To Be A Boy

Joeli Brearley and Elliott Rae

To Be A Boy dives into the chaos of raising boys today — from dodgy masculinity myths to the wild world of online culture. Joeli Brearley and Elliott Rae mix humour with sharp takes on the policies, systems and social norms shaping boys’ lives. It’s real talk, big laughs, and a nudge toward a fairer future.

Subscribe Listen in podnod RSS feed Show website

20 episodes
Updated July 21

Episodes20

Newest first

July 21 · 44 min
The Summer Holiday Survival Guide
Let them be bored! Six weeks, endless snacks and the nagging feeling that you should be running a children’s cruise ship from your kitchen. Playworker Amber joins Elliott to explain why parents can lower the bar and why boredom, messy play and a little independence can be brilliant for children. Packed with simple, low-cost ideas for toddlers to teens, inclusive advice for children with additional needs and a persuasive case for the adventure playground, this is a warm, reassuring guide to a summer with more connection, less pressure and far less forced fun.
July 14 · 46 min
Masculinity Education
Masculinities educator Lewis Wedlock joins Joeli and Elliott to talk boys, schools, online influence and why the best conversations start with curiosity rather than condemnation. From “borrowed phrases” on the internet to helping young men sit with discomfort, this is a sharp, hopeful and very human conversation about teaching boys HOW to think, not just WHAT to think. Book - Masculinities in Schools by Lewis Wedlock Links mentioned: Voice of the Boys report State of UK Men 2025 report Safer Scrolling
July 7 · 50 min
Nothing Is Ever Too Bad: Boys and the Adults Who Don’t Give Up with Professor Seán Redmond
In this wonderfully hopeful episode of To Be a Boy, Joeli speaks to Professor Seán Redmond about boys, belonging and how children can be drawn into criminal networks. Drawing on decades of youth justice experience and his landmark Greentown research, Seán explains why punishment alone rarely works — and why young people need accountability, safe spaces and trusted adults who believe nothing is ever too bad to talk about. He believes that things can always be fixed. REPPP - Research Evidence into Policy, Programmes and Practice https://www.ul.ie/artsoc/ccjvs/research/youth-justice/reppp
June 30 · 1 hr 1 min
Raising Boys Without the Tough-Guy Act: Alex Tripper!
In this episode of To Be A Boy, Joeli and Elliott are joined by podcast BFF, couples coach, father of three and Be a Happier Parent host Alex Trippier for a raw (seriously, get your tissues READY), funny and deeply honest conversation about modern fatherhood. Together, they explore the mental load, anger, repair, school refusal, resilience, sensitive boys, the manosphere, porn, consent and what it really takes to raise boys without passing on old models of fear, toughness and control. From the shame of losing your temper to the power of apology, Alex makes the case for parenting with more connection, more courage and a lot less certainty.https://www.instagram.com/beahappierparent/
June 23 · 36 min
Sent to Stare at the Wall: The Social Media Ban
In this episode of To Be A Boy, Joeli and Elliott unpack the newly announced social media ban for under-16s: from TikTok, YouTube and Roblox to VPNs, WhatsApp and the very real risk that teenagers are simply left to “stare at the wall”. They ask whether the ban is a necessary cultural reset, a blunt instrument, or both. They also look at what young people need instead: youth clubs, third spaces, safer online communities, and more honest support for families. Plus, a detour into The Care Gap, boys and domestic responsibility, dinner fatigue, England football feelings, and Elliott’s surprisingly nerve-wracking mission to give men flowers for Father’s Day.
June 16 · 58 min
Inside the Mind of a 16-Year-Old Boy with Shuab Gamote
Joeli and Elliott are joined by Shuab Gamote, advocate for young people, strategic adviser to the NEETs Commission, and co-author of Inside the Mind of a 16-Year-Old. Shuab has spoken to more than 1,000 young people across the UK, and in this conversation he shares what they are really saying about school, work, confidence, social media, COVID, class, AI, safety, and the future. Together, they explore why so many boys feel misunderstood, why the education system is failing some young people, and why confidence, purpose, trusted adults and real-world opportunities matter so much. It’s a wide-ranging, hopeful and deeply human conversation about what boys are navigating today, and what parents, schools, employers and policymakers can do to help them feel seen, valued and ready for the world ahead.
June 9 · 37 min
Raised by the Internet? A Movember Conversation About Boys
In a world of social media, body pressures, dating confusion and manosphere content that’s only getting louder, what does it mean to be a young man right now? In this episode, Elliott and Joeli speak to Ricardo Barcello, a 19-year-old student and member of the Movember Youth Advisory Board, about what life really feels like for young men today. From gym culture and skincare anxiety to friendship, misogyny, dating and the growing divide between boys and girls, Ricardo brings honesty, empathy and much-needed nuance to the conversation.
June 2 · 59 min
Giving Boys a Better Story with Andrew 'Bernie' Bernard
This week, Elliott is joined by educator and campaigner Andrew “Bernie” Bernard, with Koru Kid's very own Rachel Carrell stepping in brilliantly as co-host. Hold tight for this one, the team are going deep on some big topics and have some genuinely thought-provoking questions to a big conversation about boys, masculinity and the world they’re growing up in. Together, they unpack everything from the manosphere and controlling behaviour to why boys need boundaries, care and, as Bernie puts it, a healthy sense of humour. It's a moving episode that's going to stick with you.
May 26 · 1 hr
THE John Amaechi on men, masculinity and monsters. (Re-Release)
Join Joeli and Elliott as we revisit our conversation with John Amaechi to talk all things sports, identity and masculinity, emphasising the importance of emotional intelligence and intimacy among men. John reflects on his experiences as a latecomer to basketball and how it shaped his understanding of masculinity. They also roll up their sleeves and delve into the societal pressures surrounding masculinity, the need for empathy, and the responsibility of parents and coaches in nurturing healthy relationships. John advocates for a redefinition of masculinity that embraces vulnerability and connection, urging listeners to foster environments where boys can express their emotions freely and develop meaningful relationships: it's right up our street.
May 19 · 1 hr 7 min
The Black Pill: Inside the Ideology Radicalising Young Men Online
Meadhbh Park, author of Blackpilled and expert in countering violent extremism, joins Joeli and Elliott to unpack the ideologies pulling young men towards the darkest corners of the internet. From the nihilistic “black pill” philosophy and incel communities to the mainstream creep of looks-maxing culture and self-optimisation content, she maps the full landscape of the Manosphere and explains why loneliness, not hatred, is often where it all begins.The conversation gets practical too. Meadhbh shares the warning signs parents should watch for, why autistic and socially isolated boys are particularly vulnerable, and what tools can actually help. She also offers a more human portrait of the young men inside these communities than the headlines tend to allow: not monsters, but often deeply broken kids who found their first sense of belonging in the worst possible place.
May 12 · 1 hr 6 min
Live from the Push 4 Paternity Leave March!
Recorded live at Push 4 Paternity Leave, this super special episode captures the vibe that was that day. Consider it another chance to soak up the energy, humour and urgency behind the fight for better parental leave. Expect brilliant speeches, honest stories and a powerful case for why better paternity leave matters for dads, mums, children, relationships and society. In short: two weeks is a joke, and parents deserve more.
May 7 · 43 min
When Boys Care: The Quiet Superpower of Responsibility with Gavin Morgan
Be prepared for a warm heart: Elliott and Joeli are joined by Gavin Morgan, co-CEO of the Scottish charity Growing2gether, whose work pairs teenagers who are struggling with younger children in nurseries and primary schools. We’re exploring what happens when boys are trusted with something real to care about: how responsibility can soften the armour, build confidence, and open the door to connection. From a powerful story of a selectively mute nursery child finding his voice, to practical reflections on presence, belonging, and the kind of community young people are searching for, this episode is a hopeful reminder that boys don’t need “fixing”, they need to be SEEN.
April 28 · 57 min
Men’s Health Strategy Is Not a Poster in a GP Surgery with Professor Paul Galdas
We’re joined by Professor Paul Galdas (University of York), chair of the Men’s Health Academic Network and a key architect of the UK’s men’s health strategy. We dig into why men delay seeking help and why the answer isn’t “men need to do better”, but services that fit how men actually live. From loneliness and deprivation to father-inclusive care, paternity leave, and the post-Manosphere search for meaning, this is a practical episode on what needs to change and what parents can do for the boys in their orbit.
April 21 · 47 min
The Box We Put Men In
Joeli and Elliott sit down with the glorious author of 'Be A Man About It' and men’s health advocate, George Bell to unpack what “man up” really teaches boys and what it costs them later. From emotional literacy and male loneliness to the collapse of community “third spaces”, they explore how parents, schools and role models can help boys ask for help without shame and grow into men who can be strong and soft at the same time. You can get George's superb book here: linktr.ee/georgeybell
April 14 · 40 min
The Manosphere After the Camera Stops
Louis Theroux’s Manosphere documentary asked what is this? This episode asks what do we do now? Joined by NSPCC’s Ineke Houtenbos, we unpack how boys actually encounter Manosphere content, why algorithms reward rage, and what it’s really doing to boys’ mental health and girls’ safety. One for parents looking for what they can do when the internet is shouting louder than they are. Here with some signposts for you: Tackling misogyny masterclass | On-demand training | NSPCC Learning Free online safety webinars for schools | NSPCC Learning Childline | Free counselling service for kids and young people | Childline Contact us | NSPCC Report child abuse | NSPCC Donate to Charity Online | Give to NSPCC today | NSPCC
April 6 · 37 min
Kate Dearden: Day-One Dads, Fair Play & What Comes Next
Day‑one parental rights. Stronger protections at work. An end to silence agreements hiding discrimination. And a serious rethink of how the UK supports parents to actually afford time with their kids. The Employment Rights Act is changing the rules of work and this conversation gets into what that really means for dads, mums, self‑employed parents, kinship carers and families trying to stay afloat. From paternity leave that finally starts on day one, to flexible working that employers can’t just dismiss, to the long‑overdue review of parental leave and pay, we dig into where the system is shifting, where it still falls short, and what comes next. This is about fairness, dignity, and whether work in the UK is finally starting to catch up with real life. Check out the following resources: New employment rights: Guidance for businesses and workers - providing guidance for employers and workers Make Work Pay - GOV.UK - where you can find consultations and policy papers relating to the government's Make Work Pay initiative
March 31 · 51 min
Joe Wicks Counters With Some Positive Masculinity...
Joe Wicks, is a GOOD MAN – the type we're glad to role model to our boys. And Hark! Lucky us, he joins To Be A Boy for a powerful conversation about boys, body image, gym culture, social media pressure and modern fatherhood. The man is home schooling his four children alongside his wife and we love that for them. From growing up without a male role model to becoming a PE teacher to millions, Joe reflects on how movement can support boys’ mental health and when fitness culture can tip into obsession and explores how parents can help boys grow into kind, emotionally healthy men, not just strong bodies. A must‑listen for anyone raising boys in a world full of algorithms, abs and unrealistic expectations.
March 24 · 53 min
Fatherhood Is Not a Side Quest: Dr. Anna Machin on Raising Boys & Saving Society
Joeli and Elliott dive into the biology, psychology and sheer chaos of fatherhood with evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin. They look at the wild hormonal rewiring, brain upgrades and instinctive nurturing behaviours that kick in when men become fathers. Spoiler: testosterone drops, oxytocin rises, and suddenly dad is biologically primed to bond, care and spot danger like a caffeinated meerkat. From rough‑and‑tumble play (which is apparently developmental gold) to the hidden crisis of UK paternity leave, this episode tackles the science behind why dads matter. We also explore the big issues shaping boyhood today: fatherlessness, social father figures, resilience, emotional development, toxic masculinity myths, and why youth clubs disappearing is basically society shooting itself in the foot. This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies. From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK. Find out more here: ⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/49y19rl⁠⁠
March 17 · 44 min
Under 16s vs Social Media: Kanishka Narayan MP, Online Safety Minister Enters the Chat
The UK is deciding whether to ban under‑16s from social media, and we’ve got the Online Safety Minister in the hot seat but before that they chew the fat on THAT vote in parliament and who’s right in the knock ginger/knock-a-door run debate… Elliott and Joeli grill Kanishka Narayan on screen‑time addiction, bullying, harmful content, porn regulation, school‑wide phone bans, and whether often-times glacial governments stand a chance of keeping up with tech giants. If you care about kids, policy or your own scrolling habits, thisone’s for you. Parents are invited to access the online safety hubhere: https://www.educateagainsthate.com/online-safety-parent-hub/ And the online consultation here: http://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/growing-up-in-the-online-world-a-national-consultation This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcaremarketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies. From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK. Find out more here: ⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/49y19rl⁠⁠
March 10 · 50 min
Social Media Showdown: Should Teens Log Off for Good?
Join this lively debate with Joeli and Elliott, as experts Sonia Livingstone and Susie Davies tackle the hot topic of social media bans for under-16s in the UK. Discover the pros and cons of digital consent age, the impact on mental health, and the role of parents in navigating the digital landscape. The gloves are off! (No experts were harmed in the recording of this episode.) This episode is supported by Koru Kids, a childcare marketplace helping busy families find brilliant, trusted part time nannies. From school pickups to homework, dinner and winding down, Koru Kids gives parents some easy days in their week, with vetted, trained nannies across the UK. Find out more here: ⁠⁠http://bit.ly/49y19rl⁠⁠