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The Dad Manual

Tony Cooper

The Dad Manual is a fatherhood podcast hosted by Tony Cooper, featuring honest conversations with dads about the real, unfiltered journey of parenthood. This parenting podcast for dads explores everything from the excitement of being a first time dad to navigating the teenage years. As one of the best podcasts for expecting dads and experienced fathers alike, we dive deep into what it actually means to be a modern dad—the struggles, the growth, the mistakes, and the moments that change you forever. Whether you're looking for a new dad podcast or seasoned parenting wisdom, this family podcast delivers the honest guidance you won't find in books.

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  • 21 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 45 min
  • English

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  • #35
    Tuesday · 38 min

    Ep 35: Six Weeks From Fatherhood: Jesse Ganes on Becoming a Dad

    A first-time dad six weeks from his due date opens up about what the third trimester really feels like. Tony Cooper sits down with Jesse Ganes to talk through the physical and emotional shifts of late pregnancy, the conversations he's having with friends and family about how life is about to change, and the parenting choices he and his wife Emma are making before their son even arrives. They cover screen time boundaries, the science behind a changing "dad brain," sleep deprivation, division of labor in parenting, and why protecting couple time now matters so much. Key Takeaways Screen time boundaries are a conversation worth having before the baby arrives, not after Pregnancy changes what a couple can physically do together, and renegotiating that takes patience A father's brain physically changes to respond differently to a baby's cry, according to research Jesse's been reading Telling friends without kids that the relationship will change, but won't end, sets healthier expectations Community and local parent networks (including a "semi active" dad group) become a real resource Sleep deprivation is often less about the sleep loss itself and more about the judgment attached to it Protecting couple time during pregnancy builds the foundation for the family that's coming If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Jesse Ganes 01:17 Six weeks from the due date 02:10 What feels real right now 03:04 Talking about screen time early 05:16 Two becomes three 06:08 What pregnancy changed physically 09:49 Trusting your body through pregnancy 11:06 Hormones and a happy pregnancy 13:45 Getting his head around the change 15:01 Talking to friends without kids 17:42 Parenting in Brooklyn 19:20 Finding the dad group 20:38 The "Dad Brain" book 22:41 Re-parenting yourself 26:13 Learning not to lose it over messes 28:15 Surviving on no sleep 30:23 What's new this generation 32:00 Filtering baby gear from noise 33:31 Advice for a couple just starting out 36:26 Closing thoughts

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  • #34
    August 18 · 38 min

    Ep 34: 18 Summers Is All You Get With George Rivera

    A dying father's five words rewired his son's entire life, and now that son is rewiring hundreds of other dads. In this conversation, George Rivera opens up about the deathbed warning from his own father, the "founder prison" he built for himself in business, and why he now runs Founder Dad Dinners for cash-rich, time-poor entrepreneurs who are quietly falling apart at home. We talk about the freedom audit that got his life back, why presence matters more than proximity, and how his 11-year-old son Leo's own podcast became an unexpected extension of everything George learned the hard way. Key takeaways include: the danger of "I'll make it up to them later," the 10k-per-hour filter for reclaiming your time, why phones at the ballgame do more damage than not showing up at all, and the simple truth that you only get 18 summers. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: the lie that kept him stuck 00:29 Meet George Rivera 01:19 The sentence his dying dad said 02:52 Growing up without dad in the stands 03:36 Leo asks Tony to coach Little League 05:34 Hearing his dad's regret in real time 07:53 Building the "founder prison" 09:21 The breaking point with his business 11:04 The coach who talked him off the ledge 11:45 The freedom audit and 10k/hr filter 13:53 Presence versus proximity 15:17 Why he built Founder Dad Dinners 17:00 Breaking generational trauma 19:06 How the dinners actually work 20:52 Nine-figure exits, zero friends 22:27 "I'll go to war for you" 24:23 Cats in the Cradle moment 25:39 Timeline from awakening to change 26:28 Leo's own podcast 30:08 How Leo's first episode happened 33:28 Skills kids lose to devices 35:20 Advice for a brand-new dad 37:11 Closing thoughts

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  • #33
    August 11 · 45 min

    Ep 33: The Forever Folder — Recording Voice Notes For Your Kids

    What if the best gift you gave your kids wasn't a memory, but your own voice? Blake Fly, dad to Koa and Summer (with a third on the way), joins Tony Cooper to talk about Dads Making History, the group he started where fathers record monthly audio and video messages for their kids to hear someday. Blake shares how the practice began during the pandemic, why "donut dates" became a normalizing ritual for the group, how a lost hard drive taught him about the fragility of memory, and how becoming a dad expanded his emotional range in ways he never expected. Tony and Blake dig into presence, legacy, and what it means to really show up for your kids. The "Forever Folder" is a monthly audio or video message dads record for their kids, meant to be a presencing practice for the dad as much as a gift for the child. Less is more: a good message is often just two to three minutes, a small, specific moment rather than a sweeping life lesson. Small rituals normalize across a community fast. One dad's "donut date" habit inspired another dad to start his own recurring one-on-one time with his daughter. One-on-one time with a kid (a donut date, coaching a sport, a standing weekly outing) gives a spouse real relief and builds a distinct bond. Becoming a parent can expand emotional range far beyond what a "sunshine only" upbringing prepared someone for, including grief, like a miscarriage before a first child. Presence is the real antidote to time passing unnoticed. Capturing a moment, even a mundane one like potty training, makes it retrievable later. What we intentionally leave behind (and take forward) from our own parents shapes how we father, whether that's constant positivity, a short temper, or building things with your hands. A voice message might never be listened to, and that's okay. The value is in the ritual of recording it, not guaranteed impact on the recipient. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Blake Fly 01:23 Blake's speaking and coaching work 03:00 Becoming a dad in 2020 04:00 What is the Forever Folder 05:00 Choosing what to record each month 07:54 Dads Making History group 08:05 The donut date ripple effect 10:19 One-on-one time and giving mom a break 12:00 Being the youngest of three 14:04 Foresight that everything is temporary 16:04 A voicemail from aging parents 17:13 Documenting firsts, lasts, and the messy middle 18:23 Counting laps, counting years 21:09 Losing four years of photos and video 23:11 Is this really for the kids or for you 25:00 The realization that changed his approach 27:14 How coaching shapes his fathering 29:17 A grade 8 yearbook prediction 30:52 His mom's signs and rituals 34:01 What he's leaving behind from his parents 37:12 Becoming a dad kicked his ass 38:00 The miscarriage before Koa 40:09 Expanding emotional range 42:22 Preparing for baby number three 44:01 Closing thoughts

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  • #32
    August 4 · 43 min

    Ep 32: Why Depth Beats Width in Raising Confident Kids

    A dad of three shares the wild story of a highway birth, the exhaustion of new fatherhood, and why breaking generational patterns starts with you. Tony Cooper sits down with Lior Weinstein to talk about becoming a father at 30, supporting a wife through three very different births, and the physical toll of parenting a newborn while running a business. Lior explains why he stepped away from a fast-growing startup to be present for his second child, how he's working to end inherited family trauma before it reaches his kids, and why depth of focus beats exposure to everything. He also shares how he uses AI to write bedtime stories with his sons. Key takeaways include: the difference between reacting to a schedule and creating one, why physical exhaustion hits harder with each additional kid, how commitment to one passion builds a transferable skill, and why an abundance mindset starts with saying yes. Physical exhaustion from parenting compounds with each additional kid, even when you've "done it before." Supporting your wife through the newborn stage often matters more than mastering baby care yourself. Stepping away from work, even temporarily, can be the right call when presence matters most. Breaking generational patterns starts with noticing what was passed down to you. Building trust with your kids matters more than being their expert in every interest. Depth in one passion teaches a transferable skill: mastery, focus, and commitment. An abundance mindset starts with saying yes to your kids' curiosity, even if it doesn't stick. AI can be a tool for deeper connection, like personalized bedtime stories, not just efficiency. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Being a dad is hard because you care 00:29 Meet Lior and his three kids 01:25 Becoming a dad at 30 02:11 Matan's highway birth story 06:19 Nature vs nurture with three kids 09:52 Always knowing he'd be a dad 11:33 Supporting his wife through labor 14:02 Teaching infants from day one 16:06 Becoming a different kind of husband 19:18 Learning from mom's instincts 21:04 Going from one kid to two 23:04 Physical exhaustion hits harder 26:19 Deciding to leave the startup 27:15 Nine months traveling in an RV 29:44 Stopping generational family trauma 32:25 Building a relationship of trust 33:23 The chess grandmaster book 36:05 Why depth beats width 39:41 Using AI for bedtime stories

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  • #31
    July 28 · 42 min

    Ep 31: Perfectionism Made Him Great. Will It Break Him As A Dad?

    A former New York City Ballet principal dancer opens up about the fear underneath the joy of expecting his first child. Chase Finlay talks with Tony Cooper about the perfectionism that carried him from a childhood ballet studio to the world's biggest stages, and why that same drive could work against him as a father. They cover the difference between performing for approval and living in alignment, why presence stops time with your kids, and how recovery and honest relationships taught him to become his own cavalry instead of waiting to be rescued. Chase also shares his intentions for his baby shower, his hopes to raise a daughter free to imagine, and the advice he's giving himself for the first months of fatherhood. Key Takeaways Perfectionism can build a career and also work against you as a father if left unchecked The external pursuit of validation can be fulfilling, but internal alignment creates lasting fulfillment Recovery and a healthy relationship helped reframe self-reliance: "I'm the cavalry" Presence is the antidote to feeling like time with your kids moves too fast Play is a child's domain, and imagination is worth protecting from screens and self-consciousness Doing your own personal work before becoming a parent is a gift you give your children A baby shower can be a celebration of the work both partners did on themselves, not just the baby Being a firm, present, aware foundation for your partner matters as much as showing up physically If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Chase Finlay 01:19 30 weeks into pregnancy 01:35 Abundance and joy in pregnancy 02:30 Fear of not being good enough 03:24 Wanting everything to be perfect 04:11 The evidence he'll be a great dad 05:03 Chase's ballet career begins 06:41 Principal dancer by 19 07:32 External pursuit vs internal journey 09:07 How he discovered dance 11:40 Athletic and artistic, not fitting a box 13:18 Tony's son finds DJing 15:23 Watching your kid arrive at themselves 17:24 Being flexible, not predicting the future 18:13 Perfectionism: great for dance, risky for dad 19:31 Living aligned with authenticity 20:29 The shift from performing to real recovery 21:14 Becoming his own cavalry 22:19 Substance abuse and hitting bottom 23:00 His wife calling him on his bullshit 24:20 Alignment resolves inner conflict 26:11 Doing the work before kids arrive 27:27 His vision: presence as his top value 29:28 Be what you want your kid to become 30:07 Presence stops time 32:30 Wanting to rebuild play and imagination 34:22 What joy means to him now 36:16 Planning the baby shower 39:11 Celebrating the work, not just the baby 40:08 Advice to himself for the first months 41:13 Closing thoughts

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  • #30
    July 21 · 46 min

    Ep 30: Michael Prince On Community, Chaos, And Raising Three Kids

    A chance seat on a flight from Denver turned into a decades-long friendship, and a crash course in fatherhood. This week I sit down with my longtime friend Michael Prince to talk about the early terror of parenting a firstborn, the night his son started choking on steak at the dinner table, and why staying calm matters more than having the right answer. We get into raising a daughter after two sons, building a family culture around community and hospitality, teaching teenagers responsibility instead of just rules, and the regrets that come with parenting on the job. Michael's honesty about what he'd do differently makes this one worth sharing with any dad figuring it out as he goes. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ Key Takeaways: Staying calm in a crisis matters more than having the perfect response; overreacting fuels the fire. Parenting a firstborn often means learning through trial and error with no real playbook. Building community with other parents can be one of the most valuable supports of early fatherhood. Raising a daughter after sons requires learning new sensitivity and intentional one-on-one time. Teaching kids the "why" behind a task matters as much as giving them the easy solution. Discipline works best with clear boundaries paired with real communication, not control. Parenting doesn't end when kids move out; it just changes shape. Growing up with a highly accomplished parent can create a bar that's hard to know you've cleared. Family culture, whether it's music, hospitality, or hosting, gets passed down whether you plan it or not. Every parent carries regrets; what matters is staying self-aware enough to adjust. 00:00 Cold open 00:42 Meet Michael Prince 01:18 How Tony and Michael met 02:05 The flight that changed everything 03:10 Becoming each other's sanity 04:13 Babymoon gone sideways 04:52 The terror of a firstborn 06:02 Self-conscious in public with kids 07:16 Learning to stay calm 08:54 Burning the first batch 09:21 Kervin's strong will 11:18 The steak-choking story 13:06 Adrenaline and instinct 14:06 Growing up with a high-bar dad 16:21 Living up to his father 17:02 Parenting patterns we repeat 19:51 Deciding to have a third 20:35 Fear of the unknown gender 21:15 What changed with a daughter 22:24 Raising Josie differently 23:08 Daddy-daughter dates 27:37 Building a community, not just friends 30:07 Teenage independence and curfews 32:20 Parenting never really stops 33:49 Teaching kids the hard way 36:41 Setting red lines, not rules 37:24 Teaching responsibility with alcohol 40:05 Advice for hesitant dads 41:17 Finding your way without a manual 43:37 Final wisdom for new dads 44:53 A message to Kervin

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  • #29
    July 14 · 47 min

    Ep 29: Raising British Kids Across an Ocean, With Alton Byrd

    Alton Byrd grew up without a father, then raised two kids across an ocean while playing pro basketball in the UK. This one is about figuring it out with no manual. Alton joins Tony to talk about a fatherhood honestly. He's talks about the divorce, about the years he lived a plane ride away from his children, and about what he got wrong. What comes through is hard-won and simple: kids don't remember the stuff you buy them, they remember your time. What you'll take from this episode: Why "what they want is your time" is the lesson that took him longest to learn Parenting from a distance after a divorce, and owning your part in it Raising kids who are "very different" without comparing them Moving from parent-of-children to parent-of-adults, and letting them lead The three things he'd tell any father: listen, listen to what they aren't saying, and love them no matter what If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: what they really want 00:29 Meet Alton Byrd 02:00 British kids and the name Miles 07:30 Did he always want to be a dad? 09:30 Growing up without a father 13:30 Traveling the world with a baby 17:40 Why kids talk about mom 22:40 Figuring out fatherhood alone 26:00 The divorce and owning his part 28:00 The hardest lesson: time over things 33:50 When your kids become adults 42:40 "You owe me nothing" 43:40 Advice for dads in transition

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  • #28
    July 7 · 43 min

    Ep 28: How Getting Sober Made Jay Vincent the Father He Never Had

    What does it take to become the father you never had? Jay Vincent joins me for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Jay grew up idolizing a dad who slid into alcoholism and walked out when Jay was 15, and for years Jay repeated the pattern, through addiction, two DUIs, and the day he came home to an empty house after his kids' mother left. This is the story of how he climbed back. In this episode: how childhood shapes the dads we become, breaking a generational cycle of addiction, the night everything changed, getting sober and staying sober for 14 years, rebuilding trust with kids who barely knew him, parenting traumatized teenagers, and why doing the inner work is the real job of fatherhood. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 A hard-won lesson: kids absorb everything 00:29 Meet Jay Vincent, girl dad 02:03 Becoming a girl dad 05:44 Jay's childhood and his father 09:33 When a hero slides into alcoholism 10:53 The dad who left at 15 12:01 An angry teenager finds the dark side 14:00 Five miscarriages and the road to Kirsten 17:58 Bringing a child into a fighting home 21:03 The definition of fatherhood 21:36 Coming home to an empty house 24:07 Losing his kids and hitting bottom 25:04 Two DUIs and the cop who kept showing up 27:16 The night he cried out for help 28:49 Fourteen years sober 30:22 Doing it for his kids, then for himself 33:33 Showing up across state lines 34:00 Finding purpose in a fathers' recovery group 46:26 Advice for parents in a struggling relationship 49:22 Closing thoughts

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  • #27
    June 30 · 52 min

    Ep 27: Put on Your Mask First — Nick DeMarinis on Being the Dad You Want to Be

    Most dads ease into fatherhood one kid at a time. Nick DeMarinis skipped that part. He found out he was having identical twin boys while living in Hong Kong, 8,000 miles from family. In this episode, Nick shares the blueprint he built for present, intentional fatherhood: setting expectations with employers so he never misses what matters, co-parenting as a true team, and taking care of himself first so he has something real to give. From WeWork's turnaround to a PopAShot national championship, Nick proves you don't have to sacrifice the dad you want to be. Key takeaways: How Nick's parents — a bread man and a teacher from New York — gave him a clear blueprint for fatherhood Why moving back from Hong Kong with twin infants taught him the power of structure and discipline How radical transparency with employers creates space for the dad commitments that matter The "survive and advance" mindset that got him and his wife through the first year with twins Why intentional one-on-one time with each twin is one of the most underrated things twin parents can do What his son Max's act of compassion toward a crying classmate told him about the dad he's becoming How the PopAShot national championship became a lesson in resilience and creativity for his boys The oxygen mask principle — why taking care of yourself first is the most selfless thing a dad can do If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Nick introduces himself as Max and Luca's dad 02:15 Why the podcast format resonated with Nick right away 05:00 Growing up one of six kids in an Irish Italian Catholic family 08:30 Mom's compassion and adventure, dad's discipline and relationships 12:00 Moving to Hong Kong with LinkedIn — six years abroad 14:30 Finding out they're having identical twin boys 17:00 Seeing parenting in his older siblings — adoption, cerebral palsy, presence 21:00 The kind of dad Nick declared he would be from the start 24:30 Never missing a single pregnancy appointment 27:00 Paternity leave — being there for Diana, not just the babies 29:30 Moving back to the US, joining WeWork, the wild ride begins 33:00 Transparency at work — "the best job I've ever had is being a dad" 36:30 Creating the conditions you want instead of accepting default ones 40:00 Co-parenting as a team — playing to each other's strengths 44:00 The first year with twins: structure, survival, and celebrate every win 49:30 Max helping a crying classmate — the proudest dad moment 53:00 Luca as the voice of reason in a heated disagreement 55:30 Advice for twin parents: intentional one-on-one time 58:30 PopAShot: from shy crybaby to national championship competitor 64:00 Two Guinness World Records — 232 consecutive shots, 103-foot shot 68:00 What the boys have learned watching Nick compete, fail, and try again 72:00 Final advice: put on your oxygen mask first

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  • #26
    June 23 · 39 min

    Ep 26: One Dad's Honest Take on Anger, Divorce, and Showing Up

    What happens when a dad of three daughters confronts the anger he inherited? Tony sits down with his brother Evan Cooper, father to Rachel, Pia, and Evie, for one of the most personal conversations yet. Evan opens up about the girl-dad learning curve, the moment he realized he was passing his own childhood wounds to his kids, and the practice he calls equanimity. They get real about staying married versus co-parenting, and how cooking and entrepreneurship shaped his daughters. Key takeaways: Why "three under two" reshaped everything about their parenting Recognizing and interrupting generational patterns of yelling Equanimity: staying composed instead of reacting to chaos The honest debate over staying together for the kids How cooking became a way to connect with his daughters Why watching your child in pain is a dad's hardest moment Emotional intelligence as the real preparation for fatherhood If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 If you can't hear the kids 00:34 Meet my brother Evan Cooper 02:00 Three daughters, three under two 04:30 Liquid gold and dividing the nights 06:30 Man-to-man and the power play 08:00 The girl-dad learning curve 11:00 Doing the research, missing the rest 14:00 Generational anger and yelling 17:30 Equanimity and staying composed 20:30 The moment it broke my heart 23:00 Staying married or co-parenting 28:00 What the girls actually took from it 31:30 Cooking as a way to connect 34:00 Entrepreneurship and a different work life 36:00 The hardest part: watching them hurt 38:00 Advice for a brand-new dad

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  • #25
    June 16 · 43 min

    Ep 25: From Chaos to Peace: A Journey to Becoming a Great Stepdad

    What if the most qualified stepdad in the room is the one who almost didn't make it out alive? Andrew Adams didn't plan on becoming a parent. He didn't plan 12 years of opiate addiction, multiple overdoses, or a near-fatal car accident on a highway at 75 miles per hour. But today, Andrew is stepfather to three kids, engaged to the man he loves, and one of the most grounded human beings I've had the privilege of sitting across from. Key Takeaways: Why the sudden loss of structure at age 11 became the catalyst for Andrew's years-long addiction spiral How a neurodivergent brain chasing relief through drugs becomes a 12-year trap. Why "neutrality" is not indifference and how it became Andrew's superpower as a stepdad The danger of entering parenthood to "fix" something in yourself and the resentment it breeds How eight-plus years of deep personal work across 12-step programs, yoga, and spiritual practice transformed Andrew into the partner and father figure he is today Why Andrew never tries to discipline Dylan's kids and what he does instead The two-lane framework Andrew uses with children (and coaching clients alike): vision or fear, pick a direction How to let your relationship with stepchildren build organically without pressure Why kids who feel like a burden are usually carrying energy their parents chose to put on them The single best piece of advice for anyone stepping into a stepparent role: take it slow, and let them come to you This is a fatherhood podcast episode about what it actually takes to show for yourself first, and then for the family that finds its way to your door. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Andrew on knowing — or not — you want kids 01:28 Tony introduces Andrew's full story 02:37 Childhood, a pastor dad, and sudden freedom at 11 05:02 Why drugs worked: silencing a neurodivergent brain 06:02 The escalation to opiates and heroin 08:54 Twelve years on and off — what that loop looked like 11:34 The car accident that finally broke through 13:15 What it takes to get a real wake-up call 15:14 Eight years of rebuilding across every modality 17:10 Forging peace through lived experience 18:44 Peace is a choice — and a remembrance 20:36 Consciousness, ego, and leading with love 22:01 Meeting Dylan — and the three kids in the package 23:28 Why "neutral" scared Dylan at first 25:45 Loving people through what they believe is an obstacle 28:30 Entering stepparenting with no force, only presence 30:40 Two choices, always — how Andrew guides children 31:26 Getting to be the fun one (and what that's built on) 33:24 The cool uncle role: someone to talk to who isn't mom or dad 35:51 Kids add to a full life — they don't complete it 38:06 When parents hold a belief that kids are taking something from them 40:01 Advice for anyone stepping into stepparenting 42:12 Tony closes the conversation

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  • #24
    June 9 · 1 hr 4 min

    Ep 24: The Dad Who Chose to Break a Family Legacy of Alcoholism Forever

    What does it take for a father to stare down rock bottom and choose his children? I sat down with visual artist, author, and winemaker Jermaine Dante Burs for one of the most honest, raw, and redemptive conversations I've ever had on this fatherhood podcast. Jermaine grew up watching addiction ripple through three generations of his family. He became a young father at 23, all while fighting his own battle with alcoholism that eventually landed him on life support in the hospital. What followed is a story of extraordinary transformation. Key Takeaways: Why the pressure of being a young father accelerated Jermaine's addiction and what finally broke the cycle How unlearning the inability to receive love was foundational to becoming a present father The power of coaching your kids' sports and the emotional rollercoaster of watching them choose their own path Breaking generational trauma: when addiction runs three generations deep, becoming sober is an act of fatherhood The moment Jermaine's father told him "I'll always be your dad" and why he now says the same thing to his own kids Why fathers teach their children most powerfully in the moments they aren't trying to teach anything at all How 14 years of sobriety unlocked Jermaine's career as a celebrated visual artist, a gift his kids now get to witness The courage it takes to apologize to your own children and what it teaches them about accountability Why society consistently undervalues fathers, and what dads can do about it What it means to be "the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" This is a parenting podcast for the dad who's willing to do the work: on himself, for his family, and for the generations that come after. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Cold open: 14 years sober, no looking back 01:10 Tony introduces Jermaine Dante Burs 03:27 Jermaine's kids: Natalia (22) and Jordan (17) 05:04 Why receiving love was so hard to learn 08:14 Addiction forms quietly — a compounding interest 10:14 Becoming a young dad and altering reality 12:19 Showing up: assistant coach for Jordan's varsity team 14:34 The emotional rollercoaster of coaching your own son 17:17 Using his father's parenting as a mirror 18:12 What it was like growing up with a father who was both 20:33 "I'll always be your dad" — the lesson that landed twice 23:11 Ask first: do you want to listen, or do you want advice? 25:32 Teaching your son to sit in discomfort 27:06 Why Jermaine apologizes to his kids — often 30:04 Generational addiction: grandfather, father, Jermaine 32:53 Watching his father relapse after 13 years of sobriety 35:13 Living a double life while Natalia visited 37:14 What alcoholism actually does to your body 40:26 Highly functional — and still a father — through addiction 41:00 The pros and cons list of who he wanted to be as a dad 43:08 Rock bottom: life support and the audit that followed 45:58 Art is rediscovered after leaving the hospital 48:19 15 years away from the paintbrush — then sobriety changed it 50:28 Sugar Ray Leonard and Anthony Anderson — moments made possible by sobriety 52:22 "I'm the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" 55:42 Watching Jordan win the league championship — and leaking 57:42 Dad won't always be here: lessons in supply and demand 58:21 Mother's Day vs. Father's Day: the hospitality truth 1:01:07 Fathers play a massive role — and deserve to be praised 1:03:11 Tony closes: gratitude, love, and until next time

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  • #23
    June 2 · 38 min

    Ep 23: Before the Birth: A Surgeon Prepares to Become a Father

    What happens inside a man when he finds out he's going to be a dad — and he's still months away? Vascular surgeon and expectant father Lucas Ferrer joins Tony Cooper for a candid conversation about what life looks like at 25 weeks pregnant. Lucas opens up about the in-between feeling of impending fatherhood — the moments of disconnection at work and the gut-punch of feeling Santiago kick for the first time. Together, Tony and Lucas explore generational patterns, the fear culture Lucas grew up with in Puerto Rico, and the powerful model his grandfather set. This is a rare, honest look inside the heart and mind of a man preparing to become a dad. Key Takeaways: The emotional reality of expectant fatherhood often oscillates between disconnection and profound shock Becoming a parent heightens awareness of unconscious patterns and generational trauma Growing up around self-aware role models can shape a man's approach to fatherhood long before he becomes a father Fear of risk is a learned behavior — and it can be unlearned Being present as a father starts as an intention you set before the baby arrives A man's relationship with support and community matters as much as his individual inner work Finding a men's group or support network can be transformational, especially in the transition to fatherhood Shifting priorities away from career and toward family requires intentional planning, not just good intentions Speaking to your child before birth — in Lucas's case, in Spanish — is a simple, powerful act of early connection Fatherhood, at its core, is a call to become the best version of yourself If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Intro & cold open 01:00 Meet Lucas Ferrer, expectant father at 25 weeks 02:10 A vascular surgeon's approach to pregnancy 03:03 Why "What to Expect" can do more harm than good 04:05 Presence and disconnection during the work day 05:12 Fatherhood as a call to your best self 06:01 Breaking unconscious patterns before the baby arrives 07:32 Growing up in Puerto Rico: family, memory, and roots 09:21 Fear culture and tall poppy syndrome 10:44 Gabor Maté: big T and little T trauma 11:19 Lucas's grandfather: a model of grounded masculinity 13:25 The qualities Lucas wants to carry into fatherhood 15:07 Unlearning fear and choosing adventure 17:01 Allowing failure as a father and mentor 18:48 How the pregnancy happened: intentional and unplanned 20:56 Biology, purpose, and something bigger at play 23:46 Witnessing Courtney's transformation 25:06 Being the rock: emotional steadiness under pressure 26:47 Inner work and patterns Lucas is actively breaking 28:40 Men's groups, community, and being supportable 33:05 Due date, wedding week, and planning for presence 36:56 Final words: fully present is the North Star

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  • #22
    May 26 · 1 hr 6 min

    Ep 22: From Lemonade Stands to MBA: A Father's Guide to Raising Lions

    What if the most powerful classroom for your kids was the breakfast table every single morning? Tony sits down with Jay Bourgana — entrepreneur, turnaround consultant, and founder of the Raising Lions community — to explore a radically intentional approach to fatherhood. Jay shares how daily two-hour morning conversations with his 10 and 12-year-old children have become the engine behind one of the most active and engaged communities in the parenting podcast space. From lemonade stands to product-market fit, from ikigai to the theory of constraints, Jay packages adult-level wisdom into real, actionable experiences for kids — and for the dads raising them. Key Takeaways: Why getting involved from day one of fatherhood is non-negotiable — and why you can't re-engage later if you disengage early How to teach children the three non-negotiables: health, wealth, and relationships — and why "wealth" isn't about money, it's about freedom The three types of capital every dad can transfer to his kids: financial, intellectual, and relational — and why relational capital matters most Why autonomy, mastery, and purpose (Daniel Pink's Drive) are the real motivators for children — and how to use them How to identify every child's natural "superpower" and channel it toward entrepreneurship and value creation Why small business ventures teach responsibility better than almost anything else — and how to sequence those lessons as kids grow The four business profiles kids fall into (leader, salesperson, product manager, systems manager) — and how knowing them builds teamwork and self-awareness How to build a kids' business school from scratch: goal-setting, conversion rates, product-market fit — explained to a 10-year-old Why dads must step into leadership the moment their child is born — not wait until the kid can "talk" The concept of raising value creators, not consumers — and why that distinction changes everything about how kids show up in the world If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Intro & Jay's opening lesson 01:37 About Jay's kids & Raising Lions 03:53 Morning rituals: 7–9am with the kids 06:11 Entrepreneurship: nature vs. nurture 08:51 Lemonade stands & creating incentives 10:33 Health, wealth & relationships framework 12:41 Packaging adult concepts for kids 14:49 Autonomy, mastery & purpose (Daniel Pink) 17:30 Responsibility earns freedom 19:58 Visualizing responsibility for kids 21:35 How quickly kids connect to purpose 23:20 Teaching cost of goods & unit economics 25:19 Product-market fit as a kids' lesson 27:15 From gross margin to capacity planning 30:00 Jay's background: Morocco to Morocco to M&A 35:03 The entrepreneur's real freedom 36:00 Three types of capital to pass down 38:18 Pour into kids early: beat the clock 40:41 Raising givers, not takers 42:01 Rethinking education post-Covid 44:00 Ikigai & finding a child's superpower 46:00 The four business profiles in kids 47:56 The kids' business school explained 51:00 Setting goals, conversion rates & action 54:53 What 30 years of entrepreneurship taught 56:11 Purpose as protection from trauma 58:18 Paper bills, grocery runs & real money 1:01:03 Advice for brand new dads 1:05:25 Wrap-up & how to find Jay

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  • #21
    May 19 · 45 min

    Ep 21: What Boarding School Taught Me About Being a Better Father

    What does a British boarding school, a bucket of talcum powder, and men's work have to do with becoming a great dad? Tony sits down with Steven Fielding — father of two teenage sons, men's work facilitator, and someone who has done the deep interior work to understand how his past shaped his parenting. Steven opens up about growing up with an absent father, being sent to boarding school at 10, navigating divorce while keeping his boys at the center, and why intentional fatherhood starts long before your first child arrives. Key Takeaways: Early hands-on involvement — diapering, feeding, swaddling — pays real dividends in your relationship with your kids years later The psychological imprint of childhood separation, including "boarding school syndrome," can follow men well into adulthood Teenage boys need a father who is stepping back strategically, not battling them — your job shifts from protecting to supporting It's never too late to take responsibility and apologize to your kids for moments you could have handled better Co-regulation and nervous system awareness are practical parenting tools, not just therapy concepts Men's work and brotherhood aren't just personal development — they make you a better father Devices and screen time are a real challenge; the answer isn't panic, it's redirecting focus to what you can control in your own household Separation and divorce don't end your job as an intentional father — how you show up after matters just as much Communicating your needs without neediness is a skill — and one worth developing before you're in crisis Start the interior work early. Create a list of intentions before you become a dad. Lead. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - – Cold open: Boarding school (00:20) - – Tony introduces Stephen Fielding (01:22) - – Steven's two sons: Nick (18) and Max (16) (02:48) - – Fathering teenagers: patience and letting go (04:39) - – The men you want them to become (05:56) - – Being hands-on from day one (07:36) - – Growing up: absent father, affectionate mother (09:02) - – Sent to boarding school at age 10 (11:07) - – The headmaster: most influential male figure (12:22) - – The lasting echo of homesickness (13:03) - – Bullying, standing up, and the lesson it taught (14:27) - – Boarding school syndrome (16:05) - – Men's work and the capacity for brotherhood (19:09) - – Leadership, giving what you want to receive (19:54) - – Did he always know he wanted to be a dad? (21:29) - – Nick's birth: capturing the first breath (23:57) - – The moment responsibility lands (25:08) - – Happiest Baby on the Block & swaddling (27:50) - – What shifted in his marriage after kids (29:44) - – No More Mr. Nice Guy and owning your patterns (31:29) - – Communicating needs without neediness (33:00) - – The Middle Passage and rediscovering your partner (34:30) - – The talcum powder story (36:47) - – The 30 minutes it took to settle Nick down (37:52) - – Breath work, nervous system, and co-regulation (38:45) - – Going back to apologize: it's never too late (39:49) - – His father's advice: always keep the family together (40:53) - – Advice to first-time dads (43:26) - – Start the interior work early. Be intentional. (44:16) - – Tony closes out with Steven

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  • #20
    May 12 · 47 min

    Ep 20: How a Tough Childhood Built a Better Dad with Daniel Ramsey

    He runs four businesses and 3,000 employees — but his most important job is Dad. Daniel Ramsey is a husband, father of three, high school wrestling coach, and serial entrepreneur who has spent nearly two decades building an intentional family life from the ground up. Growing up with an absent, unintentional father, Daniel made a conscious choice to become something different — and the results speak for themselves. This is a raw, honest, and deeply practical conversation about what it really takes to show up for your kids. Key Takeaways: Time is an expression of love — your presence is the most meaningful gift you can give your children. Your kids reveal your best and worst qualities; embrace what they mirror back at you. Breaking generational cycles starts with recognizing the patterns you inherited from your own parents. Love is a verb — it requires active, ongoing effort, not just feeling. Annual one-on-one trips with each child create deep, lasting connection. The family dinner ritual (High, Low, Buffalo) creates a protected space for daily connection. Becoming a father exposes your selfishness — and that's the first step toward growth. Choosing to do things for your family that don't serve your personal goals is where real growth lives. Modeling vulnerability and learning in front of your kids builds trust and teaches resilience. Unconditional love becomes real the moment you become a parent — and it changes everything. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - Welcome to the Dad Manual Podcast (01:20) - Meet Daniel's Three Girls (03:35) - Qualities Kids Mirror Back at You (05:48) - Growing Up in Redding, California (08:44) - Childhood Instability & Its Impact (09:41) - Modeling Fatherhood After His Wrestling Coach (10:32) - Love Is a Verb — The Lesson That Changed Everything (12:04) - A Raw Moment: Learning Relationships Aren't Black and White (13:51) - Hot Tub Conversations with His Oldest (15:05) - Knowing When to Ask for Help (16:51) - The High, Low, Buffalo Dinner Ritual (19:00) - Annual One-on-One Trips with Each Daughter (25:00) - Advice for New Dads: You Are Selfish (30:00) - Unconditional Love — Before and After Kids (35:00) - The Family Ski Trip: Eight Years in the Making (40:00) - Choosing Jiu-Jitsu as a Family (44:00) - Failing in Front of Your Kids (47:16) - Outro

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  • #19
    May 5 · 43 min

    Ep 19: Girl Dad Wisdom: Building Trust, Traditions, and Unbreakable Bonds

    What does it really mean to love your kids without conditions — even when it's hard? Tony sits down with Jason Wright — podcast host, girl dad, and self-described "nutty dad" — for a conversation about breaking generational cycles, building family traditions, and loving with reckless abandonment. Jason grew up in a home where love was conditional and performance-driven, yet made a conscious choice to parent completely differently. He shares the real and the raw: the stress he wore too tight, the heartbreaks he couldn't fix, and the nighttime rituals that shaped his daughters into the remarkable women they are today. This is a fatherhood podcast conversation that'll have you calling your kids the second it's over. Key Takeaways: Speak to your children above their age level — treat them as capable and they'll rise to it Breaking generational cycles takes awareness and active, daily effort — awareness alone isn't enough Conditional love quietly programs children to believe they're not enough Family rituals and traditions create a "stickiness" that holds a family together through hard seasons Being a girl dad means modeling what a healthy relationship looks like — long before they date anyone Love your future son-in-law intentionally; pouring into him protects your daughter Wear your stress carefully — letting it steal your joy is one of the hardest fatherhood failures to recognize You can't take your kids' pain away, but you can be honest with them and stay present through it Never withhold love, even for a moment — especially when they feel least lovable The goal of raising kids is to wind up with incredible adults you want to spend time with This is one for every dad who wants to show up better — today, tomorrow, and for generations to come. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - Introduction & cold open (01:22) - What kind of dad is Jason Wright? (02:24) - Raising kids to become adults you love (03:05) - Life with adult daughters (04:55) - Introducing kids to music early (07:12) - Gen Z and the loss of cultural breadth (09:31) - Healing trauma instead of passing it on (10:17) - Jason's childhood: broken home, conditional love (13:55) - How generational patterns repeat (15:03) - The role of faith and Mrs. Wright (17:32) - Raising daughters who feel safe and worthy (19:55) - The wedding song — "Two Steps Behind" (20:45) - Rylan's upcoming wedding (22:00) - Loving your son-in-law intentionally (25:24) - The responsibility of being a girl dad (27:42) - The unexpected hard parts of fatherhood (29:28) - Handling a daughter's first heartbreak (31:37) - The unconditional love you didn't know you had (31:46) - Sharing a birthday with your daughter (33:14) - Family rituals and traditions that create culture (36:22) - Watching Father of the Bride every Father's Day (38:20) - Advice for brand-new dads (42:07) - Love them in the places they feel unlovable

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  • #18
    April 28 · 48 min

    Ep 18: Breaking the Pattern - How One Dad Rewired His Approach to Raising Kids

    Two decades in, Kevin Button is still learning — and that's exactly what makes him a great dad. Kevin Button is a father of three spanning 21 years in age, and one of Tony Cooper's closest friends in fatherhood. In this conversation, Kevin gets brutally honest about who he was as a young father — ego-driven, reactive, and repeating patterns he never consciously chose — and how a quiet moment with his 3-year-old son completely broke him open. Kevin and Tony dig into the long game of raising kids: what changes between your first and third child, why the ego is the enemy of good fathering, and how becoming the dad you want to be is a daily, conscious act. They also talk about the rare gift of a trusted fatherhood community, the role of sports in building character, and why presence is the single greatest thing you can give a child. This is the kind of real, unfiltered fatherhood podcast conversation that sticks with you — whether you're 10 minutes into the dad journey or 20 years deep. Key Takeaways: Your first child takes the brunt of who you were before you did the work — and that's a call to action, not a reason for guilt. Emotion is a compass. When something doesn't feel right in how you're parenting, that discomfort is pointing you somewhere important. The ego is one of the biggest obstacles to becoming a great father. Learning to put it down is a skill. Children love unconditionally — and watching that play out in real time can be the most powerful catalyst for change. Presence isn't passive. It's a disciplined, conscious effort — and it's worth more than any material thing you can give a child. Parenting evolves across your kids. Who you were raising your first child is rarely who you are by the third. Your kids are watching everything: how you carry yourself in public, how you treat your wife, how you handle conflict. A community of aligned fathers is a rare and powerful thing. Other dads can become genuine co-parents when the values match. Sports can build character or crush it — knowing when to protect your child from an environment that's gone wrong is just as important as pushing them toward competition. The moment your adult child acknowledges you as a father is one of the most meaningful experiences of the journey — and it makes the hard years worth it. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - Intro: Parenting requires constant shifting (01:32) - Meet Kevin Button & family overview (03:14) - Parenting across 21 years: the exhaustion and the joy (05:31) - Generational patterns & what gets passed down (06:36) - Kevin's childhood: divorce, stepfathers, and structure (08:17) - Growing up without a strong father figure (10:08) - What dads model in the small moments (12:26) - Trevor takes the brunt of young-dad mistakes (13:55) - The ego and the damage it does (15:36) - Neural pathways and reverting to what you know (17:04) - The garage meditation moment that changed everything (18:36) - A 3-year-old's "I love you" that broke Kevin open (20:35) - Kids love unconditionally — adults have to learn it (22:58) - Building a fatherhood village with the Coopers (24:01) - What aligned fatherhood friendships look like (27:00) - Other men as fatherhood influences (28:54) - Leo moves to North Carolina during COVID (31:21) - What it means to trust another dad with your son (32:47) - Sports philosophy: Trevor, basketball, and Waldorf (36:23) - Ryland's AAU journey and knowing when to walk away (40:34) - Shifting your approach between children (41:51) - Boys protecting their mother — and growing up (43:36) - The moment Trevor acknowledged Kevin as a father (44:52) - Advice for new dads: presence above all else (46:27) - Put the phone down. Slow time down. (47:09) - Wrapping up: Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now

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  • #17
    April 21 · 40 min

    Ep 17: Find Your Tribe: A Girl Dad's Guide to Fatherhood and Evolving

    What happens when a 24-year-old decides, in the middle of Alaska, that failure is not an option? Dustin Shephard — mortgage professional, girl dad, and North Shore of Oahu native — joins Tony Cooper for a raw conversation about becoming a father young, raising three daughters across two very different seasons of life, and what it really means to evolve as a dad. Dustin shares how a difficult childhood became the fuel that drove him to be better, why surrounding yourself with the right people changes everything, and the honest mistakes he made pushing too hard — and what he learned from them. Key Takeaways: There's no playbook for fatherhood — every dad is figuring it out as they go The anger or "chip on your shoulder" that drives you early on eventually needs to evolve into something healthier Your kids are always watching how you model work ethic, resilience, and getting back up Being a girl dad requires learning how to motivate differently than you might motivate yourself Community and tribe matter — the concept of ohana isn't just Hawaiian culture, it's a blueprint for fatherhood Full custody is a gift and a responsibility — Dustin's story of dropping everything to get Grace is a defining moment Each child gives you a new opportunity to grow — Dustin's approach to his youngest looks nothing like his approach to his eldest Social media consumption vs. creation is a conversation every parent needs to have with their kids Writing down your goals as a father — not just physical or financial goals — is a practice that changes your intentionality Vulnerability with your adult children isn't weakness; it's the bridge to a new kind of relationship This is a fatherhood podcast for dads who want to do more than just get through the day — and Dustin delivers the kind of grounded, hard-won wisdom you'll actually want to write down. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - – Intro: surround yourself with the right people (00:30) - – Tony introduces Dustin Shephard (01:45) - – Meet Dustin's three daughters (03:09) - – Finding out he was going to be a dad in Alaska (04:36) - – "Success is the only option" — the mindset shift (05:04) - – A different childhood: parents splitting, moving out at 15 (06:30) - – The chip on the shoulder and where it came from (07:40) - – Abandonment, letting go, and understanding his parents (08:49) - – What he admired in his parents and what he chose to change (09:48) - – Dad's Vietnam service, trauma, and eventual transformation (10:06) - – A 78-year-old dad getting a second go — and thriving (11:43) - – Ohana: what Hawaii taught him about tribe and family (13:27) - – Bringing the ohana spirit into his kids' upbringing (14:40) - – Getting full custody of Grace — and not waiting (15:41) - – Extreme Ownership and pushing too hard in parenting (17:11) - – Learning to read the room: balancing guidance and freedom (17:36) - – Morning routines, modeling resilience, sharing highs and lows (20:06) - – Transitioning from parent to peer with adult kids (22:45) - – Letting your adult child tell you what they need (29:48) - – Social media: consumption vs. creation with your kids (33:49) - – Instilling values as the lens through which kids see the world (38:56) - – Advice for brand new dads: tribe, intentionality, writing it down (40:15) - – Tony closes out Round One with Dustin

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  • #16
    April 14 · 35 min

    Ep 16: What Your Kids Learn When You're Not Looking

    Your kids are watching everything you do — and learning from none of what you say. Henry Poole — creative entrepreneur, father of two grown sons, and one of the most thoughtful men Tony Cooper knows — sits down for a deep, honest conversation about what it really means to parent with intention. From discovering the emotion of anger in his 40s to forgiving his father in a therapist's office before his first son was even born, Henry's path to conscious fatherhood is unlike anything you've heard before. Key Takeaways: Kids learn from behavior, not words — if you tell them not to hit while hitting them, you've already lost the lesson Anger isn't a broken emotion — it's lightning, natural and necessary, and learning to express it honestly changed Henry's entire family dynamic Forgiving your own father before you become a father may be the single most powerful thing you can do Overcorrecting away from your parents' style can create its own set of problems — resilience requires some rough edges Coming from two very different cultural and religious backgrounds creates both conflict and extraordinary perspective The "strict father / nurturing mother" archetypes are deeper than we think — and when one partner shifts, the other often follows Seeing your child as frozen in a negative state of being actually generates that state — the way you see your child shapes who they become Unconditional love isn't just a feeling, it's a way of seeing — and it may be the most important gift a parent can give Being openly a work in progress in front of your kids gives them permission to be one too The goal isn't to raise perfect kids — it's to model the kind of growth they'll carry for the rest of their live If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ (00:00) - – Opening: parents are always growing (00:30) - – Tony introduces Henry Poole (00:56) - – Meet Henry's sons: Aiden and Oliver (01:34) - – World travel with an infant — and the "Ambassador" (03:43) - – How Henry stays present: mind over matter on a plane (05:15) - – Bicultural parents: Austrian mom, Oklahoman dad (05:44) - – A preacher's son who became an atheist (06:25) - – The challenge of different emotional cultures in one household (07:39) - – Is parenting disagreement a problem or a gift? (08:58) - – Learning about himself: NLP therapy and the anger discovery (10:33) - – Was anger missing from his house, or just hidden? (12:31) - – Anger coming out sideways — and how it showed up for the family (13:04) - – When Henry got angry, Maria stopped being angry (14:47) - – How Aiden experienced his dad's emotional shift (15:35) - – The mangled tree on 4th Street Berkeley (16:31) - – Both archetypes — strict and nurturing — need to be present (17:45) - – What Henry would do differently — and why it still worked out (18:29) - – Unconditional love and seeing your child as whole (21:27) - – Henry talked to Aiden about it in real time (22:28) - – Letting kids see you as a work in progress (23:29) - – Henry's father: strict, reserved, and deeply loving (26:47) - – Overcorrecting toward nurturing — and what it cost (27:07) - – Behaving like his father the moment Aiden was born (27:54) - – Generational trauma: the programming passes on until you break it (29:29) - – Forgiving his father in therapy — the single most impactful act (32:02) - – How fathers used to express love through toughening kids up (33:52) - – Closing advice: model behavior, not words (34:40) - – Tony closes out with Henry

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