UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others.
Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions.
I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

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Avg 26 min
English

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September 6 · 37 min
The 10 Stages That Lead to an Avoidant Discarding You (What to Do at Each One)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In todays video I walk you through the 10 stages that end in avoidant discarding you. I also share ideas what you can do best at each stage. ► Links and Resources: Hypervigilance Video: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=FZmzMIm8IK0rc3_U Deactivation Video: https://youtu.be/fi-wUf36e9k?si=9FO4GoQZNRwxq2Eo Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s Rebound Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/QrhTOoAai_M?si=9ThJxF-atsfPgkYu ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 Stage 0: Childhood Core Wounds 03:43 Stage 1: Thirsty for Love 05:38 Stage 2: First Contact 08:05 Stage 3: Illusion & Fantasy 11:37 Stage 4: "Lovebombing" 14:34 Stage 5: First Triggers 16:44 Stage 6: Love & Panic 22:34 Stage 7: The Tipping Point 25:58 Stage 8: Sabotage & Deactivation 28:36 Stage 9: Collapse & Discard 33:33 Stage 10: Rebound or Recovery ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 4 · 28 min
How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back (Turn Them Down the Right Way)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to respond when an avoidant comes back. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 04:08 The Power of Your Response 05:21 Processing the Breakup 06:28 Coming Home to Yourself 10:59 Step 1: Defining Relational Standards 14:34 Step 2: Reconnecting with Your Needs 17:42 Step 3: Refocussing on Yourself 21:48 How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 2 · 38 min
Surviving Avoidant Discard: What to Do in the First 8 Weeks
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I make a deep dive into the first 8 weeks after the avoidant discard. I help you understand your reactions and the avoidants reactions and give ideas & approaches on how to move on and rise again. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:06 Overview: The First 8 Weeks 03:14 Week 1: The Shock Phase 08:45 Week 2: The Grief Phase 12:50 Week 3: The Anger Phase 18:30 Week 4: Integrating Grief 24:15 Week 5: Real No Contact 27:21 Week 6: Their Return 32:10 Week 7: Setting Boundaries 35:00 Week 8: Start to Become Unshakable ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 30 · 20 min
How to Get Over an Avoidant Ex (When They Keep Coming Back)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you how to get over an avoidant ex, even if they keep coming back. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=11s&pp=0gcJCfkLAYcqIYzv Trauma Bonds Video: https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=EZ72GHlFDCL7DoWy ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 03:35 When Avoidants Return 06:26 Phase 1 10:20 Phase 2 12:10 Phase 3 15:14 Phase 4 16:25 Phase 5 17:35 Phase 6 ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 28 · 20 min
What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do When They Stonewall (Never Do It)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you what avoidants secretly hope you do when they stonewall. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:39 What Is Stonewalling? 02:48 Recognizing Stonewalling Behaviors 03:58 The Avoidant Perspective 05:29 Managing Conflict Effectively 07:40 What Avoidants Secretly Hope You Do 11:42 Mistakes to Avoid 15:39 Responding to Avoidant Stonewalling ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 26 · 21 min
Why Your Avoidant Partner Stonewalls You (The Best Way to Respond)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain what avoidant stonewalling is and how to respond to it the right way. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Shutdown Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dprG1JtJxzc&t=5s Dissociation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZsTUS_jlYg&t=7s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Why Avoidants Stonewall 02:07 Defining Stonewalling 03:13 Examples of Stonewalling 07:12 The Stonewalling Cycle 13:00 How to Respond 19:37 Moving Forward ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 23 · 20 min
How to Respond When an Avoidant Rejects You (They Won't Expect This)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain how to respond when an avoidant partner rejects you. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s&pp=0gcJCcQLAYcqIYzv ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:00 My Personal Journey 02:05 Why Avoidants Reject 07:01 Three Common Partner-Reactions 14:22 The Secure Response 17:42 Six Steps to Healing ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 21 · 30 min
THIS is Why Avoidants Pull Away - And When to Move On (Confessions of a Recovered Avoidant)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I reveal the #1 reason why avoidant partners pull away. I also share when it's the best moment to move on. ► Links and Resources: Polyvagal Theory Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iT8Msp8Vx0&pp=0gcJCaMLAYcqIYzv Narcissist vs Avoidant Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uADzIhUsuKc Avoidant Attachment Gets Exposed in the Bedroom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_BNVcbVIbM Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k Shutdown Video: https://youtu.be/dprG1JtJxzc The Moment Avoidants Decide to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:46 The Pull-Away Mechanism 03:52 The Four F's 04:31 Fight Responses 11:01 Flight Responses 15:49 Freeze Responses 19:38 Fawn Responses 21:00 When to Move On 26:55 The Rock Bottom ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 19 · 22 min
Healed Avoidant Explains Why Avoidants Always Return (and The Best Way to Respond)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain why avoidants return and what's the best way to respond to their come back. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Don’t Know What They Need Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoerBrHSdUI Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 00:43 The Impact of Your Response 02:39 Why Avoidants Pull Away 06:09 Why They Return 08:26 The Reality of Love 11:27 Responding to Their Return 15:45 Focusing on Yourself 18:12 Breaking the Cycle 20:01 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 16 · 27 min
Actual Avoidant Explains Why Avoidants Never Fight For a Relationship
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this very personal video I share with you why avoidants never fight for a relationship. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:32 Flaw Finding Mechanism 06:11 Unrealistic Relationship Expectations 10:19 Overwhelmed by Closeness 13:22 Internal Emotional Withdrawal 19:16 Lack of Relationship Skills 20:43 Defiance and Protection 23:16 How to Respond ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 14 · 20 min
Why (Almost) All Avoidants Come Back After No Contact
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about why almost all avoidants come back after no contact. And why emotionally unavailable people are so addicted to no contact! ► Links and Resources: Why No Contact Doesn’t Work Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9xqR6zfBIk The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:59 Understanding No Contact 05:02 The Magic Effect 09:39 Two Avoidant Groups 13:35 Responding to Returns 16:54 Breaking the Cycle 20:38 Conclusion ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 12 · 23 min
What Your Avoidant Ex Secretly Wants During No Contact
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share from my own avoidant's perspective what your avoidant ex secretly wants during no contact.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:55 1. Desire for Reconnection04:49 2. Testing Availability06:53 3. Fighting for Them09:36 4. Explaining What Went Wrong10:58 5. Desire for Independence12:56 6. Seeking Emotional Calm15:15 7. The Need for Acceptance17:40 Focusing on Your Growth► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: info@understandable.net► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 9 · 27 min
The Exact Moment Avoidants Realize You're Not Coming Back
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I describe the exact moment when avoidants realize you're not coming back. And I reflect on how to move on with more ease. ► Links and Resources: The Stages of an Avoidant Coming Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVuzwMjflyk&t=1s The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:42 Relationship Dynamics 05:45 The Breakup Experience 09:28 No Contact Phase 11:53 The Avoidant's Internal Model 16:29 Moment of Realization 21:46 Moving On and Boundaries 24:55 Strengthening Your Self-Worth ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 7 · 25 min
Avoidant Shutdown: Why Avoidants Suddenly Go Cold (Explained by Actual Avoidant)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! This one is a personal one. I talk about why avoidants suddenly shut down and go cold. How does it feel like? Why there is no other option left? This one may be truly eye opening. ;-) ► Links and Resources: Polyvagal Theory Video: https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0?si=94Sh2XeLyY0nFp9P Gerald Hüther: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_H%C3%BCther ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Understanding Avoidant Shutdown 02:30 The Shutdown Experience from the Inside 07:32 Roots of the Shutdown 10:12 The Three Closed Doors 17:48 Shame and Nervous System 18:43 How Avoidants Can Change 20:25 Supporting Your Partner ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 5 · 17 min
Why The Initiator of a Breakup Always Comes Back (Confessions of a Dumper)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about why the initiator of a breakup always comes back and when reconnection makes sense. ► Links and Resources:Limerence Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNjDwdPwOA&t=2s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Why Exes Return 01:58 1. Insecurely Attached Breakup Initiators 03:50 2. Needy Exes 07:42 3. Self-Aware Breakup Initiators 10:01 Don't Fix Them 12:15 Evaluating Their Intentions 13:25 Building Self-Worth ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
August 2 · 23 min
What Avoidants Would Say If They Were Actually Honest (Confessions by a Healed Avoidant)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with brutal honesty, what avoidant would say in a dating phase or relationship, if they were actually honest. ► Links and Resources: The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Avoidant Honesty 01:46 Understanding the Avoidant Mind 02:25 The Dating Phase Illusion 06:05 Relationship Conflict and Avoidance 08:30 The Breakup and Regret Cycle 15:10 Hitting Rock Bottom 19:52 Ideas for Partners ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
July 31 · 21 min
Why the Bedroom Exposes Avoidant Attachment (99% of the Time)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video I get vulnerable and share with you how avoidant attachment shows up in the bedroom.► Links and Resources:Avoidant Attachment Darkest Coping Mechanism Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLyK-Yi1QpE► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction02:38 Childhood Origins06:08 The Dating Phase07:14 The Rollercoaster Phase09:44 The Mechanical Phase13:03 The Drought Period16:02 Solutions and Healing20:03 Setting Boundaries► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: info@understandable.net► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
July 29 · 21 min
The 5 Stages an Avoidant Goes Through When You Dump Them (Actual Timeline)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I present the full timeline to you, the avoidant goes through when you dump them. But I also present another timeline... ► Links and Resources: Why They Lose Feelings Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s No Contact Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9xqR6zfBIk&t=13s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:21 Stage 0: Pre-Breakup Dynamics 06:28 Stage 1: Initial Breakup Shock 09:59 Stage 2: Denial and Anger 12:27 Stage 3: Recovery and Reflection 15:27 Stage 4: Loneliness and Regret 18:03 Stage 5: The Crawl Back 19:35 Moving Toward Security ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
July 26 · 23 min
THIS Happens When You Dump an Avoidant (From a Recovered Avoidant)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you what happens when YOU dump an avoidant first. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Lose Feelings Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:56 The Avoidant Mindset 05:02 1. Unaware Avoidant Reaction 09:18 2. The Mixed Reaction 14:05 3. Shock and Fear 17:15 Evaluating Potential 18:17 Your Perspective 22:23 Building Self-Worth ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
July 24 · 44 min
Healed Avoidant Explains the Avoidant's Idea of a Healthy Relationship
► Build stable, secure relationships without the push and pull: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! Today I talk about the avoidant's idea of a healthy relationship. ► Links and Resources: Complex Trauma, Complex Needs Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx Why Avoidants Have No Clue What They Need and Feel: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=8_lsOdJd_bPAM7e7 Overcompensation Through Missing Puzzle Piece Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGDhim-YlY ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 03:11 The Role of Needs 06:55 Core Affected Needs 13:50 Expressing Emotional Needs 19:20 Seeking Support and Acceptance 29:10 The Need for Consistency 33:30 Avoidant Identity, Values and Core Beliefs 47:18 Practical Relationship Advice ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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