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Thot Topics

Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.

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#230
Friday · 1 hr 6 min
The Shea Couleé Foundation for Forgiving Shangela!
Well, girls, we've come full circle. If you can believe it, almost SEVEN YEARS AGO, we discussed the exact same motherfucking Slayyyter tweets on the very first episode of Thot Topics. And the solution to the situation has not changed: shut the fuck up and fuck me! This week, the gals go deep on RACISM. Who's got it? Who wants it? And who will be its best and brightest STAR? We talk about the white suburbs, the early Internet, being a teenager, being a screenager, and the politics of dragging her and reading her. Honestly I think we solve cancel culture in one go. But that's not all: we discuss ABRUPTLY STOPPING MY MEDS, FELINE DENTAL PROCEDURES, and so much more. Buckle up hunty! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Donate to Shea Couleé because she's clearly struggling on Patreon.
#229
October 13 · 16 min
Catalytic Conversion Therapy! (Preview)
Subscribe to the Thot Topics Patreon for the full episode: patreon.com/thottopics Another entry into the Nick's Unending Misery episode canon! This week, the girls discuss yet another instance of VEHICLE DESTRUCTION and CAR PART THEFT in the totally upside-down world that we live in. Join us as we navigate the hellish labyrinth of INSURANCE, THE SURVEILLANCE STATE, THE NON-EMERGENCY HELPLINE, and countless other broken institutions you god damn BITCH!!!! Lighter, smaller potatoes are on offer at the end though: we review the new Grimes single ACCELERANDO, the new Slayyyter track, and Cece Natalie's shall we say interesting return to music with FLOOD WHOLE TOWNS. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Donate to the Nick Malone Psychic Relief Fund on Patreon.
#228
October 4 · 1 hr 8 min
Tinaurshe!
Secure your wig sis, a new episode is coming... The world is attempting to carry out a Tinashe revolution, so naturally we needed to assess the historical situation and international implications. This week, the girls go deep on POPSTAR, the critically acclaimed new album from a longtime enemy of the pod, and we attempt to process the information with open minds and hearts. Anyone can cook, but what about a bitch who has tested us time and time again? The truth reveals itself. But that's not all: MALE BISEXUALITY and why hetero women refuse to accept it. If you're obsessed with dick, and I'm obsessed with dick, who the hell is flying the plane? We discuss the Dumb Bitch Monologues. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Be a nasty girl on Patreon for just $5 a month.
#227
September 21 · 1 hr 9 min
Rose Bean Machine!
It's Rose Bean Polanksy Monday, put your Rose Bean Polanskys in the sky! We are back as fuck baby!! This week, the girls conquer the question on everyone's mind, reporting live from the People's Republic of Macklemoreistan: should Ed Sheeran be KILLED for his crimes against humanity? We are prepared to issue judgement. Send in the executioner hunni! But that is not all: we test our knowledge of the human population and their Spotify listening habits, and psychoanalyze the listeners of the top 5 most streamed artists in the world right now. Plus, a girly little catchup convo that's sure to rivet. Now shut the fuck up and fuck me! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. "Pop some tags" on Patreon.
#226
September 9 · 10 min
Healing Your Inner Chile! (Preview)
PATRONS ONLY!! Subscribe for full access at patreon.com/thottopics. Welcome to the Thot Topics Radical Self-Love Hour, brought to you by Tampax Pearl. I just shoved the talking stick up my pussy! {BOMB DETONATES} Bring your spirit and buss it open because we're plunging deep! We do a little bit of everyone's FAVORITE topic: the neverending war on our personal VICES. When the going gets fat and nathty, what's a heffa to do? We discuss WATCHED-OVER POTS, MISSING ROTH IRA DAY AT SCHOOL, and so much more. I'm sure some people are going to find this segment gratuitous but I really needed to get this stuff out y'all! Then it's onto the business end of the animal: LINDSAY CLANCY and female true crime hysteria. Should she be sent to the SLAMMER, or should we give her a pussy hat and let her vote for Hillary? We get to the bottom of the matter with our admittedly limited knowledge on the subject. Truth nuke incoming! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Finance our recurring visits to the psychiatric doctor on Patreon.
#225
August 7 · 13 min
Ariana Foie Grasnde (Preview)
**PATRONS ONLY** Full ep available at patreon.com/thottopics! Just like EVERY fucking WEEK! Alternate title: Music, F*ggots, Film..... We are BACK! And All-Star rules are in full effect... ladies get ready to cut loose & let the truth fly! This week is all about the vicious spread of BODY HORROR across America this week, all the blood and bones and slices and dices hunni. There's obviously much to be discussed. First, we give our two cents on MUSIC FASHION FILM, the new Charli XCX album that has unfortunately NOT grown on us with time... But then, things get really gnarly: Ariana Grande's pointy clavicle and the fear for young skinny women everywhere, and Perez Hilton's bloody meltdown on IG Live. We issue a formal diagnosis for all parties and are ready to cut a prescription. But that's not all: Nick has a mental breakdown of her own! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Get it get it get it get it mix it and mix it and mix it and mix it on Patreon.
#224
July 14 · 1 hr 8 min
Madonkey of the Day!
Welcome to Madonnald's, Will You Be Using Your Mobile App Today? Call it podcasting... call it Internet Radio... call it love without words! Put your listening ears and your dancing shoes on because it's time to CONFESS! This week, we are talking about MADONNA and CONFESSIONS 2 and the meteoric rise of Old Ho Summer. Get into the groove baby. But that's not all: this episode really got away from us somewhere along the way and it goes in so many different and upsetting directions... getting into an altercation with a cyclist... anxiety management tactics and the fear of mass violence... the 5 Madonna songs Nick would request for a private concert... and so much more. I fear to say more. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Create a new persona on Patreon.
#223
June 24 · 1 hr 15 min
Palantir Jerkers! (Unlocked)
Previously only for patrons! One of my favorite eps of ours in a while... PLEASE enjoy and PLEASE subscribe on Patreon you dumb-dumb!! Join now for a bonus episode every week, and a paywalled ep every other week! PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Sniff you love someone... let them go... Welcome BACK to the Thot Topics Sex Positivity Labs, where it's NOT illegal to be supa gay and whorney! Grab a beaker and assume the position: this is going to be a highly experimental treatment... In another classic episode dedicated to the art & science of homosexuality, we uncover the secrets to ENJOYING BEING AROUND OTHER GAY PEOPLE when you thought all hope was lost. Is there lowkey an importance to identifying with a "tribe" of gays? Is it, in fact, pleasant to be around gay people? When? Where? And most importantly: would anyone like some stew? But then: the REAL business at hand. We discuss the $100M buy-in to SNIFFIES by THE MATCH GROUP. This is a complex issue, so we provide a complete anal history of what happened to Grindr, what happened to gay guys in their childhoods, and so much more. It's a masterclass in knowing better than other people. Then, we sort of review ZENZEALIA, but mostly mourn the loss of female rap. What the hell happened? We issue our final word. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Meet us in the bathroom on Patreon!!
#222
May 26 · 1 hr 8 min
Podcasting in A Minor!
And now, we'll hear a few rousing words from our Breast Man... WE ARE SO BACK! Welcome to deeeeluxe hour of Thot Topics excellence brought to you by Aubrey Graham of Toronto, Canada. There's so much to discuss, so whatcha waitin' for? This week, we discuss DRAKE DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, and issue our highly valued gay male opinion on RAP MUSIC. Maid of Honour and the other ones... so many thoughts to be shared. Plus, Nick recaps his ICELANDIC ADVENTURE and issues a state of the union address regarding his thoughts on America after a time away. That's not all though: we also chat about the new Charli XCX single ROCK MUSIC: whether or not it's a sign of good things to come, or if we have really lost our girl in the depths of the sauce. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Donate to Kendrick Lamar's NAMBLA initiative on Patreon.
#221
March 29 · 1 hr 17 min
Troubled Pairofdykes!
IT'S WUR$T GIRL WEEK! PUTCHA DRINKS UP!!! LADIES, WHO ON THEY PERIOD!?! It's a big week for us in the Thot Topics Universe-- a new SLAYYYTER album is finally upon us and we go as deep as humanly possible on all 14 tracks. Hold on to your it because it's about to be cranked! But that's certainly not all: a little bit of girly chitchat is in order regarding WEDDINGS, TAILORING, and THE GREATEST TWEETS OF ALL TIME. We hope you left room for dessert mama because we've got seconds in the oven! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. What is it like, to pay us five dollars on Patreon?
#220
March 14 · 1 hr 9 min
Le Nookie Di Figaro!
Why it gotta be ARABesque girl!?! We're back and our form on the barre is than ever. Are you ready to kornbread jete onto center stage for a tasty weekend of Thot Topicking? There's SO MUCH on our minds this week... First, Nick has a few thoughts on his mind regarding THE VENMO/CASHAPP/ZELLE RACIAL DIVIDE and whether it's appropriate to bring your Nintendo Switch to work. We do a little bit of Critical Race Theory and a little bit of DEI while we're at it. But naturally there's more... In the final rush to OSCARS NIGHT, we issue our final official predictions for the turnout and issue a conspiracy theory of our own. Are the powers that be trying to thwart Chalamet? DOES anyone give a fuck about opera or ballet? SHOULD they? We unpack it all hunni. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Pliése give us five dollars on Patreon.
#219
February 27 · 1 hr 8 min
28 Years Slayyyter!
The chile in me sees the chile in you... now, together, we can finally heal... Whether your daddy's in jail raising hell or your sister's on the corner selling something for sale, we've got something for YOU on this riveting episode of Thot Topics Podcast. But what's on the menu? I'm so very glad you asked... This week, we talk about THE ART OF FUJOING OUT: what makes gay guy sex so fun to straight women? Are the gay guys in the minds of the slash fiction enjoyer even gay guys? WHO CARES? Today, we do. More thoughts on Heated Rivalry and chick porn abound... But that's not all sweetheart: we talk about TOURETTE'S AT THE BAFTAs and a fun return to Obamastyle Twitter-- should you be punished for knowing about the N word and having Tourette's? The answer may surprise you... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Fund our own Heated Rivalry remake on Patreon.
#218
February 9 · 1 hr 7 min
Debby Tirarmasfotos!
Bunny is a Rider? I thought he was Puerto Rican... FUCK! It's a Sunday... thankfully we've got a big beautiful brand new episode for precious little Thot Topics listeners all over the globe. It's coming right up so you better get this party started! First, we issue formal comment on Nick getting dragged within an inch of his life on Twitter by people who really enjoy the work of auteur filmmaker "Markiplier." We review IRON LUNG in earnest, and revisit CUTIES... the movie that makes you a pedophile! But that's not all: we get into the GRAMMYS and unpack all the winners and the many many many losers. It's a blast from start to finish... get to listenin'! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Please welcome Debby to the stage on Patreon.
#217
January 16 · 1 hr 14 min
A Pawg's Purpose!
WALK A MILE IN OUR LOUBOUTINS... JOIN THE PATREON TODAY FOR A WEEKLY BONUS EPISODE AND BIWEEKLY PREMIUM EPS! ONLY 5 BUCKS YOUNG HO! When the pawg hits the conflicts he feels like a king. What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight and he'll win the whole thing... HAPPY JANTEENTH! Gather around the fireplace our little nieces and nephews because it's time for a story about a little black girl from the Brewster projects of Detroit, Michigan. This week, white girl rap is on the brain: we unpack SUNSHINE BENZI and Robyn's new song SEXISTENTIAL. What sort of white girl rap is the world willing to accept right now? What kind of white girl makes the perfect rapper? ALL is revealed in our ultimate theory... But that's not all-- we run down the list of GOLDEN GLOBES winners and make some light predictions for Oscar season, mourn the loss of our gaydars, and sooooo much more. Fasten your skeetbelt! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Walk a mile in our louboutins on Patreon.
#216
Dec 31, 2025 · 1 hr 31 min
Thotline 10: Ringtoney Hawk's Pro Sgayter!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THOTS AROUND THE WORLD! In our final episode of 2025. we open up the Thotline to our precious listeners to hear their pressing questions as 2020-SEX looms large over us all. Gays and women and the others who love them loose their lips (both sets!) to let their voices be heard. But that's not all: we also issue our formal prognosis for the new year-- the year of the WHORSE! What's to come in the New Year? Horsing around? Laboring hard in the fields of life? Advanced, complex nail care? We gaze into our crystal ball and see what's juicy. More to come on this week's aftershow, Thotline 10.5 for patrons only! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Purchase an Alicia Key for the new year on Patreon.
#215
Dec 5, 2025 · 1 hr 29 min
Puck My Goal!
CALL THE NEW YEARS' THOTLINE NOW! LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL AT ‪(773) 242-7242‬, or EMAIL US AT THOTTOPICSPOD@GMAIL.COM. DEADLINE IS DECEMBER 15. Puck this ass Hollander! Puck it! It's a winter wonderland in the Thot Topics studio and we are in the spirit of giving: CUNT, that is! There's so much to get into, and there's no time like the PRESENT... LOOOL First, we review the gay hockey program that is licking and sucking and fondling the nation: HEATED RIVALRY. Why are the guys not even hot? Why did they bother with the hockey? Why do straight girls want to watch straight guys rail? We recommend a visual of Rachel Reid to enjoy fully. Then, it's WRAPPED SEASON, so we look back on the 15 defining songs of 2025 for each girl. I'll warn you it was a very LGBT year, but we have fun anyway looking back on a year of musical triumph. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Take a slapshot on our tight little goal on Patreon.
#214
Oct 25, 2025 · 1 hr 21 min
The Chic Shall Inherit the Earth!
{Rina Sawayama voice} Um, do you want to explain why you think that's funny? Seriously, we'll all wait. I'd love to hear what you think is so funny about that. No just explain the joke. Like what's so funny? IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY TO LISTEN TO THOT TOPICS!!! Wouldn't you agree? Whatever your answer is we're coming to ratatat on those little eardrums one way or another you dirty, dirty girl! This week, the girls unpack the etymology of "TREATLER" and attempt to self-diagnose. We are medical professionals after all. But then it's down to biz! We talk about Rina Sawayama's cultural appropriation allegations against Sabrina Carpenter. Who left their WHORE shoes on in my beautiful Japanese home??? Then, we pull out our dark crystals (you don't want to know where from) and SCRY the night away, into the future of MUSIC JOURNALISM: specifically, is Pitchfork making a huge mistake allowing user ratings? Will the STAN kill the CRITIC, or have they already? It's a serious investigation luv... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Take your shoes off at the door on Patreon. And in the spirit of this week's topic, why not leave us a review? :P
#213
Oct 14, 2025 · 1 hr 7 min
One Bald Ho After Another!
Wait, PTA stands for Paul Thomas Anderson? I thought it stood for Pits Tits and Ass. A lot of things are coming together for me now Anyway we are INDEED back again for another riveting episode of THOT TOPICS! This week, the girls stare down the barrel of their 28th birthday and ponder what that year is supposed to be all about. YAY another episode about our problematic relationship with our tight little bodies!! But then it's down to business. We watch the trailer for Rachel Sennott's zillennial voice-of-a-generation show I LOVE LA and make some predictions for its future. We also try to make it to the end of the teaser for Charli XCX's THE MOMENT without having an epileptic attack and dying. Naturally, there's SO much more, but you'll just have to listen, won't you... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Join the revolution on Patreon.
#212
Sep 22, 2025 · 1 hr 7 min
Just Another Gay Guy Friday!
Find the moo girl! Find the moo! It may be Minoxidil Monday now, but this transmission was recorded on a beautiful Gay Guy Friday which rolled leisurely into the wee hours of Straight Guy Saturday. It's nice to look back on previous moments of pleasure and joy, ain't it? This week, the girls play a riveting round of TRUTH OR DRINK, devising the structure of the P.N.O. (Perfect Night Out), pondering their most expensive mistakes, and recounting fashion disasters of yesteryear. But not before a review of AM I THE DRAMA? the new "musical recording" by Cardi B, a discussion of our fraught relationship with SPOTIFY, and so much more. Grab a rag because it's gonna be a very juicy hour. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Enable us to continue cracking open cold ones on Patreon.
#211
Sep 10, 2025 · 1 hr 9 min
Gyatt Burglars!
Who up bipping they burger? Who need they burger bipped? WELCOME to another beautiful, breezy, cool and calm Thot Topics Autumn. The air conditioner is off, the vibes are on, and untold cuntyliciousness lies just beyond the play button... The ideas discussed this week are so compelling and so unique that we're honestly jealous of you that you get to listen. This week, the girls discuss the evil spirit lurking inside of JORDAN FIRSTMAN, speculate on the lives of some other famous gays, and brace ourselves for the upcoming Rachel Sennott show which appears to be DOA. Then, we discuss the peacemaking ritual between Ice Spice & Latto, including what some critics are calling a "song." Naturally, that's not all, but we recorded this a few days ago and I already don't really remember what we talked about. Surely, you'll enjoy as much as we did mama. LOVE 2 ALL in the Thot Nation... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Donate to Cardi B's legal fund on Patreon.

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