But For Real

Parapsychology & the Science of the Paranormal with Courtney M. Block 👻

What if we told you that actual scientists are studying ghosts, near-death experiences, and other paranormal phenomena—and publishing their findings in peer-reviewed journals? 👀👻 Before you roll your eyes or start shopping for a spirit box, hear us out. This week, we're joined by Courtney M. Block, librarian, paranormal researcher, and author of Inside the World's Haunted Libraries and The Encyclopedia of Parapsychology. We're diving into the fascinating world of parapsychology, exploring how to balance scientific skepticism with genuine curiosity, why we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss experiences we can't explain, and what makes libraries such perfectly haunting places. Plus, Courtney shares a seriously spooky personal experience, we contemplate whether it's actually the living doing the haunting, and we get into a little Florence + The Machine-fueled feminine rage. Because obviously. What You'll Learn: 👻 Is paranormal research actually legit? From Victorian séances to scientific studies of ESP and other unexplained phenomena. 🔬 Can you be skeptical AND open-minded? How to stay curious without believing everything (or dismissing everything). 🧠 Does everything need an explanation? Why honoring strange experiences matters, even when we don't know what caused them. 🚗 Can intuition warn us about danger? Courtney shares a chilling personal story involving a strange dream and a near-miss. 📚 Why are libraries so freaking haunting? The fascinating connection between ghosts, memory, consciousness, and the spaces we inhabit. Resources Mentioned: Courtney M. Block's books and author page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B08CRKQ6V3 Connect with Courtney on Instagram Inside the World's Haunted Libraries — Courtney M. Block The Encyclopedia of Parapsychology — Courtney M. Block Researching the Paranormal — Courtney M. Block Incidents Around the House by Josh Malerman — Courtney's spooky-season book recommendation Kindred Spirits with Amy Bruni and Adam Berry — Courtney's paranormal TV recommendation “Everybody Scream” by Florence + The Machine — Courtney's pick for Now That's What I Call… OKAAAAY! Valerie's Good News Network article Connect with Us: Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Let’s Look at Our Brains! 🧠 The Power of Neurofeedback with Cory Williams

What if putting a bunch of electrodes on your head could tell us something about your anxiety, attention, or how your brain works? Is this legit neuroscience, or are we about to accidentally join a cult? 🫠 We've all heard the internet wellness gurus telling us to "rewire our brains," but WTF does that actually mean? This week, we're joined by Cory Williams, MS, BCN, qEEG-D, a neurofeedback and brain mapping specialist at Nashville Family Wellness, to separate the actual science from the wellness-industrial-complex nonsense. We're breaking down what brain mapping can (and can't!) tell us, how neurofeedback works, and whether these approaches can actually help with things like ADHD, anxiety, depression, and trauma. Plus, we're getting into the fascinating possibilities of using brain activity to help guide mental health treatment—and why a fancy brain scan doesn't tell the whole story. And because we're us, there's also some Kacey Musgraves fangirling, deeply unhinged Nutter Butter marketing, and a healthy dose of nerdiness along the way. What You’ll Learn: 09:58 – What qEEG brain mapping actually measures (and what it doesn't). 13:33 – How neurofeedback works and what the research says about its effectiveness. 21:39 – Why a brain map can't diagnose mental illness on its own. 22:20 – Whether brain mapping can help guide mental health treatment and medication decisions. 29:50 – How trauma and neuroplasticity relate to brain functioning. 39:30 – How to tell whether neurofeedback is actually working—and separate legitimate neuroscience from overhyped wellness claims. Resources Mentioned: 🌈✨ Kacey Musgraves’ Official Website Deep Questions with Cal Newport 🍪🫠 Nutter Butter’s Unhinged Instagram 🐉 Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy Saving Honeybees from Pesticides Connect with Cory: Cory Williams, MS, BCN, qEEG-D — Nashville Child & Family Wellness Learn more about Cory and his work in qEEG assessment, biofeedback, neurofeedback, and neuromodulation. Nashville Child & Family Wellness Center website Nashville Child & Family Wellness Center on IG: @nashvillefamilywellness Connect with Us: Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

The One About People-Pleasing 🫣

When someone asks what you want and your automatic response is “I don’t care, whatever you want”… even though you absolutely DO care… congrats, babe. We might need to talk about people pleasing. 😬 In this episode, we’re breaking down why so many of us are more comfortable disappointing ourselves than disappointing someone else. We talk about where people-pleasing behaviors come from, how they differ from simply being kind or considerate, and how to start tolerating the discomfort of having needs, saying no, and—gasp—letting someone be disappointed in you. Because the goal isn’t to stop caring about other people. It’s to remember that you’re one of the people whose feelings matter, too. What’s in the Episode: 00:00 — Welcome + People Pleasing 101 01:29 — Tea & Crumpets 05:28 — The DSM: People Pleasing, Fawning + Boundaries 37:15 — Now That’s What I Call— OKAYY! 41:41 — Fire Dumpster Phoenix 46:20 — Wrap-Up Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Chellie Carlson Chellie Carlson on Instagram The Five-Star Weekend on Peacock “Same Drugs” by Chance the Rapper “Paper Bag” by Fiona Apple Good News Network — Nashville songwriter rescuing foxes with mange Good News Network — Hotel staff gives lost stuffed animal the VIP treatment Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes: https://gaiacenter.co/podcast Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ButForRealPod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155 Send us a story for The Lore segment: https://forms.gle/K1i2XH4NCWSdAPVL6 Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment: https://forms.gle/yHiMjMQPyuxtwDun8 Connect with us on IG: https://instagram.com/butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter Val on IG: https://www.instagram.com/existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: https://www.gaiacenter.co/ DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

WTF is Forest Therapy with Georgia Bromehead 🌲

What if you know you’re supposed to touch grass… but you don’t particularly enjoy bugs, dirt, hiking, sweating, or being outside unless it’s approximately 72 degrees with a light breeze? 😌🌿 This week, Val and Em sit down with forest therapy guide (and Emerson's grad school friend/ cohort mate) Georgia Bromehead to talk about what “connecting with nature” actually means when you’re living in a city, glued to a screen, overwhelmed by climate change, or simply not an Outdoors Person™. And good news: you do not need to buy hiking boots, memorize bird calls, or disappear into the wilderness for three days. Georgia breaks down forest therapy as a slow, relational practice rather than another wellness task to optimize, including how something as simple as holding a blade of grass, sitting with a houseplant, watching a candle flame, or noticing one tiny piece of the living world around you can help rebuild connection. We also get into eco-anxiety and ecological grief, why despair about the planet is not automatically something to pathologize, and how staying connected to the Earth can actually help us stay engaged rather than shutting down. Basically: consider this your permission slip to microdose nature. This episode covers: (00:00) Meet Georgia Bromehead — forest therapy, nature connection, and touching grass in the age of AI (02:00) Tea & Crumpets — analog habit trackers, archetypes, and Disney World (07:00) Step Into My Office — what if you just… don’t like nature? (10:00) Microdosing Nature — houseplants, botanical gardens, and starting tiny (14:00) What Is Forest Therapy? — forest bathing, sensory awareness, and getting out of your head (17:00) Bodies Without Performance — embodiment, agency, and letting your nervous system chill (20:00) Eco-Anxiety + Planet Grief — caring deeply without drowning in despair (26:00) Nature + Attachment — why trees can offer a surprisingly sturdy kind of support (28:00) Start With Your Senses — a low-pressure way to practice presence anywhere (31:00) Nature in the Therapy Room — regulation, intuition, and decentering the therapist (32:00) ...but for REAL — come to your senses (33:00) Now That’s What I Call— OKAYY! — “Let’s Not Shit Ourselves” by Bright Eyes (36:00) Dumpster Fire Phoenix — finding agency, community, and some genuinely good news (39:00) Rapid Fire Q&A — apps, guilty pleasures, surviving the woods, and Nashville ramen slander ...but for REAL: Eco-anxiety isn’t automatically a sign that something is wrong with you. Sometimes it’s evidence that you are paying attention to something painful and real. The goal isn’t to “fix” your grief, stay hopeful 24/7, or single-handedly recycle your way out of climate collapse. It’s to let yourself feel the heartbreak, rage, beauty, and wonder—and find ways to stay in relationship with the world instead of numbing out from it. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette: https://jungchicago.org/product/moore-compilation-within-mp3/ Robert Moore archetypes lectures on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGQCeQzETqo&list=PL879965yJx44OcJaYHi1fO5IZRH7Fie0F Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center — indoor gardens and atriums: https://www.marriott.com/en-us/hotels/bnago-gaylord-opryland-resort-and-convention-center/overview/ Missouri Botanical Garden: https://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/ Let's Not Shit Ourselves by Bright Eyes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCxgTf4Iv88 Now That’s What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155 Connect with Georgia: Georgia’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forest_therapy_nashville/ Georgia’s forest therapy offerings/resources: https://foresttherapynashville.com/ BIO While teaching English in Japan, Georgia marveled at the cultural nature connection and rhythmic living. Inspired, she found the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy (ANFT) website. A new way to connect with nature for adults? She was intrigued. Moving home to Tennessee, Georgia taught herbal supplement education at a local pharmacy.She listened to customers talk about anxiety, depression, and fatigue — and saw firsthand how disconnected from nature and their own bodies many people felt. Georgia became the first practicing certified Guide with ANFT in Nashville and has been guiding since 2019.She has given talks and interviews about the healing power of nature connection. She's guided forest bathing internationally and Statewide, and she's been featured on podcasts, local radio, and publications. Georgia loves sharing the research and qualities of nature connection. She is also a Psychotherapist with a Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes: https://gaiacenter.co/podcast Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ButForRealPod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155 Send us a story for The Lore segment: https://forms.gle/K1i2XH4NCWSdAPVL6 Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment: https://forms.gle/yHiMjMQPyuxtwDun8 Connect with us on IG: https://instagram.com/butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter Val on IG: https://www.instagram.com/existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: https://www.gaiacenter.co/ DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call 988 in the US), or visit https://www.findahelpline.com/ for international resources.

Psychiatric Medication + ADHD 101 with Dr. Chanel Thomas

What if the thing you've written off as a personality flaw your entire life is actually ADHD? And what if the way ADHD gets diagnosed, treated, and talked about has never really accounted for who you are? This week, Val and Em sit down with Dr. Chanel Thomas, founder, CEO, and clinical director of Blue Sage Wellness — a multi-state psychiatric group practice built specifically to serve communities that mainstream mental health has historically failed. They get into late ADHD diagnosis, medication stigma, what it actually means to practice psychiatry from an anti-oppressive lens, and why "high-functioning" often just means nobody can see how hard you're working to hold it together. This episode covers: (00:00) Tea & Crumpets — Val on Dungeon Crawler Carl; Chanel on One Piece (1,200 episodes and counting); Em becomes a Lego adult (05:00) Step Into My Office — 47 productivity apps and still barely functioning: is it ADHD, burnout, or something else? (09:00) The DSM — high-functioning on the outside, treading water on the inside (13:00) What ADHD actually looks like in adults who've spent their lives masking (20:00) Late diagnosis, grief, and what it felt like when Chanel took medication for the first time (23:00) Medication stigma, the "will I lose my personality" fear, and what collaborative care looks like (28:00) Practicing psychiatry from a decolonized, anti-oppressive lens (32:00) "...but for REAL" (33:00) Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! — "Served" by XLOV (34:00) Dumpster Fire Phoenix + Rapid Fire Q&A ...but for REAL: ADHD doesn't just look like the hyperactive white kid bouncing off the walls. It presents differently in Black and brown, queer, and trans folks — often internalized, masked, and shaped by survival. If that's been your experience, your presentation is just as valid. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode: Blue Sage Wellness — Dr. Chanel's multi-state psychiatric group practice XLOV — "Served" — Chanel's song pick One Piece — manga and anime series; available on Crunchyroll and Netflix Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman — Val's current read Teddy the dog rescued from Helvellyn — Good News Network Connect with Dr. Chanel: Blue Sage Wellness @chanelpsychnp on IG @bluesagewellnesspllc on IG BIO Dr. Chanel Thomas is a doctorally prepared, dual board-certified nurse practitioner (FNP/PMHNP) and the founder, CEO, and clinical director of Blue Sage Wellness PLLC, a multi-state psychiatric group practice serving Tennessee, Kentucky, and New York. She built Blue Sage from the ground up with a clear mission: to provide culturally affirming, high-quality psychiatric care to communities historically failed by mainstream mental health systems, including communities of color, the LGBTQ+ community, and neurodivergent individuals. But Dr. Thomas doesn't stop at the clinical chair. She is also the founder of Aligned & Abundant, a clinician empowerment and conference platform, and the Flourish Collective, a practice incubator and coaching program designed to help licensed clinicians build sustainable, values-aligned practices. She brings a decolonized lens to psychopharmacology, a neurodivergent-affirming approach to care, and a signature style that weaves anime, gaming, and geek culture into clinical work in ways that are as effective as they are unexpected. Whether she's in the clinical space, on a conference stage, or building the next chapter of her legacy, Dr. Thomas shows up the same way every time: fully, unapologetically, and with purpose. Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Why Pelvic Floor Health is Important AF with Dr. Jen Le Cougic

Dr. Jen Le Coguic is a pelvic health physical therapist with over 15 years of experience and the founder of Nashville Pelvic Health — and she's here to talk about the body part most of us are either ignoring, overtightening, or doing Kegels for when we absolutely should not be. This episode covers way more territory than you'd expect: why bladder leaks, pelvic pain, and constipation are common but not normal, why "just do your Kegels" is actually bad advice for a lot of people, what the pelvic floor has to do with your back pain and your breathing, and why men are even less served by this conversation than women. Val and Em also bring a listener who has memorized the bathroom layout of every movie theater in her city, and they have thoughts. This episode covers: (00:00) Tea & Crumpets — Em's analog Sudoku era; Val's proud moment of discernment; Jen on the pelvic floor–nervous system connection and Asheville's dog-friendliness (05:00) Step Into My Office — a listener who knows every public bathroom in her city asks: when does "annoying" become worth getting help for? (10:00) The DSM — what the pelvic floor actually does, why "just do your Kegels" is bad advice for a lot of people, and why the medical system keeps siloing symptoms it should be connecting (17:00) The vFit, breathwork, pregnancy, postpartum, men's pelvic health, and what to expect at your first appointment (30:00) "...but for REAL" (31:00) Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! — "Undone" by Weezer (32:00) Dumpster Fire Phoenix + Rapid Fire Q&A ...but for REAL: These problems are common, but they're not normal. If something is bothering you — even if it's just annoying, even if you haven't had a baby, even if it doesn't feel "serious enough" — reach out to a pelvic floor therapist, do a consult, and get the help that's out there for you. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode: Nashville Pelvic Health — Dr. Jen's clinic vFit by Joylux — the red light therapy pelvic device Val spotted at the STIMULATE Conference (#NotSponsored) "Undone — The Sweater Song" by Weezer @omgitsheidiii — the viral reel about Grandma Carole Khruangbin — Jen's other recent musical obsession! Connect with Dr. Jen: Nashville Pelvic Health website Jen on IG NPH on IG Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Attention Activism: A Liberation Movement to Combat the Societal Attention Crisis

Did you know your brain will ask if it should be doing something else about four seconds into this episode? That's not a joke — that's the real documented average. And honestly, it's kind of the whole point. In Episode 50, Val and Em go deep on attention — not the "just delete TikTok" version of this conversation, but the real one. The systemic, political, whose-profit-is-this-serving one. Val brings fresh insights from her Attention Activism 101 course with the Strother School of Radical Attention (SoRA), and Em brings a fracking metaphor nobody asked for but everyone needed. They also get into Em's "less is more" era, Val saying a meaningful goodbye to her grandfather and the existential questions it's cracking open, and a letter from a social media manager who builds lives AND works in the attention economy and is starting to feel like the villain in her own story. This episode covers: (00:00) Tea & Crumpets — Em on "less is more" as a values-based practice; Val on consciousness, death, and the science-meets-woo rabbit hole she's currently in (07:00) Step Into My Office — a social media manager asks: is it possible to do this job without becoming this person? (13:00) The DSM — Attention Activism: what it is, where it comes from, and why individual willpower was never the answer (15:00) Surveillance capitalism, behavioral data, and the fracking metaphor (21:00) Spotlight, starlight, and daylight — philosopher James Williams' three-tier framework for what we actually lose (25:00) Attentional ecologies, flow state, hyperfocus, and why "good attention" is more complicated than we think (30:00) Who owns your attention? (And what does it mean that we pay it?) (34:00) Attentional debt — and how it shows up as burnout (38:00) What to actually do: dérive, app blockers, microdosing quiet, and the SOS framework (43:00) "...but for REAL" — the mic drop moment (45:00) Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! — music segment (49:00) Dumpster Fire Phoenix — SoRA's growing momentum + Val's Kindle era ...but for REAL: Losing your focus in a world that is literally engineered to fragment it is not a personal failing. It is the business model. Attention was never supposed to be this hard to fight for on your own — so remember that you don't have to. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode Strother School of Radical Attention (SoRA) — the Brooklyn-based nonprofit behind the Attention Activism movement; Attention Activism 101 & 201 courses (please verify URL before publishing) The Attensity Manifesto — the movement's foundational text (please verify URL before publishing) Opal — app blocker Val and Em recommend ScreenZen — app blocker Jomo — app blocker (Val's current go-to) Brick — physical app-blocking device (please verify URL before publishing) Shoshana Zuboff, The Age of Surveillance Capitalism — the book behind the surveillance capitalism framework Em references James Williams, Stand Out of Our Light — spotlight/starlight/daylight framework Natasha Dow Schüll, Addiction by Design — the casino/slot machine research Donnie Darko (2001) — where Gary Jules' "Mad World" first appeared; highly recommended if you haven't seen it "Reign Me In" — Sam Fender ft. Olivia Dean — Em's song pick (please add Spotify link) "Mad World" — Gary Jules — Val's song pick (please add Spotify link) Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Divorce Law 101 + Protecting Kids & LGBTQ Families with Family Law Attorney Rachel Welty

Rachel Welty is a Nashville-based family and juvenile law attorney and the founder of Welty Law Office, where she has spent nearly 20 years doing things differently. Named to the Tennessee Mid-South Super Lawyers list and a Tennessee Rule 31 Listed Mediator, Rachel takes a child advocacy-centered approach to family law — because she genuinely believes that when kids' needs come first, parents do better too. She works with clients navigating divorce, child custody, support, orders of protection, adoption, DCS involvement, and LGBTQIA+ family law issues, and she's known for bringing a trauma-informed lens to a legal system that often doesn't have one. She's also a single working mom, which means she brings both professional expertise and hard-won personal experience to everything she does. This episode covers: (00:00) Tea & Crumpets — Val on The Telepathy Tapes, Rachel on the NHL playoffs and emotional men, Em on her poolside ADHD hack (05:00) The Lore — Rachel on military spouse life, her husband's deployment to Afghanistan, and what losing a house in divorce taught her about herself (08:30) The DSM — trauma-informed lawyering, what the legal process gets wrong, and how Rachel helps clients stay out of their fear brain (12:00) High-conflict vs. healthy divorce — what it costs kids, and what most family attorneys miss (16:00) The biggest misconception people bring into divorce court (20:00) Discernment counseling, mediation, and the couples who pause their divorce and come back changed (27:00) What LGBTQIA+ couples need to know right now to protect their legal rights (32:00) Why therapists and family attorneys should be talking to each other (34:00) "...but for REAL" - the mic drop moment (36:00) Now That's What I Call— OKAYYY! - music segment! (37:00) Dumpster Fire Phoenix — Dolly Parton wisdom and Em's birthday era (41:00) Rapid Fire Q&A ...but for REAL: Stay in the here and now. If you're in the middle of a divorce, a custody battle, or any kind of legal storm — the what-ifs will eat you alive. Empower yourself with information, find people you trust, and take it one step at a time. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode Welty Law Office — Rachel's Nashville family and juvenile law practice The Telepathy Tapes — Val's Tea & Crumpets rec: the podcast about nonverbal autistic individuals and telepathic communication Discernment Counseling — the protocol Val references for couples where one partner is leaning out of the marriage Little Beautiful Things by Maggie Smith — Rachel's most-recommended book, a memoir about divorce and moving forward (note: confirm exact title before publishing — Rachel mentioned it as "Little Beautiful Things" but the published title is You Could Make This Place Beautiful) "Open Up Your Eyes" by Tonic — Rachel's song pick for Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! Answer Nashville — Rachel's go-to Nashville dinner spot Nashville Conflict Resolution Center — one of the nonprofits Rachel volunteers with Connect with Rachel: Welty Law Office website Instagram: @weltylaw Facebook: Welty Law Office Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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LGBTQ+ & BIPOC Mental Health with Ashley Hampton

Ashley Hampton is a licensed therapist, certified clinical supervisor, adjunct professor at Vanderbilt University, and the co-founder of two organizations doing quietly revolutionary work in Tennessee. As co-founder and clinical director of Hampton House Counseling, she's built one of Nashville's first BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ centered group therapy practices from the ground up — with diversity not as an afterthought, but as its foundation. As co-founder and executive director of Healing in the Margins, she's created a nonprofit that addresses the therapy access gap for Black, brown, and queer communities through clinician training, a therapy fund, community partnerships, and more. In three years, Healing in the Margins has funded over $80,000 in therapy across the state of Tennessee. Ashley is a bold, grounded, and genuinely funny human being doing work that this state desperately needs. This episode covers: (00:00) Tea & Crumpets — Em on Wayward (spooky, queer-coded, Stranger Things-ish vibes), Ashley on Married at First Sight season that apparently went feral, and Val doing show and tell with her new Gaian Tarot deck by Joanna Powell Colbert (10:00) Step Into My Office — a listener is out to their parents and friends but not their aging grandmother, and the Pride Month pressure to finally do it is real. Ashley drops an immediate mic: What is it you actually want? To be known, or to check a box? (20:00) The DSM — Ashley on how she built Hampton House and Healing in the Margins, why every space she's created is one she didn't have herself, and what it took to learn to serve her own communities without a roadmap (28:00) What "safe and affirming" actually means in practice versus what it looks like on an Instagram grid — and why humility has to precede safety (35:00) How Healing in the Margins works: the therapy fund, clinician trainings, community partnerships, and why it's working in Tennessee specifically because Ashley has been here her whole life (43:00) The joy, comradery, and community that exists in Black and queer spaces — and what gets lost when we only talk about the struggle (48:00) On being a first and an only: the vulnerability of leading openly, constantly having to prove yourself, and why not caring what people think has been her greatest professional asset (54:00) "...but for REAL" — from Ashley and Em: if you're Black, brown, or queer and living in the South, there are options for you now. Go look at Healing in the Margins. (56:00) Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! — Ashley's pick: "Notice" by Lola Young, and why she's in a season of being seen (60:00) Fire Dumpster Phoenix — Em on swimming as survival, Ashley on a Mother's Day letter from a Healing in the Margins recipient, and Val on two apps that help people help animals in emergencies (66:00) Rapid Fire Q&A — Oprah for dinner, a very Pride Month-appropriate tradition, and Ashley's four-year-old daughter who, when asked if she'd consider therapy, said "fuck no" and honestly same ...but for REAL: If you're Black, brown, or queer and you've spent your whole life thinking there's no space in mental health for someone like you — there is one now. And you deserve more care and support than you've probably even let yourself imagine. Go find it. And to everyone else: ask how you can help, then actually wait for the answer. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode Hampton House Counseling — Ashley's BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ centered therapy practice in Nashville Healing in the Margins — Ashley's nonprofit funding therapy access and clinician training for Black, brown, and queer communities across Tennessee Wayward — Em's Pride Month watch rec (troubled teen industry meets mind control, queer rep, eight episodes) Married at First Sight — Ashley's reality TV guilty pleasure Gaian Tarot: Healing the Earth, Healing Ourselves by Joanna Powell Colbert — Val's show and tell "Notice" by Lola Young — Ashley's song pick for Now That's What I Call— OKAYY! "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled — Ashley's walk-on-stage song Animal Help Now app — Val's Fire Dumpster Phoenix: free nationwide wildlife emergency app connecting people to local rehabilitators, vets, and resources Pet Help and Rescue app — companion app to help neighbors evacuate pets during disasters or emergencies Even the Rat Was White by Robert Guthrie — the psychology research history book Val references on who has and hasn't been centered in the field Connect with Us: Ashley & Healing in the Margins on IG Healing in the Margins nonprofit Hampton House Counseling More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Turning Grief into Action With Allie Phillips

Allie Phillips is a working mom of two, a Tennessee native, and a first-time political candidate turned relentless advocate. After being denied lifesaving reproductive care under Tennessee's abortion ban following a devastating diagnosis at her 20-week anatomy scan, Allie was forced to leave the state to terminate a pregnancy her doctors confirmed was not compatible with life. She documented her experience publicly in real time — and the response changed everything. Allie went on to co-file a landmark lawsuit against the state of Tennessee with the Center for Reproductive Rights, challenging the narrow scope of the state's medical exceptions. She's now running for Tennessee House District 75 to fight for working families, public schools, healthcare access, and the kind of leadership that actually gives a damn. This episode covers: 00:00 - Introductions + Tea & Crumpets 06:04 - Allie's story and the insane battle for reproductive rights 21:54 - Finding Purpose in Loss 29:42 - Challenges in Education and Advocacy 35:01 - Affordable Housing and Childcare Crisis 43:25 - Introduction to Political Identity 51:14 - The Impact of Patriarchy and Social Interactions ...but for REAL: Why aren't y'all voting?! Montgomery County had a 6% turnout in the last primary. 6%. Your vote matters more at the local level than almost anywhere else — these are the people deciding your schools, your roads, your healthcare, and your judges. August 6th and November 3rd. Get there. Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode Allie Phillips for Tennessee House District 75 Center for Reproductive Rights — the organization behind Allie's lawsuit against the state of Tennessee Zurawski v. Texas — the similar Texas case Allie references Paradise on Hulu (Val's rec) Euphoria on Max (Allie's rec) Pura Smart Home Diffuser (Em's birthday gift obsession) "The Man" by Taylor Swift — Allie's campaign anthem Tennessee's Abortion Ban — SB 1257 — the trigger ban referenced throughout Nashville Star commuter rail — the model Allie references for a Clarksville-Nashville rail KHS America Musical Petting Zoo at CMA Fest (Em's Fire Dumpster Phoenix pick) Nashville Zoo Night Owl Program — where Allie's daughter's Girl Scout troop spent the weekend Connect with Allie Phillips: Allie's campaign website @allie4tn on IG Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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It Takes a Village: The Power & Challenge of Building Community

Val and Em are flying solo (duo?) this week — no guest, just the two of them getting into one of their favorite obsessions: community. Why is it so hard to find your people as an adult? Why do we feel lonely even when our calendars are full? And what does the actual research say about what makes community work? They get into the loneliness epidemic (yes, it's as bad as you've heard), the concept of third spaces and why we're losing them, the underrated power of weak ties (heeey Diane from Pilates), and what Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering taught them about the difference between filling a room and actually hosting people. Plus—Val shares about resurrecting her guitar, her Buffy rewatch, and her tarot practice all at the same time, Em reflects on a trip back to the UK after 16 years and what it stirred up about cultural identity and belonging, and they answer a listener question from someone who keeps showing up and trying — but can't seem to break in anywhere. Stuff we mentioned: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker Priya Parker on We Can Do Hard Things podcast US Surgeon General's 2023 Advisory on Loneliness and Isolation Hackney Mosaic Project (East London) Community micro-hydro power in the Northern Philippines Camp Gaia (our online membership!) Chapters: 00:00 - Introduction to But For Real Podcast 05:12 - Exploring Community and Connection 09:52 - The Importance of Community and Connection 27:23 - The Importance of Structure in Community Building 30:13 - The Birth of Camp Gaia: Building Community Online Connect with Us: More about the pod / past episodes Watch us on YouTube Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist Send us a story for The Lore segment Send in a request for advice for our Step Into My Office segment Connect with us on IG: @butforrealpod The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @existentiallyval The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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They Can't Kill Us if Our Art Survives - with Wednesdae, @queer.art_therapist

In this episode of But For Real, we delve into the transformative realm of expressive arts therapy with our distinguished guest, Wednesdae Reim Ifrach. Their expertise lies at the confluence of queer embodiment, complex trauma, and creative healing, offering a profound perspective on how art can serve as a conduit for emotional expression and personal growth. We explore the misconception that art therapy is merely "arts and crafts for sad people," illuminating its true potential to facilitate deep, somatic healing beyond verbal communication. The conversation traverses the intersections of identity, creativity, and resistance, emphasizing the vital role of authenticity in both personal and professional spheres. Join us as we unpack these intricate themes, and discover how embracing one's multifaceted identity can foster resilience and empowerment in the face of societal challenges. Takeaways: This episode explores the intersection of expressive arts therapy, trauma, and queer identity, highlighting their profound connections. We discuss how art therapy transcends mere creative expression, serving as a legitimate therapeutic modality for adults. The conversation emphasizes the importance of authenticity and personal expression in combating systemic oppression and fostering resilience. Listeners are encouraged to pursue their own creative endeavors as acts of resistance against societal norms and expectations. Wednesday's experiences illustrate the transformative power of art in healing trauma and affirming one's identity in a complex world. The episode concludes with a call to action for increased accessibility and understanding of mental health resources and creative therapies. LINKS + Referenced in the Episode: Wednesdae's website Follow Wednesdae @queer.art_therapist on IG The Gaia Center: Therapy in Nashville + coaching worldwide Follow us @butforealpod and @thegaiacenter on IG MOMA Fire Road Foods

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Unmasking Autism with Devon Price, PhD

What if the version of you most of the world knows… isn’t actually *you*? In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with Devon Price, PhD—social psychologist, author of Unmasking Autism (+ several other books!), and badass autistic human—to get really REAL about something that is kinda the opposite of that: Masking. That pattern of adaptation that’s helped you survive… but can slowly erode at your sense of self. 🫠 In this conversation, we get into what it actually means to “mask” as an autistic or otherwise neurodivergent person (hell, even just as a people-pleaser living in a capitalist society): how it shows up, why so many of us do it without even realizing, and what happens when you finally start to take that mask off. If you’re one of MANY people who was diagnosed with autism later in life, you know it can feel like a huge relief… but it can *also* feel like grief, anger, and even a full-on “who TF am I actually?” era. We’re talking about what it’s like to spend decades performing “normal,” only to realize you’ve been white-knuckling your way through life—and what it takes to rebuild something that actually fits. And we keep coming back to this: You don’t just “stop masking.” You slowly, painfully, honestly… learn how to exist as yourself. So if you’ve ever thought… “Why am I so exhausted ALL THE TIME?” “Why do I feel like I’m performing in every interaction?” “Who am I without all of this?” …this one’s for you. 🫂 In this episode of But For Real, we unpack… What “masking” actually is—and why it’s so common in autistic adults Why late autism diagnoses often bring both relief AND grief The hidden cost of people-pleasing and social “autopilot” Why you can’t just flip a switch and stop masking overnight How identity confusion shows up after unmasking begins The role of burnout, exhaustion, and chronic overwhelm Why safe relationships are essential for unmasking The emotional phases: relief → grief → anger → rebuilding How to reconnect with your authentic self (without blowing up your whole life) And here’s the timestamps— 00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real 01:00 – Meet Devon Price, PhD (and why this convo matters) 03:30 – The “hive mind” metaphor + masking as social survival 05:30 – Listener question: late autism diagnosis in adulthood 07:00 – Relief vs grief after diagnosis 08:30 – “I’ve been performing my whole life…” 10:30 – Why masking isn’t something you can just turn off 13:00 – Identity confusion: who am I without the mask? 16:00 – The emotional aftermath: anger, grief, and loss 19:00 – Autistic burnout + chronic exhaustion 22:00 – Safe people, safe spaces, and practicing authenticity 26:00 – Reconnecting with your younger self 30:00 – What unmasking actually looks like in real life 35:00 – Why this process takes YEARS (not weeks) 40:00 – Final thoughts: you’re not behind—you’re becoming Connect with Dr. Devon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdevonprice/ Substack: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/ Books: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2294535/devon-price-phd/ Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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The One About Polyamory with Em Mortenson

So… your partner brings up opening the relationship. 👀 And you’re trying to be thoughtful, open-minded, maybe even a little curious… but there’s also this voice in the background like: “Wait… do I actually want this?” 🫠 In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with therapist Em Mortenson to get into the real conversation around polyamory and ethical non-monogamy—beyond the labels, beyond the hot takes, and into what this actually looks and feels like in real life. Because yeah, on paper? It can sound freeing. Honest. Even aligned. ✨ But in practice? It can bring up jealousy, fear, uncertainty—and a whole lot of questions about where your “yes” is actually coming from. We’re talking about what happens when a partner introduces this idea, how to navigate the in-between space of not knowing yet, and why this isn’t something you have to rush to figure out overnight. And we keep coming back to this: It’s one thing to understand something intellectually… and another to feel ready for it in your body. So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering: “Am I actually into this… or am I trying to be okay with it?” “Is jealousy a red flag—or just part of the process?” “How do I explore this without losing myself?” …yeah. This one’s for you. 💬 From there, we unpack: How to tell if you’re genuinely interested in polyamory—or just trying to be “chill” Why jealousy is a normal part of ethical non-monogamy (and what to do with it) The difference between curiosity, pressure, and people-pleasing in relationships What polyamory and open relationships actually look like in real life Why boundaries are essential—and constantly evolving—in non-monogamy Common mistakes couples make when opening a relationship How fear of losing your partner can shape your decisions Why this isn’t a one-time “yes or no” decision—but an ongoing conversation We talk about: 00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real 00:50 – Meet Em Mortenson (and the chaotic cat story 🐱) 03:20 – Tiny pockets of joy when everything feels heavy 05:50 – “My partner wants to open our relationship…” 👀 07:10 – Am I open-minded… or just scared to lose them? 09:00 – Polyamory vs monogamy: what are we actually talking about? 12:30 – Why people jump into this too fast ⚠️ 15:30 – The biggest misconception about polyamory 19:00 – Let’s talk about jealousy (because yeah… it’s coming) 22:30 – Is jealousy a dealbreaker—or part of it? 26:00 – What healthy polyamory can actually look like 30:30 – Boundaries, communication, and real-life dynamics 35:30 – When this goes wrong (and why it does) 41:30 – Polyamory discourse, TikTok, and moral superiority 🙃 47:30 – So… how do you know if this is right for you? Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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Boundaries Aren’t B*tchy!

What if the thing you’ve been calling “being rude”… is actually just having a boundary? Yeah. Let’s talk about it. Because somewhere along the way—especially for women, people-pleasers, and anyone raised to prioritize politeness over honesty—boundaries got branded as selfish, cold, or straight-up b*tchy. And honestly? That narrative is doing damage. In this episode of But For Real, we’re doing a full, unfiltered deep dive into boundaries—what they actually are, why they feel so uncomfortable, and how your relationship with them changes as you grow up (or burn out). We’re talking about the subtle ways we’ve been conditioned to shrink, overextend, and contort ourselves to keep the peace… and the moment you realize: “Wait… I actually can’t keep living like this.” We get into the real-life evolution of boundaries—from being overly accommodating and “nice” to realizing that clarity is not cruelty. And yes, we’re saying the quiet part out loud: Not everyone who sets a boundary is a b*tch… …but also? You might have to tolerate being perceived that way anyway. Cool cool cool. 🫠 Because boundaries aren’t just personal. They’re relational. Cultural. Political. Survival. So if you’ve ever wondered: “Am I being too much?” “Why does setting boundaries make me feel like I’m doing something wrong?” “How do I stop people-pleasing without becoming an asshole?” …yeah. This one’s for you. Let’s roll the tape. From there, we unpack: Why boundaries are often mistaken for being rude or “difficult” How people-pleasing and politeness culture shape your ability to set limits The difference between being a b*tch vs. having a boundary Why your relationship with boundaries changes over time How burnout and survival instincts force boundary growth The hidden cost of over-accommodating yourself in relationships Why clarity is actually kinder than silent resentment How cultural expectations (especially for women) distort boundary-setting What healthy boundaries actually sound like in real life Why being misunderstood is sometimes part of doing it right We talk about: 00:00 – Welcome to But For Real 01:00 – Why we needed a boundaries deep dive 02:00 – People-pleasing, politeness & cultural conditioning 03:00 – “Am I rude… or do I just have boundaries?” 04:00 – Why boundaries feel uncomfortable (especially for women) 05:00 – Boundaries as survival, not just self-growth 06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: Olympics, joy, and elite performance 08:30 – What high performers teach us about boundaries 10:00+ – The real conversation begins: boundaries, identity & growth Resources Mentioned: Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988 Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.com reasonstostay.co Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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The One About Suicide 💔🫂

We need to talk about suicide… like actually talk about it. Not in the polished, clinical, tip-list way. Not in the fear-based, “don’t say the wrong thing” way. But in the real, messy, human way that most of us have experienced—whether personally or through someone we love. Because here’s the truth: suicide is way more common, complex, and misunderstood than we’re comfortable admitting. And the way we talk about it? Often makes it harder—not easier—for people to feel seen, supported, or safe enough to open up. In this episode of But For Real, we’re going there. We’re talking about suicidal ideation (including the kind that doesn’t mean you actually want to die), the difference between passive and active thoughts, and why so many people feel ashamed of experiences that are actually more common than we think. We’re also unpacking the tension between holding the weight of this topic and still making space for humanity, humor, and connection—because healing doesn’t only happen in sterile silence. And yes… we’re bringing both the heavy and the real. We’re asking: Why is suicide still so stigmatized—even in mental health spaces? What actually counts as suicidal ideation? Is it “normal” to have passive thoughts about not wanting to exist? Why does shame keep people stuck in silence? And how do we talk about this in a way that actually helps? Because here’s the thing: Not every suicidal thought means someone wants to die. But every experience of suffering deserves to be taken seriously. So whether this topic touches your life directly or indirectly… we’re really glad you’re here. From there, we unpack: What suicidal ideation actually is (and what it’s not) The difference between passive vs. active suicidal thoughts Why passive SI can be more common—and human—than you think How shame and stigma keep people from talking about their experience Why humor can be a legitimate coping skill, not avoidance How therapists actually think about and approach suicide Why overly clinical conversations can feel disconnected—and what works better How to support yourself or someone else without defaulting to panic or silence The role of lived experience in shaping mental health work We talk about: 00:00 – Why this topic matters 01:00 – Can we talk about suicide and still be human? 02:30 – Humor as a coping skill (yes, really) 03:00 – Content warning + how to take care of yourself while listening 04:00 – Personal connections to suicide and why this work matters 05:30 – Passive suicidal ideation: what it actually means 06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: existential YouTube rabbit holes 08:30 – The psychology of death, meaning, and “last meal” thinking 09:00 – A movie that explores the afterlife—and what happens next 10:00+ – The deeper conversation begins (suicide, stigma, and nuance) Resources Mentioned: Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988 Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.com reasonstostay.co Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Is Sex Addiction Really a Thing?

We need to talk about sex addiction — because culturally, this phrase gets thrown around a lot. And depending on who you ask, it’s either a legitimate disorder… or a moral panic wrapped in clinical language. Either way, it is certainly true that some people need expert support to realign their sexual behavior with their values and intentions, and heal any wounds that may underlie sexual acting out. But is addiction the one best model for doing this work? In this episode of But For Real, we’re diving into the messy, controversial world of sex addiction, porn use, and what clinicians actually mean when they talk about “out of control sexual behavior.” Because here’s the truth: the phrase sex addict gets used everywhere — in couples fights, celebrity scandals, religious communities, and treatment centers. But clinically, the picture is way more nuanced. We’re asking: Is sex addiction actually recognized as a mental health disorder? Why does the DSM not include it? What’s the difference between a high libido, a porn habit, and something that’s truly out of control? And how much of this conversation is shaped by moral judgment, religion, and cultural discomfort around sex? Because here’s the thing: Not every high libido is pathology. Not every porn habit is addiction. And not every relationship betrayal means someone has a disease. But if your sexual behavior feels compulsive, secretive, or deeply distressing, that matters — and it deserves real support, not internet armchair diagnoses. In this episode, we break down the history of the sex addiction model, why many sex therapists challenge it, and what a more nuanced understanding of sexual behavior actually looks like. Plus, we explore the role of shame, porn culture, religion, attachment, and emotion regulation — because sometimes behavior isn’t the real issue. It’s the coping strategy underneath it. From there, we unpack: The origin of the sex addiction model and its roots in the 12-step world Why “sex addiction” has never been officially recognized in the DSM The difference between sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behavior Why labeling someone a “sex addict” can sometimes pathologize normal sexuality The cultural factors (religion, gender norms, and shame) shaping the conversation How porn use actually fits into this discussion The difference between sexual acting out vs. sexual offending Signs sexual behavior might truly be compulsive or distressing Why shame and secrecy often keep people stuck in the cycle How sex therapy approaches this topic differently than addiction treatment We talk about: 00:00 – Life hacks: hiccup cures & anxiety nausea tricks 05:30 – Tea & Crumpets: internet rabbit holes and cultural commentary 09:30 – Step Into My Office: porn, shame, and being labeled a “sex addict” 14:00 – The DSM: is sex addiction a real diagnosis? 17:00 – Val’s experience training as a sex addiction therapist 20:00 – Why the DSM rejected hypersexual disorder 22:00 – The shift toward out-of-control sexual behavior frameworks 24:00 – Moral shame vs clinically significant distress 30:00 – Porn, masculinity, and cultural narratives about sex 36:00 – A healthier way to understand sexual behavior Resources Mentioned: The Myth of Sex Addiction by David Ley Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior by Doug Braun-Harvey & Michael Vigorito Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

We Need To Talk About Child Stars 🎬

We need to talk about child stars, y’all. 🎬 Not just in a nostalgic “remember when?” way. And not just in a “look at their meltdown” way. In a developmental, nervous-system, attachment theory-informed way. Because culturally, we’ve been sold a shiny story about fame, money, and success. But from a developmental perspective, achieving fame early in life can leave lasting scars, which are too often exploited as memes and clickbait headlines. In this episode of But For Real, we unpack the psychological underbelly of child stardom — from Britney in that revealing schoolgirl uniform at 16 to Bieber stripped down at this year’s Grammys— and from the Disney/Nickelodeon machine to TikTok kids with brand deals before puberty. We’re asking: What happens when identity formation gets too blended with performance? What does it do to a child’s attachment system when they’re the breadwinner? How does a nervous system develop under constant visibility and evaluation? Because here’s the truth: Money does not regulate a nervous system. Fame does not replace attunement. And followers do not equal safety. From there, we unpack: How identity formation gets disrupted when a kid becomes a brand 🎭 Why being rewarded for compliance and performance warps self-concept What happens developmentally when you can’t have your “weird phase” in private How attachment dynamics shift when the child becomes the breadwinner 💸 The psychological pressure baked into parentification Why money and fame don’t regulate a nervous system The mental health risks tied to chronic evaluation, overstimulation, and performance conditioning How substance use becomes an understandable (but costly) regulation strategy What parasocial relationships and hyper-visibility do to individuation 📱 Why the lack of federal protections for child influencers should concern all of us Plus— rabbit holes (well, of course) exploring Jeanette McCurdy, Val’s QVC host childhood dreams, paparazzi and algorithm culture, the Coogan Law, Ruby Franke’s family vlog fallout, and why “but they had everything” completely misses the point. We talk about: 00:00 – Intro 03:00 – Jeanette McCurdy and the child star reckoning 06:00 – A 10-year-old who wants to be famous (Step Into My Office) 11:00 – Erikson, identity formation & losing your “weird phase” 15:00 – Attachment theory & the child-as-breadwinner dynamic 20:00 – Substance use, performance pressure & shame 23:00 – Paparazzi culture vs. algorithm culture 27:00 – Parasocial relationships & hyper-visibility 30:00 – “They had everything” — and why that argument fails Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Why We Love The Drama (Until It's Ours) 🫣

Let’s be honest. We all love a little drama… as long as it’s not happening to us. 😜 From celebrity family feuds to wedding-day chaos to messy public statements, we can’t look away. But the second that kind of public-facing conflict hits our own nervous system? We’re either shutting down, spiraling, or plotting our escape into permanent invisibility. In this episode of But For Real, therapists Val and Emerson unpack the psychology of why we love drama and gossip— at least, of course, until it’s about us. We’re talking attachment wounds, tribalism, and the very human tendency to consume chaos as entertainment while avoiding it in our own lives. As always, we’re kicking things off with some pop culture tea (the Beckhams are fighting, y’all), but quickly zoom out to explore the deeper question: why does other people’s relational conflict feel juicy, but our own feels threatening? If you grew up in a family where repair wasn’t modeled… If conflict makes your chest tighten and your brain short-circuit… If you find yourself glued to reality TV but allergic to confrontation… This one’s for you, babe. Because of course drama hits different when your attachment system is involved. From there, we unpack: Why other people’s drama feels safe to consume What happens in your nervous system when conflict becomes personal How attachment wounds shape your reaction to relational tension The difference between curiosity and rumination Why public family conflict hits so hard culturally When drama becomes avoidance How to stop intellectualizing and start embodying repair Why healing relational trauma requires tolerating discomfort Plus: Snowmageddon survival stories, exploding trees and frost cracking, unexpected love for a Super 8 motel, Spice Girls loyalty debates, and the trainwreck-you-can’t-look-away-from of the Beckhams fighting in public. This episode is for anyone who: Loves a little pop culture tea but gets dysregulated the second conflict hits close to home Grew up around tension, enmeshment, or emotional landmines and now feels hyper-aware of drama everywhere Finds themselves glued to other people’s relational mess while avoiding their own Is realizing their nervous system reacts to conflict like it’s a five-alarm fire Because sometimes we’re not obsessed with drama. We’re just trying to understand something our body never got to feel safe inside of. We talk about: 00:00 – Snowmageddon 2026 & survival mode 03:30 – Pop culture tea: The Beckhams are fighting 07:00 – Why we love drama when it’s not ours 11:00 – Nervous system activation & conflict 15:00 – Attachment wounds and emotional reactivity 20:00 – Enmeshment, boy moms, and wedding-day chaos 25:00 – When curiosity turns into rumination 30:00 – Conflict avoidance vs. relational repair 35:00 – Why drama can be a form of avoidance 40:00 – Doing hard relational things anyway Connect with Us: Submit a story for The Lore segment Submit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segment Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

The One About Repair ❤️‍🩹🫂

If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey. In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it. We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared. From there, we unpack: Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now” Why starting matters more than finishing How uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable) What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about them Why doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choice Plus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally. This episode is for anyone who: Never saw repair modeled growing up Feels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connection Thinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taught Is learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfect Repair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell. We talk about: 00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged 01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal) 03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing 05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal 07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them 10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy 15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about 18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right” 22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger 26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the outcome 30:00 – Why doing the messy thing is the work 34:00 – Repair when it’s possible—and when it’s not 38:00 – Final reflections: doing hard things scared, together Connect with Us: Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter Val on IG: @valkaymartin The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

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