Soul Gum

Victoria Hutchins

A self-development podcast with philosophical, psychological and literary flair hosted by Victoria Hutchins, the creator of @thedailyvictorian and nationally bestselling author of MAKE BELIEVE. Episodes every other Sunday.

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S3 · E9
Sunday · 37 min
The Spiritual Girl's Guide to the Holidays
You spend all year working on non-attachment, mindfulness, and conscious consumption. And then it’s the holidays, and suddenly you're fighting for your life at the family dinner table and contemplating buying a $70 candle as a stocking stuffer. Welcome to the spiritual girl's guide to the holidays: a three-part survival guide for enjoying the magic of the season without losing your mind, your money, or your sense of self. Along the way, we’ll talk about the history of Christmas consumerism, what bell hooks can teach us about our relationship with luxury and material things, and the strange psychological phenomenon of holiday regression. I also share a low-consumption holiday gift guide full of thoughtful, thriftable, and DIY ideas. If you want the holiday magic without the interpersonal chaos, financial ruin, and return of your teenage coping mechanisms, I made this episode for you. PS: If you want the PDF version of the gift guide, go to this link to give me your email and I’ll send it to you!!! EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: the spiritual girl's guide to the holidays 05:52 1. Holiday regression: why going home makes you feel 16 again 07:25 How to make a plan for boundaries & weird conversations 12:12 2. The holiday spending spiral: the history of Christmas consumerism 15:20 How to give more thoughtful gifts 16:14 Low-consumption holiday gift guide: DIY, thrifted & meaningful gifts 21:27 bell hooks on beauty, luxury & conscious consumption 22:54 Extremely specific tips for mindful spending 25:49 Living the aesthetic you want to buy 27:00 3. How to stay grounded when your routines fall apart 31:39 10 journaling prompts for the holiday season 36:13 Closing poem: December by Hannah Rosenberg EPISODE LINKS ADD YOUR EMAIL HERE TO GET A WRITTEN VERSION OF THE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E8
October 25 · 34 min
How to Prepare for the Best Year of Your Life
The best year of your life doesn't start on January 1. It starts with what you do before the year begins. Today, I come to you with three things you can do right now to prepare for 2027 to be the best year of your life. I know it’s still October, but every year we lose our collective minds from November until January. And soon it will be New Year’s Eve and we’ll be trying to make our vision boards without having given any thought to the actual vision. SO: we’re getting a head start on preparing for 2027 before the holiday chaos hits with 3 audits that will help you get clear on what you want, what's holding you back, and how you actually want to live. Along the way, we're talking about why we're so bad at estimating how much we can get done in a day, why being harder on yourself might actually be holding you back, what the Stoics (the original chads) can teach us about new year’s resolutions, and how to chase your biggest dreams without wishing away the life you're living. PS: I made you a free worksheet to walk you through all three audits! It's got all the questions we talk about in this episode and space to work through them yourself. Find it here!! EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro + why we’re starting before January 1 06:40 Audit #1: the levels of energy audit 07:36 How to make an energy ledger 10:02 The energetic evolution of choices 12:32 Epictetus on how to handle temptation 14:02 Reflection questions to audit your energy 14:44 Audit #2: the promise audit 16:26 Why shaming yourself doesn’t work 18:01 The planning fallacy 20:25 How to actually plan your day accurately 21:57 Intentions are not plans 23:08 Procrastination as a coping method 24:54 Audit #3: the perfect day audit 26:17 How to design your perfect mundane day 27:08 My perfect day 29:12 Comparing your ideal day to reality 29:57 Loving your current self while working to meet your next self 30:46 lightning round recap + worksheet! 33:48 The Orange by Wendy Cope EPISODE LINKS GET THE FOLLOW-ALONG WORKSHEET HERE My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E7
October 11 · 39 min
How to Become Unbotherable
We all have that one person who can ruin our day in less than 30 seconds. Why is it so hard to stay in our values around certain people? And how do we stop giving them so much power? In this episode, we're turning to the 19th-century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche for five lessons on dealing with difficult people, navigating conflict, and becoming unbotherable. If you've ever let a five-minute interaction ruin your entire week, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE - NIETZSCHEAN PRINCIPLES FOR BECOMING UNBOTHERED 00:00 Intro 9:13 1. Navigating other people’s opinions of you 14:50 2. Let them misunderstand 21:01 3. “They muddy the water to make it seem deep” 24:30 4. Are you actually keeping the peace? 31:10 5. Knowing when to walk away 35:40 Lightning round recap 38:08 Help keep Soul Gum ad free 39:05 To Take Back a Life by Kate Baer EPISODE LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E6
September 27 · 33 min
The 6 Levels of Living a Meaningful Life
According to the existentialists, the core problem of being human is this: we are meaning-seeking creatures in a universe that is silent on meaning. But somehow, we're supposed to figure out what to major in, who to marry, and what to do with the approximately 30,000 days we get to be alive. In this episode, we walk through six levels of living a meaningful life as described by Simone de Beauvoir in her 1947 work The Ethics of Ambiguity, moving from brainrotten aimlesness to a life driven by purpose. If you want to live a life that feels meaningful but have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing with it, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: THE 6 LEVELS OF LIVING A MEANINGFUL LIFE (according to 20th century existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir) 00:00 Intro 04:57 1. The sub-man 10:13 2. The serious man 14:17 3. The nihilist 16:43 4. The adventurer 22:06 5. The passionate man 24:10 6. The compassionate person 26:27 but btw life isn’t a ladder 27:51 Reflection questions 30:20 Lightning round recap 32:07 When Death Comes by Mary Oliver MY LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E5
September 13 · 41 min
Habits of Highly Charismatic People
The manosphere wants you to think charisma is all about dominance and control. But what if it’s actually about deep presence and social courage? I don’t want to be like the guy who uses scarce communication to hide his lack of depth and fear of commitment. I want to be like the people who make you feel cool just by talking to them, while radiating charisma themselves. If you’ve ever wondered why some people can have fun talking to literally anyone, struggled to know what to say when someone asks you a question, or wished you were more comfortable saying what you actually think, this episode is for you. In today’s episode, we unpack 5 habits of highly charismatic people, from what they say when they’re getting to know someone to how they navigate disagreements. Along the way, we’ll talk about what we can learn from Socrates about swag, dive into the science of answering any question well, and use Byung-Chul Han’s concept of “the smooth” to investigate how we can stay raw and real in a world that tries to sand our edges. EPISODE OUTLINE: HABITS OF HIGHLY CHARISMATIC PEOPLE 00:00 Intro 07:14 1. How to ask better questions 08:18 The science of how asking questions makes people like you 10:18 The power of follow-up questions 13:41 2. How to answer any question without freezing 14:37 The scary thing no one tells you about writing a book 17:11 Why your mind goes blank when someone asks you a question 18:03 The secret to answering questions with ease 20:21 The link between storytelling and charisma 22:40 3. Stop performing agreement in conversations 23:18 What is backchanneling? 23:59 Upspeak, confidence, gender, and the way we talk 26:05 Should we actually backchannel less? 28:58 4. How charismatic people handle disagreement 30:27 What Socrates can teach us about intellectual humility 32:14 5. Stop treating human connection like a formula 33:36 Byung-Chul Han and “the smooth” 36:13 Btw you’re not a chad for wanting to be loved 39:04 Lightning round recap 40:44 Poem: Small Kindnesses by Danusha Laméris MY LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E4
August 31 · 41 min
How to Plan Your Fall to Change Your Life
Pumpkin spice apologists wya? It’s the great lock in Charlie Brown!!!!! In this episode, I’m walking you through the exact five-step seasonal planning system that dramatically changed my life a few years back. Along the way, we’ll dive into the philosophy and psychology behind why it works. We’ll talk through Nietzsche’s philosophy on habits, Simone de Beauvoir’s ideas on how to reconcile your past and future selves, the planning fallacy, and more. Whether you want to change the trajectory of your life this fall or just set up some systems to make life a little less chaotic, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: HOW TO PLAN YOUR FALL TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 00:00 Intro 06:21 I made you a worksheet ◡̈ 09:30 STEP 1: THE AUDIT 10:36 Facticity vs. transcendence (de Beauvoir) 11:11 The importance of considering both your past and your potential 12:55 Using self-distancing to self-reflect more effectively 13:31 How to audit your goals 14:56 How to audit your execution 18:24 STEP 2: THE PURGE 19:07 The paradox of choice Cleaning out digital and physical worlds 22:15 Choice architecture 25:15 STEP 3: THE CHOICE 25:55 The planning fallacy 27:54 Optimism bias & why overplanning feels good 29:00 STEP 4. THE TRADE OFF 31:25 Nietzsche’s on the power of “brief habits” 33:10 STEP 5. THE TIME 34:33 Temporal landmarks and why they make you more likely to achieve goals 35:44 the fresh start effect 36:05 Kairos: the opportune moment 37:28 Leaving room for life inside our lives 38:13 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS Get instant access to the fall planning worksheet HERE. NOTE: If you can't find it in your email, search "YOUR FALL PLANNING WORKSHEET" in your email inbox! It is likely hiding in the Social or Promotions tab. My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
S3 · E3
August 16 · 27 min
The Possibility Crisis of Your Late 20s
If your early twenties are for your Sylvia Plath fig tree allegory crisis, then your late twenties are for your Joan Didion Goodbye to All That crisis. In her famous 1967 essay, Didion writes, “That was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.” This episode explores a strain of existential dread that often shows up in your late twenties: the possibility crisis. Sometimes it hits you after capital-S Something happens. A bad break up, a wounding professional failure, or a friendship ending that felt like betrayal. Other times, there is no one defining moment or incident. You just realize one day that you are no longer as bright eyed, bushy tailed, or hopeful as you used to be, and can’t put your finger on why. Using Didion’s Goodbye to All That as our guide, we break down three key signs you might be experiencing a possibility crisis and what it might be trying to teach you. Along the way, we talk about how to cope with the realization that certain doors really do close, what to do when new people stop feeling full of promise, and how to let go of the fantasy that someday you’ll magically know what you’re doing. Consider this episode a field guide on the strange grief of growing up. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:23 What made Joan Didion great? 05:13 Signs of a Goodbye to All That crisis 05:46 1. You realize future you is just you 07:41 Weird girl money 08:22 The 90s’ overly adult depiction of your 30s 10:41 2. You stop believing in new faces 11:32 Hope springs eternal on Love Island 12:09 Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first 12:58 POV you’re 28 & have met every person alive 13:55 3. Some doors are actually closing 14:52 The first time I felt a door close 16:14 When the doors start slamming left & right 17:03 It’s easy to see beginnings and harder to see ends 18:54 Perspective shifts that got me out of this crisis 19:29 1. Idk what I’m doing but neither does anyone else 20:59 2. Trust means more when it’s a choice not an instinct 21:45 3. On “it’s never too late” 22:27 Possibility must be unactualized to exist 23:10 The U-shaped happiness curve 23:55 Has the internet made the possibility crisis start earlier? 24:28 Socioemotional selectivity theory 25:25 The happy ending Joan Didion doesn’t tell you EPISODE LINKS ⁠My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠ Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
S3 · E2
August 2 · 30 min
Rituals for De-Internalizing the Male Gaze
Be honest: do you ever perform for no one? Do you spectate your own life instead of living it? Have you ever caught yourself changing pieces of you, from your clothes to your voice to your hobbies, in order to impress someone you don’t even like? This episode is for you if you’ve ever sucked in your stomach in a completely empty room. Or scrolled through your own social media posts, imagining someone else looking at them. It’s for you if you've ever looked at yourself through someone else's eyes for so long that you've forgotten what you look like through your own. In it, we’ll unpack how we get trapped under the male gaze through the work of Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir, Susan Sontag, Margaret Atwood, Ada Limón, and more. Then, I'll walk you through 7 rituals that have actually helped me climb out from under it. This is not an episode about giving up on love. It is a field guide on how to stop twisting yourself into inauthentic shapes to earn validation to fill the void of love. If you want to become the subject of your own life again, I think you'll like this one. RITUALS FOR DE-INTERNALIZING THE MALE GAZE: EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 07:28 1. The gaze audit (Sartre) 08:40 Subject self versus object self 10:01 Foucault’s panopticon & self-surveillence 10:54 How to do a gaze audit 14:11 2. Photo and mirror detox (Sontag) 15:42 3. Interrogate “I do it for myself” (de Beauvoir) 16:50 de Beauvoir v. Sartre: existence precedes essence? 17:21 Do we have to stop shaving to be good feminists? 18:14 How to trace the origins of your grooming habits 18:47 The marketing origins of shaving 20:02 5. Bechdel mode 21:35 The importance of non-man focused conversation 22:25 6. Pleasure inventory (Mary Oliver) 22:56 The antidote to self-surveillance according to psychology 23:45 How to take a pleasure inventory 24:49 7. Pre-situationship prep 26:44 Love poem with apologies for my appearance (Ada Limon 27:51 The surprising unobjectifying power of being really loved and really seen 28:48 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
S3 · E1
July 19 · 36 min
Secret Portals to Your Next Self
In stories, the narrator tells you which ordinary things are portals to magic and adventure. In real life, you have to find them yourself. This episode reveals 5 secret portals to the next version of yourself: seemingly ordinary choices, traits, and habits that are thresholds to the future version of you who lives with more courage, clarity, and freedom. It’s for you if an old version of you has died but the new one hasn’t been born yet. You might have recently experienced a big life change: a move, or a relationship ending, or a career change. Or maybe you know one is coming. It’s for you if you have an unshakeable feeling that there is a more alive version of you out there, if only you could figure out how to get to them. We’ll examine the work of philosophy’s greatest minds, like Nietzsche, Kant, Kafka, and the Ancient Greeks, to uncover the hidden thresholds between who you are and who you're becoming, and point out clues for how to spot them when they appear in your own life. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:54 I missed you 06:05 Help me keep Soul Gum ad-free 07:35 Talk to me!!! 08:18 1. Intuition is a portal 08:49 Nietzsche’s beef with Socrates 10:44 The neuroscience of intuition (Gary Klein) 12:31 I exist because of a woman’s intuition 13:03 The tension between ambition & intuition 14:13 Mary Oliver on reacquianting with your intuition 15:05 Small ways to reconnect with your intuition 15:42 2. Solitude is a portal (Pascal) 16:39 The fear of being alone with your thoughts 17:33 2014 study on the discomfort of being un-stimulated 18:05 Solitude as a tool in my creative process 18:58 Brain drain study: it is that d**n phone 19:30 Going phone n*k*d 20:12 3. Aligned friendship is a portal 21:36 Nietzsche: Friends should be your “best enemies” 23:06 Friendship as a mirror 23:40 The research of social contagion 24:18 Look for friends that show you what’s possible 24:52 4. Nature is a portal 25:40 Our increasingly sanitized relationship with nature 26:15 Kant, the sublime, and the gorpcore of it all 28:41 The ego-interrupting power of awe 29:45 5. Action is a portal (Kafka’s Before the Law) 31:29 Mary Oliver on the most regretful people 32:00 You deserve to know what’s on the other side of fear 32:33 Leap by Joy Sullivan 33:34 For the Ones Who Left by Me (Victoria Hutchins) 34:29 Lightning round recap 35:40 Subscribe, rate, share, talk to me!!! LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
Sep 7, 2025 · 6 min
Season 3 Coming Soon
See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back. WHERE TO FIND ME: MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠ Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠ Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
S2 · E31
Aug 24, 2025 · 46 min
The Philosophy of Love
Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If you’re curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love) 03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love) 07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on love 07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Plato’s The Symposium) 09:03 Socrates’ ladder of love 13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on love 13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau) 13:58 Rousseau’s two types of self love 15:22 How self love affects how you love others 17:31 The humanity formula (Kant) 19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant) 22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer) 24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer) 24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer) 26:06 Existentialists on love 26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre) 27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre) 30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s non-monogamous love story 31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir) 33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir) 36:54 Kierkegaard’s Works of Love 37:22 Unreasonable standards in love (Kierkegaard) 42:24 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Plato, The Symposium (c. 385–370 BCE) Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract (1762) Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797) Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation (1818) Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love (1847) Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground (1864) Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943) Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (1944) Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) Gordon Marino, The Existentialist’s Survival Guide (2018) MY LINKS MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠ Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠ Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Aug 17, 2025 · 43 min
7 Secrets of Creative Geniuses
Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists) 03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”) 11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act) 14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship) 20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes) 25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law) 30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett) 34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter) 37:57 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE • Plato, The Republic • Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity (2022 and 2025) • Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being • Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe • Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience • Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett • Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice • Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
S2 · E30
Aug 10, 2025 · 43 min
How I Got My Spirituality Back
What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of) 08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time 10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began 18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self 19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better 26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity 27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole 29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus) 30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong 32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice) 33:53 What “god” means to me now 35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you? 36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus) 36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson) 38:14 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849) Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction Story Blaise Pascal, Pensées (1670) St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE) Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942) Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE) Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023) Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016) MY LINKS • ⁠Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify • ⁠Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ RESOURCES ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Chat with a Trevor Project counselor now ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ANAD helpline ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• 988 lifeline
Aug 3, 2025 · 35 min
How to Get Better at Confrontation
Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote) 14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative 20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts 23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts 26:14 Confrontation dos 26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships 26:53 Bids for attention 27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts 32:09 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961) ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE) ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013) ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) MY LINKS ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
S2 · E27
Jul 27, 2025 · 38 min
5 Habits of Great Conversationalists
Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill 11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations 18:30 3. Asking more questions 25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected 29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality 33:27 Lightning round recap 36:19 Challenge MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Simulacra and Simulation, Jean Baudrillard (1981) TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (2025)
S2 · E26
Jul 20, 2025 · 45 min
How to Get Unstuck Post-Crash Out
Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:53 You’re stuck because… 05:00 1. You’re free 05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard) 06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre) 07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath) 13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience 13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson) 22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself 23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka) 26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places 27:04 The Trial (Kafka) 35:14 5. You think nothing matters 35:24 Mechanical life (Camus) 36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus) 37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus) 40:08 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: On Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard (1844) Being and Nothingness, Jean Paul Sartre (1943) The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath (1963) The Big Secret, Deepak Chopra (2008) Epiphenomenal Qualia, Frank Jackson (1982) The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (1915) The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925) The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus (1942)
S2 · E25
Jul 13, 2025 · 30 min
Nietzsche’s 3 Steps to Soul-Deep Transformation
19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 06:34 The camel spirit 11:32 The lion spirit 17:25 The child spirit 25:40 Lightning round recap 26:43 Challenge MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
S2 · E24
Jul 6, 2025 · 32 min
Smart Girl Summer Toolkit
Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:14 1. Take notes 06:57 2. Write by hand 08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber 11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect 14:54 5. Change your conversation norms 18:08 6. Practice hard attention 21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule 22:33 8. Chew your brain food 23:54 9. Show what you don’t know 26:20 Newsletter recs 27:41 Philosophy podcast recs 28:08 Poetry recs 29:40 Lightning round recap
S2 · E23
Jun 29, 2025 · 36 min
8 Hard Truths for Seasons of Change
So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 03:35 How to follow your intuition 06:38 How to know the right choice 10:50 The effect of your ego 14:10 The impact of who you keep close 19:27 The importance of confrontation 23:21 The impact of tiny choices 26:40 How to shift into the next chapter 28:59 Hard versus wrong SOURCES Smoke filled room study Balloon study bell hooks, all about love Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action Churning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata
S2 · E22
Jun 22, 2025 · 51 min
How to Plan Your Week to Change Your Life
How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life. EPISODE OUTLINE 04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return 12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law 23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority” 25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 31:59 Dharma 37:22 My weekly routine MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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