Kids & FamilyParentingEducationSelf-Improvement

Your Parenting Long Game

Rachel Bailey

This podcast is for parents who not only want to short-term tips for handling current kids' behaviors and moods, but who are exhausted from addressing the same situation over and over and want to find solutions that last much longer into the future.
Because you will receive plans and step-by-step tools, it's also for parents who crave feeling in control -- and who do much better with structure than the chaos traditionally associated with parenting.

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21 episodes
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Avg 10 min
English

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S2 · E189
Thursday · 12 min
Episode 389: Should You Respond to or Ignore Your Child's Big Reactions?
When your child has a big reaction, you may wonder: Should I respond to what they're feeling, or is it better to ignore it? Respond too much, and suddenly you're explaining, reassuring, negotiating, or trying to make the reaction stop. But ignore it, and you may worry that you're being dismissive,...or leaving your child alone with feelings they genuinely don't know how to handle. The good news is, you don't have to choose between getting pulled into your child's reaction and disconnecting from it. There's a middle ground that helps your child learn that big feelings are hard, but also survivable. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why trying so hard to make your child feel better can unintentionally send the message that their discomfort is something they can't handle • What an effective response sounds like when your child is angry, anxious, disappointed, or pushing back • A different way to measure whether you handled a hard moment well -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E188
August 13 · 11 min
Episode 388: 4 Tips to Improve Your Influence When Asking Kids (or Anyone) to Change
Have you ever started a conversation with the goal of guiding your child, only to have them argue, shut down, or become defensive? It's easy to assume you need better words. But often, what matters more is whether the other person feels safe enough to actually hear those words. And that doesn't mean agreeing with them, making them happy, or avoiding things they don't want to hear. In this episode, you'll learn how to increase your influence in any conversation, without trying harder to convince, explain, or get the "right" response. In this episode, you'll hear: • The common thing we do when we really want someone to hear us that can make them even less likely to listen • One subtle shift that can make someone less defensive, even when you still need to address their behavior • Why ending a conversation before it feels finished may give your words more impact -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E187
July 30 · 10 min
Episode 387: When You Know You Should Calm Down... But You Don't Want To
Sometimes you know you could look at your child's behavior differently... but you don't want to. You're angry. You're resentful. And part of you feels like letting go of those feelings would mean ignoring something that isn't okay. When that happens, trying to force yourself to calm down or change your thoughts may be skipping something important. In this episode, I'll explain why recurring anger and resentment can be signals and what you may need to understand before those feelings can loosen their grip. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why part of you may resist letting go of anger, even when you know it isn't helping • What your frustration or resentment may be trying to tell you • What to do before trying to change your thoughts so you can respond more calmly, without relying on willpower -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E186
July 16 · 9 min
Episode 386: Stop Validating Your Child's Feelings
For many of us, validating your child's feelings can lead to a child getting even more upset. Validation isn't necessarily wrong... but for many sensitive children, it isn't what they're actually looking for. I'll explain why "naming emotions" often increases Yuck, and what children really need instead. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why validation can unintentionally make some sensitive children feel more alone • The one word many parents add that completely changes the message they're sending • A simple shift that helps your child feel truly understood so they can process their Yuck more easily -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E185
July 2 · 12 min
Episode 385: How to Help Your Child Take Back Control of Their Big Reactions
What if your child's biggest struggle isn't that they have big emotions...but that those emotions keep taking over? When children feel powerless against frustration, disappointment, or anxiety, our instinct is often to teach them coping strategies. Often the missing piece is helping them feel like they're in charge of the process instead. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why many kids reject coping strategies and how we accidentally make that more likely • A simple shift that helps children want to build resilience instead of feeling pressured to change • How to plant seeds that help your child gradually take power back from their "Yuck," even if they're not ready today FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E184
June 18 · 15 min
Episode 384: When Your Child Is Upset and Other Children (or Tasks) Also Need You
Parenting can feel like one long tug-of-war between the child who needs you right now, the child who's waiting for you, and the growing list of things that still need to get done. And when everyone's needs seem important, it's easy to feel like no matter what you choose, someone is losing out. The good news is that we can use these moments to help build children's resilience rather a belief that we're not there for them. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why trying to figure out who needs you most in a specific moment isn't the best strategy to use • How we teach children who can't immediately get our attention that they're still important (and capable) • A simple question to ask yourself when multiple children need you at the same time and you can't do everything at once -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E183
June 11 · 9 min
Episode 383: How to Address Kids' Complaints of "I'm Bored"
Summer is around the corner, which means there's a good chance you're about to hear a lot more complaints about being bored. And maybe you've heard that boredom is good for your child. (Spoiler: It is!) But what if you're not seeing your child do those positive things that they're "supposed to do" when they're bored? In this episode, Rachel explores why some children experience boredom very differently than we realize, why "go find something to do" is often harder than it sounds, and how parents can help kids build the ability to handle boredom without becoming their source of constant entertainment. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why boredom often leads to negative behaviors long before it leads to creativity • What may actually be happening inside your child's nervous system when they say "I'm bored" • A simple strategy for helping children learn how to handle boredom more independently
S2 · E183
May 28 · 8 min
Episode 382: How to "Win" Any Argument With Your Child (or Anyone!)
When your child argues, pushes back, or keeps insisting that something is "not fair," it's easy to believe the goal is to stop the behavior, explain better, or finally get them to understand. But what if the more you try to "win" the moment, the more influence you actually lose? In this episode, Rachel shares why emotionally attuned parents often get pulled into over-explaining, why logic rarely works once a child is emotionally flooded, and the powerful shift that helps children calm down without you having to overpower the moment. In this episode, you'll hear: • The reason arguments often keep going long after your child already knows the answer • What children learn in moments of intensity • What emotional confidence looks like in real-life hard moments -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E181
May 14 · 9 min
Episode 381: When You Are Exhausted... and Your Child Wants to Connect
When you're exhausted and your child suddenly wants to connect, it can create a painful internal tug-of-war: part of you desperately needs rest, while another part worries that saying "not right now" could damage the relationship or shut your child down emotionally. The good news is that it is possible to consider both your child's needs and your own when making decisions in these situations. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why emotionally attuned parents often feel torn between connection and their own needs • How to stop fighting yourself internally during hard moments • Practical examples of how to respond, regardless of how you decide to handle the situation -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E180
May 7 · 13 min
Episode 380: When You Walk on Eggshells Because You Dread Your Child's Reaction
When you've gone through the same hard moments with your child over and over — bedtime battles, pushback around limits, meltdowns when it's time to leave something fun — it's easy to start bracing before anything has even happened. You may find yourself already tense, already exhausted, already expecting the reaction before you even say a word.The reaction you're having makes more sense than you may realize… and it is possible to make a shift that takes less energy and increases your influence with your child. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why we naturally start dreading certain situations before they even happen • Why bracing for your child's reaction can unintentionally reduce your influence • A simple but powerful shift that helps you stay steadier, reduce escalation, and lead through hard moments with more confidence -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse *Registration link to come
S2 · E179
April 30 · 6 min
Episode 379: When Your Child Complains About the Same Things Over & Over
When your child pushes back on something they've already done many times (like a simple routine or going to the same place every week), it can be confusing... and draining. When the same resistance shows up again, it's easy to wonder why nothing is sticking…or why it feels like you're back at the beginning every single time. But what's driving that reaction isn't what most parents assume, and until you see what's actually going on underneath, these patterns tend to repeat. In this episode, you'll hear: • What's actually happening in those moments when your child resists something they've already done before • Why getting through an experience once doesn't mean your child can handle it the next time • The key shift that changes how you approach these moments so they don't keep repeating in the same way -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E178
April 23 · 10 min
Episode 378: When You Say No and Your Child Keeps Pushing
When your child keeps arguing after you've already said no, it can feel exhausting and personal. You've explained your reasoning, you've made a thoughtful decision… and yet they keep pushing. It's easy to interpret that as disrespect or manipulation. But what's actually happening in those moments is less about defiance than you think. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why kids continue to argue even when they already know the answer (and why it's not just about trying to change your mind) • A steadier, more effective approach that allows your child to regulate while you hold your boundary • How these moments are really opportunities to build your child's ability to tolerate discomfort so the arguing decreases over time -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E177
April 16 · 13 min
Episode 377: Should There Be a Consequence for Big Reactions?
When kids say or do things that feel rude or disrespectful in the middle of a big reaction, it can leave you feeling stuck: Part of you knows they're overwhelmed, but another part is thinking, "I can't just let this go." That tension is real. And it makes sense, especially if you were raised to believe that every negative behavior needs a consequence. But what looks like "bad behavior" in these moments is often something deeper....and responding only to the behavior can miss the actual problem. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why your instinct to give a consequence makes sense, but often backfires • What's really happening for your child in those intense moments • A more effective way to respond that helps your child take responsibility and build the skills they need to handle these moments differently next time FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E176
March 26 · 10 min
Episode 376: When Your Child Says "Stop Yelling at Me!" When You're Not Even Yelling
Sometimes our kids react as if we're being harsh, saying things like "stop yelling at me"... even when you're not yelling at all! When that happens, it can feel confusing, frustrating, and even discouraging. But what looks like an illogical reaction is often not even about what you're saying (or how you're saying it). Instead, it's about what's going on for the child. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why kids with big emotions are likely to interpret neutral or helpful input as criticism or pressure • Why our automatic reactions make sense, but don't work • The simple way to respond differently in the moment so that things defuse more quickly (and you build long-term resilience) -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E175
March 19 · 10 min
Episode 375: When You Try to Do Something Fun With Your Child... and It Goes Downhill
When a fun moment unexpectedly turns into a child's unhappiness or even rude behavior, it can leave us feeling confused, frustrated, and even a little defeated. But what looks like an "overreaction" is often the result of a child's nervous system quietly working overtime... and we weren't aware of it! In this episode, you'll hear: • What's really happening beneath the surface when kids go from excited to unhappy so quickly • How repeated moments like this can shape the way children see themselves (as "too much" or incapable) • Simple ways to reduce these reactions -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E174
March 12 · 11 min
Episode 374: When Multiple Family Members Get Triggered Easily
When a household feels like it's constantly one reaction setting off another, it can seem like everyone is triggering everyone else. But what looks like chaos on the surface is often a chain reaction happening inside each person's nervous system. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why emotional escalations in families happen • How these interactions can slowly erode both a child's confidence and a parent's belief in themselves • What actually helps break the cycle -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E173
March 5 · 9 min
Episode 373: When a Child Blames Others (Even When They Were Wrong)
Many of our kids, when they do something wrong, will immediately point the finger: "He started it" or "It wasn't my fault." In those moments, it can easily look like they're being selfish or refusing to own their behavior. But what appears to be deflection is often driven by something different happening underneath the surface. In this episode, you'll hear: • What blaming is actually a sign of • How trying to correct this behavior can unintentionally chip away at a child's belief in themselves • Why helping children build tolerance for uncomfortable feelings allows them to take responsibility more naturally -- FREE: Does your child have a low zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E1712
February 26 · 8 min
Episode 372: What Morning Battles Might Be Teaching Your Child About Themselves
When a child won't get dressed in the morning and moves slowly, ignores you, or seems resistant, of course you'll feel frustrated and pressured, especially when you're already running late! But what looks like defiance or laziness is often something different. In this episode, you'll learn what's actually happening underneath this pattern and how your response impacts both your child's self-esteem and your own confidence as a parent. In this episode, you'll hear: Why repeated assumptions around "simple" tasks can chip away at a child's belief in their capability How to hold firm limits while communicating respect, so boundaries strengthen rather than shame How protecting your own nervous system protects your child's confidence -- FREE: Does your child struggle with the skill of task initiation? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E171
February 23 · 8 min
Episode 371: When You Need Space, But Your Child Won't Play On Their Own
When a child won't go play on their own and whines, complains, or refuses to leave you alone, of course you'll get frustrated with their resistance! But what looks like refusal is often something different. In this episode, you'll learn what's going on beneath this behavior and what you can do about it. In this episode, you'll hear: Why difficulty starting play, homework, or chores is not a motivation issue What starting new tasks requires cognitively, and why many kids get stuck before they even begin Why clarity about the missing skill leads to faster progress than guessing or pushing harder -- FREE: Determine whether your child struggles with this skill Work with Rachel
S2 · E170
January 8 · 12 min
Episode 370: Notes from a Client Session: What's Making It Hard for You to Defuse Situations
When our kids melt down, snap back, or seem resistant, it's easy to think, "This is bad. I need to make this stop." But when we see our child's behavior as a threat, our nervous system gets pulled into the struggle too, and everyone stays stuck longer. The real shift that shortens hard moments doesn't come from controlling behavior. It comes from changing the meaning we give it. In this episode, you'll hear: Why your child's negativity or resistance is a sign of discomfort, not defiance How the story you tell yourself about your child's behavior determines whether situations escalate or resolve What you need in order to help kids' behavior improve more quickly -- Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

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