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The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

Danielle Black

The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

Hosted by Danielle Black


A direct, evidence-based podcast for people navigating all-things separation and divorce, including; post-separation abuse, family violence, parenting, property settlement and the family law system - with a relentless focus on protecting children and building a life beyond separation.  Because, the advice your lawyer gives you is only the beginning.  Family law tells you what the system can do. This podcast helps you understand what to seek, what to challenge, what to bring into the room - and how to live with the decisions, and move on with your life, afterwards.


Danielle Black is a specialist post-separation parenting coach and the founder and principal coach of Danielle Black Coaching.   Having navigated her own complex separation, and guided hundreds of clients to successful outcomes, Danielle and her coaching team specialise in helping protective parents to optimise the outcome for themselves and their children, and support clients to navigate post-separation situations that other professionals don't properly address.  


Drawing on her extensive tertiary qualifications, developmental science, research, trauma-informed practice and both professional and lived experience, she examines how abuse can continue after separation, how systems and professionals respond, and what genuinely informed decision-making and credible advocacy requires when risk, fear or power imbalance is present.


Because understanding family law is not enough.

Having a lawyer is not enough.

A lawyer can advise you about the law, legal process and evidence. But optimising your parenting outcome also requires knowledge of child development, attachment, coercive control and trauma; the capacity to remain strategic under pressure; and the confidence to advocate for what you and your children genuinely need.

This podcast examines all of those layers.


It challenges the assumptions that routinely shape post-separation outcomes: the fixation on 50/50 shared care, the misuse of “friendly parent” ideals, the belief that compromise is always constructive, and the fantasy that engaging the right professional means you can safely hand over the strategy, decision-making and advocacy.


Across the podcast, Danielle explores:

  • how post-separation abuse operates through parenting, financial and legal processes;
  • what children need after separation - and why adult notions of fairness are an inadequate guide;
  • what lawyers and other post-separation professionals were, and were not, trained to understand;
  • why standard co-parenting frameworks often fail families affected by coercive control and other forms of family violence and post-separation abuse;
  • how to assess the benefits, risks and real-world costs of negotiation, litigation and other pathways;
  • how knowledge, capacity and advocacy can materially change outcomes;
  • and what comes next, when separation and survival no longer occupy the centre of your life.


Expect direct language, research-backed analysis, practical guidance and a few cuss words - not platitudes, false balance or simplistic promises of justice.


This is not only about understanding what happened in your situation.

It is about making informed decisions now - and becoming the author, and authority, of what comes next.


To go deeper, explore The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™, Danielle’s flagship program for parents building the knowledge, capacity and advocacy skills needed to make informed, protective decisions after separation.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au.

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  • weekly
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  • English

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  • November 5 · 47 min

    129. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 9: What's left when the orders end?

    This is part 9 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says 'no', our job isn't to immediately decide what the 'no' proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. One day, the parenting orders will end. There will be no more scheduled changeovers, no more arguments about overnight arrangements, and no legal requirement determining when a child spends time with either parent. But what happens to the relationship when the arrangements that once governed it are no longer there? In the ninth and final episode of this series, Danielle Black explores a question that reaches far beyond parenting orders: what kind of childhood are children experiencing while their parents are navigating separation, conflict and the family law system? While adults may be consumed by parenting arrangements, court proceedings and disputes about time, children are still growing up. They're developing their identities, forming relationships and learning what it feels like to be loved, heard and understood by each of their parents. Danielle examines the often-overlooked ways parental behaviour shapes those experiences. Can children speak positively about their time with the other parent? Can they express affection for step-parents and siblings without feeling disloyal? Can they seek support when something goes wrong in either household without fearing an adult's reaction? And can they be themselves, without having to minimise parts of their lives to manage their parents' emotions? The episode also explores the distinction between compliance and genuine connection, the importance of emotional safety and relational repair, and what happens as children grow into adults who increasingly determine the nature of their own relationships. Not every parent-child relationship will develop as hoped. Some become stronger, some remain complicated, and others become distant or end altogether. But the quality of a relationship cannot be measured simply by the number of nights a child spends in a particular home. Bringing together the central themes of this nine-part series, Danielle invites parents to look beyond the parenting arrangements and consider the experiences their children are having right now. One day the parenting orders will end, but our children don't get those years of childhood back. You are not raising a parenting arrangement. You are raising a person. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • October 29 · 41 min

    128. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 8: Influence, manipulation & loyalty conflicts

    This is part 8 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says 'no', our job isn't to immediately decide what the 'no' proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. When a child resists or refuses a relationship with a parent, allegations of "parental alienation" can quickly become part of the conversation. But how do we distinguish genuine manipulation or influencing from a child's own experiences, grievances and feelings about their parents? In Part 8 of When Children Say No: Resistance, Refusal and Relationships After Separation, Danielle Black explores the complicated ways children can be influenced by the adults around them, including deliberate manipulation, emotional pressure, loyalty conflicts and exposure to adult grievances. Genuine manipulation happens. Children can be lied to, pressured to take sides, made responsible for a parent's emotional wellbeing or encouraged to reject a parent they previously enjoyed a relationship with. But recognising those possibilities doesn't mean every instance of resistance or refusal can be explained by "parental alienation" or deliberate influencing. In this episode Danielle examines how children can be exposed to inappropriate parental influence while also having legitimate grievances with the parent they're rejecting. She explores why children may remain deeply attached to an abusive parent, how coercive control can shape children's loyalties and behaviour, and why even well-intentioned parents can inadvertently place emotional burdens on their children. The episode also challenges the tendency to interpret every interaction through the behaviour of the other parent. When a child expresses anger, withdraws from contact or describes a difficult experience, are adults genuinely listening to what that child is communicating, and recognising that their experiences and feelings are real to them, or are they searching for yet more evidence that someone else has influenced them? Danielle considers what happens when parents become consumed by explanations for estrangement, the importance of remaining curious about children's independent experiences, and why rebuilding a relationship requires more than convincing a child that they've been misled - because understanding why a child is resisting a parent is not the same as understanding what that child needs from the relationship. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • October 22 · 48 min

    127. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 7: When we stop forcing contact

    This is part 7 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. What happens when a child persistently refuses to spend time with a parent, and the court ultimately decides that contact should no longer be required? In Part 7 of our When Children Resist or Refuse series, Principal Coach Danielle Black explores circumstances in which parenting arrangements may provide for no contact, or for time with a parent to occur according to a child's wishes. While orders limiting or preventing contact may be made because of safety concerns, this episode focuses on a different and often misunderstood situation: children, particularly adolescents, whose resistance or refusal has become so entrenched that requiring them to spend time with a parent may no longer be appropriate or practically achievable. Danielle examines the significance of children's expressed wishes, the role of family report writers and other professionals, and why courts may sometimes make these arrangements by consent rather than following a contested final hearing. The episode also considers the practical realities of expecting a parent to compel an older child to attend contact, the limitations of court orders in repairing damaged relationships, and the responsibilities that remain with parents when compulsory time is no longer part of the arrangement. Importantly, an order that no longer requires contact does not necessarily mean a parent-child relationship can never be repaired, but when the legal requirement to spend time together falls away, the question becomes less about enforcing a parenting schedule and more about whether a meaningful relationship can be built or rebuilt. A court can make orders about time. It cannot order a child to feel safe, connected or loved. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • October 15 · 1 hr 11 min

    126. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 6: Encouragement, or coercion?

    This is part 6 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. When a child resists or refuses spending time with a parent, adults are often told that the child needs encouragement. But what does meaningful encouragement actually look like? And at what point does encouragement become coercion? In Part 6 of When Children Resist or Refuse, experienced post-separation parenting coach Danielle Black explores one of the most difficult questions in post-separation parenting: how to support a child's relationship with a parent without dismissing their experiences, overriding their distress or making them responsible for repairing a struggling relationship. This episode examines the difference between ordinary discomfort and distress that warrants closer attention. Danielle considers the responsibilities of both the preferred and resisted parent, the importance of historical caregiving and relational attunement. She also explores what happens when a parent is genuinely encouraging contact but a child continues to resist, why compliance should not be confused with connection, and the risks of treating a child's distress as something to overcome rather than information to understand. Supporting a meaningful parent-child relationship isn't simply about getting a child through the next changeover. It's about understanding what that child needs to feel safe, supported and connected within the relationship. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • October 8 · 36 min

    125. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 5: Whose job is it to "fix" the relationship?

    This is part 5 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. When a child resists or refuses spending time with a parent, there's often an enormous amount of attention directed towards the parent the child does want to be with. Are they encouraging the relationship? Are they influencing the child? Are they doing enough to facilitate contact? ...But what about the parent whose relationship with the child is struggling? What responsibility do they have for understanding why their child doesn't want to spend time with them - and for doing something about it? In Part 5 of this series, we're turning the spotlight towards the parent-child relationship itself. We're talking about the difference between having parenting time and having a relationship. Between demanding contact with a child and demonstrating the capacity for connection. Between wanting your child to love you and being willing to understand their experience of you. And we're asking some uncomfortable questions. Can you tolerate your child having a mind that exists separately from yours? Can you hear something about your relationship that you don't like without immediately dismissing, correcting or blaming somebody else? Can your child disagree with you without feeling that your love, approval or emotional wellbeing is at stake? We'll also look at the responsibilities of the child's preferred parent, because nobody gets immunity from assessment. However, supporting a child's relationship with their other parent is not the same as being responsible for creating or repairing that relationship on somebody else's behalf. I'll share some of my own experience, including what happened when my son's father insisted on equality rather than listening to what our son was telling him. And we'll explore why you can win the parenting-time argument and still lose the relationship. Because eventually, the parenting arrangement ends. The changeovers stop. The Court orders can not determine where an adult child spends their time. And whatever relationship exists will have to stand on its own. Your child can belong deeply with you. But they do not belong to you. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • October 3 · 1 hr 7 min

    124. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 4: Your barrister is not an oracle

    This is part 4 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. Your barrister might be excellent. Your lawyer might know family law inside out. They may have decades of experience, strong professional judgement and a far better understanding of the legal system than you do. They still cannot see the future. In Episode 4 of the When Children Resist or Refuse series, Danielle turns the spotlight toward legal advice, professional opinion and the enormous temptation to turn uncertainty into certainty when the stakes feel impossibly high. Because there is a difference between: “My barrister thinks this is a risk.” and: “This is definitely going to happen.” There is a difference between what you believe, what you've told your lawyer, what your legal team considers relevant, what is actually in evidence, the case your barrister is advancing - and the orders you've ultimately been advised to seek, oppose or accept. And those things don't always line up as neatly as we imagine. This episode explores what it means to use professional legal advice strategically without handing over responsibility for understanding your own case; why a professional opinion is still an opinion rather than a prediction; how fear can turn legal advice into prophecy; and why you and your legal team need to be looking at the same fucking map. Danielle also explores an uncomfortable possibility: sometimes the legal advice you're receiving isn't the problem. Sometimes you've heard “there is a risk” and your nervous system has translated it into “this is inevitable.” And sometimes you've spent months documenting something you believe is central to your case without ever asking whether your legal team agrees, or whether they're actually running the case you think they're running. Your lawyer cannot run the case that exists only in your head. And you cannot make informed decisions about the case that exists only in your lawyer's head. This isn't about becoming your own lawyer. Rather, it's about becoming a better-informed client of the lawyer you already have. Good professional advice should help you make decisions under uncertainty it shouldn't require you to pretend the uncertainty has disappeared. This episode also mentions the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ turning ONE on 27 September 2026, with information about the birthday celebration and limited-time offer - from midnight Saturday 26 September 2026 to midnight Saturday 3 October 2026 the Blueprint (usually $1497 AUD) will be available for $899!! No codes to remember - discount applied automatically at checkout. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • September 25 · 57 min

    123. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 3: Your nervous system is not an oracle

    This is part 3 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. What does your nervous system have to do with a child resisting or refusing time with a parent? Quite a fucking lot, actually. In the first two episodes of this series, we've turned our attention toward children: their relationships, their experiences, their resistance and the many different things that can sit underneath a child's "no". In this episode, Danielle turns the spotlight around. Because if we're serious about understanding children's resistance accurately, nobody gets diplomatic immunity from scrutiny and assessment - including the preferred or primary caregiver. For parents who have experienced family violence, coercive control, abuse or prolonged post-separation conflict, hypervigilance can make enormous sense. Sometimes the alarm is detecting a very real fire. Sometimes it's burnt toast. And sometimes there's a complicated combination of current concern and a nervous system shaped by what has happened before. The answer isn't to ignore the alarm. It's to get better at understanding what it's telling you. Danielle explores the difference between distress, dysregulation, functional impairment and parenting capacity; why a trauma response is information rather than automatic proof of present danger; the difference between receiving support and actually building capacity; and why a parenting arrangement cannot become the treatment plan for a parent's nervous system. She also asks some uncomfortable questions. Can you tolerate evidence that your child was okay? What happens when every possible outcome confirms the conclusion you already hold? Has being the historic primary caregiver become your entire identity - and what happens when your child begins to need you differently? And can you remain standing while your child experiences something you can't control? This isn't an invitation to minimise risk, dismiss children's distress or pretend that trauma disappears because somebody tells you to regulate better. Sometimes there really is a fucking fire. It's an invitation to become more discerning about the difference between what you know, what you're observing, what you're anticipating and what your nervous system is making it mean. Because you can be 0% responsible for what somebody did to you and still become responsible for what you do with the injuries they left behind. And, you do not need to remain injured to prove somebody injured you. This episode also continues the countdown to the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ turning ONE on 27 September 2026, with information about the birthday celebration and limited-time offer - from midnight Saturday 26 September 2026 to midnight Saturday 3 October 2026 the Blueprint (usually $1497 AUD) will be available for $899!! No codes to remember - discount applied automatically at checkout. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • September 18 · 33 min

    122. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 2: What the fuck is a "meaningful relationship" anyway?

    This is part 2 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. What the fuck is a "meaningful relationship" anyway? We use phrases like meaningful relationship, substantial time, shared care, attachment and best interests so often in separated-parenting conversations that sometimes we stop asking what they actually mean. And that matters, because somewhere along the way, "children benefit from healthy relationships with both parents" can quietly become "children need equally strong relationships with both parents" - and then "more parenting time creates a 'better relationship' ." But are those actually the same proposition? In Episode 2 of When Children Resist or Refuse Danielle explores the assumptions hiding inside familiar family-law and separated-parenting language. We look at the difference between a parenting arrangement and a parent-child relationship; why attachment and relationship history cannot be reduced to a percentage of nights; what research can - and cannot - tell us about quantity of parenting time; and why a child can love a parent without wanting to live with them for a particular amount of time. We also ask a question that will keep appearing throughout this series: Are we protecting the relationship - or are we protecting the parenting schedule? Because a Court can allocate parenting time. It cannot allocate emotional intimacy. And apparently the sophisticated critical-thinking methodology for this entire discussion is now: TABLE. Stop. Define the fucking thing. This episode also continues the countdown to the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ turning ONE on 27 September 2026, with more information about the birthday celebration and limited-time offer coming soon. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • September 12 · 35 min

    121. When Children Resist or Refuse - Part 1: Why don't they want to go?

    This is part 1 of our "When Children Resist or Refuse" series. This series explores what a child's resistance or refusal might mean. When a child says no, our job isn't to immediately decide what the no proves. It's to understand what might be happening, notice what every adult is bringing to the interpretation, and work out how to respond without losing sight of the child. What does it actually mean when a child says they don't want to spend time with the other parent? In the first episode of our new series, When Children Resist or Refuse: Why don't they want to go?, Danielle Black unpacks one of the most difficult - and most misunderstood - issues in post-separation parenting: children who resist or refuse time with a parent. Because a child's refusal tells us that something is happening. It does not, by itself, tell us why. Is the child frightened? Is the parenting arrangement simply too much for them? Are they struggling with transitions, neurodivergence or sensory overload? Was the relationship with the other parent ever particularly strong? Has something happened to rupture it? Could family violence, coercive control, harmful parenting or boundary violations be relevant? Is the preferred parent contributing to the problem? Could there be alignment issues or inappropriate parental influence? And why do these cases so often collapse into the deeply inadequate binary of abuse versus parental alienation? In this episode, Danielle explores how we can move away from labels and towards something much more useful: understanding the individual child, their history, their relationships and the evidence actually in front of us. Danielle also looks at the assumption that more parenting time automatically creates a better or more "meaningful" parent-child relationship - and why the research is considerably more complicated than that. This episode also introduces the newly expanded Module 13 of The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™: When Children Resist or Refuse Contact, including substantial new research and practical frameworks for parents navigating exactly these issues. And there's some news. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint turns ONE on 27 September 2026! 🎂 To celebrate, Danielle will be announcing a significant, limited-time Blueprint Birthday Discount closer to the official birthday. More will be revealed over the coming weeks. The Danielle Black Coaching Team is also getting ready to launch their newest program, Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract. If you want to make sure you don't miss either announcement, head to our website. You'll find separate newsletter sign-ups on the home page for Blueprint Birthday Discount updates (general mailing list) and Claim Your Name™. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • September 4 · 57 min

    120. Is 9/5 the new 50:50? Care arrangements after Australia’s 2024 Family Law changes

    Is nine nights/five nights becoming the new default parenting arrangement after Australia’s 2024 family law reforms? Danielle Black examines the rise of 9/5 recommendations in family reports and final outcomes, why mathematical ‘balance’ is not the same as a child-focused assessment, and what protective parents should ask when expert recommendations do not clearly connect the evidence to the proposed parenting schedule. This episode explores equal parenting time, attachment, child development, family violence, report writers, expert evidence and the difference between a recommendation and a court order. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice or individual coaching specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • August 26 · 1 hr 25 min

    119. Parenting without court orders: More options than you might realise

    When parenting arrangements cannot be agreed upon, many protective parents believe they have only two options: give in to what the other parent is demanding or begin family court proceedings. But those are not the only paths available. In this episode, Senior Coach Brigid Morgan shares her lived experience of navigating shared-care parenting without formal court orders in a high-conflict post-separation dynamic. She explores the certainty parents may hope court orders will provide, what orders can and cannot realistically achieve, and how a workable arrangement may sometimes be maintained through established care patterns, clear communication boundaries, parallel parenting and careful documentation. Danielle then joins the conversation to address one of the most difficult questions protective parents face: what happens when the other parent refuses to agree to arrangements or safeguards that you believe are necessary for your children? Together, Danielle and Brigid discuss: Why parenting orders are not always the “golden ticket” they can appear to be The false choice between acquiescing and immediately commencing court proceedings Parenting plans, established arrangements and the importance of 'status quo' precedents Parallel parenting when collaboration is neither safe nor realistic Protective measures that may be implemented without court orders Holding firm when faced with anger, accusations or threats of legal action The difference between avoiding conflict and protecting your children Situations in which formal orders and urgent legal advice may be necessary This episode is not an argument against parenting orders. It is an invitation to question the assumption that court is automatically the only alternative when agreement cannot be reached - and to understand that parenting without orders does not necessarily mean parenting without boundaries, structure or protection. This podcast provides general educational information and is not a substitute for legal advice specific to your circumstances. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • August 22 · 1 hr 14 min

    118. The Good Girl Contract - part six (finale): What your children actually need from you

    This is the final episode in the six-part Good Girl Contract series: Your children are not doomed by what they have experienced (and neither are you). But what happens next matters. In this episode, Danielle speaks directly to protective mothers about the work their children actually need from them: protecting while they can, modelling healthy boundaries, accepting their children’s boundaries in return, and becoming a parent their children do not have to emotionally manage. This means confronting some difficult truths. Your children will eventually determine the shape of their relationship with each parent. They may continue to love, seek approval from, or maintain a connection with a parent who has caused harm. Their relationship with that parent is not yours to design - and their love for you should never depend upon managing your feelings about it. Trauma matters. It shapes our nervous systems, our relationships and our responses. But trauma cannot become an indefinite exemption from responsibility for what we transmit to our children. The work is not to become a perfect mother. It is to interrupt the Good Girl Contract so our children inherit something different. And that requires more than boundaries. Our children need to know us as a specific person - not simply as Mum, protector, organiser, provider or function. They need to know our preferences, our edges, our contradictions, our pleasures and our name. Because the Good Girl Contract was never designed merely to make girls and women "good." It was designed to make them interchangeable. This is where that transmission ends. This ends here. This ends with us. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • August 12 · 47 min

    117. The Good Girl Contract - part five: The Contract after separation

    This is where the lens widens. Parts 1 through 4 focused on the Contract as it operates in the woman herself - her history, her patterns, her practice of interrupting it. Today, Danielle takes on the intergenerational dimension. Because the Contract does not stay contained to a woman's inner life. It is operating in her relationships right now, in her parenting arrangements, in the decisions she is making about and for her children - and in what her children are absorbing about who women are. Danielle walks through why the Contract persists after the relationship ends, and why post-separation life often intensifies its operation rather than resolving it. Because the overfunctioning that occurred during the relationship is continuing to play out - overfunctioning for the ex, the children, the lawyers, the report writer, the school, the extended family ... She then names one of the least-discussed dynamics in the post-separation space - pity-driven capitulation. Which is the pattern of primary care givers, well past the point of separation, agreeing to arrangements not because they are afraid of their ex, but because they feel sorry for them. Danielle also dives into what our children are watching, and what they are learning, about who women are from watching their mother in relation to their father. What they can absorb, at the level below conscious analysis, is that women are functions in the household and men are named specific people. Which is exactly what the Contract exists to teach the next generation - not through instruction, but through demonstration. Importantly, there is no scenario in which recognising a pattern too late is worse than not recognising it at all. The recognition itself is the beginning of the interruption. Which is exactly what our children need. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • August 9 · 1 hr 7 min

    116. The Good Girl Contract - part four: Interrupting the Contract

    Part 4 of The Good Girl Contract series. This is where the series pivots. Parts 1, 2, and 3 were diagnostic in nature - naming the Contract, walking through what happened when we took it into adult intimate relationships, and naming the mirror problem that comes from being trained not to hold our own boundaries, and not to receive other people’s. Today we talk about what interrupting the Contract actually looks like. Not in theory. Not from the other side. From inside it, using my own current life as the example. Danielle walks you through what maintaining a boundary can feel like in the body, and show up in life - the tightness in the chest, the urge to add paragraphs of explanation, the rehearsing of conversations hours after they ended. And she makes clear that holding a line is not the absence of discomfort. It is the presence of discomfort, plus the decision to hold anyway. Danielle shares the substantive reframe that changes what this whole series is for... The Contract’s purpose was never really to make us "good". That was the surface story. The mechanism underneath was different. The Contract’s purpose was to make us interchangeable - to sand off our specificity so we could slot into the same shape, the same function, as every other woman shaped by the same training. Which means the intervention this series is walking us toward is not to become "bad", or "rebellious", or "naughty". Those framings are still operating inside the Contract’s own moral vocabulary. The actual intervention is bigger. It is to be named. To become so specifically, unmistakably yourself that you cannot be substituted for another woman. And ultimately, Danielle would rather be one person’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea. That is what this episode is about. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching Claim Your Name™: Burning the Good Girl Contract 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-contract-you-never-agreed-to The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • July 30 · 41 min

    115. The good girl contract - part three: The mirror

    If you have been quietly noticing that you struggle to accept other people's boundaries with you - that their no’s, their unavailability, their limits land in you as evidence of your own worth rather than as data about their life - this episode is naming what that actually is. Part 3 of The Good Girl Contract starts with Danielle reflecting on a conversation from part one - the tropes in our favourite movies and novels - and then moves on to name 'the mirror problem', which is the observation that the same nervous system that cannot hold its own boundaries also cannot receive them. Not because women trained by the Contract are hypocritical or demanding or entitled. But rather because both are the same underlying pattern showing up in two directions - a nervous system that has been trained to read all social responses as data about her worth, and that cannot distinguish between someone else's limit or boundaries and someone else's rejection. Danielle walks through the specific mechanism, drawn from what she sees constantly in her coaching practice. The multiple-messages pattern - sending another message when the first one has not been answered in the timeframe you wanted, because the silence itself has become unbearable. Reading the boundaries of others as a personal statement about your importance or worth, or lack thereof, rather than as information about what's going on in their world. Replaying the words of a colleague who was abrupt with you in a meeting, wondering if the friend who has not texted back is upset with you, mentally cataloguing why your partner was quiet at dinner, stressing about why your child is quiet. All of which is the personalisation reflex. All of which is the specific cost of a nervous system trained to read other people's emotional states as evidence about you. This episode also opens a careful, respectful question about how the somatic imprint of the Contract can sometimes resemble or overlap with neurodivergence. Not as a challenge to anyone's diagnosis. As inquiry - because a growing number of women in this population are being diagnosed with ADHD or autism in adulthood, and some of what those diagnoses capture (hypervigilance, difficulty resting, cycles of overfunction and collapse, extraordinary capacity to read other people) is also what happens to a nervous system trained by early danger. Danielle names the two errors currently being made in the cultural moment - assuming trauma explains everything, or assuming a woman with a trauma history cannot also be genuinely neurodivergent - and holds the question open for listeners to work with in their own lives. The episode closes on the reframe: interrupting the personalisation reflex - the mirror problem - is not about becoming someone who doesn't care what other people think. It’s about becoming someone who can hold both truths at once - that other people's responses are information about them, and that you can still care about the connection that you have with them even when you don't make their boundaries mean something about you. A content note: this episode includes a careful, respectful question about how the somatic imprint of childhood trauma can sometimes resemble or overlap with neurodivergence. It is not a challenge to any listener's diagnosis. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • July 23 · 39 min

    114. The good girl contract - part two: The moth and the flame

    Their woundedness was a moth to a flame to your overfunctioning. Part 2 of The Good Girl Contract walks through what happened when you took the Contract into your adult intimate relationships. Why the men who found you were not random. Why your nervous system recognised them as home. Why leaving felt so much harder than the surface story would suggest - and why so much of what has been sold to you as insight about your ex has been missing the more important insight about yourself. The episode opens with the reframe that partner selection was never a question of judgement or taste. It was a question of what your nervous system had been trained to recognise as familiar. From there, Danielle widens the wounded-man archetype into the family of related tropes that all activate the same Contract-shaped response - the emotionally unavailable man, the strong silent man, the man who has been hurt before, the man waiting for The One. Different clothing. Same job description for the woman. The episode also names something rare in the current recovery-content ecosystem.... That for a real period of time inside these relationships, the martyrdom feels good. Not just tolerable. Good. Danielle speaks openly about her own first marriage - working full-time, doing all the domestic labour, taking pride in having dinner fit for a king on the table every night, loving when he bragged about how well she looked after him. The shame that many survivors carry about how proud they were of the labour is one of the things keeping them stuck. Being always needed is not sustainable. Unreciprocated labour breeds resentment. Add male entitlement, add abuse, and the equation cannot balance. "What a perfect pairing. An entitled man, and a woman who needs to be needed. The Contract on one side. Its complement on the other. Neither of them chose it. Both of them delivered it. And the arrangement did exactly what the arrangement was structured to do." The episode also walks through the scientific mechanism that made leaving so hard - B.F. Skinner's work on variable-ratio reinforcement, and why the intermittent bones thrown occasionally are the mechanism, not incidental. Why the woman who stayed for years was not weak. She was in a reinforcement schedule the behavioural science tells us is one of the most persistent behavioural attachments a nervous system can form. And it closes on the destination glimpse - what healthy relationships actually feel like from the inside - less intensity, less drama, more consistency. Why they can initially feel wrong to a Contract-shaped nervous system. And the honest truth that receiving love from the other side is its own form of work, that takes years to build, and that the marvelling at ordinary daily love may never fully stop. This is a departure from the "narcissism-recovery" that has dominated survivor content in abundance. It refuses the "it wasn't you, it was all him" framing that keeps survivors as passive objects of someone else's pathology. It says instead: you brought something to this relationship. Not because you are to blame. Because you are the protagonist of your own story. And the protagonist is who gets to decide what happens next. A content note: this episode references patterns of unhealthy and abusive relationships at a diagnostic level. No graphic detail. Some listeners currently inside similar dynamics may want to listen with support available. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • July 16 · 26 min

    113. The good girl contract - part one: Where boundaries begin (or don't)

    When your childhood taught you that having needs was dangerous - that being pleasing, useful, and indispensable was the difference between love and its withdrawal - the reason boundaries are so hard as an adult is not that you are weak. It is that your nervous system learned exactly what it needed to learn to survive the environment you were in. Part 1 of The Good Girl Contract is the foundational episode of a new series. In this episode, Danielle speaks about childhood abuse. Physical and emotional abuse. Punishment for having emotions. Punishment for having needs. Punishment for answering back. The 1980s Australian cultural context in which corporal punishment of children was widespread and culturally sanctioned. From there, the episode widens into the frameworks that make the personal story into a universal one: • Stephen Porges' concept of neuroception - the body's continuous, unconscious scanning of the environment for cues of safety or threat - and what it does to a developing child in an environment where the source of care is also the source of danger. • The reframe that what the wellness and spiritual industries calls empathic sensitivity (or being an "empath") is, for a specific subset of women, more accurately understood as trained hypervigilance in a nervous system that learned very young that reading other people accurately was the difference between safety and danger. • Harriet Lerner's framework on overfunctioning in relationships and underfunctioning in self-advocacy. The distinction between cultural conditioning, which produced most women's struggle with boundaries, and violently enforced conditioning, which produced a more acute version. The episode lands on the naming of The Contract itself. A set of terms you did not consent to, do not remember signing, and have been operating under, in every relationship you have entered, ever since. "What was made can be remade. Because the same nervous system that learned the terms is capable of learning something else. Because the same brain that was shaped by danger can be reshaped by safety. Because the story is not over." This series is a departure from Working As Intended - from the structural argument about the family law system, to the personal architecture underneath the woman navigating it. A content note: this episode contains references to childhood experiences of physical and emotional abuse. No graphic detail. Some listeners may prefer to return to this episode when they have space for the material. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves to interrupt the Contract in themselves, so their own children inherit something different. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • July 10 · 1 hr 4 min

    112. Working as intended (Postscript): Do I even need a lawyer? An honest conversation on self-representation

    If you have been listening to our Working As Intended series, and you have been quietly wondering "if lawyers were never trained in what my children need, and I have to bring all of that myself, do I even need a lawyer at all?" - this episode is the rest of the answer. Danielle opens with information that she hasn't shared on the podcast before - the fact that when she was dragged into the court system all those years ago, there was not a lot of money for lawyers. Her stepfather (the person who, in any other circumstances, would have been the ally every self-representing parent hopes to have) was a family law specialist for his entire forty-year career, but could not help her because he was living with an illness that was taking him rapidly from the family. This episode is what she has learned from being on both sides of the self-representation conversation ever since. The episode walks honestly through who actually self-represents in Australian family court, and why access to legal representation in this country is distributed by wealth in a way that should be a source of national shame. It names the category error at the heart of the entire current market - that understanding the legal process is not the same as understanding what to seek within it, and that what to seek is not a legal question at all. It walks through the four capacities self-representation actually requires - time, emotional, nervous system, and educational - most of which are invisible to the products currently being marketed and sold to people navigating separation and divorce. It names the specific trap of guns blazing self-representation, where the absence of a lawyer's tempering influence becomes exposure rather than freedom. And it lands the strategic middle position that most protective parents actually need to be in: "I have a lawyer, and I know how to use them - because I also have a coach." This is also the episode where Danielle positions the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint directly. Not as a legal-navigation product. Rather, as the knowledge, capacity and advocacy layers that answer the questions that no legal-education product can answer - because it is not a legal question. And it is where she owns, clearly and unapologetically, why not being a lawyer is a strength of her work rather than a stumbling block. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves with the substance the legal profession was never required to have. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • July 2 · 37 min

    111. Working as intended - Part 4: How to use your lawyer

    If you've been with Danielle across this series, you now know how the family law system in Australia was built, what its practitioners were and were not trained to know, and how to test whether anyone in the post-separation space is genuinely child-focused. This final episode of Working As Intended brings the arc to ground. You still need a lawyer. You still have to work with these professionals. You can't opt out of the system entirely. So what do you actually do with everything you now know? Part 4 answers that question. Specifically: how to use a lawyer for the things they're genuinely expert in, without deferring to them on the questions they were never trained to answer. The episode names something Danielle has observed and experienced across almost two decades of navigating the system and the post-separation space: many clients of hers who have sought sole parental responsibility - informed, prepared, and willing to hold firm - have been successful. This episode explains why the gap between "my lawyer told me it's very hard to get" and "my clients get it" is not a gap in the law, especially now that the 2024 amendments have actually moved the law in favour of genuinely child-focused reasoning. It is a gap in what the lawyer does not know how to do, and a gap in what the parent brings to the process. Both are closable. One is only closable by you. Danielle also names the feedback loop that keeps the system stuck - the way lawyers' outcome predictions become self-fulfilling when clients defer to them, and the way individual informed parents holding firm slowly reshape what lawyers tell the next parent who sits across from them. Your case is not just your case. When you hold firm, when you bring the knowledge, when you achieve the outcome the developmental science supports and the lawyer said was hard to get, you become a data point. A small, specific contribution to the evidence base that eventually shifts what lawyers tell the next parent. The system was not built to see your children. You were. And in a system that has never been required to prioritise what children need, a parent who arrives knowing exactly what their children need, and why, and how to demonstrate it, is a genuinely powerful force. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work. Module 17 covers coercive control. Module 19 covers parental alienation. Module 16 is the capacity work. The whole of the Blueprint is built for exactly what this series has been describing - equipping protective parents to bring into the room the knowledge the system never required its practitioners to have. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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  • June 24 · 48 min

    110. Working as intended - Part 3: The standard - How to tell who actually knows what your children need

    "Child-focused." Two words that appear on the website of virtually every practitioner in the post-separation space. Every lawyer. Every mediator. Every divorce coach. Every family therapist. Every family report writer. The language is everywhere - and in part 3 of Working As Intended, Danielle walks you through how to tell, in thirty seconds, whether the person using those two words actually has the knowledge they're claiming. This episode widens the lens beyond the legal profession to the entire industry that has built itself around post-separation parenting. It opens on a family doctor advising a mother with serious safety concerns about her ex's capacity to care for their two-year-old to "give him a chance, how else is he going to learn." From there, the episode walks profession by profession - coaching, mediation, post-separation parenting programs, parenting orders programs, family therapy, the professional development circuit - naming what the credential actually requires and what it does not. The episode also introduces an argument Danielle hasn't made publicly before: that family report writers are the load-bearing role for the entire family law system's claim to be child-focused. Every other professional in the system who has not been required to study child development has, in effect, outsourced that requirement to the report writer. If the report writer doesn't have the knowledge either - and there is no uniform requirement that they do - the system has no foundation under any of its claims about children's best interests. A specific anonymised case example - a play therapist identifying a trauma response, a family report writer reading the same presentation as grief - lands the cost in concrete terms. The episode closes with the one question to ask every practitioner in this space, the test that takes thirty seconds and tells you almost everything you need to know about whether you are going to trust them with your children's story. A dedicated standalone episode on family report writers will follow the conclusion of the Working As Intended series. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents bringing the knowledge the system never required its practitioners to have. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

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