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The Ascertainers

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S4 · E184
Friday · 39 min
Episode 184: The Princess Bride Debate
Send us Fan Mail We are back in the Dojio (Dojo/Studio--copyright pending)... Mark gets back to Newt's Tighten up Enough with the political ads already Side effects include Like a Rock Errors & Ommish The Princess Bride Sex tape "You know I can hear you..." RIP Patrick Stewart Are those real? Songs of the Week All the Way From Memphis--Mott the Hoople Love Doesn't Kill You--Fastball The Ascertainers Platform? Newt's--Saving the best for last Mock turtleneck #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund
S4 · E183
October 30 · 38 min
Episode 183: Vast Improvement
Send us Fan Mail Thanks for coming back! We resolved most of our audio issues brought about by taking the show on the road to Mark's place. No excuses now. Blame Jim's hair The human disposal Abe's 60th Andy's got the gout Fake knee update Pizza review--Bricksworth Shoutout Pat K GI Joe with the Bob Dole Grip Try to be funny SNL Taylor Swift shade The downfall of music? Newt's--You're Still the One RIP a bunch of people New SKU for MyPillow Death talk (but in a good way) Songs of the Week: Sports--Viagra Boys It's all Over Now, Baby Blue--Them The Heating Dude #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com Viagra Boys - Sports (Official Video) Them - It's All Over Now, Baby Blue ( ROCKER 1972 )
S4 · E182
October 23 · 40 min
Episode 182: Road Trip
Send us Fan Mail Since Mark is recovering from his knee replacement, we took the show on the road (to his house). The audio is seriously iffy--thanks for your understanding. We know what caused it and it will be fixed! Also--the wives join us! Mark's knee replacement Nurse Ratchet The bump in the night The knee fairy? Our temporary set up Mark's class reunion Dixie from Emergency Hi Karen! Yoko Newt's--They do takeout too! MarkGPT Laugh riot Songs of the Week: Superstar--The Carpenters Sign of the Times--Harry Styles Nicole--Point Blank Killing the Blues--Robert Plant and Alison Krauss Bob Dole grip #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com Carpenters - Superstar - YouTube Harry Styles - Sign of the Times (Official Video) Nicole - POINT BLANK Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Killing The Blues (Live Jools Holland 2008)
S4 · E181
October 9 · 43 min
Episode 181: Ski-U-Meh
Send us Fan Mail We don't talk about the Gophers the whole time, Jim just liked that title so much... This is a sports-heavy episode, though. It moves along rather nicely for us. Medical Minute 'Merica Mark reviews Cygnus X-1 Wax on whacks off Maybe just leave the Band-Aid on Newt's--it'll be moist Get well soon, Ellie (Jim's mom) the Whimpy Diet Tale of two QB's Big props, Brian Flores Head Coach bona fides They don't fire the players You can't spit in here Mark and PJ sitting in a tree... Ski-U-Meh Frogtown Football color guys Songs of the Week: Allison--Elvis Costello Pump it Up--Elvis Costello & the Attractions Can I get some more Chalamet over here? #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com ELVIS COSTELLO Alison 1977 Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Pump It Up
S4 · E180
October 2 · 42 min
Episode 180: Your Wife's Class Reunion
Send us Fan Mail We are joined by Jim's wife, Kris who had quite a week. Between her exotic train trip to Milwaukee (jealous?) and her class reunion, we're just glad she found time to hang out with us. Mark's Japanese beer review Shoutout Linda--our loyal Milwaukee listener! Train travel recap There'll be no smokin' on the bus The Amish--what's their deal? Errors & Ommissions Condoleezza Rice The Class Reunion... Mark's body double Songs of the Week Keep on Lovin' You -- REO Speedwagon Ready For Love -- The Mick Ralphs version Zugzegk -- Angine de Poitrine Shatner does metal Prom stories She ended up leaving with Jim (happily ever after) #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com Links to songs of the week will be up soon
S4 · E179
September 25 · 49 min
Episode 179: Serious About Comedy
Send us Fan Mail We are joined by our mystery guest one more time. It's the second recording of the night and our guy Maverick is loosened up and ready to rip! Even so, this is a surprisingly insightful hang--but fun as hell. Duct tape and regret Jamie Foxx roasts a dude John Marshall HS Plan A was comedy Open mike I'm the dad Comedy talk Mark's the straight man Gay 90's Golf recap Newts Apple Pie Shake--get it How to eat a banana Fruits n Veg Hydrate Songs of the Week: Melissa--The Allman Brothers Figure it Out--Royal Blood Since You Been Gone--Rainbow #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund JAMIE FOXX DESTROYS Comedian | I'm Your Conscience Allman Brothers Blues Band - Melissa - Acoustic - Live Music - Gregg & Dickie Betts - Video Royal Blood - Figure It Out (Official Video) Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone
S4 · E178
September 16 · 41 min
Episode 178: 9/11 Never Forget
Send us Fan Mail Not really a knee slapper, but talking about what's on most people's minds 25 years later. Shoutout Reilly with the hair Shoutout our guy Kent and his date Step 1: Go to Newt's. Step 2: Get the Cuban. Remembering 9/11 25 years later much has changed First responders Veterans in power Will we ever be united again? 2001--a look back Lunatic fringe Apologies to the Corvette Club Still the best country in the world Songs of the Week All These Things That I've Done--The Killers Silver Dollar--April Wine #NewtsAppleValley #ColinBalesBenefitFund The Killers - All These Things That I've Done (Official Music Video) April Wine - Silver Dollar (1978) TheAscertainers@gmail.com
S4 · E177
September 11 · 50 min
Episode 177: The Mystery Guest Returns
Send us Fan Mail Always good to have the Mystery Guest stop by for a round of golf, some tasty eats and some quality conversation. Don't forget to check out the links at the bottom with Songs of the Week. Call me Maverick Golf recap Newt's guest reviewer Errors & Ommishhh Don't hate our Dolly 7 Brew Krispy Kreme Bad move Buc-ee's Nerd stuff K-Mart Yard kids Vikings Song of the Week Joker and the Thief--Wolfmother Travelin' Man--Bob Seger Steady as She Goes--The Raconteurs It Might Get Loud #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com Wolfmother - Joker and the Thief Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band Travellin' Man & Beautiful Loser LIVE w Lyrics in Description Glastonbury 2008 Live video The Raconteurs Steady As She Goes Tim Robinson | King of the Slams (Best Scene) It Might Get Loud | Official Trailer (2009)
S4 · E176
September 4 · 43 min
Episode 176: Dolly Parton
Send us Fan Mail We lost a legend in Dolly Parton. We try to honor her contributions to society--the Ascertainer's way. Artificial Stupidity Newt's--Undefeated Nachos Lunar Eclipse Colin Bales Benefit Fund Bela Karolyi facts John Paul Jones--not a good dude One False Move Christopher Nolan Movies They Call Me Gaz Marv Albert Frank Beard Moon landing? RIP Dolly Parton and Tim Curry Only in America Shame on you Barbara Walters True giving Songs of the Week It's All Wrong But It's Alright--Dolly Parton Mercy Mercy Mercy--Cannonball Adderley #NewtsAppleValleyMN ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com DOLLY PARTON :: It's All Wrong But It's All Right Cannonball Adderley - Mercy Mercy Mercy, Walk Tall. With Joe Zawinul, Nat Adderley
S4 · E175
August 28 · 40 min
Episode 175: Pescatarian No More
Send us Fan Mail Covered a lot of ground on this topic-free episode. Hard to give it a title (as the title would indicate). Couple of laughs to be had. Enjoy. Paul McCartney Miles Mark with the books again Mad Magazine Trent Tucker Newt's is always the correct choice Blues Brothers Pescatarian no more Hurdle talk Songs of the Week: Flyin' High--Ca$ual The Midnight Special--Andy Griffith Golf--Mark good, Jim bad Tony Romo Jack T and his wry smile Election Judge Leper colony The mini van Can't drop the dime thing Green stamps Apache Plaza Grease vs West Side Story #NewtsAppleValleyMN #ColinBalesBenefitFund TheAscertainers@gmail.com CA$UAL - FLYIN' BLIND James Best and Andy Griffith play "The Midnight Special"
S4 · E174
August 21 · 43 min
Episode 174: Colin Bales Benefit Fund
Send us Fan Mail If you here to learn about the Colin Bales Benefit Fund, it starts at around 27:30 minutes in. While we'd love you to listen to the whole thing, we get it--it's not for everybody. https://www.facebook.com/share/1JB2cNQktv/?mibextid=wwXIfr Colin Bales Benefit Fund Red beer night Newt's--Who's zooming who? Actual Amateur Olympians IOC guy--what a dick Pat and Sue--We almost had 'em Mark's golf comeback Gary Cheese Election Judge Mark The Real Estate Novelist Songs of the Week: Sure Got Cold After the Rain Fell--ZZ Top Last Night --The Strokes Billy Bob Colin Bales Benefit Fund Coin talk The Henry Boucha story Follow us on Facebook and we'll stop begging #ColinBalesBenefitFund #NewtsAppleValleyMN ZZ Top: Sure Got Cold After The Rain Fell The Strokes 'Last Nite' TOTP (2001) HD
S4 · E173
August 14 · 40 min
Episode 173: Ascertainer Lung
Send us Fan Mail We have a return appearance from one of our favorite guests, Lance from the Think Drink Disney podcast. Jim's wife is also in the mix for a festive chat. TDD on hiatus? Lance History 101 Shoutout Zerorez Newt's--Try the Cubano Taste the hopelessness Bidet Talk Big Fossil Shoutout neighbor kid Songs of the Week Another Girl, Another Planet--The Replacements The Great Pretender--Dominic Fike Baby--Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise Wondering Why--Red Clay Strays Not Eisenhower? Lady Liberty--or is it? Bela Karoyli Gordon Bombay #NewtsAppleValleyMN TheAscertainers@gmail.com Another Girl, Another Planet (Live) GREAT PRETENDER - YouTube Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise-Baby-Dec 31, 2007 - YouTube The Red Clay Strays - Wondering Why (Live From Red Rocks)
S4 · E172
August 7 · 44 min
Episode 172: Greatest Athletes
Send us Fan Mail An episode with a topic--what a concept. We get interrupted by a neighborhood house fire too. Go to Newt's! Fox Force Five Shoutout our guy Kent (who also eats at Newt's) The Hawk Songs of the Week You Got to Lose--The Black Keys Marathon--Rush Greatest Athletes Jim Thorpe Sebastian Sawe Bud Grant Deion Sanders/Bo Jackson Micael Jordan Mohammad Ali John Curtis (The Loneliest Runner) John Daly #NewtsAppleValleyMN The Ascertainers@gmail.com The Black Keys - You Got To Lose (Official Music Video) - YouTube Rush - "Marathon" Live Birmingham 1988 (Show Of Hands) - 2025 UHD Remaster
S4 · E171
July 31 · 41 min
Episode 171: Cleanup in Aisle 5
Send us Fan Mail Decided to tape two in one night and save the topic one for the second episode. This is the first. Hope you like crap (note that I used lowercase c for crap. If it was pretty bad, I would have spelled Crap. If it was terrible, I would use CRAP). So, it's not that bad. Shoutout to Newt's The Cubano Horse racing trip Cheez it's and Spam Song of the Week I Know a Little--Lynyrd Skynyrd Seasons of Wither--Aerosmith Marcus Welby's little brother Crazy glasses Gene Simmons had it right Let's get this Strait Biopic or Biopic Shoutout Lance from Think Drink Disney #NewtsAppleValleyMN TheAscertainers@gmail.com Lynyrd Skynyrd - I Know A Little (Audio) Seasons Of Wither Aerosmith
S4 · E170
July 24 · 42 min
Episode 170--Ace and Gary Get Sushi
Send us Fan Mail Is it hot enough for ya? We take a break from the heat and smoke of MN to hunker down in the dojio for your entertainment. The Swa episode recap Happy Birthday Renee! X-Golf in a pinch Ace and Gary get sushi World Cup Final British Open Pan O Prog recap Budweiser Clydesdales Errors & Omissions Newt's misses you! Data center vs light bulb Song of the Week: Easy Rider--Taj Mahal Lucky Night Billy Johnson's Roadshow Payton, Brady or Barkley? Angus Young? More like Angus Old Original artist or tribute band? Kids who listen to classic rock #NewtsAppleValleyMN Taj Mahal - E Z Rider Lucky Night Billy Johnson's Roadshow Barstool Saviour Bonus Billy Johnson Check us out on Facebook Complaints: TheAscertainers@gmail.com
S4 · E169
July 17 · 47 min
Episode 169: Liner Notes / Album Art
Send us Fan Mail Jim's guy Swa joins us on this one. Opinions abound. Buckle up. Avid listener House shows An album a day Listening process Beatles controversy Metallica--One Bohemian Rhapsody / Wayne's World Life before the internet Liner notes / Album art Song of the Week: Industrial Disease--Dire Straits Love Song--My New Band Believe Creeque Alley--The Mamas and The Papas God Only Knows controversy Joe's Garage Swa gets mystical #SwaMediaProductions #NewtsAppleValleyMN #MarkWasntHavingIt TheAscertainers@gmail.com Dire Straits - Industrial Disease (1982) HD - YouTube My New Band Believe - Love Story (Official Video) The Mamas & The Papas "Creeque Alley" on The Ed Sullivan Show
S4 · E168
July 10 · 40 min
Episode 168: How 'Bout a Fresca, America?
Send us Fan Mail Hope everyone had an awesome 4th of July! Today we learn how much more cool Mark is than Jim (as if we didn't already know). Decorated Combat Veteran USO Newt's--Say hi to Cory. Or else. Still the best country on the planet Iceland came in second World Cup Mr Worldwide The Rock Errors and Ommissions Where you from, boy? Song of the Week America F#&* Yeah!--Team America Can't Fix You--Red Clay Strays King Mark Golf adventure Dick Mark's Mediocre Movie Musings #NewtsAppleValleyMN #America TheAscertainers@gmail.com AMERICA F#K YEAH! MUSIC VIDEO Team America World Police THEME SONG The Red Clay Strays - Can't Fix You (Lyric Video)
S4 · E167
July 3 · 45 min
Episode 167: Guess Who Review at the Mystic Lake Amphitheater
Send us Fan Mail Fresh from seeing the Guess Who and Don Felder at the new Amphitheater in town, this one is primarily a music podcast--finally. Pretty good rant toweard the end. Grandpa Jim Mystic Lake Amphitheater $20 Beer Night! Shoutout the best sponsor ever--Newt's Apple Valley Great Seats, huh? Senior Citizens Shuttle Shit Show Don Felder stole the show (spoiler alert) Hotel California Restroom review Song of the Week: James Dean--Eagles Rock On- David Essex Guess Who--literally On stage Kleenex Randy Bachman Percussion Guy rant #NewtsAppleValleyMN Newt's Apple Valley The Ascertainers@gmail.com Check out The Ascertainers on Facebook The Ascertainers | Facebook Eagles James Dean David Essex Rock On (music video)
S4 · E166
June 26 · 41 min
Episode 166: The Cunning Linguist
Send us Fan Mail We recorded with Jim's guy Swa last weekend. My man can talk, thus requiring some extra editing time. Therefore, we grabbed this one from the shelf recorded just a few weeks ago. Enjoy Beer or Bourbon? Falling Knife Tell us what you think--really Pun of the Day Aging perspective Mr Seeds Yet another Shark Tank idea Who turns down Indy? RIP Kyle Busch No Ragrats Tommy Lee Jones projects Courtship of Eddie's Father Song of the Week: One for My Baby--Frank Sinatra Take Me--George Jones Jim's linguistics rant Nice name, Hugh Jackman Er no? Celebrity sightings Banned content #NewtsAppleValleyMN #SharkTank The Ascertainers@gmail.com Frank Sinatra - One For My Baby (Live At Royal Festival Hall / 1962) George Jones- "Take Me" from "A Poem is a Naked Person"
S4 · E165
June 19 · 37 min
Episode 165: Rush Tour Predictions
Send us Fan Mail We had to go into the pantry to pull this episode off the shelf. From April. Cheez-It rehab Safety off Serious Rush conversation (Mark even says something nice) Song of the Week Ordinary World--Duran Duran The Things We Do for Love--10cc Lost Boys rant and a half Movie Fight! Cracker wheels Rod & Custom Show Expensive hobby 1993 hit list #NewtsAppleValleyMN The Ascertainers@gmail.com Follow us on Facebook and visit for some vintage audio clips Duran Duran - Ordinary World (Official Music Video) 10cc - The Things We Do For Love

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