All About Nothing With Ruth Cohn

Ruth Cohn

Join Ruth Cohn MFT, Author & Neglect-Informed Psychotherapy Pioneer, Certified Sex Therapist, Certified in Neurofeedback, EMDR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and Imago Relationship Therapy, as she offers insights and discussions on various mental health topics.

Play

Open in

23 episodes
Avg 35 min
English

Episodes 23

Newest Oldest Longest

All20 Unplayed20 In progress0 Played0

Counted on this page — what you have heard stays on this device, so it is not something the list can be paged by.

#49
Wednesday · 18 min
A Temporary Problem
Content note: This week's video does address the subject of suicide. If you or someone you know are in distress, in the US you can call 888, at any hour and there will be someone there to talk to. In other countries, locate the support services in your area. It is amazing how powerful it can be to simply have someone else there on the other end of the line. I remember once hearing an interview with a sportscaster who had a late night sports radio call-in show. A woman called him, not knowing who he was. She was in crisis and thought she had reached a crisis line. The man stayed on the phone with her, on the air, for two hours, until he was able to get someone there to help her. She lived many years after that. The interviewer asked the sportscaster how he knew what to do. He replied he did not really know, but when he was young he grandfather had died in a similar crisis. The experience was healing for him as well. In AA, "It is a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem."
#48
Wednesday · 54 min
Two Ruth's, featuring Ruth Lanius
This week I am delighted to present as our guest someone whom I have long held in the highest regard - everyone who has ever heard me teach before is already familiar with her, my long time friend, colleague, and esteemed teacher, world renowned neuroscientist Ruth Lanius. She will talk to us about her most recent research exploring sensory systems, so very relevant to neglect and every kind of trauma. She is also a prolific author of hundreds of papers and three great books. The work she is now studying is called SMART, Sensory Motor Affect Regulation Training. I am eager to try it myself!
#47
Wednesday · 1 hr
Tragic Loss, featuring Sebern Fisher
Adrienne Rich famously declared that for a daughter, the loss of the mother, and for a mother, the loss of the daughter is the “essential female tragedy.” We would now widen the tightly gendered language to be far more inclusive and diverse. However, and whomever we are describing, the attachment researchers agree, that the primary other is the infant’s first love, and the loss or absence of that other is profoundly tragic and indeed traumatic. That is a theme running through Sebern Fisher’s new memoir, The Hidden Book of First Things, written from the standpoint of therapist, patient/client, mother, profoundly traumatized, dramatically healed and enthusiastic practitioner and recipient of powerfully effective neurofeedback. Sebern is our guest in this week’s episode, where we discuss neglect, which she prefers to call absence; the book; Neurofeedback, and many other subjects including recollections of our relationship which goes back to 2009.
#46
August 25 · 25 min
Nothing to Lose
Although this would ordinarily be my week for a blog, I must admit I am completely consumed with getting ready for Oxford which is sneaking up fast! So I decided I would talk to you instead. Thus this video. Serendipitously I received an email from a woman across the world, who is struggling with her present day relationships with family and requested that I record some videos on that subject. As it happens, I have a whole book in my head on the topic. So I made this video about that. A complicated subject, it is not all good news, but mostly, as far as I am concerned! In case you were wondering, I do enjoy getting you emails! And I read them all!
#45
August 25 · 1 hr 3 min
Different Strokes featuring Joshua Rodriguez
As champion of the invisible, I am always looking to raise awareness about individuals and groups who are unseen, ignored, excluded, misunderstood or worse. Where I live in San Francisco, USA, there is a relatively high level of diversity, but even here some minorities including sexual minorities continue to be marginalized. Since I have lived here, when food shopping at my favorite store down on Folsom Street, one weekend of the year, it is crowded with black leather and bare cheeks: the Folsom Street Fair, the annual celebration of Kink and BDSM (Bondage-Discipline Dominance and Submission.) It brings about 400,000 people to town, a not-trivial minority. Yet recently when I learned the term GSRD (Gender, Sexuality and Relationship Divergent) as a replacement for the not inclusive enough “alphabet soup” of LGBTQI+, it was brought to my attention that there is no letter in the soup representing kink. When first becoming a sex therapist in 1999 I began to learn about Kink, which is the larger umbrella term for BDSM, and it became clear to me how little I knew and understood about it, and how I had always viewed it through a trauma lens. I am still trying to understand it but continue to learn. At a recent conference in New York, where I spoke about neglect, a man came and introduced himself to me. He resembled the men I see on Folsom Street, except for the cheeks of course. I could see it in his face when he told me how much hearing about neglect spoke to him. He is Joshua Rodriguez. I am delighted to present Joshua as our guest for today. What Joshua speaks about may sound foreign to many of us, as some BDSM practices have to me. Some people’s idea of pleasure I continue to work hard to understand. We are not recommending anything here. “Don’t try this at home!” I continue to be devoted to the Six Principles of Sexual Health. Please join us in practicing inclusivity! The Six Principles of Sexual Health (courtesy of Doug Braun-Harvey): 1. Consent 2. Non-exploitation 3. Honesty 4. Shared Values 5. Protection from sexually transmitted infections 6. Pleasure
#44
August 25 · 18 min
Mash-up
This week's video, is kind of a "mash-up," an informal mix of news and update, a bit of apology for being irregular and unreliable with my posts, and a bit of a preview of coming attractions. Hoping all are managing the abounding "instabilities" around us all: heat, fires, war, an increasingly expensive daily life... Today's song fits with the "mash-up" theme. It doesn't directly relate to the content of the video, but I love the song, and the song's video! Hope you enjoy it too, and are getting some time for pleasure this summer! (or whatever season it is in your country!)
#43
August 25 · 1 hr 1 min
Stretching in Relationship, featuring De West
When I first studied Imago Relationship Therapy, now almost 30 years ago, its brilliant founder, Harville Hendrix, taught me many new ways of thinking about things. He steered us away from the idea of “compromise,” where it seemed no one would be satisfied in a lasting or resilient way. Rather, he taught us the concept of both partners “stretching” toward the other: moving gently beyond my own paradigm toward that of my partner, to resolve a disconnect or conflict. I have retained that concept over all these years. Stretching my body? Well, not so much! I always hated stretching, had no use for anything but cardio activity. I barely tolerated the brief stretching routine we had to do on group bike rides. I wanted nothing more than to move. I suppose I was chronically “running from a tiger.” Now with strange, admittedly limiting and painful issues in my neck and spine, I have had to learn the disavowed words “I can’t” about some simple things, like looking up at the bird my husband the semi-ornithologist would be pointing to. When there appeared to be no viable medical treatment for me, I first lapsed into despair and then grudgingly took the advice of dear friend and trusted counsel Janina Fisher, who referred me to her long-time yoga teacher. That was a long shot. If I hated stretching, I really had not use for yoga! But influenced by my relationship with Janina, I gave in and made the call. Then I met De. I discovered first that I hated yoga, but I loved her. And now almost a year after starting to work at least twice a week with De, I have come almost to like it. Sometimes I will be lying on the mat, and just well up with gratitude. Once again, with attachment anything is possible. In today’s video I am delighted to introduce you to De!
#42
July 1 · 16 min
Updating Files
As I return from the flurry of conferences of the last three months, I am dizzy with all the change in myself. It takes a while to locate myself, and see an up to date version in the mirror. After so many years of being invisible and on the outside of everything (or at least that was my self-image) and consciously or unconsciously scared all the time, I feel jarringly different, at least much of the time. Other times I feel that same old way. When we do a lot of healing work, and grow, we change in all kinds of ways. And I remember learning somewhere long ago, that with the ongoing biology of cell division and re-generation, even seven years, our whole body has had a re-fresh. Kind of a refreshing thought, no? This process of updating files, requires time, integration, and humility, as some of the change that comes with aging, is less welcome. And because sometimes we lapse into old ways, at least for a minute, I also remember the words, there is no mirror like an old friend! Someone who has witnessed the changes and continued to update their files about us. On the note of changes. Admittedly I have always hated yoga, at least the idea of it. When I started having issues with my neck and spine, it was strongly recommended to me that I try yoga. When Janina fisher made a strong recommendation for this person, I could not ignore it. I contacted De West. For a long time I would emphatically say, "I hate yoga”, but I LOVE my teacher. Now I have even come to like it. When she told me about her upcoming free webinar, I had to share it with you. I'm glad to be home! Note: this podcast was recorded prior to the 37th Annual Boston International Trauma Conference, which took place May 27-30, 2026.
#41
May 8 · 19 min
Martyr's Day
May means many things to many people. In California, USA, it is Cheese Month! Here in the US and some other countries, it brings Mother's Day. For those with histories of trauma and neglect, Mother's Day may be a day of bittersweet or even only bitter memories. My husband an I are not parents and both of our mother's are long passed, so it is a regular Sunday. But admittedly I cannot think of May without remembering the fateful day of May 25, 2020 when George Floyd was murdered by police in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I think of him throughout the year. Recently I heard an announcement about a designated "Martyr's Day", scheduled for July to commemorate the many lives lost in the long and enduring fight for Civil Rights. I also learned that there was a Martyr's Day declared on January 30 to memorialize the date of Mahatma Gandhi's assassination in 1948. This year on May 8th we will observe Martyr's Day in our house. All those visible and invisible who made great personal sacrifices of one kind or another in the service of a better world.
#40
April 23 · 22 min
The Gift of Existence
Giving and receiving are delicate matters for survivors of neglect trauma. Many, if not most, are much more comfortable on the giving side of the equation - up to a point. Equation is an apt word here, because often, there is some sort of conscious or unconscious calculus of what the gift is “worth,” what it merits or warrants in return, or what it means. It is especially tricky when it comes to gifts to or from the therapist. There is a wide range of philosophical, theoretical and ethical standpoints on this, and a world of varying experiences. In this week’s video we dip in to that deep subject.
#39
April 23 · 22 min
Be Safe This Time
In this week’s video we make a short foray into one aspect of repair that is elusive and potentially harmful. When I say short, I mean that we could discuss it for many hours, and it spills into a subject that is very powerful and dear to my heart, the delicate task of forgiveness, which I have a whole book in me about! So this is a passing glance at best, from the standpoint of “confronting of perpetrators and those who have hurt us." It is controversial at best, but again my attempt to learn from experience, and share what I have learned the hard way. Also a shout out for my dear friend and brilliant colleague Janina Fisher's upcoming live Q&A. You can register at https://therapywisdom.com/ask-me-anyt... to join live or to ensure you receive the limited-time replay if you aren't able to make it to the live Q&A.
#38
March 26 · 49 min
Featuring special guest Prentis Hemphill
This week I am delighted to welcome special guest Prentis Hemphill. I have seen Prentis, perhaps from afar for a number of years. They seemed to embody so many of the values I hold most dear: healing, social justice, somatics, non-binary gender and sexualities, and "walking the walk." Of course in my neglect survivor way, I was perhaps intimidated by someone this awesome. However I later discovered, you can add humility to the list. They are delightfully approachable. What did it was reading their book, What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World. When I read the chapter where Prentis welcomes their daughter, I knew I had to approach them, to talk about that with all of you. It is an honor to welcome them!
#37
March 12 · 57 min
Three Cheers! featuring Janina Fisher
This week’s video is a triple celebration, we celebrate International Women’s Month and a universe of precious women; we celebrate Janina Fisher, an exemplary woman (and I can celebrate twenty years of knowing and then friendship with her); and another celebration for Janina’s book launch: Embracing our Fragmented Selves. Three cheers as we welcome our special guest!! Janina's new book can be purchased here: https://www.amazon.com/Embracing-Our-Fragmented-Selves-Therapists/dp/1683738918 Janina's website: https://janinafisher.com/
#36
March 5 · 21 min
The AI Bypass
A few years ago, I read a then new novel called Klara and the Sun, by Kazuo Ishiguro. I have found Ishiguro’s work interesting and provocative. Although I have never been fond of science fiction or fantasy, something about how he incorporates other worlds with existential themes, has been compelling to me. And does not gnaw against questions of credibility. This book, about human-like dolls and their relationships with each other and with humans, I found fascinating. Of course, relationship in general can be engaging and interesting. At the time, (2021) I had no idea what was coming. Living in the San Francisco Bay Area in the USA, I am in the heartland of technology and AI. Artificial Intelligence is of course the big buzz now. I resisted it for a while, especially as I saw the proliferation of what I call “ghost cars,” the self-driving electric vehicles speeding driverless seemingly everywhere. They give me the creeps, although a number of my neglect clients actually use them and like them as they prefer not having to interact with a live human driver. However, as a writer, I have found that AI can be handy, for finding citations, or formatting footnotes, or asking a quick logistical question, like” is this a postal holiday?” I would not dream of asking ChatGPT to write something for me. I am way too vain for that! Admittedly I have a hard time not saying please and thank you to the bot. It is so friendly and seemingly generous with me. I also began to hear stories from clients, interacting with it rather like friends or “counsel” on matters that they might not want to bother me or another human with. I don’t mind that, as long as it does not become a simple and painless substitute for the hard work of relationship, which is of course the nemesis of neglect survivors. I have become concerned, that the chatbot can become an easy bypass for authentic relationships with human and non-human living beings. Although I have not investigated yet, I know that every new technology ever, has become a market -place for sexual relationship. I shudder to think about where AI will go with sex, if it has not already. Anyway, it seemed like a good time to review the Dilemma Without Solution, the heart of neglect trauma.
#35
February 6 · 29 min
A Secret World?
At the core of neglect trauma is loss. Even loss of what was perhaps never there in the first place, but should have been. This week we will talk about two topics that rarely get spoken of: one's intimate sexual life, and aging. We will touch on both of these often secret or uncertain worlds, that way too often are navigated alone, or with a measure of shame. On the subject of aging and shame, when you watch the video you will see I have not one but two senior moments! Where my mind goes blank! Here is everything I could not remember! The 6 Principles: Consent, Non-exploitation, Honesty, Shared Values, Protection from Sexually-Transmitted Infections, Pleasure. My Golden Rule: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, who what good am I? If not now, when? Now go and study! Sallie Foley's Book: Sex & Love for Grownups: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion.
#34
January 15 · 23 min
Hope Will Not Be Cancelled
Hope Will Not Be Cancelled Healing from trauma and neglect can feel endless, and in a way it really is. Not infrequently, and even after all these years, I am humbly reminded: “Oh there it is again.” The experience of time standing still, emptiness, is a signature of the neglect experience. In a universe of nothing, nothing changes, which is why waiting and boredom are so excruciating and unbearable to survivors of neglect. It feels like deadness. There is no future. The state of the world is so bleak these days. Here it is, a new year. I wondered what can I talk with you about today? I remembered back in the early Pandemic days, it seemed as if time stood still. It was unreal. Solitary confinement is an internationally recognized form of torture and we were all virtually in it. It seems like a distant dream now. It did pass. And so will this. During COVID, things were getting cancelled right and left. I remember coming across the slogan Hope Will Not Be Cancelled. It was heartening to me, and I made a sticker of that slogan and pasted it all over everything. I figured that would be our topic for today. Please be sure to listen to the song today. It really says it better than anything I could. And let’s stay connected and keep hope alive.
#33
Dec 19, 2025 · 26 min
All About Hope
The winter holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration for some, and for those with histories of trauma and neglect, it may very well be a time of particular pain and loneliness. Where I live there is a (to me) overblown culture of consumerism and consumption, with great emphasis put on buying and giving things, gifts. For those of us with histories of trauma and neglect, or the specific trauma of poverty, there may be even more distorted meanings around giving and getting. I always somehow imagined or dreamed that I would get something really special that would show me I was special, that I was worth something; or that I might be sufficiently known to receive something I would like. Giving gave me a way to at least for a minute, feel appreciated, even if it was not really me that was appreciated, but the material gift. Giving and receiving can be particularly fraught for survivors of neglect. That is the theme of this week's video. Finally, few words about hope: I had the privilege of going to hear revolutionary icon Angela Davis speak. She is now 82. Davis was a champion of the US Black Power Movement of the 1970's. It meant a lot to me that she of all people, is hopeful! Best wishes of the season to all! And hope for the year to come!
#32
Dec 11, 2025 · 30 min
Where's the Spark?
Amidst the buzz about sex that seems to always be around, for many of us, your clients may be wondering about their own lackluster sex lives, their partners having "lost interest," or accusing them of losing interest. They may be wondering "what is wrong with me?" Or what is wrong with my partner?" Or what is "normal." Those with a neglect history, who never had anyone to ask or talk to about even their pubescent changing bodies, may be full of questions that they may never ask. Admittedly this may be true for us personally. There are many reasons for the missing or lost spark. It may be an expression of the dysregulated, hypo-aroused neglect survivor's brain; developmental age-related bodily changes, or misconceptions about desire in the first place. Shame and prevailing myth, keeps people from speaking to or asking even their own partners. Similarly, one may wonder about their own or their partners' seemingly insatiable or extreme appetites for both quantity and sexual activity. This week's video breaks the silence about a very large topic.
#31
Dec 4, 2025 · 24 min
A Feeling in the Air
It is a challenging time of year for those with neglect and incident trauma histories. The winter holidays of any denomination may be fraught with family memories of all kinds...disappointment, feeling outcast or different, or more traumatic episodes. In the US it is a time of great commotion, consumerism, and congestion. Pressure to have happy families to have happy celebrations with, lots of buying and giving and eating...these pressures on top of already existing difficulties. It is not fitting with the "Norman Rockwell" idyllic image of a harmonious, white, nuclear family with a beautiful tree and lots of presents. All this may result in feelings of shame, envy and grief. Oy vey! My husband and I choose to feel the whole thing, and head for someplace warm and quiet. Another insidious experience for many, the now better understood "anniversary reaction" phenomenon. The body/nervous system seems to have an uncanny additional sense or calendar where it registers the approach of a fraught time of trauma. One's reactivity seems to ramp up for no apparent reason. If you find yourself feeling more reactive, irritable or out of sorts at this time of year, you are not alone. That is our topic this week. Do take heart. As ever, the more trauma processing we do, the easier things get over time.
#30
Nov 20, 2025 · 1 hr 2 min
True, Kind, Necessary
Next week is the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US, never a favorite of mine. For an anorexic kid, it was a true nightmare. I always thought of it as “the great American eating holiday.” There was no escaping all that food, that I did not even like. Now it is more an ideological distaste as it celebrates a fictitious harmony of colonial and Indigenous people breaking bread together, hardly the history as I understand it. However, I am all about any celebration of gratitude, and I am certainly grateful to have food, certainly not to be taken for granted in these times. A couple of weeks ago I had the good fortune to meet Trish McOrmond through a webinar I gave. Trish, a sociologist, trauma informed coach, mother and very wise woman, is of the Wahkotowin Cree Nation, Edmonton, Canada. She generously enlightened me about their Native attachment and parenting model, which unlike the dyadic one I am most familiar with, involves the collective. I was both humbled and fascinated. We are privileged to welcome Trish today as our special guest. She mentioned that she taught her children to express themselves freely, and say it all provided it is true, kind and necessary. Let’s all celebrate gratitude, whatever we might call it!

Showing 1–20 of 23 episodes