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The Way You Show Up

Kimberly Beam Holmes, PhD

Most people are living a version of themselves that they never choose.

You've been showing up for your spouse, your kids, and your career—but you've been doing it on autopilot. You're living within a ceiling built by your past and sustained by your habits.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Tuesday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

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Thursday · 26 min
How To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse So Much
Click here to submit your questions to be on the show! https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 Eight towels. Two blankets. Zero Amazon gift cards. That's what my husband came home with after I asked him to do one thing. So here's my question for you: how would you have responded in that moment? Most people go one of three ways. Laugh it off. Snap and say "I asked you to do ONE thing." Or start diagnosing your spouse with weaponized incompetence and building a whole story around it. I would have picked the middle one four years into my marriage. Not anymore. Because one fight about towels won't end a marriage. It's the rupture that happens over and over and never gets repaired. That's what breaks people apart. In this episode I walk through what I actually did instead, and why "if you don't have anything nice to say" might be the most underrated marriage advice in the South. Then we get into Solving Marriage Mysteries. A woman whose husband just filed for divorce while they're still living in the same house with five kids, and she can't figure out how to stay calm. A man standing for his wife who is deep in limerence and just went through an abortion, asking if there's any hope left. And a wife whose husband wants a separation while they're having the best sex of their marriage, wondering if she's about to be used. Those answers are honest. Some of them are hard. After that we open Luke 9:23 through 26 in Study Scripture With Me. The disciples had a very specific expectation of who the Messiah was supposed to be. Jesus was about to disappoint every bit of it. And what he offered instead was better than anything they had imagined. Deny yourself. Take up your cross daily. Follow me. That's not a group assignment. In the original Greek it's personal. Singular. Yours. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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September 3 · 35 min
I Knew I Should've Kept My Mouth Shut...
Resources Mentioned 👀 The 24 Hour Repair Clock: https://bit.ly/4iaXPIF Click here to submit questions: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 I knew I shouldn't have done it. I did it anyway. Twice in one day. First I blew out my knee doing double unders I had no business doing. Then I blew up a conversation with my husband over something I should have let go. Fourteen years of teaching this stuff. And I still said the sassy thing. Then I said the second sassy thing, the one that turned a fine moment into a fight. Here's what I want you to hear. We didn't fix it before bed. We fixed it the next day, on my drive home from the gym, hobbling instead of running. That's the point. The goal was never perfection. The goal is knowing when to repair. Every marriage tears. Like a meniscus. What separates the couples who make it isn't that they stop tearing. It's that they notice fast and repair fast, over and over, for years. In this episode: Why I pushed when I knew better, and what a push actually looks like in real time. Solving Marriage Mysteries with three questions from around the world. New Zealand asks whether no contact or contact with pushes does more damage. The Philippines asks how to handle an in-house separation when your husband is emotionally involved with someone else. Perth asks how to work on your PIES when a chronic illness limits what your body can do. Study Scripture With Me on Matthew 6:19-21. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. And what that has to do with how you spend your days. Then the Hot Seat, where I blind-rank ten things people say to their spouse from bad to worst. I got stumped early. Stay strong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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August 27 · 45 min
I don't even know who I am anymore...
Resources Mentioned In This Episode: Follow Lucas LeFevre on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucasplefevre/ Sign up for the Solo Spouse Masterclass: https://bit.ly/3SD36yn Submit your questions here! https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 "I don't even know who I am anymore." I heard it over and over in a coaching lab a few weeks ago, and it broke my heart. Different people. Different stories. Same sentence. You didn't lose yourself overnight. You gave yourself away one yes at a time. To a marriage. To a family. To a career. To everyone who told you who you were supposed to be. And then one morning you woke up and couldn't find yourself anywhere in it. I've been there. A few years ago I took a four month sabbatical. Deleted the email apps. Deleted Slack. Stopped working entirely. And the first thing I felt wasn't peace. It was terror. Because my biggest fear was that everything would be fine without me. Then my pastor asked a question that wrecked me: Who were you before the world told you different? In this episode I share what happened when I actually sat with that question. The 10 minute journaling practice that broke it open. The thought that broke through. The book that changed everything. And the vision God gave me that I never would have found if I hadn't stopped. If you feel lost right now, this one's for you. Also in this episode: Solving Marriage Mysteries. Three of your questions answered. Is 16 months too long to save a marriage. What to do when your spouse says he's done but still says he loves you. And what a husband should do when he finally wakes up and she's already checked out. Study Scripture With Me. John 3:25-30. John the Baptist knew exactly who he was and exactly who he wasn't, and his joy was complete either way. Unpopular Opinions. Why life isn't about being happy. Why physical attraction has almost nothing to do with how you look. And why almost no one is a narcissist and everyone is a narcissist. Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. Be persistent. God is a Father who gives good gifts. Comment below and tell me what you want to see more of on this show. I read every single one. Share this with someone who needs it. Until next week, stay strong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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August 20 · 41 min
Why You're Not Healing EMOTIONALLY
Referenced in this episode: Episode on Feedback: https://youtu.be/NnAZXA32dqc Click Here to Submit Your Questions: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 You have emotional wounds you can't trace. You don't know where they came from. You just know something hurts every time life bends the wrong way. I scraped my knee in a hotel gym in Taiwan and had no idea how I did it. But for days after, every squat, every step, I felt it. That's exactly how emotional wounds work. Here's what most people miss. Your body forms a scab for a reason. It protects the wound so the skin underneath can heal. Rip it off, and you don't heal faster. You scar. Most of us are ripping ours off constantly. Every time we feel angry. Every time we get defensive. Every time we let one person's comment define who we are. In this episode, I walk through the four stages of healing an emotional wound. Protection. Repair. Clearing. Drop off. Protection is your feelings signaling that something needs care. Repair is the hard work most people skip. Clearing is getting the voices out of your head that never should have been let in. Drop off is what happens when you finally heal instead of scar. I also share the moment someone told me I didn't have what it takes to do this work, and what my dad said that changed how I heard it. Then we get into Solving Marriage Mysteries, where I answer three of your questions, including whether there's still hope when your spouse is convinced you're toxic and why Marriage Helper isn't counseling. Plus Study Scripture With Me in Genesis 12, where Abram brings Lot along even though God told him to leave his father's house. God doesn't give Abram the promise until Lot is gone. What are you still carrying that God never asked you to bring? And my kids take the hot seat. Let's see if I taught them anything. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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August 13 · 32 min
I Asked My Husband What Most Men Get Wrong In Marriage
Submit Your Questions for the Q&A Segment: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 Most husbands have no idea what they're doing wrong. Not because they don't care. Because they're convinced emotions are supposed to follow logic. She shouldn't feel disrespected when I correct her grammar. She should thank me for telling her the idea was bad. That's not cruelty. That's a man trying to run a relationship like a system. Today I put my husband Rob on the hot seat and asked him the questions I usually get asked. What actually makes a marriage happy. What men do without realizing it's destroying things. Where husbands go when they stop talking to their wives. Whether he agrees with everything I teach. He doesn't. And he says so. He also talks about the hardest season we ever went through, the year we spent apart, and the man he became when he got back. I share the moment I stopped trying to manage his emotions and started working on my own. That shift changed everything, and not in the way I expected. Then we study Psalm 13 together. It's the psalm for the seasons when God feels silent. When you're begging for an answer and getting nothing back. I talk about Mother Teresa's journals, the practice of stacking stones, and why looking backward is sometimes the only way forward. And I'm back on the hot seat, answering your rapid fire questions. This week Jason had me hold a plank the entire time. I made it 4 minutes and 23 seconds and he ran out of questions before I ran out of arms. Keep sending the questions. Just go easy on me. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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August 6 · 29 min
When Someone You Love Goes Distant
Referenced in this Episode 👀 Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://bit.ly/3PPVE1C Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage Fast: https://youtu.be/GxRUPCSELq8 Submit Your Questions for the Q&A Segment: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 Save My Marriage Course Waitlist: https://bit.ly/3RBHr9n Most people try to reconnect by talking about the relationship. That's exactly why it doesn't work. You sit them down. You bring up the distance. You ask them how they're feeling. And they shut down harder than before. I did that with my husband for years. Coffee. Serious face. "Can we talk about us?" It never once went the way I hoped. What finally worked was something much smaller. In this episode, I walk through the three steps I used to reconnect with my husband ten years ago. It's also the same three steps I just used with my 11 year old daughter. Step one. Make intentional time. Not them. You. If you're the one who sees the gap, you're the one who takes the first step to close it. That means putting down the thing that pulls you away. The phone. The work. The hobby. Whatever it is for you. Step two. Get interested in what they're interested in. Not what you wish they cared about. Not what you want to do together. What lights them up. People who don't feel safe talking about their fears will still talk for an hour about the thing they love. Step three. Start with something fun so it can go somewhere deep. Laughter comes before honesty. Safety comes before vulnerability. You cannot skip to the hard conversation and expect them to meet you there. For me and my daughter, it was nachos and the World Cup. For me and my husband, it was Renaissance festivals and a shooting range. It works in every relationship. Marriage. Kids. Anyone you've drifted from. If the connection is weak, you move closer to the source. Also in this episode: I answer three of your questions, including what to do when your spouse distrusts therapy, how to reconcile when you no longer share the same view of marriage, and what to do when you're doing all the work alone and running out of steam. Then we read Psalm 73 together in Study Scripture With Me, and I take on the Hot Seat while holding a wall sit longer than I should have. Walk. Don't run. There is still hope. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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July 30 · 42 min
This Mental State Hurts You AND Your Marriage
Learn more about the Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://marriagehelper.com/couples-workshop/ You are such an idiot. That is what I said to myself. Out loud. For days. Over a pair of AirPods. I left the case on my bumper, drove off, and lost them. Second time I've lost a case. The first time I mailed it away in an Amazon return box. And I spent the next week beating myself up about it. Here's the problem with that. The things you think don't stay in your head. They move to your heart. They come out of your mouth. And when you think badly about yourself, you start thinking badly about everyone around you. What you think about is what you keep thinking about. So make it good. In this episode, I talk about how to break the negative self-talk spiral and actually move forward instead of ruminating. Then we get into your questions. How do you show a reluctant spouse you're a safe place when the only contact you have is sporadic texts about money? Short answer, you can't manufacture the opportunity. But you can be a good steward of the ones you get. Are kids really resilient after divorce? They are. But they shouldn't have to be. I get honest about why so many people repeat that line, and what the research actually says about kids growing up in high conflict co-parenting. And what do you do when your spouse says he's leaving so the kids won't have to watch a bad marriage? Fix the marriage. That is the model your kids need. Two people going through something hard and figuring out how to repair it. In Study Scripture With Me, I'm in 1 Samuel 28. Saul goes to a medium at Endor because God stopped answering him. David asks for the ephod and waits. Two men asking God the same kind of question. One wanting permission, one wanting direction. If God agrees with everything you want to do, it might be worth asking who you're actually listening to. Then we close with the hot seat. Ten words or less. Including one piece of advice I've given for years that I've had to correct. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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July 23 · 36 min
What To Do When You Feel Like A Failure
I failed my driver's test before I ever pulled out of the parking lot. Sixteen years old. Red Miata convertible. The one thing I wanted more than anything. Gone in under a minute. I sat through the rest of that test convinced I could win her over. I couldn't. And all I could think about was that everyone at school was going to know. All my friends were going to know. I was the girl who failed. I've been driving for twenty years now. I almost never think about it. Here's what I want you to hear. You will fail at things. People will judge you for it. I'm not going to sit here and promise you that everyone is kind and nobody is watching, because that isn't true. Sometimes they are watching. Sometimes they are judging. But you only get two options. Sit in it and let it define you. Or decide what you do next. Maybe right now the failure everyone can see is your marriage. Your spouse left. You're the one sitting alone at church. Your kids are struggling and people notice. It feels like your whole life is on display and you're the cautionary tale. You still get to decide what comes next. Also in this episode, I'm answering your questions. How do you carry the emotional pain of a spouse who has been unfaithful and is telling people lies about you. Why your husband may be hiding the truth from you, and the uncomfortable question you have to ask yourself before trust can ever get rebuilt. Fair warning, this is the kind of answer that gets me hate mail. What to do when your spouse moves back home but sleeps in the guest room and clearly isn't there for the marriage. Then Coach Meredith joins me to talk about what she's seeing inside the Coaching Lab, why people make progress faster in groups, and how much it changes things when someone finally notices you're growing. In Study Scripture With Me, we're in Psalm 23. I walked that terrain in Israel and it completely changed how I read this psalm. Sheep don't lie down because you make them. Sheep lie down because they feel safe. That one detail reframes the entire thing. And in the Hot Seat, I answered rapid fire questions while doing burpees. We still don't agree on how many I actually did. You will fail. Things will not go as planned. People will judge you. Get back up, drive forward, and prove them wrong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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July 16 · 38 min
Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage Fast
Everyone wants to sprint through the hard part of marriage. I understand why. When there's been infidelity. When trust has been broken. When you feel more like roommates than husband and wife. You want it over as fast as you possibly can. But I'll tell you something that surprises a lot of people. The faster a reconciliation happens, the bigger the red flag it is to me. Marriage was never meant to be a sprint. It's a marathon. In this episode, I share what running has taught me about the hardest seasons of a relationship. You don't run the hills. You walk them. Because when you try to summit a hill as fast as you can, you reach the top exhausted, overexerted, and ready to quit. But when you walk it, slow and intentional, you get to the top with enough left in you to keep going. That's what I want for your marriage. Not just surviving until death do you part. Actually enjoying each other the whole way there. Then we get into your questions. How do you know when you've stood long enough after a divorce, and what's the difference between standing around and actually moving forward. What to do when your spouse files and you're the one who removed the obstacle. And how to hold onto your marriage when your spouse walks away from the faith that once held you both together. We also open the word together in Psalm 139. A study on the God who searches you, knows every part of you, and still calls you fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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July 9 · 56 min
3 Hidden Triggers Behind Every Argument You Have
You think the fight was about the medicine. It wasn't. It was never about the medicine, the dishes, the text you forgot to send, or who said what first. Every argument you've ever had walked in carrying three invisible passengers. Your past. Your personality. Your point of view. And your spouse brought their own three into the room, too. In this video, I break down what's actually happening inside both people the moment a conversation starts to heat up. Why something as small as "please pick up my prescription" can turn into a full-blown rupture in under thirty seconds. I'll walk you through the exact fight my husband and I had over a grocery run. What I felt. What he felt. And the three things I did in the hour after to flip it. Calm down. Get curious instead of furious. Lean in. Because here's the truth. You can't put the egg back in the shell once it cracks. But you can decide what happens next. You can clean it up and pretend it never happened. Or you can flip it and make something out of it. That's the difference between a rupture that quietly ends a marriage and a repair that makes it stronger. And it's rarely the big betrayals that break people. It's the small cracks in the day-to-day that nobody ever goes back to fix. I'll show you how to spot your three, understand theirs, and turn the next heated moment into a repair instead of a wound. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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July 2 · 50 min
The One Thing I Did That Saved My Marriage (It Wasn’t Couples Therapy)
DM me the word PIES for a chance to have your question read! https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes You can't change your spouse. You can't change your circumstances. But you can change you. And it turns out that's the only thing that ever actually works. A few years ago, I was working 100-hour weeks. My marriage was falling apart. And one morning I ended up on my bathroom floor after another fight, thinking, "I can't do this anymore." That was the day everything shifted. Not because I walked away. Because I finally stopped waiting for everyone else to change and started with me. This is the very first episode of The Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes Show. And I'm handing you the exact framework I used that morning and still use today. It's called the PIES. Physical. Intellectual. Emotional. Spiritual. The four areas of your life you actually get to control. The place the love path begins. I break down what each one really means, how to take honest stock of yours right now, and why becoming your best self is only the start of falling back in love. Then we get into your questions. A woman married 41 years who's never been in love. A separated spouse wondering why anyone would ever come back. A husband asking whether God changes hearts. We open up 1 Samuel 15 together. We survive the hot seat. And I give you your very first challenge of the week. This is just the beginning. Stay strong. Click here to apply to work directly with myself and Dr. Joe: https://bit.ly/4b2PwKw I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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June 23 · 23 min
When Everything Is NOT Fine
You know that meme. The dog sitting in a room that's completely on fire, saying "this is fine." What do you do when that's actually your life? In this video, I want to talk about the thing most of us do when something hard is sitting right in the middle of our path. We avoid it. We walk around it. We wait for it to move on its own. But here's what I've learned. The obstacle is the way. The conversation you've been dreading for months, maybe even years. The boundary you're scared to set. The thing you keep skipping because it's uncomfortable. That's usually the exact thing you need to do to grow. I'll share the story of a hike that did not go as planned, the conversation with my sister I put off for 20 years, and the difference between having a hard conversation for personal gain versus relationship gain. Because most of the time, the thing you're avoiding isn't the end of you. It's the start of the strength you didn't know you had. So today, ask yourself: what's the hard thing you keep walking around? Then go do it. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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June 16 · 14 min
The One Thing All Successful People Know
Everybody wants the hack. The pill. The shortcut. The version of success that happens while you sleep. I get it. I've wanted it too. But after years of researching motivation, self-esteem, and what it actually takes to reach a goal, here's the truth most people don't want to hear. There is no hack. The one thing every successful person has in common isn't talent or luck or some secret system. It's that they run toward the hard thing instead of away from it. In this video I tell you about the headache that wouldn't quit for two and a half weeks, the 18 needles it took to finally fix it, and why that pain taught me everything about how people actually change. Avoiding the hard conversation won't save your relationship. Working around the problem won't get you the promotion. The thing you're most scared to face is the exact thing standing between you and what you want. The obstacle is the way. I'll also walk you through the PIES framework. Physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual. Four areas to look at honestly so you can find the one that's quietly holding you back right now. Stop trying to go around it. Go through it. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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June 9 · 25 min
I Feel Like The Sacrifice God Hasn't Used Yet
I felt cut open and exposed. Not metaphorically. Like I had poured out every single thing I had and was just lying there, waiting on God to move. The last two years have been some of the hardest of my life. My dad's cancer. Financial stress. A lot of change all at once. I got to the end of my rope and thought, God, I've given everything I know how to give. Now what? Then I opened up Genesis 15. If you've studied this chapter, you know it's where God makes a covenant with Abraham. The cut-open animals. The blazing torch. The smoking firepot. Most people read right past it. But once you understand what's actually happening, it changes everything. In this video, I walk through that story. The covenant Abraham was too afraid to walk through. The deep, dreadful darkness that fell over him. And the moment God did something no one saw coming. I also share why I've felt less like Abraham lately and more like those animals on the altar. And what Romans 12:1 has to do with all of it. Because here's the shift. So much of our faith gets stuck on what God can do for us. The promise. The purpose. The good he'll work out for our lives. All true. But it was never supposed to be about us. We're called to be a living sacrifice. Cut open. Poured out. So that God can work through us for his glory, not just our comfort. That's a hard thing to sit in. Especially in a season like this one. But it's also where the hope is. Not in what we can see. In what we can't. Count it all joy. Even now. Especially now. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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June 2 · 16 min
How To Be The Bigger Person When Someone Lies About You
Someone lied about me. Not a small lie. The kind that twists your words, takes them out of context, and drags your name through the mud in front of an audience. And I'll be honest with you. It made me angry. I wanted to write the email. I wanted the last word. I wanted everyone to hear my side of the story. If you've ever been gossiped about, lied about, or watched someone tell a version of you that simply wasn't true, you know exactly what that feels like. So what do you actually do? In this video, I walk through how to handle it without becoming the very thing that hurt you. How to name the lie and say the truth. Why "everyone has to like me" might be the deeper lie you're telling yourself. How to find a pressure release before you react. What it really means to give up your right for revenge. And the question a mentor once asked me that completely changed how I respond. Being the bigger person doesn't mean being a doormat. It doesn't mean staying silent every single time. It means deciding who you want to become before you decide what you want to say. Watch the full video, then tell me in the comments: how have you handled someone lying about you? And after watching this, what would you do differently now? Until next time, stay strong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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May 26 · 57 min
Dr. John Gottman Reveals All The Top Secrets For Great Relationships
Most marriage advice is recycled fluff. This is not that. I sat down with Dr. John Gottman, the man who has spent 40+ years studying what actually makes marriages work and what destroys them. Not opinions. Not theories. Exposed-to-thousands-of-couples-in-a-research-lab findings. And what he told me? Some of it will surprise you. The couples who last, the "masters," aren't the ones who avoid conflict. They're the ones who lean into it without getting defensive. They stay curious instead of critical. They treat their spouse's complaints like information, not attacks. One man in his study actually helped his wife figure out exactly what about him made her the most angry. Non-defensive. Just listening. That's the standard. We also got into the stuff nobody talks about openly. Why most couples are embarrassed to discuss sex. Why compatibility is actually a myth. What commitment really looks like on a Tuesday morning when you're frustrated. And how the way you respond to "no" in the bedroom determines everything. Dr. Gottman told me that after 35 years of marriage, he still looks forward to talking to his wife at breakfast every single morning. If your marriage feels disconnected, boring, or like you're roommates, this conversation will show you why. And more importantly, what the research says you can do about it. This is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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May 19 · 16 min
How I Built A $4.5m Company And Felt Completely Unhappy
Take the free Show Up Assessment: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com/pies-assessment ----------------------------------------------- He who works the most wins. At least, that's what I believed. I grew a company from negative $500K to $4.5 million in revenue. On paper? Success. In reality? I was completely falling apart. I lost my passion. I lost my mind. Literally forgot how to open my own trunk. I lost my will. And I didn't even see it coming. In this video, I'm sharing what burnout actually looked like for me. Not the Instagram version, the real one. The walks with my husband where all I could say was "I'm just so unhappy." The moment in a coaching session where it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then I'll tell you what I did about it. I took a 4-month sabbatical. No email. No Slack. No meetings. Just rest. And it terrified me. Because when your identity is your work, stopping feels like dying. But here's what I know now: Rest is not weakness. You are limited. And that's actually a good thing. If you're running hard right now and something feels off, this video is for you. Stop grinding. Start resting. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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May 12 · 31 min
Why I Was Failing Every Morning... (And I Didn't Even Know It)
I have a PhD in performance psychology. I know, with absolute certainty, that the morning sets the tone for the entire day. And I have been fundamentally screwing mine up. Checking Slack before my feet hit the floor. Scrolling Instagram before I'd said a word to God. Trying to ramp from stillness straight into a 4-mile run with zero transition. By 9am I'd feel that weight settle on my chest. Anxious. Irritable. Behind. Two hours into a day I'd started peaceful and hopeful. So I documented 7 days of my mornings. Not the highlight reel. The real thing. The day I woke up an hour late. The day I cried during my quiet time. The day I sat with my journal from 2 years ago and realized I still hadn't done the thing God told me to do. What I learned isn't "wake up at 5am" or "follow these 12 steps." It's this: I have to learn to BE before I DO. Because when my doing comes from a frantic place, everything I touch carries that frenzy with it. Your version might be the opposite. You might need movement first, stillness later. That's the point. There's no universal morning routine. There's only the one that helps YOU show up as your best self. In this video, I'll walk you through all 7 days, what worked, what fell apart, and the key takeaway that applies whether you're a stay-at-home parent, a CEO, or somewhere in between. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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May 5 · 24 min
What To Do When People Won't Freaking Listen
Take the free assessment → https://kimberlybeamholmes.com/pies-assessment --------------------------------------------------- You've said it once. You've said it twice. You've said it fifteen times over four months. And somehow, nothing changes. You're not crazy. You're just not being heard. I lived this recently. I told a coworker in January that we needed to cut a software that wasn't working. He agreed. Or so I thought. Fast forward to April and we're still having the same conversation. January. That's when we decided. January. In this video, I'm breaking down the three reasons people don't listen when you speak and three things you can actually do about it. Distraction. Different wiring. Lack of clarity. These three things are behind almost every "why won't they just listen to me" moment you've ever had. I'm also walking you through the DISC personality framework (my favorite tool for understanding how people process information differently) and why speaking louder has never once helped someone understand you better. The hard question isn't "why won't they listen?" The hard question is "am I being a person worth listening to?" That's the one that changes everything. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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April 30 · 59 min
The Way God Shows Up — Katie Simkins
Katie Simkins didn't grow up knowing Jesus. She didn't grow up in church. She didn't grow up with hope. At 16, doctors found 11 precancerous growths in her body. A group of strangers prayed over her. The scans came back completely clear, not even scarring. Weeks later, her brother unexpectedly passed away. And what followed was a year she calls "the year of darkness." Walking in physical darkness. Carrying grief, guilt, and the weight of a question she couldn't answer... why would God heal me and then take him? This conversation wrecked me. Katie shares the moment she almost gave up. The woman who stopped her in the hallway. The prayer she thought was a goodbye that became a beginning. And how a thrift store army men set and a stranger's receipt marked "paid in full" is still teaching her kids who God is today. We talk about: What it looks like to follow Jesus when your friends hate Him. What it means to stop performing your faith and start living it. And why the greatest answer to prayer might not be a changed circumstance... but His presence in the middle of it. Let's dive in. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes
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