If I Speak

Novara Media

Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.

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128 episodes
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Episodes128

Newest first

Oct 28, 2025 · 1 hr 12 min
86: Why do we lap up other people’s horror stories?
We’re coming to Manchester! On 25th November we’ll be at Contact Theatre for a live show with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There. Tickets are available now from the Contact website! This week, Moya and Ash offer a thought for spooky season: why do love hearing other people’s horror stories? Plus: Moya spills on a dating disaster, and a dilemma about a mentoring relationship gone wrong. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Oct 21, 2025 · 1 hr 8 min
85: Has pop culture turned to slop? w/ Kemi Alemoru
*Display your Special One status with our only piece of merch so far – a bag! Available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash are joined by Kemi Alemoru, editorial director of Glamour UK, to analyse the current state of pop culture, from Taylor Swift to A24. Has pop turned to slop? Or is it on us to fix our algorithmic intake? Plus: advice on a workplace crush. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Oct 14, 2025 · 57 min
84: How to ace a first date (by two very different daters)
*Flag your Special One status with a massive foldable Baggu bag, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Are you a stranger dater or a fan of the ‘indeterminate hang’? Moya and Ash explain their very different approaches to a first date. Plus: advice for an unhappy house-sharer. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Oct 7, 2025 · 1 hr 5 min
83: Is jealousy the spice of life?
*We’ve got merch! It’s a big foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Prompted by Elena Ferrante’s novel My Brilliant Friend, Ash wonders what makes Moya jealous. Can friendships survive a power imbalance? What happens when YOU are the brilliant friend? And is jealousy a crucial part of desire? Reading: Wounded Attachment by Wendy Brown Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Sep 30, 2025 · 1 hr 9 min
82: Help! I can’t stop hating men
*Join the Baggu believers: it’s a huge foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya wants to stop hating men and start building trust, which means a dialogue about all the things that make that difficult: objectification, racist over-sexualisation, degrading comments, and rape (TW: 27m; 40m). Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Sep 23, 2025 · 45 min
81: Is it wrong to love my AI boyfriend?
*We’ve got merch. Gift yourself the If I Speak x Baggu bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* A mystery question from producer Chal prompts a conversation about secrets in romantic relationships – from watching porn to cheating with an AI boyfriend. Plus: advice for an autistic dater who’s been banned from Hinge. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Sep 16, 2025 · 1 hr 2 min
80: September is the real new year. Will your resolution stick this time?
*Flag your Special One status with our official tote bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya has a simple proposition: September is the best month for fresh starts. But why do we always want a clean slate? Plus, a straight white man who’s trying to be good and getting flak for it anyway. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Sep 9, 2025 · 59 min
79: Help! I’ve moved back home and now my mum hates me
*Check out the official If I Speak tote bag on shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash tackle your dilemmas, featuring a middle-class mum who’s become distant and critical, an ex-boyfriend who’s blowing hot and cold, a looming holiday with an abuser, a single man wondering where all the single women are hiding, and a twenty-something struggling to build friendships. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Sep 2, 2025 · 1 hr 10 min
78: What does it take to feel safe?
*Get the If I Speak Baggu bag from shop.novaramedia.com* A shocking real-life incident prompts a conversation about feeling safe, trusting your gut and the politics of public safety. Plus: advice on finding friendship after leaving a conservative religious community. TW: sexual assault (at 43m) Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Aug 26, 2025 · 1 hr 2 min
77: What’s the difference between a girl and a woman?
*The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* What would it mean to be valued simply as a woman – not as a mother, wife, caregiver, girlypops or MILF? Ash and Moya talk about their animal natures and fear of motherhood in a chat spurred by last week’s interview with feminist critic Sophie Gilbert. Plus: how to go deeper with your friends. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Aug 19, 2025 · 1 hr 17 min
76: How porn went mainstream and changed everything w/ Sophie Gilbert
*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash and Moya talk to Sophie Gilbert about the pornification of the ’90s and ’00s – an era when riot grrl gave way to girl power, the supermodel was replaced by the waif, and feminist solidarity battled against tabloid body-shaming and Terry Richardson. Sophie’s new book is Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Aug 12, 2025 · 1 hr 11 min
75: The world needs more flirting. Here’s how
*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash tackle a topic that turns up in the If I Speak mailbox every week: how can we get better at flirting IRL – and coping with rejection? Plus, how to process a failed friendship. Warning: Contains musical theatre. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Aug 5, 2025 · 1 hr 15 min
74: Can your racial identity change over time?
*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash has noticed that neither she nor Moya is white and urgently needs to talk about it. Has her sense of her racial identity changed over time? And where does it come from – their shade, their community, or the way they’re treated? Plus: which ethnicity is best at rice?! Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jul 29, 2025 · 1 hr 7 min
73: Where did it all go wrong on the dancefloor?
*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Having rekindled her appetite for fun, Ash now has a five-point plan to improve dancefloors. Plus, advice for a special one whose boyfriend isn’t weird or jealous – and that’s the problem. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jul 22, 2025 · 1 hr 7 min
72: Why does it always have to be me taking responsibility?
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash and Moya descend into the guilt vortex for a conversation about family, responsibility, and parents who need to be parented. Plus: advice for a special one with a workplace crush. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jul 1, 2025 · 1 hr
71: If I’m so angry then why am I crying?!
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and find fellow Special Ones.* On this episode, Moya presents an intrusive thought from a Special One about why some women struggle to express their anger. Should our ‘outlaw emotions’ be brought to the surface? Plus: help for a listener whose friends have taken an anti-trans turn. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jun 24, 2025 · 1 hr 10 min
70: Can you ever change what you want?
*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and send a signal to fellow Special Ones.* In this episode, Moya and Ash talk about what to do with their impossible desires. Plus: Britain’s drinking problems, and and advice for a gay man whose female bestie has ditched him. Got a problem? ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jun 17, 2025 · 1 hr
69: Is marriage a hard border? w/ Jeremy Atherton Lin
Is marriage like an island, or more of an open house? Ash talks about state-sanctioned relationships with memoirist Jeremy Atherton Lin, whose new book Deep House: The Gayest Love Story Ever Told, is out now. Plus, advice for a listener whose money worries aren’t shared by her partner. Are you in big trouble? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jun 10, 2025 · 1 hr 10 min
68: Help! My housemate is a pig
Moya and Ash deal with your dilemmas, including a daughter who wants to give away her inheritance, a scared mum facing up to her prejudice, a singleton wondering if moving home was a mistake, and a renter whose housemate is a total pig. Are you in big trouble? Email us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.
Jun 3, 2025 · 56 min
67: What’s up with Generation Alpha?
Moya and Ash wonder what’s up with kids these days, thinking about parenting, advertising, social media and anxiety. Plus, advice for a bereaved listener who’s furious with her stepmum. Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.