Sex for Saints

Amanda Louder

As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian women love their sex life!

In this podcast, Amanda helps women embrace their sexuality so that they can become the woman they were created to be. She teaches you how to integrate sexuality into your marriage in a loving and healthy way, get rid of the drama and negative emotions around sex in your marriage, and develop a better relationship to yourself, your spouse, and your sexuality.

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21 episodes
weekly
Avg 28 min
English

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#434
Friday · 31 min
Episode 434 - Emotional Safety: The Foundation Your Marriage and Sex Life Are Built On
What if the problem in your sex life isn't really about sex at all? In this episode, I'm talking about emotional safety and the powerful role it plays in both your marriage and your sexual relationship. We'll look at the patterns that slowly break down emotional safety, including criticism, defensiveness, dismissal, and shame, as well as what both partners can do to rebuild trust and connection. I'll also help you recognize when you may be contributing to an emotionally unsafe environment and show you how curiosity, accountability, repair, and consistency can begin to change those patterns. Because the deepest intimacy happens when both partners feel safe enough to be fully known.
#432
August 7 · 22 min
Episode 433 - Arousal Without an Agenda
Have you ever stopped yourself from feeling close to your spouse because you were worried about where it might lead? In this episode, I explore why arousal, or what the ancient Greeks called Eros, is about so much more than sex. I talk about how learning to experience desire without pressure or expectation can create deeper trust, stronger emotional connection, and a more vibrant marriage. If you've ever felt like affection automatically comes with an agenda, this episode will help you discover how allowing Eros to simply exist can transform both your relationship and your intimate connection.
#430
July 31 · 30 min
Episode 432 – The Natural Man Was Never About Your Sexuality
In this final episode of my five-part series, I challenge the idea that our sexuality is the "natural man" and offer a new framework for understanding what King Benjamin was really teaching in Mosiah 3:19. Together, we'll explore how ego, not desire, is often what keeps us disconnected from God and from our spouse, and how awareness, agency, and alignment can transform our relationships. If you've been following this series, this episode brings everything together into a hopeful path forward. If you're just joining us, I encourage you to go back and listen to the first four episodes to fully understand the journey and how these ideas build on one another. You can find those first four episodes here: 428, 429, 430, 431.
#431
July 24 · 38 min
Episode 431 - The Sin Next to Murder
What if one of the most familiar teachings about sexuality deserves a second look? In this episode, I take a careful look at Alma 39 and the teaching that sexual sin is "next to murder," exploring the historical origins of that interpretation, how it became so embedded in Latter-Day Saint culture, and why I believe the scripture may be saying something very different. I also discuss the lasting impact this belief has had on individuals and marriages, especially through shame and fear, and how a closer reading of the text can open the door to healing, healthier intimacy, and a more compassionate understanding of God. If this teaching has ever shaped the way you view yourself, your sexuality, or your marriage, I hope this episode gives you a new perspective to prayerfully consider. I would suggest that you listen to the first 3 episodes in this series before listening to this episode. You can find those here: 428, 429, and 430
#430
July 17 · 44 min
Episode 430 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - What It Did to Him
What if the messages you received about sexuality shaped you more than you ever realized? In this third episode of my series, I explore how decades of cultural and religious teachings affected the way many men experience desire, shame, intimacy, and marriage. Through the stories of Bennett and Silas, I unpack how those messages can show up in very different ways and why healing begins by coming home to your own body instead of trying to earn your worth. I hope this episode gives you a deeper understanding of yourself and the path toward healthier, more connected intimacy. Listen to the first episode in the series here. And the second episode in the series here.
#429
July 10 · 39 min
Episode 429 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - What It Did to Her
Have you ever wondered why intimacy can feel so difficult, even when you've done everything "right"? In this episode, I explore how the messages many women received growing up can quietly shape their relationship with their bodies, their desire, and their marriages long after the wedding day. Through the stories of Rosalie and Hazel, we look at how different experiences can lead to similar struggles and why those patterns aren't a sign that you're broken. If you're looking for thoughtful Christian intimacy coaching that blends faith, compassion, and practical understanding, this conversation will help you see yourself and your marriage with fresh eyes. This is episode 2 in a series. Listen to episode 1 here.
#428
July 3 · 53 min
Episode 428 - Sex, Worthiness, and the Rules You Inherited - The Hundred-Year Story
What if the struggles you're experiencing in your marriage started long before you ever said "I do"? In this episode, I kick off a five-part series exploring the history, teachings, and cultural influences that shaped how many Latter-day Saints think about sexuality, desire, and worthiness today. We trace the roots of purity culture, gender roles, and sexual messaging over the last century and examine how those lessons continue to affect marriages, intimacy, and personal identity. Whether you're seeking healing, understanding, or support through christian intimacy coaching, this episode offers important context for the stories many couples are still living. Understanding where these beliefs came from is often the first step toward creating a healthier and more connected relationship.
#426
June 26 · 17 min
Episode 427 – Why Your Spouse Gets Defensive When You're Just Trying to Help
What happens when "help" from your spouse starts to feel more like criticism? In this episode, I talk about why even well-intentioned advice can feel like an attack when it isn't invited first, especially in conversations about sex and intimacy. I walk through how unsolicited feedback triggers defensiveness in our nervous systems, why both higher-desire and lower-desire spouses fall into this pattern, and how asking for consent before sharing can completely change the conversation. We'll also talk about practical ways to create emotional safety, move from defensiveness to curiosity, and build a marriage where both people actually feel heard. Sometimes the smallest shift, simply asking "Can I?", can open the door to the kind of connection you've been wanting all along.
#425
June 19 · 18 min
Episode 426 - When He Stops Initiating
How do you reconnect with your spouse after so much distance that you're not even sure you want things to go back to the way they were? In this episode, I talk about what often happens when the higher desire partner stops initiating and why that silence can bring both relief and unexpected grief for women. I explore responsive desire, avoidance, emotional safety, and the complicated vulnerability of reaching back toward someone after months or years of disconnection. We also talk about what healthy initiation can actually look like, how to rebuild trust in small ways, and what to do if you're not even sure you want the sexual relationship to return at all. If you've ever felt stuck between wanting closeness and wanting to protect yourself, this episode will help you understand what may really be happening underneath it all.
#425
June 12 · 22 min
Episode 425 - Learning to Initiate Again After Rejection
When the higher desire partner stops initiating after repeated rejection, it sets off a painful cycle that neither spouse knows how to break. In this episode, we walk through why he pulls back, what that silence creates on her side of the bed, and why both partners need to be initiating for a sex life that actually feels good. I explore the nervous system response behind initiation after a long silence, the role of polarity and emotional maturity in marriage, and what it really takes to move toward your spouse when fear tells you to stay hidden. Whether you're the one who has gone quiet or the one watching your spouse disappear, this episode lays the groundwork for finding your way back to each other.
#424
June 5 · 24 min
Episode 424 – Getting Over Rejection: How to Stop Letting "No" Run Your Marriage
When sexual rejection builds up in a marriage, it rarely stays contained to the bedroom. It seeps into everything — the emotional atmosphere, the small daily gestures, and eventually the belief that anything will ever change. In this episode, we dig into why rejection hurts as much as it does, how to stop interpreting your wife's "no" as a verdict on your worth, what curiosity can open up that shutting down never will, and what it actually costs you when the hurt never gets processed. We also talk about what your wife experiences when she sees how you react to her no — and why that matters more than most husbands realize.
#421
May 29 · 21 min
Episode 423 - The Weight Men Carry Into the Bedroom
What happens when a man spends his whole life believing his desire could hurt someone? In this episode, I will explore how religious and cultural messages about male sexuality can lead men to disconnect from their own desire, constantly monitor themselves during sex, and quietly seek validation from their wives without even realizing it. I'll talk about how this pattern shows up differently in marriage, why it often creates pressure and disconnection for both spouses, and what actually helps men become more present and connected. I'll also share how wives can support without taking responsibility for fixing it, and what changes when men finally learn that their desire was never the problem in the first place.
#422
May 22 · 35 min
Episode 422 - Slow Down to Connect: The Science of Sexual Mindfulness with Dr. Chelom Leavitt
What if the key to a more connected, nourishing sex life is simply slowing down? In this episode of Sex for Saints, I will talk with sex researcher Chelom Leavitt about sexual mindfulness, shame, emotional connection, and why so many women struggle to feel fully present in their sexuality. We will explore how curiosity and non-judgment can transform not only our sexual experiences, but also the way we relate to ourselves, our spouses, and even our faith. We'll also discuss women's arousal, emotional safety, vulnerability in marriage, and why slowing down may be one of the most healing things couples can do for intimacy. Here's more information about Dr. Chelom Leavitt: Dr. Chelom Leavitt received her PhD from Penn State. She studies sexuality in committed relationships and examines how mindfulness during sex is associated with positive outcomes for men and women. Her recent publications include work on sexual mindfulness, how loneliness impacts relationships, forgiveness, infidelity, and men's and women's sexual response cycles and orgasm. Chelom is married to David Leavitt, and they have nine children.
#421
May 15 · 20 min
Episode 421 - Why Talks About Sex Keep Going Sideways
Hard conversations don't fall apart because of what's said, but often because of how they start. In this episode, I will show you why "ambush conversations" trigger defensiveness and disconnection, even when you're trying to fix something important. I will walk you through how to create true consent in conversations by giving context, asking for the right timing, and honoring your spouse's capacity to engage. I will also share what to do if you're the one being caught off guard or if your partner keeps avoiding the conversation altogether. When you shift the way you start hard conversations, you will begin to create safety, trust, and a way forward together.
#420
May 8 · 25 min
Episode 420 - Redefining Protect and Provide
What if "protect and provide" isn't outdated, but just misunderstood? In this episode, I will break down how these ideas have quietly shaped marriages and why the old definitions may be leaving couples disconnected. I will walk you through what it will actually look like for a husband to provide emotional safety, real presence, and the kind of connection that makes desire possible. We'll also talk about protection in a whole new way, not just physical, but emotional, relational, and even within your sexual relationship. If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right but something still feels off, this conversation will help you see what might be missing and how you can start showing up differently.
#419
May 1 · 24 min
Episode 419 - Sexual Integrity: Becoming Whole
What if the tension you feel around sex isn't about your relationship at all, but about being divided within yourself? In this episode, I will unpack what sexual integrity really means and why so many of us feel disconnected, even in good marriages. I will walk through the subtle ways we slip out of alignment. Things like saying yes when we mean no, hiding desires, or going through the motions. And I will talk about how that fragmentation quietly impacts both intimacy and self-worth. I will share what it actually looks like to come back to wholeness, reconnect with yourself, and show up honestly in your relationship. Because when you do, everything about connection will start to shift.
#418
April 24 · 35 min
Episode 418 - Your Wife Isn't A Problem To Solve
What if the very thing you're doing to improve your sex life is actually making it worse? In this episode, I'm breaking down the "fix-it" mentality so many men bring into their relationship and why it creates pressure, shame, and disconnection instead of desire. I share what to do instead, including how to be present, listen without trying to solve, and approach intimacy as a team. We also talk about what this shift looks like in real conversations and how both partners can take ownership of their part. When you stop trying to fix your spouse and start truly seeing them, you create the conditions where real connection and desire can grow.
#417
April 17 · 23 min
Episode 417 - Better Foreplay: What Actually Works (And What Doesn't)
In this episode, I talk about how most of us have misunderstood foreplay and why it's not just something that happens right before sex. I share how true connection and desire are built throughout the entire day, not just in a rushed few minutes, and walk through five different types of foreplay that most couples are completely overlooking. We'll also get into why slowing down actually creates more passion, how to read your partner instead of following a script, and what it really means to pursue each other. I dive into the importance of balancing giving and receiving, and how small shifts can completely change the way intimacy feels in your marriage. This isn't about doing more, it's about creating deeper connection, desire, and meaning in your relationship.
#415
April 10 · 23 min
Episode 416 - Did You Marry the Right Person? The Only Two Things That Matter
Have you ever caught yourself wondering, "Did I marry the right person?" I want to show you why that question is actually leading you in the wrong direction and what matters so much more. In this episode, I break down the two things that truly determine whether a relationship will work, and what to do when you feel like you're the only one trying. We'll talk about how to shift the dynamic in your marriage, how to evaluate whether it's sustainable, and how to stay grounded in your own integrity no matter what your spouse chooses. If you've been feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure about your relationship, this conversation will give you a completely new way to look at it.
#415
April 3 · 27 min
Episode 415 - The ABC Loop: How to Stop Pressuring Your Spouse About Sex
If you've been trying everything to fix your sex life and nothing seems to be working, this episode might feel a little uncomfortable, but also like a breath of fresh air. I'm sharing why the harder you push for connection, the more distance you might actually be creating, and what's really going on underneath that dynamic. We'll talk about the subtle pressure that shows up in relationships (even with the best intentions) and why it can shut desire down completely. I'll walk you through a simple but powerful framework called the ABC Loop that helps you create change without resistance. If you're tired of feeling rejected or stuck, this episode will give you a completely different way to approach intimacy.

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