The Overwhelmed Brain

Is it love or control?

Feeling strangled by someone else's demands, guilt trips, or subtle punishments? In this episode, I provide a list of both loving and controlling behaviors so you have no doubt what's going on with you and someone else in your life.

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When you just don't see eye to eye on everything and it's a big problem

Wanting different things than your partner (kids, stability, freedom) doesn't make you a bad person — it makes this relationship a system with incompatible "inputs." And if you feel torn or guilty about what to do, I've been there. And I'll walk you through the hard questions you need to ask before resentment becomes the default.

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Grounding yourself to make the best decisions possible

Life is really all about a series of decisions from moment to moment. Most are no-brainers: You know when to eat, for example. But others can literally be life-changing. And for those, being grounded and sure about your decision is the best place to be before making it.

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One way to stop the head games

Some conversations go down a path of dysfunction because one or both people refuse to be direct, or perhaps they're trying to manipulate to get a certain outcome. The head games that some people play are annoying and waste precious time that could be invested into the relationship instead of the toxicity.

How to express emotions for the emotionally unexpressive

If you feel stuck or awkward expressing emotions, I've been there! In this episode, I confront how avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of judgment, and more keep you emotionally distant from yourself and the people who want to connect with you.

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The foundation of all dysfunctional behavior

Toxic, dysfunctional, and emotionally abusive behavior stem from the same foundational challenges in almost everyone. Learning what those challenges are and healing them can resolve carrying around years of future dysfunctional behavior.

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Is toxic energy blocking the life you want?

What are the obstacles to peace, comfort, and happiness? You may be walking amongst people and things right now that are literally draining positivity from your life.

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Are you living your life on a foundation of fears and insecurities?

Sometimes what drives our decisions isn't necessarily what has our best interests in mind. Old survival mechanisms can be running the show, steering us into unfavorable outcomes without us even realizing it. Better outcomes require learning what exactly is driving our behaviors at the deepest level.

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Can you get more time with someone without controlling what they do with their time?

You're not crazy for feeling lonely in a relationship where schedules clash and one of you seems to be filling their time with other things to do. Hmm... what's really going on in this relationship. I answer a listener's question about this very thing in this episode, plus talk a little bit about minimizing and letting go of clutter and overwhelm.

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Is sarcasm supposed to be funny or mean or...

Sarcasm can hide contempt while being disguised as humor. But, it can also bring humor to a difficult situation. Is there a limit to sarcasm and can it hurt relationships? Lots to discuss.

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When you don't talk about the hard stuff, hard stuff tends to stick around

It might feel better not knowing the answers to some questions becuase, after all, knowing might mean you now have to do something about it. But when you don't ask the hard questions and don't talk about the hard stuff, life doesn't get any easier and the hard stuff never gets resolved.

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When your values collide with others

What you value may not be what others value, but should that lead to black and white, all or nothing thinking where one person has to give something up so the other person can have what they want? Can there be a middle ground?

Moving forward through loss

After loss, it can feel like there's no movement, as if time stopped on that exact moment of grief or pain, never to move forward again. However, grief, sadness, pain, and suffering do not have to feel like a chasm with no escape. The hurt may not end right away, but the healing can start sooner than you think.

When those we love die

The death of my brother-in-law was hard and got me revisiting the concept of the death of loved ones. No one can tell you it's going to be okay, even though eventually you will be okay. But in the moment, it can be hard to believe there will be anything good to ever come again because they're gone.

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The "It's not my fault" apology

If you've ever felt hurt or offended by someone's words or actions, and their "apology" was more like a deflection than compassion for how it affected you, was it really an apology at all or simply more salt in the wound?

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Making hard decisions when you're not sure what's true

Sometimes you might wonder if things are going to change or not. Perhaps you're waiting for someone to show up better or differently, or your waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk, or any of a number of things you deal with. Do you make a decision based on what you hope will happen? It can be challenging to determine your next steps when all you have is speculation.

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The ten components that make up a healthy, long-lasting relationship

I talk about toxic relationships all the time, but what do healthy relationships actually look like? Is there a formula? There are criteria. And I'll share ten components of a healthy relationship in this episode.

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The bare minimum needed for any close relationship

You'd think love and connection would be enough to get through any relationship challenge. But there is something stronger, something deeper that allows feelings to grow and the bond to strengthen.

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Should I reveal my past to a potential new partner

If you have a history that you're not proud of, and you start a new relationship, should the new potential partner be advised of a past you regret? If you don't tell, will it bring consequences down the road? It's a question some people wrestle with.

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Are these old emotional wounds or something real happening now?

Are old emotional wounds triggering you today? A woman reached out and shares her struggles about choices she made about a pregnancy and how her partner may have lied about his communication with his ex at the beginning of their relationship. Challenging topics to cover.

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