Hello Dysfunction

A raw and hilarious dive into current events, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, navigating mental illness, gossip, and the political dumpster fire we’re all forced to live in.

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365 episodes
Updated Friday
Explicit

Episodes365

Newest first

March 12 · 1 hr 18 min
S2 Ep342: Horny Poetry ft Miss Ashleigh
Welcome Miss Ashleigh! Great minds think alike, growing up in the country, ancestry surprises and psychology studies. Radio shows, spoken word, navigating the mental side of sw and some cool prison stories. For bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
March 5 · 1 hr 39 min
S2 Ep341: Woman of Leisure ft Sexy Nelly
Welcome Nelly! Gas station hostage, sickness is going around, intro to the game and girls are sexualized EARLY. Always trust your gut, spicy online content, working for a service and something to give you nightmares. ❤️ Follow Nelly at Instagram.com/sexynellyy For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
February 26 · 1 hr 9 min
S2 Ep340: Three Day Run
Been a busy girl, unexpected visitor, great Bay Area representation and Gavin should stop talking. A local kidnapping, pray for Mexico, RIP PeeWee and don’t be rich and play poor. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
February 19 · 2 hr
S2 Ep339: Rub Maps ft Alyssa
Welcome Alyssa! We love good maintenance, are women the gross ones, men will do anything and a provider does not want your man. Don't discuss too much on the phone, creative new services, huge dad nightmares and a story of survival. ❤️ Follow Alyssa at Cry Baby Pampering Instagram.com/crybabypampering For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
February 11 · 1 hr 44 min
S2 Ep338: Not Mething Around ft Jose
Welcome Jose! Super Bowl weekend , fold your clothes, we don’t understand numbers and college is hard. Neighbors being ridiculous, driving ticket tips, Kraft singles and surprise chili dogs. ❤️ Follow Jose at Instagram.com/xjsilverio For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
February 5 · 1 hr 46 min
S2 Ep337: Not My Stud ft Jaymee
Meet niece Jaymee, another earthquake, testing Pat’s memory and 2026 is not being nice. Eat the rich, Elon is humiliating, Blueface is back and stop hiding the aliens! ❤️ Follow Jaymee at Instagram.com/whereisjaymee Tiktok.com/@whereisjaymee For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
January 29 · 1 hr 8 min
S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”
It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked, give back plastic bags, sneaky workplace fun and inappropriate grandmas. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
January 22 · 2 hr
S1 Ep335: Boston Beckham
Crystal is doing better, guest episodes are coming, Happy Birthday Stinkers and Xmas is gone. Congratulations Rubi Ro and Carmen, it costs more to be left handed, boy moms strike again and a viral snack worth trying. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
January 10 · 1 hr 35 min
S1 Ep334: Jacosta
Peez is a feisty old woman, Pat’s been cooking, Crystal made a mistake and hands off Venezuela. Abolish ICE, new holsters, a surprise protein source and stay away from mad scientists. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
January 1 · 1 hr 21 min
S1 Ep333: Happy New Year 2026
Nice coats, big cleaning plans, NYE traditions and prime thrifting. School for fun, Mochi is innocent, give us our plastic bags and the United States is an ATM. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Dec 28, 2025 · 2 hr 2 min
S1 Ep332: A Christmas Miracle
Disclaimer: we’ve experienced some technical difficulties this week so our apologies for the sound quality!! They have since been corrected so next week will be great! Christmas is over, the best neighbor is gone, Crystal scored on marketplace and warn your kids before their toys pee. Mochi might be up for adoption, buy your sons baby dolls, magas had a rough week and Crystal invented new nachos. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Dec 18, 2025 · 1 hr 33 min
S1 Ep331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug
Pat is sick, telepathy is real, it’s ok to be a gremlin and the holiday party was LOVE. Christmas can be every day, let’s play QVC, POTUS finds a new low and perimenopause changes your senses! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Dec 12, 2025 · 1 hr 42 min
S1 Ep330: Do A Bump
Pat is the grinch, we hate inconsiderate neighbors, check on your mom if she screams and 67 is not a devil number. Dressing for attention is over, always use the correct wipes, 304s need to up their price and actually make excellent housewives. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Dec 5, 2025 · 2 hr 7 min
S1 Ep329: Dirty White Gremlin
Celebs will always let you down, don’t claim to be native unless you have proof, the holiday party is almost here and increase pay for all teachers! Cats speak English, Pat the barber, above average social skills and let’s be ants. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Nov 28, 2025 · 1 hr 27 min
S1 Ep328: The San Francisco Treat
The holidays are here, eat some weevils, we love a mullet and Zach had a nice breakfast. Crystal had an oops, there’s something strange in the neighborhood, don’t flush honeydew and no more Campbell’s soup! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Nov 20, 2025 · 1 hr 53 min
S1 Ep327: AC Transit Belt
Get your Holiday Hangout tickets, old episodes are crazy, Crystal loves dirty bears and grief is weird. Growing up without parents is hard, don’t gamble with Pat, some kids need hit and shoplifting class. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Nov 15, 2025 · 2 hr 12 min
S1 Ep326: Christmas Committee
Earthquake! Happy Birthday Carolyn, we had a garage sale and no more pennies. Teeth are a luxury, Christmas is cancelled, churches aren’t walking the walk and art theft is so lazy. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Nov 7, 2025 · 1 hr 25 min
S1 Ep325: Wiener War
Happy Birthday Will! Crystal is in disguise, daylight savings is whooping us and poor people can scam. We’re only good at war, push kids to learn phonics, Aileen didn’t get a fair trial and Crystal snuck off to the movies. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Nov 1, 2025 · 2 hr 19 min
S1 Ep324: Grandpa Stew
Marysville is different, we’ve been mispronouncing words, turn off automatic braking and we want women drivers. Pat made a calm down corner, ghosts are attention seeking, don’t shop this holiday season and what did YOU take for show and tell? For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Oct 24, 2025 · 2 hr 4 min
S1 Ep323: I Don't Got The Spirit
The universe said Pat’s been too happy, people have been mean to Crystal, Blueface is possibly Pat’s soulmate and Peez dances to her own drum. Don’t knock b*tches at the gym, get your merch while you can, protect your neighbors and you can’t pray away mental illness. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

Hello Dysfunction

S2 Ep342: Horny Poetry ft Miss Ashleigh

S2 Ep341: Woman of Leisure ft Sexy Nelly

S2 Ep340: Three Day Run

S2 Ep339: Rub Maps ft Alyssa

S2 Ep338: Not Mething Around ft Jose

S2 Ep337: Not My Stud ft Jaymee

S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”

S1 Ep335: Boston Beckham

S1 Ep334: Jacosta

S1 Ep333: Happy New Year 2026

S1 Ep332: A Christmas Miracle

S1 Ep331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug

S1 Ep330: Do A Bump

S1 Ep329: Dirty White Gremlin

S1 Ep328: The San Francisco Treat

S1 Ep327: AC Transit Belt

S1 Ep326: Christmas Committee

S1 Ep325: Wiener War

S1 Ep324: Grandpa Stew

S1 Ep323: I Don't Got The Spirit