Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard?

And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us -- we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply.

Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

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428 episodes
Updated Friday
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Episodes428

Newest first

Nov 24, 2023 · 55 min
284: Is cheating (including emotional affairs) correlated with Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Jason Lange)
Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power. Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on. In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.” To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like: What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship? How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship? Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so? Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode: “I wasn’t taught to attune to myself, or advocate for myself.” ‘“Life just happening to us’ (as Nice Guys) vs. ‘I have the power to impact my life.’” “Confrontational tolerance is critical.” “It tends to bring guys alive.” Mentioned on this episode: Dear Men episode 128: Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder Dear Men episode 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything -- this is the one I reference, where we talk about emotional neglect 250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange -- this one explores the concept of polarity as well as reverse polarity
Nov 17, 2023 · 1 hr 6 min
283: How to go from stuck ... to unstuck ... to THRIVING (ft. Brian Johnson of Heroic)
"What should I do with my life?" It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around. Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing. But how the hell do you figure it out?! It isn't always easy. Enter Brian Johnson, who has worked with elite athletes, Navy SEALs, the CEO of Whole Foods, Phil Stutz (psychiatrist to the stars), and thousands more. He's successful, driven, and very passionate about helping everyone know how to answer the question, and go from stuck to unstuck to thriving. Traditional sex and relationship advice won't cover this, but if you want women to desire you on a deep level -- sexually as well as in a relationship -- this isn't one to miss. --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode: "You’re supposed to enter the forest at the darkest spot, and sometimes Life throws you into that spot." "It’s laser tag; do I really need instructions??" "The most elite performers in the world have the most coaches." "Love is the hero’s secret weapon." “Action drives creativity.” --- Mentioned on this episode: Brian's book: Areté
Nov 10, 2023 · 49 min
282: Anal sex! Yep, we’re talkin’ about it. (ft. Sara)
Ever wanted to explore the dark side of the moon? ;) If you've ever been curious about anal sex -- or enjoy it already and want to hear what others have to say -- this one's for you. Here we hear from one woman who really enjoys anal, and another who hasn’t had great experiences with it (yet). We also talk a lot about how to open up a conversation with your partner about it (i.e. how do you say, "I'd like to try anal sex. Would you?"). And we cover the shame that can be inherent in wanting to try a new sex act, whether that's anal sex or something else. Anal sex isn’t just for women, either! We also discuss men who enjoy receiving anal stimulation, whether that's anal sex or prostrate massage. Yay, healthy, connected sex and pleasure! Mentioned on this episode: Please Her in Bed, my streaming course on sex Maude, the sexual intimacy company with the awesome lube --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode: "Everybody's got an anus." "Pussy juice!" "For me to feel safe having anal sex with a man, it would require more trust and intimacy than vaginal sex." "It takes the most prep and intention going into it." "We were doing it doggy style and he said, 'Can I stick it in your ass?'"
Nov 3, 2023 · 55 min
281: How do I say, 'I need you to have more support outside of just me?' (ft. Jason Lange)
One pattern we've often seen in our clients (and lived ourselves) is feeling like our partner needs us in order to feel OK. This can start to feel like a burden, especially if it's a constant pattern. The truth is, it is each partner’s responsibility to tend to their nervous systems and be able to regulate their emotions enough to be able to regularly come to the relationship with presence and energy. But what do you do when someone's going through a hard time, or they've gotten used to leaning on you for support? This kind of thing can affect a dating or long-term relationship, and it tends to impact everything in your dynamic (including the sex). Here, we go through the ins and outs of this pattern, including its origins and how you can start to address it proactively with a love partner. Memorable quotes from this episode: “When she was feeling down, she needed a lot of support and attention from me.” “One partner can often keep giving and giving and giving and get burnt out.” “One of the benefits of relationship is co-regulation.” “She felt rejected because I needed to take space.” "It’s fair to say, 'I need you to have meaningful support outside the relationship in order to feel secure in our connection.'" --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Oct 27, 2023 · 1 hr
280: How do I tell my partner I want something different? (ft. Jason Lange)
Ahhh, the conundrum: Your partner does something you don't like but you don't know how to say so, so you just let it ride (and resentment builds). Or there's something you do want from her ... but you don't know how to say it. This can also sound like, "How do I tell my partner I want something without seeming demanding?" or, "How do I share my needs without being needy?" or, "How do I tell her [something hard] without pissing her off, or having her feeling judged??" Real talk: Most of us didn't have healthy communication role-modeled to us in our family of origin. So when these kinds of things happen, we don't know what to say: Your dating partner wants to hang out this Friday evening, but you want alone time You want to try something new in sex with your wife, but have no idea how to bring it up Your woman partner is going through a hard time and has been leaning on you a lot, and you need a break --- The good news? This is doable. You can learn how to communicate your needs skillfully in relationship, and it makes all the difference. Whether it's about sex, dating, or a relationship issue, the freedom to bring up and hold space for challenging subjects is not only deeply masculine, but of deep service in the world. Memorable quotes from this episode: "I guess I’ll just tolerate it." "Under every complaint is a desire." "Sharing desire is inherently vulnerable." "We have to teach our partners how to love us." --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Oct 20, 2023 · 1 hr 7 min
279: "You don’t have to be with someone who makes you feel like sh*t every day!" (ft. Jeff & Allison from the Love & Sex Podcast)
Ever felt stuck in a sexless or passionless relationship? Or craved more in a relationship but didn't know how to get there? Then you're going to love this episode. Allison and Jeff were both in sexless marriages before they got together. And as is almost always the case, sex is about more than just the sex -- it's also about connection, intimacy, joy, fire, and aliveness. The lack of it can feel stifling, or even soul-crushing. As Jeff put it, "I wasn’t with someone that made me feel good about myself ... It was like what you didn’t do wasn’t good enough; what you did do wasn’t good enough.” And in Allison's words, "When I say there was no passion ... there was no passion. At some point I realized we really had no relationship that didn't involve our children." But don't worry! Their story has a happy ending. They went from bad situations to finding one another, and now they have all kinds of wonderful, connected, kinky, delightful sex. :) How'd they do it? Listen on. Memorable quotes from this episode: “One day I woke up and said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’” "I wasn’t happy but I didn’t realize how unhappy I was." "I didn’t even feel like I needed sex … until that marriage ended." "How many dicks did you have out at one point?!" "Every nerve on my body works." --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Oct 13, 2023 · 1 hr 7 min
278: Need a breakthrough? Try breathwork. (ft. Luke Adler)
In my work with men, I often find that stuck or stagnant energy is blocking success in a man's life. He's not getting what he wants in sex, connection, intimacy, or all of the above -- and he doesn't know what to do about it. Whether it's a single man struggling with sexual shame, a married man trying to figure out why it's so hard for him to lead his wife, or a man who's dating and noticing that he gets really triggered when he feels criticized by a woman (even if he knows intellectually that she's not trying to criticize him), the root cause is often the same: Unprocessed "stuff." Carrying around trauma is like walking through life weighed down by a backpack full of rocks. You don't always realize it's there until you're freed from it. And the truth is, women are magnetically drawn to men who are relaxed and grounded in their bodies. That kind of relaxed and open state doesn't just happen, and it's not something you're either born with or not. There are things you can do to get there. When it comes to processing trauma, shame, or just general stuckness, talking has limited efficacy. That's part of why you may not have gotten the results you were looking for through talk therapy or couples counseling. It's usually when we work the body (oh hi, somatic therapy) that we truly experience breakthroughs. Or as my guest, Luke Adler, puts it: "The beauty of breathwork is that you add tremendous fuel and bypass the mind." Memorable quotes from this episode: "We men have been acculturated to be thickened up." "It made clear where things were really working in my life and where they weren’t." "Whatever system is stagnant — it’s going to move." "People’s pace needs to be honored." --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Oct 6, 2023 · 1 hr 10 min
277: Want to maximize polarity? Learn to do this well. (ft. Jason Lange)
Here's some potent relationship advice: Learn to be skillful with transitions! If you've ever been in a dating relationship or long-term, committed relationship, you've likely experienced the chaos that ensues if you don't handle transitions well. For example, if you come home from work and you're not actually ready to be present with your wife or kids, it's likely someone will be pissed. ;) Transitions are about more than just that scenario, though. They're relevant in the early stages of dating all the way up to marriage. Many a married client come to us because he wants MORE in his partnership. He wants to show up well with his wife, and for her to feel good with him. He wants to inspire trust, connect with her sexually in a satisfying way (both for her and for him), and have her be able to truly surrender to him. This kind of close, sexy dynamic requires healthy, vibrant polarity. And if you're all about that good, good polarity with your partner, you need to know how to handle transitions well. Let's talk about it! Memorable quotes from this episode: "I don’t know if I want to take things deeper, so I’m just not going to talk about things." "She didn’t want him to be there if he didn’t want to be there." "I felt safer in the relationship because I knew that I wasn't the only one tracking things going on with us." --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Sep 29, 2023 · 1 hr 7 min
276: I may want an open relationship. How do tell my partner? (ft. Dr. Joli Hamilton)
"I’m curious about open relationships. How do I talk to my partner about it?" This is one of those thorny sex & relationship topics that a lot of us tread lightly around. We know it's sensitive, and if we're past the dating phase (i.e. we're married/in a long-term committed relationship), it can feel like the stakes are high. Like if we even raise the question, we could jeopardize this relationship that means a lot to us. If you've ever wondered how to bring up possibly opening up your relationship without hurting or offending your partner, you're in good company. Many people who are interested in the concept of open relationships are at a loss when it comes to talking about it with their partner. Here, we go over common mistakes people make when bringing this subject up with a relationship partner, and how to do it in a compassionate way -- a way that makes it clear this is an invitation, and not an ultimatum. (And obviously when it comes to good sex, dating, and relationship advice, ultimatums are rarely the answer!) We also get into an entertaining story of how NOT to do it, which includes a hot night of clubbing followed by the shower from hell. ;) Memorable quotes from this episode: “Monogamy is all I knew.” “Some people took this crush thing to another level.” “The thought, ‘I’m not enough’ exploded in his brain.” “Sexual autonomy is a thing some people want.” --- Mentioned on this episode: Dr. Joli's work can be found here (www.jolihamilton.com/) The "done for you" conversation referenced can be found here (www.jolihamilton.com/easy) --- Work with me Ready to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Sep 22, 2023 · 52 min
275: What's life like as an erotica writer? (ft. Ruan Willow)
When we think about sexy turn-ons and arousal -- especially when we're engaging in solo play -- many of us think about visual porn. The numbers bear this out: according to Psychology Today, 80% of men and 26% of women have watched internet porn within the last week. But what about other ways of being turned on? Specifically, what about erotica? It turns out a whole bunch of men are into audio porn (oh hi, ASMR) as well as story-based erotica and erotic fiction. This week's guest is an erotic fiction author, voiceover artist, and podcaster who writes erotic stories! We talk about turn-ons, the difference between visual porn and erotica, and how a giantess using a man's entire body as a dildo can be a huge turn-on. Memorable quotes from this episode: “Holy shit, what the F have I been missing?” “Erotica and audiobooks are immersion, and infinite instead of finite.” “They got tired of porn, so they started to explore erotic romance.” Work with us Ready to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Sep 15, 2023 · 54 min
274: How do you make sure you're not coming off as creepy? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]
How do you know if you're being creepy? For many of our clients, the fear of making a woman uncomfortable -- or being seen as creepy -- can be debilitating or even paralyzing. These men are often concerned that they're "bad" just for wanting sex (hint: You're not. You're just human.). If you've ever been afraid of being perceived as creepy or a pervert, you're not alone -- even men in relationships have this fear. Much of it stems from early childhood experiences, including religious trauma. And fortunately there's a lot you can do about this. Here, we go into what it actually means to be creepy (including my own personal share of a bad experience I had with a man, vs. ones where I've felt safe and comfortable), as well as how you can start to own your own sexuality in a more healthy and straightforward way. Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term committed relationship like a marriage, there's something here for you. Sex, self-acceptance, shame, and love are all connected. Memorable quotes from this episode: "I don't want to be a #MeToo guy." "Healthy sexuality is a part of your humanity." "There's often a shame match, where a man with shame attracts a shame-inducing partner." "As men grow and reclaim parts of themselves that have been denigrated, they attract different kinds of women." "I can have the kind of relationship I want!" Work with us If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Sep 8, 2023 · 1 hr 1 min
273: 3 myths about self-love ... and why it matters *so much* in relationship (ft. Megan Bhatia)
Ever found yourself resentful of a relationship partner? Maybe you feel like you're always giving and never getting much in return. Perhaps you've seen her as selfish, not providing you with the respect, love, attention, or sex you need in order to feel connected. Everyone has heard, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself," but what does loving yourself actually mean? Hint: It's not just taking bubble baths or treating yourself to fancy pastries. Self-love is the bedrock of relationship, and it's deeply related to resentment, fulfillment, and -- perhaps unexpectedly -- parenting. It's also linked to healthy sex, dynamic dating, and honest relationships. Whether you're currently in a romantic relationship, want to be in a relationship, or are somewhere in between, this is a critical skill to build. There are 3 myths about self-love. Can you guess what they are? Memorable quotes from this episode: "Oh my God, I don’t even love myself, and this could be driving some of our relationship patterns." "It was like a low-level sadness, like something was missing in my life but I didn’t know what it was." "Anything I didn’t deem as a positive emotion, I didn’t make space for ... and that translated to my kids." "We are never the same self; you are always relating to a different self." "'I’ve got to work harder' is a trigger thought" “I need novelty.” --- From this episode: Megan’s podcast: Amory (amorypodcast.com) Megan’s mini-course on self-love ( Our retreat, The Nature of Relating, in Costa Rica, Nov 9-14. Use code FRIENDOFMEL for $200 off (https://tinyurl.com/2p2ykrkz) --- Work with us Ready to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) More upcoming live events: The Heart of Shadow program run by Jason & Luke starts Sept 19th and includes a live retreat Oct 18-22. Dear Men listeners get 10% off tuition here: melaniecurtin.com/shadow
Sep 1, 2023 · 1 hr 15 min
272: Your woman wants you to tussle with her. Yes, really. (ft. Dr. Robert Glover) [replay]
Let's be real: For many men, it's often hard to figure out women. Moods change quickly, and often you know something is going on but you're not sure what (or how to find out). It's also hard when you feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her. Here we talk about feminine testing, and what it means to play with it by tussling. When she pushes your boundaries or overreacts to something seemingly small, what's really going on? Why does she seem to pick fights sometimes, but other times melt in your arms? And more importantly, how do you handle this in a way that actually builds connection for both of you? Hint: If you don't want negative emotional tension in your relationship, you need to get skilled at positive emotional tension. Whether you're dating, in a long-term relationship like a marriage, or anywhere in between, positive emotional tension helps with everything from connection to sex to a really hot date night. We also outline the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension — and abuse. To be in healthy relationship you must know the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and how to avoid partners with that patterning. We also delve into loving, conscious dominance -- which frequently leads to smokin' hot sex. ;) Memorable quotes from this episode: "Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!" We all get needy.” “If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.” Mentioned on this episode: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron
Aug 25, 2023 · 1 hr 16 min
271: GirlTalk: What makes a woman truly trust a man? [replay]
If you want a woman to fully surrender to you, you've got to inspire deep trust in her. This includes sexually -- a woman who deeply trusts her man is infinitely more likely to open up when it comes to sex. And most men want to be trusted. They want to be satisfying to their partner sexually, emotionally, and physically. They want their partner to feel safe with them. Trust is the basis of safety, upon which relationship thrives, but it's not always easy to grasp what it means to be trustable. So here we talk about it! Four of us women reveal what it takes for a man to be deeply trustable to us. We share personal stories of times we didn't trust a man (and why), as well as times we felt deep trust and connection. There are a lot of commonalities amongst our stories. In a world where so many women feel unsafe with so many men, being a trustable man and partner is one of the ways you can stand out. Whether you're dating, married, or starting out in a new relationship, there are quality lessons here.
Aug 18, 2023 · 1 hr 3 min
270: What is shadow work, and how does it make you sexier? (ft. Luke Adler & Jason Lange)
Shadow work is popular in the personal growth community, and for good reason — it can be deeply transformational. Many people report deeper and more lasting shifts with shadow work than with years of talk therapy. But what’s talked about less often is how sexy shadow work can make you. As a woman who has sex with men, I can attest to this — a man who does real shadow work is hot. Period. Here, Jason and I join forces with Luke Adler, doctor of Chinese medicine, healer, and men’s coach, to talk all things shadow work, sex, relationships, masculine identity, and the freedom that comes from doing deep work with trustable people. Dear Men listeners get 10% off registration using the coupon codes in the link below. Memorable quotes from this episode: "Actual table flip!“ Mentioned on this episode: melaniecurtin.com/shadow
Aug 11, 2023 · 1 hr 19 min
269: What women truly crave from men (ft. Jason Lange)
In our work with men who have sex with women, we've noticed a few distinct categories. There are three specific archetypes of men we see most commonly, and here we outline their patterns. We do this in part because I want to reveal the deep yearning on the part of a lot of women who relate with men romantically. While the themes discussed in this episode are relayed in the frame of men who relate with women romantically, and vice versa (many of whom identify as heterosexual/straight), I believe there's a universal human longing at play. Here we talk about the three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the category that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being. Evolutionary Men Retreat Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got 3 slots left. Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here. Work with us If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Aug 4, 2023 · 1 hr 7 min
268: A woman’s biggest fear (and how you can help) (ft. Violet Lange)
Want a woman to feel deeply, profoundly, extraordinarily safe with you? Able to surrender fully, relaxing all the way into your arms, allowing her body to open to you in ways you never knew were possible? Then you need to know about this. Whether you're dating or in a long-term committed relationship, there's an underlying fear that, according to Violet, who has worked with hundreds of women and heard from thousands, 99% of women have. It's a fear you may share. And if it's not addressed, it can block intimacy, whether that's in sex or other relationship dynamics. The good news? You can learn to address it skillfully -- and this can profoundly shift a dynamic within a relationship. If you've been looking for the best relationship advice ever, it might just be this. ;) Memorable quotes from this episode: "I’m not going to be THAT girl." "I don't care what my fling thinks, but I don't want my partner to think I'm a trashy whore." "I’m too needy, bossy, driven. I’m too fat, too slutty, too crazy." --- Evolutionary Men Retreat It's happening! Come join us. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got 4 slots left. Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here. --- Also mentioned on this episode: Violet's Wild Sensuality retreat Dear Men podcast episode 128: Feel like you're always walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
Jul 28, 2023 · 1 hr 5 min
267: What do you do if your masculine role models sucked? (ft. Jason Lange)
How did you learn to be a man? From whom did you learn, and what did they impart? More importantly, if this isn't how you want to be now, how you grow beyond what you learned? We learn how to be who we are from our parents and other caregivers. If you grew up with men who were absent, alcoholics, abusive, or just not emotionally attuned, then there are gaps in your knowledge. Here we talk about how to fill those in -- and how to replace bad role models with good ones. A few things we cover in this episode: Passive dad/absent dad vs. volatile dad What do to do if you don't want to be "that guy" -- the angry guy, the shut-down guy, the guy who makes women uncomfortable Growing up with women who badmouthed men ("Don't be like your father") The power of men's work --- Not mentioned on this episode but still wanted to mention it here -- there's a YouTube channel called, "Dad, how do I?" and it's great. It's by a man who didn't grow up with a good dad, and it's all about how to do basic things (like shaving).
Jul 21, 2023 · 52 min
266: How do you get to breakthrough? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]
Do you know you have trauma stuck in your body, but you're not sure how to move it? Perhaps you're aware that your issues are in your tissues, but you don't know what to do about it. If anyone knows what it's like to feel stuck around sex, dating, and relationships, it's Jason. He was a late bloomer, self-proclaimed Nice Guy, and didn't feel successful with women for a long time -- didn't even have sex for the first time until his late 20s. Plus, even outside of relationships, for most of his life he felt like something was ... missing. Like his life was just sort of happening to him. He wanted something else, something more, but didn't know how to get there. Then he went to a live workshop where a men's work mentor rocked his world. In just twenty minutes of in-depth work, he got to a place that 3 full years of talk therapy hadn't touched. It was transformational. If you've ever felt stuck or numb as a man, you're not alone. And you can break out of it. Sometimes it just takes some support to get there. Evolutionary Men Retreat It's happening! Come join us. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got a few slots left. Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here.
Jul 14, 2023 · 1 hr 6 min
265: What if she's got a sexual trauma background? How do you help? (ft. Violet Lange) [replay]
If you want a thriving, connected sex life with your partner, but feel like something's in the way ... it could be sexual trauma. The fact is, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are survivors of child sexual abuse. To put that in perspective, that's 42 million women and 21 million men in the US alone. The bad news? We don't talk about this nearly enough, so it can feel overwhelming and scary to address. The good news? It is addressable, and no matter who you are or what happened, you can have a beautiful, connected, and deeply fulfilling sex life. It just takes some work to get there. Here we talk about how you, as a man who has sex with women, can identify the signs that a partner may have a sexual trauma background If you've ever been with a partner who seems to check out during sex (disassociates), tends to avoid sex altogether, or has certain triggers (like certain lighting or movements on your part that cause her to tense up), it could be this. We also talk about how to bring it up and talk about it in a way that feels safe and welcoming. It's a sensitive topic and it takes a lot of trust for a woman to tell you this is part of their history (and vice versa — it takes a lot of trust for you, as a man, to let her know if you're a survivor). Knowing more about how to respond well and help to lead and guide the conversation will only help you expand and embody the healthy masculine. A vital truth is that if your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), it affects your sex life — meaning it impacts both of you. We also discuss how you can support your woman and also address your own sexual needs (without coming off as ignorant or insensitive). Because when it comes down to it, we all want to love one another as best we can. And sex is a big part of that. Books referenced in this episode: • Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine & Ann Frederick • In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate Ready to go beyond the podcast? We love working with men who are ready to do the work! If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)