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ADHD or life? - A couples perspective!

Adam and Donna

🎙️ Welcome to ADHD or Life? – A Couple's Perspective! 
Join Adam and Donna as they dive deep into the realities of living with ADHD in a relationship. Each week, we share honest, no-holds-barred discussions on challenges, symptoms, strategies, and real-life stories. Together, we explore the journey of questioning ADHD and finding solutions. Tune in for authentic conversations that resonate! Each episode we ask - Is it ADHD or just life? 💬✨ #ADHDorLife #CouplesPodcast #realtalk 

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  • 22 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 35 min
  • English

Episodes 22

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  • Friday · 35 min

    The Non-ADHD Partner’s Point of View

    Send us Fan Mail What is it really like being the non-ADHD partner in an ADHD relationship? And what happens when helping your partner starts to feel more like parenting them? This week, Adam hands the questions over to Donna and gives her the space to share the non-ADHD partner’s point of view honestly. Does she ever feel more like Adam’s parent than his wife? When does helping become taking over? Should a non-ADHD partner lower their expectations, or can that create resentment and an unequal relationship? Together, we discuss some of the biggest challenges faced by couples affected by adult ADHD, including: • Forgotten jobs and broken promises • Unequal responsibilities and the mental load • Feeling more like a parent than a partner • The difference between helping and controlling • Cancelled plans and rebuilding trust • Rejection sensitivity and difficult conversations • Feeling as though you are walking on eggshells • Burnout and loneliness for the non-ADHD partner • Asking for space without abandoning your partner Donna explains how learning about ADHD changed the way she viewed Adam’s behaviour, but also meant she had to change some of her own thinking. She shares why communication has helped her stop walking on eggshells, why honesty is sometimes better than trying to protect Adam’s feelings and what an exhausted or overlooked partner can do when they desperately need a moment alone. Before the main conversation, we catch up on our family holiday, including stress inside a caravan, an unexpectedly wholesome afternoon on a rainy beach and one particularly emotional phone call. Then we finish with a Five Minute Moan involving disappearing nail clippers and the absolute devastation Adam leaves behind whenever he cooks. We’d love to hear from both sides: Do you ever feel more like your partner’s parent? If you have ADHD, how does it feel when your partner steps in and takes over? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/TaRxpfWq8yM Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow ADHD or Life on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok for more honest, funny and relatable conversations about ADHD, relationships and everyday life from a couple where one has ADHD and one doesn’t. Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • September 11 · 35 min

    ADHD in an Overstimulated World: Are We Making It Worse?

    Send us Fan Mail Is modern life making ADHD harder? This week we're talking about constant stimulation and what TikTok, food, TV, shopping, doomscrolling, caffeine and endless rabbit holes might actually be doing to us. And just as importantly, what does that constant need for stimulation look like to the person sitting next to you? Before we get into all that, we have a fairly strong reaction to the recent Channel 4 ADHD documentary and the way ADHD, diagnosis and medication were discussed. Then we get into our own relationship with overstimulation. Why does Adam find silence so difficult? Why does one TikTok become an hour? Why can't a rabbit hole ever just be a little rabbit hole? And when Adam thinks he's simply keeping his brain occupied, what does that look like from Donna's side? Donna talks honestly about those moments when Adam's need for stimulation can feel like disengagement, and what it's like sometimes feeling as though she's competing with a phone, a programme or whatever Adam has suddenly decided he needs to know EVERYTHING about. WE ALSO GET INTO: 👉 TikTok, doomscrolling and algorithms 👉 Hyperfocus and research rabbit holes 👉 Binge-watching and background noise 👉 Food and caffeine 👉 Impulsive and emotional spending 👉 Sleep and bedtime avoidance 👉 Why Adam thinks Donna is annoyed when she's actually worried 👉 Whether we're consuming far more than our brains were ever designed to deal with THEN IT'S TIME FOR THE 5 MINUTE MOANS... Donna would like Adam to stop dropping things on the floor and leaving a trail of wrappers behind him. Adam would like Donna to explain why approximately 97% of their fridge is now occupied by tiny snack boxes. This somehow turns into an argument about protein, cheese, fridge temperature and whether we need another freezer. Completely normal married-couple behaviour. THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE FUNNY... We finish with your ADHD stories, including a husband who researches purchases for DAYS before deciding not to buy them... And somebody whose "one TikTok before bed" became two hours watching a man restore a 1970s toaster. So, is ADHD struggling to cope with an overstimulated world? Or are we all just consuming far too much? We'd love to know what you think. 🌐 www.adhdorlife.com 📱 TikTok & Instagram: @ADHDorLifePod 📧 adhdorlife@gmail.com ☕ If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy us a coffee through our website. And Adam has publicly decided we're reaching 1,000 YouTube subscribers by Christmas, so apparently that's a thing now too. You can find us on YouTube @ADHDorLifePod. Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • September 4 · 35 min

    Is it ADHD or is everything a catastrophe?

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re talking about something that can take a tiny problem and turn it into a full-blown disaster in your head in about 0.3 seconds. Episode: Is it ADHD or is everything a catastrophe? Adam starts by defining what catastrophising actually means for him, because Donna’s neurotypical brain doesn’t fully get how it can feel so real, so fast, and so unavoidable. We share how it shows up in everyday life, like being stuck in traffic on the way to work. For Adam, traffic can instantly become a chain reaction of worst-case outcomes. For Donna, it’s more like… “well, we’ll get there when we get there.” Same situation, completely different nervous system response. We talk about how catastrophising can affect: - Family life and the mood in the house - Relationships and the fear that one argument means it’s all over - Work and confidence (including how it’s pushed Adam to quit jobs) - Health anxiety, where minor physical symptoms suddenly feel like something serious - We also share a real example of being late for a theatre show, and how catastrophising can ruin an experience entirely before it’s even started. It’s not just “overthinking” — it’s the body reacting like the worst thing is definitely happening. We explore the big question: is catastrophising ADHD, anxiety, life… or a messy mix of all three? Catastrophising is a common cognitive distortion, and in ADHD it can be linked to fast thinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxiety. We talk about whether Donna gets the same feelings too, and how it shows up differently for her. Donna shares how catastrophising used to make her assume relationships would end after arguments (and how she’s learned not to let her brain run away with that now). Adam explains how his brain constantly imagines worst-case outcomes to feel prepared, while Donna prefers to go with the flow. If you’ve ever gone from “we’re in traffic” to “I’m going to lose my job, everyone hates me, and I’ll never recover” in one breath… you’re not alone. Five Minute Moans this week: A “meow” gesture for money (yes, really) Being shut down in conversations. Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DO0mv6-MaPI Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #adhd #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Catastrophising #Overthinking #Anxiety #ADHDAnxiety #CognitiveDistortions #EmotionalDysregulation #TimeBlindness #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD #HealthAnxiety #RelationshipAnxiety #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDRelationships #ExecutiveDysfunction #MentalLoad #Communication #FiveMinuteMoans #GoodBadFunny Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • August 28 · 32 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | Building Space: The Mission to Support ADHD and Mental Health

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re back with Part 2 of our chat with special guest Caroline Moss, therapist, coach, and founder of Space, Runcorn. In Part 1 we went deep into Caroline’s late diagnosis journey and the realities of getting assessed. In this episode, we carry it on and get into what happens next: medication, focus, hormones, and the messy reality of titration. Caroline shares her personal experience with ADHD medication, how it helps her focus, and the challenges that come with the titration process. We also talk about hormones and how they can throw everything off, which is something so many people are dealing with but not enough people are openly talking about. Then we shift into the story behind Space café, and how Caroline’s need for a single venue for counselling and wellbeing events turned into building an actual community hub. What happens at Space? Caroline explains the variety of events and sessions that run there, including: Sound baths and wellbeing sessions Creative workshops Open mic nights Community events that help people feel safe, seen, and connected We also talk honestly about the reality of running something like this: The biggest challenge: balancing the community feel with financial sustainability The biggest reward: seeing the space thrive and watching people find their people And we finish with a proper Good, Bad, and Funny of ADHD from Caroline: The good: creativity The bad: emotional regulation The funny: spotting ADHD in other people (once you know, you really know) If you’re navigating ADHD medication, titration, emotional regulation, or you’ve ever dreamed of creating a safe space for your community, you’re going to love this one. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/c80jL_B6tbg Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com Find Caroline’s work: Space, Runcorn Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/spaceruncorn Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spaceruncorn/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spaceruncorn ADHMe Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhme_coaching/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhmecoaching #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDMedication #Titration #Hormones #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDTherapy #ADHDCoach #LateDiagnosis #ADHDWomen #ADHDCommunity #Wellbeing #MentalHealth #Runcorn #SpaceRuncorn #SoundBath #CreativeWorkshops #OpenMicNight #CommunitySpace #WorkplaceWellbeing #GoodBadFunny #ADHDRelationships Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • August 21 · 28 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | ADHD Therapy Talk: Grief, Imposter Syndrome & Relationships

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’ve got a brilliant special guest for Part 1: Caroline Moss - therapist, coach, and founder of Space, Runcorn. We take Caroline right back to the start of her ADHD journey. She was diagnosed 18 months ago, and it actually began through her work as a counsellor. We talk a million jobs and degrees, and the kind of ADHD signs that can get louder once you’ve got kids and life gets busier. Caroline shares her next step into working in a school, and one pupil describing ADHD as being like living in a wind tunnel (which is one of the best descriptions we’ve heard). We talk looking back at school days after diagnosis, “typical ADHD signs”, masking, and that feeling of realising you’ve been coping in hard mode for years without knowing why. We also get into the classic ADHD cycle: - Hundreds of business ideas - Struggling to keep friends - Emotional dysregulation and people pleasing - Not knowing where you fit in Adam admits he’s scared of people in authority (same), and we talk about how similar so many ADHD stories are once you start sharing them. Then we talk about the emotional side of diagnosis: - The immediate grief - The relief - And then… cue the imposter syndrome We go into the diagnosis process too: the phone calls, the waiting, the research rabbit holes, Right to Choose, and the GP opinions that can make you want to scream (including the classic “you just need to exercise”). Caroline hatches a plan, Adam’s fear of confrontation makes a comeback, and we talk about why people end up having to fight so hard just to be taken seriously. We also talk about the bigger, heavier stuff — including the high suicide rates in neurodivergent people — and how Caroline now approaches GPs on a mission to help others. We discuss the expense of going private, horror stories, and the power of an army of ADHDers when people actually band together. Then we move into relationships and work: - The impact ADHD can have on relationships and employment - Is self-employment the only way for some people? - Toxic and sometimes abusive relationships - Are ADHDers more tolerant, more accepting, or more likely to stay too long? - Is it RSD, deep empathy, dopamine seeking, or all of the above? - The link between neurodivergence and abusive relationships - Regulating emotions and what partners of ADHDers might not understand We talk about how relationships can change after diagnosis, revisit the WhatsApp dilemma and the made-up stories your partner doesn’t know you’ve created in your head, and the importance of communication (even when it’s hardest to do it in the moment). Caroline gives us some golden nuggets of advice for arguments, Donna drops a truth bomb about a recent argument, and we ask whether we should all be writing messages… but never sending them. We also mention ChatGPT, and Caroline reveals her ChatGPT is basically Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones. To be continued… This week we cover: - Late ADHD diagnosis and recognising signs after having kids - ADHD at school, masking, and looking back with new eyes - Emotional dysregulation, people pleasing, friendships, and identity - Right to Choose, GP barriers, waiting lists, and going private - Mental health and the reality of neurodivergent burnout - ADHD and relationships: communication, conflict, RSD, empathy, and staying too long - Practical advice for arguments and messaging when emotions are high Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/7h_WV6RVy9k Find Caroline’s work: Space, Runcorn Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/spaceruncorn Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spaceruncorn/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spaceruncorn ADHMe Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhme_coaching/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhmecoaching Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #LateDiagnosis #ADHDTherapy #ADHDCoach #RightToChoose #ADHDMasking #PeoplePleasing #EmotionalDysregulation #ImposterSyndrome #ADHDRelationships #RSD #Communication #ToxicRelationships #MentalHealth #SelfEmployment #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDCommunity #Runcorn Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • August 14 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or The Grey Area?

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re doing something a bit different. Sometimes the answer isn’t ADHD or life… it’s both. In this episode we’re not trying to “prove” whether something is ADHD or not. We’re exploring the grey area — because sometimes both partners are right, and the real problem is what happens in the middle. We start with a listener story about planning dates and remembering date nights. Is it executive dysfunction… or have they both stopped making each other a priority? From the ADHD perspective, we talk about how ADHD can affect: Planning and initiation (wanting to plan something and actually starting it are two different things) - Working memory and time blindness - Emotional overwhelm and avoidance - The pressure of “I’ll do it later” turning into “I forgot again” But from the non-ADHD partner’s perspective, we also talk about the emotional reality: - Feeling disappointed even if it wasn’t intentional - Wanting to feel chosen - Feeling like you’re always the one organising - Feeling like the relationship isn’t being prioritised So instead of asking “who is right?” we ask: what if both people are right? We then run through a bunch of real-life scenarios and talk about what the grey area looks like in each one: - Mess and housework - “I’ll do it later” (and why later never comes) - Food and mental load - Ghosting friends and family - Phone addiction and attention in relationships Five minute moans this week: Messy cars (again… because of course) Delayed reactions And we finish with your Good, Bad and Funny — keep them coming. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OHHZvkpNuYE Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #adhd #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ExecutiveDysfunction #WorkingMemory #TimeBlindness #EmotionalOverwhelm #MentalLoad #PhoneAddiction #Procrastination #Communication #CouplesPodcast #RelationshipAdvice #GoodBadFunny #FiveMinuteMoans Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • August 7 · 33 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Agony Aunt Special Part 2.

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re back with Agony Aunt Special – Part 2… and we’re not going to lie, the last two weeks have not been plain sailing. We start with a proper reflection on what’s been going on, the tension, the stress, and yes… we even ask the dramatic question: could divorce be on the cards? (Don’t panic. Probably.) Then we get back into your listener ADHD problems and questions, and we give our honest perspectives on the big theme of this series: is it ADHD… or is it just life? We tackle: Holiday packing and why it turns into chaos every single time The hobby graveyard (how many “phases” is too many?) Selective hearing and the relationship fallout Phone time and the constant battle for attention Deadlines, last-minute panic, and the stress it creates for everyone Constant interrupting and how it feels from both sides Adam also brings back his segment: “What he found on Facebook that means you have ADHD” which is always a mix of painfully accurate and completely unhinged. This week includes: You can’t do tasks unless you’ve got shoes or socks on (admin needs footwear, apparently) Only texting back when you’re in the right physical position (because ADHD apparently has rules) Then we finish with Five Minute Moans: Treating the bedroom fan with respect (it’s been through enough) Donna’s messy car… and whether it’s time to reveal just how messy it really is If you’ve ever argued about packing, hobbies, phones, deadlines, or being interrupted mid-sentence, you’re going to feel very seen in this one. Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #AgonyAunt #RelationshipAdvice #HolidayPacking #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #SelectiveHearing #Interrupting #PhoneAddiction #Deadlines #Hyperfixation #HobbyGraveyard #EmotionalRegulation #ADHDCommunity #FiveMinuteMoans #GoodBadFunny Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • July 31 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Claudia Devonshire | Neurotypical + ADHD Marriage, Parenting & Real Talk

    Send us Fan Mail We end with our Good, Bad and Funny — think exciting times, overthinking, face reading, birthday pressure making a comeback… the dog coming back again… and the classic “cooking a full dinner without turning the oven on” moment. This week we cover: - ADHD and neurotypical relationships (real-life dynamics) - TikTok diagnosis, labels, and people spotting it before you do - Overthinking, face reading, and scenario spirals - Sharing the load, parenting pressure, and emotional intensity at home - Communication, texting, apologies, and the 80/20 rule - Adult-only moments, connection, and keeping the relationship alive - Sex, ADHD, medication, PMDD, and periods - Staying in your lane and focusing on what matters - Good, Bad and Funny: birthdays, pressure, and the oven fail Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/C_qarzKkBuY Find Claudia / At Home with the Devs: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@keepingupwiththedevs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keepingupwiththedevs/ Dev & Co clothing: https://devclothing.co.uk/ Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #CouplesPodcast #Marriage #Neurotypical #Communication #Overthinking #RSD #EmotionalRegulation #FaceReading #Parenting #FamilyLife #PMDD #ADHDMedication #SexAndADHD #RelationshipAdvice #GoodBadFunny #AtHomeWithTheDevs #KeepingUpWithTheDevs Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • July 24 · 36 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? – ADHD Agony Aunt: RSD, Birthdays, Amazon Addiction & Unfinished Projects

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re doing an Agony Aunt special… and honestly, it’s one of those episodes where you might laugh, cringe, and feel personally attacked all in one go. We start with Donna having a new toy (will it get confiscated?) and a catch-up on the chaos of the last couple of weeks. Donna has started and finished her new job, Adam’s been flat out with nursery graduation parties, and we talk about the stress of juggling everything. Adam also has to give Donna some proper credit this week for being the backbone of the family lately (write it down, it happened). Then it’s the big event of the week: Donna’s birthday. Was she spoiled? We talk birthdays and ADHD symptoms in full force: - Face reading and Adam trying to work out if Donna likes her presents - Time blindness and leaving everything to the last minute - The judgement, pressure, and panic Adam puts on himself - RSD and the “is she disappointed?” spiral - The stress of banners, balloons and cake on birthday mornings - Has medication calmed any of it down? Adam nearly breaks into song… until he realises he bought tickets for the wrong singer. Classic. Then we get into the main reason for this episode: an ADHD Agony Aunt special from both perspectives. We go through listener questions and stories and answer honestly from both sides. This could get heated. We cover: - Forgetting wedding anniversaries and important dates (and whether Dear Deirdre was actually an adult agony aunt) - Forgetting dates from both perspectives, and Adam not appreciating Donna’s tone - Calendars, reminders, and why we need to use them properly - Impulsive spending and Amazon orders: when does it become “too much” or an addiction? - Sneaky spending, online baskets, and Monzo accounts (Adam even gives actual advice… but does he follow it?) - Unfinished projects: is it ADHD or just life? Does it lead to guilt spirals? - Gamifying tasks, motivation, and whether life is just too busy - Text messages: is it worse to be left on read or unread? Is it rude not to text back? - Replying immediately vs replying “eventually” (and if you don’t reply within 3 days… is that friendship over?) - Forgetting things on the school run and whether heat makes ADHD worse - Systems you can put in place so you’re not living in constant panic We also talk about why we started this podcast in the first place: not just to help the person with ADHD, but to support the partner too. 5 minute moans this week: - Donna’s involves pass the parcel (it’s a manly one this week) - Adam’s wedding ring pressure: does it have to be on 24/7? Should he just get Donna tattooed on his forehead? Then it’s What Adam’s learned on Facebook this week about ADHD: - Brackets (are you an over-user?) - Favourite self scanners in shops (comment if you’ve got a favourite at your local) We finish with your good, bad and funny listener stories involving presents, birthdays, and forgetting things — keep them coming. This week we cover: - ADHD and birthdays: time blindness, RSD, pressure, and last-minute chaos - Relationship dynamics: face reading, tone, misunderstandings, and stress - ADHD Agony Aunt Q&A: anniversaries, calendars, spending, unfinished projects, texting, school run chaos - Impulsive spending, Amazon orders, Monzo budgeting, and sneaky spending - Executive dysfunction, guilt spirals, and gamifying tasks - Forgetfulness, routines, and systems that actually help - What Adam learned on Facebook: brackets and self scanners Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5r0Bi2YiYwc Monzo referral link: https://join.monzo.com/c/4w6zqv8 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #AgonyAunt #RelationshipAdvice #RSD #RejectionSensitivity #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #ImpulsiveSpending #AmazonAddiction #Budgeting #Monzo #Forgetfulness #SchoolRun #TextingAnxiety #GuiltSpiral #Gamification #ADHDCommunity #CouplesPodcast #GoodBadFunny Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • July 17 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Bossman Special – Producer Andy on ADHD, Relationships & the ADHD Tax

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple's Perspective, we've got a very special episode. Our producer Andy joins us as our official (well, unofficially riddled) guest and referee. Andy sees more of the podcast than we do – he watches it live, edits it, and knows all the behind-the-scenes chaos. So we wanted to pick his brain about what he actually thinks. We dive into the empty ask – asking something knowing the answer will be no. Is it thoughtful or negative? Does it hurt the neurotypical partner? We ask Andy if he thinks we have a chaotic relationship, and whether we should make a special out of what gets cut before we even start recording. Then we get into the real stuff: does Adam forget things regularly? Is Andy forgetful? Is that age or ADHD? We talk family calendars, changing plans, time keeping (Adam nearly double-booked their wedding day with parties), and whether forgetting means you don't care. We're talking marketplace obsessions, Temu, follow through, the differences in our ADHD, Andy's old radio job, Adam's RSD confession, blackouts during recording, pretending to listen, and whether we should change our living arrangements. Does Andy read faces? Does age affect ADHD or just give you more experience? We talk about remembering things you messed up years ago and how that affects relationships. Messages, misunderstandings, ideas at 3am, waking each other up, working better at night, and what you need to fall asleep to. Then there's the ADHD tax – new toys, recording equipment, business expenses, urinals and she-wees. Impulsive spending, whether the business justifies it, how heat affects ADHD, and a 5-minute moan from Andy that left Adam in a cold sweat (spoiler: it was actually Donna). No filter, just three people talking about ADHD, relationships, and life. Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/kH4sgxsVbAU #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodiversity #CouplesPodcast #RealTalk #Producer #BehindTheScenes Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • July 10 · 35 min

    Is it ADHD or Are We Financially Incompatible?

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re getting properly real about money, impulsivity, and what it’s like when two people are trying to build a life together… but their brains (and spending habits) are on completely different settings. Episode title says it all: Is it ADHD or are we financially incompatible? This is one of our rawest chats yet. No fluff, no pretending, just truthful relationship talk about ADHD and money — and how it affects the partner who’s trying to keep things steady. We start by settling last week’s debate (is it mowing the lawn or cutting the grass?) and then Adam shares his recent embarrassing padel situation. Then Adam realises what today’s episode is about… and you can literally hear the panic. This week we look at money from Donna’s perspective: what it’s like living with someone with ADHD who struggles with spending, impulse decisions, and the stress that comes after the dopamine wears off. Adam finally gives Donna access to the business account (no more sneaky spending), and we talk about joint accounts and transparency — including how it feels when you can both see exactly what the other is spending. It can be helpful… but it can also add pressure, guilt, and “I’m being watched” energy. The profits have definitely gone up since Donna can see what’s happening… funny that. We also talk about how ADHD can create a Jekyll and Hyde cycle with money: impulsive decisions in the moment, then panic, stress, regret, and low mood afterwards — and how that emotional crash affects the relationship. And yes… we talk about the most ADHD holiday decision ever: Adam deciding on Thursday night that we’re going on holiday Friday morning for the weekend. The thought process, the chaos, Donna being left packing and sorting everything while starting a new job, and the final cost (spoiler: it was a lot more expensive than expected). Then we get into the pattern properly: Impulsive hobbies costing money (Donna asked the darts shop if they take Klarna) How long the padel craze will last Impulsive car buys (and why Donna insists on bringing up the past) Adam’s obsession with Facebook Marketplace (are we becoming a crew van family?) Adam’s embarrassing confession that comes out of that obsession… and whether Donna finds it cute We talk about the “shiny things” problem, the “no pockets in a shroud” mindset, and the downside people don’t talk about enough: the low mood after spending, the consequences, and the relationship tension that follows. We also ask the big question: has it got better since medication started? We talk financial planning, knowing what’s happening, and how much difference it makes when you’re not guessing. Then we get to the bottom of what really happened in a conversation about money yesterday: Who is right? Should Donna buy new pants? Are we both all-or-nothing? Why do we spend money on experiences but hate spending on necessities? Is that ADHD, or just modern life? Do all the little expenses build up until you feel like you’re drowning? We talk recent impulsive spends (anyone want to buy lapel mics?), Donna’s possible Amazon parcel problem, and the dopamine hunting that sits underneath so much of it. Good, Bad & Ugly this week includes: Communication and money in relationships Earning differences and how that changes the dynamic Candy Crush coins (yes, really) Monzo joint account link (yes this is real): https://join.monzo.com/c/4w6zqv8 Watch this episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/RYZqL4avGmE Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your Good, Bad & Ugly stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDAndMoney #ImpulsiveSpending #DopamineSpending #MoneyInRelationships #FinancialStress #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDRelationships #CouplesPodcast #Communication #Transparency #JointAccount #Monzo #ExecutiveDysfunction #Impulsivity #Hyperfixation #RealTalk Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • July 3 · 36 min

    Is it ADHD or a heatwave? Sleep, Sensory Overload, Irritability & ADHD Meds in Hot Weather

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re asking the question everyone’s been thinking lately… is it ADHD, or is it just a heatwave? We start off with our new setup, fancy coffee and new mugs, and Donna insisting on a cringey little cheers (sorry in advance). Then we get straight into the heat — we actually missed a week’s recording because it was so warm, and it’s properly messed with everything. We talk sleep (or lack of it), and how heat can hit ADHDers differently. Adam’s bought air con for his ancient van, which has obviously led to him wanting to become a TikTok seller (links incoming if he can ever film the perfect video without spiralling). We also chat about recent market trips, then Donna takes over and we get into the real impact of heat on ADHD. We talk sweat issues, and Adam admitting he always just assumed he was “fat and ginger” rather than sensory overloaded. We get into how heat can make ADHD feel louder — more irritability, snappiness, impulsiveness — and how the sun makes you want to do fun things even when your executive function is on the floor. We cover executive dysfunction ramping up, whether Donna basically feeds Adam, and how appetite disappears… unless it’s ice cream. We also learn how Adam feels about nipples (yes, really). Then we get into something that’s been a big one lately: transitions. Adam’s struggling to move from one thing to another and has started spending loads of time sitting in the car in-between tasks. Is that the heat, the medication, or just life? If you struggle with this too, comment and tell us you’re not alone. We talk sensory overload: sweat, sticky clothes, suncream, and mainly Adam’s very embarrassing sweat situation (but to be fair… he’s not smelly). We chat hydration (seriously important), clothes, and Adam’s topless confessions. We also cover Adam’s terrible choice to mow the lawn in the heat, and then Donna shares a very embarrassing heat-related problem… even Adam is shook. Sleep comes back round (because it always does). Heat has made it worse, crazy eating is back, naps are back, and it’s created a never-ending circle. We talk ADHD meds and heat too, and yes… cue the giggles when Donna mentions how meds can make sensations feel bigger. We look at Donna’s side of it as well. Does heat affect neuro-normals as badly? And the social side of summer — Adam’s avoided it, and Donna’s got thoughts. We also ask the important question: does Adam moan too much? We finish with your Good, Bad and Ugly listener stories (keep sending them to adhdorlife@gmail.com), which lead to another admission from Adam. We also ask whether we should walk more. And then it’s 5 minute moans: Donna is still not impressed with Adam leaving things around (cue recycling confessions) Adam wants your answer: is it mowing the lawn or cutting the grass? Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/js7E7DSgnq8 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your Good, Bad & Ugly stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #Heatwave #HotWeather #ADHDAndHeat #SensoryOverload #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDMedication #Titration #SleepProblems #Insomnia #EmotionalRegulation #Irritability #Impulsivity #ADHDRelationships #CouplesPodcast #FamilyLife #GoodBadUgly #FiveMinuteMoans #Hydration #SummerStruggles Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • June 19 · 49 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Claudia Devonshire | Late Diagnosis, Parenting, Meds & Farm Chaos

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’ve got a proper special guest episode with Claudia Devonshire from Keeping up with the Devs (and yes… it’s as chaotic and funny as you’re hoping). We get straight into it with Donna’s podcast voice, and then Claudia’s TikTok journey — how she started documenting real life chaos (including the iconic moment of Claudia dancing with her duck) and the shock of actual real-life school runs. Then we go straight into ADHD and Claudia’s late diagnosis… which happened accidentally because of her son. We talk about how ADHD can really shine in parenthood, but also how brutal early parenthood can be, especially when sleep disappears. We cover the terrible twos (is it even real?), turning your back for one second and the baby’s eaten 8 bananas, “special hot chocolate”, and kids swearing (it is funny isn't it?) We also have one of the most unhinged conversations we’ve ever had about “mating season” and the question every parent dreads: Do gran and grandad mate? What age do you even have that conversation with kids? We talk about Claudia when she was younger (self-confessed “bitch”), the recent magpie video, and then get into the diagnosis properly: - How did it feel? - What did it change? - Did it bring out the real Claudia? - Does diagnosis make you feel like you’re “too much”? We chat about the assessment process, the whole “TikTok diagnosed” debate, and whether you’ve got ADHD if you accidentally buy a plant. We talk down days, exhaustion, and that classic situation where you get diagnosed with depression… when it’s actually ADHD. Cue breakdowns, CBT stories, and intrusive thoughts. We talk Claudia’s husband Dan and how he copes with Claudia’s ADHD. Communication is everything, and we get into mood mirroring, reading people’s faces, family life pressure, and that ADHD instinct where you can basically smell a rat. We talk over-analysing, acting differently with different people, and why ADHD people together is both comforting and dangerous. And then we realise both Adam and Claudia have started medication… so obviously we get right into that: - How fast it starts - Placebo vs real effects - That first-day feeling - Does medication bring music back into your life? - Titration, time scales, routines, and the ups and downs Then we go full farm chaos. Claudia’s animals are a whole storyline: - Chicken lady era - Ducks - Bridgerton in the garden - Quails (Adam doesn’t know what a quail is) - Should Claudia get a turkey? - The goat situation (you do not want to miss this story) - Is Dan an enabler? - How do you get rid of goats named after grandparents? - Should Adam get chickens? We also talk Claudia’s new clothing brand Dev & Co (comfy stuff, genuinely lovely), and we finish with Claudia’s Good, Bad & Ugly of ADHD — working well under pressure, rejection sensitivity, overthinking, and caring way too much what people think. We talk family, Claudia’s mum thinking she’s turned into a Hullite, and her private school roots… and then Donna makes a special request for Claudia to do the Bridgerton voice to finish us off. This week we cover: - Late ADHD diagnosis (and how it can happen through your kids) - Parenting with ADHD, sleep deprivation, and chaos routines - ADHD vs depression misdiagnosis, burnout, CBT and intrusive thoughts - Relationships, communication, mood mirroring, RSD and overthinking - ADHD medication: first-day feelings, titration, routines and side effects - Social media pressure, people pleasing, and work becoming addictive - Farm life and the animal chaos (including the goat story) - Dev & Co clothing brand and Claudia’s Good, Bad & Ugly of ADHD Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Gq5VQLz3PgA Find Claudia / At Home with the Devs: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@keepingupwiththedevs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keepingupwiththedevs/ Dev & Co clothing: https://devclothing.co.uk/ Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #LateDiagnosis #ADHDWomen #ADHDParenting #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDPodcast #ADHDMedication #Titration #RSD #RejectionSensitivity #Overthinking #EmotionalRegulation #ADHDRelationships #Marriage #FamilyLife #ParentingHumour #IntrusiveThoughts #CBT #Burnout #ADHDCommunity #TikTokCreator #AtHomeWithTheDevs #DevAndCo #KeepingUpWithTheDevs Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • June 12 · 35 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? Maddy Alexander-Grout – ADHD Visibility, Debt, Masking, Trolls & Finding Your Voice

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re joined by special guest Maddy Alexander-Grout — ADHD visibility coach, best-selling author, and creator of the Maddyverse. We get straight into Maddy’s ADHD journey, because for years she genuinely thought she was broken. We talk the stuff people don’t always say out loud: struggling through life, spending addiction, debt, and the shame spiral that can come with it. We get into ADHD and money, how quickly things can snowball, and the weird (but effective) ways you end up coping — including gamifying debt, tinned tomato on toast, and sneaking drinks into pubs. Trigger warning: we also talk about post-partum psychosis. Maddy shares how horrendous it was, and we discuss how it can be more common for ADHDers, plus spiralling, PMDD, and the pressure-cooker of new babies and no support. We chat impulsive business decisions and trying to save money. Then we get into the bigger picture: ADHD being seen as a “naughty little boys” condition, and what it’s like learning about adult ADHD and suddenly having that “oh… that’s me” moment. We talk imposter syndrome, internalised ableism, Right to Choose, and realising autism might be part of the picture too. Maddy’s book is a big part of this episode (because it’s genuinely helpful and written for real humans): 📚 Mad About Money: Managing Finances (and Life) with ADHD https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1394299729/ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_cp_apin_dp_BXVWCNXTXWDR91N88CZ4 We also talk about Maddy becoming a visibility coach and what that actually means — helping people show up, live according to their values, and stop hiding their “hidden disabilities” like they’re something to be ashamed of. We get into the Maddyverse too — a free safe place for people to talk about hidden disabilities and feel less alone: https://maddyverse.co.uk/ There’s loads in this one about the ADHD stuff that gets overlooked, misconceptions, and the fight to raise awareness. Maddy’s been on the BBC arguing with doctors, and we talk about the negativity in the press and public: - Does everyone with ADHD have blue hair? (apparently yes, according to the internet) - Are ADHDers “benefit scroungers”? - Can good girls at school have ADHD? - Masking, overcompensating, and becoming a “naughty adult” Then we meet Maddy the troll slayer 🗡️ because she’s had years of learning to deal with trolls head-on — from being branded a “sickfluencer” to handling constant nasty comments. Adam, naturally, chooses to hide behind the couch. We also talk blue badges, relationships and ADHD (past relationships, limerence, communication, people pleasing, and finding your person), plus the serious stuff like domestic abuse and why open conversations matter. We chat neurodivergent kids too — how smart they are, how often they’re dismissed, and different ways of learning (including audiobooks — and yes, Maddy’s book is coming to audiobook soon 🎧). We finish with Maddy’s Good, Bad & Ugly — hyperfocus, showing up, communication, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-D4Xt5Ol_KY Find Maddy online: www.maddyalexandergrout.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maddytalksmoney/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@madaboutmoneyofficial Maddy’s book (again, because yes we mentioned it and yes it’s worth it): 📚 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1394299729/ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_cp_apin_dp_BXVWCNXTXWDR91N88CZ4 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDPodcast #ADHDWomen #LateDiagnosis #ADHDAndAutism #AuDHD #RightToChoose #ADHDAwareness #ADHDVisibility #Masking #ImposterSyndrome #InternalisedAbleism #RSD #RejectionSensitivityDysphoria #ADHDRelationships #Limerence #PeoplePleasing #HiddenDisability #BlueBadge #ADHDAndMoney #Debt #SpendingAddiction #FinancialWellbeing #PMDD #PostpartumPsychosis #MentalHealth Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • May 29 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? – ADHD Medication Update: Titration, Mood Swings, Sleep Issues & What’s Changed

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, it’s another Medication Special… and we start with Donna’s big news: she’s left her job. Adam’s main takeaway? The chocolate she got. So yes, we do ask the important question… is it all about Adam? We’ve had a proper rollercoaster couple of weeks, and Adam’s also decided he’s now a gardener — which obviously means he’s starting a business. Also… is Donna just very easily impressed? We discuss. Then we get into medication, with a big warning up front: this episode is based on our personal experience only, and we are not medically trained. We talk about how Adam completely ruined Eurovision with a bad mood (turns out he forgot his medication). Was old Adam back? We get into mood swings, outbursts, and what it’s like when the meds aren’t doing what you expect — or when you’re not taking them at all. We answer listener questions and talk titration: what’s changed, what hasn’t, and what the last few weeks have really been like now the initial buzz has worn off. We talk about novelty, timing, and why chasing a “buzz” isn’t the goal. We cover surprises from taking medication, whether things feel less overwhelming, and how stress and single-mindedness show up now. We also talk people pleasing, relationship changes, and whether Donna’s noticed things Adam hasn’t. We get honest about arguments, conflict, moods, and the balance between relying on medication versus taking a more holistic approach. Sleep comes up (again), because sleep affects everything — including how medication feels. We talk about what’s become harder since starting meds, whether burnout is looming, and the titration process so far… including the bit we’re not looking forward to: getting it moved over to the GP. We also share what ADHD traits are still very much present, what medication has genuinely helped with, and the difference it’s making in family life. There’s a sense of pressure lifting, and things not needing to be perfect all the time. And because it wouldn’t be us… Adam has a new mission in life and it involves karaoke. 5 minute moans this week: Should Donna stop eating cheese in Adam’s van? Is his life stinking? Adam is still leaving rubbish everywhere We end a bit differently this week with Donna’s Good, Bad & Ugly about medication — expectations, being more present, and feeling like she’s got more of Adam back. Should the next episode be Ask Donna Anything? Send your questions to ADHDorlife@gmail.com. This week we cover: Medication update and titration questions from listeners What’s changed vs what hasn’t (now the initial buzz has worn off) Mood swings, outbursts, and what happens when you forget meds Relationship changes, people pleasing, and conflict Sleep issues and how sleep impacts medication Holistic approach vs over-depending on medication Burnout worries and what’s become harder Family life, pressure lifting, and letting go of perfection Donna’s Good, Bad & Ugly on medication expectations Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KsNIUMrEpow Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDMedication #Titration #Elvanse #Amfexa #RightToChoose #NHS #Neurodiversity #Neurodivergent #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveDysfunction #SleepAndADHD #ADHDFamilyLife #ADHDCommunity #GoodBadUgly #FiveMinuteMoans Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • May 22 · 35 min

    Is it ADHD or are we passing ships? - Relationship special!

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, it’s a full Relationship Special… and it’s an Adam takeover. Is he prepared? Absolutely not. Is he confident? Of course he is. We’re talking about relationships when it feels like you’re living in two separate timelines - like you’re just passing ships. And before anyone panics: we are absolutely fine. The schedule is the villain. Donna’s got a new job, our routines are shifting again, and it’s got us thinking about how different “normal jobs” and shift patterns are compared to our slightly chaotic self-employed/podcast life. Our only day off together is a Monday… so naturally we started a podcast. We talk about the last time Donna went back to work and Adam had a full breakdown, and how hard that period was on the relationship. We ask the scary question: are we becoming a handover couple? The kind where you only talk routines, chores, and who’s doing what next. We get into the everyday stuff that quietly chips away: - Do adults actually need adult time? - Does Adam unload too much in the 10 minutes they get together at night? - Are we scared of only becoming a “handover” relationship? Then Donna does her quick-fire 5 questions and puts herself on the spot: - What’s going to be difficult? - Does Donna get moany too? - How important is sleep? - What are the early warning signs? - How would Donna like it to be different? We talk about scheduling 10 minutes together (maybe with lists??), then we go deep (leave it). What does Donna actually need from Adam? Has he stopped trying? Adam makes a confession. We talk independence, what needs protecting in the relationship, and how days off can either save you… or turn into admin days with a side of resentment. And then we bring it back to ADHD: - Time blindness and task switching (Work Adam to Family Adam) - Is Donna the sounding board for everything? - Working memory and emotional load - Is self-employment lonely? - RSD with quietness, emotional regulation, and tiredness We also talk strategies Donna loves (Adam… not so much): - A weekly meeting - Micro connection rule (sick) - Parallel play - Is scrolling actually ok? We end by saying we’ve got a great relationship, but it can still be hard - and then Donna makes Adam a little bit sick (you’ll see). Then it’s time for the catchy segment: What Adam’s learned this week about ADHD on Facebook. We recap last week’s lessons, Adam decides he “doesn’t have it” (is he bi-ADHD?), and this week we learn about: - Toothbrushing habits - Sleeping with your feet out 5 minute moans this week: - Adam’s wedding ring (does he need a new one?) - Why Donna doesn’t support Adam when he has business ideas at 2am We finish with your good, bad and uglies and listener feedback — keep them coming. This one’s all about relationships, routines, and trying to stay connected when life is doing the most. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-gn3HbwYUro Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #CouplesPodcast #Marriage #RelationshipAdvice #TimeBlindness #TaskSwitching #RSD #EmotionalRegulation #WorkingMemory #MentalLoad #ShiftWork #SelfEmployedLife #Connection #ParallelPlay #MicroConnections #Communication #GoodBadUgly #FiveMinuteMoans Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • May 15 · 37 min

    Is it ADHD… or do I just find it hard to relax? - A couple's perspective!

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re asking a big one: Is it ADHD… or do I just find it hard to relax? We do a quick catch-up on the last couple of weeks: medication updates, impulse buys, business decisions, and the ongoing question of whether Adam’s office is actually ready. Donna’s also got a new job… and we have to ask the obvious: is Adam jealous? Then we get into the main topic: relaxing (or the complete inability to do it). We talk about how neurodivergent people can feel restless, guilty, mentally noisy, and unable to switch off, while the neurotypical partner can end up feeling disconnected, rejected, and like calm is basically impossible in the relationship. Is Adam dopamine hunting? Is Donna an enabler? What does relaxing even look like for Adam? What’s the difference between relaxing and escaping? We get into: - TV time at night: rest or just collapse? - Scrolling: relaxing or escaping? - Sitting down but still feeling internally stressed - Turning hobbies into productivity (because of course) - Is darts relaxing? - Is everyone’s idea of relaxing totally different? - Guilt spirals and whether there’s such a thing as a real day off - Holidays: relaxing or just stressful in a different location? - Can you relax as a business owner, or does it feel like you’re letting people down? - Is it ADHD, anxiety, modern life… or all three? We also talk technology, the constant running mind, awkward silences. Can you sleep in silence? Can you sit in silence as a couple without it feeling weird? Then we hit a hilarious (and genuinely embarrassing) discovery: Adam’s new habit. Has he been doing it all along? Cue blushing and stimming chat. We also talk replaying conversations (like, primary school level replays), including Adam replaying things from Donna’s past that he wasn’t even there for. Donna shares her side too: emotional disconnection, feeling cut off, getting dragged into chaos cycles, never having a truly relaxing weekend, constant phone use, and the dreaded “are you bored with me?” moment. Adam feels sorry for Donna… and honestly, fair. We finish with some strategies: planned downtime, working on guilt, accepting that scrolling can genuinely be relaxing, whether walks will help, and whether Adam needs a fidget toy. 5 minute moans this week: - Adam’s phone etiquette (who even uses the phone for actual calls?) - Adam turns it around on Donna (as always) And we end with your good, bad and uglies — listener stories about relaxing (or absolutely failing to). Keep them coming. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DFt0QswDXjE Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #NeurodiverseCouples #Anxiety #Rest #Relaxing #Burnout #Masking #Overthinking #RacingThoughts #Dopamine #ExecutiveDysfunction #EmotionalRegulation #TimeOff #SelfEmployedLife #BusinessOwner #GuiltSpiral #PhoneAddiction #Scrolling #Stimming #ADHDCommunity #GoodBadUgly #FiveMinuteMoans Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • May 8 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? - Medication Titration Part 2 (4 weeks of ADHD meds)

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re back with Medication Titration Part 2 — four weeks into ADHD meds, and it’s safe to say it’s been… a lot. Big note (and we mean it): this episode is based on personal experience only, with no medical knowledge whatsoever. Adam takes over this week (because apparently he’s a natural) and we catch up on what the last couple of weeks have actually been like on medication — not just for him, but for Donna and the whole family. We get into the titration process through NHS Right to Choose, the waiting, the limbo, the lack of contact, and that moment you realise you’re going to have to chase it yourself. Adam talks through what 50mg of Elvanse felt like, what happened when tablets ran low, and how differently we both experienced the same situation. We talk crashing, mood swings, irritability, and what Adam’s learned so far. We also chat about family life changes, being more present, and whether Adam’s lost that sense of urgency. Donna drops a truthbomb and Donna admits she prefers “new Adam” - but we’re also making plans so the same mess doesn’t happen again. Then we get onto the brand new “something something”: a top-up of 5mg Amfexa. The changes were great… but sleep took an absolute battering. Donna answers 5 quick-fire questions, we get into emotions, whether she hated old Adam (which definitely leads to in-car arguments), and Adam’s latest hyperfocus: David Ramsay, plus fully fan-boying Darren Connell. We also introduce a new segment with the very catchy title: “what Adam has learned this week about ADHD on Facebook”. Expect showers, handwriting, and the important question of the week: What way do you face in the shower? Let us know in the comments. This week we cover: NHS Right to Choose: delays, limbo, and chasing your own care Elvanse at 50mg: effects, distractions, and the crash Running low on meds and how that impacts mood and family life Mood swings, irritability, and being more present at home Amfexa 5mg top-up: benefits vs sleep chaos Donna’s quick-fire Qs (and the relationship truth bombs) Hyperfocus obsessions, Facebook ADHD advice, and shower debates A surprise Good, Bad & Ugly from Adam (on the spot and real) Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oHzNI9yl9nU Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Twitter/X: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDMedication #Titration #Elvanse #Amfexa #RightToChoose #NHS #Neurodiversity #Neurodivergent #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDFamilyLife #ADHDCommunity #GoodBadUgly #FiveMinuteMoans Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • May 1 · 37 min

    Is it ADHD or Life? – Special Guest Paul Nightingale | All Things AuDHD (ADHD + Autism), Masking, Burnout & Diagnosis

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re joined by special guest Paul Nightingale — an AuDHD content creator and events host who (in his own words) is completely “riddled”. Expect a funny, honest, and properly relatable chat about ADHD, autism, and real neurodivergent life. If you’ve ever felt like you’re smashing it on the outside but burnt out on the inside, this one’s for you. In this episode, we talk about: Paul’s life before diagnosis: comedy, events, being “on”, and the hidden burnout Depression vs ADHD (and how hard it can be to separate the two) “ADHD wasn’t a thing back then” and what we used to think ADHD actually was Why diagnosis can make your whole life suddenly make sense Being hyperactive in your brain even when you look calm on the outside Does ADHD get worse with age, or do you just have more to juggle? Family, childhood symptoms, and getting into trouble for asking “why?” The contradictions of ADHD and autism traits (and why it can feel confusing) Taking what you’ve learned into the workplace Masking, feeling like you’re “crazy”, and the emotional impact of not knowing Diagnosis feelings: relief, sadness, grief, anger, guilt, and imposter syndrome Relationships, emotions, learning curves, patience, and changing the narrative Mental health medication, OCD, psychology, and breaking stereotypes (no, not everyone likes trains) Online pressure to be “officially diagnosed” and why it matters to people Right to Choose, aftercare, lack of support, and broken systems Shared care agreements and supporting injustice (Paul’s sense of justice is next level) At one point Adam and Paul both get distracted at the same time, and Donna has to keep the whole thing on track like a neurotypical air traffic controller. We finish with Paul’s Good, Bad & Ugly — and it’s a belter. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KvzSy3oPBDc Find Paul online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paulhosts/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@paulnightingadhd Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Twitter/X: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod #ADHD #AuDHD #Autism #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #LateDiagnosis #ADHDPodcast #NeurodivergentPodcast #ADHDAndAutism #Masking #Burnout #ImposterSyndrome #Depression #MentalHealth #RightToChoose #DiagnosisJourney #PostDiagnosis #ADHDRelationships #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDCommunity #AutisticAdults #AudhdLife #CouplesPodcast #FunnyAndHonest #GoodBadUgly Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

  • April 24 · 34 min

    Is it ADHD or Do I just need a deadline? - ADHD or Life? A couple`s perspective.

    Send us Fan Mail Is it ADHD or Do I just need a deadline? New episode out now on ADHD or Life – A Couple’s Perspective 🎙️ and this week we’re getting straight into it… deadlines. The kind that magically turn you into a productive genius at the very last second, but also shave years off your life. Is it procrastination, poor planning, laziness… or the ADHD brain doing what it does best? This week Adam shares his personal deadline chaos from the last two weeks (including learning magic tricks in the van and learning new balloon models in a toilet, which feels like the most ADHD sentence ever). We talk about why this happens, the adrenaline/dopamine connection, and whether you always “get away with it”… or whether it just looks like you do from the outside. We get into ADHD motivators, importance vs stimulation, and whether challenge is genuinely motivating or just the only thing that makes your brain switch on. Because it’s not like you’re ignoring the problem… you’re thinking about it constantly. Donna also rage baits the ADHD community (you’re welcome), and we talk pressure, finances, and the chaos of being a poor financial planner. We also look at Donna’s “neuro-normal” brain leaving things till the last minute too — is that laziness, or has she caught ADHD? We talk different levels, Adam being a hypocrite, and whether this argument could lead to divorce (joking… kind of). We need your help settling an argument in this episode, so please comment what you think. Is communication key? Is it just the rush? And what does it do to relationships, the whole family, and even the podcast when planning only happens when the clock is screaming? We talk guilt spirals, irresponsibility vs paralysis, when it’s most likely ADHD, and we share some strategies including made-up deadlines, accountability, body doubling (including an embarrassing body doubling story), and yes… gamification (ick). We also cover Adam’s deadline that nearly ended in a house fire, getting lucky with deadlines, and what happens when deadlines go properly wrong. Five minute moans: - Adam leaving stuff about - Donna opening letters We finish with your good, bad and ugly stories (email more to adhdorlife@gmail.com) and we talk about the serious side of living life permanently one deadline away from disaster. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/NxmaWdr3D4o Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS More on our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdrelationshipsunfiltered Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Twitter/X: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod ADHD #Deadlines #Procrastination #ADHDProcrastination #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Neurodiversity #Neurodivergent #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDMotivation #Dopamine #Adrenaline #TaskInitiation #TimeBlindness #ADHDAndAnxiety #GuiltSpiral #Paralysis #BodyDoubling #Accountability #Gamification #ADHDRelationships #NeurodiverseCouples #CouplesPodcast #RealLifeADHD #MentalLoad #FamilyLife #ADHDCopingStrategies #ADHDCommunity Tune in every week for more conversations and revelations! Send your good, bad and funny stories to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Like and Subscribe to see our faces here: http://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Follow us on Tik Tok for extra snippits and more: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhdorlifepod Follow us on Instagram for up to date info: https://www.instagram.com/adhdorlifepod/

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