Health & FitnessSexualityMental HealthExplicit

Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Dr. Marie Murphy

Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective. She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life, and interviews professionals with complementary expertise, such as family law attorneys, mediators, non-violent communication specialists, and more. In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective on our taken-for-granted assumptions about how relationships are supposed to be. To learn more, visit mariemurphyphd.com.

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Thursday · 28 min
244: The C-Word
What is the C-word? In my work, there's one C-word that carries a lot of weight: closure. In this episode, I talk about what closure actually means, why we can end up making our sense of peace dependent on things we cannot control, and how our own thinking shapes whether or not we experience a sense of resolution. I also talk about the possibility that sometimes the best thing you can do is learn how to live without the answers you want. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/244 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
September 24 · 22 min
243: Stop Texting Your Affair Partner so Much
If you're spending hours texting your affair partner every day, but you know it's making your life harder, why are you still doing it? It's completely reasonable to enjoy texting with your affair partner. It can be exciting, entertaining, and a reliable source of pleasure. But if texting is taking over your time, interfering with your sleep or productivity, creating endless drama, or becoming the primary way you experience your relationship, it may be time to put some limits on it. In this episode, I talk about why setting limits on texting with your affair partner can make your life better and potentially improve your relationship with your affair partner. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/243 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
September 10 · 23 min
242: Fun Quiz with Fun Prizes
What if the people in your life are a lot more interesting than you've been giving them credit for? I'm doing something a little different this week: I'm giving you a quiz about me, with some very fun prizes for the people who get the answers right. But this isn't just an excuse to test your knowledge of my favorite things. In this episode, I talk about why I created the quiz, and how curiosity can change the way we experience the people we love. Tune in to play along with the quiz, learn how to enter for a chance to win some fun prizes, and consider how cultivating your curiosity might make your relationships more interesting, engaging, and satisfying. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/242 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
August 27 · 30 min
241: The Holidays are Swiftly Approaching
If you don't want to experience another holiday season the way you experienced the last one, what are you actually going to do differently? The holidays can be a particularly stark reminder of what we do and don't like about our infidelity situations, especially when we've spent multiple years hoping that something will change. In this episode, I want you to stop asking what you hope will be different this year and start asking what you have the power to make different. I talk about how to get specific about what you want from the upcoming holiday season, distinguish between changing your situation and changing how you relate to your situation, and recognize when your hopes depend on another person doing something you cannot control. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/241 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
August 13 · 54 min
240: One of the Many Ways to Resolve an Infidelity Situation: Jane's Story
What if an infidelity situation didn't have to mean the end of your life as you know it? In this episode, I'm talking with Jane, a woman in her late 60s who found herself having an affair after more than 40 years of marriage. She never imagined herself as someone who would have an affair, and yet reconnecting with someone from her past brought excitement, intimacy, and a sense of being fully seen that she had been missing. Jane shares what happened when she decided she could no longer continue living in her marriage, how she navigated the decision to separate, and what happened to her relationship with her husband afterward. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/240 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
July 30 · 1 hr 1 min
239: After the Affair: When Infidelity Becomes the Beginning of a New Life
So many stories about infidelity focus on the devastation, the shame, and the belief that an affair means your life is ruined forever. But that is not the whole story. In this episode, I'm sharing another conversation with a podcast listener who has made it through the challenges of her infidelity situation and is thriving on the other side of it. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/239 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
July 16 · 48 min
238: After the Affair: What Happens When You Finally Choose Yourself
Most stories about infidelity end with heartbreak, regret, or destruction. But what if that isn't the whole story? In this episode, I'm joined by Scarlett, a longtime listener who generously shares the story of her affair, the end of her marriage, the painful aftermath of losing her affair partner, and the unexpected life she built on the other side of it all. Join us as we discuss clarity, courage, boundaries, closure, new love, and why even deeply difficult experiences can become catalysts for creating a life that feels more authentic than the one you left behind. If you've ever wondered whether life after an affair can be not just okay but genuinely fulfilling, this conversation offers a perspective you may not hear anywhere else. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/238 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
July 2 · 39 min
237: Change Can Be (EXTREMELY) Strange
Have you ever made a change you knew was right for you, only to wonder why it felt so unsettling? If you've found yourself grieving a life you chose to leave, questioning your identity after making a major decision, or feeling strangely untethered even though you're confident in your choice, this episode is for you. In this episode, I explore why change can feel so profoundly strange, even when it leads us exactly where we want or need to go. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/237 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
June 18 · 33 min
236: Taking the Agony Out of Major Life Decisions
What if making major life decisions didn't have to be so agonizing? Many people assume that the bigger the decision, the more time, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil it should involve. But what if you could make major life decisions thoughtfully without turning them into an exhausting, never-ending mental ordeal? In this episode, I share the story of leaving Costa Rica and deciding where to move next, and I use that experience to illustrate a different approach to making major life decisions. Along the way, I explore why we often create unnecessary suffering around major life decisions and how we can avoid making difficult feelings into bigger problems than they need to be. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/236 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
June 4 · 35 min
235: Emotional Affairs
What exactly is an emotional affair, and how do you know if you're having one? Despite how often the term gets used, there is surprisingly little agreement about what an emotional affair actually is. Many people find themselves wondering whether a close connection with someone else crosses a line, only to discover that there are no universal rules that can answer that question for them. In this episode, I take a closer look at the concept of emotional affairs and why I've avoided discussing the topic for so long. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/235 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
May 21 · 34 min
234: Resisting the Urge to Contact Your (Ex) Affair Partner
What do you do when you've decided you don't want to continue your affair, but you still desperately want to contact your affair partner? So many people assume that if they truly wanted the relationship to end, they wouldn't feel the urge to reach out. But what if those urges don't mean you made the wrong decision at all? In this episode, I talk about why learning how to tolerate the urge to contact your affair partner is very different from resisting or fighting the urge. I explain why urges to reconnect are often the result of habit, emotional conditioning, and the brain's desire for familiar rewards, rather than proof that you should restart the relationship. I also walk you through why it's essential to make a clear decision about whether you actually want the relationship to end before trying to cut off contact. You'll learn how to contact your affair partner less impulsively by becoming more aware of the physical sensations that accompany urges, rather than immediately reacting to them. This episode will help you understand how to allow difficult emotions without acting on them, why urges lose power when you stop resisting them, and how practicing this skill can give you more freedom, self-trust, and clarity in your decisions. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/234 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
May 7 · 34 min
233: How to Have Better Sex (Part 3)
What does better sex actually require once you've clarified your desires and started rebuilding a connection with your partner? If you want better sex in a long-term relationship, the next step isn't simply hoping that things improve. It's learning how to communicate, collaborate, and intentionally co-create a sexual relationship that works for both of you. In this episode, I continue our conversation about better sex by focusing on the practical realities of reconnecting sexually with a committed partner. Rather than assuming great sex should happen effortlessly, I challenge you to lead with curiosity, presence, and a genuine willingness to understand your partner as a sexual being, perhaps in ways you never fully have before. Listen in this week to learn how to create better sex by taking initiative, building consistent opportunities for sensual connection, and focusing on what you can control rather than fixating on your partner's behavior. I share why understanding your partner's current perspective matters, how to approach conversations about sex more directly, and why explicit communication is often essential for creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/233 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
April 23 · 31 min
232: How to Have Better Sex (Part 2)
What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day? If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler? If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus are essential, even when they take effort. You'll learn how to break out of patterns of distraction and disinterest, how to take responsibility for your role in the relationship dynamic, and how to begin creating the conditions where better sex can actually become possible. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/232 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
April 9 · 28 min
231: How to Have Better Sex (Part 1)
What does better sex actually mean to you, and have you ever really stopped to define it for yourself? So many people say they want better sex, but when we look closer, they're focused on specific outcomes or details without ever considering the bigger picture of what creates a genuinely satisfying sexual experience. Tune in this week to learn how to begin having better sex by examining your own desires, your mental and emotional experiences of sex, and the role your thinking plays in generating sexual desire. This is the foundation for having better sex, not just occasionally, but in a way that's intentional, aligned, and actually reflective of what you want. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/231 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
March 26 · 35 min
230: When Your Infidelity Situation Takes Over Your Life
When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay. But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life? If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episode will help you widen your lens and start making choices from a more grounded and intentional place. Join me this week as I explore what happens when you become fixated on your infidelity situation and how that fixation can quietly shrink your world and distort your perspective. You'll learn why staying stuck in that mental loop often leads to more confusion and suffering, and why stepping back to look at your whole life can be one of the most powerful things you can do. I also introduce a simple but meaningful way to reconnect with yourself by asking what it's important for you to be, do, and have right now, rather than getting lost in the past or trying to predict the future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/230 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
March 12 · 54 min
229: Radical Un-Shaming with David Bedrick
Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable? In this episode, I'm joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators, good people and bad people. Together, we explore how infidelity and other taboo experiences are so often approached through judgment rather than curiosity, and why that leaves so much of our humanity unseen. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/229 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
February 26 · 27 min
228: Podcast Greatest Hits: When You Love Your Partner and You Still Want to Cheat
Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else? If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship. In this episode, we'll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken. Tune in this week as I unpack how our ideas about monogamy are shaped by social and historical forces, why wanting something outside the bounds of monogamy doesn't make you defective, and why your first priority is figuring out what you actually want. You'll also learn how to examine the reasons behind wanting to cheat or open your relationship, and how to think more consciously about the consequences you're willing to tolerate. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/228 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
February 12 · 27 min
227: Love, Sex, and Romance: What Do You Really Want?
Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life? When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build. In this episode, I invite you to take a step back from the immediacy of your infidelity situation so you can reconnect with what truly matters to you. Tune in to learn how gaining clarity about your own desires can shift how you see your infidelity situation and the choices in front of you. You'll hear why so many of us never define what love, sex, or romance actually mean to us, how unconscious assumptions can drive painful dynamics, and how stepping out of tunnel vision can help you make decisions that align with the life you want now, not the one shaped by drama or fear. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/227 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
January 29 · 35 min
226: Recovering From a "Bad Decision"
Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation? Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery. Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode. Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set of decisions you make, and how making decisions for clear reasons you like prevents regret, even when the outcomes might surprise you. If you're stuck in analysis paralysis about your infidelity situation, this episode will help you understand that bold decisions aren't irreversible sentences. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/226 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
January 15 · 29 min
225: Drunken One-Night Stands
You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it. Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?" Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people, but sometimes it's a way to distract yourself from dealing with dissatisfaction in your committed relationship. Join me on this episode as I help you cut through the confusion by addressing the most common questions I receive about this topic. You'll learn how to examine your orientation to your committed relationship honestly, why you need to figure out where you stand before deciding whether to disclose anything to your partner, and how to stop letting this consume your precious time and energy. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/225 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

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