Anonymous #52 — Can You Grieve Without Suffering?

Content note: This episode includes open, direct discussion of suicide, including details of the caller finding their son after his death and the caller's own suicidal thoughts in the months that followed. If you are not in a place to listen to this one, that's ok. This week's caller is a psychic medium who spends their days holding space for other people's pain. Ten months before we spoke, they lost their 21-year-old son. For the first five months, they cried every day. Their brain still scans the house for him, and it's only now starting to slow down. Every morning, before their feet hit the ground, they make a choice. The way they see it, you can get better or you can get bitter, and they refuse to get bitter. They still grieve and they still cry, but to them grieving and suffering are two different things, and they refuse to suffer. We talk about what they believe happens when we die: hovering over your own body, then a review of your life that shows you how you made other people feel. They also see Earth as a school where the soul keeps coming back to learn. They talk about growing up in Catholic school afraid that their gifts would send them to hell, and about knowing things about their clients back when they were a 22-year-old esthetician. Now they say nature is their church and love is their religion. They didn't get through the last ten months alone. Their husband, their other son, their friends at the salon, and other mothers who had lost children all gathered around them. Their son still sends signs: a bee, a flickering light, a song coming on. They're taking the love they had with him and loving other people more deeply than ever before. In this conversation: Grieving vs. suffering, and choosing better over bitter every morning What they believe happens when we die, from hovering over the body to a life review of how we made others feel The first ten months after losing their son, and why it took a village to get through them Love that changed form, and the deeper compassion it brought to their work Live Q&A: On October 8, I'm doing my first-ever live Q&A on Substack. Ask me anything. You can send questions ahead of time by text, email, Substack or Instagram. Add it to your calendar here. Book recommendation: Finding Meaning by David Kessler. See the full list of Anonymous Book Recommendations here. Video Episode: If you'd like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube. About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness. Stay Connected 🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com 📰 Substack: When We Die Talks 📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks ▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks ✉️ Email: zach@whenwedietalks.com Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.