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Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

Alastair Duhs | Anger Management Expert

Learning anger management is easy.
Applying it in the moments that matter is the hard part.
The Anger Management Podcast helps you turn anger management principles into real-world results. Hosted by anger expert Alastair Duhs, each episode delivers practical tools, proven strategies and straightforward guidance to help you control anger, stop losing your temper, and stay calm under pressure.
You'll learn how to identify anger triggers, improve emotional regulation, communicate more effectively during conflict, understand the root causes of anger and develop healthier responses when emotions run high.
Whether you're struggling with recurring frustration, explosive reactions, relationship conflict, parenting challenges, or the feeling that anger keeps coming back despite your best efforts, this show provides practical anger management strategies you can use immediately.
If you're looking for an anger management podcast focused on real-life solutions rather than theory, you're in the right place.
New episodes every week.
Popular episode topics: Anger Management, How to Control Anger, Anger Triggers, Staying Calm Under Pressure, Emotional Regulation, Managing Frustration, the Anger Iceberg, Conflict Resolution, the Root Cause of Anger and Healthy Responses to Anger.

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Sunday · 11 min
99 - Do I Have an Anger Problem? 5 Questions to Help You Find Out
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind. In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control. You'll learn: What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior. Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face. When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships. The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work. Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you. If you've been told you have an anger problem (or you've started asking yourself that question) this episode will help you understand what's really happening and show you where to begin. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
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September 13 · 10 min
98 - Three Things to Do Before Your Anger Takes Over
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever wondered why your anger seems to take over before you even realise what's happening? The truth is, there is a brief moment when you still have a choice - and what you do in that moment can change everything. In this episode, I share three simple strategies you can use before anger takes over. You'll learn how to recognise your body's early warning signs, ask one powerful question that interrupts angry reactions and shift your focus in a way that can transform your conversations and your relationships. You'll discover: How to recognise the physical warning signs that anger is building. The one question that helps stop anger before it escalates. Why curiosity is more powerful than defensiveness during conflict. How these simple habits can strengthen your marriage, improve family relationships, and help you stay calm under pressure. If you've ever found yourself wondering, "How did I lose my temper again?" this episode will give you practical tools to interrupt the anger cycle before it turns into another argument. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
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September 6 · 12 min
97 - "Don't Take It Personally" Is Useless Advice - Here's What Actually Works
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever been told "Don't take it personally"? It's advice almost everyone has heard - but almost nobody explains how to do it. The truth is, taking things personally isn't a character flaw or a sign you're too sensitive. It's a pattern. And once you understand why it happens, you can stop reacting defensively, handle criticism more calmly, and build stronger, healthier relationships. In this episode, I explain why people take things personally and share two simple principles that can change the way you respond when someone criticises you, snaps at you or says something that hurts. You'll hear real stories from clients who learned to stop assuming every comment was a personal attack, communicate more effectively, and create calmer relationships at work and at home. We'll explore: Why most criticism says more about the other person than it does about you. How to tell the difference between a personal attack and feedback that's worth listening to. Why getting defensive keeps you stuck - and what to do instead. Practical ways to build emotional control, reduce anger, and respond with confidence under pressure. If you often replay conversations in your head, feel hurt by criticism, or struggle not to take things personally, this episode will give you practical tools you can start using today. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and build calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
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August 30 · 17 min
96 - His Daughter Sat Him Down at Christmas. Eighteen Months Later, Everything Had Changed.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. One Christmas, Michael's daughter finally told him what decades of uncontrolled anger had done to their family. Eighteen months later, his life (and his relationships) look very different. For years, Michael believed everyone else was the problem. He could control his temper at work, but at home his wife and daughter experienced a very different side of him. After a painful Christmas conversation and weeks of follow-up emails from his daughter, he reached a point where he knew something had to change. In this episode, Michael shares how he learned to take responsibility for his anger instead of blaming other people, why controlling anger turned out to be easier than he expected, and how lasting change comes from understanding the real causes of anger rather than simply trying to suppress it. We also talk about rebuilding trust after anger, repairing relationships that have been damaged over many years, and why personal change has to be driven by your own values—not by waiting for someone else to forgive or acknowledge you. If you've ever wondered whether it's too late to change, whether your marriage can recover after years of anger, or whether your family can learn to trust you again, Michael's story offers hope, honesty, and practical insight. The Anger Management Podcast helps men gain control of destructive anger before it damages their marriage, family, and future. Each episode explores anger management, anger control, emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and practical strategies that create calmer, happier, and more connected lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
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August 23 · 12 min
95 - 10 Rules to Control Your Anger for Good
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Most people think anger management is about calming down after they've already lost control. But if that's all you're focusing on, you're missing the bigger picture. Lasting anger control isn't built on a single technique. It's built on a set of principles that change how you think about anger, responsibility, communication and self-control. In this episode, I share the 10 rules I've taught clients for more than 30 years to help them gain lasting control over their anger. You'll learn why awareness is the foundation of anger management, how your thoughts create your emotional reactions, why anger and aggressive behavior are not the same thing, and how taking responsibility for your actions builds stronger relationships. I also explain the tension scale, the importance of listening skills, and why seeking to understand is often more powerful than trying to win an argument. Whether you've struggled with anger for years or simply want better tools for handling frustration, these 10 rules provide a practical framework you can start applying immediately. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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August 16 · 12 min
94 - Why Couples Drift Apart (And the 6 Hours a Week That Can Change Everything)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you started feeling more like housemates than partners? Most relationships don't fall apart because of one big event. They drift apart slowly through dozens of small moments of disconnection. The good news is that the same process can work in reverse. In this episode, I share Dr. John Gottman's research-backed "Magic Six Hours" framework and the seven simple habits that help couples rebuild connection, intimacy and trust. You'll learn why small daily interactions matter more than grand romantic gestures, how to create meaningful moments of connection throughout the week and the habits that help couples stay emotionally close even during busy seasons of life. We explore practical strategies including better daily check-ins, expressing appreciation, physical affection, quality time, stress-reducing conversations and weekly relationship reviews that prevent small problems from becoming major sources of resentment. If you feel like you and your partner have gradually grown apart, this episode will show you how small, consistent actions can help you reconnect and strengthen your relationship. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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August 9 · 10 min
93 - The Real Reason You Keep Having the Same Argument Again and Again
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Why do the same arguments keep happening over and over again? Whether it's your partner, your children, a colleague or even a stranger in traffic, recurring anger isn't random. The same situations keep triggering you because of the way you're interpreting them. And until that changes, the pattern usually continues. In this episode, I share three powerful mindset shifts that can help you break the cycle. You'll learn how practicing acceptance reduces frustration, why empathy softens anger and improves relationships, and how maintaining perspective helps you stop turning small issues into major conflicts. Through real-world examples and practical strategies, you'll discover how to respond differently to the situations that repeatedly push your buttons. These aren't quick fixes, but they are proven skills that can dramatically reduce anger and help you create calmer, healthier relationships. If you're tired of having the same argument again and again, this episode will help you understand what's really driving the pattern - and what to do about it. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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August 2 · 12 min
92 - What to Say When Your Partner Is Upset (And Why Nothing You Say Seems to Help)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Your partner is upset. You want to help. But somehow, everything you say seems to make things worse. The problem usually isn't that you don't care. It's that most people were never taught what their partner actually needs in those moments. Before advice, reassurance or solutions can help, your partner needs to feel understood. In this episode, I share four simple communication skills that can transform difficult conversations. You'll learn how to use minimal encouragers to show you're listening, ask questions that deepen connection, reflect back what you've heard so your partner feels understood, and use positive feedback to create emotional safety. These skills may sound simple, but they can dramatically improve communication, reduce conflict, and help your partner feel supported instead of dismissed. They're also some of the most effective tools I teach couples who want to strengthen their relationship and feel closer to each other. If you've ever wondered what to say when your partner is upset, this episode will give you a practical step-by-step approach you can start using today. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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July 26 · 10 min
91 - How to Control Anger: The Real Reason You Keep Losing Control
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. If you've ever promised yourself that this time would be different - only to find yourself losing your temper again a few weeks later- you're not alone. The problem usually isn't a lack of commitment. It's that most people have never been taught the skills that actually help them control anger. In this episode, I explain why trying harder isn't enough and reveal the three essential skills that create lasting change. You'll learn how to recognise your early warning signs before anger takes over, how positive self-talk and time-outs can stop escalation in the moment, and why changing the way you think about difficult situations is often the key to long-term anger control. I also explain how better communication and active listening help repair relationships and prevent recurring conflict. If you've struggled with anger for years and started wondering whether real change is possible, this episode will show you why it is—and how to get started. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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July 19 · 11 min
90 - You've Grown Apart: Here’s How to Close the Distance
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. You've grown apart, but that doesn't mean your relationship is over. Many couples still love each other deeply, yet find themselves feeling disconnected, stuck in the same arguments or simply coexisting rather than truly connecting. The good news is that emotional distance in relationships can be reversed when you focus on the right things. In this episode, I explain the hidden reason many couples drift apart: unmanaged anger. You'll learn how anger creates defensiveness, fear and emotional walls that make genuine intimacy difficult. I also share two additional strategies that can dramatically improve your relationship: learning to truly listen and using Dr. John Gottman's "Magic Six Hours" approach to rebuild connection. You'll discover why communication problems are often listening problems, how active listening can quickly change relationship dynamics, and the simple weekly habits that help couples feel close, connected, and understood again. If you feel like you and your partner have grown apart, this episode will give you practical steps to start closing the distance today. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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July 12 · 11 min
89 - You Can Feel Your Anger Building: Here's What to Do Next
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. You can feel your anger building. Your jaw tightens. Your thoughts get sharper. You know where it's heading, but you don't know how to stop it. In this episode, I share three practical techniques you can use when anger starts to rise: deep breathing, body scanning and mindful observation. These simple tools help you slow down, calm your nervous system, and create the space needed to make better decisions in difficult moments. You'll learn why mindfulness is one of the most effective anger management skills available, how to recognise your body's early warning signs of anger, and what to do when your mind starts spiralling toward frustration, resentment or rage. These techniques won't solve the deeper causes of anger on their own, but they can help you regain control in the moment and prevent small frustrations from turning into major conflicts. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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July 5 · 9 min
88 - Online Anger Management vs Face-to-Face Programs (From Someone Who's Run 2,000+ Sessions)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Online anger management or face-to-face programs. Which one actually works better? After running more than 2,000 face-to-face anger management groups, over 10,000 individual counseling sessions, and nearly a decade of online anger management training, I've seen firsthand what helps people create lasting change, and what causes them to lose momentum. In this episode, I compare traditional face-to-face anger management programs with online programs, including the strengths and weaknesses of each approach. You'll learn why retention is often the biggest challenge in group-based programs, how repetition and self-paced learning accelerate progress, and why many people achieve better results when they can revisit lessons whenever they need to. I also explain an overlooked benefit of online anger management: the ability for partners to learn together. When both people understand the same tools, language, and strategies, it can dramatically improve communication and reduce conflict at home. If you're trying to decide between an online anger management program and a face-to-face course, this episode will help you choose the option that's most likely to work for your situation. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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June 28 · 14 min
87 - Why You're Still Losing It - Even After Trying Everything
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. If your anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to control it, the problem may not be your effort. It may be the mistakes that keep you trapped in the same anger cycle. Most people approach anger management by focusing on what happens after they lose control. They try to stop the outbursts, suppress the emotion or avoid situations that trigger them. But lasting anger control comes from understanding why anger keeps returning in the first place. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down seven common mistakes that prevent people from making real progress with anger management. We explore why treating symptoms instead of the root cause keeps you stuck, why suppressing anger often makes things worse, and how blaming other people gives away your power. You'll also learn how to identify the early warning signs of anger before it escalates, how negative self-talk fuels emotional reactions, why unrealistic expectations create unnecessary frustration and why trying to solve everything alone often slows progress. The goal isn't to become someone who never feels angry. The goal is to understand what's driving your anger, develop healthier emotional responses, and gain the skills needed to stay in control when life doesn't go as planned. If you've ever wondered why anger keeps coming back despite your best efforts, this episode will help you identify what's really standing in the way. The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets. Resources & Next Steps: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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June 21 · 10 min
86 - How to Tell If You Have Anger Issue
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be causing real problems in your life. Whether it is a short fuse that surprises even you, relationships where someone walks on eggshells, or a quiet part of you wondering if others might be right, this episode helps you look honestly at where you stand. Rather than offering generic reassurance, Alastair walks through each sign with honesty and care, making clear that recognising the problem is not a weakness. It is the starting point for change. And the good news is that most people do not need years of therapy to turn this around. They need the right tools and a willingness to look clearly at their patterns. Key Takeaways: Anger itself is not the problem. The problem is when it gets expressed in ways that hurt you or the people around you. That is the line worth paying attention to. Your body often knows you are angry before your mind does. A clenched jaw, a racing heart, tension in your shoulders. Learning to read these signals early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it. Frequently regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal. If you are regularly apologising and wishing you could unsay things, your anger is getting ahead of you. The person holding a grudge suffers more than anyone else. Letting go is not about excusing what someone did. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying it. If someone in your life has told you that your anger is a problem, take it seriously. It takes courage to say that to someone. They risked your reaction because they care enough to try. Resources & Next Steps: If you recognised yourself in any of these seven signs, here is where to start: Take the free Anger Quiz Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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June 14 · 13 min
85 - She Grew Up Surrounded by Violence. Here's How She Finally Broke the Cycle.
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Fiona, a small business owner and mother who came to him carrying anger rooted in childhood. Whether it is anger with a partner who walks away mid-conversation, frustration at feeling unheard, or patterns that stretch back decades, Fiona's story will feel familiar to many listeners. In just seven weeks, she made changes significant enough that her husband noticed without being asked. Rather than accepting that her past defined her future, Fiona focused on one question: what can she actually control? Alastair walks through her journey, the tools that helped most and what her story means for anyone who feels stuck in the same cycles. Key Takeaways: You cannot control how other people communicate, but you can control how you respond. That shift in focus is often where real change begins. Your tension scale is one of the most practical tools you have. Learning to notice where you are on it early gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. The thoughts and feelings model is not just theory. Once you understand that your thoughts shape your feelings, you can start to interrupt the pattern rather than being swept along by it. Change is possible even when the starting point is difficult. Fiona came from a background of violence and still made meaningful progress in seven weeks. Your history does not have to determine your future. And the good news is that the skills you build to manage anger with one person carry across into every area of your life. Fiona found the same tools helped her handle old family wounds surfacing in new situations. Resources & Next Steps: If Fiona's story sounds familiar and you are ready to start making changes of your own, here is where to begin: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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June 7 · 11 min
84 - When Someone Explodes at You - Here's How to Stay in Control
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most common and difficult situations people face: what to do when someone else completely loses it at you. Whether it is a partner who blames you, a colleague who unloads or anyone who fires anger in your direction, Alastair walks through why the automatic reactions of firing back or shutting down both make things worse, and what to do instead. Rather than offering vague advice about staying calm, Alastair shares five clear, practical strategies you can actually use in the moment. And the good news is that none of these require the other person to change. You only need to work on yourself. Key Takeaways: Staying calm when someone loses their temper is not weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It is hard for someone to sustain rage when the person across from them is not feeding it. Most of the time, someone's anger is not really about you. They may be exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling, and you are simply the safe person they unload on. Reminding yourself of this creates distance from the heat. Anger is usually just the surface. Beneath it is almost always something softer, hurt, fear, or feeling unheard. When you respond to what is underneath rather than what is on top, everything shifts. A boundary is not a threat. It is a calm, clear statement of what you will and will not accept. Setting one without heat lands very differently than setting one while you are already escalated. Not all anger is the same. If what you are experiencing crosses into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, the strategies shared today are not enough on their own. Please reach out for real support. Resources & Next Steps: If you want to feel more in control the next time someone loses their temper at you, here is where to start. Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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May 31 · 10 min
83 - The Real Reason You Can't Control Your Anger (It's Not What You Think)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the real reason your anger feels uncontrollable, and why the answer is rarely about the person or situation in front of you. Whether it is a partner who says the wrong thing, a child who ignores you or a stranger who cuts you off in traffic, Alastair walks through why the same trigger can send you over the edge one day and barely register the next. Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair shares three practical steps that build on each other and address the root of the problem, not just the surface. And the good news is these are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: Your anger is not caused by what happens to you. It is caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and the reaction changes with it. Your body knows you are angry before your mind does. Learning to notice your early warning signs, a tight jaw, a racing heart, a shift in your thoughts, gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Beneath the surface of most anger is a rigid belief. Beliefs about fairness, respect, and what you deserve. Once you can see the belief clearly, you can begin to question it, and when the belief shifts, the pattern of anger shifts with it. Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. When someone feels truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversation becomes possible. These are skills, not fixed parts of who you are. With practice, catching anger earlier, examining your beliefs, and communicating calmly will all become more natural. Resources & Next Steps: If you are ready to understand what is really driving your anger and start making lasting changes, here is where to go next. Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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May 24 · 12 min
82 - Why You Keep Yelling at Your Kids (Even When You're Trying Not To)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs tackles one of the most common and most painful patterns parents face: knowing your anger is a problem, trying to change and finding yourself right back where you started. Whether you have made promises to your kids that didn't hold, tried parenting tips that worked for a week and then faded, or felt the shame of yelling again after genuinely trying not to, this episode is for you. Rather than offering generic parenting advice, Alastair gets to the root of why the same triggers keep setting parents off and walks through practical, specific strategies that actually change the pattern. And the good news is, this is not about willpower. Once you understand what is really driving your anger in those moments, everything becomes more manageable. Key Takeaways: Your child's behaviour is rarely the real cause of your anger. On a good day, spilled cereal gets a calm response. On a hard day, it triggers an explosion. The difference is what is already happening inside you, not what your child did. Before you react, take ten seconds to ask yourself what you are actually feeling. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed about something else entirely. Getting honest about what is yours and what is theirs is the first step to real change. Vague rules create conflict. Kids need specifics, not instructions like "be good" or "don't interrupt." When you give them a clear action to take instead, there is far less room for the kind of friction that tips you over the edge. Catch your kids doing something right. Children get attention when they misbehave and silence when they behave well. Specific praise for good behaviour teaches them what to do, not just what to avoid, and makes cooperation more rewarding than conflict. Say how you feel, not what they are. Telling a child they are difficult or that they never listen teaches them something is wrong with them. An I statement focuses on your feelings and keeps the conversation open instead of shutting it down. Sometimes the person who needs the timeout is you. When you feel the heat rising and you are about to say something you will regret, stepping away and saying "I need a minute" is not weakness. It is emotional intelligence, and your kids will learn it by watching you do it. You do not have to figure this out alone. Seeking help for your anger is not a last resort. It is what parents who care the most tend to do. Understanding what is driving your anger makes the pattern far easier to change. Resources & Next Steps: If you are ready to stop yelling and start feeling calmer and more connected with your kids: Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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May 17 · 17 min
81 - He Thought He Didn't Have an Anger Problem. His Marriage Told a Different Story.
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Matthew, a 32-year-old husband, stepfather and small business owner who came to the program eight weeks ago stuck in a cycle of explosive arguments with his wife. Whether you bring frustration home from a long day and take it out on the people closest to you, or you know your anger needs to change but have not quite found the words for it yet, this conversation will feel familiar. Rather than talking about anger in abstract terms, Matthew shares what actually shifted for him, from recognising where he sits on the tension scale before things escalate, to seeing his wife as a teammate rather than an opponent. And the good news is, eight weeks was enough to start rebuilding the trust that anger had been quietly eroding. Key Takeaways: Anger does not always look the way people expect. Matthew saw himself as a good husband and father. But frustration was building beneath the surface, and the people closest to him were bearing the brunt of it. When everything else is getting to you, it is easy to make your partner the enemy. Matthew's shift came when he stopped seeing his wife as the opponent and started seeing them as a team facing a common challenge together. Your thoughts do not have to become your actions. Matthew learned that having a difficult thought is not the problem. What matters is whether you act on it. Slowing down between the thought and the response is where real change begins. The Tension Scale is a practical tool, not a theory. Asking yourself where you are on the scale in the moment gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Matthew uses it daily, including in Auckland traffic. Writing things down makes the work stick. Matthew keeps a journal of his notes and progress. Seeing the changes on paper reinforces that the work is real, not just something that feels good in the moment. Short sessions throughout the day work better than one long sit-down. Matthew fits the course around a busy life in small pockets of time. That consistency, he says, is what keeps the tools fresh and usable when they are actually needed. Role modelling matters more than most fathers realise. Matthew is more open with his stepson about his own vulnerabilities than his father was with him. He wants his son to grow up knowing it is okay to feel things, and to have somewhere to take those feelings. Resources & Next Steps: If Matthew's story sounds familiar and you are ready to break the pattern: Book a FREE 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle" Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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May 10 · 9 min
80 - The STOP Method: How to Control Anger Before It Controls You
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces the STOP model: a simple, four-step tool you can use anywhere, anytime, the moment you feel anger starting to rise. Whether it's your partner, a driver cutting you off or your kid doing that thing again, the window between feeling angry and acting on it is smaller than most people think. This episode is about how to use that window. Rather than offering advice that only works when you're calm, Alastair walks through a practical tool designed specifically for the heat of the moment, and explains exactly why it works on a physiological level, not just a psychological one. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: The moment between feeling angry and acting on it is where everything happens. Without a deliberate pause, you don't have a choice, you just react. The STOP model is how you create that pause. Slow, deep breathing isn't just calming advice, it's physiology. It activates your body's natural calming system and directly counteracts the stress response that anger triggers. Practicing deep breathing in low-stakes moments means the habit is already there when the pressure is really on. Don't wait until you're angry to try it for the first time. Observing your anger rather than acting on it creates distance between you and the feeling. You're no longer inside it. You're watching it. And that shift changes everything. The right question before you respond is: what is the most useful way to handle this right now? Reacting with anger is almost never the answer, even when you're right. A physical reminder: a sticky note, a card in your wallet, sounds almost too simple. But a visual cue in the right place at the right time can interrupt the automatic pattern before it starts. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.com Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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