#55
Wednesday · 1 hr 29 min
It's Not your Mouth That's Salivating: Orgasm Control and Denial
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DS
Don’t Scare the Newbies!
kirizal & S
Kink can be scary, but talking about it doesn’t have to be! S and kirizal, a couple in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship chat about kink, sex, relationships, communication, and everything in between
Winner of Best Media, Alternative Awards 2026
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
- 25 episodes
- weekly
- Avg 1 hr 38 min
- English
Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.
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#54September 2 · 2 hr 6 minHappy Birthday to U/us: One Year of DSTN!
In an extra lengthy, rambly special, kirizal and S reflect on one year of hosting an award winning podcast. From how Don't Scare the Newbies! started and S's anxious dog reaction to the early analytics, to O/our favourite episodes and some lowlights (audio issues, UGH!). W/we chat about how much W/we appreciate O/our lovely audience, and then dive into a Q&A with questions you sent in! This episode also includes a little announcement about the future of DSTN! - but don't worry, W/we're not stopping any time soon! Content Note: Discussion of consensual non-consent play and non-consensual fantasy scenarios Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#53August 26 · 1 hr 52 minMaking an Impact: Impact Play
This week, kirizal and S finally get around to talking about one of O/our most essential kinks - impact play! W/we chat about why S finds hitting people with stuff fun, how different types of impact feel to kirizal, and lots of all important safety stuff. Plus - sadists hitting themselves in the penis, how a toy became known as the kirizal breaker, and the five levels of kinky kit shopping. Thank you everyone who's stuck with U/us through some up and down audio the last few weeks - this one should be louder, but the cost for that was a few crackly moments (sorry!). The good news is that after testing all of O/our equipment multiple times W/we finally figured out that it was kirizal's laptop causing the problems, and have switched to Mx's for all recordings after this one! Will it happen again? Oh, no doubt - but for now expect cleaner audio :) Content Note: Some mentions of CNC play and blood Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#52August 19 · 1 hr 43 minEnrichment in O/our Enclosure: Control in Power Exchange
Usually if kirizal asks S why They like something, the answer is “power and control”, so this week W/we dive into that favourite “conceptual kink”. What is control, and how is it distinct from power? W/we chat about what consensual control brings to O/our relationship, and the process of negotiating and developing rules and discipline and how this becomes conditioning over time. Plus - why kirizal is so difficult to punish, emotional sadomasochism and behaviour modification, risk (of course!), and developing a dynamic centred around control. Content Note: Discussion of coercive control, abusive relationships, and heavy psychological play Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#51August 12 · 1 hr 47 minIn O/our Slut Eras: Hookups and Apps
This week, kirizal and S go back to the beginning and talking about swiping right (or is it left? W/we get confused) on each other on Tinder back in 2021 and then again on OkCupid in 2023. But, this isn't just about O/our success story - this week W/we're talking dating apps and hookup culture, from kirizal's explanation for why Grindr is like Uber Eats, to romanticising the era when online groomers "were more polite", W/we talk about online dating through the ages. But also - meeting people in meat space, how kirizal ended up drunk and sexting during the Great North Run, what makes a great dating app profile (take that tea towel OFF), and some all important safety information. And it wouldn't be a long, rambling DSTN! episode if kirizal didn't go off about feminism at some point. Content Note: Discussion of CNC play involving simulated sexual assault, brief mention of online grooming, discussions of sexual predators and violence in context of online dating risks, and discussion of misogyny Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#50August 5 · 2 hr 14 minNo Bigger Spatula Than The Bible: The Witch Trial Interrogation
In which the good Christian woman, Chastity, is horribly tortured by the cruel and unreasonable witch finder Jeffiniah. Well, maybe she's a good Christian woman. Maybe she's a witch. Yes, it's finally time for O/our second interrogation episode. Last month, kirizal and S did another interrogation scene, and this was a big one. With a booing crowd, multiple locations, costumes, roleplay, and whole new strategies from both sides. There was drama, betrayal, blasphemy in two religions and a confession in two languages. This was a scene no one wanted to miss, and now thanks to the magic (*gasp* WITCHCRAFT) of podcasting, no one has to, as W/we take you through the planning, negotiation, strategy, last minute nerves, a blow by blow of the scene, and aftercare. Plus, is kirizal now possessed by Chastity into writing smut? Content Note: Discussion of torture - both in scene, and real-world historic and modern torture techniques - religious play, waterboarding, piss, mention of blood, and branding. O/our friends at Insert Here also covered this scene among other adventures in Episode 20: Burn The Witch https://insertherekink.com Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#49July 29 · 1 hr 30 minBuild This Universe With You: Roleplay and Gamification with Sunshine and Honeypot
This week, Sunshine and Honeypot introduce kirizal and S to the world of S.L.U.T - the international sexpionage organisation dedicated to saving the world from boring sex. Sunshine and Honeypot have a unique dynamic built around roleplay, mindblowingly in-depth world building, and weekly puzzles that fuel both intimacy and creativity. In this episode we chat about roleplay - from overcoming (or embracing) the cringe to finding ideas and inspiration - and gamification of kink in their weekly missions and their planning of scenes. Content Note: Brief mentions of blood, and consensual non-consent play Follow O/our guests on Fetlife @Sunshine_STL and @Agent_Honeypot Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#48July 22 · 1 hr 44 minDarker Than Dark: Pitch Black Romance with Ellie Sanders
Dark romance and pitch black romance author Ellie Sanders joins kirizal and S this week to talk about these often stigmatised genres, her writing, and lots more! Ellie tells U/us about navigating social media reactions, censorship in the self-publishing world, and her experience of her first book ban. We dive into what it is that writers and readers get out of these books, and the crossover with the world of kink where people search for a path to explore dark ideas in a controlled environment, and whether dark romance and related genres represent kink well - or even if they need to? Plus, Ellie teases her upcoming book Decimation, the final book in The Brethren Lords series, and shares some insights into her impressive writing process, and kirizal reveals which of The Brethren Lords S most reminds them of. Content Note: Discussion of traumatic past experiences - not detailed, consensual non-consent play, and fictional depictions of torture, sexual violence, and abuse. Mentions of death threats and sexual harrassment on social media. Check out Ellie’s website here: https://www.hotsteamywriter.com Signed books and merch at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/EllieSandersBookNook Follow Ellie on Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@elliesandersauthor …and on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elliesandersauthor — Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#47July 15 · 1 hr 20 minDesire Without Empathy: The Piano Teacher
It's time for another kinky movie night, and for the second time in a row kirizal suggested something slow paced and arty that S isn't all the way sold on! This time it's The Piano Teacher, talking about how sadism and masochism are explored in a way that is separate from negotiated and consensual kink, an interesting twist on corruption themes, and how this movie invites the viewer to experience isolation, disconnection, and discomfort right along with its characters. Plus, the notorious and ambiguous ending, the uncomfortable questions it forces the audience to ask, and the shifting balances of power. Content Note: Major spoilers for The Piano Teacher throughout, in depth discussion of sexual violence, abuse (including emotional incest). Due to the content and themes of the movie, discussion around whether or not a scene depicting sexual violence is or is not non-consensual and ambiguous/extremely dubious consent. Self harm mention. Mentions of real life abuse history. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#46July 8 · 1 hr 50 minA Masked Assailant With a Store-Bought Penis: Planning for Public Play
What goes into planning for a public play event? In this episode, kirizal and S talk about the considerations for planning a public scene - fetiquette, rules, equipment, time, and the role of the audience - love the attention or terrified of it, they’re there! Then, W/we get into some actual planning - see how W/we plan four days worth of scenes for an upcoming event, including the much anticipated second interrogation. Content Note: Discussion of breath play, blood play, consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, burns, and historical torture Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#45July 1 · 1 hr 15 minThe Full Bloody Experience: Period Sex
This week, kirizal and S are talking periods. While period sex doesn't necessarily have to be a kink, it can be - and W/we talk about what this does for U/us. S shares why They took a while to get on board with getting bloody, W/we talk about the impact of misogyny on how periods and period sex are seen, and the emotionally masochistic intersection of dysphoria and pleasure for kirizal. Plus - period sex isn't gross... BUT. How W/we get gross and degrading in O/our play. Content Notes: Discussion of blood play (other than periods), sexual coercion/pressure in relationships, and brief mention of CNC and fantasies about sexual assault. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#44June 24 · 1 hr 16 minLeather and Laces: Leather Community and Bootblacking with Duncan and Tea
This week’s guests are Duncan, one of the founders of Newcastle Leathermen, and Tea, a bootblack and Newcastle Leathermen’s first nonbinary member. Plus Tea’s partner popping in with an occasional comment! O/our guests share the power of community, culture differences between Leather communities and the Fetlife-based kink scene, visibility and how Newcastle Leathermen navigate venues and social media, bootblacking and why this role is so valued, and an overview of Leather history and its impact. Find out more about Newcastle Leathermen at https://www.newcastleleathermen.com/ Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#43June 17 · 1 hr 31 minAre W/we Actually Quite Gay: Sexual Orientation
This week, kirizal and S are chatting about sexual orientation - from O/our coming out stories (one at 14, and one at 41!), kirizal’s multiple coming outs and the pan vs bi distinction, T4T dating, and whether O/our kink identities are a part of sexual orientation for U/us. Plus - outsourcing the terrifying task of talking to women, hot takes from S and the usual soapbox moments from kirizal. Content Note: Discussions of homophobia and biphobia Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#42June 10 · 1 hr 24 minGiving Up The Trappings of Adulthood: ABDL & Ageplay with Jenby Doll & Tealeaves
Adult babies Jen and Tealeaves sat down with kirizal and S this week to share their experiences - through all the noise of stigma and misconceptions, they share the authenticity and joy of little space, kink as a core part of identity, the intimacy of vulnerability, and lots more. Plus - censorship and recent legal challenges, a fascinating diversion into inducing lactation, and Jen's plans to make an ABDL romcom (W/we are already so sat - someone please, fund it!). Content Note: Detailed discussion of diaper wearing and use, kinkshaming and stigma, and some conversation about misogyny and transphobia as elements of kink play. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies And visit @Tealeaves_ on Fetlife, and @Jenby_Doll on Fetlife and X Videos
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#41June 3 · 1 hr 26 minCan W/we Be Your Weird Cousins: Kink At Pride
It's Pride Month, so in the first of O/our queer focused episodes kirizal and S jump straight in with the annual discourse topic, does kink belong at Pride? W/we also chat about O/our first Prides, the commercialisation and coorporate involvement in Pride season, bystander consent, children and families at Pride, purity culture and the very British fear of acknowleding sex, and lots more! kirizal also manages to make S feel "a bit sick" which, given some of the stuff that they say on a regular basis, is quite impressive. There's a bit of a hum in the background of part of this one - mainly at the start and fades pretty quick once it gets going - once again technology has been vexing U/us. Apologies! Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials plus O/our merch at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#40May 27 · 1 hr 55 minJust me And The Cat: Addiction, Recovery, & A Little Bit Of Kink
After the S-heavy long distance episode, W/we thought it was kirizal's turn to have the spotlight and dive into one of their specialist topics - addiction and recovery. kirizal spent most of their 20s battling mental health issues which spiralled into drug dependency and a crisis that almost cost them their life. In this episode W/we talk about that journey through into recovery, unmasking the darker side of 12 step programs, and kirizal's post-recovery life and the shift to a recovery-capital based moderation approach. But what does that have to do with kink? W/we talk about pleasure-seeking as a coping mechanism, neurodiversity crossovers, self-medicating of shame, and the complex relationship people can have with control and surrender. Plus, at the centre of it all connection - the healing power of community. Content Note: This is an emotional one - detailed discussion of drug use including intravenous drug use, overdose, suicide attempt, suicide, pet death, transphobia, shame, "13th stepping" sexual abuse, domestic violence and sexual assault within 12 step groups. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#39May 20 · 1 hr 37 minGetting Very Very Sleepy: Hypnosis with Lana and Edward
Lana and Edward join kirizal and S to give U/us an introduction into the wild world of erotic hypnosis. Navigating censorship to find resources, what appeals about the closest thing to magic and mind control that people can tap into, favourite experiences and riskiest mistakes, managing risk, and an overview of how it works. This episode may have unlocked a new kink for U/us - and offers a fascinating insight into an often hidden area of kink. Content Note: Discussion of psychology heavy play including false perception of serious injury, inability to recognise a partner, and reduced intelligence General themes of mind control and heavy consensual non-consent. Discussion of high risk play and ethically grey areas. Check out @HipHypnotist on Fetlife for resources on hypno play Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#38May 13 · 1 hr 17 minJust Hit me With Your Car: Crash (1996)
Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the question does representation matter when fetishism is portrayed so far outside reality? Plus - what is non-diagetic kink, what can Crash tell U/us about how the eroticisation of a universal threat works, and a look at intensity as a kink in itself. Content Note: This episode contains - as you might expect - discussion of car crashes, including injuries and fatalities. W/we also discuss consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, fantasies about sexual assault, and misogyny. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#37May 6 · 1 hr 29 minThicker Than Water: Playing with Blood
This week, kirizal and S get into all the gory details of blood play. From the visual appeal to the perceived - if not always actual - intensity, W/we chat about what it does for U/us and the unique sensations. W/we share some memorable scenes - including the first time W/we met and the first time W/we had sex, plus chat toys and techniques, the details of planning a scene, and the all important safety and risk tips. Plus - S finds out for sure that They're not a masochist in quite a spiky way, and kirizal finally discovers a kink they don't like. Content Note: Strong, bloody violence throughout! Discussion includes needles, scalpels, spiky impact play, menstruation, and consensual non-consent play. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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#36April 29 · 1 hr 55 minThe Kink Dynasty: Life as a BDSM Model & Author With Ariel Anderssen
BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact of increasing censorship on the adult industry. Content Note: Discussion of religious shame and the impact of child abuse Ariel's new book, Dirty, is coming in early June. It's now fully funded, and you can find more information here: https://www.arielanderssenauthor.com/dirty Follow Ariel on Substack: https://arielanderssen.substack.com/ Follow Ariel on X (NSFW Images): https://x.com/ArielAnderssen Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
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