Sex, Here & Now

sexhereandnow

Sex, Here & Now is a podcast rooted in sex positivity, inclusivity, and honest conversations about the realities of sex and modern relationships. The goal is simple: to inform, to educate, and to clear up the misconceptions that continue to dominate our culture about intimacy and relationships. We live in a world that is still wildly sex negative, shaped by shame, purity culture, misinformation, and outdated scripts about what intimacy “should” look like. This podcast exists to challenge that. I want to create a space where we can talk openly about desire, communication, consent, kink, monogamy, non-monogamy, pleasure, dysfunction, body image, and everything in between without judgment. By highlighting diverse voices, challenging myths, and nurturing open dialogue, my hope is to show that sex does not have to be scary and we can, in fact, have a more sex positive culture.

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60 episodes
Updated Yesterday

Episodes60

Newest first

April 14 · 12 min
What To Do When Your Sex Life Falls Apart?
When sex starts to feel distant, tense, or nonexistent, it is easy to panic and assume something is broken. In this episode, Matt slows things down and walks you through what to actually look at when your sex life feels off. From stress, burnout, and self disconnection to relationship dynamics, communication breakdowns, and the unrealistic expectations we are taught about desire, this conversation reframes sexual struggle as information, not failure. You will hear why sex fading is normal, not a sign your relationship is doomed, how to reconnect with your own desire before trying to fix partnered sex, and why skills like vulnerability, sexual check ins, flirting, and even scheduling intimacy are not unsexy but essential. Matt also challenges the idea that sex should be effortless and reminds listeners that intimacy in long term relationships is learned, practiced, and revisited over time. This episode is for anyone feeling disconnected, anxious, or stuck around sex and intimacy and wanting a grounded, shame free way forward that actually works. New episodes drop weekly! Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
April 10 · 5 min
Matts Musings: You Probably Need Couples Counseling
There is this quiet belief that going to relationship counseling means something is wrong. That if you and your partner are “good,” you should be able to figure everything out on your own. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge that idea. Being open to relationship counseling is not about failure, it is about intention. It is about choosing to invest in your relationship before things fall apart, not after. We talk about why so many couples wait too long, how most of us were never actually taught how to be in relationships, and why counseling can be a space to unlearn what is not working and build something that actually fits. I also get into one of the biggest shifts I see in strong couples. They do not wait for crisis. They get curious early. They want to understand their patterns, improve communication, and create a relationship that feels safe, flexible, and real. If you have ever hesitated about therapy, or wondered if your relationship is “bad enough” to go, this episode is for you. Counseling is not the last resort. It is a resource. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe and rate the podcast. You can also find more sex positive content on YouTube at Cleveland Sex Therapy. Stay curious. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
April 7 · 11 min
We Love Each Other, But We Don’t Have Sex.
Why do so many loving couples stop having sex? In today’s episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into something I see constantly in my therapy office: couples in their late 30s and 40s who are still deeply in love… but their sex life has disappeared. No big betrayal. No dramatic rupture. Just an erotic stalemate. Drawing from Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the Dual Control Model of sexual response from the Kinsey Institute, and insights from Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski, I break down why passion naturally shifts over time and what actually brings it back. We’ll talk about: • Why intimacy and commitment can unintentionally dull erotic energy • How your “gas pedals” and “brakes” impact sexual desire • The parent-child dynamic that quietly kills attraction • Practical exercises to rebuild anticipation, playfulness, and connection If you and your partner feel stuck sexually but still love each other, this episode is for you. This is more common than you think, and it is absolutely workable. It just takes intention. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
April 3 · 5 min
Matt's Musings: Making Sex Fun Again!
We need to talk about something that does not get said enough. Sex is supposed to be fun. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge the pressure people put on themselves to perform perfectly in the bedroom. From queefing to losing an erection at the worst possible moment, I break down why these experiences are completely normal and why they do not mean anything is wrong. This episode is really about shifting your mindset. Moving away from performance and perfection and getting back to connection, play, and pleasure. I also walk you through a simple but powerful exercise to help you and your partner reconnect with what actually makes sex feel good. If sex has started to feel serious, stressful, or like something you have to get “right,” this one is for you. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 31 · 33 min
Expert on Expert: Kristen Lilla Spills on The Importance of Sex Education
On this episode, I sit down with Kristen Lilla, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Educator, to talk about all things sex education and why the conversations we avoid are often the ones that matter most. We dive into her books, what inspired her work, and how she approaches teaching kids about bodies, boundaries, and consent in ways that are age-appropriate and empowering. We also get into why using the correct anatomical terms for body parts is not just about being clinical. It is about safety, clarity, and confidence. When kids know the right words, they are better equipped to understand their bodies, communicate their needs, and advocate for themselves. This is a thoughtful, grounded conversation about raising sexually healthy humans and challenging the shame that still surrounds these topics. You can find Kristen on Instagram @that.popup.book Links to Vaginas and Periods 101 and Penises 101 here Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 27 · 4 min
Matt's Musings: Bisexuality is on the Rise!
In this mini episode of Matt’s Musings, I’m diving into a topic that continues to spark curiosity, confusion, and meaningful cultural change: the rise in people identifying as bisexual. Recent research suggests that about 7 percent of people now identify as bisexual, and rather than asking why it is increasing, this episode explores a more important question. What happens when people finally feel safe enough to tell the truth about who they are? I talk about the history of bisexuality being misunderstood or dismissed as a phase, the unique pressures bisexual individuals have faced from both heterosexual and queer communities, and why this shift reflects something much bigger than a trend. It signals growing safety, expanding conversations around sexual fluidity, and younger generations feeling less pressure to fit into rigid identity boxes. This episode is a reminder that sexuality has always been more expansive than many of us were taught. As stigma softens and acceptance grows, more people are allowing themselves curiosity, self understanding, and authenticity without shame. If you have ever questioned labels, wondered about sexual fluidity, or simply want to better understand the evolving landscape of human sexuality, this short musing invites you to stay curious and compassionate toward yourself and others. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 24 · 7 min
I Am Writing My Own Sex Vows for My Wedding and So Should You!
In this personal and reflective episode of Sex, Here & Now, I share something a little different. I am getting married this July to my partner of nine years, and as we started writing our own wedding vows, it got me thinking about something we almost never talk about in relationships or marriage: sex vows. After nearly a decade together filled with growth, therapy, travel, and redefining what partnership looks like, I found myself asking why traditional vows celebrate love, commitment, and stability, yet rarely acknowledge sexuality as part of the relationship we are promising to nurture. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I see every day how couples assume intimacy will take care of itself, only to realize later that erotic connection also needs intention, care, and ongoing conversation. In this episode, I explore the idea of “sex vows” and why treating sexuality as a shared value rather than an obligation can transform long term relationships. I talk about how intimacy evolves over time, why curiosity matters more than performance, and how couples can intentionally protect their erotic connection from resentment, silence, and disconnection. Whether you are getting married, partnered long term, dating, or intentionally single, this episode invites you to reflect on how you want to show up sexually in your relationships and how intentional conversations about desire can deepen connection far beyond the bedroom. I also share examples of sex vows my partner and I have explored together to help you start creating your own. Because intimacy is not something you promise once. It is something you choose again and again. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 20 · 4 min
Matt's Musings: Americans Want Open Relationships
A new study suggests that more than a quarter of Americans are interested in open relationships and honestly, my jaw hit the floor. Not because non monogamy is better than monogamy, but because it tells us something much bigger about where relationships are headed. In this episode, I explore what this growing interest in non monogamous relationships actually means for modern dating, intimacy, and personal identity. We talk about why relationship styles are not in competition with each other, how insecurity often fuels unnecessary debates between monogamy and non monogamy, and why there is room for everyone to build relationships that genuinely fit their lives. I also dive into how cultural shifts are changing the way we think about love. From the loosening grip of purity culture to increasing relational curiosity, more people are questioning inherited relationship scripts and asking a powerful question: What do I actually want? This episode is not about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It is about intentionality, self awareness, and choosing connection from authenticity rather than obligation. Whether you practice monogamy, non monogamy, or are simply curious, this conversation invites you to rethink how we define healthy relationships in a modern world. Cheers to building connections that are ethical, consensual, and truly aligned with who we are. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 17 · 10 min
I Feel Sexually Neglected By My Partner. Help!
What does it really mean when someone says, “I feel sexually neglected”? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore a topic that comes up often in my therapy office and in many long term relationships. Sexual neglect is rarely just about sex. More often, it is about feeling unwanted, unseen, or no longer chosen by the person you love. We unpack why feelings of neglect show up in relationships, how stress and emotional overload impact desire, and why differences in attachment styles can create painful pursue and withdraw cycles between partners. Drawing from research on attachment theory, Emily Nagoski’s work on context dependent desire, and real clinical experience, this episode helps normalize what many couples quietly struggle with. I also introduce the concept of emotional anorexia, how emotional disconnection can slowly impact erotic connection, and why many partners unintentionally hurt each other without realizing it. You will learn how to approach conversations about sexual disconnection with curiosity instead of blame, understand what sex emotionally represents for each partner, and begin rebuilding connection through vulnerability and intentional turning toward one another. If you have ever felt unwanted in your relationship or struggled to understand why intimacy has changed, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical ways forward. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 13 · 4 min
Matt's Musings: We Have to Talk about Soulmates
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, I am roasting the idea of soulmates and making it more open to our growth as humans. New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week! Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 10 · 14 min
We Are Talking Squirting!
In this episode, I break down what squirting actually is, what it is not, and why so many people have been taught to misunderstand it. We talk about the biggest myths around squirting, including the belief that it equals orgasm or is the ultimate measure of pleasure. Spoiler alert: it is not. I explain the physiology behind squirting in an accessible way, why some people experience it and many never will, and why neither means anything about how good you are at sex. We also talk about pressure, performance, cleanup, nervous systems, and how porn culture has turned one possible bodily response into an unrealistic expectation. If you are curious about squirting, confused by it, frustrated by the pressure around it, or just want accurate sex education that does not shame bodies, this episode is for you. This is an informational, myth busting, sex positive conversation about real bodies, real pleasure, and letting go of goals that do not actually serve connection. As always, the focus is not doing sex right. It is understanding your body and staying curious. New episodes drop weekly! Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 6 · 4 min
Matt's Musings: Sex Changes Over Time. Don't Freak Out!
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, I am talking about the inevitability that your sexual self and your relationship with intimacy change over time. Don't freak out! I got you! New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week! Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
March 3 · 52 min
Expert on Expert: Chatting with Tiffany Chin on Solo Poly and Dating
On this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I sit down with Tiffany Chin for a conversation that feels honest, thoughtful, and very needed right now. Tiffany is officially my first interview on Sex, Here & Now, and I could not have asked for a better person to kick this off with. We talk about how we met, how our work overlaps, and why helping clients navigate dating as singles and solos has become such an important part of modern therapy. We dive into the difference between being “single” and being “solo,” drawing from Peter McGraw’s framework, and unpack why singlehood is not a waiting room for partnership. It is a fully valid and healthy relationship style. We explore how dating should be an addition to your life, not the thing that defines your worth. We also get into BARs, boundaries, agreements, and rules, and why they matter no matter your relationship structure. We talk openly about heteronormativity and mononormativity in dating spaces, and how those systems shape the way people move through apps, relationships, and even therapy. There is something powerful about connecting with clients through shared lived experience, and Tiffany brings new perspective to what it means to build a life that feels full, whether partnered or not. If you are dating, questioning dating, happily single, intentionally solo, or trying to figure out where you land, this episode will give you language, validation, and maybe a little permission to do it differently. You can find Tiffany on Instagram @tiffany_chin Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 27 · 3 min
Matt's Musings: Sex is Awkward
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, we are talking about how awkward sex can be. Sex is awkward! And in fact, we want it to be. New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 24 · 14 min
The Apps Aren’t the Enemy: Dating for You in 2026
Dating today can feel exhausting, confusing, and honestly… like you’re doing everything wrong. In this episode, I break down what it actually means to date for you instead of dating to be liked, chosen, or approved of. We talk about mindful dating, knowing your why, cultivating confidence, using dating apps intentionally, and how the media you consume quietly shapes your dating experience. I also share a personal story about “the hockey guy” and how ignoring early signals can pull us away from ourselves, even when someone looks good on paper. This episode is for anyone who feels burnt out, stuck in patterns that do not serve them, or questioning whether dating is supposed to feel this hard. Dating is not about performing or proving your worth. It is about connection, clarity, and staying aligned with who you are. If you are ready to stop dating on autopilot and start dating with intention, this episode is for you. New episodes drop weekly! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 20 · 3 min
Matt's Musings: Desire is Not a Personality Trait
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, we are going to be exploring how desire is not a personality trait and why we need to stop treating it like it is. New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 17 · 15 min
My Journey Into Polyamory. Buckle Up!
Why would I choose polyamory when monogamy is the default, the norm, and often the expectation? In this episode of Sex, Here and Now, I share why I chose to be poly and what that choice actually came from. This is not an argument for polyamory and it is not a how to guide. It is a personal reflection on curiosity, honesty, attachment, fear, growth, and the unlearning that comes with questioning relationship scripts we are told are universal. I talk openly about what drew me to polyamory, what felt uncomfortable in the beginning, what surprised me, and what this relationship structure continues to teach me about intimacy, jealousy, communication, and self responsibility. I also challenge the idea that polyamory is about avoiding commitment or wanting more sex, and instead explore it as a framework that requires intention, emotional labor, and deep honesty. This episode is for anyone who has ever questioned whether the relationship model they were given actually fits. Whether you are monogamous, polyamorous, curious, or somewhere in between, my hope is that this conversation invites you to think less about the “right” way to do relationships and more about what alignment actually looks like. Not all relationships struggle because of polyamory or monogamy. Some struggle because we never stop to ask ourselves what we truly want. Past Poly Episode New episodes drop weekly! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 13 · 10 min
Bonus Episode! Valentine's Day Is Ruining Your Sex Life
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about romance, connection, and great sex. So why does it leave so many people feeling pressured, disappointed, or disconnected? In this episode, I unpack why Valentine’s Day wrecks so many sex lives. From unrealistic expectations and comparison culture to obligation sex and performative intimacy, we explore how a holiday meant to celebrate love often ends up doing the opposite. You’ll learn why pressure kills desire, how social media distorts intimacy, and why good sex cannot be scheduled by the calendar. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt behind, broken, or like they were doing relationships wrong on February 14th. Whether you are single, partnered, or polyamorous, this conversation invites you to step off the script and redefine intimacy on your own terms. Because Valentine’s Day is not a performance, and intimacy is not something you prove. New episodes drop weekly! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 9 · 38 min
Expert on Expert: Chatting with Julie Labanz on Porn, Masturbation, and Dating Younger!
Well, this is my first expert on expert podcast episode. Who's excited? Today, I am chatting with Julie Labanz, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, owner of BeKnown Therapy in Cincinnati, Ohio, and a close personal friend. Julie and I talk about all things relating to Porn, masturbation, and why dating younger feels so icky for us. Before we get started, a quick disclaimer. This chat was recorded during an Instagram Live, so the audio may not be as crisp as usual. But I promise you, you will love this conversation. Julie is incredibly knowledgeable and I learn so much from her every time we talk. And with that, sit back and enjoy my conversation with Julie Labanz. New episodes drop weekly! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!
February 6 · 3 min
Matt's Musings: Stop Waiting to Feel Ready to Talk about Sex!
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, we are going to be exploring why you need to stop waiting to talk about sex and just do it! New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week! Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!