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Tom Kelly Show

Tom Kelly

Tom Kelly is a Long Island comedian going through his midlife crisis with an independent podcast where he just has fun.
After decades working behind the scenes in television and radio, Tom mixes comedy, personal stories, show-business adventures, Long Island characters, street interviews, local businesses and conversations with interesting people.
Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's deep. There's no real plan. Whether it's at a TV show or on the Long Island Expressway . . . you're with Tom Kelly . . . in the moment as Tom keeps trying to remember to have fun.

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  • 25 episodes
  • fortnightly
  • Avg 26 min
  • English

Episodes 25

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  • Sunday · 29 min

    490: Remembering Patrick Stewart, Captain Picard & Saying Goodbye to New York City

    Remembering Patrick Stewart, Captain Picard & Saying Goodbye to New York City Remembering Sir Patrick Stewart, the legendary actor behind Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation and Professor Charles Xavier in X-Men. In Episode 490 of The Tom Kelly Show, comedian and lifelong Star Trek fan Tom Kelly reflects on the passing of Patrick Stewart at age 86 and the lasting influence of Captain Picard. Tom shares how Star Trek shaped his childhood, why Jean-Luc Picard became a role model, and what made Stewart's portrayal so memorable. But this isn't a conventional tribute. Tom also has some controversial opinions about Star Trek: Picard, the later Next Generation movies, and whether actors should have too much creative control over their characters. Then Tom gets personal. Recording his final podcast from his longtime Upper West Side apartment, Tom prepares to leave New York City and begin a new chapter on Long Island. After nearly two decades in the apartment, he's confronting the surprisingly emotional challenge of deciding what to keep, what to throw away, and which memories deserve a place in his new home. From the nightmare of moving furniture out of Manhattan to a 19-year-old mattress, vintage iPods, sentimental paintings, pandemic supplies, and his grandmother's unused cheese grater, Tom discovers that moving isn't just about getting rid of stuff. Sometimes it's about letting go of an old version of yourself. Plus, the worst Long Island Halloween costume ideas and one final goodbye to West 74th Street. Chapters 00:00 – Remembering Patrick Stewart & Leaving New York City 00:56 – Welcome to The Tom Kelly Show 02:24 – Patrick Stewart Dies at 86: A Star Trek Fan Remembers 03:22 – Growing Up With Star Trek: The Next Generation 03:47 – Did Patrick Stewart Hurt the Star Trek Movies? 04:32 – What Went Wrong With Star Trek: Picard? 06:36 – Why Picard Season 3 Is Worth Watching 07:05 – Captain Kirk vs. Captain Picard 08:04 – How Captain Picard Influenced Tom's Life 09:13 – Saying Goodbye to New York City 09:45 – The NYC Trash Incident That Pushed Tom Over the Edge 10:46 – Why Moving to Long Island Is So Stressful 12:19 – What Should You Keep When Moving? 12:40 – "You Don't Need a Moving Truck. You Need a Dumpster." 14:09 – Starting Over With New Furniture 15:49 – Are You a Hoarder? Old Cables, iPods & Forgotten Technology 18:04 – The Sentimental Things That Are Hard to Throw Away 22:07 – Pandemic Hoarding: Soap and N95 Masks 24:12 – Grandma's Cheese Grater and a Family Memory 26:48 – The Worst Long Island Halloween Costume Ideas 27:45 – Listener Shout-Outs and a Final Goodbye to Manhattan

  • October 26 · 16 min

    489: Norm MacDonald Documentary Judd Apatow & Alternate Side Of The Street Parking

    Did Judd Apatow's Norm Macdonald documentary really capture the comedian behind the legendary jokes? Comedian Tom Kelly records a solo episode from his car on Manhattan's Upper West Side while waiting out alternate-side parking. With a move to Long Island approaching, Tom reflects on why he's finally leaving New York City, the frustrations of owning a car in Manhattan, and the challenge of figuring out the next chapter of his comedy career. Tom also shares what it's like returning to television as a warm-up comedian for The Masked Singer and why getting back in front of a live audience has been creatively energizing. But the main event is Tom's review of Judd Apatow's Norm Macdonald documentary. As a longtime Norm fan, Tom enjoyed revisiting the legendary comedy clips but felt the film didn't reveal enough about the man behind them. Tom also revisits his days interning at Late Night with Conan O'Brien during Norm's controversial departure from Saturday Night Live and shares a little-known story he heard about Norm Macdonald getting booed offstage during a performance at Quinnipiac College. It's a conversation about comedy history, career reinvention, New York City and why sometimes you just have to turn on the microphone and make something. Chapters 00:00 Podcasting From a Car on Manhattan's Upper West Side 00:58 Why Sometimes You Just Have to Create Something 01:06 Why Tom Kelly Is Leaving New York City 01:29 The Nightmare of Alternate-Side Parking in NYC 04:46 Rethinking the Format of The Tom Kelly Show 06:03 Working as a Warm-Up Comedian on The Masked Singer 06:55 Reviewing Judd Apatow's Norm Macdonald Documentary 07:34 An Unexpected Conversation With a Stranger 08:26 What Was Missing From the Norm Macdonald Documentary? 09:51 Remembering Norm Macdonald's Saturday Night Live Years 11:30 The Story of Norm Macdonald Getting Booed at Quinnipiac 14:17 Why Tom Wanted More From the Documentary 14:50 Moving Into a New Condo and Finding a Podcast Studio 15:06 Magic Mirror, Comedy Shout-Outs & Closing Thoughts

  • October 15 · 23 min

    488: Star Trek, Vertical Dramas & The Future of AI Entertainment

    Is Paramount Plus's modern Star Trek losing what made the original series great? And will AI-generated videos eventually replace actors, comedians and content creators? Tom and Steve Burger discuss 00:00 – AI Deepfakes, Sora & The Future of Entertainment 00:09 – Podcasting From the Hamptons With Steve Burgerer 01:55 – Is Artificial Intelligence Taking Our Jobs? 02:14 – Does Instagram Penalize AI-Generated Content? 03:54 – What Happened to OpenAI's Sora? 05:03 – Comparing Google Flow, Runway & AI Video Tools 06:06 – Will AI Vertical Dramas Replace Influencers? 06:39 – Why Vertical Dramas Are the New Soap Operas 08:21 – Star Trek Turns 60: Is Modern Trek Any Good? 09:19 – Why Modern TV Seasons Are Too Short 10:10 – Do Star Trek Fans Actually Like Star Trek? 11:19 – What's Missing From Star Trek Today? 12:47 – Has Strange New Worlds Become Too Gimmicky? 14:12 – Star Trek: Discovery and Picard 15:15 – Why Tom Misses Episodic Television 15:59 – Could ChatGPT Write the Perfect Star Trek Episode? 19:02 – Star Trek: Picard Season 3 and Nostalgia 20:23 – Starfleet Academy, Diversity & Modern Star Trek 21:50 – Magic Mirror & Listener Shout-Outs 22:19 – Steve's Son Lex and His Independent Film

  • October 5 · 29 min

    487: Paul McCartney Is With My Ex and Why Keith Chase Hates Long Island

    Why does comedian Keith Chase (@ChaseTheShortGuy) hate Long Island — even though he grew up in one of its wealthier communities? Tom Kelly sits down with fellow Long Island comedian Keith Chase on New York City's Upper West Side for a funny, surprisingly personal conversation about growing up in Roslyn, Long Island stereotypes, wealth, privilege, community, politics and getting outside the bubble you grew up in. First, Tom and Keith get distracted by the unusual connection between Paul McCartney, Nancy Shevell and Nassau County Executive/Governor candidate Bruce Blakeman. Keith also gives possibly the most controversial ranking of The Beatles ever attempted on a podcast. Pasted text Then Keith explains what he disliked about growing up in Roslyn: the money, status competition, entitlement and feeling that everyone was trying to prove they'd "made it." But he also talks about the advantages he had, the teachers who influenced him and why he's grateful for the opportunities his hometown gave him. The conversation expands into Long Island culture, Massapequa vs. Roslyn, changing neighborhoods, why Keith doesn't want to move back to Long Island, and how leaving his hometown bubble changed the way he sees the world. Timestamps 00:00 Paul McCartney, Bruce Blakeman & What's Coming Up 00:27 Comedian Keith Chase Joins The Tom Kelly Show 01:15 The Paul McCartney–Bruce Blakeman Connection 02:16 Tom's Encounter With Bruce Blakeman in Sag Harbor 02:40 Why It's Dangerous for Creators to Talk Politics 03:39 How Nancy Shevell Ended Up With Paul McCartney 05:53 Would You Rather Your Ex Leave You for a Beatle? 06:21 Keith Ranks The Beatles From Best to Worst 08:33 Keith's Advice for Bruce Blakeman 09:25 Tom's Strange Tom Brady Connection 10:59 Massapequa vs. Roslyn 12:31 What Does Keith Hate About Roslyn? 13:22 The "I Made It, So I'm Better Than You" Attitude 14:08 Working as a Lifeguard in East Hills 16:00 When Adults Bully the Lifeguards 17:07 What Keith Actually Loved About Roslyn 17:35 The Teachers Who Changed His Life 18:31 Leaving the Family Home Behind 19:38 How Roslyn Became a Jewish Long Island Suburb 20:35 Roslyn's Connection to the Man Who Built Levittown 21:18 Would Keith Ever Move Back to Long Island? 21:37 What Keith Hates About Long Island Culture 22:18 Long Island vs. Jersey, Westchester & Connecticut 23:36 How Did Long Island Prepare Keith for the Real World? 23:57 Escaping the Roslyn Bubble 25:10 Massapequa's Version of the Long Island Bubble 25:42 The Childhood Tragedy That Changed Keith's Perspective 27:01 Tom's Very Different Massapequa Experience 27:36 How New Yorkers Respond to Tragedy 28:25 Why Keith Needed to Get Out and See the World Follow Tom Kelly: @TomKellyShow Follow Keith Chase: @ChaseTheShortGuy

  • September 21 · 19 min

    486: Why Businesses Hate Long Island Influencers

    Why are some Long Island business owners getting frustrated with influencers — and does paying someone $1,500 for an Instagram video actually bring customers through the door? Tom Kelly and Steve Burgerer take the podcast on the road from Sunrise Highway to Southampton for a loose Long Island conversation about influencers, sponsored content, getting paid for creative work, and Tom's philosophy on when he will — and won't — promote a business. Tom talks about the criticism that influencers will promote anything for money, whether influencer marketing actually works for local businesses, and the difference between making an advertisement and making something people actually want to watch. Then things wander—as they should—into Tom's price for "selling out," the time a charity organizer promised him an extra $1,000 and didn't pay, losing a TV job right after buying his mother an iPhone, why he doesn't announce new gigs until they're secure, and whether Tom's parents are basically the nice version of Ray Barone's parents. Why are some Long Island business owners getting frustrated with influencers — and does paying someone $1,500 for an Instagram video actually bring customers through the door? Tom Kelly and Steve Burgerer take the podcast on the road from Sunrise Highway to Southampton for a loose Long Island conversation about influencers, sponsored content, getting paid for creative work, and Tom's philosophy on when he will — and won't — promote a business. Tom talks about the criticism that influencers will promote anything for money, whether influencer marketing actually works for local businesses, and the difference between making an advertisement and making something people actually want to watch. Then things wander—as they should—into Tom's price for "selling out," the time a charity organizer promised him an extra $1,000 and didn't pay, losing a TV job right after buying his mother an iPhone, why he doesn't announce new gigs until they're secure, and whether Tom's parents are basically the nice version of Ray Barone's parents. Timestamps 00:00 Why Do People Hate Long Island Influencers? 00:24 Podcasting From Sunrise Highway 00:38 The Most Long Island Thing Ever 01:23 Why Podcasting Isn't As Easy As It Looks 02:05 Explaining The Tom Kelly Show to a Stranger 02:37 What the Hell Is Quogue? 02:58 Where Has Steve Burgerer Been? 04:03 Long Island Businesses Are Rebelling Against Influencers 04:28 Are Influencers Worth $1,500? 04:44 Can You Trust a Paid Influencer? 04:51 Has Tom Kelly Ever "Sold Out"? 05:45 What's Tom's Sellout Price? 05:59 Burger City vs. Shake Shack 07:05 How Much Money Makes a Bad Gig Worth It? 07:44 Why Tom Used to Turn Down $2,250 Gigs 08:31 The Charity Gig That Owed Tom $1,000 09:43 Why You Can't Win a Feud With St. Jude 10:40 Why Tom Won't Announce His New TV Gig Yet 11:04 Another Comedian Took Tom's TV Job 12:03 Steve Finally Meets Tom's Parents 12:25 Are Tom's Parents Like Everybody Loves Raymond? 13:25 Tom Buys His Mom Her First iPhone 14:09 Tom Loses a TV Job Right After Buying the iPhone 14:38 Joey Kola's Rule About Counting on a Gig 15:10 Do Influencer Videos Actually Work for Sponsors? 15:41 Why Did This Sponsored Video Underperform? 16:32 Magic Mirror & Listener Shout-Outs 18:39 Why Tom Is Making More Social Media Clips 18:54 Heading to Southampton

  • August 31 · 24 min

    485: Dealing With Pet Loss - Pet Loss Therapist Judith Rosen

    Is losing a pet really as painful as losing a human family member? How do you know when pet grief has become something you need help dealing with—and what should you NEVER say to someone whose pet just died? Tom Kelly sits down with longtime friend Judith Eve Rosen, LCSW, a clinical social worker specializing in veterinary social work and author of Life After Pet Loss: Daily Reflections for Working Through Grief. Judith explains how an experience in a veterinary emergency room inspired her to specialize in pet loss and the human-animal bond. 📖 BOOK — Life After Pet Loss: Daily Reflections for Working Through Grief Buy Life After Pet Loss on Amazon 📸 INSTAGRAM — @mypetlosstherapist Follow My Pet Loss Therapist on Instagram 🌐 JUDITH EVE ROSEN JudithEveRosen.com TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Pet Grief & Life After Pet Loss 00:40 Meet Pet Loss Therapist Judith Eve Rosen 01:09 Is Pet Grief Really That Serious? 02:09 How Judith Became a Pet Loss Therapist 03:05 Veterinary Social Work Is a Real Specialty 03:44 Life After Pet Loss 04:01 Why People Seek Help After Losing a Pet 04:29 The WORST Things to Say When Someone's Pet Dies 05:11 What Is Disenfranchised Grief? 06:13 Does Everyone Need a Pet Loss Therapist? 07:27 PTSD and Traumatic Pet Loss 08:15 How Do You Know When Someone Needs Help? 08:31 Is Losing a Pet Like Losing a Family Member? 09:16 When Pet Loss Becomes Compounded Grief 10:10 Losing a Pet When You Live Alone 10:33 Does Losing a Dog Hurt More Than Losing a Rabbit or Fish? 11:27 Grieving ALL Kinds of Pets 12:58 How Do You Move On After Losing a Pet? 13:22 Keeping Your Pet's Collar, Bed or Favorite Things 14:33 Ways to Memorialize and Remember Your Pet 15:04 What If Your Friends Don't Understand Your Pet Grief? 16:56 Being Patient With People Who Don't Understand 17:45 Helping a Friend Whose Pet Is Dying 19:04 Pet Loss Resources and Support Groups 19:52 How Do You Explain Pet Death to a Child? 20:39 The "Memory Jar" for Children and Families 21:34 Feeling Guilty About Getting Another Pet 22:12 A New Pet Isn't a Replacement 22:41 How Do You Know When You're Ready for Another Pet? 23:29 Life After Pet Loss & Judith's Instagram 23:56 Closing Thoughts

  • August 18 · 23 min

    484: Long Island's First Buffalo Pizza Slice - Pizzaiola Peter Romanelli

    Long Island Based Influencer and Comedian Tom Kelly was complaining about the growth of people doing videos and similar to his. Brittany Stigliano - ThatMom_Brittany on Instagram suggested Tom meet Peter Romanelli of Pizzaiola . . . owner of the Long Island pizza shop that lays claim to the first ever Buffalo Chicken slice. - Was the first Buffalo Chicken pizza slice invented at Pizziola of North Babylon, Long Island? Does every pizza shop owner now also have to be a TikTok comedian? What can comedians and creatives learn from pizza owners? Are pizza shop owners jerks? - - Pizzaaiola of North Babylon: @pizzaiolanb Brittany Stigliano: @ThatMom_Brittany

  • August 10 · 27 min

    482: Perez Hilton And What I Hate About Lindenhurst - Plus Dog Poop

    Tom Kelly goes from celebrity culture to Long Island problems and then ends with a tribute to one of the people who helped shape his life. Tom reacts to the troubling news surrounding Perez Hilton and reflects on fame, career reinvention, getting older, and the difficulty of trying to recreate an earlier high point in your career. It leads Tom to an important realization: sometimes the people who matter most aren't in show business — they're simply the people who love you. Then, a neighborhood debate: Is it wrong to put your dog's poop in somebody else's garbage can? Tom has a definite opinion. Next, we're going to Lindenhurst, Long Island. Tom asked Lindenhurst residents what they hate about their own town. Parking apps, fishing permits, disappearing landmarks, confusing streets, yard-sale rules, the town's legendary reputation for bars — and why Tom actually loves Lindenhurst. Finally, Tom remembers Gary Proce, his former Long Island Lutheran High School athletic director and mentor. Gary helped a shy teenage Tom come out of his shell, nominated him for a Christian Service Award, encouraged his sense of humor and helped give him some of his earliest opportunities. Tom reflects on Gary's life, his many careers, and the importance of telling people they made a difference while you still have the chance. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Coming Up: Perez Hilton, Dog Poop & Lindenhurst 00:52 — The Tom Kelly Show 01:14 — What Is The Tom Kelly Show? 02:13 — Magic Mirror & Listener Shout-Outs 02:57 — Good Morning America & Tom's TV Career 03:52 — What's The Next Chapter? 04:09 — Who Moved My Cheese? & Reinventing Yourself 06:00 — Perez Hilton & The Early Internet Era 06:47 — Perez Hilton's Troubling Livestream 07:03 — Fame, Midlife & Trying To Recapture Success 08:06 — Appreciating The People Who Love You 08:33 — Is It Wrong To Put Dog Poop In Someone Else's Garbage? 09:28 — The Neighborhood Dog-Poop Wars 10:26 — Why Tom Says It's Wrong 11:41 — It's Your Dog. It's Your Poop. 12:33 — Leaving The Apartment & Taking The Podcast On The Road 13:22 — What People From Lindenhurst Hate About Lindenhurst 14:02 — The Lindenhurst Vibe 14:55 — "Swindlehurst" vs. "Lindy" 15:27 — Why Do The Sidewalks Suddenly End? 15:49 — Lindenhurst Parking & Parking Apps 16:57 — Paying To Fish From The Lindenhurst Docks 17:29 — Lost Lindenhurst Landmarks 18:05 — Lindenhurst's Confusing Streets 18:48 — Only One Yard Sale A Year? 19:50 — Does Lindenhurst Really Have The Most Bars? 20:46 — The Football Stadium Problem 20:58 — Missing The Lindenhurst You Grew Up In 21:13 — Why Tom Loves Lindenhurst 21:42 — Remembering Gary Proce 22:21 — How Gary Helped A Shy Tom Kelly 22:54 — The Christian Service Award That Changed Tom 23:31 — Gary Helped Give Tom His First Paid Video Work 24:17 — "Scoop Kelly" & The Adults Who Notice The Quiet Kids 25:08 — Tell People The Impact They Had On You 25:45 — Gary Proce's Remarkable Life & Many Careers 26:30 — A Real Long Island Hustler 26:52 — Remembering One Of The Greats 27:09 — Your Homework: Tell Someone They Made A Difference - Most Importantly - Tom remembers a mentor: former Long Island Lutheran High School athletic director Gary Proce. -

  • July 27 · 19 min· Video

    481a: Long Island's Unwritten Rules Part 2 | Live From Lucharitos in Melville

    Now posting this as video. Please text if you get it. - Editing Error - Had To Repost The Long Island debate continues! After receiving more than 1,000 Facebook comments, Tom Kelly and producer Steve Burger return to Lucharitos on Walt Whitman Road in Melville for Part 2 of the funniest, strangest, and most relatable Long Island Unwritten Rules. This episode dives into Long Island driving habits, bagel etiquette, diners, disco fries, beach behavior, deli traditions, parking wars, the Long Island Railroad, Dairy Barn memories, pizza debates, and dozens of local customs that every Long Islander seems to know. Plus, Tom goes on a hilarious rant about Long Island copycats, debates whether you should ever toast a fresh bagel, explains why nobody should park in a fire lane, and wraps up with a spirited discussion about whether tacos belong on a first date. Recorded live at Lucharitos, a Long Island original with great tacos, margaritas, family-friendly events, and bingo nights. If you stop by, tell them The Tom Kelly Show sent you! Follow Lucharitos on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lucharitos Timestamps 00:00 Welcome back to Lucharitos 00:20 Follow Lucharitos & subscribe to The Tom Kelly Show 00:53 Long Island Unwritten Rules – Part 2 begins 01:21 Why this is the "B List" of rules 01:47 Tom jokes about Long Island podcast copycats 02:25 Avoid the Long Island Expressway whenever possible 03:17 Long Island traffic survival strategies 04:17 When did ATVs start driving on parkways? 04:33 Sunday bagels and bakery traditions 04:57 Eat All American hamburgers in the parking lot 05:07 Green light etiquette & immediate honking 05:31 Long Island diners after movies and date nights 06:05 Late-night Long Island food: disco fries & White Castle 06:38 Should you ever toast a fresh bagel? 07:22 Right turns on red and camera anxiety 08:13 Beach etiquette: don't set up on top of strangers 08:31 Boar's Head should be sliced paper thin 08:47 Snow parking spot etiquette 09:13 Keep your lawn looking good 09:31 Never show up empty-handed to someone's house 10:18 Talking to strangers on the Long Island Railroad 11:07 Return your shopping cart (and Tom's church parking rant) 13:00 Long Island pronunciations & local sayings 14:10 Dairy Barn memories and handing over cash 14:42 Breakfast sandwiches belong on hard rolls 14:55 Ranch dressing on pizza? 15:27 Sicilian vs. Grandma slices 15:47 Egg creams, mustard, and deli traditions 16:23 Sweet'N Low is the official Long Island sweetener 17:00 Pizza parlors vs. pizza places 17:37 Jones Beach tunnel tradition & teaser for Part 3 17:49 Why Lucharitos is worth a visit 18:19 Would you take a first date to Lucharitos? 19:24 Final thoughts and thanks to Lucharitos Topics Covered Long Island unwritten rules Long Island Expressway Bagels & bacon, egg and cheese All American Burger Long Island diners Disco fries Long Island Railroad Dairy Barn Pizza debates Jones Beach Lucharitos Melville Long Island culture #TomKellyShow #LongIsland #LongIslandPodcast #Lucharitos #Melville #LongIslandComedy #Bagels #Pizza #LongIslandLife #JonesBeach #BaconEggAndCheese #Podcast---------------- Socials: @TomKellyShow Website And Podcast: https://tomkellyshow.com

  • July 20 · 22 min

    480: Unwritten Long Island Rules at Lucharito's of Melville (Part 1)

    What are the unwritten rules of Long Island? Tom Kelly and video producer Steve Burger take over Lucharitos on Walt Whitman Road in Melville to debate the rules every real Long Islander seems to know—even though nobody ever wrote them down. After asking Facebook for answers and getting more than 1,000 responses, Tom breaks down the biggest Long Island rules: never park in front of someone else's house, always say you live on Long Island, order your bacon, egg and cheese correctly, move out of the left lane, know your deli order before reaching the counter, and never question Long Island pizza, bagels, or Billy Joel. The conversation also covers Long Island accents, Jamaica Station anxiety, pizza-folding etiquette, buttered rolls, the Southern State, "going out east," and why Queens and Brooklyn may be geographically on the same island—but are not considered Long Island. This is Part 1 of the Long Island Unwritten Rules series, recorded live at Lucharitos in Melville. Follow: Lucharitos on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/lucharitos/?hl=en Timestamps 00:00 Podcasting from Lucharitos in Melville 00:59 Welcome to The Tom Kelly Show 01:22 Help Lucharitos reach 30,000 followers 01:45 Introducing Long Island's unwritten rules 02:17 More than 1,000 Facebook responses 02:58 Bacon, egg and cheese: salt, pepper, ketchup 03:48 Don't park in front of someone else's house 05:00 Lucharitos food arrives 05:19 You live on Long Island—not in Long Island 05:53 Bacon, egg and cheese belongs on a Kaiser roll 06:54 The left lane is for faster traffic 07:29 The Long Island accent 08:01 It's a hero—not a sub, hoagie, or grinder 08:27 Pizza is a pie and a plain slice is a regular slice 08:45 Should you fold your pizza? 09:15 Never change trains at Jamaica 10:06 Are Queens and Brooklyn part of Long Island? 11:00 Stop signs and turn signals are apparently optional 11:17 Manhattan is simply "the city" 11:51 Every Long Islander must respect Billy Joel 12:13 Billy Joel drove into a house—and people blamed the house 12:42 Why this topic needs a Part 2 13:20 Southern State—not Southern State Parkway 13:46 Parkways versus expressways 14:17 What does "regular coffee" mean? 14:52 The Hamptons versus "out east" 15:24 Know your deli or bagel order before reaching the counter 16:37 Long Island has the best pizza and bagels 17:43 Stay off other people's lawns 18:00 Massapequa neighborhood drama 19:24 A buttered roll counts as breakfast 20:07 Long Island merging etiquette 20:20 Pineapple—and other fruit—on pizza 21:06 Place your deli order and step aside 21:15 A yellow light means speed up 21:54 Part 1 wraps up 22:26 Subscribe and good night from Walt Whitman Road

  • July 12 · 18 min

    479: Long Island Pizza Wars At Autospa of Williston Park With Fat Jay

    The Tom Kelly Show goes on location to Auto Spa of Williston Park on Willis Avenue for a sponsored podcast with Tom Kelly, Steve Burger behind the camera, and special guest Fat Jay. While Tom's "Massapequa Mobile" gets an oil change, Tom and Fat Jay riff about Auto Spa, Christmas in July, Long Island car maintenance, and why this shop doesn't hit you with the old-school mechanic upsell. Then the conversation turns into a full Long Island pizza debate: viral pizza feuds, influencer drama, underrated slices, old-school Italian spots, dangerous parking lots, and the pizza places that deserve more attention. Fat Jay gives his takes on the Long Island pizza wars, bromate drama, Three Brothers of Rockville Centre, Dario's, Phil's, Lombardo's of Seaford, Anona of Valley Stream, Little Vincent's, Mama's, Umberto's, Carmela's, Galleria of Merrick, and more. Auto Spa employees even jump in with their own underrated pizza picks, including Enzo's of Williston Park, Mama Theresa's, and Frantony's. It's part podcast, part local business shout-out, part Long Island food fight — all from inside Auto Spa while the oil change is actually happening. Watch The Tom Kelly Show on YouTube and listen on all podcast apps. Follow Auto Spa of Williston Park on Instagram and tell them Tom Kelly sent you.

  • July 7 · 25 min

    478: Massapequa Bullying and 40th Birthday Lessons

    Does the Massapequa School District have a bullying problem? On this episode of **The Tom Kelly Show**, Tom talks honestly — and still somehow comedically — about bullying in Massapequa, his own experience being bullied, and why communities need to do better. Then Tom pivots into the life lessons he learned on his very recent "40th" birthday. Don't argue with the number. From friendship and gratitude to getting older in entertainment, health, relationships, faith, money, and the fear of not being enough, this episode goes from local Long Island frustration to personal reflection… with sponsors, jokes, and belly slaps along the way. **Content note:** This episode includes discussion of bullying and suicide. Like, comment, subscribe, and share if you're part of the little Tom Kelly Show community. And please comment: Happy 40th Birthday, Tom Kelly. 00:45 — Massapequa bullying and why Tom wanted to talk about it 03:06 — Tom's own experience being bullied 09:39 — Why communities need to stand up to bullying 10:31 — Lessons from Tom's "40th" birthday 13:53 — Friends for a reason, season, or life 19:06 — The fear of not being enough 20:36 — Sponsor mentions

  • June 15 · 36 min· Video

    Long Island Crimes And Naming Every Town On Long Island

    Tom Kelly and Steve Burgerer riff on Long Island "victimless crimes," fake service dogs, loud motorcycles, e-bikes, bad parking etiquette, walkable towns, and whether naming every town on Long Island could somehow become viral content. The episode eventually turns into a full-on Long Island town naming marathon inspired by Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon — with debates over which towns are real, which ones sound fake, and why every Long Islander secretly wants to hear their hometown mentioned. Tom also talks about comedy, podcasting, audience behavior, Andy Kaufman-style performance art, and an awkward comedy dating show featuring 9/11 jokes gone wrong. If you love Long Island culture, local humor, Massapequa references, Eisenhower Park, Nassau County chaos, and two comedians arguing about whether "Village of the Branch" is a real place… this episode is for you.

  • June 8 · 17 min

    476: Ralphs Italian Ice Of Farmingdale - Robberies, Mistakes and Fun

    made a video claiming there was no Ralph's Italian Ice in Farmingdale. Long Island was not happy. The town came after me! 😅 After getting flooded with corrections (and a few messages that were a little too passionate), I visited Jill and Kathy of Ralph's Italian Ice in Farmingdale to apologize in person and meet the people behind one of Long Island's favorite institutions. Along the way we discuss: The Great Farmingdale Ralph's Controversy Why Long Islanders take frozen desserts VERY seriously A wild attempted robbery story involving a ransom note and a punch across the counter Training teenagers to count change in 2026 The devastating fire affecting Ralph's Franklin Square location Why Long Islanders from Brooklyn are a special breed Special thanks to Jill, Kathy, and the entire Ralph's team for being good sports and setting the record straight. 🍧 Support Ralph's Italian Ice / ralphs_farmingdale 📍 Farmingdale, Long Island 🎙️ Subscribe for more Long Island stories, local legends, comedians, business owners, and everyday characters. #LongIsland #Farmingdale #RalphsItalianIce #TomKellyShow #LongIslandLife #Podcast #Comedy #newyorkcomedy Suggested Thumbnail Text I WAS WRONG THEY MADE ME APOLOGIZE LONG ISLAND WAS MAD THERE IS A RALPH'S! ICE CREAM CONTROVERSY FARMINGDALE FACT-CHECKED ME YouTube Chapter Markers 00:00 I Was Wrong About Farmingdale 00:43 The Ralph's Controversy Explained 02:04 Why Everyone Was Mad 05:39 The Attempted Robbery Story 07:10 Kathy Chases the Robber 08:25 Can Kids Still Count Change? 10:50 The Franklin Square Fire 12:36 A Plea to Reopen Before Summer 14:01 The Official Apology 15:10 Sponsor Shout-Outs from Maine

  • June 1 · 22 min

    Audio Only: Riverhead Town Board Drama / Massapequa School Board Election Results

    ong Island Comedian Tom Kelly and producer Steve hit the road for another chaotic in-the-car episode of The Tom Kelly Show — recorded while driving through Long Island and ranting about everything from Riverhead drama to the controversial Massapequa school board election. Tom reacts to a Riverhead town councilwoman calling him a "wannabe comedian" during a public meeting after one of his Long Island comedy videos sparked controversy online. Tom explains why he believes he was actually celebrating Riverhead, why he only "punches up" in his comedy, and how the backlash accidentally made the original video even more popular. - ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 0:00 – Tom reacts to people "bashing Riverhead" 0:22 – Sponsor shoutouts: ABC Home Outlet & AutoSpa Williston Park 1:12 – Long Island Science Center discussion begins 1:53 – Podcasting from the Jeep at Bay Park Eastway 2:27 – Classic Long Island roadside observations 3:15 – Tom explains the Riverhead controversy 3:38 – "I punch up, I don't punch down" 4:17 – Why Tom actually likes Riverhead 4:52 – A Riverhead councilwoman calls Tom a "wannabe comedian" 5:21 – Full clip from the Riverhead town meeting 6:17 – Riverhead's downtown redevelopment frustrations 6:48 – The Long Island Aquarium & Riverhead tourism jokes 7:41 – "I'm not a wannabe comedian. I'm a washed-up comedian." 8:08 – Tom says the Riverhead video was meant lovingly 8:44 – Railroad crossing interruption & Long Island chaos 9:14 – Tom reacts to the backlash video going viral 10:00 – "If I were REALLY bashing Riverhead…" 10:42 – Trying to rename the LIRR the "Long Island Choo Choo" 10:58 – Long Island Science Center controversy explained 11:58 – Tom discusses charging appearance/meeting fees 12:16 – Why Tom skipped the Riverhead town board meeting 13:00 – Tom softens toward Councilwoman Joanne Waski 14:29 – Breaking down the Science Center land dispute 15:28 – The Science Center's move to Tanger Outlets 16:02 – Tom asks listeners to leave positive reviews 17:09 – Transition into Massapequa school board politics 17:23 – Reaction to the controversial Massapequa election 17:42 – "The Save The Chief candidates won" 18:08 – Tom says he would have split his vote 18:15 – "How much do we spend to save the logo?" 18:34 – Long Island Railroad strike frustrations 19:08 – Overtime pay controversy & Newsday article discussion 20:03 – Tom's fantasy LIRR labor negotiation plan 20:37 – Strange LIRR overtime rules explained 21:04 – Triple turnout in the school board election 21:12 – "All because of a Chief and transgender bathrooms" 21:46 – Wrapping up another Long Island road episode 22:00 – "If you came for school board politics, stay for the funny"---------------- Socials: @TomKellyShow

  • June 1 · 22 min· Video

    Riverhead Town Board Drama / Massapequa School Board Election Results

    ong Island Comedian Tom Kelly and producer Steve hit the road for another chaotic in-the-car episode of The Tom Kelly Show — recorded while driving through Long Island and ranting about everything from Riverhead drama to the controversial Massapequa school board election. Tom reacts to a Riverhead town councilwoman calling him a "wannabe comedian" during a public meeting after one of his Long Island comedy videos sparked controversy online. Tom explains why he believes he was actually celebrating Riverhead, why he only "punches up" in his comedy, and how the backlash accidentally made the original video even more popular. - ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 0:00 – Tom reacts to people "bashing Riverhead" 0:22 – Sponsor shoutouts: ABC Home Outlet & AutoSpa Williston Park 1:12 – Long Island Science Center discussion begins 1:53 – Podcasting from the Jeep at Bay Park Eastway 2:27 – Classic Long Island roadside observations 3:15 – Tom explains the Riverhead controversy 3:38 – "I punch up, I don't punch down" 4:17 – Why Tom actually likes Riverhead 4:52 – A Riverhead councilwoman calls Tom a "wannabe comedian" 5:21 – Full clip from the Riverhead town meeting 6:17 – Riverhead's downtown redevelopment frustrations 6:48 – The Long Island Aquarium & Riverhead tourism jokes 7:41 – "I'm not a wannabe comedian. I'm a washed-up comedian." 8:08 – Tom says the Riverhead video was meant lovingly 8:44 – Railroad crossing interruption & Long Island chaos 9:14 – Tom reacts to the backlash video going viral 10:00 – "If I were REALLY bashing Riverhead…" 10:42 – Trying to rename the LIRR the "Long Island Choo Choo" 10:58 – Long Island Science Center controversy explained 11:58 – Tom discusses charging appearance/meeting fees 12:16 – Why Tom skipped the Riverhead town board meeting 13:00 – Tom softens toward Councilwoman Joanne Waski 14:29 – Breaking down the Science Center land dispute 15:28 – The Science Center's move to Tanger Outlets 16:02 – Tom asks listeners to leave positive reviews 17:09 – Transition into Massapequa school board politics 17:23 – Reaction to the controversial Massapequa election 17:42 – "The Save The Chief candidates won" 18:08 – Tom says he would have split his vote 18:15 – "How much do we spend to save the logo?" 18:34 – Long Island Railroad strike frustrations 19:08 – Overtime pay controversy & Newsday article discussion 20:03 – Tom's fantasy LIRR labor negotiation plan 20:37 – Strange LIRR overtime rules explained 21:04 – Triple turnout in the school board election 21:12 – "All because of a Chief and transgender bathrooms" 21:46 – Wrapping up another Long Island road episode 22:00 – "If you came for school board politics, stay for the funny"---------------- Socials: @TomKellyShow

  • May 23 · 16 min· Video

    Spotify Video Test: Goodbye Stephen Colbert

    This is a video upload of the Goodbye Stephen Colbert Episode. I'm trying to see if this episode will show ups as video on Spotify and other podcast platforms.

  • May 23 · 16 min

    Goodbye Stephen Colbert - From The Substitute Warm Up Comedian

    Comedian and longtime TV warm-up performer Tom Kelly reacts to the final episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and what it means for the future of late-night television, comedy, and New York City entertainment culture. From performing warm-up comedy inside the historic Ed Sullivan Theater to reflecting on the collapse of traditional broadcast television, Tom shares personal stories, industry insight, and emotional memories about working with Stephen Colbert and his staff over the years. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 0:14 – "This is my last day working at The Late Show" 0:22 – Introduction to the end of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert 1:04 – Tom reacts emotionally to Colbert's final episode 1:21 – Trump, the FCC & pressure on late-night TV discussed 1:35 – Tourists from Utah react to Colbert ending 2:02 – Tom admits he watched late night TV first thing in the morning 2:37 – Tom reflects on working at The Late Show 2:51 – CBS potentially leaving the Ed Sullivan Theater 3:09 – Tom shares clips from performing warm-up comedy at Colbert 3:39 – Why Colbert audiences were unique 3:56 – Tom asks out a TV anchor Jana Angel from the audience 4:27 – Childhood memories at the Ed Sullivan Theater seeing New Kids on the Block 5:15 – Tom thanks Mom from the Ed Sullivan Theater 8:03 – "The end of a type of television" 8:34 – Why podcasts may be replacing traditional TV 9:13 – Trump, Paramount & FCC merger politics 9:35 – Tom explains why Trump jokes are easier in comedy 10:00 – "Stephen Colbert is actually funny" 10:17 – What made Colbert's comedy different 10:46 – How Colbert treated staff during COVID 11:12 – Tom says Colbert was respected behind the scenes 12:17 – Late-night budgets, unions & TV economics 12:51 – Tom reflects on whether this was his final warm-up gig 13:38 – "Hosting The Late Show was my dream job" 13:53 – "If the dream doesn't exist anymore, do I still want it?" 14:13 – Tom thanks Stephen Colbert directly 14:29 – "He threw himself on the sword for free speech" 14:37 – Story about Tom's nephew meeting Colbert 15:51 – Tom jokes about being available for Byron Allen 16:04 – Final goodbye to the Ed Sullivan Theater & New York

  • May 18 · 40 min

    472: Lynn Russo Massapequa School Board Candidate

    The final of four interviews with Massapequa's candidates running in Massapequa's school board election on Tuesday May 19th. Dr. Lynn Russo, PhD ESQ is a practicing lawyer with a PHD in Molecular Biology. Russo may be the most educated candidate and discusses her campaign. - Russo addresses a rather offensive campaign flyer that has been distributed featuring disturbing images and accusations about her and fellow candidate Bobby Bonett. - She discusses why she believes "Save The Chief" lawsuits to save Massapequa's Chief mascot will not work. - Why she believes Massapequa should have Universal Pre K. - Massapequa's Transgender bathroom and locker room policy.

  • May 11 · 39 min

    471: Massapequa Board Candidate Cheryl Lepre

    Comedian and podcast host Tom Kelly continues his Massapequa School Board interview series with current board member and candidate Cheryl Lepre. - Recorded at Paradise Studios in Massapequa, Long Island, this long-form conversation covers: - The "Save the Chief" lawsuit Taxpayer money and school budgets COVID and mask policy fallout Anonymous Facebook politics Transgender locker room controversy Universal Pre-K Education, AI & vocational training Why Massapequa has become a national political flashpoint And whether local politics has become too mean This episode focuses heavily on tone, community identity, and what Cheryl Lepre believes keeps Massapequa schools successful. - ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 1:19 – "Anyone who runs for school board is either crazy or a career politician" 1:41 – Cheryl explains her 7 years on the school board 1:58 – Why she continues to run for reelection 2:15 – PTA volunteer work & helping Boy Scouts become Eagle Scouts 2:43 – Tom asks if national politics have taken over local school boards 🪶 SAVE THE CHIEF & THE LAWSUIT 3:18 – Tom introduces the "Save the Chief" issue 3:39 – Why the school board is fighting to keep the Massapequa Chiefs mascot 3:48 – Cheryl discusses taxpayer money and fiscal responsibility 4:37 – Why she believes the lawsuit is financially worth pursuing 6:14 – Cheryl discusses conversations with the Shinnecock Nation 6:46 – NAGA (Native American Guardians Association) visits Massapequa 7:07 – "They prefer to be called American Indians" 7:54 – "Educate, not eradicate" 9:45 – Comparisons to Vikings, Crusaders & Spartans 10:17 – Lawsuit costs discussed: "0.08% of the budget" 😷 COVID, MASKS & POLITICAL DIVISION 12:11 – Tom compliments Cheryl's tone and communication style 13:01 – Cheryl compares this election cycle to previous campaigns 13:27 – Massive voter turnout during COVID-era elections 14:16 – Anonymous Facebook groups & online negativity 15:10 – Cheryl discusses avoiding toxic online comments for mental health 15:29 – Tom brings up Bobby Bonett's leaked COVID email controversy 16:19 – Cheryl clarifies the school board did not leak the email 16:55 – Cheryl explains FOIL requests and redactions 🚻 TRANS POLICIES & LOCKER ROOM LAWSUIT 19:32 – Massapequa lawsuits involving masks, mascots & bathrooms 20:01 – Cheryl says the district did NOT initiate the transgender lawsuit 20:23 – Tom summarizes the locker room controversy 20:32 – Cheryl explains the district policy 20:51 – Tom asks about rescinding the policy 21:03 – Cheryl says lawyers advised caution discussing the active lawsuit 21:18 – "We've made every accommodation for all students" 21:34 – Gender-neutral locker rooms and bathrooms explained 21:49 – Tom argues lawsuits distract from educational issues 22:01 – Cheryl describes school board presentations being overshadowed by controversy 22:29 – Career fairs, arts, athletics & student accomplishments discussed 22:43 – Why Cheryl believes opponents focus on lawsuits 🗳️ THE ELECTION & LOCAL POLITICS 22:57 – Tom asks about Bobby Bonett personally 23:12 – Cheryl calls Bobby "well spoken" 23:17 – Tom jokingly asks if Bobby is funded by George Soros 23:43 – Discussion of political ambitions in local elections 23:51 – Would Cheryl ever run for higher office? 🏫 EDUCATION, PRE-K & THE FUTURE 24:14 – Tom pivots the conversation toward education 24:19 – Cheryl reveals she now works in education administration 24:52 – Cheryl explains her work with special education placements 25:10 – Universal Pre-K debate begins 25:32 – "We're not against UPK — the question is sustainability" 27:01 – How the state funds UPK students 27:27 – State funding increases may change future plans 27:47 – Faith-based preschool concerns discussed 28:17 – Cheryl says the district is open to revisiting UPK 🎓 EDUCATION, AI & CAREERS 33:06 – Cheryl describes long board meetings and behind-the-scenes work ⚽ SPORTS, COMMON CORE & TESTING 33:36 – Questions from the "Massapequa Matters" Facebook groups 33:41 – Sports participation policy discussion 34:00 – Common Core and state testing debate begins 34:35 – Teacher evaluations and testing pressure discussed 35:01 – Why Cheryl believes some form of testing is necessary 35:21 – New York's changing Regents requirements 🏡 MASSAPEQUA IDENTITY & REAL ESTATE 35:35 – "People move here because they love Massapequa" 35:55 – Tom asks if the town is changing culturally 36:16 – Real estate prices exploding across Long Island 36:40 – Houses selling for tens of thousands over asking price 37:06 – Cheryl argues people move to Massapequa because of its traditions and schools 37:27 – "There's a reason people chose to move here"

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