The Messy Middle Podcast

37 | Stop Earning Love: Redefine Your Worth

What if you've spent years trying to become the version of yourself you think is easiest to love? I think a lot of women would say they don't believe love has to be earned. But then we look at what it actually looks like in their relationships, and sometimes there's a very different story underneath. In this episode, I’m digging into what happens when you stop auditioning for love and start asking a much more interesting question: What am I choosing? We talk about: How “earning love” can hide inside being endlessly helpful, understanding, loyal and forgiving Why understanding someone's trauma doesn't mean you have to tolerate their behavior The difference between unconditional love and relationships that absolutely need conditions Why you don't have to stop loving someone before deciding they're unsafe or no longer right for you How women can end up with a dangerously low bar for what they're entitled to expect from a partner Why potential is not evidence of who someone actually is What changes when being single becomes a genuinely acceptable outcome rather than something you need to escape How building a life you love changes the way you evaluate romantic relationships Why partnership should add to your life, not require the erosion of you The shift from asking “How do I become someone worth choosing?” to “What am I choosing?” You don't have to prove how deeply you love somebody by demonstrating how much you're willing to tolerate. And you absolutely don't need a romantic partner to validate the life you've built. Love can be wonderful. Partnership can be wonderful. But neither should require your disappearance. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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36 | Why Rest Feels Wrong, Even When You're Exhausted...

Have you ever finally sat down… only to get back up again 30 seconds later? Why does rest feel wrong when you're completely fucking exhausted? And even when you do sit down, your body might be on the sofa while your nervous system is still clocked in. I see this all the time with the women I work with - and I've experienced it myself. We often think we're bad at resting. That we need to learn better self-care. That we just need to manage our time better or become better at switching off. But I think there's something much deeper going on. What if you were never actually taught that rest was something you were allowed to have? What if you learned that you had to earn it? And when your worth has become tangled up with being useful, responsible, available, needed or endlessly capable, stopping can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. In this episode, I talk about: Why so many women feel guilty when they sit down The difference between being physically still and actually being at rest How invisible labour and cognitive load keep your nervous system permanently “on” Why “just practice better self-care” completely misses the bigger picture How women are taught to earn their worth through usefulness, performance and caretaking Why stopping can feel unsafe when your nervous system has learned that usefulness keeps you safe Why you don't need to become more productive, disciplined or efficient How learning to rest can actually be an act of self-trust A simple 10-minute experiment to notice what your mind says the moment you stop Because I don't think the goal is to become a woman who never does anything for anyone else. I think it's being able to love deeply without disappearing. To give generously without becoming completely empty. And to rest without putting yourself on trial. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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35 | Why Do You Replay Conversations in Your Head?

Why do you replay conversations in your head long after they’re over? You know the drill. Three days later, you’re in the shower, driving, folding laundry or making dinner - and suddenly you’re replaying that conversation again. What they said. What you said. What you should have said. What you’ll say if it ever happens again. And somehow, your brain has turned one awkward conversation into a full Netflix series. But what if this isn’t simply “overthinking”? In this episode of The Messy Middle, we explore the fascinating connection between replaying conversations, self-policing, emotional abuse and the inner critic that can quietly take over your life. Because after years of criticism, shame, emotional unpredictability or abuse, you may have learned to criticize yourself before someone else can. Your nervous system may have decided that if you can catch your mistakes first, anticipate every possible reaction and constantly monitor yourself, you’ll stay safe. The problem? Eventually, you may stop realizing that the voice doing all that criticizing isn't actually you. We talk about: Why your brain may be replaying the feeling of a conversation rather than the conversation itself How emotional abuse can leave you policing yourself long after the abuser is gone Why the inner critic may be made up of voices you've collected throughout your life How perfectionism can turn every interaction into an internal performance review The connection between your inner dialogue, your nervous system and your physical state Why you don't need to argue with your inner critic - you just need to stop giving it voting rights And the simple exercise Erica uses to help women identify whose voice they're actually hearing You'll also get a practical exercise to try the next time you catch yourself replaying a conversation: Don't try to stop the thought. Catch it. Write down the first sentence exactly as it appears - and ask yourself: “Who does that sound like?” Because awareness is where the shift begins. You are not crazy. You are not broken. And that relentless voice in your head may not be your wisdom at all. It might just be an old survival strategy that forgot to retire. The question isn't always “Is this thought true?” Sometimes, the better question is: “Is this thought useful?” 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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34 | Why Small Decisions Feel So Overwhelming After Narcissistic Abuse

Have you ever spent more time choosing a coffee, a shampoo, or a paint color than you did making one of the biggest decisions of your life? If you've left a controlling, manipulative, or narcissistic relationship, you're not imagining it. Those tiny everyday decisions can feel surprisingly overwhelming - and it isn't because you're bad at making choices. In this episode, we explore why survivors often lose trust in their own judgment, how years of criticism and gaslighting condition your nervous system to see even small decisions as dangerous, and why the hardest part of recovery isn't always leaving - it's learning to choose for yourself again. You'll discover why self-trust isn't about always making the "right" decision. It's about believing you'll be okay, even if you don't. In this episode, you'll learn: Why everyday decisions can feel harder than life-changing ones. How narcissistic abuse disconnects you from your own preferences and intuition. The difference between surviving and truly choosing. Why gathering more information rarely creates more confidence. A simple exercise to begin rebuilding self-trust one small decision at a time. If you've ever caught yourself asking, "Can I run something by you?" or "What would you do?" before making even the smallest choice, this conversation will help you understand why - and show you the first steps toward trusting yourself again. Because healing isn't about becoming someone who never gets it wrong. It's about becoming someone who knows she'll never abandon herself again. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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33 | The Urge to Explain Yourself (Even When You Don't Need To)

Have you ever noticed how saying a simple "No, I can't make it" somehow turns into a five-minute explanation? You start listing your schedule, apologizing, justifying your decision, and trying to make sure the other person understands... even though they never asked for all the details. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. In this episode of The Messy Middle, we're unpacking one of the most common survival patterns after emotional and narcissistic abuse: over-explaining. Because over-explaining isn't really about sharing information. It's often about trying to manage someone else's disappointment, avoid conflict, earn permission, or prove that your boundary is "reasonable." Together, we'll explore: Why so many survivors feel compelled to justify every decision How childhood conditioning and abusive relationships teach us that "no" isn't enough The hidden difference between being kind and negotiating your own boundaries Why some people keep asking "why"—not because they don't understand, but because they don't like your answer How over-explaining becomes an attempt to prevent rejection Why someone else's disappointment is not your responsibility to fix The surprising power of silence after you've said what you need to say A simple practice to help you notice when you're explaining out of fear instead of choice If you've ever caught yourself thinking: "I hope they don't think I'm selfish." "Maybe I should explain a little more..." "I don't want them to be upset with me." ...this episode is for you. Your boundary is not a courtroom. You don't need to present evidence before you're allowed to say no. Your needs don't become valid because someone else agrees with them. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is trust that your first answer was enough. Listen now and discover why you don't have to earn the right to take up space - you already have it. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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32 | When Healing Becomes Another Place To Hide

Can healing ever become a way of avoiding life? It sounds like a strange question... but if you've been reading all the books, listening to every podcast, taking every course, journaling endlessly, and still feel like your life isn't actually changing, this episode is for you. In this honest and thought-provoking conversation, we explore a pattern I see time and time again with survivors of narcissistic abuse: the moment when learning and self-awareness quietly become a substitute for taking action. Because understanding yourself is powerful. But eventually, understanding has to become living. In this episode, you'll discover: How "healing" can unintentionally become another place to hid Why your nervous system often prefers preparation over action The difference between understanding your patterns and changing your life Why readiness usually comes after courage, not before it A simple exercise to help you identify the one action you've been postponing while you keep preparing If you've been waiting for one more book, one more breakthrough, one more course, or one more sign before you finally start living your life... ...this episode is your sign. Because your next chapter probably isn't hiding inside another workbook. It's waiting in the boundary you've been avoiding. The conversation you've been putting off. The decision you've known you needed to make. Healing was never meant to become your identity. It was meant to help you reclaim your life. Listen now, and ask yourself one powerful question: 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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31 | The Guilt of Being Happy Again After Narcissistic Abuse

Have you ever caught yourself laughing, enjoying a peaceful day, or realizing you hadn't thought about your ex for hours... only to be hit by an unexpected wave of guilt? If you've experienced emotional or narcissistic abuse, happiness can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Not because you don't want it but because your nervous system learned that peace never lasted. In this episode of The Messy Middle, I explore why so many survivors feel guilty when life starts getting better, why joy can feel unsafe after trauma, and how healing isn't about forgetting what happened. It's about finally giving yourself permission to live again. Inside this episode, you'll discover: Why happiness can trigger guilt after narcissistic abuse How trauma teaches your nervous system to expect the worst Why you don't have to keep suffering to prove your pain was real The hidden fear of "moving on too soon" Why your ex appearing happy doesn't mean they're healthier How to stop interrupting your own joy A simple somatic practice to help you feel safe experiencing happiness again If you've ever thought: "Am I allowed to be happy?" "What if moving forward means I'm forgetting what happened?" "Why do I feel guilty when life is finally getting better?" This episode is for you. Listen now, and give yourself permission to stop surviving... and start living. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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30 | Why You Can't Just "Let It Go" - Let's Talk About Anger

You escaped the relationship. You survived the chaos. So why are you suddenly so angry? If you've found yourself feeling unexpectedly furious months or even years after leaving a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship, you're not going backwards. You're healing. In this episode of The Messy Middle, we explore why anger often arrives long after the relationship ends, why so many women fear it, and why healthy anger is one of the clearest signs that your nervous system finally feels safe enough to tell you the truth. You'll learn: Why survivors often suppress anger during abusive relationships The connection between trauma, the nervous system, and delayed anger Why women are conditioned to fear their own anger The difference between healthy anger, resentment, and abusive rage How anger helps rebuild boundaries, self-respect, and confidence Why becoming "less tolerant" isn't becoming bitter. It's becoming honest. A simple somatic practice to safely process anger when it shows up If you've ever wondered: "Why didn't I leave sooner?" "Why am I only getting angry now?" "What if I'm becoming bitter?" This conversation is for you. Your anger isn't a sign that you're failing at healing. It may be the part of you that finally loves you enough to stop accepting what hurt you. If this episode resonates, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that their anger isn't the enemy. It might just be the beginning of coming home to themselves. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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29 | Why Healing After Abuse Takes Longer Than You Think

How long should healing take after narcissistic abuse? What if you're still thinking about it years later? If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I should be over this by now," this episode is for you. One of the biggest traps survivors fall into isn't staying stuck. It's believing they shouldn't still be affected by what happened. Society expects you to move on, stop talking about it, and become the "better" version of yourself on someone else's timeline. But recovering from emotional abuse isn't the same as getting over a normal breakup. In this episode, I explore why that quiet pressure to "just move on" creates shame, why healing after betrayal and coercive control is far more complex than people realize, and why you're not failing simply because you're still making sense of what happened. You'll learn: Why the thought "I should be over this by now" is so common after narcissistic abuse How society pressures survivors to recover in ways that make everyone else more comfortable Why emotional abuse isn't just heartbreak. It's the collapse of trust, identity, safety, and reality itself Why your ex appearing "fine" says nothing about your healing The powerful question to ask instead of "Why am I not over this yet?" If you've been judging yourself for still feeling angry, grieving, confused, or deeply affected months or even years later, this conversation will remind you of one important truth: You're not healing on the wrong timeline. You're healing from something that changed your entire reality. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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28 | Why You Feel Behind in Life After Narcissistic Abuse

Do you ever look around and feel like everyone else got the life you were supposed to have? The stable relationship. The career. The home. The confidence. The clear direction. Meanwhile, you're trying to rebuild after emotional abuse, betrayal, divorce, coercive control, or years spent surviving instead of thriving. In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the painful belief that you're somehow "behind" in life, and why that feeling is so common for survivors of narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. When you've spent years managing someone else's moods, walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, carrying the mental load, or simply trying to survive, it's easy to look back and feel like you've lost time. But what if you're comparing yourself to a timeline that was never yours to begin with? Together we unpack: Why survivors often feel left behind while everyone else seems to be moving forward The hidden cost of spending years in survival mode How social media and comparison can distort reality Why you're not comparing apples to apples when you compare your journey to someone else's The grief of the life you thought you'd have by now Why healing isn't about catching up, it's about creating a life that actually fits you This episode is a powerful reminder that you're not failing, broken, or late. You've simply lived through experiences that shaped your path differently. And from here, you get to build a life based on what matters to you, not what looks good from the outside. If you've been carrying that quiet ache that says "I should be further along by now," this conversation is for you. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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27 | Why Healing Doesn't Feel the Way You Expected

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I seem okay on the outside... but inside I'm still struggling"? After narcissistic abuse, emotional control, betrayal, or a high-conflict separation, many women find themselves functioning long before they feel healed. You're going to work, looking after the kids, handling responsibilities, showing up for everyone else, and from the outside it might seem like you've moved on. But underneath? You're still carrying grief, triggers, confusion, anger, and moments that knock the wind out of you. In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the uncomfortable feeling that you're somehow "faking" your healing because the version the world sees doesn't always match what's happening inside. She unpacks why functioning is often mistaken for recovery, how societal pressure can make you feel like you should be "over it by now," and why healing is never as neat or linear as people expect. You'll learn: Why healing and functioning are not the same thing How shame and unrealistic timelines keep women judging their own recovery Why feeling triggered doesn't mean you've gone backwards The difference between processing and being stuck How real healing often shows up in quiet, subtle ways Why you can be moving forward and still be affected at the same time If you've been wondering whether you're doing recovery "wrong" because you're still having hard days, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't a performance, a personality, or a finish line. It's messy, layered, unpredictable, and completely human. You are not faking it. You're simply in the middle of it. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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26 | The 'Was it really that bad?" Thought Spiral..

One of the most confusing parts of recovery after narcissistic abuse or coercive control is the moment you catch yourself wondering: "Was it really that bad?" In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica dives into the painful spiral so many survivors experience after leaving an abusive relationship. The memories start to soften. The good moments rise to the surface. The loneliness feels louder than the harm. And before you know it, you're questioning your own reality all over again. If you've ever found yourself missing someone who hurt you, replaying the good times, or wondering whether you exaggerated what happened, this episode is for you. Erica explores why this happens, how gaslighting continues long after the relationship ends, and why your brain naturally tries to edit painful memories to reduce discomfort. She also explains why so many survivors question themselves, return to unhealthy relationships, or worry that they're somehow the problem. Inside this episode, you'll learn: Why your brain tends to remember the good moments first How loneliness can distort your perception of the past The lasting impact of gaslighting and self-doubt Why questioning yourself doesn't mean you're wrong How to stay anchored in reality without re-traumatizing yourself The difference between remembering isolated moments and looking at the overall pattern Why it's possible for good memories and harmful dynamics to exist at the same time This is a compassionate conversation about self-trust, healing, and staying connected to the truth of your experience when your mind starts rewriting the story. If you're caught in the "maybe it wasn't that bad" spiral, take a breath and press play. You are not alone, and there are very real reasons this happens. As always, send in your questions and Erica may answer them in a future episode. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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25 | Dating as a Practice Ground for Self-Trust

Dating after narcissistic abuse or coercive control can feel less like excitement… and more like a full-blown survival exam. In this episode, I’m talking about why dating after abuse often becomes loaded with pressure, hypervigilance, self-criticism, and endless overthinking. The “Am I gonna miss the red flags again?” spiral. The scanning. The second-guessing. The feeling that every interaction somehow determines whether you’ll end up hurt all over again. But what if dating wasn’t actually about finding “the one” right now? What if it became a practice ground for rebuilding self-trust instead? We dive into: Why dating apps and modern dating can feel so dysregulating after emotional abuse Using dating as a social experiment instead of a high-stakes performance How to stay connected to yourself while interacting with other people The small moments where self-trust is either built or abandoned The importance of noticing how your body feels after a date, not just during it Red flags to pay attention to, especially around misogyny, accountability, empathy, and control Why discernment is more important than perfection This episode is not about becoming cynical, guarded, or terrified of relationships. It’s about learning how to stop disappearing inside them. Because the goal isn’t to become perfect at spotting every bad person instantly. The goal is learning how to stay connected to yourself while gathering information, observing behavior, and trusting your own nervous system again. Dating becomes very different when the focus shifts from: “Do they like me?” to: “Do I actually like how I feel around them?” This is an episode about self-trust, nervous systems, boundaries, intuition, discernment, people-pleasing, healing after narcissistic abuse, and learning how to stop betraying yourself in tiny ways just to keep someone else comfortable. And somewhere in the middle of all that… you might actually start having fun again too. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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24 | The “Oh Hell No” Phase of Healing: When All You See are Red Flags

After narcissistic abuse or coercive control, there’s a phase nobody really talks about enough: the moment you go from missing red flags… to seeing them absolutely everywhere. In this episode, I’m talking about the hypervigilance that kicks in after emotional abuse recovery. That feeling where every comment, every inconsistency, every weird vibe suddenly feels loaded. Your nervous system is scanning constantly. Your body reacts before your brain can even catch up. You start wondering: Am I finally seeing clearly… or am I becoming too guarded? We dive into the overcorrection phase that so many survivors experience after leaving abusive relationships. The swing from over-explaining harmful behavior and giving endless benefit of the doubt… to wanting to run at the very first sign something feels “off.” I talk about: Why your nervous system starts flagging danger everywhere after coercive control The difference between discernment and hypervigilance How trauma can blur the line between noticing something and actually being unsafe Why not every uncomfortable moment is automatically a toxic pattern Learning to trust yourself again without shutting the whole world out The importance of observing behavior over time instead of rushing to conclusions Why your body reacts so strongly to familiarity after emotional abuse How self-trust and discernment are rebuilt slowly, through practice and awareness This episode is for the women who feel exhausted from constantly scanning, second-guessing, and trying to “get it right” early so they never end up trapped in abuse again. You are not broken for noticing more now. You are awake. Your awareness has expanded. And now comes the next part of healing: learning how to work with that awareness in a way that protects you without imprisoning you. As always, we’re talking nervous systems, somatics, self-trust, trauma responses, emotional safety, and the messy middle of healing after narcissistic abuse. And yes, I’ll still be reminding you to put your feet on the floor, breathe, and trust your damn self. 💛 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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23 | Dating After Abuse: Slower, Safer Sparks

If the idea of dating again still makes you feel physically ill, this episode is not for you yet, and that is completely okay. But if you have got to the point where you are dipping a toe back in, or even just thinking about it, this one is for you. Because something strange happens when you start dating after narcissistic abuse or a high control relationship. You expect to be better at spotting the warning signs. And in some ways, you are. But there is another layer that nobody really prepares you for. Your body is still wired to respond to what it got used to. That intense, fast-moving, all-consuming feeling you might get with someone new? A lot of the time that is not chemistry. That is your nervous system recognising a familiar pattern. And the person who is steady, consistent, and actually shows up? They can feel flat. Boring, even. And that is exactly where things get confusing. In this episode I get into: Why your nervous system can make red flags feel like chemistry and safety feel like a disappointment The difference between activation and actual connection, and why it matters so much at this stage Why words like "boring" and "something's missing" might actually be really good signs How the old conditioning comes back online when something feels slightly off and you start negotiating with yourself instead of trusting your gut Why dating after abuse is less about spotting red flags faster and more about slowing everything down The specific things worth paying attention to that go way beyond what someone says Why you are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and not get it perfect You do not have to go into this with perfect discernment. You are allowed to learn as you go. And if dating feels confusing right now, that does not mean you have gone backwards. It means your system is recalibrating. And instead of asking yourself why you are not feeling it, try asking this instead: what is this reminding me of? That question will tell you everything. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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22 | Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About

Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About There is a moment that hits almost every woman after she leaves. Sometimes it is not right away. Sometimes it is weeks later, late at night, looking at her phone or her bank account, and it lands like a quiet, heavy dread. I am on my own. And I am going to have to fight for everything. This week I am talking about financial fear after narcissistic abuse, and I want to be honest about how much bigger this is than most people give it credit for. I have lived it. I see it every single week with the women I work with. And I think it is one of the most isolating parts of leaving, partly because so many women feel embarrassed to say it out loud. In this episode I get into: How financial control creeps in slowly and why it is so easy to miss while you are in it Why the aftermath is not just emotional, it is practical, and often deliberately designed to keep you in survival mode The two ways most women respond to financial fear after leaving, and why both make complete sense Why money after abuse is really about safety, self-trust, and whether you believe you can take care of yourself Why so many women come out the other side with a clearer, more conscious relationship with money than they ever had before This is not about being good with money. It is about not being in the dark anymore. Because being in the dark is where your power got taken in the first place. If money feels heavy or looming right now, you are not behind. You are not incapable. You are in the middle of learning something you were probably never properly taught. And you will absolutely smash it. I promise. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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21 | The Quiet Grief of "Wasted Years"

In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.” It’s that heavy moment of looking back at a relationship and thinking, I lost myself in that. Sometimes it’s years, sometimes decades. And it often comes with shame, confusion, and a harsh inner narrative that says you should have known better. But what if that whole story is built on hindsight that your past self simply didn’t have access to yet? Let’s get into it. In this episode, I cover: The quiet, often unspoken grief that shows up after narcissistic abuse and emotional control Why “I should have left sooner” is usually hindsight talking, not truth How abuse dynamics, coercive control, and gaslighting distort your perception while you’re inside them Why your brain rewrites the past once you finally learn the language for what happened How survival, timing, and nervous system capacity all shape when you were able to see and act Why those “wasted years” are often years of adaptation, not failure The shift that happens when grief turns into clarity, discernment, and self-trust How survivors often emerge from this stage with a strong refusal to lose themselves again This episode is not about reframing pain into positivity or skipping over grief. It’s about giving it space, naming it properly, and removing the self-blame that so often gets attached to it. Because once you understand what you were actually navigating, the question stops being “Why did I stay?” and starts becoming “How did I survive that?” And that shift changes everything about how you move forward. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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20 | Rebuilding Self-Trust After Manipulation & Abuse

If you've ever walked away from a controlling or abusive relationship and found yourself completely frozen over the smallest decisions — what to wear, whether to text someone back, what to order for lunch — this episode is for you. It's not just that you stop trusting them after manipulation, control, or abuse. You stop trusting yourself. And that's the part nobody really talks about. Your internal compass gets scrambled. Not because you're broken, but because you were trained to override it. Over time, the loudest voice in your head stops being yours. It becomes theirs. And once you understand that, everything starts to make a little more sense. In this episode, we cover: Why making even basic decisions can feel debilitating after leaving a controlling relationship How self-trust gets eroded slowly and quietly, not all at once Why that harsh inner critic voice is often not yours, and whose it actually is Why big, dramatic reinventions won't rebuild self-trust, and what actually will How to use micro-decisions as daily medicine for your nervous system What the freeze response really looks like, and how to gently bring choice back online The guilt wave that shows up when you start putting yourself first A simple end-of-day journaling practice to start reconnecting with your own signals You don't rebuild self-trust with grand gestures or sweeping life overhauls. You rebuild it by choosing your lunch for the right reasons, leaving when you said you would, or following a tiny impulse and noticing how your body responds. It's unsexy. It's repetitive. And it is some of the most radical work you will ever do. You didn't lose your intuition. It just hasn't been listened to in a very long time. Let's change that. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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19 | Why You´ll Lose Your Friends After Leaving High-Control Relationship

No one prepares you for this part. You think leaving the relationship will be the hardest thing… until your world starts getting smaller in ways you didn’t expect. In this raw and honest episode, I dive into the social fallout that often follows leaving a narcissistic or high-control relationship. The friendships that fade. The family members who stay neutral. The quiet distance. The subtle disbelief. The gut-punch comments like “it takes two.” And the part that hurts the most? Wondering if it’s somehow your fault. I break down why this happens, not to scare you, but to free you from the shame spiral that so many women fall into when their support system shifts or disappears. Inside this episode, wcovers: Why you may lose up to 80% of your social circle after leaving How “neutrality” often protects the person who caused harm The role of bystander inaction and why people don’t step up Secondary isolation and why leaving can feel just as lonely as staying The subtle ways people question your reality and how that impacts your healing Why some friendships were built on proximity, not depth The unexpected clarity and empowerment that can come from this loss This isn’t just about grief. It’s about rebuilding. Because while this phase can feel deeply lonely, it’s also where you start choosing differently. Where you stop performing, stop appeasing, and start aligning with what actually feels safe, real, and true. If your world got smaller after you left, this episode will help you understand why… and remind you that you didn’t make the wrong choice. You didn’t lose everything. You’re making space for something better. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

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18 | "I'll Never Need Anyone Again" Hyper Independence Phase

“I’ll never need anyone again.” If you’ve said this (out loud or quietly to yourself) after coercive control, betrayal, divorce, or going no contact… this episode is for you. In this conversation, I’m unpacking the very real phase so many women enter after high-control or narcissistic relationships: the swing from “I can’t survive without them” to “I will never depend on anyone ever again.” And I want to normalize this immediately: That response makes sense. If trusting someone meant humiliation… If vulnerability meant punishment… If needing support gave someone leverage over you… Of course your nervous system would decide: I’ll handle everything myself. But there’s nuance here. In this episode, I break down: The difference between hyper-independence and the sacred cocoon phase Why becoming “the strong one” can turn into an identity (and quiet isolation) How armor protects you… and how it can also exhaust you The hidden cost of always being capable The difference between fear-based independence and healthy autonomy Why “I don’t need you” and “I don’t trust you won’t hurt me” are not the same sentence But there is a difference between healing solitude and fear-based exile - and learning to feel that distinction in your body is part of the work. This episode is not about rushing back into relationships. It’s not about convincing you to “open your heart” before you’re ready. Healing doesn’t mean becoming dependent again. It means expanding your capacity - inch by inch - so that connection no longer equals control, and support no longer equals weakness. You don’t need to be rescued. And you don’t need to be hardened forever either. You get to be sovereign. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.