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The Divorce Decision Podcast

Kari Hoskins

If you’re contemplating divorce, wondering whether your marriage can be rebuilt, or trying to make a clear decision without acting out of panic, fear, guilt, or pressure, this podcast is for you.

The Divorce Decision Podcast is for people in unhappy, uncertain, or emotionally painful marriages who are asking one of the hardest questions of their lives:
Should I stay, or should I go?

Hosted by Kari Hoskins, a professionally certified relationship coach with a Master’s Degree in Interpersonal Communication, this podcast takes an honest, balanced look at the real dynamics behind divorce decisions. We talk about the marriage patterns, communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, conflict cycles, resentment, trust issues, infidelity, and unresolved pain that lead couples to this crossroads.

You’ll hear conversations about:

how couples get here
what rebuilding a marriage actually looks like
what separation and divorce can look like
how to communicate when everything feels fragile
how to make a thoughtful, clear, regret-aware decision

What makes this podcast different is simple: there is no agenda here.
No pushing you to leave. No pressuring you to stay.

Because the truth is: leaving is scary, and staying is scary.

This podcast is here to help you slow down, understand what’s really happening in your relationship, and make one of the most painful and important decisions of your life with more clarity, honesty, and self-trust.

Kari has advanced training in couples coaching, trauma, relational coaching, conflict, infidelity, PTSD, and addiction, offering compassionate, grounded support for people facing the heartbreak, confusion, and complexity of relationship crossroads.

If you are struggling in your marriage, questioning divorce, or trying to figure out whether repair is possible, The Divorce Decision Podcast will give you practical insight, emotional clarity, and a more balanced conversation about staying, leaving, and everything in between.

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S2 · E72
Thursday · 10 min
Ep. 72 How Unspoken Expectations Fuel Resentment in Marriage
Are unmet expectations quietly building resentment in your marriage—and influencing whether you decide to stay or get divorced? When you're unhappy in your marriage, it's easy to start interpreting everything your spouse does—or doesn't do—as more evidence that things will never change. Every disappointment, every missed opportunity, every moment you think "He should know" or "She should know" gets added to a mental file of reasons your marriage isn't working. But what if some of that evidence is based on expectations your spouse didn't even know you had? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I'm talking about how unspoken expectations, unmet needs, and assumptions can quietly fuel resentment, emotional disconnection, and doubts about the future of your marriage. I'll share a real-life example from my coaching practice involving a couple married for 25 years that illustrates an important distinction: There's a big difference between a spouse who understands what you need and isn't willing to respond, and a spouse who doesn't actually know what you're expecting. And if you're contemplating divorce, understanding that difference matters. In this episode, I'll cover: · How unspoken expectations contribute to resentment and dissatisfaction in long-term marriages. · Why assuming your spouse "should just know" what you need can create unnecessary conflict. · How unmet expectations can become misleading evidence that your marriage can't improve. · The difference between a spouse who is unwilling to change and one who hasn't clearly understood what you're asking for. · Two practical communication strategies—making clear requests and using do-overs—that can help interrupt destructive relationship patterns. · How to use clear communication as an experiment to determine whether your spouse is willing and able to make meaningful changes. · Why the holiday season can intensify unmet expectations, resentment, and emotional disconnection. Ready for clarity about your marriage? If you're feeling stuck between staying and leaving, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. We'll explore what's happening in your relationship, what's keeping you stuck, and what you need to understand before deciding whether to rebuild your marriage or separate. Book your free consultation: https://kahoskins.com Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E71
October 29 · 18 min
Ep 71: At A Marriage Crossroad? 3 Types of Pain You Need to Understand
If you're unhappy in your marriage and wondering whether to stay or get divorced, you already know something hurts. But have you stopped to consider what kind of marital pain you are in? Can you identify it? Understanding why you're hurting can change how you approach your marriage and the decisions ahead. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I'm breaking down three types of pain I frequently see in couples at a crossroads: grief pain, fear pain, and empty-tank pain. We'll talk about: · Grief pain: What happens when your spouse is physically present but emotionally absent? And how do you grieve a relationship that hasn't actually ended? · Fear pain: How fears about money, loneliness, your children, or an uncertain future can keep you stuck in indecision. · Empty-tank pain: What happens when you've been carrying the weight of your marriage for so long that you don't know if you even care anymore? Why exhaustion can look like indifference, and what that means when you're questioning your marriage. I'll also share one simple question you can ask yourself when the hurt feels overwhelming. It's a question that can help you understand what you're experiencing before making a life-changing decision. Because not all marriage pain means the same thing. And not all pain calls for the same response. Whether you're hoping to repair your marriage, considering divorce, or somewhere in between, learning to identify what's really hurting is an important step toward clarity. Take my free "Should We Get a Divorce?" quiz, or book a call with me at kahoskins.com. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E70
October 22 · 16 min
Ep. 70: Has Self-Abandonment Contributed to Resentment in Your Marriage?
Are you resentful toward your husband or wife because of the sacrifices you've made, the decisions you regret, or the life you feel you've given up? Maybe you're questioning your marriage and wondering whether divorce is the answer. But what if some of the resentment you feel toward your spouse is connected to the ways you've abandoned your own needs along the way? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, we're exploring the connection between self-abandonment, resentment in marriage, people-pleasing, and the difficult decision to stay married or get divorced. Maybe you agreed to financial decisions you weren't comfortable with. Passed up career opportunities. Put your spouse's needs ahead of your own. Or spent years saying yes when you really wanted to say no. Over time, those choices can create deep resentment, emotional disconnection, and dissatisfaction in your marriage. But here's an important distinction: Are you truly done with your marriage, or are you done with the way you've been showing up in it? In this episode, we'll talk about: How self-abandonment and people-pleasing contribute to resentment in marriage. The difference between healthy compromise and repeatedly sacrificing your needs. Why you might blame your spouse for decisions you participated in. How setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself can change your marriage dynamics. What your spouse's response to your changing behavior reveals about whether your marriage can be repaired. Three questions to help you understand your resentment and gain clarity about staying married or getting divorced. Taking responsibility for your part doesn't mean blaming yourself, excusing your spouse, or committing to staying married. It means understanding what's really behind your unhappiness so you can make a more informed decision about your future. If you're stuck wondering, "Should I get a divorce?" or "Can my marriage be saved?" this episode will help you explore whether the problem is your marriage, the patterns you've developed within it, or both. Ready for more clarity? Take my free Should I Get a Divorce? quiz to discover which of the Six Stages of the Divorce Decision you're in and what that means for your next steps. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E69
October 15 · 18 min
Ep. 69: Can You Be Nice to Your Spouse When You're Considering Divorce?
Can you be kind to your spouse when you're not sure you want to stay married? Or does being nice send the wrong message? When you're questioning your marriage or considering divorce, even the smallest interactions can start to feel complicated. You want to thank your spouse for something thoughtful, offer a compliment, apologize for being unnecessarily harsh, or simply enjoy a pleasant conversation. But then you stop yourself. What if they think everything is okay? What if they think I've forgiven them? What if they assume I've decided to stay? So, instead of risking giving your spouse false hope, you hold back. You become less affectionate, less appreciative, and sometimes even less polite. But what if trying so hard not to send the wrong message is actually making an already unhappy marriage more miserable than it needs to be? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I'm talking about a struggle I see frequently in couples who are uncertain about their future together: withholding kindness, affection, and positive communication out of fear that their spouse will mistake it for a commitment to the marriage. We'll explore: Why ordinary gestures like compliments, apologies, and hugs can feel so complicated when you're considering divorce. How withholding kindness can create additional resentment, tension, and emotional distance. Why improving communication doesn't mean you've decided to repair your marriage. How to be warm and respectful while remaining honest about your uncertainty. Why changing the way you interact can help you determine whether your marriage is capable of improving. How healthier communication can benefit you even if you ultimately decide to separate. I'll also share three questions to help you recognize what you might be withholding, why you're withholding it, and what you could do differently without making promises about your future together. Because here's something important to remember: You don't have to make your present miserable just because your future is uncertain. Whether you're hoping to save your marriage, leaning toward divorce, or still trying to figure out what you want, learning to communicate with honesty and respect can help you move toward greater clarity. Still wondering, "Should I stay married or get a divorce?" Take my free Should I Get a Divorce? quiz to discover where you are in the decision-making process and what might be keeping you stuck. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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October 8 · 21 min
Ep. 68 Is Uncertainty Keeping You Stuck?
If you’re waiting to feel 100% certain before deciding whether to stay in your marriage or leave, you may be waiting for something that never comes. You want to know the kids will be okay. That you’ll be financially okay. That you won’t regret leaving. Or, if you’re considering staying, you want proof that your spouse will really change and that the marriage can become what you’ve been hoping for. The problem is that those guarantees don’t exist. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about the difference between certainty and clarity—and why confusing the two can keep you stuck at the crossroads for months or even years. We’ll talk about the “100% trap,” why doubt doesn’t automatically mean you’re making the wrong decision, and what clarity actually sounds like when you’re considering either rebuilding your marriage or moving toward divorce. I’ll also walk you through what I call the U-turn test: a way to recognize whether a hard moment is giving you genuinely new information—or whether fear, loneliness, guilt, hope, or disappointment is simply making you question a decision you’ve already spent a long time thinking through. Because whichever direction you choose, there will be difficult days. A bad fight after deciding to repair doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage can’t change. Feeling lonely after deciding to leave doesn’t necessarily mean you made a mistake. And seeing your spouse suddenly make changes after years of asking doesn’t automatically erase everything that brought you to your decision in the first place. The goal isn’t to reach a place where you never doubt yourself again. It’s to become clear enough about your direction that every hard day doesn’t send you back to square one. If you’ve been waiting for certainty before allowing yourself to move forward, this episode will help you think differently about what you actually need to make a decision that can hold. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E67
October 1 · 14 min
Ep. 67: The Pain You’re Trying to Avoid May Be the Pain You’re Prolonging
When you’re stuck trying to decide what to do about your marriage, your mind can spend a lot of time imagining everything that could go wrong. What if I stay and nothing ever changes? What if I leave and end up alone? What if I make the wrong decision and regret it? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about what I call anticipatory pain—the pain and difficult emotions we imagine we might experience after making a decision. But sometimes, there’s an important realization hiding underneath those fears: the pain you’re trying to avoid may already be the pain you’re experiencing. I’ll share the story of a client who realized that the lonely future he was so afraid of was remarkably similar to the life he was already living. And I’ll walk you through a simple two-page exercise to help you compare your feared future with what is actually happening in your marriage right now. This isn’t about convincing you to stay or leave. It’s about seeing your situation more clearly so you can stop making decisions—or avoiding them—based solely on fear. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E66
September 24 · 15 min
Ep. 66: I Know I Should Leave… So Why Can’t I?
You know your marriage isn’t working. Maybe there’s been repeated infidelity. Addiction. Years of disrespect. An unequal partnership. Broken trust. Or maybe you’ve carried the financial, emotional, and practical weight of the marriage for so long that you’re completely exhausted. You can see the problems clearly. You may even think, I know I should leave. So why can’t you? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about a very specific kind of stuck: when part of you believes leaving makes sense, but you still can’t bring yourself to make the decision. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re confused about your marriage. Sometimes you’re very clear about what’s wrong—you’re just not clear yet about what you want to do about it. I talk about the important difference between clarity about the problem and clarity about the decision, and why those two things don’t always arrive at the same time. I also explore why your head and your heart can seem to be giving you completely different answers. You can know someone has hurt you and still love them. You can recognize that the marriage cannot continue as it is and still not feel ready to let go. If you’ve been judging yourself because you think this decision “should” be easier, I hope this episode helps you understand why it may feel so complicated. If you’re caught in this back-and-forth, start by taking my Should We Get a Divorce? Quiz to better understand where you are in the decision-making process. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E65
September 17 · 17 min
Ep. 65 "But My Spouse Is A Good Person... "
He's a good dad." "She's never cheated." "Everybody loves them." If you're carrying guilt about questioning your marriage because your spouse is a good person, this episode is for you. So many of my clients feel guilty questioning their marriage because their spouse hasn't done anything "bad enough" to justify it. No affair. No addiction. No blowup. J Just years of emotional disconnection, resentment, or feeling more like roommates than partners. And because their spouse is objectively a good person, they talk themselves out of their own experience. Here's the truth: being married to a good person is not the same as having a good marriage. Both can be true at once — your spouse can be loyal and responsible and still leave you lonely. This week I'm breaking down the difference between guilt ("I shouldn't feel this way") and responsibility ("I do feel this way — now what?"), why some people almost wish their spouse would do something terrible just so they'd have permission to act, and the one question that matters more than "is my spouse a good person": what is it actually like to be married to each other? You don't need a villain. You need honesty. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E64
September 10 · 16 min
Ep. 64 How Coaching Can Help You Stop Going in Circles About Your Marriage
When you're at the Crossroads in your marriage, it can feel like you're having the same conversation with yourself over and over again. Should I stay? Should I leave? Have I tried hard enough? Am I reacting out of anger? Am I staying because I'm scared? What if I regret whatever I choose? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down what coaching actually does when you’re stuck in that place of uncertainty. This isn’t about someone telling you whether to stay married or get divorced. And it isn’t just talking about your problems for an hour. It’s about slowing the decision down enough to understand what is influencing it. We’ll talk about why resentment can make it difficult to see your marriage clearly, and how unresolved hurt can start shaping the way you interpret everything your spouse does. Then we’ll look at the fear that often shows up underneath the decision. What if I’m alone forever? What if my kids resent me? What if I can’t afford to leave? What if I stay and nothing ever changes? What if I look back five years from now and wish I had left? Some of those concerns are real problems that need information, planning, or professional guidance. Others are possibilities your brain is treating like facts. Learning to tell the difference can change the way you approach the entire decision. I’ll also walk you through some of the questions I use to help people evaluate the marriage itself, including whether there is ownership, respect, meaningful change, and enough willingness on both sides to build something different. Because at the Crossroads, the goal isn’t to force yourself into a decision as quickly as possible. The goal is to get clear enough that whatever you decide—rebuilding the marriage or ending it—you understand why you’re choosing it and can stand behind that choice. In this episode, you’ll learn: · Why resentment can interfere with your ability to evaluate your marriage clearly · How to separate practical concerns from fear-based predictions · Why both staying and leaving can come with fear · What coaching actually looks like when you’re trying to make a marriage decision · The questions that help you evaluate whether meaningful repair is possible · How to move from endlessly thinking about the decision toward greater clarity and confidence If you’ve been going back and forth about your marriage and wondering why you still can’t seem to land anywhere, this episode will help you understand what may be keeping you stuck—and what it actually looks like to start sorting through it. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E63
September 3 · 12 min
Ep. 63 Should You Stay, Leave, or Keep Waiting?
Do you feel torn between staying, leaving, or waiting? Stage Five of the divorce decision process is the Crossroads, and it's one of the most exhausting places to be. In this episode, I'm breaking down why this stage feels like fighting a war inside your own head, what keeps people stuck here, and the two questions that can bring real clarity: what do you actually want, and what are you afraid will happen if you choose it? If you've been asking yourself "should I stay or should I go" on repeat with no answer, this episode will help you slow down and ask better questions instead. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E62
August 27 · 15 min
Ep. 62 Letting Go Of Resentment Doesn’t Mean Forgiving, Forgetting, or Staying
If resentment has become a major part of your marriage, you may assume that letting go of it means forgiving your spouse, excusing what happened, or deciding to stay. It doesn’t. In this episode, I’m staying with Stage Four: The Fracture a little longer to talk about what resentment actually is, why it can become so emotionally exhausting, and what it really means to begin working through it. I’ll explain why resentment is more than simply remembering what happened. It’s often the experience of emotionally reliving the hurt again and again—and allowing past injuries to shape the way you interpret what is happening in your marriage today. We’ll also clear up some common misconceptions. Letting go of resentment does not mean saying the past was okay, automatically forgiving your spouse, having a dramatic conversation, or giving up your right to leave the marriage. Most importantly, I’ll talk about why resentment work matters no matter what you ultimately decide. If you stay and rebuild, unresolved resentment can keep old pain alive in every new interaction. If you leave, resentment can follow you long after the marriage ends—and even affect future relationships. The goal isn’t to see your marriage more positively. It’s to see it more accurately, so your decision comes from clarity rather than accumulated anger and bitterness. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E61
August 20 · 23 min
Ep. 61: Is Resentment Making You Question Your Marriage?
You used to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Now you don't. Somewhere along the way, the small stuff stopped feeling small. The forgotten text, the late pickup, the dishes left again — they don't just annoy you anymore. They feel like proof of something. And when your spouse apologizes now, some part of you doesn't quite believe it. If you're guarded instead of tender. If you're keeping score without meaning to. If effort from your spouse gets met with suspicion instead of relief — you're not broken, and you're not imagining it. You're in one of the most consequential stages of the divorce decision process, the one where resentment quietly hardens into self-protection. In this episode, we break down why this kind of resentment is fundamentally different from the friction every long-term couple feels — using an analogy that makes the shift impossible to unsee. We'll cover the signs you're in this stage, what's actually driving it beneath the surface, and the real risk of staying here too long: a heart that closes faster than it can be reopened. Plus, reflection questions to help you find out what's really underneath the anger. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E60
August 13 · 22 min
Ep. 60: The Testing Stage — 4 Mistakes That Can Sabotage Real Change
You told your spouse something has to change. And now you’re watching. Are they following through? Is the effort real? Will it last—or are things eventually going to slide right back to the way they were before? Welcome to Stage 3: Testing. In this episode, I’m talking about four of the most common mistakes I see people make during this stage of the divorce decision process—and how those mistakes can make it much harder to figure out whether your marriage is actually changing. I’ll talk about what happens when you expect your spouse to meet a standard you never clearly communicated, why one bad night doesn’t necessarily erase months of progress, and how unrealistic expectations can make genuine change almost impossible to recognize. We’ll also get into one of the hardest parts of Testing: figuring out whether you’re evaluating the person standing in front of you today—or still judging them entirely by who they’ve been in the past. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to tell whether you’re actually in the Testing stage Why you need to clearly define what you’re asking your spouse to change How to distinguish a normal setback from a return to an old pattern Why sustainable change should be evaluated over time rather than moment by moment How past hurt can make it difficult to recognize progress happening in the present Why Testing can’t be entirely about what your spouse needs to change—you have a role in the relationship dynamic, too How to recognize when “too little, too late” may mean you’ve already moved beyond Testing and into a later stage of the divorce decision Testing isn’t about waiting for your spouse to become a completely different person. It’s about getting enough clear, honest information to answer a much bigger question: Is meaningful, lasting change actually possible here? Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E59
August 6 · 21 min
Ep. 59: Stage 2 Truth Telling -"I Need You to Understand How Serious This Has Become"
If you've been hinting at how unhappy you are and hoping your spouse will finally connect the dots — this episode is for you. In Stage One, you privately recognized something wasn't right. Stage Two is where that private knowing becomes a conversation. Not another argument about the dishes or the phone or who forgot what — but the real, direct conversation about what this has started to mean for you and for your marriage. I'm walking you through what Truth Telling actually sounds like, why waiting to have this conversation changes it (and not for the better), and why "we've talked about this a hundred times" often means you've argued about the symptoms without ever naming what's underneath them. I'll also give you a simple framework for starting the conversation, what to watch for if you're the one hearing it from your spouse, and why the biggest risk here usually isn't the conversation itself — it's having it and feeling like it didn't matter. If you don't know what stage you're in, take my quiz, Should We Get a Divorce? at kahoskins.com — link in the show notes. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E58
July 30 · 22 min
Ep. 58: Stage 1- The Moment You Can't Pretend Anymore
Before anyone starts thinking about divorce, there's a quieter moment most people never talk about — the moment the unhappiness stops feeling temporary. Maybe it's a hum of loneliness that won't go away, even when your spouse is sitting right next to you. Maybe it's a string of small moments that were never really resolved, just carried. In this episode, we break down Stage One of the divorce decision process — what I call A Knowing — including what open loops are, why silence is the biggest risk of this stage, and the questions worth sitting with before you say anything out loud. If something in your marriage has been quietly not okay for a while, this episode will help you name it. I encourage you to take the Quiz, as it will help you as we walk through the Six Stages of the Divorce Decision Series. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E57
July 23 · 13 min
Ep. 57: The Missing Map For Couples Considering Divorce
If you've been asking yourself, "Should I stay or should I leave?" over and over again, this episode is for you. Many people spend four to five years contemplating divorce before making a decision. The problem isn't that you can't make up your mind—it's that you're trying to answer one question without realizing you're actually moving through a process. In this kickoff episode of my six-part series, I introduce The Six Stages of the Divorce Decision—the framework I use to help people understand where they are, why generic marriage advice often misses the mark, and what to focus on based on the stage they're in. In this episode, you'll learn: Why feeling torn doesn't necessarily mean you're confused—it may mean you're in transition. How understanding your stage can bring clarity and direction. Why the advice that's helpful in one stage can be completely wrong in another. A brief overview of all six stages, from A Knowing to Decision Point. This series isn't about convincing you to stay in your marriage or leave it. My goal is to help you understand what's happening beneath the surface so you can make the decision you'll regret the least—and move forward with greater confidence, clarity, and peace. If you haven't already, take the Should We Get a Divorce? quiz at kahoskins.com to discover which stage you're in. Then join me next week as we take a deeper dive into Stage One: A Knowing. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E56
July 16 · 21 min
Ep. 56: 3 Things Your Unhappiness Is Teaching You
If you're unhappy in your marriage, it's easy to get stuck pointing at the obvious stuff — the dishes he won't do, the phone she won't put down, the sex you're not having, the way he shuts down every time you bring something up. But what if the behavior isn't actually the problem? In today's episode, I break down three things your unhappiness is trying to teach you — if you can stop focusing on the unhappiness itself long enough to hear it. First, I talk about how almost every complaint is hiding an unmet need. "I need you to get a job" is rarely about the job — it's about not wanting to carry the family alone. "Can you put your phone down" is rarely about the phone — it's about wanting to feel like you're still chosen. I'll walk you through how to ask yourself the follow-up question that gets you to what you're actually missing: connection, partnership, to feel desired, to not feel alone. Second, I talk about the pattern running underneath your issues — the one where you bring something up and he gets defensive, so you get louder, so he shuts down further. Or where you avoid saying the thing to keep the peace, until it comes out sideways over coffee on a random Sunday morning. I'll ask you to shift from "what is my spouse doing wrong" to "how do I show up when I'm hurt" — because that's where the real clarity lives. Third, I talk about agency — and how many of us have quietly handed ours over while we wait. Waiting for him to initiate. Waiting for her to soften. Waiting for the apology that never really lands. I'll ask you what you're choosing every time you stay silent, avoid the hard conversation, or accept the same non-apology on repeat. My hope is that by the end of this episode, you're not asking "should I leave," but something more useful: what do I actually need, what have I already tried, and what am I no longer willing to keep repeating? Because the goal isn't to make a fast decision about your marriage — it's to make a clear one. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E55
July 2 · 9 min
Ep. 55: Is Your Conflict Normal? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself
Is the fighting in your marriage normal — or is it a sign of something deeper? Today, I'm answering one of the questions I get asked most by walking you through three simple signs to check in your own relationship. You'll learn: · Why the topic of a fight matters less than whether it stays on topic — and what it means when small arguments turn into old, unrelated hurts · The real difference between couples who repair after conflict and couples who just go quiet and move on without ever really moving on · Why silence, not yelling, is often the bigger warning sign in a struggling marriage · Three honest questions to ask yourself this week to get a clearer, more accurate read on where your marriage really stands This episode isn't about deciding if your marriage is doomed. It's about helping you see the pattern clearly, so you can stop guessing and start telling yourself the truth about what's actually happening. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E54
June 25 · 18 min
Ep. 54: Are You the Pursuer or the Withdrawer in Your Marriage?
What if the biggest problem in your marriage isn’t the topic you keep fighting about… but the pattern you fall into every time you try to talk about it? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down the pursuit-withdrawal cycle — also called the demand-withdraw cycle — and why it can quietly create resentment, loneliness, panic, shutdown, and emotional distance in a marriage. This is the pattern where one spouse pushes for answers, connection, reassurance, repair, or change… and the other spouse pulls away, shuts down, gets defensive, goes silent, or leaves the conversation altogether. And here’s the hard part: both people usually feel completely justified. The pursuer feels abandoned, dismissed, and like they’re the only one who cares. The withdrawer feels pressured, criticized, overwhelmed, and like there is no right answer. Over time, this cycle can make both spouses feel like victims — and both become more convinced the other person is the problem. In this episode, I’ll help you recognize which side of the cycle you may be on, why this pattern escalates so quickly, why silence can feel like peace when it’s actually disengagement, and what it takes to begin interrupting the cycle before it causes deeper damage. And if you’re in the complicated middle — wondering if your marriage can be repaired or if you’re moving toward divorce — this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly so you can decide what needs to happen next. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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S2 · E53
June 18 · 16 min
Ep. 53: Hard Season or Marriage Crossroads? Here's How To Know
Is your marriage going through a hard season, or are you standing at a real crossroads? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins helps you tell the difference between a temporary rough patch and a deeper marriage crisis. When you’re unhappy, disconnected, resentful, or emotionally exhausted, it can be hard to know what is actually happening. Is this stress? Is it burnout? Is it parenting, money, grief, or a difficult year? Or has something more serious shifted in the relationship? Kari explains why this distinction matters so much. If you treat a hard season like a marriage-ending crisis, you may make decisions from fear or exhaustion. But if you treat a true crossroads like “just a rough patch,” you may stay stuck for years, waiting for things to magically get better while resentment continues to grow. In this episode, you’ll learn the signs of a hard season, the signs of a marriage crossroads, and the difference between a passing divorce fantasy and the deeper shift that happens when divorce becomes something you are seriously considering. This conversation is for anyone who has been asking, “Should I stay? Should I go? Is this fixable? Or am I avoiding the truth?” You do not need to have the answer today. But you do need a clearer way to understand the question. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com
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