UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others.
Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety

► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions.
I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

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Yesterday · 41 min
Recovered Avoidant Explains What Helps Avoidants Heal
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I answer what actually helps avoidants heal, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant who worked with four therapists. I explain why it is so hard, because avoidants rarely see their behavior as the problem and society even rewards their independence. Then I build it up in levels: first reframing what a relationship means and finding a purpose bigger than yourself, then the practical work of setting realistic relational standards, finding a supportive partner, and training the missing skills like naming needs and boundaries. The real core key is a decision: committing 110 percent to the relationship, especially on the hard days. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Lose Feelings Video: https://youtu.be/dHOxRnU4pEU?si=VP8fI3hwhVNAeFu9 Why Avoidants Cannot Feel Their Needs Video: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=UCjq5BS6Wkfldo97 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:12 Why It Is So Hard for Avoidants to Heal 11:05 Level 1: Reframing Relationships 15:58 Finding a Higher Purpose 19:25 Empathy and Healthy Guilt 21:11 Level 2: Setting Realistic Relational Standards 26:25 Finding the Right Partner 32:21 Training the Missing Relationship Skills 36:50 Level 3: The Key to Heal ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
Friday · 21 min
Become the One They’re Terrified to Lose (Do THIS)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you how to become the one an avoidant or unavailable partner is terrified to lose, not through games or mystery, but by actually becoming more secure. As a recovered avoidant, I explain why they pull away the more you chase, and why your own pattern keeps you hoping and self-abandoning, often rooted in childhood. Then I share the real approach: set a clear standard, build a life you do not need them for, find a purpose bigger than the relationship, and stay compassionate while setting firm boundaries. They stay or they do not, but either way you win, because you become more yourself. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:01 Why They Pull Away From You 04:46 Your Pattern: Why You Chase Them 08:35 Swap the Psychology 10:08 1: Set the Standard 14:10 2: Build a Life You Do Not Need Them For 16:15 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than You 17:48 4: Be an Empathetic Listener 19:38 5: Set Boundaries ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
Tuesday · 20 min
How to Get Over a Breakup with an Avoidant (Even if You Still Love Them)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why breakups with an avoidant are so much harder to get over, and how to heal from one fast. As a recovered avoidant who later dated avoidants himself, I show why the connection feels so magnetic and soulmate-like: it is really two unhealed nervous systems pulling at each other. I share my own dating story, why you did nothing wrong, and the avoidant filter that keeps you from ending up there again. The core mechanism is hope: the hope that they will change has to die, because what they did says nothing about your worth. From there you rebuild a stronger sense of self. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:07 Why the Connection Feels So Intense 04:08 Two Unhealed Nervous Systems 06:27 My Own Dating Story 09:35 It's Not Your Fault 12:44 The Thing That Keeps You Attached 15:53 How To Get Over a Breakup ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
October 11 · 21 min
When an Avoidant Partner Withdraws Sexually, React Like THIS
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explore a topic that rarely gets talked about openly: what happens when an avoidant partner starts to lose sexual desire and pulls away from intimacy. Drawing on my own experience as a recovered avoidant, I walk through why closeness feels like danger to an avoidant nervous system, and how that plays out in the bedroom across four stages, from the intense dating phase to the mechanical phase and finally the drought where sex disappears completely. Most importantly, I want you to understand that this is not about you or your attractiveness. It comes from an old childhood wound where intimacy was tied to pressure and responsibility. In the end I share what you can actually do to restore that connection: reducing the pressure so they stop feeling chased, learning to regulate your own nervous system, refocusing on your own life, and setting clear boundaries around what you are willing to tolerate. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:08 Why Avoidants Fear Intimacy 06:12 Stage 0: The Dating Phase 08:13 Stage 1: The Rollercoaster 09:45 Stage 2: The Mechanical Phase 11:07 Stage 3: The Drought 13:20 What You Can Do 15:58 Reduce the Pressure 17:44 Shift the Focus Back to Yourself 19:41 Setting a Boundary ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
October 9 · 20 min
When an Avoidant Realizes You've Given Up, They Do THIS
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I walk you through the six stages of panic that build inside an avoidant when you finally give up on the relationship. As a former avoidant, I explain what happens on their end at each stage, from the first triggers during the relationship, through your emotional cut and the breakup, to the moment they realize you are truly not coming back. I also share the three ways they tend to react, and what you can do at each point: stand up for your needs, cut the connection cleanly, and use the space to grow into a more secure version of yourself. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s How to Respond When an Avoidant Comes Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcmxaTqp6QY&t=1070s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:08 Stage 0: During the Relationship 05:58 Stage 1: Before You Give Up 09:08 Stage 2: The Emotional Cut 11:08 Stage 3: The Breakup 12:24 Stage 4: After the Breakup 14:31 Stage 5: They Test the Waters 15:39 Stage 6: They Realize You Gave Up 16:41 Three Ways They React 18:58 Your Opportunity to Grow ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
October 7 · 41 min
What a Relationship with an Avoidant Looks Like AFTER They Decided to Change
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) In this video, I get vulnerable and share what dating and daily relationship life actually look like for a recovering avoidant. I walk through my journey chronologically, from my very first therapy session, to dating again with the avoidant filter, to meeting my partner and pushing through the panic and pulling-away. I explain why insecure attachment is really trauma stored in the nervous system, so mindset alone cannot fix it, and how new relationship experiences reshape it. Today my partner and I both test secure, but some patterns still surface, and it comes down to communication. ► Links and Resources: Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=7Riyf-5mpeqwgWgl Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:22 My First Therapy Session 10:27 Dating Again After Deciding to Change 12:58 The Avoidant Filter 15:18 Meeting My Partner 22:07 Panic and a Second Therapy 27:17 Insecure Attachment Is Trauma 30:28 Why Mindset Alone Is Not Enough 32:58 How It Feels Today ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
October 4 · 24 min
The First Thing to Say When an Avoidant Returns after Rejection (They Won't Expect This)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I share with you what to say first when they return. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 Why Avoidants Reject You 05:04 You Have the Power 06:08 Reaction 1: The Avoidant Response 08:38 Reaction 2: The Anxious Response 10:55 Reaction 3: The Secure Response 13:16 Step 1: Define Your Standards 14:17 Step 2: Reconnect With Yourself 15:43 Step 3: Rebuild Your Life 18:53 How to Respond When They Return 20:53 The One Question to Ask ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
October 2 · 18 min
Come Back So Strong After No Contact, Your Ex Won't Know Who They Left
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one core principle that lets you come back from no contact so strong that your avoidant ex will barely recognize you. I explain why you still hope they will change, and how that hope traces back to a childhood pattern where holding on gave you a sense of control. The hard but freeing truth is that this hope has to die, and that what they did says nothing about your worth. Then I walk through the steps: process the grief, come home to yourself, rebuild the other areas of your life, and reach the point where you give love instead of seeking it.► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:08 How the Breakup Happened03:42 Why Hope Keeps You Attached08:02 The Foundation to Come Back Strong10:58 Practical Steps to Come Back Strong► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: info@understandable.net► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 30 · 22 min
When You Both Stop Contacting Each Other... THIS Happens
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I walk you through the five stages of what happens during no contact, when both you and the person who pulled away stop reaching out. As a former avoidant, I explain how the whole power dynamic shifts: the avoidant, who always controlled closeness and distance, slowly becomes the one who feels something is missing, while you reconnect with yourself, rebuild your life, and become the secure one. In the end I show how to use that new power position, so you either move on to someone who treats you right or only take them back if they have truly changed. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Attachment Explained Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vs3gDlmS18&pp=0gcJCS8MAYcqIYzv What a Relationship With an Avoidant Feels Like Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 00:55 Who Controls the Relationship 05:37 The Decision to Go No Contact 06:42 Stage 1: Grief and Silence 09:07 Stage 2: Reconnecting With Yourself 12:05 Stage 3: Rebuilding Your Life 14:30 Stage 4: The Tables Turn 16:41 Stage 5: You Rise, They Return 18:22 How to Use Your New Power ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 27 · 32 min
THIS Makes an Avoidant Start Chasing You (Obsessed With You for Good)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you from first hand experience as an avoidant myself what makes an avoidant chase you and obsessed with you. ► Links and Resources: The Avoidant’s Idea of a Healthy Relationship Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFFqAAWobU&t=2274s Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:24 Disclaimer: "Getting Your Ex Back" 05:40 The Gottman Question 07:33 #1: Understand Their Core Wounds 11:02 #2: Go Full No Contact 15:47 #3: Build a Life Without Them 19:12 #4: When They Come Back 20:39 The Power of Compassion 24:41 #5: What You Can Change 28:42 What You Should Never Accept 31:31 Summary ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 25 · 21 min
Recovered Avoidant Explains Why Avoidants Always Come Back To You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain from my perspective as a recovered, healed avoidant, why avoidants always come back to you. ► Links and Resources: Limerence vs Love Video: https://youtu.be/mmNjDwdPwOA?si=5kwKwhP2ljk_ie8s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:08 The Recovery Timeline 01:55 Group 1: The Unaware Avoidant 08:11 Group 2: Coming Back for Regulation 11:48 Group 3: They Come Back Because They Love You 18:26 While You Wait for Them 19:18 When They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 23 · 24 min
What an Avoidant Secretly Thinks During No Contact (They'll Never Tell You)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what an avoidant secretly thinks during no contact. They will never tell you that... But I do as a recovered avoidant myself. ► Links and Resources: The Avoidant’s Idea of a Healthy Relationship Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFFqAAWobU&t=2274s The Moment I Decided to Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:52 Group 1: The Unaware Avoidant 14:28 Group 2: The Self-Aware Avoidant 19:50 What the Aware Avoidant Hopes For 21:06 If They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 20 · 18 min
This Is What Losing You Really Feels Like to an Avoidant
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I explain in brutally honest detail how losing you really feels to an actual avoidant. ► Links and Resources: The Moment They're Afraid of Losing You Video: https://youtu.be/uVcVsS6UZvY My Rock Bottom Video: https://youtu.be/NkVmvMkZUI4?si=89L0sNvEjEGS0tZO Limerence vs Real Love Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNjDwdPwOA&t=2s Shadow Work Video: https://youtu.be/xPSEl9sOd9I?si=qLGm14wMSPoCOPC1 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 03:21 How Losing You Feels to an Avoidant 04:38 When The Longing Comes Back 05:38 Panic and Rock Bottom 06:44 Crawling Back During No Contact 08:11 What They Actually Lose: The Illusion 12:53 Your Perspective as a Partner 15:50 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 18 · 26 min
THIS Eventually Happens to an Avoidant Who Refuses to Heal
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what eventually happens to an avoidant who refuses to heal. ► Links and Resources: Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx P*rn Addiction Video: https://youtu.be/zNfV-U7lxkg My Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s&pp=0gcJCRsMAYcqIYzv ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Avoidance 01:01 Why Avoidance Works 04:27 Personal Patterns and Breakups 12:30 Decreasing Effectiveness 20:13 The Avoidant Midlife Crisis 25:15 Hitting Rock Bottom ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 16 · 25 min
Why P0rn Addiction Exposes Avoidant Attachment (99% of the Time)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! Today's one is a quite shame laden episode. We talk about the dark link between avoidant attachment and p*rn addiction. ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s Sexual compulsion Paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4394850/ Attachment Insecurity & Problematic Porn Use Paper: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38898361/ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:30 Avoidant Roots 04:45 The Dating Phase 07:05 Rollercoaster Phase (P0rn Consumption Begins) 14:00 Drought Period (P0rn Addiciton Implements) 16:00 Summary 18:00 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 13 · 31 min
THIS Is What Avoidants Do When They're Afraid of Losing You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I talk about what avoidants do when they're afraid of losing you. I also unpack the hidden link behind their fear of commitment and their fear of losing you... ► Links and Resources: Deactivation Strategides Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s Why Avoidants Always Come Back Video: https://youtu.be/YfiJsB7XXx8 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:15 A Note to Hurt Partners 03:50 Before the Relationship 09:59 The Chase 11:46 The Moment of Commitment 16:00 When Conflict Arrives 20:34 The Breakup and Relief 22:15 When They Are Finally Afraid of Losing You 26:05 When They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 12 · 18 min
To Anyone Who's Loving or Leaving an Avoidant…
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! This one is a very personal one for me. It's a message for everyone who's loving or leaving an avoidant. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 To Anyone Loving or Leaving an Avoidant... 02:01 Confusion 03:55 The Truth About Them 06:52 A Way Out of the Dark 07:20 1. Coming Home to Yourself 09:40 2. Taking Yourself Back 11:13 3. Becoming Unshakable 12:50 4. Rising & Refocusing 15:24 5. Attracting Secure Love 16:10 6. Love Without Losing Yourself 17:41 The Next Step ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 11 · 12 min
5 Things Never to Say to an Avoidant on the Phone (They'll Shut Down)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I talk about the 5 biggest mistakes to avoid when you're calling an avoidant on the phone. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:47 Why Avoidants Panic When You Call Them 02:48 1) Not Texting First 04:20 2) Being Dysregulated Yourself 05:45 3) Calling Them When They're Dysregulated 06:50 4) Calling Repeatedly 09:25 5) Resolving Conflict on the Phone ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 9 · 20 min
THIS Is the Exact Moment an Avoidant Decides to Discard You
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In today's video I describe the exact moment an avoidant decides to discard you in brutally honest detail. ► Links and Resources: 10 Stages That Lead to Avoidant Discard Video: https://youtu.be/ZWpTLj1E2No Deactivation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:26 The Discard Building Up 05:12 The First Trigger 08:07 Preparation of the Discard 13:03 Exact Moment They Decide to Discard 15:50 Hidden Moment They Decide to Discard ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
September 6 · 37 min
The 10 Stages That Lead to an Avoidant Discarding You (What to Do at Each One)
► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In todays video I walk you through the 10 stages that end in avoidant discarding you. I also share ideas what you can do best at each stage. ► Links and Resources: Hypervigilance Video: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=FZmzMIm8IK0rc3_U Deactivation Video: https://youtu.be/fi-wUf36e9k?si=9FO4GoQZNRwxq2Eo Rock Bottom Moment Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s Rebound Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/QrhTOoAai_M?si=9ThJxF-atsfPgkYu ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 Stage 0: Childhood Core Wounds 03:43 Stage 1: Thirsty for Love 05:38 Stage 2: First Contact 08:05 Stage 3: Illusion & Fantasy 11:37 Stage 4: "Lovebombing" 14:34 Stage 5: First Triggers 16:44 Stage 6: Love & Panic 22:34 Stage 7: The Tipping Point 25:58 Stage 8: Sabotage & Deactivation 28:36 Stage 9: Collapse & Discard 33:33 Stage 10: Rebound or Recovery ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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