The Ned & Josh Podcast

The Ultimate Fake Business Name

Aldi condoms, bargain snow boots and the eternal Aldi-versus-Costco argument all find their place alongside Ned completely failing to acknowledge Josh’s exciting American listener statistics. “Buoyed” becomes a surprisingly heated vocabulary dispute, Evelyn Montclair arrives via scam text with immaculate fake-business energy, a discussion to create her ideal counterpart follows, and a stock-market phone conversation in a work toilet meets an aggressively biological interruption. Elsewhere, Ned decides “my Instagram” might age a person instantly, bathroom calls with Dads are rejected on principle, The Dark Knight resurfaces at exactly the wrong moment, the hypothetical return of Jesus creates immediate panic, AI complicates the miracle business, a gastroenterologist proves harder to pronounce than expected, a Virginia woman wakes to a bat near her mouth, Lenny solves his own missing-dog crisis, and a childhood cockroach chooses the worst possible sleeping spot. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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Don't Do THAT in Your Car!

What does an old-school Aussie pub bloke sound like while discussing mortgage stress over a morning coffee? That sits alongside the case for a married couple's house signature, Josh meeting his new niece Piper, Ned's disastrous receipt joke, a Roomba that becomes evidence of infidelity, the mystery of modern-day Palm Pilots and a Watergate discussion that eventually reaches Edward Snowden. Zambrero guac brings better luck on the joke front, letting someone with two groceries skip the queue becomes a moral issue, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Thank God You're Here spark improv memories, being proven right gets its own philosophical moment, checkout waiting times become absurd, famous Neds are assigned official responsibilities, brushing your teeth in the car remains deeply questionable, and Josh reveals the grim logic behind booking flights as Joshua. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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Are Instagram Likes Public?!

An innocent workplace whistle sends Ned into dangerous musical territory before attention turns to the cracked toilet seat he ignored for months, the astonishing price of premium replacements and the decidedly Frisbee-like model he eventually buys. McDonald’s then introduces its Australian McGold Card, but “McDonald’s for life” apparently means $30 a week for 40 years, which raises some questions about why companies keep using the words “for life” and then getting annoyed when customers interpret them literally. There is also the recently defeated proposal for Ned to give a houseguest his own bed, an unexpected Tasmanian interpretation of Southern hospitality and a new party greeting involving a fistful of famous people who share your first name. Instagram etiquette reminds Josh of teaching his Dad that everyone could see what he was liking, Ted Cruz manages another spectacular social-media mistake, and public figures are asked why they keep voluntarily wandering into this minefield. Dolly Parton then emerges as perhaps the rare famous person everybody can agree on. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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Mavis Beacon Was Never Real

Apparently $100 still buys far more enthusiasm from a nine-year-old than it does from an exhausted adult asked to move boxes. Carrie’s lifting ability comes under scrutiny, Ned admits part of his workday was spent asleep in his car, Lenny takes immediate offence to Josh’s energy, and a near-collision involving a burrito opens the door to some questionable pedestrian etiquette. A tray of pub drinks then inspires a proposed rule for deciding who actually owes whom an apology. Elsewhere, the Empire State Building couple return with serious Batman and Catwoman energy, Usain Bolt becomes the benchmark for exposing The Flash, and Superman’s secret identity raises some dark questions about road rage. GTA 6 brings a Netflix trailer, pricing complaints, missing physical discs, a refusal to pre-order, major leaks and Ned’s baffling theory of how hacking works. Then one Google search destroys a childhood assumption: Mavis Beacon was never real. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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Do We Really Need This Many Dog Breeds?

An $80 Ned & Josh shirt may or may not be coming, tomato sauce faces an attempted ban, unnecessary dog breeds are placed on notice and hat ownership could soon be capped at two. Then comes an airport lounge loophole so effective one man apparently ate first-class food 300 times without ever taking the flight, followed by the Washington DC bomb scare that turned out to involve a piece of adult equipment with an alarming amount of machinery. PBR sparks a debate about what beer actually needs to taste like, complicated craft brews get questioned and the idea of finding a job you genuinely love takes a reality check. There’s also the legitimacy of Twitch as a career, helping a child launch a family-only YouTube channel, what OnlyFans might have meant at 18, the emotional decline from 32 to 35, the dopamine hit of fresh socks and undies, Justin Bieber’s disposable underwear habit and why not every pair of Calvin Kleins is apparently created equal. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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Had a Heart Attack and Still Got a Parking Fine

The Ned & Josh Podcast enters its new Tuesday and Thursday era before Ned wonders whether paternal instinct magically arrives with parenthood, a seven-year-old gets abandoned halfway up Mount Fuji, and an attempted Von Trapp compliment goes spectacularly badly. There’s also a serious examination of whether fur-lined Crocs can legally leave the house, the continuing hatred of Jamiroquai, and a bank that has spent 18 months trying to return a single cent. Elsewhere, parking inspectors manage to park Ned in, a heart attack victim somehow still ends up with a parking fine, and the boys nominate the glory days of social media, mobile phones, house parties and problematic rappers. Then comes the mystery of starting a budget when you have no money and the financial philosophy of a man capable of finding new income streams only to immediately spend them. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

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ANNOUNCEMENT TIME

The Ned & Josh Podcast is moving from three episodes a week to two, Producer Michael discovers he had absolutely no vote, and the Pod Pals are predicted to respond with complaints followed by reluctant support. There's an Eminem snare argument, a last-word rap karaoke app, a hunt for the right beat, the creation of MC Brewza, a disastrous first freestyle, accusations of blaming the tools, another attempt and a final declaration that Ned is ready for 8 Mile. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Ned Prepares for a Freestyle Rap Battle

What begins with Ned being caught texting turns into a discussion about knowing your intellectual limits, why conspiracy theories are appealing and the freedom Josh feels when somebody else is responsible for flying the plane. A viral prediction that gravity would stop working brings NASA, floating cars and an argument over anchored houses into the mix, while Josh’s first stretch alone at the office reveals he is considerably less comfortable when responsibility involves answering somebody else’s phone. Ned is now crafting custom Magic: The Gathering accessories and fears his furry bear deck box may have overshot the acceptable level of enthusiasm. Josh is meanwhile drinking raspberry lemonade with all the elegance of a small child, spaghetti mouth becomes an unexpected relationship test, and old memories surface about cordial, soft drink deliveries and protected supplies of Diet Coke. We finish with 8 Mile, Eminem’s performance anxiety, Josh’s professional wrestling experience, the baffling choice of pre-battle spaghetti and a freestyle rap challenge Ned may soon regret discovering. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Would Your Partner Wait 20 Years for You?

How much credit should two podcasters receive for making it more than 400 episodes before deliberately recording a fart? From there, Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gets linked back to Dunkirk, Penelope’s commitment is tested against modern relationship standards and Josh figures his unhinged names for the family dogs would expose any attempt to return home secretly. A bathroom emergency then leaves him literally sitting in darkness at work. The possibility of flight introduces fleshy bat wings and other anatomical horrors, Ian Thorpe receives a patriotic defence, and Josh prepares for negotiations over the PlayStation when the family changes houses. We discover Mark Zuckerberg is feeding cattle macadamia nuts, debate whether becoming one of those cows would actually be a decent lifestyle and acknowledge how quickly anti-billionaire principles crumble around luxury perks. Then there’s the Tiguan that apparently looks far too much like an undercover police car. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Why Do Marbles Look So Edible?

Should a mate visiting from interstate get your actual bed, or should a grown man be grateful there’s a couch available? That somehow leads into golf, drinking, questionable hosting plans and the broader problem of people having conversations so loudly in public that everyone nearby becomes an unwilling listener. A dog’s mysterious hatred of a baseball cap also threatens Josh’s lifelong belief that every animal should instinctively adore him. There’s a cottonmouth snake inside a football helmet, the universal terror of feeling something crawling beneath your clothes, and an important investigation into why marbles look more edible than most actual lollies. We revisit childhood soap biting, invent tooth soap, investigate Leonardo da Vinci’s unfinished inventions, develop an irrational fear of saying “six, seven”, struggle with incompatible TV tastes and ask why real-life murder documentaries are apparently easier bedtime viewing than The Sopranos. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Subscription Tracker Has Exposed Everything

Lenny’s elusive perfect scratch spot is finally discovered, a website full of “funny questions for colleagues” turns into an HR nightmare, and the economics of maintaining a secret second family somehow gets compared with streaming services. A child refusing to sit down brings an entire Canadian flight undone, airports cop some heat, and the Bobby subscription tracker reveals the horrifying reality of a $981 monthly subscription bill. Winter thongs spark an investigation into terrible feet, mangroves are accused of exposing far too much root, WikiFeet leads to the discovery of WikiHands, and Ned and Josh settle absolutely nothing while arguing over who has the better hands. There’s also survivorship bias confusion, Will Anderson fashion history, whales being much too large and a dog voice nobody should find reassuring. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Dobby's Grave Has Been Saved

Dobby fans have successfully defended a Harry Potter memorial from a major power cable, leaving the question of whether protecting a fictional grave counts as cultural preservation or simply moving infrastructure around some socks. Money-no-object staffing plans follow, with personal hair styling and full-time driving both making strong cases, before the complicated world of weddings enters the conversation. There’s a Wiggle among the wedding guests, the thankless job of being MC, speech length etiquette and one particularly risky sequence of jokes about marital infidelity. Law & Order supplies the magnificent name Speed Weed, a new kind of unofficial police warning is imagined, and school memories revive rubbish duty alongside “no hat, no play.” A Grim Reaper waving at hospital patients provides the darkest detour, while two golden retrievers finish proceedings by attempting to convince everyone that their perfectly real dinner was a shared hallucination. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Oreo x KFC Mashup is Evil

There’s a soon-to-be teenager planning a Spider-Man movie birthday, an Etsy purchase that feels suspiciously like graphic-design cheating and a plan to retaliate by entering the invitation business. Food collaborations are also under scrutiny, especially when KFC meets Oreo, cola-flavoured milk enters the conversation and chicken and waffles reveal a previously unknown fracture in a friendship. Avoiding a muddy puddle sparks an ageing crisis, Leonard delivers another expensive lesson about playing with dogs, a tailgater appears in the rain and Batman’s stealthy transport suddenly looks wildly irresponsible. Then Wordle, Framed and Wiki Trivia take over as the search for the perfect daily game continues. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Low-Flying Hot Air Balloons

The PlayStation that was brought in to entertain a child becomes a major distraction for one of the boys before a full-speed penny farthing creates what can only be described as a glitch in the matrix. That leads to an argument about recreational activities containing too much whimsy, from kite surfing to mysteriously low hot air balloons. Elsewhere, an Australian beagle eats an industrial quantity of jelly snakes, Golden Retrievers steal dangerously hot food, and a dead MacBook unexpectedly gives up 13 years of lost audio and video. The first Ned and Josh radio demo may now be released, personal admiration reaches a very low bar, and unfinished yearly goals involving weight loss, dog walks, Europe and skiing are placed under uncomfortable examination. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Is Barack Obama’s Summer Playlist Even Real?

The Ned and Josh School of Etiquette returns to investigate the strange logic behind “P’s and Q’s,” dangerous ways to pronounce thank you, and whether anyone has ever benefited from Auntie Cheryl’s manners lesson. Then Barack Obama’s annual music recommendations raise an important question: is he genuinely listening to Charli XCX, or is somebody curating coolness on his behalf? Elsewhere, a suspiciously long workplace break sparks a dispute over coworkers keeping score, Cosmos gets a surprise reassessment, and the comforting message that we are all connected is rejected for making nobody feel special. A passing police car completes the anxiety spiral and inspires an entirely new warning system. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

A Kangaroo Would Improve the Podcast

Josh has accidentally booked a ski weekend for the exact time his sister is due to give birth, leaving him to decide whether becoming a first-time uncle outranks fresh snow. Elsewhere, a hypothetical kangaroo enters the studio, Lenny briefly appears deceased, and a perfectly innocent trip to Rebel Sport becomes an identity crisis involving Frank Green lids, tennis equipment and unusually judgemental mannequins. There is also a tribute to childhood comfort toys, the extremely short life of an alien named William, an unfortunate connection to Ned’s alien tattoo, and a debate over whether anybody noticed the Commonwealth Games had started. The Olympics face the FIFA World Cup in a battle for sporting supremacy before Josh is tested on Corey Worthington, Play School, Dorothy the Dinosaur and his own mortality. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Do They Still Have 'Fluffers'?

The secret behind the podcast introductions is revealed, along with an unexpectedly detailed discussion about fluffers in the modern porn industry. A workplace fart inspires a live covering-up challenge, a car receives a luxurious winter blankie and young men are warned that nobody is fooled by their suspiciously cheap bed sheets. Social media appears to be serving location-specific negativity, even when the snow conditions are considerably better than advertised. Ned auditions to become Meta’s newest lobbyist, a shout at a dog on live television causes the Johnny Depp dog saga to return. There’s also an American healthcare form defeated by a long name, dangerous teacher surnames, a student who resembled his teacher and an attempted schoolyard burn that achieved absolutely nothing. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Accidental Blue Run of Doom

Creative accountability has gone too far as the listeners become demanding music executives and Michael is summoned back into the room. Pixar layoffs spark questions about Disney’s streaming model, the lost power of DVD purchases and whether HR needs plain stationery for especially grim announcements. There’s a successful switch from snowboarding to skiing, a blue run completed by mistake and a frightening descent past two unimpressed children. Michael’s break involved dog sitting, parental proof of life in Adelaide and a Rogue Traders performance. The fashion desk investigates surprise shoes, corporate dad accessories and the logic of dressing like a similar-looking celebrity. Steve Martin enters the lookalike conversation before a Facebook Marketplace grudge and an intoxicated Sade shirt exchange demonstrate the emotional cost of online bargaining. Follow us @nedandjosh

And That Lead to a Deal With Satan...

Someone else’s skip becomes an ethical battleground, getting older means surrendering treasured junk, and the Brewinkle family name receives the explanation it deserves. There is also a bald man with shampoo, a digital calendar designed for a dog and a minor car accident that causes human empathy to disappear remarkably quickly. Elsewhere, Ned confronts his childhood attraction to Spud from Bob the Builder, the origin of the word “mentor” is uncovered, Ned explains his hatred of cheerful construction workers, and an old letterbox explosion leads directly to Satan. The Vatican’s hacked prayer app then raises some deeply uncomfortable questions. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Mini-Cast: Was the EyeToy Better Than Junior Sport?

Merlin the Duck has somehow become one of the biggest stars of the World Cup without setting foot inside a stadium, and Ned and Josh spend a good chunk of this episode working out exactly why he's banned and whether he's at risk of spotting a relative on a dinner plate. From there it's straight into a review of the new Supergirl movie, with both hosts defending the leads against some harsher reviews online. Josh admits to an impulse-buying habit that saw him swap shopping centres just to dodge temptation before immediately failing anyway, landing on an RGB light as his latest unnecessary purchase. The episode wraps with a deep dive into a soggy rugby league clash, featuring a team name that might be the best in the competition. Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh