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Haysnacks

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Enjoy Haysnacks, the bite-sized comedy podcast from Northwest Arkansas’s own Haystack—morning radio’s master of mischief on 106.5 KBVA and 96.7 The Bull. Each episode packs in the best moments from Haystack’s daily shows, including fan-favorite highlights, his legendary “morning six pack” top 6 lists, and the hilarious weekly phone call with his super-redneck pal, Alabama Bama. Don’t miss the Saturday “Leftovers” episode, where Haystack serves up the jokes and bits that didn’t make it on air (due to time, or because they were too weird or wild). Designed for busy listeners, Haysnacks delivers quick, snackable laughs whenever you need them—perfect for your commute, coffee break, or anytime you want a dose of fun.

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#550
Today · 1 min
We Celebrate the Guy Who Missed India (Happy Monday?)
Today is both Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day — so yeah, we’re celebrating the dude who “discovered” America and the folks who were already here. I joke about Columbus thinking he’d sailed to India and, spoiler, he missed it by, like, 9,000 miles. I remind people that Indigenous ancestors have been here for thousands of years, so the whole “Indians” mix-up is wild. I wish you a Happy Columbus Day and/or Indigenous Peoples Day. And if none of that does it for you, hey — Happy Monday. Takeaways: I point out that today is officially Columbus Day and, in many places, also Indigenous Peoples Day — which is hilariously contradictory. We joke that Columbus “discovered” America even though Indigenous peoples had been here thousands of years before, so yeah, awkward. I roast Columbus for thinking he reached India, even though he missed it by about nine thousand miles — classic navigation fail. I wrap up with a shrug: celebrate Columbus, celebrate Indigenous Peoples, or celebrate neither — either way, happy Monday.
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#549
Friday · 3 min
Morning 6-Pack - Stuff You Should Only Buy at Sam's Club
Sam's Club basically runs how we live now — people are literally putting garage doors straight into their pantries so they can unload bulk like it’s a sport. So we barreled through a Morning 6-Pack of the six things you should only ever buy at Sam’s Club (yep, we’re being dramatic and proud). I riff on how bulk shopping forces you to add fridges, chest freezers, and industrial shelving to your house plan, and why losing reading glasses is apparently a regional pastime. We tease a few no-brainers — rotisserie chickens, Goldfish, a giant ibuprofen tub — and joke about buying paper towels like you’re prepping for the apocalypse. Stick around for the top spot — I’m not giving that away, but it’s gloriously ridiculous and worth the trip. Takeaways: I quip that Sam's Club basically changes house design — think pantry doors, extra fridges, and loading docks. We put Halloween candy on the list: buy huge bags for trick-or-treaters and secretly hoard the good stuff. I rave that Sam's Club rotisserie chickens beat grocery prices so badly it feels like culinary highway robbery. We recommend stocking up on practical junk — four-packs of reading glasses and giant Goldfish tubs are household essentials. I tease a wild finale surprise you gotta hear yourself — I’m not about to spoil the top pick.
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#548
Friday · 2 min
California Karen vs Mariachi
A guy plans this perfect ocean-overlook proposal with white roses, candles and a mariachi band — and some neighborhood Karen strolls in to boo the romance, yelling about permits and even shouting “go back to Mexico.” I mean, who shows up to a sunset proposal armed with complaints and civic rage? She threatens to call the cops, lectures them about park rules, and her dog literally drops a souvenir on the lawn while she rants. But the couple? They kept calm, he proposed, she said yes, and the mariachis kept playing — now their engagement video doubles as a reality doc with a villain cameo. I’m just imagining them watching that forever and laughing (or crying) every time the angry lady screams in stereo. Takeaways: I laughed that the guy planned a perfect proposal but forgot to book neighborhood security. We watched an Ocean Overlook proposal with white roses, candles, and a mariachi band interrupted by a Karen. I can't believe someone threatened to call cops over a sunset proposal, insisting they needed a permit. We saw the absolute timing: her dog drops a steaming gift on the lawn while lovers say yes. Best part: they kept the mariachi, got engaged, and now their video doubles as a Netflix-style villain documentary.
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#547
Thursday · 2 min
Skip the Five Trips — My Dream Sam's Club Door Plan
People are literally designing houses around Costco/Sam’s Club — yep, that tiny 2x2 “Sam’s Club door” that drops you from the garage straight into the pantry. I riff on how it lets you shove the 30-pack of sparkling water, industrial olive oil, and giant bags of rice into your house without five trips or losing circulation in your fingers. A contractor even says about half his customers ask for one, and it’s apparently like a grand to add during construction — ridiculous until you’ve wrestled a Sam’s Club haul. I poke fun about future listings touting “direct rotisserie access” and even break into a goofy do-do-do jingle about cutting a hole in the pantry. Quick, relatable, and low-effort solutions for people who buy bulk like it’s a lifestyle choice. Takeaways: I learned people are adding a tiny "Sam's Club door" from garage straight into the pantry. It's basically a two-by-two-foot hatch and builders say it costs about a thousand dollars to add. We laughed about skipping the mudroom and avoiding five trips or the classic 'lost circulation in three fingers' struggle when unloading giant bulk hauls. Sam's Club and Costco are basically shaping house design now; someday listings might even brag 'direct rotisserie access'. One contractor told us about half of his customers ask for that door once they see it, apparently. I even couldn't resist singing a goofy jingle about cutting a pantry hole and hiring a contractor to unload faster.
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#546
Thursday · 3 min
Morning 6-Pack - Top 6 Ways to Stay Safe Anywhere
Arkansas landed 46th on WalletHub’s Safest States list — yeah, fifth from the bottom, not exactly honor-roll material. WalletHub used 52 different metrics (crime, road safety, financial security, workplace safety, emergency preparedness — the whole shebang), so this is more than just “who’s got nicer sidewalks.” New England basically cleaned house — Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire and Connecticut topped the list — while Mississippi finished dead last (thank God for Mississippi, right?). So we cracked open a Morning 6-Pack: six quick, funny ways to stay safe no matter what state you’re in. I give some legit tips, some dumb jokes, and save the best punchline for the end — not spoiling the #1, you’ll have to hear it. Tune in for fast laughs, straight talk, and a countdown that might actually help you avoid trouble (or at least make you laugh while you try). Takeaways: I laughed, but WalletHub's study actually put Arkansas 46th overall, so yeah, not great. We noted the five safest states are basically New England vibes: Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Connecticut. They used fifty-two metrics including crime, road safety, financial security, workplace safety, and emergency preparedness to rank states. Our Morning 6-Pack shared quick, silly safety tips — like look both ways when Tiger's driving and carry pepper spray. I won't spoil the top tip here, but trust me, its delivery was the show's best punchline.
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#545
Thursday · 1 min
She roasted kids’ haircuts and asked for weed — allegedly
A woman in Milwaukee is accused of pretending to be a substitute teacher at Rufus King High School — and yeah, students say she walked in blasting rap, dissed kids about weight, race, looks and money, and even asked if anyone had a vape or weed. I mean, we’re talking substitute or drunk uncle at Thanksgiving? How does someone get past sign-in and into third period looking for blunts instead of teaching fractions? The kids complained and got the classic skeptical grown-up response — “whatever, go back” — so of course the real teacher comes back and asks what they learned. Their answer? No algebra, but they now know what a quarter and an eighth are. So hey, maybe not the math lesson they wanted, but technically… we did learn fractions. Takeaways: I riff on a Milwaukee woman accused of pretending to be a substitute at Rufus King High School, according to Fox 6. Students say she blasted loud rap, insulted kids' looks, race and money, and even asked if anyone had weed. I joke that she felt more like a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving than an actual teacher—total chaos. We poke fun at the school's security lapse — how did she get past sign-in and into third period? Despite the mess, I tease that students technically learned fractions when she asked for a quarter and an eighth.
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#544
Wednesday · 3 min
Morning 6-Pack - Social Influencers
We're counting down the top six things you need to know for a career as a social media influencer. I'm Haystack, and I blast through six hilarious, slightly terrifying realities about turning likes into a job — from making your parents' basement look like Dubai to slapping "maxing" onto every sentence. We riff on having a million followers but no friends, the whole nudity vs. algorithm hustle, and those insanely stupid "check challenge" stunts people do for clout. It's fast, snarky, and full of dumb jokes you'll probably steal. I won't give away the number-one mic-drop here — you gotta listen to catch the final punch. Takeaways: I joke, but I admit colleges now teach influencer skills like branding, analytics, and entrepreneurship. We point out 43% of Americans would support kids becoming influencers, while about a third absolutely oppose. I make fun, but I also say being a successful influencer is a real combo job of advertising, sales, PR, and video production. In my quick list I roast influencer hacks: basement Dubai makeovers, 'maxing' trends, follower fame with zero friends. I warn that the top tip is a reality check about career lifespan without spoiling the punchline.
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#543
Wednesday · 2 min
Alabama Bama - Bring on the Plague, I Dare Ya
The plague's getting loose and I pick up the phone like a sucker — Bama's already sure she's basically bulletproof. She walks me through her summer of medical miracles: scurvy from an all-White Claw diet, a ringworm shaped exactly like Florida, and an "internal parasite" she picked up at what she insists felt like a swim-up bar (turns out it was a flooded Waffle House). We try to figure out how any of that equals immunity and, predictably, the conversation goes gloriously off the rails. It's equal parts gross, ridiculous, and somehow deeply believable, with Bama's confidence only getting louder as the evidence gets stranger. Stick around — this one escalates quick and you'll be glad you weren't the one who answered that call. Takeaways: I answered Bama's call and she swore the plague had better watch out—she's 'bulletproof' after her summer mishaps. I listened as Bama confessed she got scurvy from an all-White Claw diet, then ringworm in the shape of Florida, and somehow lived to tell it. We debated whether a flooded Waffle House counts as a 'swim up bar' after Bama described catching an internal parasite there. I tried to gently explain how immunity actually works while Bama proudly catalogued scurvy, ringworm, and parasites as proof she's untouchable. She signed off saying her parasite likes biscuits and gravy, and honestly I'm still not sure who I'm supposed to be worried about.
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#542
Wednesday · 2 min
Elon’s Trillionaire Flex (He Sang About It)
Elon Musk is a trillionaire again — like, back to that cartoon-villain money level. Forbes says his net worth jumped a little over $30 billion in one day thanks to stock moves at SpaceX and Tesla, which is wild. I mean, I lose money at Sam’s Club and never pull off gains like that; we’re talking numbers that stop sounding real. It’s not cash in a vault though — it’s shares, so the title can evaporate just as fast, and Jeff’s sitting around $370 billion while Elon’s doing trillion-tier flexes. Oh, and he even celebrated by singing a braggy little tune — “A trillionaire again…suck it, Zuckerberg…kiss my butt, Jeff Bezos” — because why not hum your net worth aloud? We laugh, we groan, we pretend this helps our 401(k), and then we go get coffee. Takeaways: I joke that Elon being a trillionaire again makes money stop sounding real, like cartoon villain ransom. I mention Forbes reported his net worth jumped by a little over thirty billion dollars in one day. I remind listeners most of his "trillion" is stock, not cash, so it can rise and crash fast. I playfully roast Bezos and Zuckerberg, quoting the braggadocious song lines that say "suck it" and "kiss my butt". I compare Elon’s sudden trillionaire status to my Sam's Club receipts, keeping the bit relatable and self-deprecating.
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#541
Tuesday · 1 min
National Taco Day
Today is October 6 — National Taco Day — and yeah, someone actually fixed it so the holiday now falls on the first Tuesday in October, which means tacos and Taco Tuesday finally aligned. Taco Bell apparently teamed up with the National Day calendar people a few years back to make it official, because of course corporate diplomacy is a thing now. Americans chow down on more than 4.5 billion tacos a year, which sounds huge until you remember some of us eat six at a time like it’s a cardio workout. Fun fact: the word “taco” likely comes from Mexican silver miners who called little wrapped explosive charges tacos — honestly, with enough hot sauce that comparison holds up. We’re celebrating by eating tacos, making bad puns, and pretending this is the domestic policy win of the decade. Takeaways: I’m hyped — National Taco Day’s now the first Tuesday in October, so tacos and Taco Tuesday align. It used to be October 4th each year, which was chaos for scheduling taco celebrations and free-for-alls. Taco Bell teamed up with the National Day calendar folks to officially shift the holiday — bureaucratic win. Americans eat more than four and a half billion tacos every year, and I totally relate to the six-at-a-time crowd. Taco probably comes from Mexican silver miners' word for little wrapped explosives — and yeah, hot sauce makes that comparison disturbingly accurate.
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#540
Tuesday · 2 min
Now That’s What I Call Coaching
Today is National Coaches Day, so I’m celebrating (and low-key roasting) the people who stand on the sideline yelling stuff you already knew — “Move,” “Smile,” “Keep your head up.” I riff through the best dumb-but-hilarious coaching moments from Arkansas folks like Dana Altman, John L. Smith and Sam Pittman — yeah, that legendary “I didn’t know what to do” pep talk made the highlight reel. I even joke about a fake greatest-hits album, “Now That’s What I Call Coaching,” because who doesn’t want motivational wisdom remixed into pure chaos? We keep it silly, sarcastic, and loving — coaches teach discipline and teamwork, but sometimes they teach how to lose with style. Oh, and on the real note: proceeds from our gag benefit the Arkansas Edge NIL program, so laughs do some good too. Takeaways: I riff on National Coaches Day, poking fun at sideline yelling and obvious coaching clichés — “Move, get back, keep your head up.” We roast Arkansas coaching moments, joking that some coaches got real good at teaching how to lose. I pitch a fake 'Now That's What I Call Coaching' greatest-hits album, with proceeds benefitting the Arkansas Edge NIL program. I play clips of Dana Altman's excited 'I am excited' lines, Houston Dale Nut's rare 'called play' moment, John L. Smith's 'Smile', and Sam Pittman's 'I didn't know what to do'. We still tip a hat to coaches for teaching discipline, preparation, and teamwork — way more than just X's and O's.
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#539
Tuesday · 2 min
Morning 6-Pack - Hilariously Bad 'Sexy' Halloween Picks
Americans say they're sick of the "sexy" version of everything — that's the big takeaway, right up front. So we crank through a Morning 6-Pack about Halloween burnout, calling out the whole trend of turning every job into fishnets (sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy TSA... seriously?). I poke fun at people knee-deep in Joker and Harley Quinn clones and defend the poor pirate for once, while admitting I'm the kind of big guy who can only pull off Hodor. Only about one in four adults plan to dress up, but two-thirds say you're never too old to do it, so go be weird — just maybe skip the tired looks. We count down six of the least-popular "sexy" costumes; I’ll tease the list but I’m not giving away the top spot. Takeaways: I say America’s officially tired of sexy versions of everything — seriously, stop it already, people. I point out only about one in four adults actually plan to dress up this Halloween season, wild contrast. I note over two-thirds of folks still believe you’re never too old to rock a costume, embrace the chaos. I gripe that pirates, Joker lookalikes, and Harley Quinn imitators are getting seriously overdone at parties these days. In our Morning 6-Pack I roast bizarre least-popular sexy picks — some political, some gross; I won’t spoil the top spot. I admit I’m a big boy who basically can only pull off Hodor as a costume, I keep it real.
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#538
October 5 · 2 min
We’re Getting Gun Shows — Ladies’ Arms Stealing the Spotlight
The new fitness flex is literally flexing — women are making biceps the new status symbol and I am here for it. I heard about a Wall Street Journal piece where folks are posting arm selfies, rocking sleeveless fits, and even doing last-minute curls before going out. One woman says people see her arms and assume she can carry all the groceries in one trip — highest form of strength, right? Hollywood’s even in on it: Matt Damon had a biceps double in one scene, and the arms actually belonged to a woman named Devin Dalton. We joke, we swoon, we admit abs are overrated when a few curls make you look like you can move a couch solo. I riff on how arms are replacing six-packs as the easiest way to seem effortlessly powerful — and way less annoying to maintain. Takeaways: I joke that the new women's status symbol is biceps, not abs, and we love it. We riff on a Wall Street Journal piece about women flexing arms and 'emergency curls' before dates. I point out one woman's claim that strong arms get you judged as able to carry all groceries in one trip. We marvel that Matt Damon's on-screen arms were doubled by Devin Dalton because her arms looked better, wild. I tease that arms are easier than abs — a few curls, walk out like you can move a couch solo.
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#537
October 5 · 3 min
Morning 6-Pack - What Aliens Would Notice First
We’re counting down the Morning 6-Pack: the top six things aliens would say if they landed on Earth today. I riff on all the space-news hype — weird radio pulses, people getting excited, and us assuming every beep means little green pilots — then we flip it into six goofy lines those aliens might drop. We joke about sneaking a peek before Putin turns the place into a disaster, ask why everything smells like pumpkin spice, and vow that even aliens won’t miss foliage season. I even roast the whole “you look like Steve Buscemi” thing, because apparently we’re famous now. We keep it quick, sarcastic, and weird — and I save the best punchline for last, so you’ll wanna hear the number-one line straight from the saucer. Takeaways: I hype mysterious deep-space radio blips, then point out scientists almost always call them natural phenomena. We mention a recent survey where over a third of Americans say all the UFO coverage made them more likely to believe in aliens. I kick off the Morning 6-Pack with six quick, silly jokes about what aliens would say if they landed here — fast, sarcastic, and playful. We tease list highlights like the pumpkin spice gag, foliage-tour obsession, and the whole 'we look like Steve Buscemi' bit, but I don’t spoil the final punchline. I close by handing listeners a sharp top pick that roasts Earth’s chaos instead of claiming real alien contact — you gotta hear the payoff.
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#536
October 2 · 2 min
Morning 6-Pack - 6 Things I’d Make Restaurants Ban (Phones Are Just Round One)
Phones are wrecking restaurant vibes, so I'm all for phone-free sections, lockable pouches, or even bribing families with free ice cream to keep the glowboxes out. Feels like we're sliding from "smoking or non‑smoking" to "cell phone or non‑cell phone," and honestly, I kinda love it. On today's Morning 6-Pack I crack open six other things restaurants should dump besides phones. I roast stuff like that 25% tip button, jump‑scare vibrating plastic coasters, and ketchup bottles that are basically souvenir empties. I won't spoil the top pick — you'll have to stick around for that mic drop — but expect quick, sarcastic takes and a few laughs about people on speakerphone ruining your mozzarella sticks. Takeaways: I riff on restaurants needing cell-phone-free zones, lockable pouches, and even bribes like free ice cream. We joke phones are basically being compared to cigarettes now, so maybe a dedicated non-phone section makes sense. I run a quick Morning 6-Pack of other dumb restaurant annoyances, but I don't spoil the big finale here. Examples include ditching the jacked-up 25% tip button, those jumpy plastic pagers, and the Pepsi-not-Coke swaps. I roast tiny ketchup bottles and cringe-worthy half-hearted Happy Birthday performances — total mood killers at dinner.
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#535
October 2 · 2 min
If Archie Says 'Ice Cream Machine's Down,' It's Basically Human
McDonald's is spending $8.5 billion on a remodel and they're rolling out an AI drive‑thru called "Archie" to take orders, upsell you, and supposedly make sure your food actually ends up in the bag. They tried this with IBM a few years back and parked it, but now Archie’s back after what they jokingly call "remedial cheeseburger training." I'm skeptical — if Archie can reliably get my fries right and announce "the ice cream machine is down," then maybe it's officially human. I even snagged early test clips and they're a riot: Archie ID'ing a 1997 Kia Sportage, sniffing out a cannabis smell, and cheerfully recommending dollar‑menu ketchup like your overeager friend. We joke about the future of fast food, the one exhausted 17‑year‑old still manning the line, and whether a robot can do the classic "you forgot my fries" hustle better than a person. Listen for the clips — I saved the best punchlines for the audio. Takeaways: We riff on McDonald's $8.5 billion makeover and their plan to bring AI back to the drive-thru. I joke that Archie — McDonald's new AI drive-thru voice — will upsell you fries and maybe actually put them in the bag. We remind y'all they tried AI with IBM before and pulled back because it wasn't ready yet. I play early test clips where Archie gets weird — sniffs cars, suggests Whole Foods for salad orders, and clowns around. We poke fun at AI becoming 'human' only when it starts blaming the ice cream machine being down like a real worker.
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#534
October 2 · 2 min
Diddy’s prison perks? Report alleges chefs, phones & commissary payoffs
According to a new NBC report, former inmates say Sean “Diddy” Combs is basically living like a VIP in federal prison—massages, Hennessy, folks cooking his meals, doing his laundry and making his bed. We joke about prison resorts, but the story even says he’s padding commissary accounts to get favors, like the prison version of tipping a barista. Some ex-inmates allege conjugal visits and an all-inclusive vibe; his reps say the media’s exaggerating, so let’s file that under “alleged extravagance.” I’m over here thinking, who knew prison had a gig economy—“need your bunk made? there’s an app for that.” Bottom line: this 50-month sentence is sounding less like hard time and more like a very awkward vacation, and yeah, that’s wild. Takeaways: I talk about Sean Combs being in federal prison while reporters claim he's living like royalty. Reports say he's getting massages, Hennessy, and inmates cooking fancy meals for him, though reps call it exaggerated. I riff on a prison "gig economy" where he allegedly padded commissary accounts to pay folks for favors. There are even claims about conjugal visits and possible guard payoffs, so I'm careful to call those reported allegations. Bottom line: prison shouldn't come with Hennessy and a personal chef — I'm joking it's starting to sound like a resort.
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#533
October 1 · 2 min
National Pumpkin Spice Day? I’m Not Falling for It
Today is National Pumpkin Spice Day, and yeah—I’m here to mock the holiday because pumpkin spice has officially taken over my life. We trace the nonsense back a bit—McCormick was selling pumpkin pie spice in 1934 and then Starbucks dropped their pumpkin spice latte in 2020 and basically rewired fall into a foam-and-oat-milk situation. Fun fact: “pumpkin spice” barely even contains pumpkin—it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice doing all the heavy lifting while pumpkin just stands there taking credit. Now it's in everything from candles and dog treats to soap, Doritos, and yes, someone even made a pumpkin spice casket (because of course). So we salute the mysterious genius who invented artificial pumpkin spice flavor—equal parts brilliant and slightly terrifying—and I’m officially drawing the line at pumpkin spice Spam. Takeaways: I joke that National Pumpkin Spice Day is totally unnecessary, 'cause pumpkin spice already rules three months straight. We note McCormick has been selling pumpkin pie spice since 1934 — the OG autumn flex, history baby. I point out pumpkin spice isn't actually pumpkin; it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice pretending to be pie. We mock the product creep hard: coffee, cereal, candles, dog treats, soap, even a pumpkin spice casket exists now. I sarcastically salute the 'Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor' as a real American hero while I draw the line at pumpkin spice Spam.
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#532
October 1 · 2 min
Spirit Halloween: The Ghost That Haunts Leases
Halloween’s now a $13.5 billion biz, and yep, we’re weirdly spending more on spooky setups than actual candy. I’m talkin’ about folks dropping $115 on average, with about $4.4B on costumes, $4.3B on decorations and only $4.1B on candy — so your yard’s got a graveyard vibe while the trick-or-treaters get handed one sad Tootsie Roll. I remember when Halloween cost my folks twelve bucks and a pillowcase; now it’s artisanal candy and animatronic nightmares. Also, shoutout to Spirit Halloween — they pop into dead strip malls (like ghost landlords), run around 1,500 temp stores full of fog machines and severed heads, make bank, then vanish by Nov 2. We riff on all that — the retail circus, the startup cost of trick-or-treating, and whether your lawn needs a 12-foot skeleton more than your kid needs actual sugar. Takeaways: I joke that Halloween's now a $13.5 billion business—buy a disguise, then go ask strangers for snacks. We mention the average person will spend about $115 this year, which is way more than my $12 pillowcase childhood. I point out Americans spend roughly $4.4B on costumes, $4.3B on decorations, and only $4.1B on candy—decor wins. We clown on Spirit Halloween being the greatest pop-up biz: about 1,500 temporary stores sprouting in empty malls. I call them a 'commercial real estate ghost'—they move into bankrupt storefronts, sell animatronics and polyester Batman suits, then vanish.
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#533
October 1 · 3 min
Morning 6-Pack - Six Ridiculous Things to Say That Make Scammers Hang Up
I kick things off by giving you the top six things to say that'll make a scammer hang up immediately — for real, like dial tone and peace out. Americans get hit with about 25 scam messages/calls a week (nine calls, nine emails, seven texts on average), and we’ve all got like 350 things rotting in our spam folder while almost a quarter of folks admit they’ve fallen for one — so yeah, these scammers are busy. I run through six goofy, awkward, and straight-up gross lines you can use: from asking if I can talk about the role Jesus plays in my life, to offering to burp the alphabet, to doing a screaming-View impression, to asking whether something is a prolapsed anus or a hemorrhoid, to telling the story of why my high-school nickname was “Slappy.” We laugh about my own stunt of screwing with a scammer by whispering fake card digits, and we leave the very best mic-drop line — the number one — unspoiled so you actually have to listen. Tune in, get a few chuckles, and arm yourself with chaos so the next scammer disconnects faster than you can say “nice try.” Takeaways: I point out Americans get about 25 scam messages and calls weekly, nine calls, nine emails, seven texts. We talk stats: average person has roughly 350 spam emails and 23 percent admit falling for scams. I share a true goofy revenge story where I whispered fake credit card digits and blasted beeps to troll a scammer. We run a fast Morning 6-Pack of bizarre bait lines guaranteed to make scammers hang up, without spoiling the top finale. I read some of the list: offering Jesus chat, burping the alphabet, View impressions, and gross medical questions to repel callers.
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