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Welcome to Three Percent. This is your space if you’re on a journey of pursuing holistic masculinity, growing your emotional awareness, and cultivating deeper relationships and an authentic faith.

We’re here to provide evidence-based guidance and proven strategies drawn from our experiences as therapists, friends, and mentors.

We aren’t here to give you gimmicks or superficial “hacks.” We’re not telling you who to be, we're helping you uncover what gets in the way of being the man you want to be and offering you the authentic tools needed for tangible growth.

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  • 24 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 53 min
  • English

Episodes 24

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  • Today · 1 hr 6 min

    How Your Attachment Strategy Shaped Your Picture of God with Geoff Holsclaw pt. 2

    What if the way you relate to God has less to do with your theology — and everything to do with your attachment strategy? Dr. Geoff Holsclaw is back, and this time the conversation goes somewhere none of them planned. In part one, Geoff laid out the attachment landscapes — the desert, the jungle, the war zone, and the pasture — and gave listeners a way to see themselves in their relational patterns. This episode takes that framework somewhere more personal: straight into the room where faith lives. How does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? And what does it actually look like to move toward something more secure — not just with people, but with Him? KEY TAKEAWAYS How your attachment strategy shapes your picture of God — the difference between compensation and correspondence Why anxious/jungle people and avoidant/desert people often end up in the same church frustrated with each other for completely opposite reasons Why deconstruction is sometimes just dragging God into your insecure attachment landscape — and why that's worth sitting with How stoicism and trauma-informed therapy are two sides of the same insecure coin in our current cultural moment CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: am I always trying to do it right with God? (02:00) Welcoming Geoff back — and what we left on the table in part one (05:00) The question this episode is built around: how does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? (08:00) Compensation vs. correspondence — two ways your childhood gets projected onto God (10:00) Why people with insecure attachment tend to have the big crisis conversion (12:00) Jungle spirituality: hyper-focused on whether God showed up in worship (14:00) Desert spirituality: as long as I check the right boxes, God and I are good (15:00) When desert people and jungle people attend the same church (17:00) Blake: how losing the emotional spiritual experience left him skeptical of everyone who still has one (19:00) Jamie: how his desert strategy built a faith with no room to receive — until it wasn't (23:00) Secure attachment as balanced attachment: holding cognitive and social-emotional together (27:00) We're always trying to drag God into our landscape — and He's always drawing us into the pasture (28:00) Deconstruction as a way of making God match your insecure attachment style (29:00) The rise of stoicism and trauma-informed therapy: two insecure extremes of the same cultural moment (31:00) How to know if you're pulling God into your landscape vs. being invited into the pasture (38:00) Jamie on experiencing God as Friend before Father — and why that path is valid (41:00) God met me in the desert too: why you don't have to throw away the gifts from your old landscape (44:00) Geoff: 26 years into marriage, he just started asking his wife, "Can I share my heart with you?" (48:00) The secret pain of high performers: everyone thinks you have it together, and inside you're terrified you're a fraud (59:00) Where's the growth edge? Running new experiments — that's what faith actually is (01:03:00) The Attachment to God Summit and where to find Geoff LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Part 1 — Geoff Holsclaw on the Attachment Landscapes: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4TwXYm72Fprc7Bu2Xu6EZV?si=243a17fc5134416d Geoff Holsclaw's Website — Center for Embodied Faith: https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ Landscapes of the Soul (book by Geoff & Sid Holsclaw): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ The Attachment to God Summit (fall): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Geoff Holsclaw, attachment to God, attachment landscapes, desert spirituality, jungle spirituality, secure attachment, faith, deconstruction, stoicism, trauma, embodied faith, Landscapes of the Soul, men's mental health, holistic masculinity, spiritual formation, running new experiments, pasture, healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • September 7 · 1 hr 1 min

    Permission to Talk About It — Suicide, Shame, and Stay with Jen Butler

    What if the most dangerous thing we can do around suicide isn't talking about it — but refusing to? September is Suicide Awareness Month, and Jamie and Blake are kicking it off with someone they describe as the most accessible voice on this topic they've ever encountered: Jen Butler — real talk writer, comedian, and author of Volume Control — who has spent years refusing to let shame keep this conversation small. Both Blake and Jamie share openly from their own stories in this episode. Blake attempted suicide at 17. Jamie has experienced passive suicidality. Jen has had multiple attempts, multiple psych ward stays, and years of addiction underneath it all. And yet somehow this episode is also funny. Warm. Honest in a way that makes you feel less alone rather than more afraid. Jen traces her story from a heartbreak at 14 in a Burger King parking lot, to a cancer diagnosis at 22 and the narcotic pain pills that followed, to two psych ward stints, breast implant illness, disordered eating, and finally — sobriety, courtesy of a poet with a man bun. She talks about what it took to write Volume Control — a choose-your-own-emotional-regulation guidebook she built over six years by writing letters to her future self from her darkest places — and previews her next book, Stay, which publishers keep loving and refusing at the same time, because the word suicide makes everyone nervous. The irony is not lost on her. If you've ever had the thought that you just didn't want to be here anymore — or you love someone who has — this episode will give you language, permission, and a little bit of relief. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why not talking about suicide is the most dangerous thing we can do — not the other way around How suicidality is really just one expression of a universal human instinct: discomfort is loud, we want comfort Why a suicide attempt doesn't automatically lead to a shift — and what actually has to change What "the volume turned up on life" means and why some people feel everything louder than others How Jen built Volume Control — six years of letters to her future self, organized by emotional state CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: the reason I got sober was a poet with a man bun (02:00) Kicking off Suicide Awareness Month — and why Jen is the perfect guest (05:00) Introducing Jen Butler: real talk writer, comedian, not afraid of the dark stuff (07:00) Volume turned up on life: what it's like to feel everything louder than everyone else (08:00) First thoughts of suicide at 14 — heartbreak, a Burger King parking lot, and no language for the pain (10:00) Cancer at 22, pain pills, and finding the blend that numbed the discomfort (11:00) First attempt at 23 — and why getting a clean bill of health was the trigger (13:00) Being a victim is cozy — Jen, Jamie, and Blake on the seductive comfort of that identity (15:00) Blake shares his own attempt at 17 and what was underneath it (17:00) Suicidality as binary thinking — the same switch that fires at a bad job or a rough relationship (21:00) The psych ward experience, and why leaving didn't change anything (25:00) Getting sober at 27 — and then three years of white-knuckling through breast implant illness (29:00) Writing letters to future Jen — the six-year origin story of Volume Control (34:00) How to use Volume Control: zero through 11, the feely-wheely, and a choose-your-own-adventure table of contents (37:00) Stay — the new book, the subtitle, and the publishing world's fear of the word suicide (44:00) Platforms, shadowbans, and why even the word gets blurred like a photo of a... you know (48:00) Veterans, police, and the career cost of asking for help (51:00) Why getting help is treated as proof you're a liability — and why that's backwards (55:00) Self-publishing, crowdfunding, and why Jen is done asking permission (57:00) In the time of this episode, 83 people will have died by suicide LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Jen Butler's Website: https://www.jenbutlersays.com/ Jen Butler on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenbutlersays/ Volume Control by Jen Butler (buy the book): http://volumecontrolbook.com Free PDF from Stay — "Tricks for Rough Brain Days": sign up at https://jenbutlersays.kit.com/pdf-justfortoday 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 — https://988lifeline.org/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Jen Butler, Volume Control, Stay, suicide awareness, suicide prevention, suicidality, mental health, men's mental health, addiction, recovery, sobriety, emotional regulation, trauma, shame, stigma, veterans mental health, self-publishing, holistic masculinity, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • August 31 · 48 min

    Top Plate with Chris Winikka

    What happens when the anger showing up in your classroom has nothing to do with your students — and everything to do with a kid who never felt heard? This week Jamie and Blake welcome Chris Winikka for a Top Plate episode — a live coaching call where a real member of the Three Percent community brings his actual 3% to the table. Chris who is in his 26th year of teaching high school computer science found the podcast while processing his own story, and somewhere along the way started noticing something he couldn't ignore: after decades of keeping his cool in the classroom, he was snapping at students. The anger was back — and it was louder than it should have been for what was actually happening. What follows is one of the most practical and quietly moving Top Plate episodes yet. Chris traces the anger back through anxious attachment, a childhood of being dismissed as "just Chris," the identity crisis that came when AI started threatening his sense of worth as a teacher, and the slow realization that what his students need most from him has nothing to do with what he knows about programming. If you're a teacher, a parent, or anyone who has ever let frustration loose on someone who didn't deserve the full weight of it — this one will find you. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why anger that feels disproportionate is almost always pointing to something deeper underneath How anxious attachment from childhood can show up decades later in the classroom — or anywhere you need to be received well What the AI identity crisis reveals about where we've been quietly sourcing our self-worth Why negativity bias means one bad student review encodes louder than ten great ones — and how your brain then lies to you about the ratio The difference between rescuing a dysregulated student and helping them navigate discomfort Why naming the process — not the content — is the most powerful tool in the room What it means to be a regulated nervous system in a room full of kids who may never encounter one CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: who am I if AI can just do this stuff? (02:00) What a Top Plate episode is — and why Chris chose to do it twice (04:00) The difference between coaching and therapy (07:00) Chris: 26 years of teaching, and suddenly snapping at students again (11:00) AI, falling enrollment, and the identity crisis underneath the anger (15:00) The SEEN Method and asking "what am I scared of?" (16:00) "It's just Chris" — tracing the anger back to anxious attachment in a family of five (18:00) You can't tame what you can't name (20:00) Apologizing well — and what a real apology sounds like vs. "I'm sorry you were offended" (23:00) Negativity bias, Rate My Teacher, and why one bad review drowns out ten good ones (28:00) How Chris is approaching the new school year differently (30:00) Not robbing students of the opportunity to struggle — and what learned helplessness actually looks like (33:00) Naming the process, not the content: Blake's tool for the classroom (40:00) When did you decide you weren't good at this? — the third grade math moment (41:00) What do you want future Chris to remember? (44:00) You might be the only regulated nervous system these kids encounter all day LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Want to do your own Top Plate episode? Reach out at: https://threepercentco.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Top Plate, live coaching, Chris Winikka, teacher mental health, anger, anxious attachment, AI identity crisis, negativity bias, classroom management, learned helplessness, self-worth, nervous system regulation, men's mental health, vulnerability, personal growth, holistic masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • August 24 · 49 min

    Spider-Man, Vulnerability & What It Means to Be a Safe Man

    What can Spider-Man teach us about masculinity, mental health, vulnerability, and authentic connection? In this special episode of the Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake take a different approach: they react to the newest Spider-Man movie and unpack the deeper psychological and relational themes hiding underneath the superhero story. Through Peter Parker's loneliness, rage, isolation, self-acceptance, and relationships, they explore what happens when we don't have safe places to process our emotions—and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to be known. They talk about the difference between fixing our emotions and actually engaging them, why high-performing people can still experience deep hopelessness, how vulnerability creates vulnerability in others, and why some of our deepest pain can only be repaired through connection. There are plenty of Spider-Man references, but ultimately this episode isn't really about superheroes. It's about what it means to stop hiding behind the mask and let ourselves be seen. ⚠️ Spoiler warning: This episode contains significant spoilers for the newest Spider-Man movie. Takeaways You can look like you have it all together and still be deeply hurting. Peter is literally Spider-Man—saving people and performing at a high level—while experiencing profound loneliness and hopelessness. Isolation turns pain into behavior. Peter experiences overwhelming emotions, isolates himself, works more, and eventually his unprocessed pain begins showing up as rage and destructive behavior. We don't just need to "fix" difficult emotions. Jamie and Blake explore what happens when we treat emotions as problems to eliminate rather than experiences that need to be understood and integrated. Connection is often the pathway to repair. The movie's most powerful moments aren't resolved through dominance or power, but through empathy, vulnerability, connection, and repair. Vulnerability creates the possibility of hope. Peter's willingness to risk connection—even when he could have walked away—becomes a powerful picture of how vulnerability can open the door to hope and authentic relationship. Chapters (00:00) — What's Up, Spider-Fans? (02:00) — What Spider-Man Has to Do With Men's Mental Health (05:00) — The Loneliness of Being Spider-Man (21:00) — Isolation, Rage & Self-Medicating (24:00) — "You're Too Much" (32:00) — The Power of a Corrective Emotional Experience (34:00) — Connection Over Dominance (38:00) — Vulnerability Breeds Vulnerability (40:00) — You Don't Have to Fix What You're Feeling (44:00) — Self-Acceptance & Being Loved for Who You Are (46:00) — Vulnerability, Hope & the Final Handshake (48:00) — What Spider-Man Can Teach Us About Connection Keywords Three Percent Podcast, men's mental health, Spider-Man, Marvel, masculinity, holistic masculinity, vulnerability, authentic connection, loneliness, depression, hopelessness, emotional health, emotional regulation, self-acceptance, self-compassion, shame, rage, isolation, male friendship, empathy, emotional connection, relationships, repair, corrective emotional experience, safe men, mental health, vulnerability and masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • August 17 · 1 hr 9 min

    The Enneagram, Your “Small Story,” and Becoming Whole with Katie Gustafson

    What if your Enneagram type isn't the definition of who you are, but simply a strategy you learned to survive? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist and Enneagram practitioner Katie Gustafson to explore the Enneagram as more than a personality test. Katie describes it as a “map of attention”—a way of understanding what we instinctively focus on, what we're trying to protect ourselves from, and what we may be missing as a result. This is ultimately a conversation about authenticity, grace, healing, and becoming more fully human. Takeaways Your Enneagram type is a strategy, not your identity. What you focus on can reveal what you're missing. Hurt isn't necessarily harm. Anger can be a signal rather than a problem. Your “small story” doesn't have to become your whole story. Resources / Links Katie Gustafson https://katiegustafson.co/ Katie on Instagram — @katiegustafson.co Three Percent Co. https://threepercentco.com/ Chapters (00:00) — What is the Enneagram, really? (05:00) — The stories we create as children (07:00) — When your personality becomes a mask (10:00) — What your Enneagram type helps you miss (13:00) — The struggle of being “special” (19:00) — Your Enneagram strategy vs. God's grace (22:00) — What is the “ouchie”? (24:00) — Hurt vs. harm (30:00) — Nine different “normals” (35:00) — Why anger matters (40:00) — Anger, boundaries, and right action (43:00) — The nine Enneagram strategies (54:00) — When your strategy makes you lose yourself (58:00) — Learning what you need (1:02:00) — Your type is the small story (1:05:00) — Becoming the author of your life Keywords Enneagram, Enneagram types, personality, authenticity, emotional health, emotional healing, relationships, attachment, self-awareness, self-compassion, common humanity, anger, boundaries, hurt vs harm, abuse, trauma, grace, God, identity, personal growth, healing, emotional honesty, needs, vulnerability, masculinity, therapy, narrative therapy, protective strategies, survival strategies, integration, wholeness, spiritual formation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • August 10 · 28 min

    What Did You Expect Healing to Look Like? Part 2

    What does healing actually look like — not in theory, but right now, in the middle of your real life? In part one, Jamie and Blake laid the foundation: the hidden rules they carried into healing, why they thought it meant fixing themselves, and how those expectations got in the way. Now they're back to answer the harder question — what does cultivating the garden actually look like for them today? Nearly a decade into their respective journeys through therapy, 12-step recovery, and story work, they're both currently going through it, and they're not pretending otherwise. If you're somewhere in the middle of your own healing and wondering why it doesn't look like what you thought it would, this one's for you. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why healing is an ongoing journey, not a destination — and the difference between healing and healed What self-abandonment actually means and how it quietly shows up in relationships Why what looks like trusting yourself and going to addiction is actually your intuition asking for care with a maladaptive solution How abuse systematically disorients your intuition — and what coming home to it looks like Why forgiveness is a process you begin, not a moment you complete Why holding onto resentment feels like power but functions like a prison What tending the garden actually looks like in the day-to-day CHAPTERS (00:00) Welcome back: part two of what did you expect healing to look like? (01:00) The vacation analogy — when expectations ruin what's actually beautiful (03:00) Recapping part one: what we thought healing was supposed to be (05:00) What healing looks like for Jamie right now — slowing down and story work (07:00) The gym analogy: why you can't bank mental health reps and coast (09:00) Blake: healing looks like coming home to and trusting my own intuition (10:00) How hyper-responsibility and self-abandonment are connected (11:00) Defining self-abandonment — leaving yourself there to suffer (14:00) The difference between your intuition and your adaptive child parts (16:00) Your desire for care is not the problem. Your solution might be. (18:00) The coming cultural revolt against therapy — and what it reveals about our desire for easy fixes (21:00) Maybe healing is learning how to suffer well (23:00) Forgiveness as a garden tool — Jamie on beginning the process with his abuser (25:00) Drinking poison and hoping he would die — and why Jamie finally put it down LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Part 1 — What Did You Expect Healing to Look Like?: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5aOAfVihpYRNLfbf9GlpdX?si=3094581eb19e4ed2 KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, healing, what does healing look like, forgiveness, self-abandonment, intuition, trauma recovery, 12-step, therapy, men's mental health, resentment, shame, adaptive child, garden metaphor, suffering, holistic masculinity, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • August 3 · 49 min

    Your Pain Is Killing a Future You Never Knew You Had with Justin McRoberts and Scott Erickson

    What if the most healing thing you can do in a season of pain isn't to fix it, process it, or even talk about it — but to make something? Jamie and Blake are joined by two of their favorite people — artist Scott Erickson and musician, poet, and coach Justin McRoberts — for a conversation that goes places none of them planned. These four have been in each other's orbit for a while now, and it shows. What starts as a question about art and the low seasons of life quickly becomes one of the most honest, unexpected, and quietly stunning conversations this show has hosted. Scott offers a definition of pain that stops the room: most pain is the death of future memories — the slow grief of realizing that the life you quietly expected to have isn't coming. Jamie opens up about being in a low himself right now, triggered by story work around eight years of abuse he's never fully shared, and what it's costing him to look at the mountain of those stories. Justin reframes the entire practice of making things — not as self-expression, but as a way to have a conversation with the parts of yourself you don't yet know how to talk to directly. And Scott, who spent a season this spring genuinely questioning whether he wanted to keep being an artist, closes the episode by inviting Jamie to throw himself the high school party he never got to have. Bring a casserole to the wake. You'll understand by the end. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why the practice of making something matters more than what you make Scott's definition of pain as the death of future memories — and why processing it enlarges you How art functions as an intermediary — a way to have a conversation with yourself about who you are and who you thought you'd be Why evil has an agenda and good asks a question, and what that means for what you create in uncertain times What "faith freely chosen" looks like when the world feels like it's falling apart How to give hospitality to the wounded parts of yourself through ritual, creativity, and community Why your artwork — whatever form it takes — is the casserole you bring to the shared wake CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: make a casserole and show up to the shared wake (02:00) Reuniting Scott and Justin — and why Jamie wanted both of them at the same time (04:00) Jamie names where he's at: a low season, triggered by story work (05:00) How the practice of art frees you to actually feel your feelings (07:00) Scott on the vocation crisis he had this spring — and how he found his way back (10:00) The Sad Avengers: building your team of artists, creatives, and truth-tellers (11:00) Evil has an agenda. Goodness asks a question. What are you going to make? (14:00) Phil Stutz, True and False Magic, and faith freely chosen in the face of uncertainty (19:00) Why the practice matters more than the product — and who you become while you're making it (22:00) Art as the casserole you bring to the cultural wake we're all attending (24:00) Pain as the death of future memories — Scott's definition that stops everything (27:00) Making playlists as liturgical practice — singing your way through the low (33:00) Jamie opens up about eight years of abuse and the deaths of future memories inside it (36:00) Art as an intermediary: having a conversation with the parts of yourself you can't talk to directly (41:00) Scott's invitation: throw yourself the party you never got to have (47:00) Landing the plane: be hospitable toward yourself LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Scott Erickson's Website + upcoming shows: https://www.scottericksonart.com/ Justin McRoberts' Website: https://www.justinmcroberts.com/ In The Low — book by Scott Erickson & Justin McRoberts: https://www.justinmcroberts.com/in-the-low Phil Stutz, True and False Magic (referenced by Scott): https://www.amazon.com/True-False-Magic-Phil-Stutz/dp/ Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara (referenced by Scott): https://www.unreasonablehospitality.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Scott Erickson, Justin McRoberts, In The Low, art and grief, creativity, pain, depression, low seasons, faith, making things, holistic masculinity, trauma, hospitality, men's mental health, death of future memories, Phil Stutz, community, healing, spiritual practice Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • July 27 · 45 min

    A Field Guide to the 3%: Part One

    What if the thing running your life isn't a choice — it's just the way your brain learned to stay safe? Jamie and Blake are back with something a little different. Fresh off their annual retreat in Smithville, Tennessee, they're pulling back the curtain on a book they're writing — a field guide to the 3% — and using this episode to work through the big questions that anchor part one: the 3% that happened to you. No guest, no filter, just two friends and therapists getting into the neuroscience, the theology, and the deeply personal reality of why the past doesn't just stay in the past. This is one of the more honest episodes they've recorded. Jamie shares openly about building his identity around his story of abuse — not to heal, but to get the hit of care that felt like worth. Blake gets into the neurobiology of why your brain is literally wired to encode pain louder than joy. And together they make a case for why the most countercultural thing a man can do is bring his hidden 3% into the light of real relationship. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why a memory that lasted an afternoon can run someone's life for decades — and why that's not a choice How the lower brain processes emotion and threat 1,000 times faster than the thinking brain What negativity bias is and why your brain encodes painful experiences with more color and context than positive ones The difference between guilt and shame — and why the distinction changes how you recover Why shame feels solitary but is actually born in relationship — and why it heals the same way Why keeping something secret does more damage over time than the original wound The difference between naming what happened to you and building your identity around it CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: men's mental health, carnivore diet, never show feelings (02:00) Fresh off retreat: Jamie and Blake are writing a field guide (06:00) What the book is — three sections, field guide format, under 100 pages (08:00) Part one: the 3% that happened to you (09:00) Question 1: Why does a memory that lasted an afternoon run someone's life for decades? (11:00) The top brain and the bottom brain — why emotion outruns logic (17:00) Your body is still running from a tiger that left years ago (18:00) Negativity bias: why your brain encodes pain louder than joy (21:00) Question 2: What's the difference between guilt and shame? (24:00) Shame as identity vs. guilt as behavior — and why it matters (25:00) Shame feels solitary but happens first in relationship (28:00) What it means to have a "regulated other" — and what happens when you don't (32:00) Question 3: Why does keeping a secret do more damage than the thing itself? (37:00) Question 4: What's the difference between naming your story and building your identity around it? (38:00) Jamie gets honest about seeking applause instead of attachment LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Brené Brown on guilt vs. shame (referenced): https://brenebrown.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, field guide, 3% book, shame, guilt, trauma, negativity bias, neuroscience, limbic system, nervous system, men's mental health, healing, attachment, regulated other, vulnerability, identity, personal growth, holistic masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • July 20 · 1 hr 9 min

    You're Not Bad at Emotions. You're Good at Hiding Them with Morgan Burch

    What if the reason your conversations keep going sideways has nothing to do with what you're saying — and everything to do with what you're actually feeling underneath it? In this episode, Jamie and Blake welcome their friend Morgan Burch — relationship coach and creator of the SEEN Method — for a conversation recorded in person that feels less like an interview and more like a masterclass you didn't know you needed. Morgan breaks down the four-letter framework she developed out of her own marriage to help people move from barbed-wire communication to actual vulnerability. And what's wild is how simple it is — and how hard it is to do, because confusion and complication have always felt safer than being honest. This one is funny, personal, and quietly devastating in the best way. Jamie and Blake both get caught in real time. Dan (Morgan's husband) makes multiple appearances from the couch. And by the end, you'll have a completely different relationship with your anger, your disappointment, and the expectations you've been silently holding over everyone around you. KEY TAKEAWAYS What the SEEN Method is and why it works where other communication frameworks fall flat The difference between showing someone the barbed wire around a feeling and showing them the actual feeling Why negative emotions like anger and disappointment aren't walls — they're neon signs pointing to something you didn't know you needed Why confusion and complication can be a hiding place — and how to stop using them The mirror game: why the most healing thing you can do for someone is stop trying to fix them Why you can't fully receive from others what you haven't first given to yourself What it means that "avoidance is a privilege" — and what it costs you CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: I wasn't good at controlling my emotions — I was good at hiding them (02:00) Introducing Morgan Burch and the SEEN Method (06:00) How Morgan's marriage to Dan became the proving ground for everything she teaches (09:00) "I was showing him the barbed wire around the feeling, not the feeling" (13:00) S — Scared: what am I actually afraid this means? (13:00) E — Embarrassed: the vulnerable feeling underneath the protective one (21:00) E — Expectations: the hopes you didn't know you had (23:00) Why disappointment is a neon sign, not a character flaw (31:00) N — Need: what do I need, and can I give it to myself first? (40:00) The mirror game: reflect, don't fix (45:00) Morgan's story: using the SEEN Method with her own dad (57:00) "Nothing to prove, always more to learn, no great thing is done alone" LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Morgan Burch's Website + The Repair Lab: https://morganburch.com/ Morgan Burch on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgan.therapy/ Eli Harwood (mentioned — "regulate before you educate"): https://www.eliharwood.com/ Dr. Becky Kennedy (mentioned — metabolizing emotions): https://www.drbeckyatgoodinside.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Morgan Burch, SEEN Method, communication, relationships, vulnerability, emotional intelligence, repair lab, men's mental health, marriage, expectations, anger, conflict resolution, self-regulation, co-regulation, holistic masculinity, connection, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • July 13 · 53 min

    What Did You Expect Healing to Look Like?

    What if healing doesn't look anything like you expected? For many of us, healing starts with an unspoken goal: get rid of the anxiety, stop feeling angry, break the habit, or finally become the version of ourselves we think everyone else wants. But what if those expectations are actually keeping us stuck? In this honest and unscripted conversation, Blake and Jamie explore the hidden "rules" they've carried about healing. They reflect on how they once believed healing meant becoming free from anger, discomfort, or unwanted behaviors, only to discover that true healing is far more about curiosity, compassion, and learning to feel at home in their own bodies. This episode isn't about offering quick answers. It's an invitation to examine the expectations you've inherited, question the rules you've been living by, and begin imagining a different kind of healing. Key Takeaways - Healing isn't becoming someone else—it's becoming more fully yourself. - The behaviors we want to eliminate often begin as survival strategies that deserve curiosity before judgment. - Repressed anger doesn't disappear; it often turns inward in ways we don't recognize. - Many of our expectations about healing come from unspoken family or cultural "rules," not necessarily what's true. - Compassion creates more lasting transformation than shame ever could. - Healing is an evolving process, not a finish line. Chapters (00:00) What did you expect healing to look like? (05:18) The hidden rules we carry into healing (11:42) Why we thought healing meant "fixing" ourselves (18:55) Anger isn't the enemy (26:40) When survival strategies become self-harm (34:10) Why pornography, addiction, and numbing behaviors deserve compassion, not just condemnation (40:00) Feeling at home in your own body (45:15) The rules you inherited about healing (48:00) Letting go of expectations and preparing for Part Two Resources & Links Three Percent Co.: https://threepercentco.com/ Keywords healing, emotional healing, therapy, mental health, men's mental health, anger, shame, self-compassion, vulnerability, pornography recovery, addiction recovery, trauma, emotional health, nervous system, relationships, masculinity, Blake Roberts, Jamie Haigh, Three Percent Podcast, healing journey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 29 · 1 hr 6 min

    Three Percent X Captains Collective: When Grit Isn't Enough

    What happens when two podcasts built around helping men flourish sit down together? In this special crossover episode, Jamie and Blake join Hunter Leavine, founder of The Captains Collective, for a conversation about masculinity, emotional health, vulnerability, and the healing power of community. Hunter shares his personal story of rebuilding after failure, the lessons he's learned from life on the water, and why nature often becomes the classroom where men finally begin telling the truth. Together they explore how outdoor adventure, emotional honesty, and meaningful brotherhood aren't competing paths—but complementary ones. Whether you're more comfortable on a fishing boat than in a therapist's office, or vice versa, this conversation builds a bridge between both worlds. Key Takeaways Healing begins where hiding ends. The things we keep locked away are often the very things keeping us disconnected from ourselves and others. Vulnerability creates permission. One honest conversation can transform an entire community. Nature has a way of restoring perspective. Time outdoors reminds us we're part of something much bigger than ourselves. The traits that once protected us don't have to define us forever. Growth isn't about becoming someone new—it's about healing what was wounded. Brotherhood is built through presence, not performance. Men don't need perfect answers—they need safe places to tell the truth. Resources & Links Learn more about Hunter Leavine & The Captains Collective: https://captainscollective.com/ Follow The Captains Collective: https://www.instagram.com/captainscollective/ Three Percent Podcast: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Three Percent Community: https://threepercentco.com/membership Chapters (00:00) – Introducing the crossover episode (03:45) – Why the outdoor world and emotional health belong together (11:18) – Hunter's personal story of rebuilding after failure (20:04) – The hidden cost of emotional compartmentalization (31:22) – Why empathy disappears—and how it returns (46:40) – Mangroves, resilience, and learning to regrow (54:12) – Why vulnerability changes friendships forever (59:05) – What nature teaches us about perspective and humility (1:03:10) – Fly fishing, presence, and emotional healing (1:05:00) – Final encouragements and where to connect Keywords men's mental health, emotional health, vulnerability, masculinity, therapy, men's groups, brotherhood, friendship, healing, emotional resilience, shame, honesty, empathy, Hunter Leavine, The Captains Collective, outdoor adventure, fly fishing, nature, resilience, community, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, Christian mental health, personal growth, emotional healing, men's relationships Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 22 · 49 min

    Men’s Mental Health Month: The Cost of Going It Alone

    June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and in this special episode, Blake and Jamie tackle a sobering reality: men are struggling, and many are doing it alone. From higher suicide rates and lower treatment utilization to fewer close friendships and cultural expectations around self-sufficiency, the statistics tell an alarming story. But this conversation goes deeper than the data. Blake and Jamie explore why so many men resist asking for help, why vulnerability often feels like failure, and how shame keeps men isolated from the very relationships that could help them heal. Along the way, they offer a compassionate reframe: what if your struggles aren't proof that you're failing? What if they're evidence that you've been surviving the best way you know how? This episode is an invitation to move beyond performance, embrace humility, and become safe enough with yourself that you can experience deeper connection with God, others, and your own story. Key Takeaways Many men see asking for help as an admission of failure rather than an act of courage. Awareness without self-compassion often becomes another reason to feel ashamed. Humility is the ability to compassionately see your limitations without interpreting them as deficiencies. Close friendships don't simply happen—they are built through intentional honesty and vulnerability. What looks like weakness may actually be a survival strategy that helped you make it this far. Men aren't failing as much as they are hurting—and that distinction changes everything. Episode Chapters (00:00) Why Men’s Mental Health Matters (06:15) The alarming statistics around men's mental health (15:00) Why men are less likely to seek help (18:00) The hidden barrier: lack of awareness (20:00) Self-sufficiency, isolation, and depression (23:00) Why therapy often feels like failure (27:00) A powerful definition of humility (31:00) The emotional "box of crayons" men never received (38:00) How the 3% helps men heal (40:00) Are men narcissistic—or ashamed? (47:00) Becoming the man you want to be (48:00) Men aren't failing. Men are hurting. Resources & Links Three Percent Co. Keir Gaines — Learned the Hard Way Podcast Geoff Holsclaw episode on attachment and the "landscapes of the soul" KJ Ramsey episode on tenderness, survival, and healing 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Mental Health America National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Keywords Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, men's mental health, masculinity, vulnerability, emotional health, shame, therapy, counseling, depression, male friendships, self-sufficiency, humility, emotional awareness, relationships, healing, mental wellness, Three Percent Podcast, men's emotional health, connection, authenticity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 15 · 1 hr 4 min

    Attachment Styles & Why You Relate to God the Way You Do with Geoff Holsclaw

    Why do some people struggle to trust God, while others keep Him at a distance? Why do our relationships with people often mirror our relationship with God? This week, Blake and Jamie sit down with author, pastor, and professor Geoff Holsclaw to explore the powerful connection between attachment theory and spiritual formation. Drawing from his book Landscapes of the Soul, Geoff explains how our early relational experiences shape the ways we pursue intimacy, handle anxiety, and experience God's presence. Together, they discuss the four attachment "landscapes"—the Desert, Jungle, War Zone, and Pasture—and how God invites each of us into deeper security, connection, and delight. Whether you're familiar with attachment theory or hearing about it for the first time, this conversation offers practical wisdom for understanding yourself, your relationships, and your faith journey. Key Takeaways Attachment styles are adaptive strategies developed in response to our environments—not permanent identities. The way we relate to God is often influenced by the way we've learned to relate to people. Secure attachment doesn't eliminate anxiety but helps us navigate it with confidence and connection. Spiritual maturity involves receiving God's delight rather than constantly striving for His approval. Healing begins with curiosity and compassion toward ourselves rather than shame or self-condemnation. About Geoff Holsclaw Geoff Holsclaw is a pastor, professor, spiritual director, and author focused on helping people experience deeper connection with God, themselves, and others. Through his work at Embodied Faith, Geoff explores the intersection of attachment science, spiritual formation, and Christian discipleship, helping people move toward greater wholeness and secure relationships. Resources & Links Embodied Faith Geoff Holsclaw on Instagram Book: Landscapes of the Soul Book: Does God Really Like Me? The Attachment Project Chapters (00:00) – Introduction to Geoff Holsclaw (03:45) – What attachment theory is (and isn't) (10:22) – The four attachment landscapes (18:35) – The Desert: Avoidant attachment explained (28:40) – The Jungle: Anxious attachment explained (38:15) – The War Zone: Disorganized attachment explained (49:50) – The Pasture: Secure attachment and flourishing (58:30) – What attachment teaches us about God (1:07:10) – God's delight versus God's approval (1:15:42) – Practical steps toward healing and security (1:22:30) – Final encouragements and closing thoughts Keywords attachment theory, Geoff Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul, spiritual formation, Christian spirituality, emotional health, secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, faith and psychology, relationships, healing, God's delight, Christian growth, mental health, Three Percent Podcast, embodied faith, spiritual maturity, emotional healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 8 · 1 hr 1 min

    Understanding Joy and Pain with KJ Ramsey

    What if joy isn't waiting on the other side of your pain — but is actually woven through the middle of it? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with KJ Ramsey — trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, author, and self-described "increasingly feral mystic utterly devoted to the joy of being alive." KJ's newest book, The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive, grew out of a personal dare: to discover that joy is more trustworthy than trauma. What followed was a cross-country adventure to revisit the national parks of her childhood, a near-death health crisis, and one of the most honest accounts of living with chronic illness, complex trauma, and radical joy you'll ever encounter. KJ reframes everything about how we think about hope and joy — not as light, aspirational feelings, but as heavy things we were never meant to carry alone. She argues that joy isn't on the other side of grief, it emerges from within it, like mycelium threading silently beneath a forest floor, sustaining everything above it without anyone seeing. This conversation will move you. It may also wreck you in the best possible way. TAKEAWAYS Why hope and joy are too heavy to hold alone — and why that's actually good news How joy emerges from grief rather than existing on the other side of it What it means to "welcome grief expecting joy" Why stories are both sustenance and bridges — and why KJ wrote a memoir instead of a self-help book What tenderness toward your own pain actually looks like in practice Why people who suffer with chronic illness or trauma may be uniquely positioned to experience more joy How avoidance is a privilege — and why that doesn't make it useful CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: those who struggle are positioned for more joy(03:00) Introducing KJ Ramsey and The Place Between Our Pains(07:00) What KJ hopes listeners take away: hope and joy are team sports(15:00) Why hope is terrifying — and joy is not what we think it is(19:00) Joy as mycelium: the hidden web threading everything together(30:00) When your life tests the truth of the book you're writing(35:00) The difference between looking for the good and holding tenderness for the bad(39:00) Reading from the book: the Moon Face chapter(49:00) The book cover, the thread metaphor, and living through a tumor on her face(57:00) Avoidance is a privilege — and those who can't avoid pain may become the most joyful LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership KJ Ramsey's Website (book sample + links): https://www.kjramsey.com/ The Place Between Our Pains — buy the book: https://www.kjramsey.com/ KJ Ramsey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kjramsaywrites/ Scott Erickson (mentioned by Jamie, friend of the podcast): https://www.scotterickson.art/ David Gate's Substack review of the book (mentioned in episode): https://substack.com/@davidgate KEYWORDSThree Percent Podcast, KJ Ramsey, The Place Between Our Pains, joy and grief, chronic illness, complex trauma, hope, memoir, men's mental health, self-compassion, tenderness, mycelium, healing, connection, vulnerability, faith, wholeness, disability, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • June 1 · 56 min

    The Lie Your Nervous System Believes with Conner Custodio

    What if the reason you can't lose weight, recover from workouts, or stay consistent with your health has nothing to do with discipline — and everything to do with what's unresolved in your story? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with their friend Conner Custodio — a holistic athletic coach who integrates faith, neuroscience, psychology, nutrition, and performance to help athletes regulate their nervous systems and get to the root of what's holding them back. Conner opens up about his own story: growing up in Bermuda in a chaotic household, being homeless at 15, attending six high schools in four years, and the car ride home that changed everything. From there the conversation moves into his work — and it hits whether you're a professional athlete or someone who just can't figure out why they keep falling off a workout routine. His core idea is deceptively simple: athletes attach to their sport because they've lost attachment where they really needed it. And until that gets addressed, no program, no diet, and no amount of discipline will fix what's actually broken. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why athletes are often the most disconnected from their own bodies How the discipline required in sport can create dysregulation everywhere else What hyper and hypoarousal are — and why staying in either state causes real damage Why your unresolved story may be keeping your body in a constant low-grade stress state How trauma affects nutrition, weight loss, and recovery in ways most coaches miss The difference between attaching to a sport and freely playing one Why addressing your story may be the single most important thing you can do for your health CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: the lie your nervous system is living by (05:00) Conner's story: Bermuda, six high schools, and being homeless at 15 (13:00) The car ride home that changed everything (18:00) Why athletes are often the most disconnected from their bodies (22:00) Why Conner says we were never designed for professional sports (24:00) Hyperarousal and hypoarousal explained (29:00) Attaching to sport because you've lost attachment where you needed it (39:00) The full cup: when your capacity is already maxed before the day begins (43:00) How trauma keeps your body in a low-grade workout state — and why you may need to eat more to lose weight (51:00) The lie your nervous system believes — and what Jesus says instead LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Conner Custodio on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/connercustodio/ Conner's Website: https://connorcustodio.com KEYWORDSThree Percent Podcast, Conner Custodio, holistic athletic coaching, nervous system regulation, athlete mental health, attachment theory, trauma and the body, hyperarousal, hypoarousal, window of tolerance, nutrition for athletes, reverse dieting, men's mental health, faith and fitness, sports psychology, personal growth, healing, emotional health Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • May 25 · 33 min

    AI & Mental Health Part 3: Why Am I Always Anxious?

    Can AI help you understand yourself better? Absolutely. But can it replace real human connection? In this episode, Jamie and Blake continue the AI & Mental Health series by exploring both the benefits and limitations of using AI for emotional support. They acknowledge the real value AI can offer—helping people name emotions, identify patterns, and even feel safe enough to begin opening up. But they also draw an important line: self-awareness alone isn’t healing. Together, they unpack why anxiety, loneliness, and emotional pain are ultimately relational issues, not just intellectual problems to solve. AI may be able to give insight, language, and structure, but it cannot sit with you in your pain, notice your posture, respond to your tone, or offer the kind of embodied safety that changes people through relationship. This conversation is thoughtful, nuanced, and deeply compassionate toward those who have found comfort in AI while also gently inviting listeners toward something more: real vulnerability with real people. If you’ve ever found yourself endlessly processing with AI, stuck in your own head, or craving connection while still staying hidden, this episode will help you understand why awareness matters—but relationship is what actually transforms us. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why AI can help name emotions but cannot resolve relational pain How anxiety often keeps people trapped in rumination loops Why emotional healing requires more than intellectual understanding The difference between feeling “safe” with AI and being truly known by people How immediacy, tone, and body language shape healing relationships Why vulnerability becomes transformative when brought into community CHAPTERS (00:00) Continuing the AI & Mental Health conversation(03:00) The surprising benefits of AI for emotional awareness(06:00) Why naming emotions already helps calm the nervous system(10:00) When AI becomes another form of avoidance(14:00) Why anxiety thrives in isolation and rumination(18:00) The limits of intellectual solutions for emotional pain(21:00) What therapists notice that AI never can(27:00) Immediacy: posture, tone, and embodied presence(29:00) Why AI can’t solve a relational problem(31:00) Moving from consuming to cultivating growth(32:00) An invitation into deeper reflection in The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership AI & Mental Health Pt. 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6INc2GgY9IR52t6I38OzbI?si=50451a6ba1844b8bAI & Mental Health Pt. 2: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CROrb1aHEfuxZe2PO4j2f?si=3b17f5629cf34b74 KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, AI and mental health, anxiety, loneliness, emotional health, vulnerability, relationships, emotional awareness, rumination, nervous system, therapy, human connection, men’s mental health, healing, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • May 18 · 54 min

    How To Be Less Triggered with Dr. Kelly Flanagan

    Why do the people we love most have the ability to trigger us the fastest? In this conversation, Dr. Kelly Flanagan joins Jamie and Blake to explore what really happens when we move from connection into protection. Drawing from his new book, The Road Less Triggered, Kelly explains how our nervous systems react to perceived threats, why our hearts close in moments of conflict, and how we can learn to stay present instead of becoming defensive. Together, they unpack why anger is often a doorway into deeper emotions, how sadness gets blocked for many men, and why healing begins by asking not “What’s wrong with me?” but “What happened to me?” The conversation is practical, deeply compassionate, and full of memorable metaphors that make complex emotional dynamics easier to understand. If you’ve ever felt hijacked by your reactions, struggled to stay open in conflict, or wondered why small moments create such big responses, this episode offers a hopeful path toward greater calm, freedom, and connection. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why being triggered is normal—and doesn’t mean you’re broken How to move from protection mode back into connection mode Why anger often points to sadness underneath the surface What it means to restore your sense of choice in conflict How boundaries can be set with an open heart Why healing turns 30-day conflicts into 30-second recoveries CHAPTERS (00:00) Introducing Kelly Flanagan and The Road Less Triggered(05:00) Turning 30 days of conflict into 30 seconds(10:00) What it actually means to be triggered(14:00) Restoring your sense of choice(18:00) Why your nervous system thinks you’re in danger(22:00) Jamie’s story of trauma and non-consensual touch(27:00) Loneliness: feeling unseen, misunderstood, and unsupported(31:00) Calmness before connectedness(34:00) Anger as a doorway into your emotional life(38:00) The sadness underneath anger and anxiety(48:00) Openhearted boundaries(52:00) Final reflections and practical application LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Kelly Flanagan Book: The Road Less Triggered Three Percent Join The Basement (private community) KEYWORDS Kelly Flanagan, The Road Less Triggered, Three Percent Podcast, emotional triggers, relationships, marriage, anger, sadness, boundaries, vulnerability, men’s mental health, nervous system, trauma and healing, connection, emotional regulation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • May 11 · 38 min

    Inside Your 3%: Where Vulnerability and Safety Meet

    What actually makes someone feel safe? In this episode, Jamie and Blake slow down to explore one of the questions they’ve been asked most recently: what does “safety” actually mean—and how does it connect to the core idea behind Three Percent? Through personal stories, recovery experiences, parenting examples, and reflections on friendship, they unpack why vulnerability feels so difficult for most people. Not because something is wrong with us, but because many of us learned early on that honesty, emotion, or neediness didn’t feel safe. The result? We stay hidden, disconnected, and stuck carrying things alone. This conversation reframes vulnerability not as weakness, but as courage. It’s about learning how to recognize safe people, becoming safer people ourselves, and understanding that sharing your “3%” isn’t about oversharing—it’s about creating the kind of connection that leads to healing, freedom, and growth. If you’ve ever struggled to open up, feared being fully known, or wondered why emotional honesty feels so uncomfortable, this episode will help put language to it. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why vulnerability often feels unsafe long before adulthood How relational safety is built through attunement, repair, and consistency What “3%” actually means beyond the podcast name Why sharing your story creates deeper connection and healing The difference between emotional safety and emotional comfort Why staying hidden may feel protective—but ultimately costs more CHAPTERS (00:00) Looking for a new podcast co-host (02:00) Why this conversation about safety matters (04:00) How childhood shapes vulnerability in adulthood (07:00) Trauma, attachment, and feeling emotionally unsafe (10:00) What attunement actually means (12:00) Helping kids regulate emotions in real time (15:00) Why many adults never learned emotional safety (16:00) The deeper meaning behind “3%” (19:00) How to know if someone feels safe (21:00) The fly fishing story and relational vulnerability (24:00) Predictability, repair, and emotional trust (27:00) What being safe for someone else actually looks like (29:00) Why accountability and compassion must coexist (33:00) “Vulnerability will always cost you something” (35:00) Why staying hidden costs even more (37:00) An invitation into deeper connection in The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + monthly Q&A): https://threepercentco.com/membership KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, vulnerability, emotional safety, attachment, trauma and healing, men’s mental health, relationships, emotional regulation, authenticity, connection, shame, healing, friendship, accountability, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • May 4 · 59 min

    What Makes a Man Safe? with Amy Alexander

    What actually makes a man feel safe to others? In this conversation, Amy Alexander—therapist, co-founder of The Refuge Center, and someone who has spent decades working with survivors of trauma and abuse—offers a perspective most men rarely hear. Not from theory, but from real stories of women navigating fear, harm, and healing. Together, they explore the dynamics of power and control that often go unnoticed, and how even subtle patterns—people-pleasing, image management, avoidance, or lack of self-awareness—can erode safety in relationships over time. But this isn’t about shame or blame. It’s an invitation. A chance for men to listen, learn, and grow—not from defensiveness, but from humility. Amy names three powerful markers of a safe man: transparency, accountability, and a willingness to sacrifice time and energy for the good of others. If you’ve ever wondered what healthy masculinity actually looks like in practice—or how to become someone others feel safe with—this conversation offers clarity, honesty, and a path forward. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why safety isn’t defined by intention—but by how others experience you How subtle power dynamics can exist even without obvious abuse Why transparency builds trust faster than perfection ever could The difference between accountability and shame-dumping How unresolved patterns can quietly shape your relationships Why sacrificing time and energy is essential to becoming a safe partner CHAPTERS (00:00) The story behind The Refuge Center (04:00) Making therapy affordable, excellent, and accessible (08:00) A vision shaped by real human need (12:00) Working with survivors of domestic violence (16:00) Understanding power and control dynamics (20:00) How identity slowly erodes in unsafe relationships (23:00) The cycle of abuse explained (26:00) Why people stay—and why it’s more complex than you think (29:00) What healthy masculinity actually requires (31:00) Why transparency creates safety (36:00) The role of accountability (and what it’s not) (42:00) How shame-dumping damages relationships (45:00) Becoming the man your younger self needed (47:00) Why sacrifice matters more than you think (51:00) Practical examples of showing up in everyday life (56:00) How to support The Refuge Center LINKS & RESOURCES - The Refuge Center: https://refugecenter.org/ - Amy Alexander Bio: https://refugecenter.org/staff/amy-alexander/ - Support The Refuge Center (Faith Builders): https://refugecenter.org/ - Power and Control Wheel: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/ - Join The Basement (private Q&A + community): https://threepercentco.com/membership KEYWORDS Amy Alexander, Refuge Center, Three Percent Podcast, healthy masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, trauma and healing, domestic violence, power and control, accountability, vulnerability, men’s mental health, transparency, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  • April 27 · 34 min

    AI & Mental Health pt. 2: Why Am I Always Angry?

    Why does anger feel like the only emotion you can access? In part two of the AI & Mental Health series, the guys take on one of the most common questions men are asking right now: “Why am I always angry?” It’s a question that often carries shame—but what if anger isn’t the problem? Drawing from their work as therapists (and their own stories), they explore how anger often becomes the default emotion—not because it’s the only thing you feel, but because it’s the safest one to express. Underneath it is usually something more vulnerable: sadness, fear, shame, or even unmet needs that have gone unnoticed for years. This conversation reframes anger as a signal, not a failure. It’s an invitation to slow down, get curious, and begin connecting with what’s really happening beneath the surface—so you can move from reaction to awareness, and ultimately, to real change. If you’ve ever felt stuck in frustration, quick to react, or disconnected from your emotions, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do next. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why anger often masks more vulnerable emotions like sadness or fear How anger creates the illusion of control when you feel powerless Why many men only learned how to express one emotion—and it’s anger How unprocessed emotions build up and eventually come out sideways Why your anger is a signal pointing to something deeper—not a personal failure A practical framework to move from reaction to awareness (pause, pray, process, express) CHAPTERS (00:00) Why Jamie first went to therapy: numb or angry(02:00) The AI & Mental Health series explained(04:30) The #1 question: “Why am I always angry?”(08:00) Anger as the illusion of control(10:30) What anger is actually protecting(12:30) When anger is your only emotional outlet(14:00) Why more men are asking mental health questions(16:00) Anger as a signal, not a problem(18:00) A real-life example of anger masking sadness(21:00) The “anger iceberg” explained(23:00) Why compassion changes everything(25:00) The impact of culture, media, and overwhelm(27:00) Why control isn’t the goal—connection is(29:00) Practicing self-compassion in real time(31:00) Final thoughts + invitation to The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES Join The Basement (private Q&A + community): https://threepercentco.com/membership Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ AI & Mental Health Pt. 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6INc2GgY9IR52t6I38OzbI?si=7bbd8ce1455d4c19 KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, AI and mental health, anger, men’s mental health, emotional awareness, vulnerability, shame, emotional regulation, relationships, masculinity, trauma and healing, self-compassion, anxiety, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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