Why Do We Do That?

#082 - Why Do We Love Romance Novels? with Sarah MacLean

Why do romance readers keep coming back to stories when they already know there's going to be a happy ending? In this episode, Sarah MacLean explores what makes romance novels so compelling, from yearning and familiar tropes to the emotional payoff of watching characters overcome impossible odds to find love. We also discuss how the genre has changed over the past 50 years, what romance can teach us about relationships and sexuality, and where we should be careful about confusing satisfying fiction with real life. Keywords romance novels, psychology of romance, Sarah MacLean, relationships, love, romance tropes, enemies to lovers, happily ever after, yearning, sexuality, consent, fiction, relationship expectations In this episode, you'll learn: Why knowing there's a happy ending doesn't make romance novels less satisfying What separates a romance novel from a love story Why conflict and yearning are essential ingredients in romance Why familiar tropes like "enemies to lovers" and "only one bed" are so compelling How romance novels can provide joy, hope, representation, and a sense of possibility How the romance genre has evolved alongside changing cultural attitudes Why relationships that work wonderfully in fiction might be terrible ideas in real life How romance novels portray sex, pleasure, and consent Whether romance novels create unrealistic expectations about relationships Why the genre continues to evolve even though the happily-ever-after ending stays the same Chapters 00:00 What do readers get from romance novels? 03:46 What makes a romance novel a romance novel? 06:50 The psychology, joy, and hope behind romance 10:31 How the modern romance novel began 15:23 What makes a compelling romance story? 17:36 Why yearning and struggle are more satisfying than happily ever after 19:59 Why romance tropes work 20:24 Enemies to lovers and the psychology of conflict 24:56 Friends to lovers—and why Sarah doesn't love it 30:28 Can romance novels inspire us in real life? 34:42 When romance novels become bad relationship advice 37:24 Are romance novels like pornography? 38:42 Sex, pleasure, and consent in romance novels 42:26 Do romance novels create unrealistic expectations? 44:39 How romance writers stand out in a crowded genre 47:21 How romance novels have evolved Guest Links Website — https://www.sarahmaclean.net Books — https://www.sarahmaclean.net/book-list

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#081 - Decision Making with Dr. Barry Schwartz

In this episode, Barry Schwartz explores why making a good decision isn't always as simple as weighing the pros and cons. We discuss why trying to find the "best" option can sometimes leave us worse off, when we should trust our judgment instead of the numbers, and why having so many choices today can make even simple decisions feel overwhelming. Along the way, Barry offers a different way to think about making choices—and what it really means to choose wisely. Keywords decision making, rational choice theory, judgment, behavioral economics, trade-offs, regret, modern decision challenges In this episode, you'll learn: Why rational choice theory doesn't capture how many real-world decisions should be made Why some choices simply can't be reduced to numbers How quantification can create a false sense of confidence Why we sometimes prioritize what's measurable instead of what actually matters The difference between maximizing and choosing something that's "good enough" Why having more choices can make decision-making harder How judgment differs from simply following your intuition Why values and flexibility both matter when making difficult choices How regret can improve future decisions Why the modern world may be making thoughtful decision-making more difficult Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Barry Schwartz and his new book 09:30 The limitations of quantifying decisions and outcomes 11:00 The importance of context, framing, and norms in decision making 13:24 The seductive nature of quantification and its pitfalls 14:56 The futility of searching for the 'best' in decisions 16:54 Mechanical errors in probabilistic thinking and uncertainty 18:09 Challenges of quantifying complex decisions like college choices 19:44 The risks of over-reliance on quantification and metrics 22:09 The influence of quantifiable metrics on decision priorities 23:36 The problem with maximizing and searching for the 'best' 25:21 The paradox of choice and satisfaction 27:12 The limits of rational search in life decisions 28:46 When to apply rational choice theory and when to rely on judgment 30:12 The role of reflection and goals in decision making 31:58 Balancing logic, intuition, and emotion in decisions 40:36 The importance of values, principles, and flexibility 41:30 Life as a series of judgment calls, not formulas 42:29 The role of regret in learning and decision improvement 44:29 The right amount of regret and its importance 45:54 Final thoughts on decision making in a complex world Guest Links Website - https://www.swarthmore.edu/profile/barry-schwartz

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#080 - Parenting & ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt

In this episode, Ryan Wexelblatt shares insights on behavioral interventions for children with ADHD, focusing on practical strategies for parents to support emotional regulation, motivation, and behavior management both at home and outside. Discover how understanding the ADHD brain can transform parenting approaches and foster better outcomes for kids. keywords ADHD, parenting, behavioral interventions, emotional regulation, executive functioning, motivation, child development, ADHD strategies key topics ADHD and executive functioning delays Cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation Behavioral interventions and scaffolding Managing disrespectful language and meltdowns Creating structure and expectations for ADHD kids Chapters 00:00 Introduction to ADHD Parenting Strategies 02:59 Meet Ryan Wexelblatt and his expertise 04:29 Understanding how ADHD brains differ from neurotypical brains 06:40 The role of cognitive flexibility in ADHD behavior 08:34 Emotional regulation challenges and solutions 09:25 Living in the moment and its impact on therapy 12:37 Internal dialogue and impulsivity in ADHD 13:39 Triggers of emotional outbursts in ADHD children 15:58 Negative attention and reinforcement of behaviors 18:31 Calmness and response strategies during meltdowns 20:10 Setting expectations and opportunities for self-correction 22:21 Disrespectful language and how to address it 32:26 Teaching accountability and repair after hurtful words 36:45 Managing emotional blackmail and severe behaviors 40:03 Impulsivity and behavior outside the home 43:32 Supporting motivation and routine at home 53:30 Key takeaways for parents of ADHD children guest links Website - https://adhddude.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDDudeRyanWexelblattLCSW

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Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July! I am pleased to announce that I am in the process of migrating to a new podcast platform. While there may be some technical issues along the way, this change will allow me to focus more on VIDEO CONTENT. Stay tuned for more updated!

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#079 - Sex in Long-Term Relationships with Dr. Rebecca Eudy

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical sexologist & licensed mental health counselor Dr. Rebecca Eudy to discuss sex in long-term relationships. They discuss how sexual desire evolves as relationships grow, how past experiences shape our expectations, the importance of open communication, how to navigate differences in desire, the dynamics of pursue–withdrawal cycles, and practical ways to repair connection and rekindle attraction. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#078 - Building Intimacy with Dr. Isabelle Morley

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist and couples coach Dr. Isabelle Morley about building relationship intimacy. They discuss the complexities of building intimacy in relationships, why intimacy is something to be cultivated rather than rushed, the role of safety and vulnerability in creating real connection, how our past experiences shape the way we relate to others, and practical ways to deepen intimacy in long-term relationships. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#077 - The Psychology of Martial Arts with Stephan Kesting

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with martial arts expert Stephan Kesting about the psychology of martial arts. They discuss the evolution of the martial arts, the surprising relationship between martial arts and aggression, the psychological benefits that come from training, the lessons learned on the mat that can carry over into everyday life, and mindset tips for anyone considering stepping into a martial arts gym for the first time. For more on Stephan, visit Grapplearts.com. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#076 - Love Addiction with Dr. Cortney Warren

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Cortney Warren about her new book, Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction. They discuss why breakups can feel so destabilizing, how longing for an ex can begin to resemble an addiction, the past experiences and thinking patterns that increase vulnerability to love addiction, and practical strategies for healing after the end of a serious relationship. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#075 - Mattering with Rebecca Newberger Goldstein

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with philosopher and writer Rebecca Newberger Goldstein about her new book, The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us They discuss why mattering is essential to human flourishing, what makes the mattering instinct uniquely human, the many ways people seek to matter, how the drive to matter can sometimes lead us to darker places, and the key elements that turn a mattering project into a fulfilling one. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#074 - Listening with Christian van Nieuwerburgh

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with executive coach and author Christian Van Nieuwerburgh to discuss his new book Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. They discuss the importance of listening intentions, how to quiet internal chatter so we can fully focus on others, what situational cues we should pay attention to in order to communicate effectively, the role of curiosity and intellectual humility in meaningful dialogue, and how to use thoughtful observations and questions to help people feel comfortable and understood. For more on Christian, visit https://coachonamotorcycle.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#073 - The Power of Rest with Dr. Joseph Jebelli

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with neuroscientist & author Dr. Joseph Jebelli about his new book, The Brain at Rest: How the Art and Science of Doing Nothing Can Improve Your Life. They discuss how rest supports brain health, why some activities we think of as restful aren’t actually restorative, the hidden costs of overwork, the role of the brain’s default mode network in creativity and problem-solving, and practical activities you can try to make your rest periods more effective. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#072 - Languishing with Corey Keyes

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with sociologist Corey Keyes about his new book, Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down. They discuss the essence of languishing, what most people misunderstand about living a flourishing life, the costs of seeking pleasure, the value of cultivating personal growth, the key ingredients to meaningful social connection, and how finding meaning can help us discover long term well-being. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#071 - Overcoming Grief & Adversity with Dr. John Tsilimparis

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with psychotherapist and author Dr. John Tsilimparis about overcoming adversity and his new book, The Magic in the Tragic: Rewriting the Script on Grief and Discovering Happiness in our Darkest Days. They discuss how to reframe grief as a source of growth, the difference between moving on and healing, the role of art and music in building emotional resilience, how to create more effective narratives around hardship, and why people often turn away from social support during difficult times. For more on John, visit www.johntsilimparis.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#070 - Sport Psychology with Dr. Alex Auerbach

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with performance psychologist Dr. Alex Auerbach about sport psychology and his new book, Called to Greatness: Your Personal Playbook for the Pursuit of Excellence They discuss the essential elements of preparing for high-stakes competition, how to embody a mindset rooted in confidence and focus, ways to reframe nervous energy to enhance performance, and how successful athletes navigate and grow from adversity. For more on Alex, visit www.alexauerbach.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#069 - Revenge with James Kimmel, Jr.

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with lawyer and author James Kimmel, Jr. about the science of revenge and his new book, The Science of Revenge: Understanding the World's Deadliest Addiction--and How to Overcome It. They discuss why the desire for revenge is nearly universal, the psychological forces that drive it, how it can mimic the addictive pull of drugs, the distinction between revenge and justice, and how forgiveness can be a powerful antidote to the urge for retaliation. For more on James, visit www.jameskimmeljr.com. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#068 - Sports Fandom with Dr. Daniel Wann

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with professor of psychology Dr. Daniel Wann about the psychology of sports fans. They discuss why people are drawn to sports, how identifying with a team can shape your identity, the personal and social benefits of fandom, how team identification changes the way you think, and the creative ways fans explain heartbreak after a tough loss. For more on Dan, visit his faculty page at www.murraystate.edu. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#067 - Relationship Conflict with Dr. Isabelle Morley

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist & couples coach Dr. Isabelle Morley about intimate relationship conflict and her new book, They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship. They discuss what healthy relationship conflict actually looks like, the underlying causes that drive most disagreements, the essential communication skills couples need to navigate conflict effectively, the important distinction between abuse and ordinary bad behavior, and why misusing therapy language can sometimes cause more confusion than clarity. For more on Isabelle, visit www.drisabellemorley.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#066 - Leaving Religion with Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with psychology professor Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren about the topic of leaving religion and his new book, Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion. They discuss why people leave religion, what it feels like when personal beliefs no longer match religious teachings, what parts of religion stay with them after they leave, how they reconstruct meaning, identity, and community, and what it truly takes to thrive beyond faith. For more on Daryl, visit www.darylvantongeren.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

#065 - Trauma & PTSD with Dr. Patricia Resick

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with professor of psychiatry & trauma expert, Dr. Patricia Resick. They discuss the difference between trauma and ordinary negative events, the defining features of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), how our thoughts can keep us stuck in distress, and what helps people truly heal. For more on Patricia, visit www.cptforptsd.com Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter |

#064 - Mistrust, Disinformation, and Motivated Reasoning with Dr. Joe Pierre

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with psychiatrist and author Dr. Joe Pierre about his new book, False: How Mistrust, Disinformation, and Motivated Reasoning Make Us Believe Things that Aren't True. They discuss how the internet has changed the way we learn and absorb information, how human thinking often diverges from objective reality, why it's so challenging to evaluate ideas that contradict our beliefs, the role of information institutions in shaping what we believe, and practical tools to improve how we engage in conversations about controversial topics. For more on Joe, visit www.drjoepierre.com. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter |