Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Yowei Shaw

Proxy investigates the emotional mysteries that run our lives and world — sometimes by finding someone who gets it, sometimes by reporting from the emotions beat. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and editorial lead of Invisibilia.

For more dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. You can also become a paid member to support the show and get bonus episodes.

If you’re new, try: Bisexual Wife Guy, Yowei Can't Speak Bro, or Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs.

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31 episodes
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Avg 44 min
English

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Tuesday · 40 min
Why don't men ask follow up questions? (From NO SUCH THING)
Why don't men ask follow-up questions? Not just on dates, but with their own friends. How can two guys be best friends and know so little about each other's lives? From No Such Thing, Manny, Noah, and Devan investigate with masculinity expert Liz Plank, and put their own friendship to the test. Listen to more No Such Thing at nosuchthing.show. Suppot independent podcasting! Donate to Radiotopia at radiotopia.fm/donate.
October 27 · 51 min
Kyle Thinks MAGA Supporters Are Stupid
Kyle is losing faith in humanity. How can anyone still support Trump? Are they stupid? Crazy? Or just terrible people? Yowei brings Kyle together with two former MAGA supporters to find out. Get Brian and Ashton's recommendations for books, documentaries. and more in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. How do you get through to someone you love who's deep into MAGA? Hear Brian answer questions from Proxy listeners in our bonus episode for paid members. Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
October 20 · 42 min
Georgia Is Terrified of the Titanic
Georgia Hampton knows the Titanic can't hurt her. So why does just looking at a picture fill her with dread? And can she make the fear go away? We find her a proxy who has spent decades helping people overcome their most irrational fears. Get Georgia's internet rabbit holes and Martin's free guides to overcoming phobias in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org.
October 13 · 39 min
Can you want to succeed without losing your mind?
Yowei cares so much about doing a good job that sometimes it makes her worse at her job. Can you care deeply about your work without obsessing over whether you succeed? Yowei turns to New Yorker staff writer Jay Caspian Kang, who seems to have mastered the art of caring deeply about his work without getting too attached to the outcome. See the photo in Yowei's booth and get Jay's low-investment reading list in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. Is meaningful conversation overrated? Hear Yowei and Kyle debate what makes a good hang, plus Jay's advice to Yowei to shut the fuck up in our bonus episode for paid members.
October 6 · 47 min
Ellie and the Other Woman
Ellie never thought she'd be the other woman. Then she fell in love with a married man. We find her a proxy who knows what it's like to have an affair with a married man — and then build a life with him. For more dispatches from the emotions beat, sign up for our free newsletter at proxyhq.org.
September 29 · 45 min
Ryan Jay Keeps Falling For His Friends
Ryan Jay keeps making friends with women. They get close. Then he falls for them. It's happened so many times that he's starting to wonder if he can actually be friends with women without wanting to date them. We find him a proxy, masculinity expert Andrew Smiler, to help him figure out why he keeps falling for his friends — and whether there's another way. For more dispatches from the emotions beat, sign up for our free newsletter at proxyhq.org.
September 23 · 42 min
Chloe Is Starting to Drink Too Much
Chloe's life is going great. Except she's drinking more than she wants to. And with medical school around the corner, she's scared that asking for help could jeopardize her future. How do you get a handle on your drinking before things fall apart? We find her a proxy who struggled with drinking at her age and went on to become an addiction psychiatrist. For more dispatches from the emotions beat, sign up for our free newsletter at proxyhq.org. From the episode: NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator — Find treatment in the U.S. Healthdirect Australia — Alcohol treatment and support in Australia Drs4Drs — Confidential support for Australian doctors and medical students Australian Doctors in Recovery — Peer support for healthcare professionals Federation of State Physician Health Programs — U.S. physician health programs
September 15 · 11 min
State of the Show: Comcast Says We're Gonna Make It
Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.
July 28 · 31 min
Carrie Doesn't Know If She Can Afford a Baby (This Is Uncomfortable)
Carrie and Natalia want a baby. But they can’t agree on one big question: How much money is enough to become parents? This week, we’re sharing an episode from “This Is Uncomfortable,”a podcast from Marketplace about life and the way money messes with it. Each Thursday, host Reema Khrais digs into stories about the unanticipated ways money shapes our relationships, identities, and the choices we make.
July 21 · 46 min
How to Stop Your Inner Voice From Spiraling (A Slight Change of Plans)
This week, as we continue working on new cases for the fall, we’re sharing an episode from our friends at A Slight Change of Plans. Psychologist Ethan Kross talks to host Maya Shankar about why our inner voice sometimes helps us make sense of our lives—and sometimes traps us in an endless spiral—and shares practical ways to get some distance from the chatter.
July 14 · 41 min
Heather Knows What Happens After You Die (What's It Like To Be... with Dan Heath)
We’re sharing an episode of What It’s Like to Be… from New York Times bestselling business book author Dan Heath. On the podcast, Dan explores the world of work, one profession at a time, and interviews people who love what they do. He finds out: How does a stand-up comedian come up with new material? Does a cattle rancher ever get attached to certain calves? What are the clues that suggest fraud to a forensic accountant? If you’ve ever met someone whose work you were curious about, and you had 100 nosy questions but were too polite to ask… this is the show for you. In this preview, Dan talks with a funeral director about the strangest request for a viewing she’s ever handled, what it’s like to do hair and makeup for a body, and what the hardest situations are for her to handle. You can find more episodes of “What It’s Like to Be…” at https://link.mgln.ai/proxydanheath
June 30 · 58 min
Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex
Taelor wants a romantic partner. Someone to share a life with. Just without sex. But after years of dating, she's starting to wonder if what she wants is even possible. How do you grieve a life you still want but aren't sure you'll get? We find her a proxy, Courtney Lane, who's been happily married for 12 years without having sex. For episode extras and ACE resources, sign up for our free newsletter at proxyhq.org. Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
June 16 · 57 min
Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich
Sam grew up middle class, built a company, and suddenly became rich. But instead of feeling free, he feels stuck. How do you enjoy having money without becoming the kind of rich person you used to judge? Yowei finds Sam a proxy who became a millionaire and then gave most of his money away. Read our interview with a guy who organizes rich people in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org.
June 2 · 48 min
Alex's Husband Is Too Straight
Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight man. Henry has supported Alex through every step of their transition. But Alex can't shake one question: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman? Yowei finds Alex two proxies: a trans man who transitioned while married to a straight man, and his husband. Read our interview with a queer nonbinary psychologist about transitioning while in a relationship in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org.
May 19 · 49 min
Yowei Can't Speak Bro
For twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. Her theory? He speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. But what exactly is bro-speak, and can she learn to be fluent? Yowei finds herself a proxy bro, Jason Stewart from How Long Gone, who can teach her the language. Find out why bros can talk for seven hours and reveal nothing in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. Hear more from linguist Scott Kiesling about the secret emotional rules of bro-speak in our bonus episode for paid members.
May 5 · 48 min
Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs
Jane has devoted her life to dogs. She's worked in animal rescue, fostering, and training. But lately, she doesn't feel the same connection to her own dogs anymore. She still loves them. So why doesn't she feel it? Yowei finds Jane a proxy who knows what it's like to lose the joy in caring for animals. Find out why caring too much can leave you feeling nothing at all in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. From the episode: ASPCA's compassion fatigue resources — directly relevant to the episode and its central dilemma. Cornell's pet loss resources — useful, though less directly connected to Jane's experience. Content note: This episode contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988. Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
April 21 · 1 hr 1 min
Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head
For most of her life, writer Caitlin Myer had a narrator in her head. A voice that helped her tell stories and make sense of the world. Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared. Who are you when you lose the thing that makes you feel most like yourself? Yowei finds Caitlin a proxy who also lost the voice that defined her. Get Caitlin and Greta's reading list and episode extras, plus Caitlin's emotional scoops in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. From the episode: Caitlin Myer, author of Wiving, Greta Morgan, author of The Lost Voice.
April 7 · 40 min
Yowei Used to Hide Her Husband Kyle (from Love Letters)
Once upon a time, Yowei felt embarrassed to have a boyfriend—not because of him, but because of what it said about her. This story comes from the Love Letters podcast. Listen to more of their episodes here. Proxy is back with new cases every other Tuesday. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next one. New to Proxy? Start with Bisexual Wife Guy — it’s one of the clearest examples of what this show does.
Dec 2, 2025 · 49 min
Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro
Nicole is a labor organizer who's good at being angry. Her anger fuels her activism, but lately it's been spilling over into her personal life. If she lets go of her anger, will she lose the fire that keeps her going? Yowei finds Nicole a proxy who knows what it's like to turn rage into political action — and pay the emotional price. Get Deborah and Nicole's book, film, and resource recommendations in this week's newsletter. Sign up for free at proxyhq.org. From the episode: Deborah Gould, sociologist and author of Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDS.
Nov 4, 2025 · 40 min
Bob and the Forgiveness Spell
Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because she wants a relationship with her, but because she's tired of being angry. The problem? Forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you stop resenting someone who hurt you without pretending what happened was okay? Yowei finds Erin a proxy who's spent decades studying the science of forgiveness. For more dispatches from the emotions beat, sign up for our free newsletter at proxyhq.org. From the episode: Robert Enright's free resources at the International Forgiveness Institute.

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