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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Robyn Gobbel

Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work. 

You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.

Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!

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  • 23 episodes
  • weekly
  • Avg 46 min
  • English

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  • Tuesday · 38 min

    EP 281: What I Wanted Every Kid in My Office to Know

    My guiding north star when I was a therapist working with kids (and grown-ups) was always helping them not just get to know their brain and how it works, but actually to develop a relationship with the parts of themselves that seemed to always be getting into trouble. It's not really just brain facts that are helpful to kids. Teaching them about their brain creates the possibility that they can develop a new relationship with their brain- and that’s where the real magic starts to happen. In this episode you'll learn: Why understanding your kid's brain matters less than helping them build an actual relationship with it — one held by compassion and curiosity instead of judgment What integration of consciousness and state integration mean, and why flexibility between an owl, watchdog, and possum state (or whatever your family calls them) is the real marker of change Why modeling this with your own watchdog and possum first gives your kid permission to risk doing the same I’m teaching a live webinar on how to actually do this with your own kids on September 8 — and if you're already part of The Club, it's included, no extra registration needed. Resources mentioned in this podcast: Online Training! Teach Kids About Their Owl, Watchdog & Possum Brain! → RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/relationshiptobrain Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #280
    August 25 · 58 min

    EP 280: Either You Co-Regulate or You De-Escalate: An Interview with Chrissy D’Agostino

    You've probably heard "a dysregulated adult can't co-regulate a child" a hundred times. But if you've ever been stuck in a store with a screaming kid — or a classroom with 17 screaming kids — and zero bandwidth left, you know how useless that advice can feel in the moment. This episode is a conversation with Chrissy D'Agostino, co-author of the new Early Years Guidebook from the Regulated Classroom, about what to do when you're with a dysregulated child, and you're dysregulated too. You’ll hear practical ideas that are actually helpful for a stressed and tapped-out grown-up. In this episode, you will learn: Why relying so heavily on your voice and your words all day is quietly wearing down your nervous system The four practices (connectors, activators, settlers, affirmations) that help widen everyone's window of tolerance, at home or in the classroom Why "meet the moment" is a more useful goal than "manage the outcome" Resources mentioned in this podcast: The Regulated Classroom → Regulated Classroom Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/earlyyears Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #279
    August 18 · 42 min

    EP 279: Is There a Behavior Intervention Flowchart??

    You want the flowchart. Of course you do! If X, then Y would be something to follow when there's no bandwidth left to think it through in the moment. But there isn't a flowchart, and this episode gets into why: stress capacity shifts by the hour, different nervous system states pull different memory networks online, and two nervous systems are shaping each other in real time, not just one. What there is instead is a map. Knowing both how to read it and how to adjust when something unexpected happens is crucial. In this episode you'll learn: Why a flowchart for dysregulated behavior is neurobiologically impossible Why the strategy that worked yesterday isn't working today Why the goal isn't figuring out the exact reason behind a behavior; it's staying curious instead of certain Resources mentioned in this podcast: Stealing {EP 138} → RobynGobbel.com/stealing Lying, Stealing, Regression & Baby Talk {EP 222} → RobynGobbel.com/babytalk Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/flowchart Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #278
    August 11 · 44 min

    EP 278: So Many Services! How to Prioritize?

    OT on Tuesday, a speech eval callback on Wednesday, play therapy on Thursday, a school meeting on Friday that's really just another appointment in disguise. When the calendar starts looking like a second job, the question that actually matters isn't a number — it's whether all of it is moving your family toward regulation, connection, and felt safety, or quietly draining it. This episode walks through how to prioritize when everything's been recommended, and nothing fits, when it's genuinely okay to pause the therapy someone called non-negotiable, and why supporting your own nervous system might be the highest-leverage intervention in the whole house. In this episode you'll learn: How to tell whether your family's current appointment load is building felt safety or quietly working against it A framework for prioritizing between recommended therapies when you can't do all of them, including what to weigh beyond which one "sounds" most important Why pausing or delaying a therapy you've been told is essential isn't neglect Why your own support sometimes needs to move to the top of the list Resources mentioned in this podcast: The Brain Science Behind Your Child's Biggest Behaviors→ RobynGobbel.com/brainseries A NeuroDevelopmental Approach {EP 47} → RobynGobbel.com/neurodevelopmentalapproach 20 Non-Therapy Therapeutic Interventions → RobynGobbel.com/therapeuticinterventions Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/somanyservices Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • August 4 · 55 min

    Ep 277: This Kind of Shame Doesn't Heal Alone: A Parent Guest

    So many struggling and overwhelmed parents feel like their biggest problems are their kids' behaviors and the chaos that's taking over their family. This week's guest, a longtime Club member, talks about how she slowly came to realize that what she really needed to focus on wasn't strategies to change her kids' behavior, but experiences that would soften the shame she was carrying. This guest bravely shares that her shame didn't soften on her own. It took showing up in community with other parents who were honest about their own mess and who received her without judgment, over and over, before she could start offering herself that same compassion. In this episode you'll learn: Why self-compassion is almost impossible to build alone How this mom's own regulation changed before her kids' behavior did What it sounds like when your kids start offering that same compassion back to you — and to themselves Read the full transcript at: URL goes here Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • July 28 · 38 min

    EP 276: Cues of Safety: How to Help when Nothing is Ever Right

    Every morning (or afternoon or evening) feels like just one long stream of complaints. Breakfast isn’t right, the bowl isn’t right, SOMETHING is always not right, and no matter what gets fixed, it’s never right enough. ^That perfectly describes a nervous system stuck in protection mode. This week’s episode explores how and why nervous systems get stuck and practical ways you can help- even when NOTHING you do seems to help. In this episode you will learn: Why your child's reaction is almost never about the thing they're reacting to What it means for the past to show up as a "tsunami" in the present moment Three simple places to start dropping in more felt safety today, even before anything else changes Next month in The Club we’re hosting a workshop so we can all get together, pull out the Grow Your Child’s Owl Brain with Cues of Safety workbook, and make a real plan for how to increase safety in your child’s stream of the NOW - which eventually does calm the tsunami in the stream of the past Resources mentioned in this podcast: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3)→ RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1 All Behavior Makes Sense → RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessense Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cuesofsafety Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #275
    July 21 · 45 min

    EP 275: Does Lowering Demands Ever Cause More Stress?

    Screens. Sugar. Anything that feels really good. The advice to just "lower the demand" can fall really short because for some kids, more access brings real relief. But for others, more access actually causes more stress and we wind up asking kids to take on a responsibility that is beyond their developmental capacity. This episode digs into what's actually generating the stress underneath the behavior, and what it looks like when a kid needs to be held steady instead of shifting our expectations. In this episode you will learn: Why high-reward things like screens carry their own built-in stress, and how that changes the question of whether to give more access or less What it looks like when a kid needs the burden of managing something taken off their shoulders entirely How to tell if a boundary is actually working: not whether your kid protests, but which direction things are trending over time If this is landing for you and you want to map this out for your own kid, come join us in The Club. Our resource library and our members will help you map your child’s nervous system, troubleshoot things when they don’t seem to be getting any better, and show you how to take care of yourself in the middle of all of it. Resources mentioned in this podcast: Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/enabling Exploring Low Demand Parenting → RobynGobbel.com/lowdemand Stress Response System → RobynGobbel.com/stressresponse Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/morestress Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • July 14 · 49 min

    EP 274: The Only Three Things You Actually Need to Remember

    Every behavior. Every parenting moment that feels impossible. It all comes back to three sentences — the three core tenets that distill how relational neuroscience makes sense of behavior and give us a roadmap toward change. This episode lays out the three truths underneath everything I do — this podcast, my books, The Club, the Immersion Program — and why they matter more than any single strategy ever could. Caring for kids with big, baffling behaviors is so overwhelming and confusing. Having an anchor is non-negotiable. In this episode you'll learn: The three sentences that hold up this entire framework and sum up what behavior really is Why Social Baseline Theory says your nervous system was never built to carry hard moments alone How these three truths can help in the middle of a meltdown — with your kid, with yourself, with anyone you love who's having a hard time You don't have to hold onto these truths by yourself. That's what The Club is for! Resources mentioned in this podcast: Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/threethings Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #273
    July 7 · 42 min

    EP 273: What this Framework Asks of Helpers

    You know that kid who just can't stay in the therapy room? They leave, wander around, get into things that aren't theirs, or are maybe even destructive? And three therapists have already called it quits. Maybe this describes your kid. Maybe this describes the kids you work with. This episode is for both of you. The helper who is trying to be with this kid, wondering what they're doing wrong. The helper who is working with a furious or checked-out parent — because it's the same question. But this episode is for the parent of that kid, too. In this episode you will learn: Why saying yes to this work means saying yes to dysregulation — kid dysregulation, parent dysregulation, all of it What it looks like to stay regulated next to someone else's protection mode, whether that's a kid on a windowsill or a parent saying nothing is working Why a helper- or a parent- can't do this alone; and how being met with regulation yourself is what makes it possible to offer it to someone else. Come find your people — the ones who get how hard and how worth it this work is. If you’re a parent or caregiver, join us in The Club at robyngobbel.com/theclub If you’re a helper and want to be included in my database of professionals trained in my framework, apply for the immersion program at https://RobynGobbel.com/immersion Resources mentioned in this podcast: Reframing Resistance → https://robyngobbel.com/training/reframing-resistance/RobynGobbel.com/starthere Immersion Program → RobynGobbel.com/immersion Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/helperframework Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • June 30 · 44 min

    EP 272: Where Do I Even Start? A Brand New Listener's Roadmap

    When life is overwhelming and your kid's behavior makes no sense — and feels like it's getting worse — even the best resources get hard to use. You're too dysregulated to sort through 270 episodes or an almost 300-page book to figure out where to start. Of course you are. This episode breaks down why you freeze in the face of new information, or end up just begging someone to tell you what to do — plus a personal story about learning that the hard way, and the actual order to work through instead. In this episode, you’ll learn Why "I don't even know where to start" is a regulation problem wearing a content problem's clothes Why more information stopped being the answer at a certain point, and what had to happen instead The exact order to work through first — and which of three free roadmaps actually matches where you are right now Resources mentioned in this podcast: Start Here Podcast: The 6-episode series built to go first → RobynGobbel.com/starthere Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior — free masterclass + ebook → RobynGobbel.com/masterclass The Owl/Watchdog/Possum, Stress-Brain-Behavior, and Parent Regulation roadmaps → RobynGobbel.com/downloadroadmaps Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/WhereDoIStart Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • June 23 · 49 min

    EP 271: 4 Functions of Behavior, FBAs, and a Nervous System Approach

    For years, "the four functions of behavior" has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It's not wrong, but it's not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what's underneath it once we go looking with a relational neuroscience lens. In this episode, you'll learn: Where the four functions of behavior actually came from, and why this is relevant Why naming a behavior's "function" and saying it started in the nervous system aren't competing ideas — they're just two different layers of the same truth What's actually underneath attention-seeking, escape, tangible-seeking, and sensory behavior - and how to start identifying the missing skill that can be scaffolded Resources Mentioned on the Podcast All Behavior Makes Sense ep. 198 When it’s not Working ep 261 The Club (membership community + troubleshooting worksheet) Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/behaviorfunction Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
  • #270
    June 16 · 47 min

    EP 270: What is Your Kid's Nervous System Predicting? (Part 3 of 3)

    We've been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we're doing the detective work: what is your specific child's nervous system actually predicting? In This Episode Three detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child's stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors are actually protecting against Why you don't have to get the detective work exactly right, because the mismatched experience that changes the brain is almost always the same thing no matter what prediction is running How your working theory about your child's nervous system changes something in you first, and why this is so important (but also, no pressure. We’re all doing the best we can) Resources Mentioned Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook The Club — robyngobbel.com/theclub Immersion Program for Professionals — robyngobbel.com/immersion Part 1 of this series: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck Part 2 of this series: What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/predicting Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • June 9 · 38 min

    EP 269: What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors (Part 2 of 3)

    Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We're diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part - shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense. In this episode you'll learn: Why your child's dysregulation isn't the obstacle to healing; it's actually the doorway to it The two mechanisms that change sticky behaviors at the neurological level, why one creates the conditions for the other, and why neither of them will look like anything is working for a long time What it actually means to stay regulated during your child's hardest moments Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/changesticky Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • #268
    June 2 · 50 min

    EP 268: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3)

    If you've tried everything and a behavior just won't stop…that's a sticky behavior. Let's dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We'll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. This is Part 1 of a 3-part series that brings new aha moments to your child's most baffling behaviors. In this episode, you will learn: Why your child's brain holds onto certain behaviors so tightly, and why it has nothing to do with defiance or choice What neural glue is and why the behaviors encoded under overwhelm and aloneness are the stickiest of all Why the urge to make a behavior stop can actually confirm the very prediction the behavior is protecting Resources mentioned in this podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/immersion/ Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1 Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • #267
    May 26 · 52 min

    Ep. 267: Boredom Triggers Dysregulation

    When kids can't tolerate boredom, it's easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode. In this episode, you'll learn: Why boredom can trigger the nervous system to shift onto the protection pathway How vulnerability in the nervous system (whether from ADHD, autism, trauma, or any other reason a kid has a vulnerable nervous system) impacts a child's experience of boredom Practical, nervous-system-informed ways to gradually build your child's boredom tolerance Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boredom Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • May 22 · 54 min

    EP 266: When Things Are Genuinely Impossible: One Dad’s Story

    A dad - who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families - shares an honest and tender conversation about what it's actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and The Club…and what has genuinely helped him keep going. This one is for every parent who has felt utterly alone in this journey- AND for every professional who needs a reminder of what the real work actually is. In this episode you'll learn: Why being seen by people who truly get it matters more than any tool or strategy How learning to receive and offer presence (not just advice) changes the way you show up everywhere- with your kids, at work, and even in a Whataburger drive-through What it looks like to hold hope and honesty at the same time- staying grounded in how hard things really are without sliding into toxic positivity or despair Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • May 19 · 1 hr

    EP 265: Nothing Changed & Everything Changed - A mom interview

    A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment. Yet somehow, everything changed. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the shift from "I have to fix this right now" to "I can just be with you in this" is the thing that changes everything — for your kids and for you How letting go of performing shame (in school meetings, with professionals, for society) freed up the energy to actually parent Why the biggest leaps — academic, emotional, social — consistently happened during the stretches when they stopped trying to fix anything and just existed together Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everythingchanged Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! The new Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors hits the shelves on September 21! AND! If you pre-order TWO or more copies, you can come to Baffling Behaviors LIVE! - a day-long live event for parents and caregivers in Richmond, VA on September 21. RobynGobbel.com/LIVE Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • May 12 · 40 min

    EP 264: Responding to the Judgement and Advice from Others

    Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say, what's actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation. In this episode: Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other person's protection brain How to recognize when explaining yourself won't actually help Practical ways to respond to judgment Scripts "Thank you. I'm comfortable with our parenting decisions." "I hear you. I need to tend to my child right now." Neutral / Redirect "We've got it covered, thanks." "We have a lot of support around this." "I have people I go to for that." "That's not something I'm looking for input on." "We're working with someone on it." Warmer with a Clear Boundary "I appreciate that you care. We're good." "Thanks for thinking of us — we've got support." Confident / Firmer "I'm not looking for advice, but thank you." "That's not actually something I'm open to feedback on." "We're pretty settled on how we're handling it." "I'm not going to take that in, but I hear you." For the chronic offender "We've talked about this- we're not changing course." "I've let you know this isn't something I want input on." The subject-change version "Mmm. Anyway…" (and move on) "Noted." (full stop) Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/judgement Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • #163
    May 5 · 37 min

    EP 263: The Framework That Works on Everyone in the Room

    Whether you're supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who's convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational neuroscience framework. This paradigm supports your work with kids, parents, and yourself. You only have to learn it once, because it scales! This is the second episode in a row I’ve recorded for professionals and helpers. Next week, we’ll be back with episodes for parents! (Of course, anyone can listen to all of them!) In this episode, you'll learn: Why the nervous system framework that explains kids' behavior is the exact same one that explains parents' behavior…and yours What it actually means to "be the owl" as a professional, and why that is the intervention Why your reactions to clients aren't failures of professionalism. Their information, and getting curious about them, makes you a better helper Resources mentioned in this podcast: All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198} Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/framework Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

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  • #262
    April 28 · 37 min

    EP 262: Why Helpers Burn Out- and what to do about it

    The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause. This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. All the helpers who are tired and wondering how much longer they can keep doing this. In this episode, you'll learn: Why working with clients in chronic protection mode pulls helpers into protection mode too - and how that's the real starting point of burnout Applying the "all behavior makes sense" framework to your own nervous system responses changes everything about how you work The skill that actually prevents burnout - and why bubble baths and calendar blocking aren't it And if you want to learn more, you can join 4000+ other professionals and me in Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors- a 4-part free audio training for professionals! Resources mentioned in this podcast: All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198} Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/burnout Teaching Kids about their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain is one great way to help GROW their owl brain! And I can teach you exactly how! Head to RobynGobbel.com/TeachKidsTheBrain for information and registration.https://robyngobbel.com/training/teachkidsthebrain/ We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals! RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

    • Transcript
Showing 1–20 of 23 episodes