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Two Librans

Roman Muradov, Tom Van Deusen

A podcast about the Fall and Mark E.Smith, headed by two cartoonists of moderate renown, Roman Muradov and Tom Van Deusen. If you don't care about the Fall, most of the show is funny digressions and exemplary banter on subjects as varied as Russian Wheel of Fortune, Tom Morello's Dangerous Truths, indie comics, Slack bullying, chocolate fountains, and so much more.

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#25
Yesterday · 54 min
25. Final Position
And we’re back, concluding the trifecta of mediocrity, what will in time be surely remembered as the Divine Comedy of podcasts about obscure Fall hanger-ons. Well, now a little less obscure, because the character we first discussed in episode 20 (hell)… …has since taken the helm of the so-called Fall Army, and released not only a terrible new Fall song, as covered in episode 24 (purgatory)… …but also a terrible new Fall album (hell again), as covered in this episode. Yes, Post Script is here, and it’s unsurprisingly bad. We talk about the whole debacle, the final result, and take for a closer examination probably the worst song on the album, Final Position (more like Final Solution). You can listen to it here, if you must, or you can buy a test pressing of the album for just £75.00 GBP which will at least save you from the horror of its cover art. ALSO DISCUSSED A sample of Ed’s pre-Fall output Mark plugging his mate on a mixtape "Trigger Happy are a Manchester group who used to support us. They are currently undergoing a revival because they are suing the TV programme of the same name for copyright. It's Salford yob music and sounds like David Bowie done really badly." One of the two glowing reviews for PS Over on Louder than War, written by the same man who drove us to near-tears in the first Edcast. Ed procuring Mark’s blessing for Post Script Ed’s previous stint in Blues Hammer Tom’s album picks of the month ^ This one is Tom’s album of the year so far. Roman’s album picks of the month Resurrection done right PS. Roman’s last book is back in print. Perfect holiday gift for depressed Fall fans with a sensitive side (attentive readers will notice that the story in fact takes place on xmas eve), absolutely unsuited for fans of Yob art. Tom has nothing to plug, and I think it’s best you just ignore him. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#24
July 6 · 1 hr 3 min
24. 30 Degrees
Big news from the world of necromancy: Mark E. Smith is back from the dead, nonconsensually. This episode we’re covering the remarkably mediocre song that Mark was resurrected for, and the drama surrounding it. Wake up! The song’s over. If you are not familiar with E* Bl*in*y, the Fall’s greatest hanger-on was extensively covered in this episode, which you can listen to before this one, if you want to steep yourself in this strange man’s strange and mediocre lore. ALSO DISCUSSED Jamie Hewlett’s drawing of MES Auctioned for 3400, not 400 as was stated on the pod. Can you spot Mark having fun in his favorite place, India? One-upping the worst Fall album artwork. This is the summer fit you deserve. Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower We got a new Fall song before a Bloodborne remaster. The other Taliban If you need even more heavy-breathing men engaging in Fall banter, check out the surprisingly entertaining F.a.l.l.o.u.t.p.o.d.c.a.s.t. which has a similarly futile and deranged premise—instead of dedicating an episode to every single Fall song like we do, they are trying to find out which one is the best by process of elimination. The episodes on MES solos and collaborations have some inevitable Bl*n*y appearances, but that’s also where I found out about the strange and wonderful collaboration with one of the Mouse of Mars men, Molocular Mediatations. It’s quite a bit weirder than Von Sudenfen. More horrible cover art What the Toxic Avenger reboot could’ve been OUR OWN STUFF Roman has new adventures of Terrible Father. If you are in that there London, you catch him at ARC July 11-12th. Tom has been working on the art for the game Actor RE: Actor, coming soon from Quack Quack games. You can wishlist it on Steam here, and sign up for play testing. It’s a lot of fun, and coming together quickly. Tom also made the animations for this documentary from More Perfect Union, and a new one from them coming out later this week about the president’s Large Adult Sons. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#23
May 30 · 1 hr 12 min
23. Bill is Dead
We have decided that it’s time to discuss the Fall’s horniest and most earnest song, Bill is Dead, in which Mark E. Smith details the number of orgasms he delivered on at least one occasion. A atmosphere of uncharacteristic sensuality pervades not only this song, but this episode as well. We get very horny indeed, and at one point, Roman even details his discovery of the female orgasm. Listen with the lights dimmed and parents out of reach. Mark washes his hands after relieving himself, and so should you. ALSO DISCUSSED Bookshelf backdrops Norm vs MJ Pa-pa-pa-paaaaa Alison Bechdel’s AI goats OUR OWN SUBSTACKS Roman Muradov Tom Van Deusen This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#22
April 21 · 48 min
22. Slippy Floor
And we’re back, finally and we finally finish covering a song for once, the dense and mutli-part Y.F.O.C. / Slippy Floor. You can catch up on the first part, but the lyrics don’t make a hell of a lot of sense anyway. For our next episode, we have a sEcRet special guest 🤫 and it’ll be a bit of a soft reboot for the show. Till then, enjoy a classic digression-fest with two men bickering intercontinentally. Since it’s the same damn song, let’s put in an alternative mix at least. It’s not very good, but it’s different. ALSO DISCUSSED Happy 100th birthday to the term “Late Stage Capitalism” 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂 Black Seth THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING Is Slippy Toad a Furry? Listeners, let us know. The Man with the Fish The surprising link between Roy Cohn, Lionel Trains, and Neil Young Happy New Year from Club Z PS. Roman had a new graphic novel coming out from Fantagraphics last month and it’s already sold out, which has nothing to do with the publisher printing a very modest number of copies. You can still find it in shops, but hurry up. Guaranteed to be a collector’s item. Roman also finished the latest Resident Evil game and had difficult feelings about it: Tom doesn’t have a goddamn thing to report. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#21
March 6 · 39 min
21. Y.F.O.C.
In this episode we intended to cover the entirety of the Fall’s late-career banger “Y.F.O.C / Slippy Floor”. However, we went so off-course we can legally only say we covered the acronym. We’ll cover the eponymous “Slippy Floor” that somehow broke both of Mark E. Smith’s hips another time! The song is still an absolute banger, and we do go a bit into the background, but this episode is pretty much all side-quest missions. INCLUDING! Joe Rogaine Isn’t it nice when people you hate turn out to be bad? “It seemed like a good idea at the time!” The golden age of Boob Signing That’s album art, alright Amanda Palmer, Patreon Saint of the pod PS. Roman has a new graphic novel coming out from Fantagraphics. He’s doing an event for it at Desert Island in Brooklyn, and Tom will join and read some new comics. Guaranteed to be the event of the century. Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#20
February 4 · 1 hr 13 min
20. Poisoned Fishes
Today we are covering several terrible songs by probably the worst ex-member (although the membership itself is disputed) of the Fall, E* Bl*n*y. We censored his name because he seems like the sort of person who googles himself, and I don’t think there’s a single kind word said about him in this whole episode. So, E*, if you stumbled upon this, just walk away. You have a life, a family, and a career. This is just a tiny podcast made by practitioners of the lowest artform in history. For everyone else, prepare to explore the wild world of this guy, as well as various forums and obscure musical review sites, where E*’s mates have gone out of their way to write something positive about his “skronking wonk bonk.” Note: This video is age-restricted for pretty graphic real-life war footage. It should also be taste-restricted for being utter shit. This is a bit of an unusual, ‘proper’ podcast, where we ‘do a journalism’ and go deep down a rabbit hole of mediocrity, instead of just endlessly derailing each other. It’s the NPR of Two Librans, except actually good. ALSO DISCUSSED Pascal Le Gras’s cover art Honking Skronk Rock recorded at a rented house in Holmfirth Another act from the Manchester Bl*n*y-verse Seriously, who in the hell IS this guy?! Mark hits a nadir Proto-Blaney from Fast Show Eric Clapton on his racist past: “I just thought it was funny” PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks! Roman has a new graphic novel coming up on Feb.24th from Fantagraphics. And if you’re in London, you can get it signed on Feb.26th at Gosh Comics. Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#19
January 26 · 1 hr
19. Das Vulture Ans Ein Nutter-Wain
We continue our European travelogue through our misadventures through Berlin and Leipzig last summer, and to accompany it we chose to discuss The Fall’s “Das Vulture Ans Ein Nutter-Wain”, a song whose title in German means absolutely nothing. We also discuss our old bugbear Patti Smith (the bleeper had to do overtime on this ep), Jordan Peterson’s all-meat diet, and Roman’s dangerously truthful Trumpberg-trolling on Instagram. Roman is pretty trashed on this one after a full day of irritating his audience online for no reason. Probably not his finest performance, but the man was dealing with Society, give him a break, damn it! Tom is drinking too, but that’s pretty par for the course. ALSO DISCUSSED Roman’s Epstein moment Jordan Peterson DESTROYS feminism by talking over woman Patti Smith’s N-word pass revisited Previously discussed in episode 11. Beyond Bath and Beyond Here she is confirming that she indeed is a n************. This might be the most irritating interview with anyone, ever. She uses N-word within the first minute (different times). IYKYK Other classics Tom interrupting Roman’s “meditating” Saul Steinberg getting a little flirty with the interviewer (different times) The Crumb bio that probably desperately needs promo from our very popular pod Roman’s cursed children’s book that brought him questionable new audiences Friend of the pod Anna Haifisch Friend and collaborator of the pod James Turek Men sleep on layers of bedsheets and think it’s fine Us PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks! Roman has a new graphic novel coming up on Feb.24th from Fantagraphics. And if you’re in London, you can get it signed on Feb.26th at Gosh Comics. Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
January 7 · 1 hr
18. Papal Visit Pt. 1
WARNING, INFANT! If you came to the pod looking for informed Fall commentary, this episode might not be the best place to start. It was ostensibly to be about the Fall-filler “classic” Papal Visit, but things got badly derailed when we discussed our European adventure together earlier this year. If you’re looking for a decent introduction to our somewhat-Fall-related banter, check out our recent recent ep on Bonkers in Phoenix. Otherwise, enjoy the travelogue! As a result, the least-deserving song in the Fall catalogue is a two-episode special, so stay tuned. LADZ ON TOUR We’re going over our first and last pub crawl pilgrimage to Manchester, and get derailed into discussing beastmodes, Leigh Bowery at the Tate, sensitive actor Pedro Pascal, early British indie games, bouncy castles and other worthy matters. ALSO DISCUSSED LS Lowry 360 experience VR Colonoscopy Leigh Bowery SHUT UP, LITTLE MAN! That egg gate Dizzy Roman’s scenic death march A bouncy castle near a church (church was on the left) The Mancunian Neckbeard The semi-official MES pub crawl Honey, we have Cuphead at home Bank Holidays in Manchester BEAST MODE PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman is back with an exciting new Terrible Father adventure: Tom is still cranking away furiously on his comic, and you can read the last installment with its proper formatting. PPS. From one of the lavatories. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#17
Dec 25, 2025 · 52 min
17. Jingle Bell Rock
This episode we cover such festive topics as school shootings, Zohran’s waifu (who is definitely listening to the pod), and the prison industrial complex! Since this is the first episode we recorded and edited in a timely manner, we even talked about the newest Jeffrey Epstein “drop” and other topical matters—listen now, or feel irrelevant forever. JINGLE BELL ROCK Merry Mark E. Smith-smas, boys and girls, it’s the very first Two Librans Holiday Special! This episode’s Fall song is a bizarre cover of Jingle Bell Rock from a mid 90s John Peel session, with a wild story behind its improvised lyrics. We delve into the song’s history, and its many, many cover versions, almost all of them terrible. For comparison, here is the original. We’ll go over all the missing and added lyrics, green M&S bags, Brussels sprouts, old beef, and all. We’re a little drunk on this one. So sneak off from staid and awkward family time, lock yourself in the bathroom and spend some quality time with your real family. ALSO DISCUSSED The story behind the cover From the new audiobook version of Steve Hanley’s the Big Midweek. Roman’s exceedingly thoughtful gift for Tom Gets yours here NY post headlines Prison Just friends Kurt Vonnegut farting around River City Ransom US cover art PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Tom is still cranking away furiously on his comic, and you can read the last installment with its proper formatting. Roman recently had a work trip and made some exciting drawings about office life. If you’re reading this before the end of the year, his annual subscription has a discount, and he’s pledging to put out more posts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#16
Dec 5, 2025 · 53 min
16. British People in Hot Weather
Howdy-ho, fellow and honorary Librans, to a brand-spankin’-new episode we recorded months ago! Now that we’ve crossed the threshold into winter, it’s a great time to release an episode that we recorded in late spring and said will “probably come out this summer.” When Tom heard that while editing the episode it made him very sad! He looked outside at the frosty gray day from his millennial gray apartment. He then looked back at Adobe Audition and started sobbing. Poor Tom. But Tom was rapidly filled with cheer as he realized this was the episode where we discuss… BRITISH PEOPLE IN HOT WEATHER Yes, what better time to share a song about summer than in the middle of the winter of our diss-content? This banging tune will certainly warm you up, whatever cold region you might be currently inhabiting. Mark brings himself to giggles singing about how poorly the British handle the heat in this weird B-Side released around the time he went through a divorce and recorded Extricate. It might be their most spite-fueled album, which is really saying something when you consider their catalogue, and it’s nice to hear Mark get a little silly in this pretty throw-away track. ALSO DISCUSSED Spending the summer with Tom Hank’s son (really.) No joke, this is Tom Hank’s son Fellow faux-Jamaican-Patoi lover, Adrian Brody Sound of the Summer. Kubrik’s scene compositions in Barry Lyndon This great interview with Robert Crumb at the 92nd St. Y (if you listen closely you can hear Tom laughing in the audience!) The intensely disturbing Claymation film The Adventures of Mark Twain Here, watch the whole fuckin’ movie! Roman’s very short career in Facebook games PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently came back from France with some very French comics to show. And whoa! Tom is writing comics again! Holy shit, you’d better subscribe so you can READ THE WHOLE BOOK as he slowly draws it! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#15
Oct 31, 2025 · 56 min
15. Bonkers in Phoenix
Just in time for spooky szn, one of the more disturbing Fall songs from an album with a kind of holiday skull. More importantly, we finally fulfill the astrological premise of our podcast, and talk for an unreasonable amount of time about a certain Bushwick bar, centered around the stars and their signs. We go in deep, reading google reviews and missions statements, and, as usual, end up in the doghouse, discussing whether it’s cool or not to ruin your ex-wife’s songs. We also talk about “straight bars” where we feel safe, Roman’s amorous escapades, rejection vouchers, and many other things. Listen till the end for a bonus interview with the man Mark E.Smith and the woman Brix Smith themselves. ALSO DISCUSSED This fucking style Get Your Birthday Song from Hermeto Pascoal The Less “Doctored” Earlier Version What do you think, listener, is it better? We think it is, and Mark was a bit of a knob to dismantle this song further for no good reason. Normal Men Weigh In on Brix’s Contributions Aaaawesome Book for Real Dudes of the Manosphere The Classical The Other Great Kr*utr*ck Album Art PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman is halfway through his long depressing book, and in the next chapter the umbrella story from this episode might reappear in a slightly altered form. Roman’s 15 minutes on Substack from back when Ghibli AI was relevant. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#14
Oct 14, 2025 · 1 hr 10 min
14. Lie Dream of a Casino Soul
Are you feeling parched? Well, it’s time for another Two Librans episode, so open your cake holes and we’ll douse you from our content firehose! Before we start to discuss The Fall, which is ostensibly the subject of this podcast, we start the episode with a new, short-lived and deeply problematic segment dubbed “The Dog House” (a.k.a. “the Meat is Back”) in which we wanted to go over the latest breakups in comics scene, for all the single minglers out there. We cut almost all of it, out of respect for our colleagues. MEIN DYKHOFF Once we get that out of our systems, we get to the real subject of today’s episode, a discussion of the classic track Lie Dream of a Casino Soul. Adorned with classic Savage Pencil art, this non-album single slaps in every possible way, from the pling-plong keyboards to the lyrics, which are discussed to no end and no point on The Annotated Fall. There’s a lot of bickering in the comments there until, on the seventy-ninth comment, someone posts the lyrics, written by Marc E. Smith himself, scanned for a Omega Auction of his estate: So there you have it, he doesn’t say “So I think I’ll cut my dick off”, he says “I think I’ll cut my Dykhoff”, which makes zero sense. NEW FACTS EMERGE Oh, but does he? When putting together these notes months after the recordings, we came across another Omega auction with the lyrics to the song, with hand-written additions by Marc. So this will remain a mystery until we use AI to resurrect Marc so we can ask him ourselves. Get on it, Zuckenberg! ALSO DISCUSSED The great Savage Pencil (who is still alive) SavX’s badass artwork for Big Black’s (middling) Headache EP … which replaced the original, truly reprehensible packaging conceived by the original edgelord, Steve Albini (do not look this up). They’re just pumpkins. It’s just a cheeseburger (squint). Okay, Gooner. How do you celebrate 3/11? Chechnya in Cars 2 Marc Bell invented The Minions, period. Jeffrey Lewis’s terrific Legend of the Fall PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has become public domain, apparently. Also, his new book is up for preorder! Don’t miss his sombre side with this one. And whoa! Tom finished his portfolio, fucking finally! Mostly professional animation work but also has some of his drawings and prints. And he’s working on a new comic, he swears! http://tvd.design He’s also going to start his blog again, he swears! https://substack.com/@tomvandeusen This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#13
Sep 17, 2025 · 1 hr 17 min
13. Zoot Suit Riot
Hey everyone! The Two Libs are back with an important new episode. We’re doing the difficult but necessary work to cool the hateful political rhetoric poisoning our country right now, so we can all see each other’s inherent human good and right to free discussion. Specifically, we’re talking about the legacy of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies! You know, that swing revival band with a name that straddles between stupid and abhorrent? Roman indulges Tom in a full 30 minutes of “Daddycast”, and lo and behold, they’re both more problematic than you remember and impossibly worse now. So strap in for that! What was our podcast about again? SOCCER SCORES That’s right! It’s about soccer (football, for the limeys) and the week’s scores! Specifically from 20 years ago, and specifically read by the lead singer of The Fall, one Mark E. Smith. He performs a very straight-faced reading of a bunch of football results with scores like “Nil-Nil”. When he’s finished he insults the host’s looks. Not to be missed, especially if you believe the comments, since this video has everyone in hysterics for some reason. Also, Roman tells a long, confusing sex “joke” which he later says is “more of a story”. He eventually drew it into a four panel comic which you can read right here. ALSO DISCUSSED Tom Morello wankery (per usual) The Actual Zoot Suit Riots The worst anything, ever The biggest dichotomy between an album’s music and its cover Toilet paper lore Also features Roman’s manly new song “Once I was Just a Young Man, Now I’m a Slightly Older Man.” PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has been making relatable comics for your co-workers. And here’s Tom’s Substack he’s sorely neglected because he’s been working on career stuff. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#12
Aug 8, 2025 · 52 min
12. Theme From Sparta F.C.
Hello and welcome back to Two Librans, a podcast hosted by the “least empathetic cartoonists of the last 20 years”. Today marks our 12th episode, and to celebrate wee-’re introducing an exciting new segment which you won’t want to piss miss! So grab a big beverage, hold it down with your #1 favorite podcast! A GUITAR LINE WITH A “GREEK MOTIF” Roman’s pick this week is Theme From Sparta F.C., a banger track from “The Real New Fall L.P. Formerly ‘Country on the Click’”, which is a surprisingly good album despite the horrendous title. Roman, the commensurate jock of the show, insisted we not only cover a song related to his favorite sport of “footie”. Get your fuckin’ bitch-ass ready for a testosterone-fueled bro down! WOOF WOOF!! ALSO DISCUSSED Mark E. Smith reads the weeks’ football results and it’s HILARIOUS!!! Fred Durst Breaks Stuff for 9/11 Our favorite Nelly tracks Bono doesn’t just suck at music This band had this name in 1998 and that was considered okay. Oh wait, they’re still a band and haven’t changed their names. Prince Vincent Gallo The back cover of Roman’s next book Now on YouTube too! Attn: Gen Z! It’s time to revisit the classic eps with YouTube video content. You won’t see us, but you can probably have a great time vegging out to the trippy video loops. PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has put out two new Terrible Father adventures, on sleep and smell. Tom’s busy working on a comic and redoing his website, but you can catch up on his Substack, which will eventually cover his agony getting back into comics This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#11
Jul 10, 2025 · 58 min
11. Service
Patti Smith's N-word pass, Kramer apology remix, poly book club, oh and a song by the Fall. Hello and welcome back to our eleventh episode of the Two Librans. You’re in for a special treat, because this is our first in-person episode. Recorded at Lincoln Center or some other place in New York, so please forgive the occasional cheers from our adoring fans, as well as Roman mumbling, and Tom talking much louder with his large American mouth. This time we’re talking about Service, a melancholy number from the Infotainment Scan, which is one of Roman’s favorites, and one so impactful to Tom that he can’t remember if he’s heard or not. Roman recommends the Peel session version, which you’ll hear excerpted in the episode. ALSO DISCUSSED Patti Smith says a choice word on record, repeatedly This takes up probably half of the episode, and good god, it goes places. Poly book club update Yes, big news for the locals—Roman finally enacted some real societal change in a city he no longer inhabits. We also discuss the literary value of the Ethical Slut. Jerry Seinfeld on what’s “NOT FUNNY.” Also Tom questions Roman’s self-described victimhood, and a more successful cartoonist than us says (privately) that Roman draws like a woman (we should reiterate at this point that this is absolutely fine, and we have nothing but respect and admiration for that cartoonist, and Roman does draw like a woman). Lastly, we finally connect Pizza Gate and Pizza Island. They could’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky meddling . PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Tom hasn’t updated his in a while so who gives a shit. Roman has rebooted fan-favorite Terrible Father… …and made some Resident Evil 4 fan-art. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#10
May 30, 2025 · 58 min
10. No Bulbs
Welcome to the TENTH episode of your favorite podcaster’s favorite podcast, Two Librans. We’ve spent the better part of a week together on a European holiday, and haven’t killed each other quite yet, and even managed to finally edit another episode, based on this certified banger: We both agree it’s about living in squalor, but both Roman and the weirdos at The Annotated Fall think it has something to do with Mark E. Smith expecting the previous tenant of his flat to leave a belt for him to wear when the move out (?). There are plenty of demented theories in the comments, and we ride along on their leaps of logic till they become too stupid to deal with. This week’s episode is also our new format! From here on out we’re only going to cover one topic or song. It’s shorter! This one is a 1hr! 1hr! 1hr! Enduction ep. This is also our first episode with an HR complaint, as we navigate the tricky world of slack-based workspace bullying. ALSO DISCUSSED Mark Zuckerberg’s Neck Roman brags about eating charcoal for some reason Women of the World Take Over the Pod Jeffrey Lewis’s fun “documentary” on The Fall Miami Review of Comics Drew Lerman’s proper comics podcast which has no mention of astrology or the Fall (which is why it’s not as good as ours). A recent episode of it may’ve been sampled into nonsense in this ep (the real thing is much more sober and informative than what we do here). PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently got hospitalized (he’s fine-ish now) and improvised some demented comics about the oldest profession. And Tom is about to post pretty long travelogue series on his trip to Europe, including lots of shocking and disturbing revelations about Roman that MIGHT end our friendship! Subscribe so you don’t miss one juicy bit. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#9
Apr 15, 2025 · 1 hr 14 min
9. Victoria
Welcome back Foodie Fam! It’s ya boys, JellyRoll and GobbleGoo for another delicious episode of Two Librans, the only podcast that dares to ask how much food can one stuff into their mouth! This week isn’t just about eating, it’s also about chewing, and this week we’re chewing on The Fall’s fantastic cover of the Kinks Klassic “Victoria”! Unfortunately, The Annotated Fall let us down yet again, and has no page dedicated to this cover song. It kind of makes sense, considering they didn’t change any of the lyrics of the original, but we still miss goofing on the deranged and lonely men arguing in the comments. Still, there’s plenty for us to discuss, from our love of The Kinks to the original design of the Michelin Man. PRESS YOUR LUCK This week’s interview is amazing, maybe the best we’ve covered so far. Featuring the very charming Kristy MacColl and a surprisingly agreeable Mark E. Smith popping on a fun show called Video View. The host plays a video, and all three have a giant buzzer to press when they’ve had enough. Everyone talks a lot of shit, and Mark even looks rather tame compared to the razor-tongued MacColl. Really worth watching before we discuss it. ALSO COVERED How many harmonicas does one band need?! We kinda lost it watching this one. Play along if you want the full communal experience. Jim Carrey’s savage and disrespectful political cartoons This. And its forefather PS. Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently illustrated a children’s book, ripe for the extended foodie fam: And Tom had an existential crisis when he completely fucked up a screenprint. This is the penultimate post in the saga you have all been following so closely! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
Mar 11, 2025 · 1 hr 5 min
8. Spoilt Victorian Child
This marks our first child-themed episode, and it runs the gauntlet from how to dress your child, horrible movies your children will demand to watch, mistakes your child can make when under the influence of Rock and Roll music, and of course, the song Spoilt Victorian Child. Truly one of The Fall’s great “bangers”, frontloading the already excellent This Nation’s Saving Grace. We have a nuanced conversation about the lyrics, which are relatively straightforward by Fall standards. Also, we miss some very obvious references. Have any guesses as to what “SVC” could stand for in this song? Tune in to hear us take an entire episode to figure it out! We also go back to school and cover Tom’s hit lists and Roman’s enormous genitals on the pages of Nikolai Gogol’s Dead Souls. Ah, youth.. A DIP INTO THE COMMENTS CESSPOOL We’ve danced around the petty, strange world of the comments accompanying the “annotations” on the Annotated Fall, but this week we do a deep dive into their chatter about “SVC”. We read aloud a very stupid, petty argument among grown men over the lyrics to the song, before someone posts the lyrics sheet as listed in the official single, almost as if it’s an irrelevant aside. ALSO COVERED Gaston Bachelard vs Fletcher Hanks Fantagraphics childwear (still for sale at the moment of writing) Fuck Al/Fuck AI Tom’s college classmates The revolution will begin with Limp Bizkit Robert Christgau, “The Dean of American Rock Critics” Tom’s Hit List The only reason to visit Bethesda, Maryland PS As always, don’t forget to follow our own substacks. Tom’s been writing weekly about “making art” in the screenprinting studio, and also documenting his terrific dietary habits. Roman recently posted some very dumb cartoons, and the very first one of these you can hear being riffed out in one of the upcoming episodes. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
Feb 18, 2025 · 1 hr 19 min
7. Tempo House
In this Tempo House we discuss: a very long and weird song from possibly the Fall's best album, the proud-boys-to-proud-men pipeline, the story of our meeting, the art of editing, Snow White and her Dwarfs, Twilight soundtrack, and Tom's mom. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com
#6
Jan 21, 2025 · 1 hr 27 min
6. That Man
…in which these men discuss crime (cyber, and regular), gloryholes, the manosphere, and The Fall, ft. Caitlin Moran Why hello there, did you miss us? We're back from a short hiatus you may or may not have noticed. We have both been incredibly busy with outside projects (also Tom was very sick), and discovered that keeping a weekly schedule was slowly ruining us. So, if we miss a week, please go back and catch up on any episodes you may have missed. Do not listen to any other podcasts. This week we cover an obscure track that’s only appeared on bootlegged live performances or tacked on as a bonus track on reissues, “That Man.” It’s a somewhat obnoxious song that neither of us particularly like, and the mealy-mouthed explanation of why Tom chose it falls apart pretty quickly as the discussion progresses. Even the unlovable goofballs on the now defunct Annotated Fall disapprove. Nevertheless, because we are covering everything Mark E. Smith ever penned, we do a full lyrical analysis of this stupid song, and discover it’s rife with extremely-specific Manchester references and (according to the Annotated Fall) William Blake references? Sure, buddy. And this being Two Librans, our discourse flies off the handle. In addition to That Man, These Men discuss Chuck E. Cheese, South American retreats for adherents to the Manosphere, glory holes (quite a bit on this actually), and Cyber Punishment for Cyber Crimes. Also: Tom plays a kazoo. DO YOU LIKE SEX This week’s interview is from some awful television show called Naked City, where host Caitlin Moran tries to drum up controversy with an extremely bemused and increasingly drunk Mark E. Smith. Perhaps the best part is when he’s asked who his favorite comedian is, and he answers Bernard Manning, an English comedian and nightclub owner whose sense of humor resembles your racist uncle telling jokes to try to impress uncles even more racist than him. He looks and sounds like an anthropomorphic jowl, so good luck trying to understand the clips they play of him blathering about immigrants or women or something. The whole interview has a strange, 90s Vaseline sheen, and is so oddly-produced that it’s pretty entertaining. ALSO COVERED Translated Russian dubs from the Soviet era VERY heterosexual men's retreats, no vegans welcome Preventative measures for glory holes in Seattle Note: this is a photo Tom took in 2012 of the bathroom he discusses in Volunteer ParkBonus: Here’s a comic he scribbled out at a drink-and-draw night in 2016 that features it: Tom teaches Roman about Chuck-E-Cheese / Dave & Busters Tom’s cousin’s MTV reality show about models Porn-’n-Chicken Night at the Old Pink in Buffalo (RIP) The difference between Love & Lust Russian pirate labels listed on Allmusic Roman steals a question from Caitlin Moran in his comic PS As always, don’t forget to follow our personal substacks! Roman recently wrote a manifesto no-one asked for: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit twolibrans.substack.com

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