BusinessCareersEducationSelf-ImprovementExplicit

The Empowered Leader Podcast

Margaret Williams, MS, ACC

The Empowered Leader is a video podcast for women who have been marginalized, going beneath surface-level leadership advice to name the real tensions of leading inside systems not designed for them: visibility without backlash, authority without permission, and elevating your voice without self-erasure. Each episode interrogates power, bias, and leadership norms while offering a grounded perspective that clarifies what’s personal, what’s systemic, and where your voice and your choices still hold power.

substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com

Play

Open in

64 episodes
Avg 32 min
English

Episodes 64

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.

Yesterday · 14 min
[Encore] Shadow Work
What you refuse to look at doesn’t disappear. Trust and believe it just starts running things behind your back. Now, let me say this up front: I know “shadow work” sounds like something that comes with candles and hashtags. It’s not. Take away the packaging, and it’s one of the most practical disciplines a leader can have. The shadow is just this: every part of yourself you had to hide to be acceptable. The anger that got you labeled “too much.” The ambition that got you called selfish. The need that made you look weak. The softness that wasn’t safe to show. Now, did those parts die when you buried them? No, they did not. They went underground. And what’s underground doesn’t stay quiet it operates. You’ve seen it operate. That reaction that was three sizes too big for the moment. That colleague who irritates you way beyond anything she’s actually done. That cutting remark that came out of your mouth in your own voice and you thought, where did THAT come from? That’s the shadow. That’s the part of you working without your permission. Hear me on this: you buried those parts to survive rooms you’re not even in anymore. But buried is not gone. And unwatched is not harmless. What the Shadow Actually Is Every childhood home, every early job, every family sent the same message: this part of you is acceptable, that part is not. And you complied, because complying kept you safe. What got buried depended on the room you were in. For a lot of us women, it was the anger. The ambition. The appetite. The need to be taken care of. And here’s the part almost nobody tells you: the shadow holds treasure too. The boldness that got punished. The brilliance that made somebody uncomfortable. The big voice, the big vision, the shine buried right alongside the rage. Have you ever felt that sting of envy watching another woman take up room? That sting is a map. It’s pointing straight at something of yours that got buried alive. The shadow is not your worst self. It’s your whole self-edited by rooms that couldn’t handle it. How You Do the Work You don’t fix the shadow. You take it back the same way you’d take back any ground: you walk it, you map it, and you put it back under your command. Start with projection, because projection is free intelligence. The people who trigger you beyond reason are drawing you a map of what you buried. When she strikes you as arrogant, ask yourself: where am I not allowed to take up that much room? When his neediness disgusts you, ask: what did I do with mine? The rule is simple, and it’s humbling: if it just informs you, it’s about them. If it inflames you, it’s about you. Then track your ambushes. Every reaction that was bigger than the moment gets written down; same day, four lines, no editing: what happened, what I felt, what I did, what it touched. You’re not journaling just to journal. You’re gathering intelligence on yourself. And the patterns show up fast. Most women find the same two or three buried parts behind a decade of “overreactions.” Then talk to the part instead of punishing it. When the anger rises, before you shove it back down, ask it one question: what are you protecting? Anger is almost always guarding a boundary you were never allowed to have. Envy is guarding a desire you were never allowed to claim. The feeling is not the enemy. It’s the messenger. Shoot the messenger, and you lose the message. And do this on a schedule, not just in a crisis. Shadow work you only do when you’re bleeding is triage. Ten minutes with your log once a week? That’s patrol. And patrol is what keeps the ground lit. What You Get Back First, your energy. Suppression is expensive. You’ve been standing guard over those buried parts for decades, and you feel the cost as a tiredness you can’t explain. When a part comes home, the guard comes off the wall. Women tell me the same thing over and over: “I didn’t know how heavy that was until I put it down.” Second, the ambushes stop. A trigger you’ve mapped can’t run you. The anger still shows up — but it shows up as information, not possession. You get that half-second between feeling and action. And command lives in that half-second. Third, your full range. The recovered anger becomes the clean no. The recovered ambition becomes the ask you finally make. The recovered need becomes the ability to receive help without shame. And the recovered shine becomes the room you finally take up. Integration is not becoming somebody new. It’s getting all of yourself back. You’re not doing this work to become nicer. You’re doing it to become whole. And a whole woman is very hard to run. Helping Others Walk Theirs Now, if you lead, coach, or mother anybody, hear this: you cannot take another woman further than you’ve gone yourself. Her shadow will trip every wire in yours. If her anger scares you, you will teach her to suppress it politely, supportively, and completely. Your own work is your license for this work. There is no other credential. And when you do walk beside someone, remember you’re holding the lamp, not the shovel. You don’t dig, diagnose, or drag anybody into their dark. You ask the questions you’ve learned to ask yourself: What are you protecting? Who taught you that part was unacceptable? What would you do this week if that part were allowed? And then you do the hardest thing: you stay steady while she meets what she meets. Your calm in front of her buried parts is the loudest message that those parts can be faced. One more thing, and I mean this: never weaponize the map. The moment you use someone’s shadow against them in a conflict, a review, a family argument you’ve taught them the burial was correct. Read people to serve them, or don’t read them at all. Keep It Honest: The Leadership Piece Three things keep this work on the road. First: the shadow explains; it does not excuse. “That was my shadow” is a report, not a pardon. You still repair what your unwatched parts did. And then you do the work, so it doesn’t repeat. Accountability is what separates shadow work from a shadow alibi. Second: know your limits. Shadow work is for the ordinary buried parts: anger, need, ambition, shine. Where there’s real trauma in the ground, that’s work for a trained professional. And calling one in is not failure. It’s calling for the right unit. A good leader knows what her own kit can and cannot treat. Third: watch what you’re burying in other people. Every time you punish an emotion on your team visible frustration, open disappointment, ambition said out loud you’re giving the same order the old rooms gave you and building shadows on somebody else’s books. The integrated leader makes it safe to be whole in her presence. That’s the quiet revolution of this work: it stops with you. The Coaching Chair Come sit with me for a minute. And bring the person who irritates you the most just in your mind. She has work to do here too. Look at her honestly. What exactly is it the thing she does that you cannot stand? Say it plain. Too loud. Too needy. Too ambitious. Too soft. Now the harder question, and take your time with it: where does that same thing live in you owned, or buried? When was the last time you allowed yourself even an ounce of it? Now go further back. Who first taught you that part was unacceptable? What room? What face? What sentence? Notice that you were probably young. And notice that the burial worked — it kept you safe, liked, chosen. Thank that girl. She made the best decision she could with what she knew. Then tell her what she couldn’t have known back then: the war is over. The room has changed. The part she buried is allowed to come home now. One last thing before you get up: which buried part, if it came home this month, would change how you lead? That one. Start there. What part of you is still serving a sentence for something that was never a crime? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
Sunday · 11 min
Choose the Path That Lights You Up
Think about the last time you lost track of time doing your work. Not because you were behind. Because you were in it. The hours went somewhere, and you didn’t miss them. Now think about the last time a Sunday night sat on your chest like a weight. Both of those moments are giving you intelligence. One tells you where your energy lives. The other tells you where it’s being drained. Most of us were trained to listen to neither. What It Actually Is Choosing the path that lights you up isn’t chasing a feeling. It’s reading your own energy as data and letting it decide where you invest your life. Light is the signal that the work and the woman doing it are aligned. Your attention sharpens. Ideas come faster. Setbacks sting less, because they’re in service of something you care about. It isn’t the absence of hard work. This path will still ask everything of you. The difference is that it gives something back. How It Gets Withheld For a lot of us, the path was chosen before we ever got a vote. Take the stable job. Don’t make waves. Be grateful you’re in the room at all. If you came from a family, a community, or a workplace that told you your options were narrow, you learned to pick the path that kept you safe, not the one that kept you alive inside. Then the system reinforced it. The assignments that drew you in went to someone else. The work you were good at but never loved became the work you were known for. Every review rewarded you for staying in the lane you were placed in. Nobody had to forbid you from choosing. They just made every other option feel like a luxury you hadn’t earned. Why You, and Why It’s Not Weakness You may have been told that wanting work that lights you up is self-indulgent. Something for people with money, connections, or a safety net. Hear me on this. Wanting your energy back isn’t indulgence. It’s maintenance. A leader running on empty makes smaller decisions, tolerates more than she should, and stops seeing possibility for herself and for the people behind her. You can’t light the way for anyone from a place that’s gone dark. And you’ve already proven you can endure. Endurance was never the question. The question is what you’re enduring for. The Leadership Impact When you stay on a path that drains you, it leaks. Your team feels the flatness even if you never name it. Your patience runs shorter. You start managing tasks instead of leading people. And quietly, you teach everyone watching that this is what success costs. When you’re on a path that lights you up, the opposite happens. You bring ideas into the room, not just answers. People want to be near the work because you’re visibly in it. And the women coming up behind you see a different picture of leadership: not martyrdom, but alignment. Where you spend your energy sets the climate for everyone around you. How to Take It Back You take it back by paying attention, then acting on what you see. First, run an energy audit. For two weeks, at the end of each day, write down one thing that gave you energy and one thing that took it. Don’t analyze. Just record. Patterns show up faster than you’d think. Second, find the thread. Look at what lit you up and ask what those moments have in common. Teaching? Solving the hard problem? Building something from nothing? Advocating for someone without a voice? That thread is your direction, even if the job title doesn’t exist yet. Third, take one step you can stand behind. You don’t have to walk out of anything tomorrow. Volunteer for the project. Have the conversation with your manager. Enroll in the program. Choose one move that puts more of your time on the thread, and make it this month. The path doesn’t appear all at once. It appears one step at a time, and only after you start walking. What It Feels Like to Stand in It It feels like being awake. Mondays stop being something you brace for. You still get tired, but it’s the tired that comes from giving, not the tired that comes from leaking. Your voice gets steadier, because you believe what you’re saying. And it feels like freedom. Not because everything is easy, but because you chose it. A path you chose is a path you can own. From the Coaching Chair I worked with a leader I’ll call Carla. Senior program manager, twenty years in, respected by everyone, and completely flat. In our first session she told me she was fine. Good job, good pay, no complaints. Then she said, “I just don’t feel anything anymore.” I asked her to run the energy audit. Two weeks later she came back frustrated. Nearly every entry on the energy side was the same thing: the one hour a week she spent mentoring two new hires. Almost everything else landed on the drain side. She said, “That’s not a career. That’s a side thing.” I asked her who told her that. She was quiet for a long time. Then she said, “Nobody. I just never thought I was allowed to want it.” Over the next six months, she built the case for a role in talent development, pitched it, and got it. Same organization. Same pay grade. Different woman. “I feel like myself again,” she told me. Nothing about her talent changed. She just stopped treating her own light as optional. Final Reflection The path that lights you up was never a reward for finally being good enough. It was always yours to choose. You’ve spent years proving you can carry what was handed to you. You’re allowed to set some of it down and pick up what’s actually yours. Where does your energy rise, and what have you been telling yourself about why you can’t go there? And if no one had ever told you what you were allowed to want, what would you choose now? Closing This was Foresight. I see you. And I’ll see you next time. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
Friday · 12 min
[Encore] Turn Pain into Power
Let me ask you something. How much of your pain have you been carrying as evidence against yourself? Now ask yourself what would become possible if that same pain became the raw material of your leadership. That is the conversation we are having today. Pain is one of the most misunderstood forces in leadership. People tell you to push through it. To stay positive. To leave it at the door because feelings are not professional. But the kind of pain that actually serves you is not suppressed. Pain is wisdom that has not been claimed yet. It is the moment you stop treating your hardest experiences as disqualifications. And it is the doorway to the three things you have been quietly abandoning: your power, your purpose, and your voice. If you are a marginalized leader, you know this in your bones. You learned early that pain was something to hide. So you became composed. You buried the sting of being overlooked, interrupted, and underestimated. You performed resilience because falling apart was never an option. Those strategies kept you standing. But what you had to bury to stay composed is the very thing now keeping you from leading powerfully. You don’t need thicker skin. You need a different relationship to what your pain is actually telling you. Why It Matters Unexamined pain is a slow leak. And it drains the three things you can least afford to lose. Without transforming pain: • Your power weakens; you spend energy guarding wounds instead of leading from wisdom • Your purpose blurs; you avoid the rooms and conversations that once hurt you • Your voice shrinks; you self-edit so no one sees where you have been broken Take a breath and notice which one you have lost the most of. It looks like: • staying silent in meetings where your experience is exactly what is missing • overworking to outrun a failure no one else even remembers • avoiding the next risk because the last one left a scar • telling a polished version of your story that leaves out everything that made you strong When you lead from unexamined pain, you lease your leadership from avoidance. And avoidance always collects eventually. Every move you make to protect the wound rather than learn from it is built on a foundation of fear. You deserve a foundation made of hard-won wisdom. Ownership: This is where your power comes back Claimed pain changes how you lead. Not defensively. Deliberately. Leaders carrying this can say: • “My hardest seasons are credentials, not confessions.” • “I do not lead in spite of what I survived. I lead because of what it taught me.” • “I decide what my story means. No one else holds that pen.” Here is the part most leaders miss: your power is not built by proving the pain never touched you. It is built by demonstrating what you did with it. Teams do not trust leaders who seem untouched. They trust leaders who are unbroken in a way that was clearly earned. That is power. That is the kind that creates loyalty. Owning your story is not oversharing. It is authority. It tells every person you lead that setbacks are survivable, because you are standing there as proof. Alchemy: This is Where Your Purpose Comes Back Real transformation is internal alchemy. It means refusing to let pain remain a debt and insisting it become an asset. It sounds like: • “The thing that hurt me is the thing I am now equipped to change.” • “I am not responsible for what happened to me. I am responsible for what it becomes.” • “My scars are a map of where I can take others safely.” When you stop running from your pain, direction replaces drift. That is purpose. Not the abstract kind. The everyday kind. The purpose to mentor the person facing what you once faced. The purpose to change the system that wounded you instead of quietly enduring it. The purpose to choose work that matters because you know firsthand what is at stake. Alchemy is the end of the inherited contract that said your pain was yours to carry alone and in silence. That contract is over. Testimony: This is Where your Voice Comes Back, Yours and The People you Lead When one leader turns pain into power, something radical happens. The people around them are given permission to stop pretending. Other leaders realize: • “I do not have to hide my hardest chapters to be taken seriously.” • “Vulnerability with boundaries is strength, not exposure.” • “We can build cultures where struggle is spoken, and everyone can finally stop performing invincibility.” And then something most leaders forgot was possible begins to return, voice. Voice in the meeting where your lived experience changes the decision. Voice in the story you tell whole, not edited for comfort. Voice in the rooms that once silenced you, now steadier because you know exactly what you survived to get there. That is how personal transformation becomes cultural transformation. Leadership stops being a performance of perfection and starts being the practice of turning what happened into what happens next, and powerfully so. The Leadership Reality Most leaders are not struggling with pain because they are weak. They are struggling with pain because they were trained to hide it as a survival skill. You were taught to be: • strong but not struggling • honest but not too honest • resilient but never in need of recovery That is the reality. And it is also why so many capable leaders are exhausted from the daily labor of appearing untouched, and why their power has weakened, their purpose has blurred, and their voice has shrunk. If that is you, pause. You are not failing. You learned to bury your pain because that is what survival asked of you. And you are allowed to put it to work instead. Turning pain into power is not the absence of hurt. It is the refusal to let hurt have the final word on who you are. Closing Reflection Before you walk into your next challenge, sit with these three questions: • What pain am I still hiding that has quietly become the boundary of my leadership, and what is it costing my power? • What would change in my leadership today if I treated my hardest experience as my deepest qualification, what purpose would return? • What voice am I sacrificing by telling only the polished version of my story, and who is waiting to hear the whole one? The answers are not weakness. They are direction. The Final Truth You cannot lead with power while treating your past as a liability. You cannot find purpose while avoiding everything that ever hurt you. And you cannot speak with voice while editing out the chapters that made you. Your power is on the other side of owning what happened. Your purpose is on the other side of asking what it prepared you for. Your voice is on the other side of telling the story whole. Stop hiding your pain with the same energy you could be using to transform it. Then lead from there. That is the work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
Wednesday · 1 hr 2 min
A Shaman's View: Embracing Interconnectedness & Living Our Soul Path with Beth Shekinah
Guest Bio: Beth Shekinah Terrence Beth Shekinah Terrence is a shaman, holistic transformation facilitator, and recovery coach based in Annapolis, Maryland. She has more than 30 years as a holistic and wellness practitioner and 18 years as a practicing shaman, trained through a long traditional apprenticeship with shaman Ross Bishop. Beth holds a Master of Science in Restorative Practices and a bachelor’s degree in anthropology, psychology, and art history. She is a certified Feeding Your Demons® facilitator, a nationally certified peer recovery support specialist, and has just earned a certification in Karmic Constellations. Her work rests on one idea: disconnection is the greatest disease of our times, and connection is the medicine. Supporting details: * Other teachers: Rose Khalsa, Kupua Claudette Knox, Deanna Slate, and Herb Stevenson; Haumana (Huna) shaman training (2019). Ross Bishop is the author of Healing the Shadow. * Education: Graduate Certificate in Restorative Practices (IIRP); B.A. from SUNY Stony Brook; graduate study in anthropology at CUNY Hunter College. * Other certifications: Licensed Massage Therapist; Reiki Master; Bach Flower Registered Practitioner; Certified Zero Balancer; addiction counseling certificate. * Trainer: Authorized trainer for IIRP restorative practices courses, the SHINE mindfulness program, Mental Health First Aid, and recovery coaching programs. * Speaking: Way of Council; loving-kindness meditation for resilience; transforming your inner critic into your inner ally. She has spoken for NAMI Maryland, the Maryland Peer Summit, and national recovery conferences. * Writing: Contributor to Igniting Our Hearts & Souls; I’m Okay, Really!; Becoming Peace; Lost & Found: The Birth of Shaman; and Be Still (poetry).Guest Bio: Beth Shekinah Terrence * Signature line: “Our traumas and pain [are] lamp posts that are guiding us to where our inner work of transformation and healing lies.” "Connection is viewed as the 'medicine' needed for healing and transformation. Disconnection is "the greatest disease of our times." - Beth Shekinah Thank you Toni Sakoman, Diane, Mandy Ohman, Jolie, Leilani, Millie Jones-Cowles, and many others for tuning into my live video with Beth Shekinah 🪷! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 6 · 1 hr 1 min
Human Design in Midlife with Erica Voell
Guest Bio: Erica Voell Erica Voell is a Human Design guide for women in midlife. * Career: Children’s librarian for nearly 20 years; left in May 2025. She told you she spent her last five years there working out how to leave, and that COVID surfaced everything she had been denying. * Credentials: Certified Human Design Coach (Ignite Coach School); Certified Human Design Guide, Levels I and II (Erin Claire Jones / Human Design Genius); Certified Life Coach and Illuminator (Dragontree); Reiki Seichim Level 2 (Living Light Energy); Certified Breath Coach (YOGABODY). * Platforms: Unfolding: Connecting the Dots of Midlife with Human Design (Substack newsletter and podcast, ericav.substack.com); website ericavoell.com. * Her own design: Generator, 5/1 profile, emotional authority. Self-described practical problem-solver: “I’m sort of your practical person.” * Experience: Four years studying Human Design. She is 52 and in her Chiron return. * Recent work: Summer of Self-Love series (most guests outside the U.S.); spring series on trusting your voice; free Midlife + Human Design workshop; October weekly 30-minute workshops on the nine centers for paid members. If three people name the same gift in you, it’s not flattery. It’s data. Thank you Stephanie, Mandy Ohman, Florence Acosta, Shauna Rae and many others for tuning into my live video with Erica Voell! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 5 · 15 min
[Encore] Beware of the Covert Narcissist
The covert narcissist is loud. They take the room. They demand the spotlight. They are easier to spot. The covert narcissist does not announce themselves. They arrive humble. They arrive helpful. They arrive as the “safe” one in the room. They tell stories of being misunderstood. They mention how others have hurt them. They position themselves as the quiet, sensitive, deeply-feeling person You are lucky to have on your side. And by the time you realize The relationship has been a slow extraction You are already entangled. This is not a piece about diagnosis. It is a piece about pattern recognition. And about what your body has been trying to tell you For a long time. Why This Matters Most people miss the covert narcissist because they are looking for the loud one. They are looking for arrogance. Bragging. Bombast. Covert narcissism is overt narcissism with better marketing. It looks like: • the friend who is always supportive, until you succeed past them • the mentor who guides you toward their own visibility, not yours • the colleague who is humble in public and competitive in private • the partner who is gentle until you assert yourself • the family member who is generous with help that comes with hooks The covert narcissist does not announce themselves. They audition for the role of the safest person in the room. Their humility is the costume. Their need to be central is the body underneath. For marginalized leaders, especially, the covert narcissist is a particular danger. They gravitate toward people who are: • visible • capable • generous • trying to break new ground They use the language of allyship, mentorship, and support. They make themselves indispensable. They become entangled in your story until your wins begin to feel like betrayals to them. The cost is rarely visible early. It accumulates until you wake up one day and notice that your life has been quietly bent around the gravity of someone else’s fragile center. The Patterns Worth Watching This is not a checklist for diagnosis. It is a list of patterns to notice over time. The pattern is the proof, not any single moment. They sulk when you succeed. They do not say it directly. They go quiet. They withdraw warmth. They make a small comment that hurts more than it should. Your win became their wound. Their support has hooks. They help, but the help is collected. Later, when you assert yourself, the help is suddenly evidence of how much they have given you. It was never freely given. It was an investment. They tell every story with themselves at the center. Even when the story is yours. Even when the harm is yours. Even when the celebration belongs to someone else. The narrative always returns to their feelings, their effort, their experience. They use humility as a weapon. Self-deprecation that demands reassurance. False modesty that fishes for praise. “Oh, I’m sure I just did it wrong,” said until you correct them, twice. They never apologize cleanly. Apologies become a vehicle for re-centering themselves. “I’m sorry you felt that way.” “I’m just so sensitive; I take everything to heart.” “I am working on it. I’ve been through so much.” The apology is for them, not for you. Your body tells you something is off long before your mind does. You feel tired after seeing them. You feel small in their presence. You start performing for them without realizing it. You begin to question your own perceptions. If your wins make them sad, that is information. The Cost of Staying Entangled It shows up in the body: • a chest that braces around them • a tiredness that follows their texts • the chronic sense that you have done something wrong • a vague unsteadiness about your own perceptions It shows up in your story: • your wins begin to feel like risks • your boundaries begin to feel like cruelty • your truth begins to feel like an attack on them It shows up in your leadership: • decisions slowed because you anticipate their reaction • ideas softened because you are managing their fragility • a quiet self-erasure that no one in the room can see A covert narcissist costs you what you cannot easily measure: your unfiltered self. Visibility: Behavior changes over time, not vibes in a moment Do not rely on a single bad moment. Watch: • how they respond when you succeed • how they speak about you in your absence • whether their support is offered or invoiced • whether your truth is welcome when it does not center them • what happens when you say no, decline, choose differently If the pattern, over time, leaves you smaller The relationship is not nourishing you. It is metabolizing you. Leaders who can name what they see: • “I notice this happens every time I succeed.” • “I notice my wins always become about your feelings.” • “I notice your support arrives with conditions I did not agree to.” Stop being managed and start managing the dynamics on their own terms. A pattern is the portrait. One incident is just the brushstroke. Liberation: Trust your read Liberation begins when you stop arguing with what your body has been telling you for months. It sounds like: • “My read is allowed to be enough.” • “I do not need them to admit it for it to be real.” • “The pattern is the proof. I do not have to wait for a confession.” When you stop overriding your own perception, something opens in the body: The chest releases. The breath returns. You stop carrying a relationship you have been managing alone. You do not need a clinical diagnosis to recognize a cost. The cost itself is the diagnosis you need. Transformation: Limit access. Source your power elsewhere. The deepest move is not to confront the covert narcissist. It is to remove yourself from the dynamic. They cannot operate in your life without your continued participation. You do not have to: • explain • justify • prove the pattern • convince them they are doing it • get them to admit anything You only have to: • limit access • stop feeding the dynamic with your reactions • redirect your time, energy, and trust toward people whose support is unconditional and visible Confrontation is rarely useful with a covert narcissist. They will reframe it. They will become the wounded party. You will end up apologizing for noticing. Do not enter that arena. Distance is a complete sentence. You do not owe a covert narcissist an explanation. You owe yourself a different room. The Difference A friend supports you and is bigger when you grow. A covert narcissist supports you only when you stay smaller than they are. A friend celebrates your wins. A covert narcissist mourns them. A friend’s help is freely given. A covert narcissist’s help is collected. A friend can hear your truth. A covert narcissist will turn your truth into evidence of their suffering. Real support feels expansive. Covert extraction feels heavy, even when the words are kind. How to Protect Yourself 1. Stop overriding your read. Your body has been keeping the receipts. Listen. 2. Track behavior over time, not statements in a moment. They will say the right thing. Watch what they do over months. 3. Limit what you give them access to. Information is currency to a covert narcissist. Your wins, your fears, your strategy, your relationships. They do not need a full picture of your life. 4. Stop explaining yourself to them. Explanations are an opening for reframe. Your no does not require justification. 5. Build your room with people who do not need to be the center. Real allies celebrate from where they stand. They do not need to be more discerning, more wounded, or more humble than you In order to support you. You do not have to confront a covert narcissist. You only have to stop participating. Closing Reflection Whose support has been making me feel smaller? Whose presence requires me to manage their feelings more than I have ever asked them to manage mine? If I removed access from this person this week, What would my body do? Final Truth Beware the one who insists on being the safest person in the room. Beware of the help that arrives with invisible terms. Beware of the support that goes silent when you grow. You do not need permission to walk away. You do not need a confession to leave. You do not need a clinical label to honor what you have seen. Your body has known. Your discernment has been keeping receipts. Your read is allowed to be enough. Trust it. Limit access. Build your room with people who can be glad for you without making your gladness about them. That is how you protect The version of you that is still becoming. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 5 · 4 min
[Encore] Truth is a Leadership Discipline
Truth is not volume. Truth is not aggression. Truth is not emotional discharge. Truth is alignment between what I see, what I say, and how I lead. Most leaders do not struggle with ignorance. They struggle with avoidance. They see the misalignment. They sense the bias. They recognize the dysfunction. But they hesitate to name it. Truth requires courage, but more than that, it requires responsibility. Liberation: Truth With Yourself The first truth is internal. * Where am I misaligned? * Where am I tolerating what drains me? * Where am I performing instead of leading? * Where have I outgrown the role but not admitted it? Truth disrupts comfort. But without internal truth, leadership becomes performance. When I tell myself the truth, I reclaim clarity. And clarity restores authority. Visibility: Truth in the Room Truth spoken strategically changes power dynamics. * Naming impact instead of minimizing it. * Naming bias instead of internalizing it. * Naming expectations instead of assuming them. * Naming misalignment before it festers. Truth does not require hostility. It requires precision. If I dilute truth for palatability, I protect comfort over progress. Leadership demands I choose progress. Transformation: Truth That Shifts Systems Systems persist when truth is softened. * If the evaluation criteria are biased, say it. * If the culture rewards overwork, name it. * If a norm excludes people, challenge it. Truth is not about shaming individuals. It is about exposing patterns. When patterns are visible, they become movable. The Risk and the Reward Truth will cost you something. Comfort. Approval. Ease. But silence costs more. Erosion. Resentment. Stagnation. Truth, practiced consistently, builds credibility. People may resist it in the moment. But they trust leaders who operate from alignment. The Bottom Line Truth is not reactive. It is disciplined clarity. It is the refusal to pretend. It is the decision to lead from reality, not illusion. Truth liberates internally. Truth strengthens visibility. Truth drives transformation. And when truth becomes your operating standard do not need to raise your voice. Your alignment speaks. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 4 · 4 min
[Encore] Haters Are Secret Admirers
Haters are often misunderstood. Not every critic is a hater. And not every hater is as detached as they appear. More often than not, what looks like negativity is attention. Focused attention. People rarely invest energy in what is irrelevant to them. They watch. They comment. They react. That is not indifference. That is engagement, misdirected. Liberation: Seeing It Clearly The first shift is internal. You stop personalizing every negative response. Not all criticism is about you. Sometimes it reflects: * insecurity * comparison * unspoken desire * discomfort with your visibility When you understand this, you stop shrinking. You stop adjusting your direction to accommodate reactions that were never meant to guide you. Visibility: Understanding What It Reveals Attention reveals influence. If no one is watching, no one is reacting. So, when criticism appears, it often signals something else: You are visible. You are moving. You are creating a response. That matters. Because leadership does not exist in silence. It exists where there is movement, perspective, and sometimes tension. The question is not: Why are they reacting? The better question is: What does this say about my level of visibility? Transformation: Choosing Your Response This is where discipline matters. You do not react to every voice. You do not defend every position. You do not engage every opinion. You choose. You filter: * What is useful * What is noise * What requires response * What requires none You remain focused on the work. Not the commentary. Because reacting to everything will pull you off course. Integration: The Leadership Reality Here is the reality: If you are leading, you will be seen. If you are seen, you will be judged. If you are judged, you will be challenged. That is part of visibility. The goal is not to eliminate criticism. The goal is to remain grounded in it. You do not measure your direction by reaction. You measure it by alignment. Because those who criticize from the sidelines are still watching. And often, What looks like resistance is attention that hasn’t found its voice yet. Closing Reflection Where am I allowing outside reaction to influence my direction? What feedback is useful—and what is simply noise? Am I staying aligned, or adjusting to be accepted? Anchor: I stay focused, not distracted by noise. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 3 · 4 min
[Encore] Be the Villain in Everyone’s Story
At some point, you will be misunderstood. You will make a decision that someone doesn’t like. You will set a boundary that someone disagrees with. You will choose a direction that doesn’t benefit everyone. And in their version of the story, You become the villain. Not because you’re wrong. But because you didn’t align with their expectation. Liberation: Releasing the Need to Be Liked Many people hold themselves back, trying to avoid this. They soften their decisions. They over-explain. They delay action. All to protect how they are perceived. But leadership cannot be built on approval. The moment you accept that you will not be liked by everyone You stop negotiating with your own clarity. You stop adjusting your direction to avoid discomfort in others. Visibility: Owning How You Show Up Once you release the need to be liked, something becomes clear. Your decisions become visible. Your standards become known. Your boundaries become real. And with visibility comes reaction. Some will agree. Some will not. But at least it is clear where you stand. Because leadership is not about being accepted by everyone. It is about being understood, clearly. Transformation: Standing Firm Without Justification This is where discipline is required. You make the decision. You communicate it clearly. You hold it, without over-explaining. Not every reaction requires a response. Not every disagreement requires correction. You stay grounded. You stop trying to rewrite how others interpret you. Because you can control your actions, not their perception. Integration: The Leadership Reality Here is the reality: If you lead, someone will disagree. If you set boundaries, someone will be uncomfortable. If you choose alignment, someone will not benefit. And in their story, You may not be the hero. That is not failure. That is leadership. Because your responsibility is not to be liked. Your responsibility is to be clear. To be aligned. To act with integrity. And to accept that not everyone will agree with it. That becomes your posture. Not approval-seeking. Not defensive. But grounded, clear, and steady. Closing Reflection Where am I still trying to be liked instead of being clear? What decision am I softening to avoid discomfort in others? Am I willing to be misunderstood in order to remain aligned? I choose alignment over approval. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 2 · 4 min
[Encore] Boss Up
Insight: Boss Up Stop waiting. Start leading yourself. Let’s get straight to it. “Boss up” gets thrown around a lot. People say it like it’s motivation. But most of the time, it’s just words. Because real “bossing up” has nothing to do with talking. It has everything to do with how you show up. What “Boss Up” Actually Means It’s not about titles. It’s not about status. It’s not about acting tough. Bossing up is self-leadership. It’s making decisions. Taking ownership. Holding yourself accountable. Doing what needs to be done—whether you feel like it or not. No hype. Just discipline. Where People Get It Wrong People think “boss up” means: * Acting confident * Posting about goals * Talking about what they’re going to do * Looking the part But behind that? No consistency. No follow-through. No accountability. That’s not leveling up. That’s performing. What Bossing Up Looks Like It’s simple—but it’s not easy. * You do what you said you were going to do * You stop making excuses * You make decisions instead of delaying them * You take responsibility for your results * You handle what you’ve been avoiding You don’t wait to feel ready. You move anyway. Characteristics of Someone Who Has Bossed Up * They’re consistent—not just when it’s convenient * They follow through—no matter what * They hold their own standards * They don’t need reminders or pressure * They take ownership—good or bad They don’t talk about it. They demonstrate it. Warning Signs You Haven’t Bossed Up Yet Let’s be honest. * You keep saying what you’re going to do—but don’t do it * You blame circumstances or other people * You start—but don’t finish * You avoid what’s uncomfortable * You wait for motivation * You know what needs to happen—but delay it That’s not lack of ability. That’s lack of ownership. The Leadership Reality Before you lead anything—or anyone—you have to lead yourself. If you can’t: * Stay consistent * Follow through * Hold your own standards Then it doesn’t matter what title you have. Because leadership starts with self-discipline. People don’t follow words. They follow behavior. The Shift Stop saying: “I need to get it together.” Start asking: “Where am I not showing up the way I already know I should?” That answer? That’s where you start. What This Looks Like in Real Life * Do the thing you keep putting off * Make the decision you’ve been avoiding * Stop negotiating with your standards * Finish what you start * Hold yourself accountable—every time No shortcuts. No excuses. Real Talk I’ve seen people with all the potential in the world stay stuck. Not because they couldn’t do it. Because they wouldn’t hold themselves to it. And I’ve seen others with less experience move forward fast. Why? Because they showed up. Consistently. No excuses. That’s the difference. Closing Reflection Bossing up isn’t a moment. It’s a decision you make—over and over again. Because the truth is: You don’t become a boss by saying it. You become one by how you operate. So here’s the real question: “Where do I need to stop talking—and start showing up?” “Boss up isn’t talk—it’s discipline.” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 2 · 10 min
Awareness vs. Intuition
One tells you what’s true. The other tells you when to move. You walk into the meeting, and something’s off. Nobody says anything. The agenda hasn’t changed. But the room is quieter than it should be, and the person who always talks first is staring at her laptop. A few days later, a different moment. An offer lands in your inbox. On paper, it’s everything you asked for. And something in you says, not this one. You can’t explain it. So you say yes anyway. Those are two different instruments. Most of us were never taught to tell them apart. The first is awareness. The second is intuition. Confuse them, and you’ll either freeze when you should move or jump when you should look. What Awareness Is Awareness is seeing what is actually in front of you. Not what you hoped. Not what you were told. What’s there. It works from evidence: behavior, patterns, and the gap between what people say and what they do. Its question is simple: What is actually happening right now? Awareness slows you down just enough to notice the shift in the room, catch your own reaction before it starts driving, and see the pattern everyone else keeps walking past. What Intuition Is Intuition is what you know before you can prove it. It isn’t magic, and it isn’t a mood. It’s years of experience compressed into a single signal. Every room you’ve read. Every person who turned out to be exactly who you suspected. Your mind did the math faster than you could show your work. Its question: Given everything I know, what’s right here, even if I can’t explain it yet? Intuition speeds you up when time is short, the information is incomplete, and you’ve seen this pattern before. Awareness checks reality. Intuition guides action. Why We Learned to Distrust Both Here’s the part nobody says out loud. Many of us were trained to second-guess ourselves. Notice something in the room, and you’re “too sensitive.” Act on a read you can’t prove yet, and you’re “emotional” or “not a team player.” Meanwhile, someone else says “I’ve got a feeling about this” and it gets called leadership instinct. So we learned to gather evidence for things we already knew, and to hold back until someone else confirmed them. That isn’t caution. It’s a tax. And it’s one you’re allowed to stop paying. Where It Goes Wrong Calling emotion intuition. Fear, bias, and old wounds all feel like intuition. They’re loud, urgent, and certain. Real intuition is usually quieter. It doesn’t panic. It just knows. Without awareness to check it, a gut feeling can be an old fear in a new outfit. Hiding behind awareness. The other mistake looks responsible. One more data point. One more meeting. One more opinion. You see everything, question everything, and act on nothing. That isn’t awareness. It’s avoidance with good manners. The Check-In Bringing the two together isn’t a technique. It’s a habit you build through the three pillars. Visibility: catch it in the moment. Before a decision that matters, take one breath and ask yourself two things. Am I reacting, or am I observing? Is this knowing, or is this fear? The pause is small. What it protects is not. Liberation: know your signals. Pay attention to how clear seeing feels in your body, and how real knowing feels. Then notice how both differ from fear. Fear tightens and rushes. Knowing settles. If you can’t tell them apart, you’ll misread all three. Transformation: act, then learn. Ground yourself in what you can see. Move on what you know. Then look back at how it turned out. Every time you check a read against the result, both instruments get sharper, and your trust in yourself gets earned instead of borrowed. Integration: The Leadership Reality Strong leaders don’t pick one. They discipline both. They see clearly, trust the read, test it, and move. * Your team is reading you, too. When you act on intuition, name what you noticed: “I can’t prove it yet, but here’s what I’m seeing.” That gives people a reason to follow you that isn’t blind faith, and it teaches them their own reads are allowed. * Make room for other people’s reads. The quiet woman who says “something feels off” is often the earliest warning you’ll get. Don’t make her prove it before you listen. * A read is not a verdict. Intuition tells you where to look. Awareness tells you what you found. Stay willing to be wrong, and you’ll be wrong far less often. The Coaching Chair Let’s sit with this for a moment. Think of a time you knew. Before anyone said a word, you knew: about the job, the person, the deal. Don’t go to the panic. Go to the knowing. Notice how steady it was. Now think of a time you overrode it. Listen for what you told yourself back then, and whose voice that really was. For a lot of the women I work with, it wasn’t theirs. It was a teacher, a parent, a manager, a room that taught them to wait. You don’t have to choose between being clear-eyed and being decisive. You’ve been both all along. You just stopped giving yourself credit for it. Where in your life do you already know, and are still waiting for permission to act? Final Reflection Clarity comes from awareness. Momentum comes from intuition. Mastery comes from using both, on purpose. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 1 · 7 min
Encore: As The Black Sheep & The Scapegoat
Insight This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
October 1 · 5 min
Encore: Friendship
Friendship is often assumed, but it should be understood because what many people call friendship is not friendship at all. The difference matters. What friendship is. Friendship is aligned. It is built on trust, consistency, and mutual respect. It shows up without conditions. A real friend tells you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. Support your growth even when it changes the dynamic. Respect your boundaries without resistance. Friendship is steady. It does not require performance. It does not shift based on convenience. It does not compete with your progress. It creates space for honesty, not just comfort. What friendship is not. Friendship is not proximity. Just because someone is present doesn’t mean they are aligned. It is not History. Time alone does not create depth. Shared experiences do not guarantee trust. It is not convenience. Someone showing up only when it benefits them is not consistency and it is not controlled. If you have to shrink, explain, or adjust yourself to maintain the relationship. That is not friendship. That is maintenance. The difference. Friendship supports who you are becoming. Misaligned connections hold you to who you were. Friendship brings clarity. Misalignment creates confusion. Friendship is mutual. Misalignment is often one-sided. Friendship respects your direction. Misalignment, resist it. Liberation, recognizing the truth. Not everyone around you is a friend. Some are familiar, some are convenient, some are conditional. The moment you realize the difference, you stop forcing connections. Where alignment is missing. Visibility. Seeing relationships clearly, you begin to see who is consistent, who is supportive, who respects your growth and who does not. No assumptions, no excuses, just clarity. Transformation, choosing alignment. You stop holding on out of habit. You start choosing based on alignment. You protect your time; you protect your energy. You become. Intentional about access, not from emotion. From clarity. Integration, the leadership reality here is the reality. The people around you will either reinforce your growth or quietly limit it. Friendship is not about who has been there the longest. It is about who remains aligned as you grow, because who you surround yourself with will shape how you think, decide, and lead. Closing reflection: Where have I mistaken familiarity for friendship? Who is aligned with who I am becoming and who is not? What relationships am I maintaining that no longer reflect my standards? I choose alignment over familiarity. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 30 · 7 min
Encore: Fake People and How to Win
Spotting fake people gets confused with being suspicious. Being cynical. With being hard. So, leaders override the chill in the chest In the name of being open. In the name of being generous. In the name of being a team player. And then they pay for it. In time. In energy. In opportunities given to people who never planned to give anything back. This isn’t paranoia. This is leadership discernment. Why This Matters Fake people don’t announce themselves. They show up smiling. They use the right words. They post the right things. But under pressure, the mask slips. Under benefit, the mask comes off. Under cost to them, the relationship disappears. By the time you can name it, you have spent months giving your access, your strategy, your trust, your time to someone who was never moving in the same direction as you. The cost of misreading fake is not embarrassment. It is your trajectory. For marginalized leaders, especially, this read has been weaponized against you. You sense something is off. You raise it. And you are told: • “You are being too sensitive.” • “Give them the benefit of the doubt.” • “You don’t have evidence.” You were taught to override your own discernment to keep someone else comfortable. But the body has been keeping receipts. Liberation: Trust your read Liberation is the moment you stop arguing with what you already know. The chill in the chest is data. The hesitation is data. The second time their words don’t match their eyes is data. It sounds like: • “Something is off, and I am going to honor that.” • “I do not have to prove what I already feel.” • “I trust the pattern more than the performance.” When you stop overriding your own read, something settles in the body: the shoulders soften. the chest opens. You stop carrying a relationship that was never reciprocal. Discernment is not paranoia. It is protection. Visibility: Watch what they do, not what they say Real people and fake people use the same words. The difference shows up in behavior. Watch: • Who shows up when there is nothing in it for them. • Who advocates when you are not in the room? • Who follows through when it costs them something. • Who sends the email after, not just the smile during. Words are the wrapping. Behavior is the gift. Real people lean in. Fake people lean back. Real people sponsor. Fake people spectate. Real people speak your name in rooms you are not in. Fake people repeat what you said and forget where it came from. Watch what they do when there is nothing in it for them. That is who they are. Transformation: Source your power elsewhere The deepest move is not to expose fake people. It is to outgrow needing them. When you keep proving yourself to someone who is performing, you are running on a track they built. The win is to step off the track. Move your time. Move your trust. Move your strategy. Move your access. Toward the people who actually move with you. Other leaders begin to notice: • “She doesn’t argue. She just leaves.” • “Her energy stopped going where it wasn’t returned.” • “She built her room with people who actually showed up.” That’s how personal discernment becomes a culture of integrity. Sustained alignment is the loudest answer. You don’t have to fight the performance. You just stop being the audience. The Difference Fake leans on you. Real leans in with you. Fake performs in public. Real shows up in private. Fake takes credit. Real makes room. Fake says they are excited for you. Real does something about it. One spends your capacity. The other multiplies it. Closing Reflection Whose words have I been believing that their behavior has not earned? What relationship have I been carrying alone? If I trusted my body’s read, who would I stop investing in this week? Final Truth: How to Win You do not win by exposing them. You do not win by confronting them. You do not win by becoming hard. You win by becoming so anchored in your own truth that their performance is no longer relevant in your direction. You win by spending your time, your access, and your trust on people whose behavior matches their words. You win by trusting your read. Don’t argue with a performance. Walk away from the stage. And build your room with people who actually move with you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 29 · 4 min
Encore: Redemption
Redemption is often misunderstood. People think it’s about being forgiven. Or starting over. It’s not. Redemption is about what you choose after you’ve seen clearly. And once you see clearly You don’t get to go back to not knowing. What Redemption Is Redemption is a decision. Not a feeling. Not a moment. A decision to stop repeating What you now recognize isn’t aligned. It shows up when you: * take ownership without deflecting * stop justifying what you know isn’t right * choose differently, even when it costs you Redemption is not about perfection. It’s about alignment after awareness. What Redemption Is Not Redemption is not an apology alone. It’s not words without change. It’s not “I know better” without doing better. And it’s not waiting for someone else to validate your growth. If nothing changes There is no redemption. There is only recognition without action. The Reality Most People Avoid Seeing the truth is uncomfortable. Because once you do, You are responsible for what comes next. And that’s where most people stop. They acknowledge. They reflect. But they don’t change. Awareness without action is avoidance. Liberation: Owning Without Defending Redemption starts here. Not in explaining. Not in defending. But in owning. Without minimizing. Without shifting blame. Liberation is when you stop protecting the version of you that created the misalignment, and start taking responsibility for who you are now. Visibility: Seeing Clearly Without Distortion You don’t rush this part. You look honestly at: * what happened * your role in it * what needs to change No excuses. No rewriting the story. Just truth. Because clarity is what makes change possible. Transformation: Choosing Differently This is where redemption is proven. Not in what you say But in what you do next. You make different decisions. You hold a different standard. You stop repeating the same patterns. And over time Your actions tell a different story. Integration: The Reality Here is the truth: * Without liberation, you stay defensive * Without visibility, you distort what happened * Without transformation, nothing changes And redemption never actually occurs. Because redemption is not about what you feel. It’s about what you consistently choose after you know better. Closing Reflection What do I know now that I didn’t act on before? Where am I still explaining instead of changing? What would it look like to fully own and move differently? Final Truth Redemption is not given. It’s demonstrated. Not once. But over time. Through choices that reflect who you’ve decided to become. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 28 · 1 hr 23 min
Are We Unique? with Lisa Joy
Thank you Chris Resists, julie elder, Elder is the New Black Podcast, Carrie Loranger, Jason Gael, julie elder, Millie Jones-Cowles, RLM, Lynette’s Substack Savio P. Clemente and many others for tuning into my live video with Lisa Joy 🏳️‍🌈! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 25 · 1 hr 10 min
Beginnings, Endings, and the Creative Life
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 23 · 1 hr 55 min
Reinvention Before & After Retirement
Taking about how reinventing ourselves is essential to becoming our best selves This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 21 · 1 hr 35 min
How Do I Leave the World Better with Shauna Rae
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe
September 19 · 1 hr 40 min
Primal Scream Friday
Thank you Will Fullwood, Savio P. Clemente, Nabanita, Sharon Rousseau, RLM, and many others for tuning into my live video with Walter Rhein! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

Showing 1–20 of 64 episodes