Ask Christopher West

Carried My Ex’s Heaviest Sin but He Broke My Heart, Dating a Friend from Highschool After Seminary & Does My Gray Hair Make Me Undesirable? | ACW399

Questions answered this episode: Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, whom I really believed I was going to marry. One of our struggles was his porn addiction, which sadly led him to abuse his sister. Devastated, I chose to forgive and love him, reasoning that if God forgives us, I should do the same. He even introduced me to TOB. But now I wonder: how can he and his sister heal when she acts like he doesn't exist? How can TOB apply here? I'm angry because I was willing to carry this cross with him, but he didn't fight for us. I went to high school with a woman who I became friends with senior year. At no point in high school were we ever interested in the other. After high school I went to seminary for two years before discerning to leave seminary. I left about 10 months ago, and about one month ago started dating this woman from high school. We both value our friendship, have similar goals and dreams for the future, and take our faith very seriously. I asked her out to see if God could be doing something here, and we're giving it time to see if physical attraction for each other grows through the process. Before asking her out, I found a lot of fear in wondering what others, especially friends from high school who really aren't true friends, would think. Do you have any advice for me? I struggle with feeling like I need to look "physically perfect" in order for a man to like me and to want to enter into a relationship with me. Part of this comes from messages that I've received from my parents since a young age, such as receiving comments when something is out of place or pointing out when something is less than desirable, such as a pimple on my face. In addition to hearing negative comments about other people's weight and physical appearance, a big part of it also stems from hearing that men are more influenced by the physical than women are. Now that I'm pushing 30 and I'm getting more gray hairs, I'm left feeling like no man will desire me now and enter into a relationship with me. On the flip side, I also feel at a loss since there have been men in my life who seek me out for my physical appearance, but then lose interest once they get to know me, leaving me feeling like my personality is lacking. As I age, I'm left feeling like I will have nothing left to attract the husband I so desire, even though some part of me knows cognitively that's not true. Do you have any insight or advice about this from a TOB perspective? THE TRUTH AND THE LIE book pre-order --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Attracted to pregnant women, Rigorist Priest Quoting Saints on Sexual Intimacy, & How Wendy Coped with Christopher’s “Cluelessness”| ACW398

Questions answered this episode: How can you tell if you're looking at someone with lust or with proper reverence? I saw a beautiful woman during mass one day, and I just wanted to look at her and admire her beauty. But I feel like there's a fine line between awe and lust that I can't quite pinpoint. Or another example: for some reason, I find a woman's pregnancy attractive. But am I looking at them just for pleasure or with awe of the fact that they have another life within them? I’m struggling with scrupulosity around marital intimacy and differing opinions among Catholics about what is permissible. I came across a rigorous podcast by a priest imposing strict boundaries using Saint Alphonsus and Saint Thomas Aquinas. His guidelines are much stricter than what most modern theologians teach. I'm confused, afraid, and feel my soul is on the line. As a traditional Catholic, I worry it’s safer to follow the more rigorous opinion, though I’d rather take the simpler, more enjoyable approach. How do I know what is right, approach the marriage bed without fear, and be confident that modern theologians are safe to follow? Just yesterday, I listened to your testimony on the podcast Restore the Glory, where you talked about sexual healing and your growth in loving your wife Wendy better. It was such a blessing for me. While I was listening, I wondered what Wendy's side of the story was, how she lived and felt in those first 10 years of your marriage, how she struggled, how she realized you didn't have a clue, and mostly, how she coped to love you deeply, rightly, and truly, even though she felt immense hunger for your true love. So, Wendy, could you please share your side of the story? Catholic Sexual Ethics Course In Person Catholic Sexual Ethics Course On-Line Restore the Glory Episode with Christopher Episode 42 Restore the Glory Episode with Christopher Episode 43 --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

We're Engaged but Can't Stop Crossing the Line, Why Does the Church Care About Scattered Ashes?, & Why Did God Give Me These Desires? | ACW397

Questions answered this episode: My fiancé and I recently became engaged. I was in the seminary where I wrote my master's thesis on TOB, and my fiancé has also learned about it. We've been trying to live out TOB teachings in our engagement, which has been a true blessing. However, we keep on falling into lust. We've tried all sorts of mechanisms to prevent it, but we keep losing the battle. Lately the burden has become heavier, and it seems we'll never get it right. We're wondering if you might have struggled with something similar in the beginning and what advice you can give. When we profess we believe in the resurrection of the body, we're saying that when Christ returns, we will be reunited, body and soul. I've heard that because of this, Catholics aren't supposed to scatter ashes. If God is omnipotent, why does that matter? What is the difference between ashes being scattered over a lake or bodies decomposing into the soil? It pains me to think someone won't experience resurrection because their family sought closure. Further, does this affect the Catholic stance on donating organs after death or donating your cadaver to medical students? I'm a 26-year-old Catholic. My question is about being single and experiencing sexual desire. Some days, I feel at peace being single, but other days, I deeply long for a husband, sex, and intimacy—to become one flesh and know that I'm loved and wanted. I understand in my head that marriage and sex aren't the ultimate fulfillment, but sometimes that truth falls on a deaf heart. Why would God place such a strong desire in us and ask us to wait, or possibly never experience it? How can I learn to open my heart and trust Him in that tension? THE TRUTH AND THE LIE book pre-order National Catholic Bioethics Center --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

My C-Section Still Haunts Me, What Does the Church Say About Contraception After Rape?, & My OCD Makes Me Hurt Myself | ACW396

Questions answered this episode: In the Theology of the Body, you speak about how the female body reflects God's love through its capacity to receive, nurture, and bring forth life. After a traumatic first C-section, I struggle to understand how this truth applies to my story. Although I later had a second C-section, it's the trauma of that first birth I continue to carry. At times I feel my body failed me and find it difficult to see it as a gift. How can I understand my body through Theology of the Body after this trauma and find healing? I recently read that there's some debate among Catholic theologians on whether contraception in the case of rape is permissible. The source said, after confirming that conception has not yet taken place so as not to inadvertently end the life of a conceived child, contraception can be taken so as to prevent a pregnancy resulting from rape, almost as a form of self-defense. Is this true? I had always thought contraception was intrinsically evil, meaning it is never allowed to be used in any circumstance whatsoever. I was wondering if you could shed some light on it. How can TOB relate to mental disorders? After all, the brain is an organ too, which can suffer from incurable illnesses. For example, I recently learned I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which leads me to hurt my body through compulsions like scratching and self-punishing. I also struggle with post-traumatic stress symptoms causing unpleasant physical sensations during flashbacks. It is hard enough to see my body as something good, and even harder to love my brain. I feel a tendency to view this as a brain versus body division, and I'm wondering how to live more in the brain-body connection. Fall Course Schedule Event Schedule Ignite Hope Discerning Marriage Retreat Info National Catholic Bioethics Center ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Should I Keep My Chastity Streak?, Why Does Virginity Sound Holier Than My Marriage?, and Is Sex Okay When We Feel Maxed Out? | ACW395

Questions answered this episode: I'm a young man currently discerning the priesthood and applying to enter the seminary next year. For most of my life, I've struggled with lust and masturbation. Even though I'm in control today, I know this is a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life. What is your opinion on day counting or keeping streaks as an additional way of motivating myself to stay pure and chaste? Second, is this journey of growing in chastity for the priesthood perhaps a way for God to actually prepare me for marriage and to treat a future wife rightly and well? I’ve been doing the 33-day consecration to St. Joseph, and I’m on day 13. I’m deeply disturbed by the readings today, especially ones that talk about the virginity of St. Joseph and even the virginity of St. John the Apostle. Somehow, in the entire text, it gives the idea that remaining a virgin is somehow better, more pure, and more chaste than being married and trying for children. I understand why Mary was virgin, at least a little bit now, mostly because of TOB. But the fact that St. Joseph and even St. John the Apostle are virgins simply because it is pure, and God will only give Mary to a virgin, somehow discourages me greatly from performing my marital duties to my husband. Why is being a virgin pure, and marriage not pure? My husband and I have four children, ages six, four, two, and almost nine months. We both work full-time and have always been open to life. But at the moment, we do really feel at capacity. I am still exclusively breastfeeding the baby. We understand the church's teaching on contraception, and we're not using contraception. But I would like to know what the church teaches on sex in a marriage when you do not feel open to life in the season that you're in. Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd

Deep sea diving into your spouse's heart, Theology of a newborn's first cry, and Financial help for vasectomy reversal | ACW394

Questions answered this episode: 1. You talk on your podcast about how a spouse is vast and deep interiorly, using the analogy of deep sea diving. If you commit to exploring that interior life, you'll never be bored. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. Recently, some things from our pre-marriage days came up. That hurt deeply, but helped us grow deeper together. The past seems like the most obvious place to go deep sea diving, but we don't want to constantly hash out past events. How can we apply your analogy to the present and future? What does this practically look like? 2. I was recently watching a video of a doctor trying to save a newborn's life since he was not breathing. Someone said in the comments, "That cry was all I wanted to hear." That led me to ask myself: why is crying the first thing we do when we are born? And why is that cry basically vital in order to know the baby's okay? Do you think that has something theological to tell us? Is it like some cry of the heart that's manifested through our body as we come out of our mother's womb? 3. I had a vasectomy before I converted, and now would very much like to get it reversed. Obviously, the cost is a huge hurdle, and I understand that you have helped many people find the resources to have this done. I'm wondering how I can achieve this. Thank you in advance, and God bless you for the incredible work that you do. TOB2: Into the Deep Course on August 2-7 2026 THE TRUTH AND THE LIE book pre-order Reach out to Michele ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠ Click here if you’d like to make a gift to the St. John Paul II Legacy Foundation ⁠TOB1 Online + TOB2 in person package.⁠ --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Finding a spiritual director without replacing your spouse, TOB & hunting, and Panic attack during the marital | ACW393

Questions answered this episode: 1. I've been married for over 10 years. My spouse and I have a good solid faith filled relationship. Sometimes, however, the thought of having a spiritual director sounds interesting to me. I just wondered what spiritual direction looks like for a married individual. Part of me feels like having a spiritual director would take the place of sharing deep things with my spouse. How can spiritual direction build upon an already solid marriage without detracting from it? 2. Does theology the body teach us anything about hunting? I'm an avid deer hunter. I respect the lives of animals. But I also know that God commanded man to have authority and care for the animals, allowing us to eat meat. However, I feel this tug at my heart in regards to hunting that I didn't feel before. I've come to realize that taking the life of an animal can be profound and treated with respect. I've hunted with guys who not feel this respect. They have more of a warlike mentality. Do you have any thoughts for me? 3. I'm a licensed clinical social worker working through sexual issues with a client. The wife reports they were taught TOB in college that they should not end the sexual encounter until the wife has an orgasm. The issue is that the encounter is going really long; the husband is becoming frustrated and tired, and the wife will often have a panic attack due to the stress while trying to climax. They are devoutly Catholic and want to follow what the church teaches. What would you tell someone experiencing psychological or emotional distress during the sexual encounter, according to Theology of the Body? TOB1 Online + TOB2 in person package. Ignite Hope Discerning Marriage Retreat Info --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Spontaneous prayer with your boyfriend, The raw truth about fornication, and What to do when making love hurts. | ACW392

Questions answered this episode: I'm currently dating a good Catholic man. I feel we may be called to marriage, and a deepening of our prayer life together may help us better discern that call. We pray the rosary together every night, which has been a tremendous blessing. But I feel the need to expose my heart in prayer with him in a way that the rosary does not fully allow. I was not raised in a family that prayed aloud, so I'm not sure how to start this practice with him. What are some practical ways dating Catholic couples can deepen their prayer life together? Body is self, inseparable from soul because we are a body-soul composite. Fornication is a real bodily union, which must mean total union of persons. Doesn't union mean self-gift? But I thought real self-gift can only happen in marriage. I thought for a while in fornication it was less of a gift of the body and more like giving access to the body, but that would seem too little in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 16: "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, the two will become one flesh." I converted two years ago after listening to your episode, and I've now been married for two months to a wonderful Catholic man. We focused on second virginity, and at first, everything about our marital union was incredible. Then it became difficult for me to reach climax at the same time as him. Even though afterward he tries to help me, I'm not able to, and I end up feeling upset and in pain. It has been very draining and sometimes makes me not want to have sexual relations at all, thinking about the emotional toil and potential pain. Do you have any encouragement for this frustrated wife? TOB2: Into the Deep Course on August 2-7 2026 Course Schedule for other courses Thirsting for Prayer by Jacques Philippe Time for God by Jacques Philippe JPII’s Letter on the Rosary --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Were We Really Married That First Night?, My Boyfriend's Secret Lust Broke My Heart, and Should Boys Still Be Circumcised? | ACW391

Questions answered this episode: Suppose a couple marries in the Catholic Church but mutually agrees to use contraception initially, intending to have children later. On their wedding night, they engage in marital relations. After seven years, they stop using contraception and have two children. In this situation, would their marriage be considered consummated from the wedding night, even though they were not open to life then, or would consummation occur later when they open themselves to having children? Additionally, if they return to using contraception after their second child, how does this affect the understanding of their marriage's consummation and integrity? My heart aches because I’ve struggled with my body image since youth, fueled by social media and boys rating girls. I don't have those drastic curvy proportions guys find ideal, and I feared I’d never be a man’s first choice. When I met my boyfriend, he made me feel like the only girl in the world, and I finally started loving my body. However, I recently found out he was hiding secret lustful habits. I’m shocked and my past pain is back. How can I ever feel beautiful or get married now? I just want to wear loose clothing and make my body disappear. Is it still important for boys to be circumcised now that Jesus has come to establish the new law? I've heard arguments for both sides, and I'm confused. Pierced by Beauty Mexico Retreat THE TRUTH AND THE LIE book pre-order Magnifica Humanitas Forum *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠ Good News About Sex & Marriage THEOLOGY OF THE BODY FOR BEGINNERS - UPDATED, REVISED & EXPANDED 2018 (PAPERBACK)

Pre-wedding playfulness feels like pressure, How can a man be called bride?, and Processing my father’s suicide. | ACW390

Questions answered this episode: I’m engaged and will be married in August 2026. My fiancé and I both have sexual pasts, but we have waited and are continuing to wait to have sex for the first time in marriage. This has been very difficult. My fiancé has gotten frustrated with my response when he is trying to be playfully sexy. I don't want to venture too far down that path as it has gotten us too close to sex in the past. However, he fears that if I'm not open to being playful now, I won't be in marriage either. Truthfully, I don't think I understand what kind of playfulness is appropriate in marriage, and I'm starting to feel pressure to live up to some fantasy when we get married. I've been wrestling with one thing you said about gender and how only men can be priests. The context, from what I recall, was that only men can be priests because the priest is the groom, or is acting as Christ in the mass, who is the groom. That makes the congregation the bride. If women can't be priests because they are women, how can a man be a bride in the congregation? Five years ago, my dad committed suicide. The experience left me in shock, and I still feel that shock today. At the time, I felt the need to be strong for my mom and sister, holding everything together. Now, I sense God is inviting me to revisit this wound and allow myself to grieve more deeply. However, I find it very difficult to access my emotions; I want to cry, but I can't. Recently, through learning more about TOB, I've found myself struggling to understand how to interpret what happened, especially in relation to the dignity of the body and suffering. Pierced by Beauty Mexico Retreat Theology of the Body and Art: The Way of Beauty Course Course Schedule for other courses Litanies of the Heart by Dr. Gerry Crete Scripture For Your Inner Outcasts Podcast --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Dark fantasies threaten marriage, Did Jesus have a body before birth?, and Vaginismus fears | ACW389

Questions answered this episode: Hi Christopher and Wendy, this is Matt. I wrote previously regarding a season of deep relational pain and sexual brokenness in our marriage. First, we have to share a miracle. The sacrifice you suggested—asking the global community to fast for our healing—brought a new wine of healing and self-giving love that seemed impossible. We're now in a golden hour of intense reconnection. However, as this fire wakes up, we've discovered deeper roots of lustful fantasies. We're committed to total transparency to avoid past secrecy, but we're struggling with the prudence of sharing. How do we navigate total transparency without that sharing becoming over-arousal or fueling the concupiscence we're trying to purify? We aren't sure how to face our desires without being taken by them. My question is about something that I've been thinking about for a while. I'm thinking about transfiguration. If Jesus has always been part of the salvation plan, and always exists, was the true bodily reality of Jesus what the apostles saw that day at the transfiguration? It makes me wonder, did Jesus have a bodily nature before the incarnation and entering into history? How? Or did his complete and true nature begin at that moment in history? Am I understanding it wrong? I'm in my 20s and about to get engaged to a wonderful man. We've been working through your Love and Responsibility series together, which has been a blessing. However, I struggle with vaginismus, mainly traced back to a traumatic experience at the doctor's office when I was 14. I'm starting physical therapy soon, but this is a major place of fear for my future marriage. How do we talk about this appropriately before marriage and work through it together? What advice would you have for us in dealing with this woundedness? How do I heal physically and spiritually to cultivate openness towards the Lord's love and my future spouse? Pierced by Beauty Mexico Retreat Theology of the Body and Art: The Way of Beauty Course Course Schedule for other courses Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd

• Transcript

Is Latin Mass superior?, He wants me in revealing clothes, and Coming back to Church risks my marriage. | ACW388

Questions answered this episode: I just wondered about Latin Masses in the Catholic Church. I live in the United States, and no one speaks Latin here, so I wondered what the draw is to go to Latin Masses. It feels like in Catholic circles those who go to Latin Masses are considered more Catholic. If God made our bodies and speaks to us through our bodies, shouldn't it be more helpful to go to a mass that we can understand using our sense of hearing? Or am I just not as far along in my faith life as those who appreciate Latin Mass? My husband and I have been married for almost four years. We're both Catholic, but my husband doesn't think I look beautiful unless I wear tight, revealing clothes. We struggle a lot when he suggests I wear something with a lower neckline or that's skin tight. I'm not comfortable wearing stuff like that, but he feels that I'm not trying to be beautiful for him, even if I wear nice, slightly more modest clothes. How can I love my husband and not be hurt by his wanting me to wear more revealing clothes? And how can we find a middle ground here? My wife and I were married outside the Catholic Church. For the past eight years, I've not practiced my faith. However, as of late, I have had a deep and real call back to the church. In some way, my wife was blindsided by this decision, and not thrilled. I've taken a step back from re-entering the church out of fear of conflict between my wife and me. This has made for some serious challenges in our marriage. Is it sinful for us to come together in our nuptial embrace outside of the church where I've found the truth to be? Is our marriage invalid for this same reason? Resources: TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026 Course Schedule for other courses Pierced by Beauty: Encountering God In the Flesh Mexico Retreat Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd Good News About Sex & Marriage Our Bodies Tells God's Story Book --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 📩 Submit your question here! ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Why is Jesus clothed on the Cross, I'm terrified my baby will see us, & I feel grossed out by intimacy | ACW387

Questions answered this episode: While meditating on the crucifixion, I wondered why our Lord is not completely nude in art portraying it. My research pointed to reverence for Christ and preserving his dignity, reading that he "voluntarily accepted humiliation, but it need not be perpetuated." While this makes sense, I wonder how to look at this through a TOB lens. Why does it feel irreverent to depict Jesus nude, when other art depicting naked bodies, like in the Sistine Chapel, is praised for showing the beauty of the human body? Is it because of our fallen nature, or is there something more theological I'm missing? As a newlywed, my husband and I just celebrated our two-year wedding anniversary. Six months ago, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. My postpartum journey was difficult, and we are trying to navigate intimacy in this new stage of life. I especially struggle with a new anxiety, petrified that I will do something wrong and mess up my daughter. This has translated into me showing less attention to my husband. My brain does not seem wired towards the same level of intimacy as before. Also, our daughter's crib is right next to our bed. I am terrified she will wake up, see us in the marital embrace, and it will scare or scar her for life. Any advice? I'm 25, serving full-time in college ministry. One thing I've been terribly afraid to address is when my dad had "the talk." Instead of discussing marriage, he simply said of masturbation, "It's normal and natural, just make sure to clean up after yourself." At 12, this left me with a view of my sexuality akin to pooping—just a natural thing you clean up after. Now, called to marriage, I see the beauty of the theory, but I frustratingly feel grossed out by the reality of the marital embrace. How can I partner with Christ in untwisting this in my heart? Resources: Pierced By Beauty Mexico Retreat TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026 Course Schedule for other courses Slovakia & Slovenia Event Event Schedule --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Eight miscarriages echo Mary's grief, Is polygyny Biblical?, and When period cramps prompt masculine wishes. | ACW386

Questions answered this episode: I hope you can help connect the dots with something stirring in my heart. In your Marian mystery course, you discussed when the Bible mentions Jerusalem, it's ultimately a reference to Mary, and how a woman opening herself to conception participates in Mary's Fiat. Since then, I've suffered eight miscarriages. On Palm Sunday, hearing Jesus was entering Jerusalem, I felt intense pain. Given the Jerusalem-Mary connection, I thought of my children whose innocent bodies faced death in my womb, reflecting on Mary holding her innocent Son's body. Are these connections appropriate? If Jerusalem represents Mary, why did Jesus enter there to die? How do we connect this to the hope of resurrected life? I've recently come across a couple conservative Protestant guys, one a pastor, arguing in favor of polygamy—specifically, polygyny. It got me thinking about why we no longer practice this. They're not arguing to make it standard, but rather to allow it as one of three moral options for some people, alongside celibacy or traditional monogamous marriage. One argument they made is that God never changes. Since saints in the Old Testament practiced this, they argue it is not intrinsically sinful like homosexuality. I realize polygamy can lend itself to a lot of abuse. But, could there be situations where it could be a legitimate God honoring option? If not, why not and is polygamy sinful? I'm a 31-year-old single woman. Is it sinful to wonder what it would be like to be a man? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a woman. However, it's easy to get frustrated dealing with a monthly period, pain, and PMS. Half of each month feels thrown out of whack, and sometimes I think it would be easier to be a man. I don't want to change my body or gender; I just get frustrated. A friend said these difficulties make us stronger—is she onto something? I pray thanking God for how I was made, but I don't feel all that thankful. Do you have advice? Resources: Slovakia & Slovenia Event Mike Mangione, director of events contact: events@tobinstitute.org TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026 --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Enduring gossip of a former partner’s promiscuity, Losing physical affection after enforcing a strict kissing boundary, and Shifting from same-sex desires to fantasies. | ACW385

Questions answered this episode: In my previous relationship, we were trying to abstain from sex. I knew he was watching porn and working on that too. A week after breaking up, he started sleeping with someone else and since has been sleeping with many people. Word that I don't care to hear spreads quickly in a small town. I'm trying to identify the lie from the enemy in this. Right now, I just know that it hurts very deeply. I'm also trying to find the truth in all this pain. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Early on, we discussed physical boundaries. I shared that kissing with the intention of increasing arousal crosses a line for me, while he felt anything short of sex was acceptable. A few times I've pulled away because the kissing becomes too arousing. This causes him to shut down and get hurt, feeling he has done something wrong. Now, his response is to show barely any physical affection. How can I navigate this in a way that honors our boundaries without hurting him or falling into lust? I'm a 27-year-old man who has struggled with same-sex attraction my entire life. In recent years, I've gained control over my desires through inner healing, dedicating time to embracing my masculine identity and building good male friendships. Listening to your podcast, I realized navigating my disoriented attractions is not about repressing my eros out of shame, but asking God for more—that He might help me see the true beauty in all things, even women. I sometimes entertain fantasies of women, seeking companionship and human connection. I enjoy these because they seem more ordered than my desires for the same sex. I'm not sure if this is what it means to expand my eros. Resources: TOB I: Head & Heart Immersion Course July 14-19, 2026 Course Schedule Good News About Sex & Marriage Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd Sexual Needs Into Prayer YouTube Video Fill These Hearts THEOLOGY OF THE BODY FOR BEGINNERS - UPDATED, REVISED & EXPANDED 2018 (PAPERBACK) ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ John Paul II Healing Center Events Desert Stream Ministries Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Crying through the liturgical year, Standing firm on chastity, and Healing from a boyfriend’s hidden lust. | ACW384

Questions answered this episode: “I cry every Christmas season when I reflect on the baby Jesus. Like if I imagine myself holding him. And it's not just at Christmas, I've also cried during Advent, Lent, Holy Week, especially the Easter Vigil, Easter Sunday, and Pentecost Sunday. Sometimes I cry more than the prophet Jeremiah. Do you think I'm experiencing the gift of tears or just something else entirely?” "I feel passionately about living out the teachings of Theology of the Body in my life and future marriage. I’m finding a dilemma that many men, Catholic men, want to break off a relationship when they find out I don’t want to have sex or engage in any acts where orgasms are sought separate from sex open to life in marriage. I’ve tried to explain it is about making love and loving one another in the way God loves. But I haven’t been able to get any man to see the beauty and desire this with me, and I’m starting to get discouraged. I’m trusting in God’s plan, but I’m finding temptation to put up with occasional sin in my marriage, hoping that the holy sex will change the man’s heart one day. Can you give me advice?" “I feel heartbroken. I found out that my boyfriend's pornography use and social media lust, which I previously thought was in the past, had relapsed and continued throughout our relationship for years without me knowing. He has now stopped and is almost free of this issue. What can I do to make this pain go away? I feel sad to think of him looking at other women that way. How can I still feel like our marriage will be special in that way, if while he was dating me, he chose to look at other women without me knowing? I just want this pain to go away so I can move forward in our relationship without feeling like I won't be enough for him or comparing myself to these women." Resources: TOB I: Head & Heart Immersion Course July 14-19, 2026 Course Schedule Ignite Hope Discerning Marriage Retreat Info --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Proving Recovery from Porn to a Partner, Re-evaluating Male Shirtlessness & The Ethics of Menstrual Cups | ACW383

Questions answered this episode: I want to fully understand Theology of the Body but struggle due to a history with porn addiction. Exposed at 13, I fell away from the Church and entered an ill-advised marriage where porn use was encouraged, ending in divorce. Now, by the grace of God, it’s been several months since I’ve slipped. Resources like the Matt Fradd show, Internal Family Systems, and Covenant Eyes have helped immensely. I’ve met an amazing woman, but when I told her about my addiction, she expressed concern that I haven't done enough to address it. How do I know if I’ve done enough? What resources would you recommend? My fiancé and I have been discerning swim modesty, particularly for men. I love swimming and see many modest options for women, but what about men? I felt like seeing my fiancé without his shirt for the first time was a big deal, as a level of nakedness would be revealed that hadn’t been before. We discerned him wearing a swim shirt, as I want to wait to see this nakedness until marriage. He has struggled with it, and I didn't want to force it. Should men have a level of modesty and cover up while swimming, or is it modest for men to swim shirtless since that’s acceptable in our culture? Are there any feminine hygiene products that are not acceptable? Tampons are required to go into the body, and menstrual cups or disks even require a woman to actually reach her hand up her vagina to insert and to remove. This feels a little bit like the line towards masturbation is being pushed. Resources: Way of Beauty Course with Bill Donaghy Course Schedule Freedom Coaching TOB Institute Store John Paul II Healing Center Desert Stream Ministries --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Healing Sexual Performance Wounds, Wearing “Sexy” Attire in Marriage & How Find God’s Gaze | ACW382

Questions answered this episode: I have a question about Second Chronicles, chapter seven, verse fourteen, which says: 'If my people, who are called by my name, humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.' My question is: how do we seek God’s face? I hear it all the time, but I’m not sure exactly how to do it. Is it through adoration, reading scripture, or sitting silently in His presence?" My wife and I have been married for 11 years with six children. Before we met, she had a four-year romantic relationship that was not chastened. Through the Lord’s work, we lived a call to chastity in our engagement and marriage. While there has been healing from her past wounds, we realize more is needed. When we married, my wife was shocked that she had less desire for sex than in her previous relationship. We also struggle for her to reach climax, which wasn't a problem then. This leaves me feeling unworthy, incapable, and unloved, despite her deep love for me. We’ve tried applying Theology of the Body to our struggle, but we don’t know how. Can you talk about lingerie or cute short dresses only used within the privacy of a husband and wife in Catholic teaching? I always thought about it as something beautiful that looks good and that I would love to wear, but not outside—something that my husband could enjoy between us privately. I’m worried it is not good to wear anything ‘sexy’ or short, flattering on the body, and clearly inviting even for your husband. I don’t know if this is scrupulosity or fear that it will be bad for our marriage, for him, or for me. For context, I’m not married yet but soon will be and I’m preparing excitedly. Resources: Nacho Libre Video TOB1 Course Course Schedule Lingerie Podcast Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript

Finding Beauty in a Drooling Pope, the Sexual Desire of a Single Woman, and a Widow's Exhausting Loneliness. | ACW381

Questions answered this episode: As a teacher of Theology of the Body, I was presented with a picture of Pope John Paul II by a former student. Before seeing it, I hoped for an image of his younger, energetic self—skiing, hiking, or writing. However, it was a close-up of him as an elderly man, hunched in a chair. I felt a wave of disappointment, realizing I struggle to see the beauty in the entirety of life and the aging body. I know I have healing to do in my heart; how do I begin to see the whole life cycle as a gift? As a single woman, is it wrong to have sexual desires? I don’t think about men lustfully; it’s more of a deep ache to be loved, married, and have sex. At random times, I wish I had someone to hold, caress, and embrace in the marital act. My body also shows physical signs of arousal, especially during certain times in my cycle—perhaps God’s way of giving me a foretaste of the New Jerusalem. I’ve tried offering my desires to God in prayer, but I still feel this ache in my heart and body. I am 60 years old and have been a widow for eight years. My husband and I were looking forward to a new chapter of intimacy after our children moved out, but then he died. In my anger and grief, I invited a deviant sexual spirit upon myself, feeling it was ridiculous to live without sex or marriage at my age. Though I have since repented, I feel heartbroken and betrayed by God. I feel I was created to be a wife, yet I am exhausted from being alone with no mate in sight. I simply want to know: why? --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠ Resources: ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ Love & Responsibility YouTube Series

• Transcript

Joyfully Surrender to a Crying Infant, Is God In Vulgar Art, & Trading Pornography For True Intimacy. | ACW380

Questions answered this episode: I’m a first-time mom to an almost six-month-old, and motherhood is both the most beautiful and difficult thing I’ve ever done. I struggle with knowing what it means to lay down my life as a parent. In other relationships, we’re taught to set healthy boundaries and ensure our needs are met, but in motherhood, even my basic needs—sleep, exercise, seeing friends—feel like sacrifices. The other night, a failed attempt at extra sleep left me frustrated with God, my baby, my husband, and myself for not sacrificing more joyfully. I genuinely love my daughter, but how do I truly learn to joyfully surrender? Why does the Lord ask so much of me? I know Christopher has mentioned in the past that music and movies can be a pathway to feeling the Lord’s love and grace. But what about movies and music that are vulgar or sexually explicit? Is this holy in its own way, or is it something that should be avoided? In a YouTube video, I heard Christopher distinguish between "being gay" and experiencing same-sex attraction. I began to understand that my sexual dimension doesn't define my whole person, yet that "something more" has become invisible due to pornography. I mostly feel desire, longing, and conflict. I felt that if I fought my inclinations, there would be nothing left of me; need for love and pleasure became so intertwined I couldn't distinguish them. I viewed my lack of a physical partner as proof I’m unworthy of love. After much pain, I’m asking if there’s another way to fill this void—one that seeks deep, soulful closeness rather than just pleasure. Resources: U2 Scars Song Course Schedule --- Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. --- 🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠ 📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠ ⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠ --- Submit you question here! --- 🎟️ Event Schedule 📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule 🏔️ Pilgrimages 🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠ *If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

• Transcript