Kids & FamilyParentingEducationSelf-Improvement

Your Parenting Long Game

Rachel Bailey

This podcast is for parents who not only want to short-term tips for handling current kids' behaviors and moods, but who are exhausted from addressing the same situation over and over and want to find solutions that last much longer into the future.
Because you will receive plans and step-by-step tools, it's also for parents who crave feeling in control -- and who do much better with structure than the chaos traditionally associated with parenting.

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28 episodes
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Avg 11 min
English

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S2 · E196
Thursday · 13 min
Episode 396: When You Keep Giving In (Even When You Know You Shouldn't)
Have you ever set a limit with your child that you knew was completely reasonable… but ended up giving in anyway? You know that following through is important. And you really do want to be more consistent. But when you're already exhausted and have a million other things to do, sometimes giving in feels like the only way to get through the day. And afterward, you feel frustrated with yourself for not sticking to your decision. But what if the reason you keep giving in isn't what you think it is? In this episode, you'll hear: Why most of us keep giving in even when we know it's not helping Why trying harder to be consistent may not be the answer Three ways to make following through easier without having to rely on more patience, energy, or willpower -- ONE THING BETTER: Get my 1:1 support to solve one of your parenting challenges in two weeks FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance?
S2 · E195
October 29 · 10 min
Episode 395: When Trying to Help Your Kids Get Along Makes Things Worse
Is your child kind, patient, and thoughtful with other kids… but seems to have no patience for their own sibling? Maybe they roll their eyes, refuse to include them, or act annoyed whenever their sibling is around. You want your kids to have a good relationship, so you encourage them to spend time together and be more considerate. But what if your efforts to bring them closer are actually creating more resentment? In this episode, you'll hear: • What's under the negativity that siblings have for each other • How well-intentioned encouragement to get along can actually make the relationship worse • What you can do to create more opportunities for sibling closeness without forcing it -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E193
October 22 · 11 min
Episode 394: When Your Child Says "That's Not FAIR!"
Does your child seem to think everything is unfair? Their sibling gets something they don't? Unfair. You say no? Unfair. Someone else gets to choose? Unfair. But what if their reaction isn't really about fairness at all? Understanding what's underneath those complaints can change how you respond... and help your child become more flexible. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why some children are especially sensitive to things feeling "unfair" • Why explaining, reasoning, and reminding them that "life isn't fair" often backfires • A surprisingly fun way to build the flexibility your child needs to handle things not going their way -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E193
October 8 · 14 min
Episode 393: Want Your Child to Listen? Speak to their Nervous System
You want your child to listen, cooperate, or handle disappointment better. So you think about what to do to make that happen: Should you be firmer? Validate first? Give a consequence? Explain it differently? But what if what you say matters less than what your child's nervous system senses while you say it? When your child is already dealing with the discomfort of stopping a screen, getting ready for school, or hearing "no," your anxiety or frustration can become one more thing their brain has to manage. And that can make the behavior you're trying to change even harder to change. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why your child may become less cooperative when you become more urgent, anxious, or angry • How to increase your influence without giving in, removing the limit, or making the situation comfortable • What it really means to speak to your child's nervous system instead of trying to stop their behavior -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E192
October 1 · 10 min
Episode 392: When You Have Nothing Left to Give (and Feel Guilty About It)
You know your child is having a hard time. You can even name what might help. But after a full day of working, managing, and responding to everyone's needs, all you can think is: "I have nothing left." Then comes the guilt: Shouldn't a caring parent be able to do more? But what happens when feeling bad about having nothing left makes you even less able to handle what's in front of you? It's a cycle many caring parents get caught in, without even realizing what's making the moment so much harder. In this episode, you'll hear: • How the "capacity spiral" leaves you more depleted—and why knowing what to do can sometimes make it worse • Why even a small reaction from your child can feel like more than you can handle • Two questions to help you decide what truly needs your energy and what you can let go of right now -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E191
September 17 · 15 min
Episode 391: Using the "Consequence Sandwich" to Help Kids Do Better
When your child does something they shouldn't, you want them to learn from it. But you may also wonder: Do they need a consequence to learn the lesson… or will that just make an already-sensitive child feel worse about themselves? The answer isn't necessarily to avoid consequences. It's to make sure the consequence actually helps your child become more capable of handling the situation differently next time.. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why consequences can sometimes lead to more unwanted behavior instead of less • What you're doing that may distract your child from the lesson you actually want them to learn • How to use the "Consequence Sandwich" to combine accountability, understanding, and skill-building...without letting your child off the hook -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E190
September 10 · 10 min
Episode 390: Could Your "Easier" Child Be Taking On Too Much?
When your child is quick to give in, apologize, or go along with what everyone else wants, you may wonder: Are they genuinely kind and flexible… or are they learning to put everyone else's feelings ahead of their own? It's tempting to teach them to stand up for themselves. But what happens when you TELL them that they are allowed to have an opinion, but they still let others dictate how things go? In this episode, you'll hear: • How to tell the difference between genuine kindness and people-pleasing • Why teaching your child to "stand up for yourself" may not change what they do when someone else is unhappy • How to help your child become someone who can care deeply about others without abandoning what they need -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E189
August 27 · 12 min
Episode 389: Should You Respond to or Ignore Your Child's Big Reactions?
When your child has a big reaction, you may wonder: Should I respond to what they're feeling, or is it better to ignore it? Respond too much, and suddenly you're explaining, reassuring, negotiating, or trying to make the reaction stop. But ignore it, and you may worry that you're being dismissive,...or leaving your child alone with feelings they genuinely don't know how to handle. The good news is, you don't have to choose between getting pulled into your child's reaction and disconnecting from it. There's a middle ground that helps your child learn that big feelings are hard, but also survivable. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why trying so hard to make your child feel better can unintentionally send the message that their discomfort is something they can't handle • What an effective response sounds like when your child is angry, anxious, disappointed, or pushing back • A different way to measure whether you handled a hard moment well -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E188
August 13 · 11 min
Episode 388: 4 Tips to Improve Your Influence When Asking Kids (or Anyone) to Change
Have you ever started a conversation with the goal of guiding your child, only to have them argue, shut down, or become defensive? It's easy to assume you need better words. But often, what matters more is whether the other person feels safe enough to actually hear those words. And that doesn't mean agreeing with them, making them happy, or avoiding things they don't want to hear. In this episode, you'll learn how to increase your influence in any conversation, without trying harder to convince, explain, or get the "right" response. In this episode, you'll hear: • The common thing we do when we really want someone to hear us that can make them even less likely to listen • One subtle shift that can make someone less defensive, even when you still need to address their behavior • Why ending a conversation before it feels finished may give your words more impact -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E187
July 30 · 10 min
Episode 387: When You Know You Should Calm Down... But You Don't Want To
Sometimes you know you could look at your child's behavior differently... but you don't want to. You're angry. You're resentful. And part of you feels like letting go of those feelings would mean ignoring something that isn't okay. When that happens, trying to force yourself to calm down or change your thoughts may be skipping something important. In this episode, I'll explain why recurring anger and resentment can be signals and what you may need to understand before those feelings can loosen their grip. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why part of you may resist letting go of anger, even when you know it isn't helping • What your frustration or resentment may be trying to tell you • What to do before trying to change your thoughts so you can respond more calmly, without relying on willpower -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E186
July 16 · 9 min
Episode 386: Stop Validating Your Child's Feelings
For many of us, validating your child's feelings can lead to a child getting even more upset. Validation isn't necessarily wrong... but for many sensitive children, it isn't what they're actually looking for. I'll explain why "naming emotions" often increases Yuck, and what children really need instead. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why validation can unintentionally make some sensitive children feel more alone • The one word many parents add that completely changes the message they're sending • A simple shift that helps your child feel truly understood so they can process their Yuck more easily -- FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E185
July 2 · 12 min
Episode 385: How to Help Your Child Take Back Control of Their Big Reactions
What if your child's biggest struggle isn't that they have big emotions...but that those emotions keep taking over? When children feel powerless against frustration, disappointment, or anxiety, our instinct is often to teach them coping strategies. Often the missing piece is helping them feel like they're in charge of the process instead. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why many kids reject coping strategies and how we accidentally make that more likely • A simple shift that helps children want to build resilience instead of feeling pressured to change • How to plant seeds that help your child gradually take power back from their "Yuck," even if they're not ready today FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E184
June 18 · 15 min
Episode 384: When Your Child Is Upset and Other Children (or Tasks) Also Need You
Parenting can feel like one long tug-of-war between the child who needs you right now, the child who's waiting for you, and the growing list of things that still need to get done. And when everyone's needs seem important, it's easy to feel like no matter what you choose, someone is losing out. The good news is that we can use these moments to help build children's resilience rather a belief that we're not there for them. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why trying to figure out who needs you most in a specific moment isn't the best strategy to use • How we teach children who can't immediately get our attention that they're still important (and capable) • A simple question to ask yourself when multiple children need you at the same time and you can't do everything at once -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E183
June 11 · 9 min
Episode 383: How to Address Kids' Complaints of "I'm Bored"
Summer is around the corner, which means there's a good chance you're about to hear a lot more complaints about being bored. And maybe you've heard that boredom is good for your child. (Spoiler: It is!) But what if you're not seeing your child do those positive things that they're "supposed to do" when they're bored? In this episode, Rachel explores why some children experience boredom very differently than we realize, why "go find something to do" is often harder than it sounds, and how parents can help kids build the ability to handle boredom without becoming their source of constant entertainment. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why boredom often leads to negative behaviors long before it leads to creativity • What may actually be happening inside your child's nervous system when they say "I'm bored" • A simple strategy for helping children learn how to handle boredom more independently
S2 · E183
May 28 · 8 min
Episode 382: How to "Win" Any Argument With Your Child (or Anyone!)
When your child argues, pushes back, or keeps insisting that something is "not fair," it's easy to believe the goal is to stop the behavior, explain better, or finally get them to understand. But what if the more you try to "win" the moment, the more influence you actually lose? In this episode, Rachel shares why emotionally attuned parents often get pulled into over-explaining, why logic rarely works once a child is emotionally flooded, and the powerful shift that helps children calm down without you having to overpower the moment. In this episode, you'll hear: • The reason arguments often keep going long after your child already knows the answer • What children learn in moments of intensity • What emotional confidence looks like in real-life hard moments -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E181
May 14 · 9 min
Episode 381: When You Are Exhausted... and Your Child Wants to Connect
When you're exhausted and your child suddenly wants to connect, it can create a painful internal tug-of-war: part of you desperately needs rest, while another part worries that saying "not right now" could damage the relationship or shut your child down emotionally. The good news is that it is possible to consider both your child's needs and your own when making decisions in these situations. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why emotionally attuned parents often feel torn between connection and their own needs • How to stop fighting yourself internally during hard moments • Practical examples of how to respond, regardless of how you decide to handle the situation -- FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse FREE RESOURCE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Get support from Rachel
S2 · E180
May 7 · 13 min
Episode 380: When You Walk on Eggshells Because You Dread Your Child's Reaction
When you've gone through the same hard moments with your child over and over — bedtime battles, pushback around limits, meltdowns when it's time to leave something fun — it's easy to start bracing before anything has even happened. You may find yourself already tense, already exhausted, already expecting the reaction before you even say a word.The reaction you're having makes more sense than you may realize… and it is possible to make a shift that takes less energy and increases your influence with your child. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why we naturally start dreading certain situations before they even happen • Why bracing for your child's reaction can unintentionally reduce your influence • A simple but powerful shift that helps you stay steadier, reduce escalation, and lead through hard moments with more confidence -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support FREE WORKSHOP: When Your Child Focuses on the Negative: How to respond without feeding the negativity or making things worse *Registration link to come
S2 · E179
April 30 · 6 min
Episode 379: When Your Child Complains About the Same Things Over & Over
When your child pushes back on something they've already done many times (like a simple routine or going to the same place every week), it can be confusing... and draining. When the same resistance shows up again, it's easy to wonder why nothing is sticking…or why it feels like you're back at the beginning every single time. But what's driving that reaction isn't what most parents assume, and until you see what's actually going on underneath, these patterns tend to repeat. In this episode, you'll hear: • What's actually happening in those moments when your child resists something they've already done before • Why getting through an experience once doesn't mean your child can handle it the next time • The key shift that changes how you approach these moments so they don't keep repeating in the same way -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E178
April 23 · 10 min
Episode 378: When You Say No and Your Child Keeps Pushing
When your child keeps arguing after you've already said no, it can feel exhausting and personal. You've explained your reasoning, you've made a thoughtful decision… and yet they keep pushing. It's easy to interpret that as disrespect or manipulation. But what's actually happening in those moments is less about defiance than you think. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why kids continue to argue even when they already know the answer (and why it's not just about trying to change your mind) • A steadier, more effective approach that allows your child to regulate while you hold your boundary • How these moments are really opportunities to build your child's ability to tolerate discomfort so the arguing decreases over time -- FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support
S2 · E177
April 16 · 13 min
Episode 377: Should There Be a Consequence for Big Reactions?
When kids say or do things that feel rude or disrespectful in the middle of a big reaction, it can leave you feeling stuck: Part of you knows they're overwhelmed, but another part is thinking, "I can't just let this go." That tension is real. And it makes sense, especially if you were raised to believe that every negative behavior needs a consequence. But what looks like "bad behavior" in these moments is often something deeper....and responding only to the behavior can miss the actual problem. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why your instinct to give a consequence makes sense, but often backfires • What's really happening for your child in those intense moments • A more effective way to respond that helps your child take responsibility and build the skills they need to handle these moments differently next time FREE: Does your child have a narrow zone of tolerance? Talk to Rachel about getting support

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