The Divorce Decision Podcast

Ep. 63 Should You Stay, Leave, or Keep Waiting?

Do you feel torn between staying, leaving, or waiting? Stage Five of the divorce decision process is the Crossroads, and it's one of the most exhausting places to be. In this episode, I'm breaking down why this stage feels like fighting a war inside your own head, what keeps people stuck here, and the two questions that can bring real clarity: what do you actually want, and what are you afraid will happen if you choose it? If you've been asking yourself "should I stay or should I go" on repeat with no answer, this episode will help you slow down and ask better questions instead. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 62 Letting Go Of Resentment Doesn’t Mean Forgiving, Forgetting, or Staying

If resentment has become a major part of your marriage, you may assume that letting go of it means forgiving your spouse, excusing what happened, or deciding to stay. It doesn’t. In this episode, I’m staying with Stage Four: The Fracture a little longer to talk about what resentment actually is, why it can become so emotionally exhausting, and what it really means to begin working through it. I’ll explain why resentment is more than simply remembering what happened. It’s often the experience of emotionally reliving the hurt again and again—and allowing past injuries to shape the way you interpret what is happening in your marriage today. We’ll also clear up some common misconceptions. Letting go of resentment does not mean saying the past was okay, automatically forgiving your spouse, having a dramatic conversation, or giving up your right to leave the marriage. Most importantly, I’ll talk about why resentment work matters no matter what you ultimately decide. If you stay and rebuild, unresolved resentment can keep old pain alive in every new interaction. If you leave, resentment can follow you long after the marriage ends—and even affect future relationships. The goal isn’t to see your marriage more positively. It’s to see it more accurately, so your decision comes from clarity rather than accumulated anger and bitterness. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 61: Is Resentment Making You Question Your Marriage?

You used to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Now you don't. Somewhere along the way, the small stuff stopped feeling small. The forgotten text, the late pickup, the dishes left again — they don't just annoy you anymore. They feel like proof of something. And when your spouse apologizes now, some part of you doesn't quite believe it. If you're guarded instead of tender. If you're keeping score without meaning to. If effort from your spouse gets met with suspicion instead of relief — you're not broken, and you're not imagining it. You're in one of the most consequential stages of the divorce decision process, the one where resentment quietly hardens into self-protection. In this episode, we break down why this kind of resentment is fundamentally different from the friction every long-term couple feels — using an analogy that makes the shift impossible to unsee. We'll cover the signs you're in this stage, what's actually driving it beneath the surface, and the real risk of staying here too long: a heart that closes faster than it can be reopened. Plus, reflection questions to help you find out what's really underneath the anger. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 60: The Testing Stage — 4 Mistakes That Can Sabotage Real Change

You told your spouse something has to change. And now you’re watching. Are they following through? Is the effort real? Will it last—or are things eventually going to slide right back to the way they were before? Welcome to Stage 3: Testing. In this episode, I’m talking about four of the most common mistakes I see people make during this stage of the divorce decision process—and how those mistakes can make it much harder to figure out whether your marriage is actually changing. I’ll talk about what happens when you expect your spouse to meet a standard you never clearly communicated, why one bad night doesn’t necessarily erase months of progress, and how unrealistic expectations can make genuine change almost impossible to recognize. We’ll also get into one of the hardest parts of Testing: figuring out whether you’re evaluating the person standing in front of you today—or still judging them entirely by who they’ve been in the past. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to tell whether you’re actually in the Testing stage Why you need to clearly define what you’re asking your spouse to change How to distinguish a normal setback from a return to an old pattern Why sustainable change should be evaluated over time rather than moment by moment How past hurt can make it difficult to recognize progress happening in the present Why Testing can’t be entirely about what your spouse needs to change—you have a role in the relationship dynamic, too How to recognize when “too little, too late” may mean you’ve already moved beyond Testing and into a later stage of the divorce decision Testing isn’t about waiting for your spouse to become a completely different person. It’s about getting enough clear, honest information to answer a much bigger question: Is meaningful, lasting change actually possible here? Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 59: Stage 2 Truth Telling -"I Need You to Understand How Serious This Has Become"

If you've been hinting at how unhappy you are and hoping your spouse will finally connect the dots — this episode is for you. In Stage One, you privately recognized something wasn't right. Stage Two is where that private knowing becomes a conversation. Not another argument about the dishes or the phone or who forgot what — but the real, direct conversation about what this has started to mean for you and for your marriage. I'm walking you through what Truth Telling actually sounds like, why waiting to have this conversation changes it (and not for the better), and why "we've talked about this a hundred times" often means you've argued about the symptoms without ever naming what's underneath them. I'll also give you a simple framework for starting the conversation, what to watch for if you're the one hearing it from your spouse, and why the biggest risk here usually isn't the conversation itself — it's having it and feeling like it didn't matter. If you don't know what stage you're in, take my quiz, Should We Get a Divorce? at kahoskins.com — link in the show notes. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 58: Stage 1- The Moment You Can't Pretend Anymore

Before anyone starts thinking about divorce, there's a quieter moment most people never talk about — the moment the unhappiness stops feeling temporary. Maybe it's a hum of loneliness that won't go away, even when your spouse is sitting right next to you. Maybe it's a string of small moments that were never really resolved, just carried. In this episode, we break down Stage One of the divorce decision process — what I call A Knowing — including what open loops are, why silence is the biggest risk of this stage, and the questions worth sitting with before you say anything out loud. If something in your marriage has been quietly not okay for a while, this episode will help you name it. I encourage you to take the Quiz, as it will help you as we walk through the Six Stages of the Divorce Decision Series. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Ep. 57: The Missing Map For Couples Considering Divorce

If you've been asking yourself, "Should I stay or should I leave?" over and over again, this episode is for you. Many people spend four to five years contemplating divorce before making a decision. The problem isn't that you can't make up your mind—it's that you're trying to answer one question without realizing you're actually moving through a process. In this kickoff episode of my six-part series, I introduce The Six Stages of the Divorce Decision—the framework I use to help people understand where they are, why generic marriage advice often misses the mark, and what to focus on based on the stage they're in. In this episode, you'll learn: Why feeling torn doesn't necessarily mean you're confused—it may mean you're in transition. How understanding your stage can bring clarity and direction. Why the advice that's helpful in one stage can be completely wrong in another. A brief overview of all six stages, from A Knowing to Decision Point. This series isn't about convincing you to stay in your marriage or leave it. My goal is to help you understand what's happening beneath the surface so you can make the decision you'll regret the least—and move forward with greater confidence, clarity, and peace. If you haven't already, take the Should We Get a Divorce? quiz at kahoskins.com to discover which stage you're in. Then join me next week as we take a deeper dive into Stage One: A Knowing. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 56: 3 Things Your Unhappiness Is Teaching You

If you're unhappy in your marriage, it's easy to get stuck pointing at the obvious stuff — the dishes he won't do, the phone she won't put down, the sex you're not having, the way he shuts down every time you bring something up. But what if the behavior isn't actually the problem? In today's episode, I break down three things your unhappiness is trying to teach you — if you can stop focusing on the unhappiness itself long enough to hear it. First, I talk about how almost every complaint is hiding an unmet need. "I need you to get a job" is rarely about the job — it's about not wanting to carry the family alone. "Can you put your phone down" is rarely about the phone — it's about wanting to feel like you're still chosen. I'll walk you through how to ask yourself the follow-up question that gets you to what you're actually missing: connection, partnership, to feel desired, to not feel alone. Second, I talk about the pattern running underneath your issues — the one where you bring something up and he gets defensive, so you get louder, so he shuts down further. Or where you avoid saying the thing to keep the peace, until it comes out sideways over coffee on a random Sunday morning. I'll ask you to shift from "what is my spouse doing wrong" to "how do I show up when I'm hurt" — because that's where the real clarity lives. Third, I talk about agency — and how many of us have quietly handed ours over while we wait. Waiting for him to initiate. Waiting for her to soften. Waiting for the apology that never really lands. I'll ask you what you're choosing every time you stay silent, avoid the hard conversation, or accept the same non-apology on repeat. My hope is that by the end of this episode, you're not asking "should I leave," but something more useful: what do I actually need, what have I already tried, and what am I no longer willing to keep repeating? Because the goal isn't to make a fast decision about your marriage — it's to make a clear one. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 55: Is Your Conflict Normal? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

Is the fighting in your marriage normal — or is it a sign of something deeper? Today, I'm answering one of the questions I get asked most by walking you through three simple signs to check in your own relationship. You'll learn: · Why the topic of a fight matters less than whether it stays on topic — and what it means when small arguments turn into old, unrelated hurts · The real difference between couples who repair after conflict and couples who just go quiet and move on without ever really moving on · Why silence, not yelling, is often the bigger warning sign in a struggling marriage · Three honest questions to ask yourself this week to get a clearer, more accurate read on where your marriage really stands This episode isn't about deciding if your marriage is doomed. It's about helping you see the pattern clearly, so you can stop guessing and start telling yourself the truth about what's actually happening. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 54: Are You the Pursuer or the Withdrawer in Your Marriage?

What if the biggest problem in your marriage isn’t the topic you keep fighting about… but the pattern you fall into every time you try to talk about it? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down the pursuit-withdrawal cycle — also called the demand-withdraw cycle — and why it can quietly create resentment, loneliness, panic, shutdown, and emotional distance in a marriage. This is the pattern where one spouse pushes for answers, connection, reassurance, repair, or change… and the other spouse pulls away, shuts down, gets defensive, goes silent, or leaves the conversation altogether. And here’s the hard part: both people usually feel completely justified. The pursuer feels abandoned, dismissed, and like they’re the only one who cares. The withdrawer feels pressured, criticized, overwhelmed, and like there is no right answer. Over time, this cycle can make both spouses feel like victims — and both become more convinced the other person is the problem. In this episode, I’ll help you recognize which side of the cycle you may be on, why this pattern escalates so quickly, why silence can feel like peace when it’s actually disengagement, and what it takes to begin interrupting the cycle before it causes deeper damage. And if you’re in the complicated middle — wondering if your marriage can be repaired or if you’re moving toward divorce — this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly so you can decide what needs to happen next. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 53: Hard Season or Marriage Crossroads? Here's How To Know

Is your marriage going through a hard season, or are you standing at a real crossroads? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins helps you tell the difference between a temporary rough patch and a deeper marriage crisis. When you’re unhappy, disconnected, resentful, or emotionally exhausted, it can be hard to know what is actually happening. Is this stress? Is it burnout? Is it parenting, money, grief, or a difficult year? Or has something more serious shifted in the relationship? Kari explains why this distinction matters so much. If you treat a hard season like a marriage-ending crisis, you may make decisions from fear or exhaustion. But if you treat a true crossroads like “just a rough patch,” you may stay stuck for years, waiting for things to magically get better while resentment continues to grow. In this episode, you’ll learn the signs of a hard season, the signs of a marriage crossroads, and the difference between a passing divorce fantasy and the deeper shift that happens when divorce becomes something you are seriously considering. This conversation is for anyone who has been asking, “Should I stay? Should I go? Is this fixable? Or am I avoiding the truth?” You do not need to have the answer today. But you do need a clearer way to understand the question. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 52: Unhappily Married? Stop Doing These 3 Things Before It Gets Worse

Unhappy marriages don’t usually fall apart overnight. They often deteriorate through small, repeated patterns that become part of everyday life. In this episode, Kari shares three things to stop doing if you’re unhappy in your marriage: belittling or demeaning your partner, keeping score, and avoiding conversations when issues are still small. These habits may feel understandable when you’re hurt or resentful, but they quietly add fuel to the fire. They create more disconnection, more resentment, and make it harder to know whether your marriage can actually be repaired. Kari explains why stopping these patterns doesn’t magically fix everything, but it does help “stop the bleed.” Your daily life can feel calmer. Your conversations can become more productive. And whether you choose to rebuild or separate, you’ll be making decisions from a clearer place. Take the free “Should We Get a Divorce?” quiz at kahoskins.com to find out where you are in the divorce decision process. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Ep. 51: Can Your Marriage Be Saved? The Question of Desire

In the final episode of the Can This Marriage Heal? series, Kari tackles the question that keeps people up at night: If real change were possible, would you actually want to stay? This isn't a question about whether your marriage can be fixed. It's a question about whether you want it to be — and those are very different things. In this episode you'll learn: The difference between desire and obligation, Why showing up out of duty alone will quietly make things worse, not better. What it sounds like when someone is motivated by fear versus genuine desire Why you can do all the right things and still end up right back where you started What it actually takes to sustain real, lasting repair. Because here's the truth: a marriage doesn't heal just because two people love each other. It heals when both people are willing to become the kind of people who can make it work. If you're somewhere between we have problems and I think I might be done — this episode will help you figure out which one is actually true. Take the free Should We Get a Divorce? quiz to find out what stage of the decision-making process you're in Takt it here: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 50: Can Your Marriage Be Saved? One Thing You Can't Ignore

Can Your Marriage Be Saved? One Thing You Can't Ignore Are you wondering if your marriage can be fixed — or if it's already too late? In this episode of the Divorce Decision Podcast, host Kari Hoskins digs into one of the most important questions you need to answer before you can even think about saving your marriage: Is there still respect between you and your spouse? You might not feel in love right now. You might not even like each other very much. But without respect, repair is almost impossible — and Kari explains exactly why. In this episode, you'll learn: · Why respect matters MORE than love when it comes to saving your marriage · 7 warning signs that respect has already broken down in your relationship · The difference between frustration and contempt — and why it matters · How to know if YOU are still open to seeing your spouse differently · What "openness" really means (hint: it's NOT the same as forgetting or forgiving everything) This is part two of a three-part series on can your marriage be saved. If you're not ready to give up but you're not sure if there's still hope, this episode is for you. Take Kari's free quiz — Should We Get a Divorce? — at kahoskins.com Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 49: Can Your Marriage Be Saved? The First Sign Repair is Still Possible

If you're wondering whether or not your marriage can be repaired, this episode is for you. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins begins a 3-part series on one of the biggest questions couples face when their marriage is in crisis: Can this marriage actually heal? Part 1 focuses on ownership. When one spouse wants to repair the marriage and the other is unsure, it can be hard to know whether real change is possible. Most people say they are willing to take responsibility, but true ownership is more than saying, “I know I’m not perfect.” Real ownership means being able to name your part without defending it, be specific about how you contributed to the pattern, and understand the impact your behavior has had on your spouse and the relationship. If you’re questioning divorce, trying to decide whether to stay or leave, or wondering whether your marriage can be repaired, this episode will help you look beyond apologies and promises to see whether both people are truly willing to participate in repair. You’ll also get reflection questions to help you consider what you need to own — and what your spouse would need to own — for healing to feel possible. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 48: How to Live Together While Deciding Whether to Divorce

What do you do when divorce has been brought up or just decided on but you’re still living together? This is one of the most emotionally confusing stages of the divorce decision. You may still be sharing a bedroom, parenting together, eating dinner in the same kitchen, or managing bills and errands — but underneath all of that, the marriage feels uncertain. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about how to live under the same roof while deciding whether to divorce. You’ll learn how to: Set boundaries around when you talk about the marriage Keep normal household conversations from turning into emotional emergencies Create temporary living agreements around sleeping arrangements, parenting, responsibilities, and space Decide what to tell friends, family, and kids Stay kind without sending mixed messages or creating false hope Know when outside support may help you navigate the decision with less damage If you’re in the painful in-between — not fully together, not fully apart — this episode will help you feel more grounded and less alone as you figure out what comes next. Book a complimentary call: kahoskins.com Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 47: 5 Options For A Marriage In Limbo

Should you stay married, separate, or get divorced? Most people think the divorce decision has only two options: stay or leave. But the truth is, the decision is usually much more nuanced than that. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins walks through five options people often have when they are questioning their marriage. Instead of rushing toward a black-and-white answer, this episode helps you think more clearly about which version of staying or leaving you may be choosing. You’ll hear about the difference between staying and accepting the marriage as it is, staying while taking your happiness back into your own hands, staying to repair or rebuild the relationship, separating without divorcing yet, and choosing divorce when the marriage is no longer healthy, repairable, or wanted. Kari also explains the difference between repairing a marriage and rebuilding one, why a therapeutic separation can be more helpful than a vague “I need space” separation, and why divorce is not always a failure, but it is a serious decision that deserves clarity, honesty, and care. If you are silently wondering, “Should I stay or leave my marriage?” this episode will help you slow down, understand your real options, and think about your next step with more intention and less panic. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 46: Before You Say The Word Divorce: How to Tell Your Spouse You’re Unhappy

Have you been secretly unhappy in your marriage but unsure how to tell your spouse? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins talks to the spouse who has been carrying private pain, resentment, loneliness, or discontent for months—or even years—without knowing when or how to finally say it out loud. Before you say divorce, there may be an honest conversation that needs to happen first. Kari explains why private unhappiness becomes so emotionally exhausting, how unresolved issues create “open loops” in a marriage. You’ll learn how to recognize when it may be time to share your unhappiness, how to begin the conversation in a more productive way, and what questions to reflect on before you talk with your husband or wife. If you feel lonely in your marriage, tired of pretending everything is fine, or afraid that one conversation could change everything, this episode will help you find language for what you’ve been carrying—and take the first step toward clarity. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 45: Are You Unhappy In Your Marriage? The Subconscious Thought Pattern Making It Worse

Do relatively small things that your spouse does or says create big feelings inside of you? Is it normal for you to feel upset, angry, annoyed or some other negative emotion towards your spouse regularly? If you answered "yes" to either of these questions, you might have fallen victim to this subconscious thought pattern making your daily life feel worse. In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins unpacks one of the most powerful mental traps affecting unhappy marriages and divorce decisions: confirmation bias. When you’re hurt, resentful, lonely, or stuck in limbo, it becomes easy to interpret everything your spouse says and does through an already painful story: They don’t care. Nothing will ever change. I’m the only one trying. We’re too far gone. But that lens can distort what’s actually happening in your marriage and quietly shape how you feel, how you react, and whether you lean toward rebuilding or divorce. Kari breaks down how confirmation bias works in struggling relationships, how it can make living under the same roof feel even more miserable, and how it can push people toward divorce too fast — or keep them hanging on to hope too long. Through real-life coaching examples, she shows how this subconscious pattern can fuel conflict, cloud clarity, and interfere with honest decision-making. If you’re questioning your marriage, feeling stuck in uncertainty, or trying to decide whether to stay or leave, this episode will help you take a more honest look at the story you’re telling yourself — and the evidence you may be ignoring. In this episode: What confirmation bias is and how it shows up in marriage Why small things start to feel huge in unhappy relationships How negative and positive bias can both cloud the truth Why confirmation bias can distort a divorce decision in either direction Two powerful questions to help you think more clearly about your marriage Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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Ep. 44: Three Ways Justifying Your Divorce Decision Messes With Your Clarity

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I talk about a common struggle people face when they’re trying to decide whether to stay in a marriage or leave: the pressure to justify their decision to other people. I explain why that pressure can be so damaging to your clarity, especially when family or friends want answers, have opinions, or expect your choice to make sense to them. I also share two situations where this tends to hit hardest: when you’ve kept your marriage problems private, and when something major like infidelity or addiction is involved and everyone suddenly has strong opinions about what you should do. I break down how over-explaining can create self-doubt, cause you to exaggerate or minimize what is really happening in the relationship, and keep you from making an honest, grounded decision. I also talk about why it matters to stay clear-eyed about your own patterns and your role in the marriage, whether you stay or leave. Finally, I share practical, neutral ways to respond when people ask why you’re staying or why you’re leaving, so you can answer with honesty without feeling like you have to defend your life. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

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