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Doing Marriage Well

paulb5d

This blog is not Doing Marriage Right. That would be about doing what someone thinks we should all do. Your marriage is the blending of two unique people, and what works for others may not be good for you. There are things that are nearly universally successful for couples, and things that are universally harmful. For those who follow Jesus, there are some expectations and limits. But honesty, there’s a great deal of wiggle room. We’ve seen happy couples living a wide variety of different ways. If it’s in God’s will, and both husband and wife are good with it, who am I to say anything against it?

The goal here is to help you find what works well for your marriage. I will do that by offering you things to consider. As things are shared, weight them. Try those that seem like they might work for your marriage. If it’s a good fit, great. If not, ditch it, or consider how to modify it to work for your relationship.

Doing Marriage Well means actually doing what builds our marriage relationships.

It’s the doing that makes the difference!

Every Monday I share about a marriage concept and then spend the rest of the week talking about ways to use it in your life and marriage. On Friday, I will apply the concept to sexuality.

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#890
Saturday · 2 min
Beyond the Taboo: Honest Conversations About Sex, Separation, and Grace
Paul explores how married couples can responsibly manage sexual desire when a spouse is separated, ill, or otherwise unable to be intimate, recommending communication, compassion, solo release, and practical options like phone sex or toys. He urges planning ahead, choosing grace over legalism, and asks listeners to pray for Lori, who is struggling with chronic discomfort and awaits a specialist appointment.
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#888
Friday · 2 min
When You Have to Carry the Load: Grace and Sacrifice in Marriage
In this episode, Paul discusses the responsibilities of adulthood within marriage — stepping up when your spouse can’t, carrying extra loads without complaint, and offering sacrificial love. He emphasises honest communication, self-care during seasons of weakness, and the importance of reassurance rather than guilt. Paul also warns against chronic exploitation of one partner’s sacrifice and suggests seeking help if needed, while reminding listeners that difficult seasons can strengthen marriages when guided by faith.
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#887
Wednesday · 2 min
Growing Up Together: Dealing with Blame, Tantrums, and Avoidance
This episode examines common ways couples fail to 'adult' in marriage: avoiding difficult conversations, playing the blame game, refusing accountability, throwing tantrums, and using hobbies or work to avoid connection. Practical guidance is offered: address issues promptly, call out harmful behaviours, focus on increasing connection rather than limiting activities, seek help when needed, and practise grace while expecting adult responsibility in the relationship.
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#884
September 8 · 3 min
When Adulting Hurts: Mental Health, Addictions, and Boundaries
This episode explores how "adulting" can require painful but necessary choices to protect your spouse, children, and marriage, illustrated by a true story of a couple facing mental illness and recovery. Practical advice covers recognising mental-health needs, confronting addictions, setting boundaries, using interventions and recovery groups, and taking medical or legal steps when required. The episode encourages seeking help, supporting loved ones, and acting responsibly for the good of the household. Celebrate Recovery
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#882
September 7 · 1 min
When "Adulting" Gets Messy: Teamwork and Grace in Marriage
This episode explores what it means to "adult" in marriage: doing necessary tasks, sharing responsibility, and avoiding unrealistic expectations of perfection. Paul emphasises balance, grace, and teamwork—letting roles shift when life gets hard, helping each other when one partner is overwhelmed, and accepting occasional days where you simply can’t adult.
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#880
September 5 · 3 min
The High Cost of Betrayal: Healing After Infidelity
Doing marriage well (Sept 5, 2026): This episode examines the high cost of betrayal and the path to healing and accountability after infidelity, including porn and emotional affairs. It covers owning the choice to sin, ending contact with the other person, giving your spouse the information they need, the slow work of rebuilding trust and sex, and when to seek help. Includes an example of grace where confession, apology, and sacrificial love helped restore a marriage. Making zucchini brownies Both the best and the healthiest brownies you will ever eat! Zucchini Brownies INGREDIENTS • ½ cup oil (olive works well) • 1½ cups granulated sugar • 1 TBS vanilla extract • ½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder • 1½ tsp baking soda • 1 tsp salt • 2 cups all-purpose flour • 3 cups finely shredded zucchini (with liquid) • 1¼ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, divided DIRECTIONS • Preheat oven to 350°F • Line 9x13 pan with parament paper. • Mix oil, sugar, and vanilla together in a large bowl with a wood spoon or rubber scrapper. • Add cocoa, baking soda, and salt and mix to combine. • Stir in flour. Batter will be very dry. • Stir in zucchini and allow to rest for 5 minutes so the dry ingredients pull moisture from the zucchini. If it's still dry after 5 minutes, go a bit longer. • Stir in ¾ cup of the chocolate chips. • Spread into the pan, top with remaining chocolate chips, and bake for 25-35 minutes. A toothpick should come out dry. • Cool before cutting.
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#878
September 4 · 2 min
The Art of Apologising: How to Say Sorry Without Making Things Worse
This episode explains how to apologise effectively in relationships: why timing matters, how to take ownership without defensiveness, and why acknowledging impact and offering tangible repair are essential. It highlights common apology mistakes — delaying, over-explaining, minimising feelings, or tacking on grievances — and encourages short, sincere apologies focused on healing and restoration.
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#876
September 3 · 2 min
Shared History Can Repair—Or Ruin—Relationships
Episode from Doing Marriage Well (Sept 3, 2026): This episode explores how shared history can either repair or damage relationships. It advises intentionally recalling positive memories, journaling happy moments, and using those memories to shift perspective and rebuild connection. It also discusses how past hurts can be magnified when we’re hurting now, and encourages examining patterns, learning from previous breakups, and asking whether you are the common denominator. The episode closes by urging listeners to bathe their reflections in prayer and consider whether restoring the relationship is worth effort and change.
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#875
September 2 · 3 min
When the Problem is the Other Person
This episode examines 1 Corinthians 13 and applies its principles—patience, kindness, restraint, hope, and endurance—to situations where one partner is the main source of problems. It stresses that love does not mean accepting abuse, encourages patience and kindness while waiting for change, and advises seeking help or leaving when patterns are harmful or unchanging.
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#872
September 1 · 2 min
Six Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Sept 1, 2026), Paul outlines six ways we sabotage our relationships—selfishness, pettiness, pride, refusing the cost of doing what's right, demanding what we think we deserve, and making harmful assumptions. He offers practical questions, Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), and a faith-based call to own your part, apologise, and seek God’s help to rebuild connection and trust.
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#870
August 31 · 3 min
Adults Acting Like Children Destroy Relationships
Paul explores how pride, fear, and immaturity make adults magnify small slights and wreck marriages, friendships, and church relationships. Drawing on Philippians 4:2–3 and pastoral experience, he urges listeners to recognise their part, choose humility, and work toward reconciliation.
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#868
August 29 · 3 min
Learn how arousal non-concordance affects marriage, why physical and mental arousal don't always match, and how to navigate it together.
This episode defines arousal non-concordance — when the body and brain are out of sync — and gives everyday examples (morning erections, body arousal without mental desire) that can occur for men and women. It explains how mismatched signals between partners can lead to confusion, hurt, or unwanted sex, and clarifies that physical signs like erections or wetness don’t mean mental desire. Practical advice includes talking openly about arousal, asking and saying when you’re aroused, using lube and going slow when the body is there but the mind isn’t, and respecting each partner’s choice while practising generosity.
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#867
August 28 · 2 min
Why He Holds Back and How It Hurts the Marriage
This episode explores why many men understate or suppress their sexual desire—due to comparison, societal messages, or guilt—and how that withholding damages intimacy and satisfaction in marriage. Paul reviews research on mismatched drives and common coping strategies that fall short, and urges couples (and especially the lower-drive partner) to acknowledge the problem and practice generosity to rebuild connection.
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#864
August 27 · 2 min
Measuring the Immeasurable: Vital, Intangible Things Your Spouse Needs
This episode explores the vital but hard-to-measure emotional needs spouses have—appreciation, trust, emotional and intellectual connection, shared life, physical presence, and sincere apologies. Paul invites listeners to reflect on which needs feel lacking in their marriage and to consider giving and asking for these things more intentionally.
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#863
August 26 · 2 min
The 5 and Beyond: Providing What Your Spouse Really Needs
In this Doing Marriage Well episode (August 26, 2026), Paul examines the five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—and how they reveal what spouses truly need. Using personal examples, he explains how needs can change over time, warns against manipulation, and urges listeners to intentionally give their partner what feeds them so their marriage can thrive.
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#860
August 25 · 2 min
Why You Might Be Misjudging Your Marriage Needs
In this episode Paul explains why we often misjudge our marriage needs — how stress, fatigue, guilt, upbringing, and comparison can hide or amplify what we require from our spouse. He emphasises that different needs are valid, that circumstances can temporarily raise needs, and that offering more than the minimum is a generous, protective way to care for one another.
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#858
August 24 · 2 min
Are You Emotionally Dehydrated? Running on Empty in Marriage
In this episode (Doing Marriage Well — August 24, 2026), Paul uses physical dehydration as a metaphor for emotional dryness in marriage. He explains how our bodies — and our relationships — can stop signaling needs as we age, and why early passion can mask declining attention to what truly sustains connection. Paul invites listeners to examine whether they or their spouse have lost the “thirst” for what they need—more touch, conversation, or care—and encourages intentional replenishment so marriage doesn’t run on empty. Practical water-intake guidance and a link to more resources are noted in the show notes. A note on water intake: Healthy men living in normal circumstances need 15.5 cups (3.7 litres) of fluid a day. For women it’s 11.5 cups (2.7 litres). Normally about 20% of this intake comes from food, leaving a daily beverage goal of roughly 13 cups (3 L) for men and 9 cups (2.1 L) for women. For more, see Water: How much should you drink every day?
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#856
August 21 · 2 min
Becoming One Flesh: Navigating Sexual Differences in Marriage
Paul explores how sexual experiences and preferences formed before marriage can create frustration and mismatch in the bedroom, and why calm, honest conversations matter. He offers practical advice: husbands should prioritise their wife’s pleasure, wives should be bold about their needs, try new things together, and seek help when needed (see Marriage Bed Forms in the show notes). If you want help with your sex life, consider The Marriage Bed Forum
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#854
August 20 · 2 min
Working Toward Common Goals Strengthens Your Marriage
This episode explains how creating a shared vision strengthens marriage by turning individual preferences into a united purpose. It shows how to focus on common goals (like raising children who are responsible), distinguish strong desires from weak preferences, and negotiate realistic plans through compromise, backup options, or a better third way. Practical advice includes seeking experienced advice, trying one approach while keeping others in reserve, and praying together as you plan a path from where you are to where you want to be.
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#853
August 19 · 2 min
Preserving Your Marriage When Convictions Clash
This episode explores how differences in convictions—ranging from sports and politics to conspiracy theories and faith—can strain a marriage. It offers practical steps: agree not to argue about volatile topics, respect your spouse’s boundaries, pray and seek outside influence, and prioritize safety and mutual decency. The program references 1 Corinthians 7 (staying with an unwilling spouse if they are willing and it’s safe) and emphasises offering grace, avoiding attempts to force change, and protecting your relationship when core beliefs collide.
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