The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert

Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what's most important to you.

This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won't be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the person you want to be.

Learn what your parents or caretakers never taught you about emotional wellness and creating strong, non-toxic bonds with others.

If you want the exact instructions that will help improve your life, you're in the right place.

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644 episodes
Updated Today

Episodes644

Newest first

Today · 34 min
When your values collide with others
What you value may not be what others value, but should that lead to black and white, all or nothing thinking where one person has to give something up so the other person can have what they want? Can there be a middle ground?
July 26 · 28 min
Moving forward through loss
After loss, it can feel like there's no movement, as if time stopped on that exact moment of grief or pain, never to move forward again. However, grief, sadness, pain, and suffering do not have to feel like a chasm with no escape. The hurt may not end right away, but the healing can start sooner than you think.
July 19 · 39 min
When those we love die
The death of my brother-in-law was hard and got me revisiting the concept of the death of loved ones. No one can tell you it's going to be okay, even though eventually you will be okay. But in the moment, it can be hard to believe there will be anything good to ever come again because they're gone.
July 12 · 38 min
The "It's not my fault" apology
If you've ever felt hurt or offended by someone's words or actions, and their "apology" was more like a deflection than compassion for how it affected you, was it really an apology at all or simply more salt in the wound?
July 5 · 34 min
Making hard decisions when you're not sure what's true
Sometimes you might wonder if things are going to change or not. Perhaps you're waiting for someone to show up better or differently, or your waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk, or any of a number of things you deal with. Do you make a decision based on what you hope will happen? It can be challenging to determine your next steps when all you have is speculation.
June 28 · 44 min
The ten components that make up a healthy, long-lasting relationship
I talk about toxic relationships all the time, but what do healthy relationships actually look like? Is there a formula? There are criteria. And I'll share ten components of a healthy relationship in this episode.
June 21 · 41 min
The bare minimum needed for any close relationship
You'd think love and connection would be enough to get through any relationship challenge. But there is something stronger, something deeper that allows feelings to grow and the bond to strengthen.
June 14 · 38 min
Should I reveal my past to a potential new partner
If you have a history that you're not proud of, and you start a new relationship, should the new potential partner be advised of a past you regret? If you don't tell, will it bring consequences down the road? It's a question some people wrestle with.
June 7 · 46 min
Are these old emotional wounds or something real happening now?
Are old emotional wounds triggering you today? A woman reached out and shares her struggles about choices she made about a pregnancy and how her partner may have lied about his communication with his ex at the beginning of their relationship. Challenging topics to cover.
May 31 · 47 min
The on again off again relationship and other challenging topics
Can the on-off relationship work? What about long-distance relationships? I talk about that and also someone asked me if it's their social anxiety or someone's rude behavior that's to blame. It's a grab bag episode today.
May 24 · 45 min
Some people don't want you to be yourself
Other people's insecurities should not make you change for them. If they can't handle who you are, is it on you to make them comfortable or should they just adjust, adapt, or leave you alone?
May 17 · 35 min
How to be direct about someone's hurtful behavior without being confrontational
You're allowed to tell someone they're hurting you — and if you feel stuck because you avoid conflict or keep punishing with silence, I've been there and will show you how to say it plainly so you know whether they change or reveal who they really are.
May 10 · 39 min
Always take what sounds like a threat seriously
People who threaten, belittle, or use "jokes" about violence are practicing control, and they will gaslight you into submission if you don't take their threats or "jokes" seriously. Don't reward coercion with compliance.
May 3 · 37 min
The past is the worst place to ruminate
Are you a victim of your past choices forever? If the future feels impossible because the past is unavoidable, it might be time to put away the mirror and forge the path you want.
April 26 · 45 min
When good enough is much less than you want to settle for
Some people have a progress bar that stops when things are no longer uncomfortable. That can work for some people. But for others who want more out of life, it could present an incompatibility that's hard to get past.
April 19 · 31 min
They do wrong, you get blamed
Someone who constantly blames and criticizes you may have something to hide. Someone who hurts you is hiding nothing at all... it's all very apparent. Don't ever think their behaviors are your fault.
April 12 · 41 min
When what you did is always thrown back in your face
You did bad... a long time ago, but you still have to pay for what you did every time someone brings it up. They just can't let it go and you're reaching the end of your rope. When will they move on?
April 5 · 49 min
Life and relationship questions you may want the answers to
Some of us can go through life without the answers to the most pertinent questions. Others, like me, feel like there's something missing if we don't get those answers. I do my best to answer a few of those burning questions in this episode.
March 29 · 51 min
Are you the only one keeping the friendship going?
What is the recipe of reciprocation in a friendship when it comes to keeping in touch. Is it always 1 to 1 (you call, they call, repeat)? Or, is it always just you calling them? Hmm... seems one-sided, doesn't it? But, is it? Good topic to talk about.
March 22 · 36 min
The specific steps some people take to manipulate you
There's no end to what manipulation looks like. Some people have a gift for making you do what they want you to do. Victims of manipulation typically have something in common. Knowing what that is will keep you out of harm's way.

The Overwhelmed Brain

When your values collide with others

Moving forward through loss

When those we love die

The "It's not my fault" apology

Making hard decisions when you're not sure what's true

The ten components that make up a healthy, long-lasting relationship

The bare minimum needed for any close relationship

Should I reveal my past to a potential new partner

Are these old emotional wounds or something real happening now?

The on again off again relationship and other challenging topics

Some people don't want you to be yourself

How to be direct about someone's hurtful behavior without being confrontational

Always take what sounds like a threat seriously

The past is the worst place to ruminate

When good enough is much less than you want to settle for

They do wrong, you get blamed

When what you did is always thrown back in your face

Life and relationship questions you may want the answers to

Are you the only one keeping the friendship going?

The specific steps some people take to manipulate you