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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

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A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by siblings Xandy and Christine Schiefer.

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  • 29 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 50 min
  • English

Episodes 29

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  • Wednesday · 1 hr 9 min

    410:  Reviews of Bookstores with Lauren Kilby and Karen Whitehouse

    I wouldn't ask for underwear if I didn't need the underwear. Listen to Who Shat on the Floor at my Wedding? And Other Crimes wherever you get your podcasts and visit whoshatontheflooratmywedding.com for more! For a limited time our listeners are getting a free full sized Mascara on their first purchase when they head to jonesroadbeauty.com and use code BEACHTOOSANDY at checkout. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65. Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach. Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • September 30 · 51 min

    409: Reviews of Coffee Creamers

    A belly full of white dog turds. Right now, Fi is offering my listeners up to 30% off and free shipping when you visit fitracking.com and enter promo code BEACH. “Treat, don’t trick, your teeth this month and go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • September 23 · 1 hr

    408:  Reviews of Froyo with Michelle Collins

    I hate when they put wang in my food. Follow Michelle on Instagram at @michcoll or @The Michelle Collins Show We're going on tour! Buy tickets at https://www.beachtoosandy.com/ Book a complimentary financial planning call with an Arca advisor at arcawealth.com/beach. Go to dipseastories.com/beach for your first week FREE - then 25% off. Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to t therealreal.com/beach. Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • September 16 · 43 min

    407: Reviews of Deodorant

    A stained crotch is not the experience we wanted for you. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com/beachtoosandy. For a limited time get 40% off your first order PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/beachtoosandy and use code BEACHTOOSANDY. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/toosandy with code TOOSANDY. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • September 9 · 42 min

    406: Reviews of Novelty Ice

    The Mona Lisa, a dildo, or a pug? Visit progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. Prioritize your teeth this month and go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club. Shop now at fabletics.com/beach to get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Visit rula.com/beachtoosandy to get started. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • September 2 · 49 min

    405: Reviews of Mini Golf

    Just a bunch of angry elves. Support Smoking Werewolf Productions here: https://gofund.me/5766bf50d See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • August 19 · 34 min

    403: Reviews of The Container Store

    Anything that contains and can contain is contained within the container. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • August 12 · 47 min

    402: Reviews of Toothpaste with Roz Hernandez

    Even Kazoo people use toothpaste. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • August 5 · 46 min

    401: Reviews of Fitness Trackers

    Two people wanted to vomit and no one did. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • July 29 · 56 min

    400: Reviews of Summer Camps

    If they don't care about ducks, they don't care about you either. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • July 22 · 47 min

    399: Reviews of Running Shoes

    How do you think shoes feel about being entered by feet? See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • July 8 · 51 min

    397: Reviews of Lululemon

    Statistically speaking you're probably no longer a listener. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • July 1 · 58 min

    396: Reviews of Energy Drinks

    This stuff literally tastes like blue cheese and smells like cat piss. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • June 24 · 58 min

    395: Reviews of Bath & Body Works

    Nothing about carrots makes me think bougie See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • June 17 · 50 min

    394: Reviews of Raising Cane's

    Soggy White Bread was my nickname in high school. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • June 10 · 49 min

    393: Reviews of Costco

    If they remove the froyo it'll make my life a living hell. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • June 3 · 55 min

    392: Reviews of Shakespeare or Smut

    Shakespeare coined that term hangy downy bits. Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy for 50% OFF your first box and free dessert for life! Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to myskylight.com/beach. Visit progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  • May 27 · 1 hr 20 min

    391: Reviews of Smut

    Hyperspermia, which was new to me Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. For a limited time, Honeylove is offering up to 50% off sitewide during their Memorial Day sale. Use our exclusive link to shop at honeylove.com/beachtoosandy. Go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. Start your business today with the industry’s best business partner, Shopify. Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at shopify.com/toosandy. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Showing 1–20 of 29 episodes