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The Wash with Dalton Smiley

Dalton Smiley

Go for a spin with comedian and creator Dalton Smiley at The Wash! Each week, Dalton and his friends take a new load of laundry through every cycle, scrubbing through chaotic life updates, pop culture moments, internet drama, and whatever’s got them freshly pressed. No matter how clean or dirty…it all comes out on The Wash!

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26 episodes
weekly
Avg 49 min
English

Episodes 26

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Tuesday · 54 min
The Children YEARN for candy (ft. The Cat in the Hat)
Be prepared for the SPOOKIEST episode yet ft the SCARIEST *cat* ever -- The Cat in the HAT!!! (The 2003 live action version of course) 🎃 It's spooky season, and you know I've got thoughts. This week, we're talking favorite Halloween candy, trick-or-treating etiquette, the kids ADDICTED to sugar, and Fall Fest?! OH and you know I love a side tangent. so a few words about bad restaurant service, because apparently doing the bare minimum is too much to ask. Grab your candy stash, get comfortable, and let's go for a spin at The Wash. 🧺 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
October 13 · 48 min
Welcome to Clown School with Zach Zucker
This week at The Wash, we're joined by comedian, clown, and professional chaos agent Zach Zucker, who's got a brand-new show Stamptown out now on Netflix! The variety show isn't the only thing we're chatting about... We get into clown school (the valedictorians and those flunking out), touring the world, and creating a completely hilarious, spontaneous, raunchy variety show unlike anything you've ever seen before. It's a wild one...get ready to clown at the wash! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
October 6 · 49 min
SOUP saved my life...
This week has been a LOT...I know a bowl of soup would heal me. From a woman driving her car onto a Tesla while I'm trying to enjoy a hike, to an oil change that somehow costs $3,000, to Saint having a full-blown meltdown at the vet--BUCKLE UP. And that's exactly what we're talking about. This week, we're giving soup the attention and respect it deserves. Why do we love it so much? Why does it multiply? Why are there approximately 47,000 kinds? What are the rules of soup? And most importantly, what actually qualifies as soup? We're getting to the bottom of it all. Grab a spoon. It's time to get things off our chest. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 29 · 46 min
I started a war over PUMPKINS...
NEW LAUNDROMAT?!?!? OMG I can't believe it!!!! Welcome to our new HOME! I can't wait to have you!! APPARENTLY, I started a war by saying pumpkins are vegetables (which they are bc i'm always right no matter what the science says...) After receiving an unreasonable amount of calls, texts, DMs, carrier pigeons, I decided to do what any normal person would do: investigate the entire fruit vs. vegetable situation once and for all. What actually makes something a fruit? What about a vegetable? Why is a cucumber involved? And what the hell is a pumpkin? I'm going over what exactly IS a fruit and vegetable in my eyes and then what the science says (and why it's wrong!). The answer of some of these will shock you. Everything comes out at the wash...even the produce??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 22 · 54 min
BRING BACK CARRIER PIGEONS
We need to talk...about TALKING and how NO ONE does it right!!! This week on The Wash, we’re getting into the extremely serious world of emails, phone calls, text messages, voice memos, in-person meetings… and, obviously, carrier pigeons. I'm ranking them bottom-to-top and I can't wait to hear what you think. I have thoughts about all of them. Offices are ridiculous. Why are emails just group texts ??? Phone calls are boring...we deserve CREATIVITY. Group texts are a violation of my personal freedoms. Voice memos are quite literally the most insane invention of our generation. And honestly? I think we need to bring back the pigeon. Plus, we’re talking about my extremely annoying wrist injury, and saying goodbye to THIS laundromat for the last time. 🥲 Come clock in and take a spin at The Wash!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 15 · 47 min
Put a pumpkin on your porch OR GO TO JAIL.
fall, Fall, FALLLLLLL!!!! I'm ready to talk about it. 🍂 Get your a$$ to the store and buy those pumpkins because it's time to DECORATE! Why are we not decorating every house for fall? Why do big houses get to sit there looking completely normal when they have SIX BEDROOMS and absolutely no pumpkins on the porch? That should be illegal. Then there’s pumpkin spice and it's oozing from every crack in the world right now. But can we be honest?! There are SO many better spices. Cinnamon? Hello? Apple? Nutmeg? Maple? Pecan?? HELLO??? We need to expand our horizons. This load of the wash I'm also coming clean about the time I lied about my name at a coffee shop (it's still haunting me). I'm in my fall sweater even though it's 99 degrees because we should dress for the weather we want instead of the one we have! This load is the best because it’s chaotic, it’s seasonal, it’s deeply opinionated...why? because it’s FALL. 🍁 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 8 · 52 min
Just charge it to the hotel room...
OMG FALL IS HERE!!!! But I'm not ready to let go of summer just yet. I've been stewing over everyones vacations this summer and I've got thoughts. Because when I go on vacation, I'm just paying a ridiculous amount of money to temporarily become a different person(and I love that). This week, we're getting into the absolute magic of vacations: cruise ships (that are essentially floating Lego sets), all-inclusive resorts where every meal is free-ish, charging literally anything to your hotel room, and why you MUST splurge on the hotel room. We’re talking hotel bath robes, freezing cold rooms, unnecessary amenities, and the deeply important question of why some hotels refuse to make the room cold enough. Plus: Disney for a honeymoon. Romantic? Magical? Relaxing? Absolutely...NOT. It’s vacation logic. Don’t think about it too hard. Just charge it to the room. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 1 · 54 min
BURY ME WITH A MCDONALDS FRENCH FRY
It's time we acknowledge, Fast Food used to be FUN!!!! In this episode, we’re celebrating the pinnacle of fast food (aka my childhood). The good, the bad, the ugly, and baby--the NOSTALGIA! And of course I'm taking this opportunity as my chance to give you my opinion on the all-time favorites, hidden gems, the best things to order, the absolute atrocities you should avoid, and more! And because apparently we can’t have one conversation without going completely off the rails (like always lol), we also talk about Dolly Parton, my white women Mount Rushmore, and several other things that have absolutely nothing to do with hamburgers. So grab some fries and pull forward. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 25 · 44 min
Something DIED in that airport bathroom...
This week’s load of The Wash is ALL about AIRPORTS. I'm fresh off a family trip to beautiful Florida and, naturally, I've got a lot of thoughts... This week, I'm diving into everything in an airport: from the chaos of tiny regional airports, to bathrooms that smell like something DIED, to the very specific personalities you encounter on every airline. I'm unpacking all of it. I'm recapping my latest travel adventures, breaking down what I think should be the RULES of the airport, and asks the MOST important questions: Why does every airport bathroom smell like that? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 18 · 39 min
Working retail gave me TRAUMA.
I survived working retail and honestly… I don’t know how ?!?!? This week we’re getting into the absolute CHAOS that comes with RETAIL. The insane customers, managers with attitude problems, and the trauma that follows me every time I step into a store!! Retail truly builds character. Unfortunately, I think I would've been just fine without it. OH...and I also talk about hitting ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS (!!!!), going to a ridiculously fancy restaurant in LA where the valet situation was INSANE, and so. much. more!!! Basically, it’s a solo episode about retail trauma, being dramatic, and somehow continuing to function as an adult. Enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 11 · 1 hr 2 min
Horseback Riding, Skinny Jeans, and the red flags you should NOT ignore.
This week on The Wash, Evelyn Gonzalez (@evelyngonzalez) is HERE!!! We get to YAP about everything that's important (or not important at all ??): from getting dressed (or simply refusing to), hobbies and horseback riding, to Evelyn’s move to LA in 2016 and surviving the skinny jean epidemic. We also get VERY real about relationships... When is it time to trust your man, and when are you just ignoring a giant red flag? We do a NEW segment this week called “Spinning Out” that chats about the relationship behaviors that would immediately make us suspicious, question everything, or ghost him completely. Plus: back-to-school supplies, PTSD, hobbies we abandoned, and the eternal topic… some relationships just are NOT worth the stress. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 4 · 1 hr 1 min
Nick taught Lana Del Rey how to use a microwave...
My friend Nick Norcia (@nick_norcia, @overallcountry) is living proof that you never know what's coming next! This week we talk all about Nick's latest adventures: beekeeping, gardening, and turning Los Angeles into his own personal ranch. We both talk about our love of growing up in the South, playing mermaids in the pool, and then we chat the wild story of him meeting Lana Del Rey (and somehow teaching her how to use a microwave). And your favorite segment is BACK! The Mystery Socks this week have some of your most chaotic opinions YET! Submit your own sock at bit.ly/submitasock Grab your laundry and join us for another load! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 28 · 43 min
Grab your Capri-Sun...we're going back to 2006
This week I'm diving headfirst into 90s/00s nostalgia!!! From Tamagotchis and Webkinz...to Hilary Duff and the wonderfully unhinged era of TLC (19 Kids and Counting, Wife Swap, and more). Plus, we discuss the World Cup halftime show, I reveal what you SHOULD NOT DO when emailing me... and we taste-test nostalgic snacks to find out if childhood was actually delicious… or if we were just easily impressed. If you grew up in the golden age of Disney Channel, reality TV, and questionable snack foods, you're gonna eat this up... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 21 · 44 min
CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY by exposing myself...
It's my birthday, which means I had one very important job: make this entire episode all about ME! I'm handing out trophies for the dumbest decisions, the funniest stories, the biggest life moments, and the absolute chaos that somehow keeps finding me. From accidentally meeting celebrities (without knowing who they were) to Franklin creating one of the worst Roomba disasters imaginable, there's an award for EVERYTHING! Plus: my drink of the summer, the latest diarrhea virus everyone seems to be talking about, daylight savings time, and whatever else my ADHD brain decided deserved an award. Welcome to the first annual Dalton Awards. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 14 · 39 min
Europe Debrief: I got gassed by my Uber Driver
This week I'm BACK! And finally giving the full Europe debrief... But a return to the states wouldn't be normal if there wasn't a few hiccups (or almost getting attacked by a coyote at my house lol). Join me as I chat through my trip, the Uber driver who gassed me in his car, and even my run in with the flight attendent who thought I came off the street. OH! And BACK by popular demand...the return of Mystery Socks!! Submit your own below or at the link in my bio! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 7 · 57 min
Jacob Elordi Said WHAT to Julian Burzynski ?!
@JulianCookies has interviewed countless celebrities on red carpets, but can he recognize their most iconic quotes? On The Wash this week, we're talking surviving airport chaos, what celebrities are actually like on the red carpet, Arby's favorites, chicken salad opinions that could end friendships, and Ariana Grande Concerts! Get ready to go for a SPIN! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 30 · 49 min
I accidentally joined a Pyramid Scheme...
What do pyramid schemes, karaoke, Shrek 5, mystery socks, and wedding photography have in common? ME evidently!!! This week we are breezing through my past jobs before I got started at the laundromat! Chatting through all my favorite stories from my crazy past jobs. Also we try a new segment this week called "Mystery Socks"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 23 · 55 min
My Mom finally speaks her TRUTH...
Join us as my mom clocks into The Wash this week to finally air out some family laundry. We tackle the important questions—like what's actually in her will, who she expects to take care of her when she's old, and whether I was really as dramatic as she claims growing up. We also revisit my coming out story, talk about her surprising new life as an empty nester, and uncover how she somehow became the cool parent. Plus, the tables turn when she puts me on trial to determine once and for all whether I'm innocent or GUILTY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 16 · 1 hr 4 min
Uly Morazan has 37 future husbands.
Emmy-award-winning (kinda) mexican actress and future husband to Pedro Pascal, ULY MORAZAN (@UlyandErnesto), is CLOCKING into The Wash this week!!! Join Uly and I to chat about the south, quinceañeras, milk chug (?) and MORE! I might even force Uly to narrow down his future husbands and finally leave some hot guys for the rest of us! Check Uly out on Instagram and TikTok at @UlyandErnesto and his new podcast @CurrentBestiesPod! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
June 9 · 43 min
My GASSY French Bulldog has Attitude Problems...
The Wash's most anticipated guest EVER is finally sitting down for his first exclusive tell-all interview!!! FRANKLIN is clocking into the laundromat to tell you all about his childhood while confronting all of my crazy stories head on! Join us this week as I chat all things Franklin and answer frequent questions I get with the man (dog) himself !!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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