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The Dad Manual

Tony Cooper

The Dad Manual is a fatherhood podcast hosted by Tony Cooper, featuring honest conversations with dads about the real, unfiltered journey of parenthood. This parenting podcast for dads explores everything from the excitement of being a first time dad to navigating the teenage years. As one of the best podcasts for expecting dads and experienced fathers alike, we dive deep into what it actually means to be a modern dad—the struggles, the growth, the mistakes, and the moments that change you forever. Whether you're looking for a new dad podcast or seasoned parenting wisdom, this family podcast delivers the honest guidance you won't find in books.

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  • 31 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 46 min
  • English

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  • #45
    Tuesday · 26 min

    Ep: 45 The Dad Manual's Origin Story with Tony Cooper

    People ask me all the time how The Dad Manual started. After almost a year of sitting across from other dads and asking them the hard questions, I realized I'd never told my own story on this fatherhood podcast. So this week there's no guest. It's just me, sharing where this show really came from. The honest answer starts with a season when I had no idea what I was doing. Our second kid arrived, I wasn't ready for it, and it took hitting a real low before I was willing to ask for help. Asking for help turned out to be one of the most important decisions I've made as a dad. That help came from other men. Learning to be direct, honest, and accountable with men who had my back changed how I show up in my relationships and with my kids, and I've carried that support with me for more than twenty years. It taught me that most of the qualities of a good father aren't things you figure out alone. Years later, watching a room full of dads hang back at my kids' school, I saw what happens when fathers don't have that, and what changes when they finally do. When I eventually asked myself what I'm most proud of in my life, the answer wasn't my work. It was being a dad. This parenting podcast grew out of that answer. There's no manual for raising kids, but I believe becoming a father is the greatest opportunity for personal growth most of us will ever get, and I want to help other dads figure out how to be a good dad without doing it alone. Key takeaways: Why asking for help is part of being a good dad, not a sign you're failing at it What men supporting men can do for your confidence, your relationships, and your kids What changes when dads step off the sidelines and get involved Why fatherhood is the greatest growth opportunity most of us will ever get How a plan to write a book became a podcast about how to be a better dad If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Why I'm doing a solo episode 00:45 Going back to 2004 and becoming a dad of two 02:00 The run to Ocean Beach 03:38 Realizing I was running away 04:13 Joining my first men's circle 05:09 How men communicate differently in circle 07:24 Why I'm still in two men's circles today 09:05 Moving our family to a farm in Davis 10:18 Teaching my kids to play on their own 11:51 Discovering the Waldorf school 14:02 Dads against the wall at school events 15:08 Starting a men's circle for dads 16:09 The hoedown that showed what changed 18:08 Joining a leadership academy in Austin 19:05 Working on my emotional intelligence 20:41 Building a leadership strategic plan 21:05 Realizing fatherhood is what I'm proudest of 22:04 The idea to write a book 22:53 How the book became a podcast 24:01 What I hope The Dad Manual gives dads

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  • #44
    October 27 · 58 min

    Ep 44: Healing The Boy So The Dad Can Show Up, with Jon Vroman

    Tony Cooper sits down with the founder of a brotherhood built to help dads stop hiding at work and start showing up at home. This conversation with Jon Vroman, founder of Front Row Dads, is one of the most honest looks at modern fatherhood this parenting podcast has done yet. Jon shares how a comment from his wife, that he was more of a moment maker for everyone else than for his own family, led him to build a community of hundreds of dads across ten countries. We get into why most men never study fatherhood the way they study business, why marriage keeps resurfacing as the hardest pillar even for successful men, and why healing childhood wounds together, as fathers, might be the real work of raising strong kids. Key takeaways: Why Jon built Front Row Dads around relationships first, resources second, results third The six pillars of Front Row Dads: intentional parenting, thriving marriage, vibrant health, emotional intelligence, business evolution, wealth and legacy Why most marriages hit a wall around the time a kid turns seven How inadequacy and abandonment wounds tend to marry each other Why loneliness, not inadequacy or abandonment, is the original childhood wound How modeling family values matters more than writing them on a wall Why kids respond instantly to a dad who has done his own inner work The difference between venting and actually healing If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ Timestamps: 00:00 Intro to Jon Vroman 00:56 Meet Ocean and Tiger 04:27 Choosing unique education paths 08:49 What matters more than curriculum 13:00 Jon's upbringing and early wounds 17:04 Why healing starts at eighteen 19:41 Modeling family values at home 24:27 Why Front Row Dads began 29:47 Relationships, resources, results 34:12 Why marriage became the real focus 37:05 Jon's honesty about his own marriage 41:50 The seven year relationship pattern 48:16 Inadequacy, abandonment and loneliness 51:40 Advice for a brand new dad

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  • #43
    October 20 · 51 min

    Ep 43: The App That Teaches Dads How Their Kids Are Wired

    Tony Cooper sits down with David Yep, a dad who spent 14 years on the path to becoming a Catholic priest before realizing fatherhood was his real calling. This episode of the parenting podcast digs into David's unexpected road to becoming a dad to Lucia, Sophia and Constantine, and the app he built, Godmother, to help fathers understand their kids and themselves. We talk presence, the pressure of raising a son versus daughters, and why dads need accountability as much as advice. If you're a new dad podcast listener looking for real tools instead of generic parenting tips, this one delivers. Key takeaways: Why "whatever age they are" is the best answer to the best age for a kid David's path from seminary at 13 to grad school to fatherhood Why boys and girls can trigger different pressures in dads The taught framework: tolerance, acceptance, understanding, treasure Why kids deify or demonize their fathers instead of seeing them as human How the Godmother app builds a profile of your child's wiring Why love languages aren't one-size-fits-all, even within one family The power of being overheard praising your kid to someone else Why accountability, not willpower, is what keeps dads showing up If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ Get 10% off Godmother using this link: https://godmother.aingelic.net/?ref=tony-64b32a 00:00 David's path from seminary to fatherhood 02:06 The age range David loves most right now 05:12 Why time feels like it flies without presence 06:17 The hardest part of the newborn stage 10:13 Leaving home for the seminary at 13 13:04 Deciding the priesthood would not work 17:02 Raising a son versus raising daughters 21:15 Deify or demonize: seeing dads as human 23:48 Admitting you do not know the answer 27:33 How the Godmother app actually works 30:58 Why the app is named Godmother 33:14 Love languages are not one size fits all 37:06 Learning to treasure your co-parent's approach 43:04 Real feedback from families using the app 49:16 David's advice for a brand new father

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  • #42
    October 13 · 58 min

    Ep 42: Being a Dad Is My Greatest Role, with James Snyder

    James Snyder has starred on Broadway and shared scenes with Jon Hamm, but the role that changed him most happens at home. On this episode of the dad podcast, Tony Cooper sits down with actor James Snyder, dad to Oliver and Willa, for a conversation that treats fatherhood the way an actor treats a part: something you step into, shape, and eventually have to figure out who you are underneath. James talks about growing up with a present, engaged father, the family dinners and driveway conversations that shaped him, and how he is now applying the acting principle of "who am I and what do I want" to his own parenting. This is a thoughtful, funny, honest conversation for any new father or new dad podcast listener looking for a different way to think about the job. Key takeaways: - Parenting is a role you play, not a permanent identity, and separating the two can heal strained adult parent-child relationships - James's father modeled presence through small, consistent moments: family dinners, coaching his sports teams, driving to job sites together - Self-regulation is the foundation of good fathering: "I'm the calm in the storm" is a mantra James actually uses before hard conversations - A parent's job isn't to remove struggle from a kid's life, it's to build the resilience that lets them survive it - James shares an honest story about losing his temper and cursing at his son, and what his son actually learned from it - Broadway fatherhood comes with real costs: eight shows a week can mean seeing your kids only one full day a week - As kids become teenagers, big family decisions (like a cross-country acting contract) become family decisions, not unilateral ones - A simple reframe, acting "as if" the outcome you want is already true, can defuse conflict with a spouse - James's single biggest piece of advice for a new father: just keep showing up, especially after the moments you regret If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ Timestamps: 00:00 Intro, James and the role of fatherhood 00:52 Meet James Snyder, dad of two 02:17 Why parenting is a temporary role 03:34 Oliver and Willa's stories 10:17 How his childhood shaped his fatherhood journey 13:11 Watching his dad in the world 21:11 Who am I and what do I want, applied to dads 26:14 Letting kids struggle to build resilience 28:16 The F bomb story with his son 33:22 Broadway's real cost to family time 41:55 Being the thermostat, not the thermometer 45:19 Reframing fights with his wife 49:58 Treating teenagers like adults 56:01 His best advice for a brand new dad

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  • #41
    October 6 · 56 min

    Ep 41: Why This Father Promised His Sons He'd Never Get Angry

    Jem Fuller almost lost his son twice before he learned what real fatherhood forgiveness looks like. Tony sits down with Jem Fuller, host of The Unknown Path podcast and author of The Art of Conscious Communication for Thoughtful Men, for a conversation that moves through blended families, medical scares, anger, and the parenting philosophy Jem built after growing up with a father who was loving but controlling. Jem is stepdad to two kids who call him by his first name, and father to two grown sons who call him dad, and he walks through what it actually looks like to hold different roles in one household without resentment. This episode digs into real fatherhood journey material: healing childhood wounds, breaking generational patterns, and building the kind of emotional expression in sons that most men never got themselves. Jem shares the story of his oldest son's premature birth and heart surgery and the terrifying night his second son arrived early by emergency cesarean. He gets honest about losing his temper with his own kids despite years of meditation practice, and the "three time rule" he inherited from his father that quietly wrecked his patience until he dropped it. This is one of those conversations any parenting podcast listener will want to sit with twice. Key Takeaways: Stepparent roles require different boundaries than biological parenting, and that's okay Kids don't do what you tell them, they do what you model Forgiving yourself quickly after a parenting mistake matters more than never making one Quality time, even 15 focused minutes, may be a top love language for young kids A promise to never react in anger opens the door to real honesty from your kids Inherited "rules" about respect are often just made up, and you can rewrite them Physical touch and vibration (holding, humming, singing) soothe kids more than we realize Boys crying isn't the problem, the culture around it is If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcastmail@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Introducing Jem Fuller 01:08 Meet the whole blended family 02:05 Being a stepdad without overparenting 07:46 Where his parenting philosophy started 09:41 Growing up with a loving, controlling dad 10:23 Getting disciplined and what it taught him 13:31 Building open communication with his boys 14:18 The football crying story 16:09 A five year old explains why we cry 18:15 Forgive yourself quickly as a parent 26:16 Learning to witness instead of control 28:15 Quality time as a love language 30:21 The promise to never get angry 33:21 Men and the bottomless pit of rage 35:37 Jedi's heart surgery story 42:59 Noah's early arrival by cesarean 50:04 Advice for a brand new father 51:00 The three time rule he had to drop

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  • #40
    September 29 · 47 min

    Ep 40: The Warrior Dad Who Had To Learn How To Come Home

    Edward Crawford spent his life training to be a warrior, in the Peace Corps, in Afghanistan, and at Goldman Sachs, and it turns out that same drive almost cost him the family he was fighting for. In this conversation for the first time dad podcast, Edward opens up about deploying six days after his son was born, the videos he recorded for his kids in case he didn't come home, and the moment he realized his hyper vigilance was helping him survive but hurting his marriage. He and Tony talk about raising a daughter with autism, taking daughters on dates, and why "nothing's changed, but I have" became the truest sentence of his life. This is one of those episodes that speaks directly to any family podcast listener wondering how to actually come home, not just physically, but emotionally. Key takeaways: Giving kids responsibility for animals teaches empathy and care from a young age Edward's son's autism reshaped how he defines success and connection Deploying to Afghanistan six days after his son's birth changed how he saw fatherhood Coming home from war is often harder than the deployment itself Hyper vigilance that once kept him alive worked against him at home A five day silent retreat helped Edward reconnect with his heart over his head His number one goal became simply "be a better husband to Mary Crawford" Kids writing "Best Dad Ever" on his truck redefined what success means to him If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Edward Crawford's introduction 00:53 Meet Tony and the dad manual mission 01:07 Edward introduces himself 02:12 Caroline, the singer at a conservatory 03:05 Edward's son and his autism journey 04:07 Meet Annabelle, the animal collector 05:18 Where all the animals came from 10:50 How autism reshaped Edward's mindset 14:57 Becoming a dad, the Haiti story 17:00 Mary's pregnancy reveal 19:16 Taking daughters on dates 19:45 Deploying six days after his son's birth 20:38 Recording videos in case he didn't return 23:10 Peace Corps years and hypervigilance roots 26:13 Coming home and reconnecting with Mary 31:23 Chasing achievement versus being present 33:00 Best dad ever, written in the mud 35:16 The jungle retreat and his new objective 38:39 Becoming a better husband to Mary Crawford 44:03 Advice for a brand new father

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  • #39
    September 22 · 57 min

    Ep 39: Reclaiming Childhood As A Dad, With Brandon Fong

    What if the goal of parenting isn't to make your kid grow up, but to help them stay a kid longer? Brandon Fong joins The Dad Manual to talk about raising his daughter Kaya with childlike curiosity, emotional honesty, and zero interest in bubble-wrapping her from the world. Tony and Brandon dig into masculine and feminine energy in parenting, why toddlers process feelings in about 90 seconds if you let them, the story behind a very memorable ER visit, and how AI might make being simply human the most valuable skill of all. It's a warm, funny, unexpectedly deep conversation about staying playful while raising a person. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 The slide, the ER, dad wisdom 00:39 Meet Brandon Fong 01:24 Reclaiming childhood as an adult 02:22 What sparked childlike curiosity 04:37 Naming things kills their magic 07:00 Learning Kaya's perspective 09:03 The "other mother" past life talk 11:01 What Kaya is like as a kid 12:56 Always wanting to be a dad 14:04 Masculine and feminine parenting energy 17:06 Dad's playful Coke-bag toys 20:36 How intentional Leah and Brandon were 23:00 The most surprising part of fatherhood 26:04 Letting kids get hurt to grow 33:52 Working through reactivity as a dad 36:36 The 90 second feeling rule 41:06 Raising a kid in the AI era 49:03 Kaya's core essence described 51:14 Advice for a brand new dad

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  • #38
    September 15 · 47 min

    Ep 38: How Lior Weinstein Uses AI to Be a Better Dad

    Can a chatbot help you become a more present dad? Lior Weinstein returns to The Dad Manual to dig into where AI actually helps fatherhood, and where it quietly gets in the way. Tony and Lior talk through using AI as a bedtime story ghostwriter, the idea of "artificial intimacy," why harmony beats balance, and how Lior uses AI to process emotional moments with his kids without losing his own voice in the process. They also get into generational trauma, cultural identity, and small first steps any dad can take today. Key takeaways include using AI to enhance existing family moments rather than replace them, the importance of intention before you open the app, and why context (not cleverness) is what makes AI actually useful at home. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: the tantrum book analogy 00:29 Welcoming back Lior Weinstein 01:12 Picking up the AI conversation 02:07 How ChatGPT became a bedtime tool 04:23 Making life better, not just tasks 05:14 The idea of artificial intimacy 07:30 Who owns AI generated output 08:30 Claude as a writing partner 10:47 Delivery makes a story personal 13:18 Shared experiences and bonding 14:53 Adding "magical" changes everything 17:19 Getting more done to be present 19:26 Living your purpose vs work 21:03 Kids don't experience it as passion 23:10 Harmony over balance explained 26:04 Breaking generational trauma with AI 29:02 AI as a gateway to asking for help 30:21 ChatGPT as a travel guide in Japan 33:58 Prompting Claude "as if it has ADHD" 36:16 Jewish identity and collective trauma 39:16 Passover, language, and shared meaning 44:25 Where a dad should start with AI

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  • #37
    September 8 · 54 min

    Ep 37: Breaking Generational Trauma With Chris Lee

    Tony Cooper sits down with Chris Lee, a coach, trainer, and speaker who has spent his career helping people break the beliefs that quietly run their lives, to talk about where generational trauma actually starts and how dads can be the ones who finally stop it. They dig into what happens the moment your kid pushes a button: why the reaction fires before you can think, and why the fix isn't suppressing it but learning to create a space between what happens and how you respond. Chris breaks down his idea of "response-ability," the two fears every child is actually born with (falling and loud noises), and how every other fear in your life got handed to you by someone else's playbook. The conversation also covers why kids process emotion so honestly compared to adults, how the way a dad treats a mom shapes a child's emotional environment long before the child can remember it, and a practical tool for couples: building a family vision with non-negotiables that protect the home you're creating. This is a conversation about interrupting the pattern early, doing the work before the damage gets passed down, and choosing who you want to be instead of defaulting to who you were taught to be. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, please like and subscribe. If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. 00:00 Cold open: hot heads, clarity 00:29 Meet Chris Lee, godfather 02:03 What being a godfather means 05:13 What is emotional intelligence? 07:26 Responsibility as response-ability 08:49 The Will Smith Oscars example 11:43 The power of a deep breath 16:28 Where trauma actually comes from 17:07 The two fears we're born with 21:31 Why we forget our own divinity 24:33 Pretending vs. choosing confidence 27:33 The subliminal resentment of a baby 30:14 Why kids process emotion honestly 34:18 Feeling inadequate as a new dad 36:14 How treating mom affects the child 38:06 Building a family vision 40:40 Becoming your parents unconsciously 45:15 Choosing kind over being right 46:56 Chris on earning his own worth 50:59 Advice for a brand new dad

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  • #36
    September 1 · 44 min

    Ep 36: A CEO Dad On Emotional Intelligence And Letting Go

    A CEO and father of two opens up about why raising kids became his real education in emotional intelligence. Topher Stephenson had his children while in medical school and residency, and looks back on how becoming a dad reshaped how he sees himself and everyone around him. Key takeaways: Emotional intelligence starts with realizing you're not the center of the universe Kids reveal how far your own emotional maturity has (or hasn't) come Empathy means letting someone else's experience be real without needing to agree with it Boarding school and letting go are their own kind of parenting lesson The skills that make you a better father also make you a better leader Topher also shares the one piece of advice he wishes someone had given him as a brand new dad If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Topher Stephenson 01:24 Larkin and Finn, his two kids 03:34 Having kids in med school 05:13 What fatherhood taught him 07:15 Reparenting yourself as a dad 09:21 Defining emotional intelligence 13:10 Growing up in a stoic household 16:02 The LifeSpring retreat story 20:44 Empathy and holding two views 23:43 Why fatherhood shifts your focus 26:04 Nature vs nurture in his kids 28:28 Boarding school as a family choice 33:23 The bittersweet of kids leaving home 36:16 From dad to CEO 39:57 Advice for a brand new father 43:01 Being a father, the best role

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  • #35
    August 25 · 38 min

    Ep 35: Six Weeks From Fatherhood: Jesse Ganes on Becoming a Dad

    A first-time dad six weeks from his due date opens up about what the third trimester really feels like. Tony Cooper sits down with Jesse Ganes to talk through the physical and emotional shifts of late pregnancy, the conversations he's having with friends and family about how life is about to change, and the parenting choices he and his wife Emma are making before their son even arrives. They cover screen time boundaries, the science behind a changing "dad brain," sleep deprivation, division of labor in parenting, and why protecting couple time now matters so much. Key Takeaways Screen time boundaries are a conversation worth having before the baby arrives, not after Pregnancy changes what a couple can physically do together, and renegotiating that takes patience A father's brain physically changes to respond differently to a baby's cry, according to research Jesse's been reading Telling friends without kids that the relationship will change, but won't end, sets healthier expectations Community and local parent networks (including a "semi active" dad group) become a real resource Sleep deprivation is often less about the sleep loss itself and more about the judgment attached to it Protecting couple time during pregnancy builds the foundation for the family that's coming If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Jesse Ganes 01:17 Six weeks from the due date 02:10 What feels real right now 03:04 Talking about screen time early 05:16 Two becomes three 06:08 What pregnancy changed physically 09:49 Trusting your body through pregnancy 11:06 Hormones and a happy pregnancy 13:45 Getting his head around the change 15:01 Talking to friends without kids 17:42 Parenting in Brooklyn 19:20 Finding the dad group 20:38 The "Dad Brain" book 22:41 Re-parenting yourself 26:13 Learning not to lose it over messes 28:15 Surviving on no sleep 30:23 What's new this generation 32:00 Filtering baby gear from noise 33:31 Advice for a couple just starting out 36:26 Closing thoughts

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  • #34
    August 18 · 38 min

    Ep 34: 18 Summers Is All You Get With George Rivera

    A dying father's five words rewired his son's entire life, and now that son is rewiring hundreds of other dads. In this conversation, George Rivera opens up about the deathbed warning from his own father, the "founder prison" he built for himself in business, and why he now runs Founder Dad Dinners for cash-rich, time-poor entrepreneurs who are quietly falling apart at home. We talk about the freedom audit that got his life back, why presence matters more than proximity, and how his 11-year-old son Leo's own podcast became an unexpected extension of everything George learned the hard way. Key takeaways include: the danger of "I'll make it up to them later," the 10k-per-hour filter for reclaiming your time, why phones at the ballgame do more damage than not showing up at all, and the simple truth that you only get 18 summers. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: the lie that kept him stuck 00:29 Meet George Rivera 01:19 The sentence his dying dad said 02:52 Growing up without dad in the stands 03:36 Leo asks Tony to coach Little League 05:34 Hearing his dad's regret in real time 07:53 Building the "founder prison" 09:21 The breaking point with his business 11:04 The coach who talked him off the ledge 11:45 The freedom audit and 10k/hr filter 13:53 Presence versus proximity 15:17 Why he built Founder Dad Dinners 17:00 Breaking generational trauma 19:06 How the dinners actually work 20:52 Nine-figure exits, zero friends 22:27 "I'll go to war for you" 24:23 Cats in the Cradle moment 25:39 Timeline from awakening to change 26:28 Leo's own podcast 30:08 How Leo's first episode happened 33:28 Skills kids lose to devices 35:20 Advice for a brand-new dad 37:11 Closing thoughts

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  • #33
    August 11 · 45 min

    Ep 33: The Forever Folder — Recording Voice Notes For Your Kids

    What if the best gift you gave your kids wasn't a memory, but your own voice? Blake Fly, dad to Koa and Summer (with a third on the way), joins Tony Cooper to talk about Dads Making History, the group he started where fathers record monthly audio and video messages for their kids to hear someday. Blake shares how the practice began during the pandemic, why "donut dates" became a normalizing ritual for the group, how a lost hard drive taught him about the fragility of memory, and how becoming a dad expanded his emotional range in ways he never expected. Tony and Blake dig into presence, legacy, and what it means to really show up for your kids. The "Forever Folder" is a monthly audio or video message dads record for their kids, meant to be a presencing practice for the dad as much as a gift for the child. Less is more: a good message is often just two to three minutes, a small, specific moment rather than a sweeping life lesson. Small rituals normalize across a community fast. One dad's "donut date" habit inspired another dad to start his own recurring one-on-one time with his daughter. One-on-one time with a kid (a donut date, coaching a sport, a standing weekly outing) gives a spouse real relief and builds a distinct bond. Becoming a parent can expand emotional range far beyond what a "sunshine only" upbringing prepared someone for, including grief, like a miscarriage before a first child. Presence is the real antidote to time passing unnoticed. Capturing a moment, even a mundane one like potty training, makes it retrievable later. What we intentionally leave behind (and take forward) from our own parents shapes how we father, whether that's constant positivity, a short temper, or building things with your hands. A voice message might never be listened to, and that's okay. The value is in the ritual of recording it, not guaranteed impact on the recipient. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Blake Fly 01:23 Blake's speaking and coaching work 03:00 Becoming a dad in 2020 04:00 What is the Forever Folder 05:00 Choosing what to record each month 07:54 Dads Making History group 08:05 The donut date ripple effect 10:19 One-on-one time and giving mom a break 12:00 Being the youngest of three 14:04 Foresight that everything is temporary 16:04 A voicemail from aging parents 17:13 Documenting firsts, lasts, and the messy middle 18:23 Counting laps, counting years 21:09 Losing four years of photos and video 23:11 Is this really for the kids or for you 25:00 The realization that changed his approach 27:14 How coaching shapes his fathering 29:17 A grade 8 yearbook prediction 30:52 His mom's signs and rituals 34:01 What he's leaving behind from his parents 37:12 Becoming a dad kicked his ass 38:00 The miscarriage before Koa 40:09 Expanding emotional range 42:22 Preparing for baby number three 44:01 Closing thoughts

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  • #32
    August 4 · 43 min

    Ep 32: Why Depth Beats Width in Raising Confident Kids

    A dad of three shares the wild story of a highway birth, the exhaustion of new fatherhood, and why breaking generational patterns starts with you. Tony Cooper sits down with Lior Weinstein to talk about becoming a father at 30, supporting a wife through three very different births, and the physical toll of parenting a newborn while running a business. Lior explains why he stepped away from a fast-growing startup to be present for his second child, how he's working to end inherited family trauma before it reaches his kids, and why depth of focus beats exposure to everything. He also shares how he uses AI to write bedtime stories with his sons. Key takeaways include: the difference between reacting to a schedule and creating one, why physical exhaustion hits harder with each additional kid, how commitment to one passion builds a transferable skill, and why an abundance mindset starts with saying yes. Physical exhaustion from parenting compounds with each additional kid, even when you've "done it before." Supporting your wife through the newborn stage often matters more than mastering baby care yourself. Stepping away from work, even temporarily, can be the right call when presence matters most. Breaking generational patterns starts with noticing what was passed down to you. Building trust with your kids matters more than being their expert in every interest. Depth in one passion teaches a transferable skill: mastery, focus, and commitment. An abundance mindset starts with saying yes to your kids' curiosity, even if it doesn't stick. AI can be a tool for deeper connection, like personalized bedtime stories, not just efficiency. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Being a dad is hard because you care 00:29 Meet Lior and his three kids 01:25 Becoming a dad at 30 02:11 Matan's highway birth story 06:19 Nature vs nurture with three kids 09:52 Always knowing he'd be a dad 11:33 Supporting his wife through labor 14:02 Teaching infants from day one 16:06 Becoming a different kind of husband 19:18 Learning from mom's instincts 21:04 Going from one kid to two 23:04 Physical exhaustion hits harder 26:19 Deciding to leave the startup 27:15 Nine months traveling in an RV 29:44 Stopping generational family trauma 32:25 Building a relationship of trust 33:23 The chess grandmaster book 36:05 Why depth beats width 39:41 Using AI for bedtime stories

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  • #31
    July 28 · 42 min

    Ep 31: Perfectionism Made Him Great. Will It Break Him As A Dad?

    A former New York City Ballet principal dancer opens up about the fear underneath the joy of expecting his first child. Chase Finlay talks with Tony Cooper about the perfectionism that carried him from a childhood ballet studio to the world's biggest stages, and why that same drive could work against him as a father. They cover the difference between performing for approval and living in alignment, why presence stops time with your kids, and how recovery and honest relationships taught him to become his own cavalry instead of waiting to be rescued. Chase also shares his intentions for his baby shower, his hopes to raise a daughter free to imagine, and the advice he's giving himself for the first months of fatherhood. Key Takeaways Perfectionism can build a career and also work against you as a father if left unchecked The external pursuit of validation can be fulfilling, but internal alignment creates lasting fulfillment Recovery and a healthy relationship helped reframe self-reliance: "I'm the cavalry" Presence is the antidote to feeling like time with your kids moves too fast Play is a child's domain, and imagination is worth protecting from screens and self-consciousness Doing your own personal work before becoming a parent is a gift you give your children A baby shower can be a celebration of the work both partners did on themselves, not just the baby Being a firm, present, aware foundation for your partner matters as much as showing up physically If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Chase Finlay 01:19 30 weeks into pregnancy 01:35 Abundance and joy in pregnancy 02:30 Fear of not being good enough 03:24 Wanting everything to be perfect 04:11 The evidence he'll be a great dad 05:03 Chase's ballet career begins 06:41 Principal dancer by 19 07:32 External pursuit vs internal journey 09:07 How he discovered dance 11:40 Athletic and artistic, not fitting a box 13:18 Tony's son finds DJing 15:23 Watching your kid arrive at themselves 17:24 Being flexible, not predicting the future 18:13 Perfectionism: great for dance, risky for dad 19:31 Living aligned with authenticity 20:29 The shift from performing to real recovery 21:14 Becoming his own cavalry 22:19 Substance abuse and hitting bottom 23:00 His wife calling him on his bullshit 24:20 Alignment resolves inner conflict 26:11 Doing the work before kids arrive 27:27 His vision: presence as his top value 29:28 Be what you want your kid to become 30:07 Presence stops time 32:30 Wanting to rebuild play and imagination 34:22 What joy means to him now 36:16 Planning the baby shower 39:11 Celebrating the work, not just the baby 40:08 Advice to himself for the first months 41:13 Closing thoughts

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  • #30
    July 21 · 46 min

    Ep 30: Michael Prince On Community, Chaos, And Raising Three Kids

    A chance seat on a flight from Denver turned into a decades-long friendship, and a crash course in fatherhood. This week I sit down with my longtime friend Michael Prince to talk about the early terror of parenting a firstborn, the night his son started choking on steak at the dinner table, and why staying calm matters more than having the right answer. We get into raising a daughter after two sons, building a family culture around community and hospitality, teaching teenagers responsibility instead of just rules, and the regrets that come with parenting on the job. Michael's honesty about what he'd do differently makes this one worth sharing with any dad figuring it out as he goes. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ Key Takeaways: Staying calm in a crisis matters more than having the perfect response; overreacting fuels the fire. Parenting a firstborn often means learning through trial and error with no real playbook. Building community with other parents can be one of the most valuable supports of early fatherhood. Raising a daughter after sons requires learning new sensitivity and intentional one-on-one time. Teaching kids the "why" behind a task matters as much as giving them the easy solution. Discipline works best with clear boundaries paired with real communication, not control. Parenting doesn't end when kids move out; it just changes shape. Growing up with a highly accomplished parent can create a bar that's hard to know you've cleared. Family culture, whether it's music, hospitality, or hosting, gets passed down whether you plan it or not. Every parent carries regrets; what matters is staying self-aware enough to adjust. 00:00 Cold open 00:42 Meet Michael Prince 01:18 How Tony and Michael met 02:05 The flight that changed everything 03:10 Becoming each other's sanity 04:13 Babymoon gone sideways 04:52 The terror of a firstborn 06:02 Self-conscious in public with kids 07:16 Learning to stay calm 08:54 Burning the first batch 09:21 Kervin's strong will 11:18 The steak-choking story 13:06 Adrenaline and instinct 14:06 Growing up with a high-bar dad 16:21 Living up to his father 17:02 Parenting patterns we repeat 19:51 Deciding to have a third 20:35 Fear of the unknown gender 21:15 What changed with a daughter 22:24 Raising Josie differently 23:08 Daddy-daughter dates 27:37 Building a community, not just friends 30:07 Teenage independence and curfews 32:20 Parenting never really stops 33:49 Teaching kids the hard way 36:41 Setting red lines, not rules 37:24 Teaching responsibility with alcohol 40:05 Advice for hesitant dads 41:17 Finding your way without a manual 43:37 Final wisdom for new dads 44:53 A message to Kervin

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  • #29
    July 14 · 47 min

    Ep 29: Raising British Kids Across an Ocean, With Alton Byrd

    Alton Byrd grew up without a father, then raised two kids across an ocean while playing pro basketball in the UK. This one is about figuring it out with no manual. Alton joins Tony to talk about a fatherhood honestly. He's talks about the divorce, about the years he lived a plane ride away from his children, and about what he got wrong. What comes through is hard-won and simple: kids don't remember the stuff you buy them, they remember your time. What you'll take from this episode: Why "what they want is your time" is the lesson that took him longest to learn Parenting from a distance after a divorce, and owning your part in it Raising kids who are "very different" without comparing them Moving from parent-of-children to parent-of-adults, and letting them lead The three things he'd tell any father: listen, listen to what they aren't saying, and love them no matter what If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: what they really want 00:29 Meet Alton Byrd 02:00 British kids and the name Miles 07:30 Did he always want to be a dad? 09:30 Growing up without a father 13:30 Traveling the world with a baby 17:40 Why kids talk about mom 22:40 Figuring out fatherhood alone 26:00 The divorce and owning his part 28:00 The hardest lesson: time over things 33:50 When your kids become adults 42:40 "You owe me nothing" 43:40 Advice for dads in transition

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  • #28
    July 7 · 43 min

    Ep 28: How Getting Sober Made Jay Vincent the Father He Never Had

    What does it take to become the father you never had? Jay Vincent joins me for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Jay grew up idolizing a dad who slid into alcoholism and walked out when Jay was 15, and for years Jay repeated the pattern, through addiction, two DUIs, and the day he came home to an empty house after his kids' mother left. This is the story of how he climbed back. In this episode: how childhood shapes the dads we become, breaking a generational cycle of addiction, the night everything changed, getting sober and staying sober for 14 years, rebuilding trust with kids who barely knew him, parenting traumatized teenagers, and why doing the inner work is the real job of fatherhood. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 A hard-won lesson: kids absorb everything 00:29 Meet Jay Vincent, girl dad 02:03 Becoming a girl dad 05:44 Jay's childhood and his father 09:33 When a hero slides into alcoholism 10:53 The dad who left at 15 12:01 An angry teenager finds the dark side 14:00 Five miscarriages and the road to Kirsten 17:58 Bringing a child into a fighting home 21:03 The definition of fatherhood 21:36 Coming home to an empty house 24:07 Losing his kids and hitting bottom 25:04 Two DUIs and the cop who kept showing up 27:16 The night he cried out for help 28:49 Fourteen years sober 30:22 Doing it for his kids, then for himself 33:33 Showing up across state lines 34:00 Finding purpose in a fathers' recovery group 46:26 Advice for parents in a struggling relationship 49:22 Closing thoughts

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  • #27
    June 30 · 52 min

    Ep 27: Put on Your Mask First — Nick DeMarinis on Being the Dad You Want to Be

    Most dads ease into fatherhood one kid at a time. Nick DeMarinis skipped that part. He found out he was having identical twin boys while living in Hong Kong, 8,000 miles from family. In this episode, Nick shares the blueprint he built for present, intentional fatherhood: setting expectations with employers so he never misses what matters, co-parenting as a true team, and taking care of himself first so he has something real to give. From WeWork's turnaround to a PopAShot national championship, Nick proves you don't have to sacrifice the dad you want to be. Key takeaways: How Nick's parents — a bread man and a teacher from New York — gave him a clear blueprint for fatherhood Why moving back from Hong Kong with twin infants taught him the power of structure and discipline How radical transparency with employers creates space for the dad commitments that matter The "survive and advance" mindset that got him and his wife through the first year with twins Why intentional one-on-one time with each twin is one of the most underrated things twin parents can do What his son Max's act of compassion toward a crying classmate told him about the dad he's becoming How the PopAShot national championship became a lesson in resilience and creativity for his boys The oxygen mask principle — why taking care of yourself first is the most selfless thing a dad can do If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Nick introduces himself as Max and Luca's dad 02:15 Why the podcast format resonated with Nick right away 05:00 Growing up one of six kids in an Irish Italian Catholic family 08:30 Mom's compassion and adventure, dad's discipline and relationships 12:00 Moving to Hong Kong with LinkedIn — six years abroad 14:30 Finding out they're having identical twin boys 17:00 Seeing parenting in his older siblings — adoption, cerebral palsy, presence 21:00 The kind of dad Nick declared he would be from the start 24:30 Never missing a single pregnancy appointment 27:00 Paternity leave — being there for Diana, not just the babies 29:30 Moving back to the US, joining WeWork, the wild ride begins 33:00 Transparency at work — "the best job I've ever had is being a dad" 36:30 Creating the conditions you want instead of accepting default ones 40:00 Co-parenting as a team — playing to each other's strengths 44:00 The first year with twins: structure, survival, and celebrate every win 49:30 Max helping a crying classmate — the proudest dad moment 53:00 Luca as the voice of reason in a heated disagreement 55:30 Advice for twin parents: intentional one-on-one time 58:30 PopAShot: from shy crybaby to national championship competitor 64:00 Two Guinness World Records — 232 consecutive shots, 103-foot shot 68:00 What the boys have learned watching Nick compete, fail, and try again 72:00 Final advice: put on your oxygen mask first

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  • #26
    June 23 · 39 min

    Ep 26: One Dad's Honest Take on Anger, Divorce, and Showing Up

    What happens when a dad of three daughters confronts the anger he inherited? Tony sits down with his brother Evan Cooper, father to Rachel, Pia, and Evie, for one of the most personal conversations yet. Evan opens up about the girl-dad learning curve, the moment he realized he was passing his own childhood wounds to his kids, and the practice he calls equanimity. They get real about staying married versus co-parenting, and how cooking and entrepreneurship shaped his daughters. Key takeaways: Why "three under two" reshaped everything about their parenting Recognizing and interrupting generational patterns of yelling Equanimity: staying composed instead of reacting to chaos The honest debate over staying together for the kids How cooking became a way to connect with his daughters Why watching your child in pain is a dad's hardest moment Emotional intelligence as the real preparation for fatherhood If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 If you can't hear the kids 00:34 Meet my brother Evan Cooper 02:00 Three daughters, three under two 04:30 Liquid gold and dividing the nights 06:30 Man-to-man and the power play 08:00 The girl-dad learning curve 11:00 Doing the research, missing the rest 14:00 Generational anger and yelling 17:30 Equanimity and staying composed 20:30 The moment it broke my heart 23:00 Staying married or co-parenting 28:00 What the girls actually took from it 31:30 Cooking as a way to connect 34:00 Entrepreneurship and a different work life 36:00 The hardest part: watching them hurt 38:00 Advice for a brand-new dad

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Showing 1–20 of 31 episodes