ComedySociety & Culture

Bitch Bible

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A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits.

Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The Bitch Bible," and your soon-to-be bitchy (and super neurotic) best friend.

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48 episodes
Avg 45 min
English

Episodes 48

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Thursday · 23 min
Bump Bible: Everything’s About to Change… Again
38 weeks and Jackie is on the home stretch. She’s tootling, she’s baking, she’s redecorating, and doing anything but sitting still. Bring on the epidural! Thanks for supporting this week's sponsor: Freestyle: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at www.Freestyle.world/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Tuesday · 1 hr 2 min
I Can See Everything
Jackie is fresh from seeing the Elizabeth Holmes documentary, explains dark energy, and Clyde motorboats Heather McMahan. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Freestyle: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at www.Freestyle.world/BIBLE OSEA: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your first order at www.OSEAMalibu.com SKIMS: Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartner Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCH #REVOLVEpartner Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 22 · 24 min
Bump Bible: Not a Bottle, Not a Swaddle
Week 36 and shit's getting real. Jackie is working the Schimmel Swindle on Clyde, has plans to redecorate the hospital's birthing suite, and could be weeks or maybe hours from giving birth. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 20 · 1 hr 1 min
I Don't Fucking Care
Jackie is experiencing PTSD flashbacks to last year’s backyard flood and discusses Selma Blair’s biting habit, flashes her hot gardener, and crafts the perfect awkward email. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: CBDistillery: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 25% off at www.CBDistillery.com Ladder: Get a free 7-day trial with no credit card, and $10 off your first month if you join at ladder.fit/BITCHBIBLE Lola Blankets: Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets. Use code BIBLE at checkout to get 40% off select products at www.Lolablankets.com Ritual: Save 25% on your first month and get a free gift with any starter set at www.Ritual.com/BIBLE Vinted: Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 17 · 45 min
Bitch Bible Classics: Bloated, British, and Bitchy.
Jackie returns from London bloated and bitchier than ever. She recaps Real Housewives drama, her trip abroad, a diagnosis of OCD and gives awful life advice. Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $15 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at www.skims.com/bible Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 16 · 23 min
Bump Bible: Ma. Ma. Bear.
Week 33 and Jackie is looking in-credible; the jaw is sharp, she’s glowing, and dreaming of a scarf-clad, post-baby jaunt around Paris, but she’ll settle for a frozen lemonade and a Wetzel’s pretzel. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at www.Article.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 13 · 1 hr 10 min
Call Me Jackeigh
Jackie addresses some nonsense internet backlash, plans the perfect glam lewk, and questions Kelly Clarkson’s sanity. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Tonal: Use code BIBLE to get $200 off your Tonal purchase at www.Tonal.com Jones Road Beauty: Use code BITCHBIBLE at www.JonesRoadBeauty.com to get a free gift with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #ad Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $15 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCH #REVOLVEpartner Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 8 · 25 min
Bump Bible: The Anemic Angel
30 weeks and Jackie isn’t slowing down at all. She’s shopping for fresh trees, reveling in the attention from her purple bandage, and enjoying the holy trinity of See’s Candy: Dark Chocolate Scotchmallows, Dark Chocolate Bordeaux, and Dark Raspberry Creams. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCH #REVOLVEpartner See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 6 · 1 hr 10 min
Cushions in Captivity
Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one but two public altercations. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE Boll & Branch: Use code bitchbible to get 15% % off site-wide at www.BollAndBranch.com/bitchbible Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE The Absorption Company: Use code BITCHBIBLE at check out for up to 35% off your first order at www.AbsorbMore.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
October 1 · 23 min
Bump Bible: Gestational Diabetes Warrior
28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her doomsday baby fund. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 29 · 1 hr 5 min
Effortlessly Cool with Heather Dubrow
Jackie sits down with Heather Dubrow to discuss how important she is to RHOC, why feeling like a local while traveling is overrated, and how much time is spent dreaming of murdering their husbands. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE OSEA: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your first order at www.OSEAMalibu.com Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at www.skims.com/bible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 24 · 28 min
Bump Bible: Winded and Panting and Gasping
24 Weeks and we're viable, baby! Whatever that means. Jackie is doing what she can to feel as luxurious as possible: elevated water, candles, and forever chemicals. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 22 · 54 min
Speedballing
It’s Yom Kippur and Jackie reflects on life to find she’s perfect in every way, but she hates her family and the backyard renovation is dangerously close to getting her kicked out of the neighborhood. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 19 · 37 min
Bitch Bible Classics: Atonement Lewks
Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news of Kylie Jenners cereal habits and why Bert an Ernie are due for a Brokeback Mountain sequel. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 17 · 23 min
Bump Bible: Push It
22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on TikTok, and is Getting. Shit. Done. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 15 · 1 hr 1 min
A Place of No
Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 11 · 21 min
Bump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far
Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through… She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 8 · 54 min
There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover
Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book Patch Work: Bee Brave. Bee Kind. Bee You. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 4 · 23 min
Bump Bible: Fat Fat Fat
Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling pregnancy book. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Momcozy: Use code BIBLE to get 10% off at www.Momcozy.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
September 1 · 50 min
Anti-Fungal Bitch
Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and the value of strength in stillness. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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