The CALM Parent - with Katie McKenna

Katie McKenna

You did the work to understand your childhood – so why do you react in ways you swore you never would?

The CALM Parent is for the parent who had to grow up too fast — and knows exactly which parent they don't want to become.

The roles were reversed – your parents were the ones who needed regulating, but you were the one who had to do it.

This is how it ends with you.

Katie McKenna is an Accredited Psychotherapist, Author of the Sunday Times Bestseller 'You're Not The Problem', Host of 'Beyond Survival' - The Therapy Podcast, creator of The CALM Method, and Mother of four.

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9 episodes
Avg 22 min
English

Episodes 9

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S1 · E8
Tuesday · 29 min
Guilt vs Shame (Ep. 8)
Guilt says I did a bad thing. Shame says I am a bad person. If you grew up being shamed for so much as wanting to be seen, you probably can’t tell them apart. You’ve been swimming in shame so long it doesn’t feel like an emotion. It feels like who you are. In this episode I unpack the difference. Guilt is specific, temporary, and it moves you towards repair. Shame is global. It’s the feeling of wanting the ground to open up and swallow you. I also share what happened when, at eleven, I spent three hours scrubbing the house spotless and asked my mother if she’d noticed. Then we bring it home to your kids: why rescuing them from guilt does them a disservice how to let them feel bad about what they did without telling them they are bad why holding a limit they hate isn’t something to feel guilty about Because if their feelings were never yours to carry, what exactly did you do wrong? Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up - Free Masterclass Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E7
October 6 · 38 min
What Do You Need to Put Down? (Ep. 7)
You were the responsible one. The one who knew your mother's mood before she'd said a word. The one who kept the peace, said sorry for things you didn't do, and made sure nobody outside the house ever knew. Now your child comes home from school with that look, and something in you is already scrambling to fix it. It's the same on a Sunday. You've cooked the dinner, pictured everyone chatting around the table, and instead they're bickering, moaning about the food, or scrolling under the table. And you feel the alarm go off in your chest, as if it's your job to make sure everyone's happy. In this episode, I talk about the box of responsibility you were handed as a child, why it followed you into parenting, and how to start sorting what's yours from what never was. Listen to find out how much of what you're carrying was never yours to hold. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up - Free Masterclass Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E6
September 29 · 24 min
Striking When the Iron's Cold (ep. 6)
They ignore you the first time. So you repeat yourself or start explaining — three or four different ways, making sure they understand why this matters. And somehow, the more you say, the less they listen. This week, I get into why over-explaining backfires: it overwhelms them, gives them something to tune out, or worse, hands them the exact ammunition they need to argue you out of the thing you were asking for in the first place. I talk about the moment my own kid called me out — "yeah, but you'll give in" — and why they were right. And I introduce striking when the iron's cold: setting your expectations before the moment happens, not in the middle of it, so you're not standing there negotiating while everyone's already at a nine or ten. If you've ever caught yourself giving a whole speech over a pile of laundry, this one's for you. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E5
September 22 · 30 min
The Biggest Trap (ep. 5)
You've said the same thing a hundred times. It's the same conversation — and now you're standing there thinking, this can't be my life. Surely it's easier in everyone else's house. This week, I name the trap almost every parent falls into without realising it: denial. Not the big, obvious kind — the quiet kind, where you're standing at the bottom of the stairs for the third time going, I can't believe he's doing this again, right before you start bargaining, pleading, and eventually losing it. I walk through the loop — denial, bargaining, anger, hopelessness — and what it actually looks like to step out of it. Not by fixing your kid. By recognising this is happening, it's shit, and you're still bigger than the problem. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up - Free Masterclass Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E4
September 15 · 29 min
Tug of War (Ep. 4)
This week, I get into the tug of war on power — the daily battles where so many of us hand our authority straight back to our kids without even noticing. I introduce dropping the rope: not giving in, not going passive, but the real shift from pleading with your kid to holding a limit that isn't coming from fear. It's the difference between managing their reaction and actually holding the line — and once you can see it, you can't stop noticing how often you've been doing the first one. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up - Free Masterclass Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E3
September 10 · 22 min
Which F Are You? (ep. 3)
You've asked your kid to so something three times now. Your voice is getting louder. What happens next tells you everything. In episode three, Katie breaks down the four F's — and shows you which one you default to when frustration finally tips over. Do you blow up after holding it in too long? Give in and just do it yourself? Go quiet and avoid the conflict altogether? Or stay so busy you never even ask? None of these are your personality. They're survival responses that made sense once — and once you can name yours, you can finally start working with your nervous system instead of against it. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E2
September 10 · 13 min
What's Driving Your Behaviour? (Ep. 2)
Are you the one who does everything yourself because relying on people always ends the same way? Or the one who'd rather swallow it than risk someone being annoyed with you? In episode two, Katie shows you why those two look nothing alike but run on the exact same fear — and what's actually happening in your brain the moment you go from "fine" to "fight or flight" in under a second. She shows you why your smoke alarm can start going off over steam from the kettle, not just actual fire — and why that 6pm meltdown was never proof you're a bad mother. It was proof you were somewhere your rational brain couldn't reach. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
S1 · E1
September 10 · 11 min
The Gap That Exists (ep. 1)
In the first episode of The CALM Parent, Katie McKenna opens with the gap she built this whole podcast to close — the space between knowing which parent you don't want to be and actually knowing what to do instead. She talks about why gentle parenting scripts fall apart the second you're dysregulated, what your baseline number actually means, and why the goal was never zero. And for the first time, she turns the focus away from your kid entirely and asks about you — when did you last have fun, when did you last actually rest, and what happens in your body at the very thought of putting yourself first. Take The Quiz - What is Your Number? Sign up to The CALM Parent Newsletter
- Transcript
August 21 · 3 min
Trailer
This isn't going to be another podcast handing you scripts written for someone who had a calm parent to copy. In this trailer, Katie McKenna — psychotherapist, mother of four, and author of You're Not the Problem — introduces The C.A.L.M. Parent: the podcast for the version of you that's not calm, not regulated, and sick of being told it's about willpower. Three minutes on the gap between knowing who you don't want to be and knowing what to do instead — and why this podcast starts with you, not your kid. Sign up to my Newsletter to know when the first episode drops The CALM Parent is for the parent who had to grow up too fast — and knows exactly which parent they don't want to become. The roles were reversed – your parents were the ones who needed regulating, but you were the one who had to do it. This is how it ends with you.
- Transcript

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