Autism, Anxiety and PDA with Lisa Lloyd
Your child holds it together all day at school, then falls apart the moment they get home. If that is your house, this episode is for you. Vanessa Feltz and child therapist Saskia Joss are joined by Lisa Lloyd, autism advocate and author of Unmasking Mum, for one of the most honest conversations we have had on this podcast. Lisa is mum to two autistic children, and she was only diagnosed autistic herself at 41. Her son took four years to get a diagnosis because he masked so well at school that nobody could see what was happening at home. Her daughter has a PDA profile, which means being asked to do almost anything can trigger an anxiety response. Lisa talks about the mornings that swallow two hours over a pair of shoes, the meltdowns in public that stop looking acceptable once your child is over six foot, and the friendships that quietly disappeared because she kept having to say no. Saskia explains why anxiety is the most common condition to travel alongside autism, what a meltdown actually is, and how masking works. She describes it as walking around with a pin stuck in your side and telling nobody. If you are somewhere in the assessment queue, or you have a diagnosis and no support, or you are simply exhausted and starting to wonder whether it is you, this one will make you feel less alone. In this episode: • Why the child who masks is often the one suffering most • What PDA (pathological demand avoidance) really is, and why it is anxiety-driven • Which demands you have to hold, and which you can safely let go • Why a diagnosis does not automatically bring any support • Children who fall between mainstream school and specialist provision • Why anxiety and autism so often turn up together • What actually helps: structure, ear defenders, getting ahead of change • Meltdowns in public when your child is bigger than you • The loneliness, the lost friendships, and the fear of who will be there when you are gone • Building independence in very small steps • What autism parenting does to a marriage, and how Lisa and her husband protect theirs • What Lisa wishes neurotypical parents knew, including one simple thing that changes everything We want to hear from you. Which part of this landed hardest? Tell us in the comments. If your child masks at school and unravels at home, say so. There will be a parent reading who thought they were the only one. Subscribe to Help! My Child is Anxious for new episodes every week. Warm, practical, honest conversations for parents raising anxious children in a world that rarely slows down. Buy Lisa's latest book: https://www.penguin.co.uk/authors/312673/lisa-lloyd