A Way Beyond the Rainbow

Waheed Jensen

A podcast series discussing the everyday struggles of Muslims with same-sex attractions (SSA) who want to live a life true to Allah and Islam. I am Waheed Jensen, and I have SSA. In today’s world, it seems the overwhelming narrative out there is “love is love” and “embrace your sexual identity”. There are many of us who find that to be incompatible with the life we want to live, which is a God-conscious life in line with the teachings of Islam. This podcast series is a safe space for Muslims who struggle with SSA, as well as parents, family members, friends, imams, chaplains, community leaders, and the community at large.

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97 episodes
Updated Aug 3, 2025

Episodes97

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Sep 10, 2021 · 47 min
#55 - On Masturbation: Thinking Beyond Black and White
In this episode, we explore the topic of masturbation comprehensively, from its legal (fiqh), physiological and psychological angles, taking into consideration particular complexities and nuances relevant to men and women dealing with same-sex attractions. We also discuss practical tips and tools to help us keep masturbation in check in our lives. Under what conditions can masturbation be considered haram or halal? What are the benefits and harms of masturbation? If a single man or woman dealing with same-sex attractions needs a "sexual release", would masturbation be safe and acceptable? How can we deal with compulsive masturbation? What are some recommendations to help us curb our desires and keep such habit in check? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - Fiqh al-Sunnah (فقه السنّة) by al-Sayyid Sābiq (Arabic) - Like a Garment: Intimacy in Islam by Sh. Yasir Qadhi - TED talk “A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit” by Judson Brewer - SA, Sexaholics Anonymous webpage - No Fap website Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Sep 6, 2021 · 46 min
#54 - On Islamic Sexual Ethics and Gender Norms
In this episode, we explore together some of the ripple effects of the sexual revolution and gay liberation movement, discuss the nature of morality in Islam, and introduce relevant sexual ethics and gender norms within Islam based on the male-female dichotomy. What are some of the tangible effects of the sexual revolution that we witness nowadays? How do we understand morality, sexuality and gender norms within an Islamic framework, and how does that contrast with the modern Western paradigm? Are there Islamic legal exceptions or special considerations for men and women dealing with same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria when it comes to matters of morality and behavior with members of one's own gender? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used in this episode: - "Boys will be Boys - Gender identity issues" by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad - "Fall of the Family" by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad - "Gender, Sexuality, Morality and Identity" webinar by Dr. Sharif El-Tobgui Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 20, 2021 · 1 hr 1 min
#53 - On Setting Boundaries (Part II)
This is part II of a 2-episode series on setting boundaries. In this episode, Amina and I discuss setting boundaries with people who have narcissistic tendencies, how to prepare mentally for any pushback, and how to avoid being pulled into the arena of what many psychologists call "pathological narcissists". What are some characteristics and behaviors of "pathological narcissists", and how might they behave when we start setting boundaries with them? How do I deal with parents, relatives, partners, friends or colleagues who have narcissistic and manipulative tendencies? How do I avoid being manipulated by them? If my parents are actually "pathological narcissists", how do I reconcile being dutiful to them while setting boundaries with them and avoiding their manipulation and mind games? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Ross Rosenberg’s videos: "Observe Don't Absorb" technique (example videos here and here), "Induced Conversation" (part I and part II), "Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm" and "12 Potent Tricks" of narcissists Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 16, 2021 · 1 hr 40 min
#52 - On Setting Boundaries (Part I)
This is part I of a 2-episode series on setting boundaries. In this episode, Amina and I discuss what boundaries are, how to define your own boundaries, communicate them and maintain them, as well as techniques on how to say "no" and how to clearly communicate your needs with others in your life. Are my boundaries loose, rigid or flexible? What are the three main types of boundaries, and how can I assess these boundaries in my life? What is the difference between emotional dumping and venting? How do I communicate boundaries, say "no" to others and tell others how I feel and what I want/need without hurting them or second guessing myself? How do I deal with any backlash if it takes place? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover - Ross Rosenberg’s videos on codependency - Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazipura Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 13, 2021 · 1 hr 28 min
#51 - On Healing Codependency and Emotional Dependency (Part II)
This is part II of a 2-episode series on healing codependency and emotional dependency. In this episode, Amina and I discuss how to reclaim our place and power in relationships, how to help men reclaim their masculinity, how to reconnect with our path and purpose, as well as how to begin to heal emotional dependency. How do I feel more secure in my friendships and romantic relationships? How can a cost-benefit analysis help me continue with or sever a relationship? How can men dealing with codependency and/or same-sex attractions reclaim their sense of masculinity and feel like "men among other men"? How do I begin to chart my own path in life and connect with my purpose? How do I deal with procrastination along the way? If I am in an emotionally dependent relationship, is there hope for healing and growth, or should I sever that relationship altogether? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Ross Rosenberg’s videos on codependency - "When Friendships Become Toxic: Understanding Emotional Dependency" webinar by Brothers Road Additional resources (support groups, books): - Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDa) international website - The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattle - The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation by Melody Beattle - You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must know to have peace in their lives by Jeanette Elisabeth Menter - The Road Back to Me: Healing and Recovering From Co-dependency, Addiction, Enabling, and Low Self Esteem by Lisa Romano - Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency by Robert Weiss Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 9, 2021 · 1 hr 11 min
#50 - On Healing Codependency and Emotional Dependency (Part I)
This is part I of a 2-episode series on healing codependency and emotional dependency. In this episode, Amina and I discuss how codependency shares similar traits with addiction, and we explore some of the goals, expectations and practical tips on the healing journey, starting with reclaiming our personal power. How can I stop people pleasing and focus on my own growth instead? What aspects of self-care help me overcome codependency and emotional dependency? Why are expressing feelings and boundary setting important on the healing journey, and how can we practice them in a safe environment? How can we let go of fear and practice surrender? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Video on "CoDependency and Addiction Recovery" - Ross Rosenberg’s videos on codependency and self-love abundancy pyramids - Ross Rosenberg's "Understanding Trauma and Rosenberg's HITCH", "Healing The Inner Trauma Child (HITCH) Method", and "Healing the Inner Trauma Child Psychotherapy Method" Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 6, 2021 · 1 hr 27 min
#49 - On the Characteristics of Codependency and Emotional Dependency
In our second episode in the series on attachments, codependency and emotional dependency, Amina and I discuss the mental, emotional and behavioral characteristics that many individuals dealing with codependency and/or emotional dependency tend to exhibit. What is the difference between caring and care taking? Why do I avoid confrontation and resort to people pleasing? Why do I hide my mistakes and have an attitude of perfectionism? Why do I enjoy giving but struggle with receiving? Why do I struggle with being too enmeshed in my relationships or too avoidant? What's the difference between codependency and genuine empathy? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap by Ross Rosenberg - "The Difference Between Being an Empath & Being Codependent" video - "When Friendships Become Toxic: Understanding Emotional Dependency" webinar by Brothers Road Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Aug 2, 2021 · 58 min
#48 - On the Origins of Emotional Attachments and Codependency
In a series of episodes on emotional attachments, dependency and codependency, my friend Amina joins me to discuss the origins and characteristics of these themes as well as relevant and practical healing and recovery work. In this episode, we talk about the origins of attachment styles in adulthood, the four styles of adult attachment, and we introduce the topic of codependency. Why am I anxious in my relationships with others? Why am I avoidant of commitment and intimacy? What is codependency and where does it come from? These and other questions are addressed in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode: - Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Ross Rosenberg’s videos on codependency and self-love deficit disorder pyramids - An explanation of Adult attachment styles Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 23, 2021 · 1 hr 28 min
#47 - On Inner Child Work and Reparenting
An important theme along the healing and recovery journey is inner child work and re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into childhood attachment theory, introduce the inner child, inner parent and inner adult, as well as the inner child archetypes, and we talk about practical tools of inner child work and the reparenting process. Who is my inner child and how different is he/she from my inner adult? What does this kind of work have to do with the healing and recovery journey? How can I communicate with my inner child? How can I manage my emotional and sexual triggers using inner child work? These and other questions are discussed in this episode. Resources used in this episode: - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Coming Out Straight: Understanding Same-Sex Attraction by Richard Cohen - Re-Parent Your Inner Child masterclass by DailyOM Recommended books mentioned in the episode: - Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw - Recovery of Your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione - Healing the Child Within by Dr. Charles Whitfield - Self Parenting: The Complete Guide to Your Inner Conversations by John Pollard - The Inner Child Workbook by Cathryn Taylor - Recovery from Codependency: It's Never Too Late to Reclaim Your Childhood by Dr. Laurie Weiss and Dr. Jonathan Weiss - Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction by Eddie Capparucci Sample meditations for connecting with and healing the inner child: - "Inner Child Meditation" by Dr. Nicole LePera - "Healing the Inner Child" meditation by Andrew Johnson - "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Selena Lael - "Inner Child Healing Meditation: Self Love, Inner Power & Self Worth Affirmations" by Kenneth Soares - "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Diane Linsley - "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Oliver Jenkin - "Healing Inner Child & Emotional Processing Meditation" by Erin Colleen Geraghty Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 19, 2021 · 1 hr 35 min
#46 - On Healing Complex Trauma
This is part 4 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing. In this episode, Aadam and I talk about a holistic approach to healing complex trauma using the bio-psycho-social-spiritual model, wrapping up our series on complex trauma. How do proper nutrition and sleep impact my healing and recovery? What are some grounding techniques that could help me deal with my triggers? How can relationships help me heal my old wounds? Is a spiritual connection a necessary component of the healing process? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Resources used and mentioned in the episode: - Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher - Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection by Dr. Gabor Maté - The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation by Dr. Stephen Porges - Anger release scene from the series, "How to Get Away with Murder", played by Viola Davis - The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk (main book), and related workbook - Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. Helwa Additional resources: - Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson - The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame by Pete Walker - Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Dr. Sidney Simon and Suzanne Simon - Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker - Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation by Dr. Stephen Porges Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 16, 2021 · 1 hr 28 min
#45 - On the Effects and Characteristics of Complex Trauma (Part II)
*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners* This is part 3 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing. In this episode, Aadam and I continue our talk on the effects and characteristics of complex trauma by discussing interpersonal and relationship aspects. We also cover the topic of trauma bonds developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes. How does complex trauma impact my relationships with family, friends, colleagues and romantic partners? Why do I have issues developing intimacy, trust and respect with people I love and care about? Why do I push people away or hurt them? Why do I end up repeating the same problems but in different contexts? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Resources used in the episode: - Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher - Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb - Trauma Bonds by Patrick J. Carnes Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 12, 2021 · 1 hr 52 min
#44 - On the Effects and Characteristics of Complex Trauma (Part I)
*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners* This is part 2 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing. In this episode, Aadam and I talk about how complex trauma impacts our self-identity and self-perception, contributes to a shame narrative, and leads to a myriad of emotional, cognitive and behavioral effects and characteristics. How does complex trauma lead to the narrative that "I am unworthy, unlovable and not good enough"? In what ways does trauma affect our coping strategies? Why do we sometimes fear change, the unknown, and even success? Why do we feel chronically empty? Why do some of us escape into a fantasy world and dissociate? What are some cognitive distortions to watch out for on the journey of healing and recovery? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Resources used in the episode: - Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher - Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 9, 2021 · 1 hr 51 min
#43 - On the Origins of Complex Trauma
*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners* My friend Aadam joins me on a four-episode series that focuses on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing. In this episode, we talk about the definition of complex trauma and factors that lead to it, the survival brain and the fight-flight-freeze response, as well as the different parental or caregiver dynamics that may give rise to complex trauma during childhood. What is the difference between simple and complex traumas, little t and big T traumas? How does the stress response work, and how does it manifest in our lives as far as our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships are concerned? How can unhealthy parental or caregiver dynamics give rise to complex trauma and influence our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships as adults? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References mentioned and resources used in the episode: - Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher - Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) - ACEs research and publications Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 5, 2021 · 54 min
#42 - On Self-Awareness
In this episode, we begin our series on healing and recovery work by covering the basics of conscious self-awareness and mindfulness. We discuss how most of our time is spent on auto-pilot mode and how we can bring our minds back into the present moment through simple daily practice. We also talk about the importance of knowing ourselves and our histories, as well as what to expect on the journey of healing and recovery. Why do I feel stuck on my journey and how can I overcome this? How will mindfulness, meditation and conscious awareness help me overcome my trauma and challenges? How can I overcome moments of self-pity and self-involvement? These and other questions are discussed in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in the episode: - How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera - The Battle for Normality: A Guide for (Self-) Therapy for Homosexuality by Dr. Gerard van den Aardweg - Insight Timer app - Future Self Journal: get your PDF file here; and learn how to use it here. - The Van den Aardweg Questionnaire - The Self-Observation Questionnaire and Exercises Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Jul 2, 2021 · 54 min
#41 - On Words and a Vision of Healing
With this episode, we commence season 4 which is dedicated to healing and recovery work. In the season 4 premiere, we examine the effects of words; there are words that hurt and words that heal. We also present a working vision for healing that will pave the way for the myriad of topics to come this season, inshaAllah. What are some words that ought to be revised in our conversations, particularly with those on their healing and recovery journeys? How do we, as individuals, families and communities, listen to, love and care for those of us struggling with same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria? How do we understand our authentic self (our fitrah) in relation to what we have been through in our lives? These and other questions will be discussed in today's episode. Resource mentioned in the episode: - Layer of Personality diagram Send as an anonymous one-way text message
May 24, 2021 · 5 min
Teaser - Seasons 4 and 5
A glimpse into the topics coming up in seasons 4 and 5 of the podcast, inshaAllah. Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Nov 23, 2020 · 2 hr 37 min
#40 - Alan's Story: "Making Peace with My Painful Past"
In the last episode of this season, my friend Alan joins me and shares with us many gems from his journey of healing, recovery and overcoming same-sex attractions, attachments and codependency. Alan shares with us how support systems have helped him in his journey of healing, and he shares lots of advice on relationships, marriage and intimacy from his 40+ years of marriage. *Trigger warning: this episode covers topics that are emotional and sexual in nature, and it has been flagged for explicit content* Links to resources mentioned in the episode: - Brothers Road webpage - Journey Into Manhood - Joel 2:25 webpage - "Developing Heterosexual Desire" by Jeffrey W. Robinson, Ph.D. - Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life & the Life That You Love by David Steele - No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life by Robert Glover Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Nov 20, 2020 · 1 hr 22 min
#39 - On Marital Intimacy and Sex (Part II)
*General trigger warning: Episode involves discussion of intimacy and sexual relations with graphic details. This episode is flagged for explicit content.* This is part II of a 2-episode series on marital intimacy and sexual relations, answering frequently asked questions on these topics, with a focus on men and women experiencing same-sex attractions. Joining me in both episodes is sex therapist Dr. Rana Khaled, MD/PhD. In this episode, we discuss ways to improve sexual relations between spouses in quantity and quality, and how to cultivate emotional intimacy with one's spouse. Special focus is given on enhancing sexual desire, intimacy and enjoyment through touch and bodily sensations. We also touch upon sex education, pornography and masturbation within marriage, as well as tips to restore a couple's sex life. If my spouse feels that I do not desire him/her, what are some tips to cultivate desire? How do we solve sexual problems like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginismus or issues with sexual desire? What are the values and challenges of a marriage between a man and a woman where both of them experience SSA? If I struggle with masturbation and/or pornography use while married, how do I deal with this? How do I restore a long-lost sex life? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Links to resources mentioned in the episode: - No Fap website (English) - Wa'ii/واعي website (Arabic) - Sexaholics Anonymous Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Nov 16, 2020 · 1 hr 48 min
#38 - On Marital Intimacy and Sex (Part I)
*General trigger warning: Episode involves discussion of intimacy and sexual relations with graphic details. This episode is flagged for explicit content.* This is part I of a 2-episode series on marital intimacy and sexual relations, answering frequently asked questions on these topics, with a focus on men and women experiencing same-sex attractions. Joining me in both episodes is sex therapist Dr. Rana Khaled, MD/PhD. In this episode, we discuss challenges to intimacy and sexual relations in general, as well as those involving men and women dealing with same-sex attractions. We explore sexual relations beginning with points of etiquette and preparations, as well as foreplay, intercourse, and after play. Special emphasis is given to proper communication and building emotional intimacy as well. How is being intimate with one's spouse an act of worship? What are some of the challenges faced by married couples in the domain of intimacy and sex? How can one deal with performance anxieties, particularly on the wedding night? How does one prepare for sex, physically and psychologically, and what do foreplay, intercourse, and after play include? How do we make sure each partner achieves sexual satisfaction? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Recommended books on marital relations, intimacy and sex: - The Guide to Getting It On - Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It - Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations - Like a Garment: Intimacy in Islam - تحرير المرأة في عصر الرسالة - الجزء السادس Dr. Rana Khaled's Twitter handle: @drranakhaled Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Nov 13, 2020 · 1 hr 7 min
#37 - On Marriage and Celibacy (Part II)
This is part II of a 2-episode series on marriage and celibacy, answering frequently-asked questions on the topics, with a focus on SSA-related matters. In this episode, we focus on SSA-related questions within the context of marriage, and we address the topic of celibacy as a legitimate life choice. Is it honest of me to get married without telling my spouse about my SSA? What are some recommendations if I would like to disclose my SSA to him/her? If I had a same-sex sexual encounter before marriage and repented, should I disclose this to my potential spouse? What about a marriage where both partners experience SSA? If I choose a path of celibacy, how do I fulfill my emotional needs? How do I deal with people giving me a hard time about being single? What if I get old and there is no one to take care of me? These and other questions are explored in this episode. Links to resources mentioned in the episode: - On Solitude - On Desire: Why We Want What We Want Send as an anonymous one-way text message