A deeply personal and Torah-rich conversation on facing darkness from within. Kiki opens up about her own journey with anxiety and depression, sharing how she moved from resenting the darkness she experienced to believing in its inherent blessing. Drawing on biblical stories, Kiki weaves profound insight with raw personal honesty. She explores what it practically means to face darkness, professional help as a prerequisite to faith-based tools and the belief that our inner light is inextinguishable, no matter what darkness we are facing.
Kiki is a Chabad Shlucha for a community in Israel, teaches weekly Chassidus and Kabbalah classes in person and online. She is a bridal educator and mikvah attendant, and is passionate about learning and teaching chassidus.
Find her classes on Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/@kabbalahwithkiki
Find her classes on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/6uscGnRqwgd2j8qwkk542M?si=FIxIy73QQNWw7qVSbDYRUg
Email her at chabadofefrat@gmail.com and find her on instagram at @kabbalahwithkiki.
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Timestamps:
00:00 — Introduction
01:43 — Today's topic: Torah wisdom on facing inner and outer darkness
02:14 — Why this is personal: Kiki's journey with anxiety and depression
03:30 — Showing up to teach even on the hardest days
05:14 — Biblical context: Abraham, Yaakov, and descending into Egypt
06:00 — The Kabbalistic purpose of exile:
07:38 — Descent before ascent
08:20 — Yaakov wrestling with the angel
10:00 — What blessing is this bringing me?
11:15 — The blessing is not external
13:13 — Practically speaking: what does facing darkness actually look like?
15:00 — The Hillel model: lighting one candle when the darkness feels overwhelming
16:50 — Going outward as a tool: moving out of yourself to find light
18:35 — The fear of being swallowed by darkness
20:30 — Balancing inward processing and outward giving
23:10 — Designating time for pain
25:00 — When mental health requires medical treatment first
26:24 — Yosef vs. his brothers: two worldviews on how to live in a dark world
28:30 — The brothers' approach: protect holiness by withdrawing from the world
29:30 — Yosef's approach: engage with darkness and elevate it
30:45 — Galus as a dream: the power of opposites coexisting
35:00 — Two kinds of dreams: exile's confusion vs. Yosef's redemptive vision
40:50 — What happened to our dreams?
43:00 — Changing "if only" to "only because"
46:00 — Two approaches to supporting people in their darkness
48:00 — Yaakov's model: sometimes when you're in the pit can't climb out alone
50:00 — Yosef's model: the power of presence
52:30 — Just sitting with someone is enough
54:30 — Kiki's personal postpartum depression
56:30 — The inextinguishable light
58:30 — How to support someone in darkness
59:26 — Soul-to-soul closing message
