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Compassion in a T-Shirt

Dr Stan Steindl

A podcast exploring the science and practice of compassion. Offers clear and practical advice on how to cultivate compassion and self-compassion from experts in the field. Life can be difficult, and this podcast is designed to help. Compassion in a T-Shirt has featured guests including Professor Paul Gilbert, Professor Terri Moyers, Professor James Doty, Deirdre Fay, Dr Chris Germer, Dr Kristin Neff, Dr Marcela Matos, Dr James Kirby, and more.

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S1 · E145
August 14 · 51 min
Happiness at Work Is a Human Right | Daniela Jinés
What if happiness at work isn’t a perk, but something much more fundamental? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with organisational happiness and wellbeing strategist Daniela Jinés about what it really means to be happy at work — and why happiness, compassion and human performance may be much more closely connected than we realise. Daniela shares her remarkable journey from law and human rights into humanitarian work and organisational happiness, including the personal health crisis that forced her to reconsider how she was working and leading. We explore happiness not simply as pleasure or positivity, but as something connected to self-awareness, purpose, relationships, safety and the way we treat ourselves and others. We also explore the pressures built into modern working life — threat, drive, burnout and our relentless focus on productivity — and ask whether responsibility for wellbeing sits with individual workers or with the organisations around them. Daniela makes the provocative case for happiness at work as a human right, while also acknowledging how difficult systemic change can be. Along the way, we discuss the hedonic treadmill, the neuroscience of happiness, compassionate leadership, Daniela’s HAND Model, self-compassion and the inner critic, and the small everyday actions that can help us create happier and more compassionate workplaces. Again and again, the conversation comes back to one deceptively simple starting point: self-awareness. Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome to Compassion in a T-Shirt 01:20 How did happiness become your life’s work? 05:25 What do we actually mean by happiness? 11:40 What role do self-awareness and self-empathy play? 15:20 What gets in the way of happiness at work? 18:15 Are our workplaces built around threat and drive? 27:40 Is burnout an individual or organisational problem? 30:40 Have we become too focused on productivity? 36:35 What is the HAND Model? 45:15 How can we make work happier and more compassionate? Links: Find Daniela Jinés at her website: https://happyorganizations.org/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/KIOQrynBTeY *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: Compassion, HappinessAtWork, WorkplaceWellbeing, SelfCompassion, OrganizationalHappiness, CompassionateLeadership
S1 · E144
August 6 · 8 min
Chris Irons Discussing the "Third Arrow" of Shame
Why do painful experiences sometimes spiral into shame and harsh self-criticism? In this excerpt from my conversation with clinical psychologist Dr Chris Irons, we explore a powerful idea in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): the Third Arrow. Building on the traditional Buddhist teaching of the Two Arrows, Chris explains how Paul Gilbert recognised an additional layer of suffering that many of us experience—shame and self-criticism about our pain. Together we explore how shame can trap us in a "bubble" of threat, why reconnection often takes courage, the qualities of the compassionate self, the difference between internal and external shame, and how compassionate inquiry can help us respond to suffering with greater wisdom, strength and care. This is one of my favourite moments from our full conversation and beautifully captures the heart of Compassion Focused Therapy. If you enjoy this excerpt, be sure to watch the complete interview with Chris Irons on the channel. https://youtu.be/mfK3XBCWQWg And I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Which idea resonated most with you? Timestamps: 00:00 The Third Arrow 00:18 The Buddhist Two Arrows 01:08 Paul Gilbert's Third Arrow 01:45 Shame, Self-Criticism and the Bubble 02:40 Why CFT Attends to All Three Arrows 03:40 Reconnection Takes Courage 04:45 The Compassionate Self 05:50 Who's Walking the Dog? 06:50 Internal and External Shame 07:55 Compassionate Inquiry Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/WaRylOh4nFY *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassionfocusedtherapy, compassion, selfcriticism, shame, paulgilbert, chrisirons
S1 · E143
July 31 · 50 min
How Self-Compassion Can Change Your Life | Clarissa Rayward
I think this interview speaks to anyone who has ever wondered whether success has come at too great a cost. After building a successful legal career, Clarissa Rayward reached a point where she dreaded driving to work. Rather than walking away from the profession she loved, she chose a different path—one that led her to rethink success, embrace self-compassion, and ultimately create Happy Lawyer Happy Life. In this conversation, Clarissa shares the deeply personal story behind that turning point, the lessons she learned from burnout and grief, and how those experiences transformed the way she practises family law, leads her team, and lives her life. Together, we explore self-compassion, perfectionism, courage, receiving help, redefining success, and why genuine wellbeing isn't about lowering our standards but creating a life that's sustainable. We also dive into some fascinating questions about compassion in the legal profession. Can compassion exist within an adversarial system? What happens when we shift from asking, "Who's right?" to "What really matters?" Clarissa explains how collaborative practice, curiosity and deep listening are changing the way she helps families navigate separation and conflict. Towards the end of our conversation, we also explore the rise of artificial intelligence and why, despite extraordinary technological change, genuinely listening to another person may become even more valuable. It was particularly meaningful when Clarissa reflected on what it felt like to simply be listened to—a timely reminder that compassion often begins not with advice, but with understanding. Whether you're a lawyer, psychologist, healthcare professional, leader, parent, or simply someone trying to build a meaningful life, I think you'll find something valuable in Clarissa's wisdom. If you enjoy conversations exploring compassion, wellbeing and human flourishing, I'd love you to subscribe to the channel and join us for future interviews and video essays. Connect with Clarissa Rayward Happy Lawyer Happy Life https://www.happylawyerhappylife.com/ Podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/6Swqki7ooLQ8fDV1AlhXsY Book https://www.happylawyerhappylife.com/thebook/ Brisbane Family Law Centre https://www.bflc.com.au/ Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 The burnout that changed everything 08:30 Early warning signs and perfectionism 13:20 Self-compassion and asking for help 20:00 Redefining success 27:45 The three flows of compassion 34:15 Compassion in family law 41:30 Changing the legal profession 44:45 AI, listening and staying human 47:30 What really matters in life 50:10 Closing reflections 23:47 Final Takeaways Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/MLwwJ-NYfYo *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassion, selfcompassion, burnout, wellbeing, happiness, familylaw
S1 · E142
July 25 · 24 min
Reflective Listening: The Magic Mirror of Compassionate Listening
What if the most powerful listening skill isn't asking better questions—but making better reflections? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr. Stan Steindl explores one of the core skills of compassionate communication: reflective listening. Drawing on Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and the work of Carl Rogers, you'll learn how reflections help people feel understood, organise their thoughts, discover deeper meaning, and often arrive at their own insights. Using the metaphor of an ordinary mirror versus a magic mirror, this episode explains why reflections are far more than repeating someone's words. They become a compassionate way of helping people understand themselves. Whether you're a therapist, coach, healthcare professional, leader, teacher, parent, partner, or simply someone who wants to become a better listener, these practical skills can transform your conversations. If this video was helpful, I'd love for you to like, subscribe, and share it with someone who values meaningful conversations. Small changes in the way we listen can make an enormous difference to the people around us. Timestamps: 00:00 Surface vs Deep Talk 01:06 Questions vs Reflections 02:46 What Is a Reflection? 04:38 Simple Reflections 06:07 Complex Reflection Magic 08:03 Reflecting Feelings 11:38 Reflecting Meaning 14:33 Choosing What to Reflect 16:22 Special Reflection Types 19:50 Drop the Reflection Stems 21:05 Putting It All Together 22:27 Compassion in Action 23:47 Final Takeaways Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/2et5eQKwBnA *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: reflectivelistening, compassionfocusedtherapy, compassion, motivationinterviewing, communicationskills, activelistening
S1 · E141
July 17 · 10 min
Better Listening Starts With Better Questions
Most of us think good listening means staying quiet. But great listeners do something else as well—they ask better questions. When someone is struggling, it's natural to want to offer advice, share our own experience, or tell them what we think they should do. But what if, instead of giving another answer, we asked another question? In this episode, I explore one of the most powerful listening skills I know: Ask, Don't Tell. Drawing on compassion, motivational interviewing, and over 25 years of clinical psychology, I'll show you how turning advice into thoughtful questions can help people discover their own wisdom, strengthen relationships, and create deeper, more meaningful conversations. You'll also learn a practical framework of eight different question types—from opening and exploring questions through to strength, possibility and commitment questions—that you can start using immediately in everyday life, whether you're a parent, partner, friend, leader, coach, therapist or simply someone who wants to listen more compassionately. If you've ever wondered how to become a better listener, it might start with asking better questions. Timestamps: 00:00 A childhood question I never forgot 00:50 Why good questions matter so much 01:30 Ask, don't tell: a simple listening shift 02:28 Turning advice into thoughtful questions 03:22 The motivational interviewing mindset 04:19 Open versus closed questions 05:34 Eight question types for better listening 05:52 Opening, exploring and clarifying questions 06:47 Perspective and balancing questions 07:27 Strength, possibility and commitment questions 08:51 Avoiding advice disguised as questions 09:36 The quiet power of curiosity Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/pCJN49ez_Mw *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: listening, listeningskills, communicationskills, motivationalinterviewing, compassion, psychology
S1 · E140
July 11 · 13 min
Listening Without Fixing: Why Advice Often Backfires
The more I tried to help, the less effective I sometimes became. It sounds backwards, but years ago I discovered that the harder I pushed with advice, solutions, or persuasion, the more resistance I often encountered. That experience led me to one of the most important lessons I've learned as a psychologist: sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do is stop trying to fix and start trying to understand. In this episode, I explore why our urge to fix is usually well-intentioned, but can sometimes get in the way of genuinely helping. Drawing on Compassion Focused Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and three fascinating psychological theories—Self-Perception Theory, Psychological Reactance, and Self-Determination Theory—we look at why people are often more likely to discover their own answers than adopt ours. You'll also learn practical ways to become a more compassionate listener by replacing advice with curiosity, reflection, and thoughtful questions that help others find their own way forward. If you've ever found yourself wanting to solve someone else's problems (or wishing someone would simply listen to yours!) I hope this episode gives you a different way of thinking about what it means to help. If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Have you ever experienced a conversation where being listened to was more helpful than receiving advice? Timestamps: 00:00 Why Trying to Fix Fails 01:14 The Urge to Fix 02:57 Compassion Means Understanding 03:22 Why Advice Needs Understanding 04:07 How Talking Creates Clarity 05:15 Why We Resist Advice 07:21 Why Autonomy Drives Change 08:23 Listening Is Real Help 09:13 Three Ways to Listen Better 11:02 Listening as Compassion 12:08 A Simple Experiment This Week 12:54 Final Thoughts Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/UT29TU1-WQY *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: listening, compassion, compassionfocusedtherapy, motivationalinterviewing, psychology, communication
S1 · E139
July 10 · 45 min
The Three Circles Model Put to the Test | Dylan Moloney-Gibb
Can we actually measure the Three Circles Model? And if we can, what does that tell us about what's happening in our brains, bodies, and emotions? For years, the Three Circles Model has been one of the central ideas in Compassion Focused Therapy, helping therapists and clients make sense of threat, drive, and soothing. But until recently, it had never really been tested scientifically. In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I'm joined by compassion researcher Dr Dylan Moloney-Gibb to discuss his groundbreaking research, recently published in Behaviour Research and Therapy. Together with colleagues Chase Sherwell, Sasha Lynn and James Kirby, Dylan explores whether the Three Circles Model reflects measurable changes in physiology, using heart rate variability (HRV) alongside the new digital Three Circles app. We explore how the app works, why it may offer advantages over traditional questionnaires, and what happens to threat, drive and soothing when people move through rest, stress, recovery and compassion. We also discuss some surprising findings—including why the compassion exercise didn't produce the changes the researchers expected—and what this might mean for the future of Compassion Focused Therapy, emotion regulation research, and clinical practice. Whether you're a therapist, researcher, student, or simply curious about compassion, neuroscience and emotion regulation, I think you'll find this a fascinating conversation. Timestamps: 00:00 Meet Dr Dylan Moloney-Gibb 02:16 The Three Circles app 02:34 Understanding threat, drive and soothing 07:59 Why this research matters 11:21 Measuring circle dominance 14:03 Is the soothing system more than calmness? 16:45 The Triple R study design (Rest, Reactivity, Recovery) 20:30 The compassion exercise 23:04 What happened to the Three Circles? 28:53 Comparing the circles with heart rate variability (HRV) 31:34 Why balance between the circles matters 38:31 Future directions for research 42:19 What this means for therapists and the future of CFT Links: The Three Circle Model of Compassion Focused Therapy: An Experimental Paradigm to Assess Dynamic Psychophysiological Changes of Emotion Regulation Systems (Moloney-Gibb, Sherwell, Lynn & Kirby, 2026). Open Access at https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2026.105028 Find links to Dylan’s other papers here: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Dylan-Moloney-Gibb Find the Three Circles App here: https://www.threecircles.io/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/ZklIRyBzpkY *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: CompassionFocusedTherapy, ThreeCirclesModel, EmotionRegulation, SelfCompassion, HeartRateVariability, HRV, Neuroscience, ClinicalPsychology, Psychotherapy, CompassionScience, MentalHealth, Psychology, PaulGilbert, DylanMoloneyGibb, StanSteindl
S1 · E138
June 20 · 11 min
How to Listen Better: 7 Skills of Compassionate Listening
Most of us think listening is easy. But if we're honest, we often listen with the intention to reply, advise, fix, persuade, or tell our own story. In this follow-up to my recent episode on listening as compassion, I explore what compassionate listening actually looks like in practice. Drawing on ideas from compassion-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, and the work of Carl Rogers, I share seven simple skills that can help us become better listeners in our everyday lives. These aren't just communication techniques. They are ways of creating the kind of safety and understanding that help people feel heard, valued, and less alone. In this video, you'll learn: . Why "No Fixin'" is often the best place to start . How to "Ask, Don't Tell” . Why reflection is one of the most powerful listening skills . How to listen for feelings and deeper meaning . Why silence is often where the real conversation begins . What it means to put your agenda down . Why understanding someone doesn't require agreeing with them Whether you're a therapist, coach, leader, teacher, parent, partner, or friend, these skills can help you have more compassionate and meaningful conversations. As Carl Rogers famously said: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Perhaps something similar is true in our conversations. When people feel accepted and understood, they often find their own way forward. I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Which of these listening skills comes most naturally to you? And which one do you find most challenging? Timestamps: 00:00 Why Listening Is Compassion 00:50 Threat vs Curiosity 01:14 Tip 1 No Fixing 02:13 Tip 2 Ask Dont Tell 04:02 Tip 3 If In Doubt Reflect 05:08 Tip 4 Feelings and Meaning 07:20 Tip 5 Make Friends With Silence 08:16 Tip 6 Put Your Agenda Down 09:10 Tip 7 Understand Without Agreeing 10:15 Key Takeaways and Closing Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/oWHmGIjn4FA *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassionatelistening, compassion, selfcompassion, empathy, psychology, communicationskills
S1 · E137
June 12 · 14 min
Why Listening Is the Most Powerful Act of Compassion
After the unexpected death of a dear friend, I found myself doing what many of us do when faced with grief. I tried to stay strong. I tried to carry on. But it wasn't until I sat around a campfire with friends—sharing memories, expressing sadness, and listening to one another—that something began to shift. That experience got me thinking about listening. In a world increasingly shaped by social media algorithms, advertising, political polarisation, and the constant pressure to broadcast our opinions, genuine listening can feel surprisingly rare. Yet being heard remains one of the most powerful human experiences we can offer one another. In this episode, I explore listening as an act of compassion. We journey from ancient oral traditions and Indigenous storytelling, through Socrates, Confucius, Carl Rogers, and motivational interviewing, to consider why listening helps reduce defensiveness, soften threat, create connection, and transform isolation into belonging. Listening doesn't necessarily remove suffering. A grieving friend still grieves. A difficult situation may remain difficult. But when people feel heard, something important happens. We feel less alone. We feel understood. And sometimes, that's where healing begins. Timestamps: 00:00 Grief and the urge to hide 00:39 Healing through being heard 01:39 Listening as the core skill 02:07 A world that rewards noise 03:08 Listening across history 05:20 From waiting to real listening 05:56 Carl Rogers and empathy 07:20 Compassion begins with listening 08:19 How being heard changes us 09:57 Listening as a bridge in conflict 11:00 Motivational interviewing basics 11:40 What compassionate listening sounds like 12:35 Why listening matters now 13:28 The gift of listening Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/5dQZymv8lp8 *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: listening, compassion, empathy, psychology, communication, relationships, mentalhealth, wellbeing, connection, selfcompassion
S1 · E136
June 4 · 50 min
Teacher Burnout, Stress Contagion & Self-Compassion | Dr Rita Princi-Hubbard
Teacher burnout doesn't just affect teachers—it affects students too. In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr Stan Steindl speaks with Clinical Psychologist, educator, researcher, and founder of the Institute for Neuroscience and Education, Dr Rita Princi-Hubbard, about compassionate pedagogy, teacher wellbeing, and the fascinating ways stress and emotional regulation can flow between teachers and students. Drawing on her PhD research and her chapter, Teaching the New Teacher with Compassionate Pedagogy, Rita explains why many teachers enter the profession without sufficient training in child development, emotional regulation, trauma, attachment, and self-compassion. She argues that understanding how people work—not just how students learn—is one of the missing pieces in modern teacher education. The conversation explores the concept of "stress contagion" and the bidirectional relationship between teacher and student wellbeing. Rita shares research showing how teacher stress can influence students, how student distress can affect teachers, and why self-compassion may be one of the most important tools for preventing burnout and creating emotionally safe learning environments. Stan and Rita discuss: • Teacher burnout and the growing pressures facing educators • Stress contagion and emotional co-regulation in the classroom • Why teacher wellbeing matters for student wellbeing • Compassion Focused Therapy and the Three Systems Model • Attachment, trauma, and child development in education • The limits of rewards-and-consequences behaviour management • Self-compassion and receiving support as an educator • Heart rate variability research conducted in real classrooms • Compassionate pedagogy and social justice • What teacher education programs may be missing Whether you're a teacher, school leader, psychologist, parent, student, or simply interested in compassion and education, this conversation offers a compelling vision for how understanding, connection, and compassion can help both teachers and students flourish. Timestamps: 00:00 Compassion Meets Education 02:11 Why Teacher Training Falls Short 03:10 Stress Contagion Explained 04:59 Modern Teacher Stressors 10:19 Teacher Shame and Self-Doubt 12:03 Inside the Research Design 15:32 The Eight Module Program 19:51 Self-Compassion for Teachers 25:39 Receiving Help Without Guilt 27:46 Three Systems Model in Classrooms 33:18 Beyond Rewards and Consequences 37:47 Heart Rate Variability Findings 43:14 Compassion and Social Justice 44:47 Redesigning Teacher Education 47:26 Advice for Burnout Beginners 49:43 Closing Reflections and Thanks If you enjoyed this conversation, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who cares about education, wellbeing, and compassion. Links: Rita Princi-Hubbard’s website: https://www.in-ed.com.au/copy-of-consulting Compassionate Pedagogy in Higher Education: International Perspectives https://www.amazon.com.au/Compassionate-Pedagogy-Higher-Education-International/dp/1911451448/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/D_H0t8YvqMw *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: teacherwellbeing, teacherburnout, compassionatepedagogy, selfcompassion, education, compassionfocusedtherapy
S1 · E135
May 29 · 53 min
Therapist Burnout & the Fixer Mindset | Tania Kalkidis
What if therapist burnout isn’t a personal failure, but a consequence of how we train psychologists to relate to themselves? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Tania Kalkidis about therapist burnout, the pressure to “fix” clients, and how modern mental health systems can unintentionally reinforce shame, perfectionism, emotional disconnection, and exhaustion in clinicians themselves. Drawing on psychodynamic psychotherapy, relational therapy, attachment theory, neuroscience, and supervision practice, Tania explores why unconscious processes, defenses, and countertransference are central to effective therapy — not optional extras. We discuss how ignoring the therapist’s own internal experience can lead to resistance, misattunement, self-criticism, discouragement, and burnout for both therapist and client. One of the things I found especially powerful in this conversation was Tania’s emphasis on the hidden shame many therapists carry around not knowing, struggling, or needing support themselves. We talk about emotional safety in supervision, why negative supervisory experiences can become deeply wounding, and how reflective practice and self-awareness are essential for sustainable therapeutic work. Along the way, we explore attachment, epigenetics, implicit memory, social mentalities, emotional safety, and the relational dynamics unfolding moment to moment inside the therapy room. Tania also introduces her “Parallel Realities” model, designed to help clinicians normalise their inner experiences, reduce harsh self-criticism, and reconnect with confidence, curiosity, compassion, and meaning in their work. If you’re a psychologist, therapist, counsellor, supervisor, or mental health practitioner interested in psychodynamic psychotherapy, Compassion Focused Therapy, therapist burnout, attachment theory, unconscious processes, supervision, and the deeper emotional realities of therapeutic work, I think you’ll find a lot in this conversation. Tania also shares details of her free webinar on using Socratic questioning to help therapists move beyond exhaustion and the fixer mindset. Timestamps: 00:00 Therapist Burnout And The Fixer Trap 02:09 Why Therapists Become Fixers 03:56 System Pressures And Training Gaps 09:48 Resistance, Pressure, And Client Impact 14:54 Modern Psychodynamic Therapy Explained 18:23 The Unconscious And Implicit Memory 22:15 Attachment, Neuroscience, And Epigenetics 26:51 Why The Therapist’s Inner World Matters 32:51 The Parallel Realities Model 42:14 Emotional Safety In Supervision 44:55 Burnout Prevention And Self Reflection 49:24 Encouragement For Exhausted Therapists 51:52 Webinar And Closing Links: Tania Kalkidis’s website: https://deepmindpt.com/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/ZlfSyMLkHMM *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: psychology, psychodynamictherapy, therapistburnout, compassionfocusedtherapy, psychotherapy, attachmenttheory
S1 · E134
May 22 · 53 min
Should Therapists be More Human? | Glenn Roberts
How personal should therapists be? Should helping professionals maintain emotional distance — or is genuine human connection part of what makes therapy healing? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with consultant psychiatrist, writer, and editor Dr Glenn Roberts about one of the most important questions in therapy, psychiatry, and helping work: how much of ourselves should we bring into the room? Beginning with Carl Jung’s powerful idea of the wounded healer — “The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected” — we explore what it really means for clinicians to be touched by the suffering of others without becoming overwhelmed. Glenn offers a rich and compassionate perspective on the bridge between the personal and the professional. We discuss vulnerability, emotional openness, supervision, personal therapy, professional culture, and the difference between healthy boundaries and emotional barriers. This conversation also touches on the depersonalising effects of modern healthcare systems, the unintended costs of highly competitive training cultures, and why warmth, kindness, and compassion may be among the most therapeutic qualities a clinician can bring. We also venture into the emerging world of AI therapy, asking whether something fundamentally human is lost when care becomes entirely impersonal. One especially moving part of the conversation is Glenn’s reflection on the late Mike Shooter — former President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists — whose openness about his own depression became a important source of hope during Glenn’s own difficult period, and helped inspire the creation of his remarkable book, Personally Speaking. If you’re a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, coach, helping professional — or simply interested in compassion, human connection, and what makes healing possible — I think you’ll find a lot in this conversation. In this episode, we explore: • Carl Jung’s wounded healer and what it means in real clinical work • Why being “affected” may be essential to therapeutic effectiveness • Vulnerability, authenticity, and emotional presence in therapy • Professional boundaries vs emotional disconnection • The hidden costs of competitive training cultures • Supervision, personal therapy, and practitioner self-development • Recovery-oriented care and learning from lived experience • Why patients often value kindness more than technical expertise • AI therapy and whether human connection can be simulated • Building warmer, more compassionate teams and services Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and the big question 00:42 Meet Dr Glenn Roberts and Personally Speaking 02:51 Carl Jung and the wounded healer 06:51 What does it mean to be “affected”? 10:45 Training, vulnerability, and professional culture 19:56 Supervision and personal therapy 23:09 Boundaries without barriers 26:10 AI therapy and the missing human element 29:36 Recovery, lived experience, and service-user wisdom 36:02 Warmth, compassion, and cultivating better teams 42:53 Mike Shooter and a powerful personal story 49:40 Practical reflections for clinicians If this conversation resonates, please like, subscribe, and share — it helps more people discover these important conversations. Links: Find Dr Roberts’s book Personally Speaking here: https://personally-speaking.com/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/r7nM12grS-E *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassion, psychotherapy, psychology, psychiatry, mentalhealth, woundedhealer
S1 · E135
May 16 · 9 min
Compassion Is More Than Just Soothing
What if the opposite of threat isn’t relaxation… but safeness? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr Stan Steindl explores a powerful and often misunderstood idea from Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): the soothing-affiliative system. Many people think compassion is simply about calming down, relaxing, or “down-regulating” stress. But drawing on Professor Paul Gilbert’s recent writing, Stan argues that compassion is far more alive, relational, and energising than that. Affiliative relationships don’t just soothe our threat system — they can also activate dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphin systems linked to openness, social connection, exploration, play, and vitality. Using the three systems model in Compassion Focused Therapy (threat, drive, and soothing), Stan explores why the opposite of threat may not be relaxation at all — but safeness. And safeness is not merely the absence of danger. It’s the presence of connection. Along the way, Stan reflects on insights from John Bowlby’s attachment theory, Paul Gilbert’s biopsychosocial model, and conversations from Compassion in a T-Shirt with Elaine Beaumont, Chris Irons, and Charlie Heriot-Maitland. This episode explores: . Compassion Focused Therapy explained simply . The three emotion regulation systems . Why compassion is not just soothing . The difference between relaxation and safeness . Attachment, secure base, and emotional connection . Why compassion can feel difficult or threatening . How compassion helps us change our relationship with difficult emotions . Compassion as courage, connection, and flourishing If you’ve ever found compassion practices unexpectedly difficult—or if you’ve wondered why connection can feel both comforting and vulnerable—this episode is for you. If you enjoy these conversations, please subscribe, leave a comment, or share this video with someone who might find it helpful. Timestamps 00:00 Safeness Feels Alive 01:23 The Three Systems Model 02:13 Affiliation Opens Us 04:23 Safeness, Not Relaxation 04:56 Secure Base to Explore 05:51 The Biopsychosocial Model 07:06 When Compassion Feels Hard 08:17 Learning Safeness Gradually 09:03 Compassion Reorganises Life 09:32 Closing and Subscribe #CompassionFocusedTherapy #SelfCompassion #PaulGilbert #AttachmentTheory #MentalHealth #Psychology
S1 · E133
May 15 · 54 min
Hope, Compassion & Motivational Interviewing | Denise Ernst
How do we find hope in the current global landscape? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with psychologist and motivational interviewing trainer Denise Ernst for a thoughtful and deeply human conversation about hope — what it is, where it comes from, and why it may be one of the most important yet under-discussed elements of motivational interviewing. Denise describes hope not simply as optimism or positive thinking, but as a kind of living energy that exists alongside compassion, empathy, and love. We explore the idea that hope is not something we “install” into people, but something we help call forth — something already present, even beneath despair, trauma, or self-doubt. Together we discuss deep listening, the fixing reflex, change talk and “hope talk,” the role of equanimity, and how motivational interviewing creates the conditions for hope to emerge through partnership, acceptance, compassion, and empowerment. Denise also reflects on the importance of practitioners staying connected to their own “wellspring” of hope through self-awareness, self-compassion, nature, meditation, yoga, and intentional practice. This conversation moves beyond therapy techniques into something broader and more universal: how we remain connected to goodness, meaning, and possibility in difficult times. [If you enjoyed this conversation, please consider subscribing to the channel, sharing the episode, or leaving a review on your podcast app — it really helps more people discover these conversations on compassion, psychology, and human wellbeing.] Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and Introduction 01:53 What Is Hope? 05:34 Calling Forth What Is Already There 08:46 Trauma, Threat, and Dormant Hope 11:19 Discovering Your Own Wellspring of Hope 16:00 Hope as a Practice 20:39 MI Spirit, Presence, and Deep Listening 24:32 Listening for “Hope Talk” 30:29 The Fixing Reflex and Backfire 35:34 Equanimity and Holding Both Hope and Despair 36:10 Hope, Compassion, and the Prism Metaphor 42:00 Motivational Interviewing as Human Connection 45:41 Self-Compassion for Practitioners 47:59 Hope in Difficult Times 53:15 Final Reflections Links: Dr Denise Ernst’s website: https://deniseernst.com/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/zHZ5Caru0aA *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: motivationalinterviewing, hope, compassion, selfcompassion, psychotherapy, mentalhealth
S1 · E132
May 8 · 1 hr 4 min
Self-Criticism, Shame & Compassion From the Inside | Chris Irons
What happens inside your mind when you wake up irritable frustrated…and then start criticising yourself for it? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) expert Dr Chris Irons for a reflective, inside-out conversation on shame, self-criticism, and how compassion actually shows up in real life. We begin with a simple but, I suspect, relatable moment—waking up in a bad mood—and follow how threat system activation can cascade through the day, leading to frustration, disconnection, and a second layer of shame and self-criticism. Chris introduces the powerful “three arrows” metaphor (pain, defensive responses, and shame/self-criticism), and shares a vivid analogy of shame as “too much salt,” overpowering our emotional experience. We explore how self-criticism, rumination, and worry can trap us in loops, why awareness can sometimes make things worse, and how cultivating compassionate wisdom, courage, and care can help us respond differently. Chris also shares insights into Compassionate Mind Training (CMT), including the “compassionate ladder,” fears, blocks, and resistances to compassion, and how practices can be tailored to individual differences such as attachment style, shame, and neurodiversity. We also look ahead to emerging research in CFT, including ADHD, hormonal influences, and how technology and personalised approaches may shape the future of compassion-based interventions. This is a more open, less structured, conversation about what it’s actually like to be with our minds, and how we might learn to meet ourselves with compassion. I hope you enjoy it! Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 01:27 Irritable Morning Story 03:36 Tricky Minds and Threat Loops 07:37 Self Criticism and Shame Spiral 12:29 The Three Arrows Explained 16:12 Reconnection Needs Courage 17:31 Compassion Qualities and Shame Types 22:32 Shame as Too Much Salt 26:13 Finding Compassion in the Dark 28:40 Practice Pathways and Compassion Ladder 30:37 Compassion Ladder Basics 31:14 Finding Your Best Starting Point 32:35 Researching Individual Differences 35:58 Neurodiversity and Tailoring CMT 36:55 When Compassion Triggers Threat 40:29 Fears Blocks and Physiology 42:04 ADHD Study and Menstrual Cycle 46:49 Assessment Guided Personalisation 52:04 Wearables and Daily Practice Choice 53:28 Context Triggers and Self Wisdom 59:47 What’s Next: Research and Access 01:03:18 Spreading CFT Beyond Therapy 01:04:15 Closing Thanks and Farewell Links: Dr Chris Irons’s website: https://drchrisirons.com/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/mfK3XBCWQWg *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassionfocusedtherapy, selfcriticism, shame, mentalhealth, psychology, selfcompassion
S1 · E131
May 1 · 47 min
How Self-Compassion Can Help After Online Sexual Harm | Eve da Silva
What happens when shame keeps someone silent? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with clinical psychologist Dr Eve da Silva about the often hidden impact of online sexual harm — and how shame, self-criticism, and secrecy can leave young people feeling isolated and unable to seek help. Eve shares how her clinical work in CBT began to uncover a pattern: clients presenting with anxiety or low mood were often carrying unspoken experiences such as non-consensual image sharing or distressing online sexual encounters. These experiences were rarely discussed — not because they weren’t important, but because they felt too shameful to name. Drawing on Compassion Focused Therapy, Eve developed a 14-day online self-compassion programme, designed to gently support people in shifting from self-blame to self-understanding. We explore the practices involved — including soothing rhythm breathing, safe space imagery, compassionate writing, and compassionate self exercises — and why even brief interventions can make a meaningful difference. We also discuss the complexity of navigating digital intimacy, the role of peer and cultural pressures, and how shame activates threat responses that block help-seeking. Eve shares findings from her study, where participants showed reduced self-criticism, lower distress, increased self-reassurance, and more openness to seeking help. This is a thoughtful and important conversation about how compassion can help people begin to relate differently to themselves — especially in moments where they might feel most alone. You can find Eve’s free resources here: https://compassionhelps.com/resources Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and Topic 01:33 Why This Research 06:51 Online Norms and Pressure 12:32 Shame and Silence 16:51 Designing the Program 23:18 Making It Human 26:38 Study Results and Outcomes 35:41 Supporting Youth Compassionately 42:02 Micro Anchors Explained 46:03 What’s Next and Wrap-Up Links: Find Eve da Silva on Instagram: @drevedasilva If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/twLUB3Ma118 *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Video hashtags: compassion focused therapy, self compassion, shame, online harm, mental health, help seeking
S1 · E130
April 24 · 1 hr 1 min
Psychological Flexibility, Self-Criticism & Elite Performance | Toby Jenkins
What really drives elite performance — discipline, self-criticism, or something deeper? In this episode, I explore psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and high performance with Olympian Toby Jenkins. In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Toby Jenkins — Olympian, entrepreneur, speaker, and coach — to explore leadership, high performance, and the inner world that shapes both. Toby is also my cousin, so this was a really special conversation for me. He shares a deeply personal and powerful account of his Olympic journey, describing the yin–yang of high performance — the highs and lows, pride and disappointment, confidence and doubt, and even moments of shame. We talk openly about self-criticism — how it can drive performance, but also how it can become harsh and unhelpful. Toby reflects on the intense pressure of elite sport, and how that inner voice shaped his experience along the way. One of the most powerful moments in the conversation is a story from his early days at the Australian Institute of Sport, where a simple act of kindness — a teammate offering him an old team t-shirt — had a profound and lasting impact. It’s a beautiful example of compassion in action. Toby also shares how discovering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and the science of psychological flexibility transformed his understanding of mindset. Rather than trying to eliminate stress or control emotions, he now focuses on opening up to discomfort, being present, and taking values-based action. In our conversation, we explore: - The double-edged nature of self-criticism in high performance - Why confidence can be unreliable — and competence is built through reps - How athletes and leaders can respond differently to pressure, fear, and doubt - The role of compassion and self-compassion in resilience and growth - How psychological flexibility applies across sport, business, and everyday life This is a really rich, practical, and deeply human conversation about what it means to perform, lead, and live well — even when things are tough. Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome And Guest Intro 01:46 Cousins Reunite On Air 02:39 Olympic Highs And Lows 07:20 AIS Grind And Self Doubt 09:00 Humiliated At Selection Camp 12:25 The T Shirt Kindness Moment 14:55 Pay It Forward Lessons 19:12 Compassion Defined In Practice 21:52 Reframing Coach With Compassion 27:30 Inner Critic And Pain As Fuel 30:02 When Self Criticism Helps Or Hurts 32:12 Constructive vs Shame Critic 33:22 Owning Pressure Out Loud 35:46 Acceptance Price of Entry 37:27 Finding ACT in Crisis 38:49 Work Identity Wake Up 44:23 Mindset Shift in Leaders 47:08 Confidence vs Competence Reps 53:58 Compassion Validation and Choice 59:17 Wholeness Yin Yang Wrap 01:00:36 Closing Thanks and Farewell Links: Toby Jenkin’s website: https://www.tobyajenkins.com/ Toby’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobyjenkins/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/KczGMCNSorQ *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Hashtags: compassion, selfcompassion, psychologicalflexibility, highperformance, leadership, mentalhealth
S1 · E129
April 17 · 50 min
Why We Self-Sabotage (It’s Not What You Think) | Charlie Heriot-Maitland
Why do we self-sabotage, criticise ourselves, or even create chaos in our own lives — sometimes right when things matter most? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland to explore his powerful new book Controlled Explosions in Mental Health. Together, we unpack a surprising and compassionate idea: that many of the things we struggle with — procrastination, self-criticism, pessimism, even self-harm — may actually be our brain’s way of protecting us from something it views as even more painful. Charlie introduces the concept of “controlled explosions” — targeted, self-directed harms designed to prevent bigger feared threats like rejection, failure, humiliation, or retraumatisation. Drawing on evolutionary psychology and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), we explore how understanding these patterns can reduce shame and help us relate to our minds in a more compassionate and effective way. Along the way, Charlie and I reflect on our own experiences of writing and publishing books — and how self-sabotage can show up in surprisingly subtle ways, like procrastinating near the finish line or even holding back from promoting something we care deeply about. These moments bring the theory to life, showing how these “protective” processes can quietly shape our choices, often in ways we don’t immediately recognise. We also dive into the idea of the “bomb squad” — different parts of the mind (like the procrastinator, pessimist, or inner critic) that step in to protect us — and why trying to simply “get rid” of these patterns often leads to more struggle. Instead, Charlie outlines a compassionate approach of noticing, understanding, and helping — turning towards the underlying fears rather than fighting the symptoms. This is a thoughtful and deeply relatable conversation about why our minds work the way they do — and how compassion can help us work with our minds, rather than against them. Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 02:05 New Book Overview 02:46 Controlled Explosions Metaphor 06:46 Eureka Origin Story 08:56 Evolution and Deshaming 11:26 Bomb Squad Characters 13:46 Self Sabotage Unit 22:29 Self Criticism Unit 28:56 Whack a Mole and Root Causes 33:24 Parts Work and Personifying 36:48 Continuum and Common Humanity 41:03 Compassionate Practice Tools 48:16 Therapy Applications and Closing Links: Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland’s website: https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/ Relating to Voices Using CFT (Heriot-Maitland & Longden, 2022) https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/books/relating-to-voices-using-compassion-focused-therapy/ Controlled Explosions in Mental Health (Heriot-Maitland, 2026) https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/books/controlled-explosions-in-mental-health/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: [link] *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Hashtags: compassionfocusedtherapy, selfsabotage, selfcriticism, mentalhealth, psychologypodcast, compassion
S1 · E128
April 10 · 38 min
Discovering Compassion in Therapy | Tiffany Luxford
What is it like to encounter Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) for the very first time — not in a textbook, but in a real clinical service, working with people whose threat systems are truly activated? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Tiffany Luxford, an undergraduate psychology student working at the Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit at the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust. Tiff shares a fresh, thoughtful, and deeply human perspective on what it’s like to step into a compassionate clinical environment — and how that experience begins to shape the kind of clinician she hopes to become. We explore how compassion shows up not just in therapy, but in team culture — creating safeness, reducing burnout, and supporting both staff and clients. Tiff offers insights into how CFT is used alongside CBT for conditions like OCD and body dysmorphic disorder, including working with shame, self-criticism, and fears of self-compassion. What makes this conversation especially powerful is Tiff’s willingness to reflect on her own lived experience of recovery from an eating disorder and OCD — and how compassion might have changed that journey. She also shares reflections from her newly released TEDx talk, where she speaks about uncertainty, recovery, and the courage it takes to move toward change. This is a conversation about beginnings — about learning compassion, living it, and slowly becoming it. Watch Tiff’s TEDx talk: What recovery taught me about fear | Tiffany Luxford | TEDxKingsCollegeLondon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlFHrSPw1kU Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 02:17 First Encounter With CFT 06:18 Team Compassion Culture 10:09 Formulating Anxiety in CFT 12:42 ERP With Self Compassion 16:23 Shame and Self Criticism 19:01 Small Shifts in Recovery 24:22 Lived Experience and Recovery 28:35 TEDx Talk and Uncertainty 32:29 Designing Compassionate Services 34:54 Advice for New Clinicians 37:27 Closing Thanks and Wrap Up Links: Watch Tiff’s TEDx talk: What recovery taught me about fear | Tiffany Luxford | TEDxKingsCollegeLondon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlFHrSPw1kU If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/WIeC6JOdZKU *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Hashtags: compassion focused therapy, self compassion, anxiety treatment, OCD recovery, early career psychologist, mental health education
S1 · E127
April 3 · 1 hr 10 min
How Compassion Really Works (And How to Train It) | Paul Condon
What if compassion isn’t just something we feel—but something we can train? In this conversation, I sit down with social psychologist Associate Professor Paul Condon to explore his new book How Compassion Works (with John Makransky) and their evidence-based approach to Sustainable Compassion Training (SCT). We dive into a powerful idea: that we already have an innate capacity for love, compassion, and wisdom—but life experiences, attachment patterns, and our tendency to get caught in thoughts can pull us away from it. Paul shares a clear, practical framework for reconnecting with that capacity through three key modes of practice: . Receptive mode – learning to take in care and reconnect with a “secure base” . Deepening mode – shifting from reactive thinking to expansive awareness . Inclusive mode – widening compassion beyond our usual limits We also explore how to develop a “holding environment” for difficult emotions, the difference between love and compassion, and how this approach can help prevent burnout, empathic distress, and compassion fatigue. If you’ve ever struggled to stay compassionate without feeling overwhelmed—or wondered how compassion actually develops—this is a deeply insightful and practical conversation. Timestamps 00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 02:31 Innate Compassion Explained 05:59 Why We Lose Touch 13:20 Equanimity and Holding Space 17:56 Love vs Compassion 23:14 Sustainable Compassion Training 28:43 Receptive Mode Field of Care 33:09 When Care Feels Inaccessible 40:28 Deepening Mode Expansive Awareness 49:37 Inclusive Mode Widening the Circle 58:27 Avoiding Burnout and Distress 01:05:21 Motivation and Daily Practice 01:10:48 Closing Thoughts and Thanks Links: Dr Paul Condon’s website: https://paulcondon.org/ How Compassion Works (Makransky & Condon, 2025) https://www.amazon.com.au/How-Compassion-Works-Step-Step/dp/164547173X/ Sustainable Compassion Training: Integrating Meditation Theory With Psychological Science (Condon & Makransky, 2020) Open Access article from Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.02249/full If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/8zBzKtw25ew *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Hashtags: compassion training, mindfulness meditation, compassion fatigue, self compassion, psychology and wellbeing, burnout prevention

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