Lit Lessons on Flight SchoolWrite Heroic. Be Heroic.
Welcome into Flight School:
It’s back-to-school at the Studio but also at the Conscious Writers Collective where I’m teaching Bones of Storytelling for Maya C. Popa and a lot of very bright, hungry and inquisitive minds. NOTE: Yes, you can join us. It’s never too late. More on that in a moment. One thing that bubbled up was a story I’m not proud of but that illustrated perfectly what ambition does to the best of people with the best of intentions: It was 2021, lockdowns, my daughter struggling, and I had a deadline. A book going out to publishers the next morning. And I chose the book over her, yelled and ranted rather than being there for someone I adore.
I’ve never forgotten that moment. I never will. And that’s what ambition looks like at its worst — not the drive, not the hunger, not the desire for success, fame, money. Those are understandable. Human, even. It’s OVER DRIVE of ambition at its worst and the moment you realize what you traded for it. And that you can never get it back.
The history:
First book (Blackbird, 2000): Because I was with a man who needed me to show up financially and do my part.
Second book (Still Waters, 2001): Because the publisher, editor and agent insisted it be done “NOW” for the sake of my career and sale and holding tight the wave of initial success. Plus, tack on a nonexistent happy ending, I was told. Readers LOVE happy endings.
Third book: (Show Me the Way, 2003):Because after #2—which didn’t do well thanks to the release a month after 9-11, a fact I pointed out was a disaster-decision all it’s own but was ignored—I now had to “redeem myself,” as if the date of release was my call.
Fourth book (Found, 2011): Because, as my numbers tanked—my agent, editor, and publisher were no longer interested in me—I threw this one together with a new publisher (a smaller one) in order just to have “something out there.”
The last thing I published was an essay edited by Ann Hood and published in the Norton Anthology Knitting Yarns, 2013. (TY Hope Edelman for recommending me and Ann’s heroic editing skills).
Then I stopped. Just stopped. Not writing. I’ve written my little fingers off and have a lot of wonderful writing piling around me, but I stopped with the ambition that was ruining me and a business that made so little real sense.
My ambition reasserted itself in 2021 when I felt I had a pretty decent draft of a novel and, having secured another agent, was back in the whirlwind again. Cue the insanity.
It’s easy for me to say that a writer needs to seek a balance for their writing life and ambitions. I’ve enjoyed astronomical successes that I can look back on and even call upon (would you even be reading this if I didn’t? Doubtful).
And, how I wish I would have listened when I was told to put this all into perspective and seek balance first. What I mean is this:
Balance in perspective.
In ambition.
In obligations.
In energy.
In happiness.
In rest.
What Balance Looks Like: A Habit of Being
My favorite go to for this question is the letters of Flannery O’Connor which are in this amazing collection, The Habit of Being, edited by Sally Fitzgerald. O’Connor had lupus, forcing balance in her life. She gave about 2.5 hours a day. First thing in the morning. And that’s it. The rest of the time was filled with practice of her faith, peacocks, speaking, answering letters, being annoyed by and annoying her mother. It’s a wise and reasonable plan and I follow it to heal myself of my workaholic tendencies and the belief that “I have to get my book done.”
🤔 Your Turn:
What about you? What does your balanced-ambition look like? Share your process, and your sanity, or your struggles. I’m listening.
Thanks for being here, Jennifer 🐦⬛
PS: Yes. You can join me at CWC. We’re going until mid-December and there’s plenty of time for you to either drop in where we are and pick up, or even catch up. This is a class of fun, of deep thinking, and learning, and imagining. Check it out. And if you join, you are joining the PROSE collective as well as taking my class which is an amazing gift. Use BLACKBIRD in the coupon box for a $25 discount on your first month at CWC and enjoy.
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