Triple Hearts

The Talk Before, During & After Intimacy

People think the hardest part about sex is the act. We disagree. The hardest part is the conversation before, during, and after. This week Koko and Lala get into the sex talk: the one most people avoid until they are already in the moment. We start with a TikTok story that stuck with us. A woman quietly took PrEP for two years, found out her partner was cheating and HIV positive, and then got called "deceptive" for protecting herself. From there we ask the real questions. When is it okay to ask someone when they were last tested? Why is a grown person scared of a grown conversation? Does sexual compatibility have to be there from day one, or can you fix it with one honest talk? We also get into the stuff nobody says out loud. The "willing participant" versus the eager one. Why rushing kills the mood. How to tell someone to slow down without crushing their pride. Friend-zoning before and after. Whether sexual chemistry alone can hold a relationship together. And yes, grown men on little kid bikes. We had to. In our Poly Word of the Day we try to pronounce "polyerous" and lose to Google. Then our Open Letter brings a serious one: a listener's nesting partner wants to stop using condoms now that they are fluid bonded, but he has started seeing someone new who will not get tested. Is she the crazy one for saying no? Short answer: no. Fluid bonding is a network decision, not a two-person one. Whether you are monogamous, ethically non-monogamous, or still figuring it out, one thing never changes. Healthy relationships are built on honest conversations. Have the hard ones. They can save your life. If you have a question for Open Letter, send it in. It is always anonymous. Like, follow, share, and subscribe. We love you, Heartthrobs.

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EP 7: "Which One Is the Real One?" "Coming Out Poly"

Coming out isn't one big announcement. It happens again and again, with family, friends, co-workers, kids, and sometimes yourself. This week Koko and Lala get into living honestly while deciding who actually deserves access to your personal life. It opens with a listener who told her mom she has two partners and got asked, "So which one is the real one?" Koko's answer: both of them, and the question insults them both. They cover the news too: Ne-Yo losing endorsements after going public, and Akon saying the number of his wives is "up to one's imagination." Then the harder stuff. Should poly be protected like marital status? Would you tell your job? (Neither would.) Who in your family would be hardest to tell? Lala says her mom, in a family where her grandparents were married 51 years and her parents 38. Koko tells the Love After Lockup story: a man who had one woman pick him up from jail on the 20th, then went back, put the same clothes on, and had the other pick him up on the 21st. They talk kids: what to say when a child asks why someone looks different, the foster baby adopted by two dads, and the boy in Lala's DC program who cried when she hugged him. Word of the Day: polycurious. Coming out usually starts with coming out to yourself. The Open Letter: a mom who won't let the grandkids visit unless the girlfriend isn't around. Lala's answer is a hard no. You can choose honesty. You can choose privacy. What matters is that the choice is yours. Send your Open Letters to our DMs. We keep them anonymous. #TripleHearts #ComingOut #Polyamory #EthicalNonMonogamy #Polycurious

EP 6: "Single-ish" "Dating While Poly"

Dating is already complicated. Now add multiple partners, honesty, boundaries, and a whole lot of communication. This week, Koko and Lala talk about what dating while poly actually looks like, past the myths and the judgment. They start with Ne-Yo going public and the backlash he received for it. Then they get into hierarchy, the thing everyone new to poly worries about. Koko tells the story of a woman who went on two dates with her and her partner and decided the next day that the three of them were in a relationship. Her answer to the hierarchy fear: there's a hierarchy until there isn't. Let us get to know you first. Then it gets personal. Lala was out alone at a bar in DC when one of her partners walked in on a date with someone else. He came over and hugged her, and she says that made her like him more. Koko was with the same guy from 16 to 23 and picked her college because he was going there. Lala enlisted in the military because she was sleeping with her recruiter, then found out he had a wife and kids back home. They also try to figure out what solo poly is (Lala's verdict: that's just single), introduce this week's word, single-ish, debate whether jealousy is normal and whether one partner should meet all of your emotional needs, run through their green and red flags, and answer an Open Letter from a listener with two partners and a third who wants more. How do you tell someone you like them, but you're full? Next week is the sex episode. Send your Open Letters to our DMs. We keep them anonymous. #TripleHearts #Polyamory #DatingWhilePoly #EthicalNonMonogamy #Singleish

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Ep 5: F*ck Your Line

You got a serial monogamist and a serial cheater in the same relationship. That was never going to work. Wait. That's not this story. This one starts at a movie set. Koko shows up to do makeup. Coop sees her and tells his boy on the spot: I'm in love with the Koko. She posts something. He slides in. She says he's got to get in line. He says, fuck your line. Three and a half years later, they're building a closed triad, a feature film, and a whole life together. But it didn't start clean. There was a so called girlfriend. A birthday party where Cocoa found out she might be the side piece. A New Year's cruise where he was on the phone with her the whole time while someone else was sitting across the table. A cabin trip that was supposed to be the end, and a Valentine's Day that made it the beginning. Episode whatever number this is, Coop joins Lala and Koko to tell the whole story. When did this actually become a relationship, and do they even agree? The first date that went until 4am. The year of playing around that wasn't really playing. The train ride to New York where they built the blueprint. The moment they sat on the phone for hours and said, if we're doing this, here's how. And the closed triad they've been working toward ever since. Here's what else is in it. The girl who bought Koko flowers on the first date, then said oh you coming too when Coop got up to leave. The one who was gorgeous until she opened her mouth and started whining in the backseat. Why people say they want honesty but really prefer the fantasy. The relationship escalator and why nobody has to ride it. His patience versus her discernment, and why she's usually right. And an open letter from someone who just found out her man slept with someone two months into what she thought was already a relationship. He says they weren't official. She says he knew exactly what they were building. Who gets to decide when it started? One rule we don't break. We challenge bad structures and bad arguments, never people for how they love. New episodes every Wednesday. This is entertainment, not therapy. We are licensed only for opinions. It's complicated. On purpose.

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EP 4: I got diagnosed with the ICK

A hug. A jealous partner. A pool party gone sideways. Lala said, “Let’s talk tomorrow.” He insisted on right now. And just like that, the ick moved in. In Episode 4, Lala and Koko unpack the moment attraction turns into “absolutely the fuck not.” Is it intuition, unresolved baggage, or someone finally showing you who they are? And once you get the ick, can you come back? From a surprise kiss that touched Koko’s soul to tequila blackouts, public possessiveness, and hygiene dealbreakers, nothing is off-limits. Plus, an open letter asks: Are you throwing everything away over one bad moment, or did that moment tell you everything? Heartthrobs: What’s the smallest, funniest, or most serious thing that gave you the ick? Did they ever recover? DM us. New episodes every Wednesday. We challenge bad behavior, never people for how they love. Entertainment, not therapy. Licensed only for opinions. It’s complicated. On purpose.

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Ep. 3: I Was Telling Too Damn Much

She thought it was story time. Her partner's face said otherwise. Lala talks. Everybody knows Lala talks. So she told her people everything, and one of them balled up their face and said I did not need to hear that. Turns out honesty has a volume knob, and she had it all the way up. Episode three is communication. Not the greeting-card version. The real one. Why we shut down. Why we get defensive. Why it's easier to yell than to say, that hurt me. And why two people can hear the same sentence and walk away with two different meanings. Lala and Koko go straight at it. Can you love somebody deeply and still communicate badly? Yes, and fear is usually the reason. The difference between hearing and listening, which is comprehension, and most of us are listening to respond. The story you build brick by brick before your partner ever opens their mouth. And the rule they both live by now. It's you and me against the problem. Never you against me. Here is what else is in it. People who say "I'm poly" when they mean "I'm cheating." The LA Times finally writing about poly households, and what it got weird about. The night on 8th Street when a girl came for Lala and Lala went all the way ghetto, plus the on-air apology. Check-ins that are love versus check-ins that are a job. The 10-minutes-late interrogation. Knowing your f-no's before something happens, not after. The date who threw a fit over a joke and got told, we don't know you well enough to know your triggers. Word of the day: don't ask, don't tell, and whether it's avoiding conflict or avoiding communication. Koko's answer is both. And an open letter from a heartthrob who agreed to a no-details rule out of fear, and now the not-knowing is eating them alive. Next week: the multi-date life. New episodes every Wednesday at 7pm. One rule and we don't break it. We go after bad structures and bad arguments. Never people, for how they love. This is entertainment, not therapy. We are not licensed for anything except opinions, and we have plenty. It's complicated. On purpose.

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On The Line with La Ep 1: Church, a Threesome, and a Divorce

Messy Mondays is here, and this one starts at an ATM machine. Brenda calls in with the story she's kept close for years. A man at the ATM won't stop talking to her, then invites her to his church for healing. She goes. She likes the vibe, likes him, likes the people. Weeks later she finds out two things back to back: he's engaged, and he's the pastor. Then the real pitch comes. He wants his soon-to-be wife to be with a woman. He just hasn't told his fiancée who that woman is going to be yet. Strip poker. A threesome he called great. A follow-up visit from the fiancée that he didn't know about. Then both of them, pastor and bride, sneaking around trying to have Brenda on the side, each hiding it from the other. La walks Brenda through every red flag she waved off in the moment: the ring nobody mentioned, the fiancée who "wasn't into women" until she very much was, the pastor running two people at once and calling it faith. They get into what actually separates a poly relationship built on honesty from one that's just cheating with extra people in it, and why "I'm fine with it" is usually a lie you tell so you don't have to have the real conversation. Messy doesn't mean toxic. Sometimes it's a relationship. Sometimes it's family. Sometimes it's a phone call from an ATM that ends in somebody's marriage falling apart. New episodes every Monday. Got a mess of your own? Get on the line. This is entertainment, not therapy. We are not licensed for anything except opinions.

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Ep. 2: I Slapped Him in Front of Her

She came out of the bathroom and saw the two of them. So she slapped him. In front of the girl. Not her proudest moment. She tells it anyway, because the whole episode lives inside it. Jealousy does not discriminate. Single, married, monogamous, poly. It finds everybody. The only real question is what you do next. Lala and Koko go straight at it. The tight chest. The story you build in your head before your partner has said one word. The body language that tells on you before you even know you're upset. And the part nobody says out loud. Sometimes it isn't them. It's you. Here is what else is in it. The first date that went great, and the ride home where she couldn't sit next to him. The question that woke her up: look at your body language. Turtling, which is what she calls disappearing inside yourself instead of talking. The metamour who fed off every argument, and the day they let her go. A jealousy one of them sat on for years about a baby and a broken promise. Why men won't say the word out loud. Baggage you will help unpack versus baggage that is not your address. And a first night at Taboo that neither of them saw coming. One rule and we don't break it. We go after bad structures and bad arguments. Never people, for how they love. This is entertainment, not therapy. We are not licensed for anything except opinions, and we have plenty. It's complicated. On purpose.

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Ep. 1: A Serial Monogamist Meets a Serial Cheater

You got a serial monogamist and a serial cheater in the same relationship. That was never going to work. Episode one and nobody eases in. Lala and Koko go back to the start: The monogamy that kept not fitting, and the cheater who finished off what was left of it. Both of them land in the same place, the day they stopped asking permission. Messy, with the receipts. WHAT'S IN IT • How you end up here. Serial monogamy, a serial cheater, and an "open relationship" that was really one man hiding people from you. • The friend dating a married man. She has a quarter of him and no vote. • Growing up somewhere cheating is normal but honesty is the scandal. • First times, church-lady South Carolina, and being twelve and already knowing. • "I've learned a lot about men by dating women. These creatures are something else." • Red flags, group chats with no exit, and why energy never lies. • What each of them wants now. Out loud. No shrinking. New episodes every Wednesday. One rule we don't break: we go after bad structures and bad arguments, never people for how they love. This is entertainment, not therapy. We are not licensed for anything except opinions, and we have plenty. It's complicated. On purpose.

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