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Securely Attached

Dr. Sarah Bren

Securely Attached is your go-to parenting podcast, supporting moms and dads from pregnancy all the way through their child's adolescence and every stage in between.

Join us every Tuesday as clinical psychologist and mom of two Dr. Sarah Bren shares her expertise and interviews top experts in the field, simplifying complicated concepts and pulling back the curtain on the brain science and psychology that drives and shapes the parent-child relationship.

And now, every Thursday, Dr. Sarah Bren is joined by Dr. Emily Upshur and Dr. Rebecca Hershberg for a special segment, Beyond The Sessions. We're answering YOUR parenting questions from the perspective of clinical psychologists highly trained in developmental science and real-life moms who get that parenting is messy, and sometimes we have to laugh, cry, and throw out the "rules."

From toddler tantrums, to effective discipline strategies, to leaning into the principles of respectful parenting, and to managing your own mental wellness as a parent—this podcast is your ultimate resource for judgment-free, research-backed information you know you can trust.

About Sarah Bren, PhD
Dr. Sarah Bren is a licensed clinical psychologist and mom of two who helps parents understand the building blocks of child development and how secure relationships form and thrive. Her work is focused on helping parents find their inner confidence so they can respond to any parenting problem that comes along and raise kids who are healthy, resilient, and kind.

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#449
Tuesday · 59 min· Video
How stress affects your child's brain and body: The science of co-regulation, resilience, and healing with Dr. Nicki Bush
Developmental psychologist and UCSF professor, Dr. Nicki Bush, joins me this week to explore stress and how it affects our children and what parents can do to help protect their child's developing brain and body. Together we explore: Why some stress can actually be good for your child, and when it starts to become harmful. The surprising ways stress can show up across your child's behavior, learning, mental health, and physical health. How your own nervous system communicates safety or danger to your child, even when you aren't saying a word. Why being a calm parent does not mean never feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or overwhelmed. What happens inside the body when we rest, and why your own rest may be more important for your child than you realize. Why focusing solely on changing a child's behavior can cause us to miss what is actually driving it. How working with the parent-child relationship can sometimes be more powerful than treating the child alone. The remarkable research showing that relationship-based therapy may actually change the biological effects of early trauma and stress and maintain those effects long after the therapy ends. Why early experiences matter so much, but do not have to determine your child's future. If you've ever worried about how your own stress might be affecting your child, wondered whether difficult experiences can have lasting effects, or felt pressure to keep your child calm and happy, this conversation offers a much more hopeful way to understand stress. Because our biology is remarkably adaptable, and the relationships children have with the people who care for them can be a powerful part of how they heal, grow, and thrive. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Dr. Nicki Bush 🔗 Intergenerational Developmental Health Program 📱LinkedIn: Nicole (Nicki) Bush, PhD LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗 Prenatal-to-3 Policy Impact Center 🔗 The National Child Traumatic Stress Network 👉 If your child is struggling, support doesn't always have to mean sending them to therapy on their own. At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we work with parents and children together at our Westchester, NY offices, and we also offer virtual parent support, where we can work exclusively with you to better understand what's driving your child's behavior, strengthen your relationship, and create meaningful change for your whole family. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free consultation. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how sensitivity shapes children's health, behavior, and resilience with Dr. W. Thomas Boyce 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding sensitivity, resilience, and what really shapes kids with Dr. Jay Belsky 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele
#448
October 20 · 45 min· Video
Beyond chores: How to teach kids to notice what needs to be done and share the mental load with Sam Kelly
Sam Kelly, author of Notice and Do, and I talk about why simply assigning chores may not be enough. While chores can teach responsibility, they often overlook an important first step. Before kids can take initiative, they have to learn how to notice what needs their attention without waiting for us to point it out. Together we explore: Why constantly reminding your child to clean up, put something away, or help out may unintentionally keep you carrying the mental load. The important difference between teaching kids to do chores and teaching them to notice what needs to be done. A surprisingly simple exercise you can try at home to start building this skill in just 10 to 15 minutes. Why something that feels completely obvious to you may require far more executive functioning than you realize for your child. How to scaffold these skills without nagging, micromanaging, or eventually giving up and doing it yourself. What to do when your child rolls their eyes, pushes back, or simply refuses to participate. How to adapt this approach for kids with ADHD, strong-willed kids, and children who need more support with executive functioning. Why teaching kids to carry some of the mental load isn't really about having a cleaner house, but about shaping the partners, friends, family members, and adults they eventually become. If you're exhausted from constantly telling everyone what needs to be done, this conversation offers a different way to think about chores, responsibility, and what it actually takes to raise kids who see what needs doing and know how to step in. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Sam Kelly 📚 Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load 📱@samkelly_world LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to find balance in the home, at work, and in parenthood with Chelsi Jo 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about balancing the load of parenthood with Lauren A. Tetenbaum 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with a deep dive on parental burnout
#447
October 13 · 56 min· Video
Raising emotionally healthy boys: How to protect connection, vulnerability, and their authentic selves with Dr. Adam McCormick
Dr. Adam McCormick, professor, social worker, and author joins me to explore what happens to boys' emotional worlds as they grow up, and how parents can help their sons stay connected to the parts of themselves they may otherwise learn to hide. Together we explore: Why so many boys gradually disconnect from emotions they once expressed freely. The powerful role shame can play beneath anger, withdrawal, and challenging behavior, and why boys often don't have the language to recognize it. How even well-intentioned parents may respond differently to their sons' emotions without realizing it. Why trying to fix a boy's feelings can sometimes get in the way of the connection he actually needs. What boys learn when they feel valued for who they are, rather than for how they perform. Why small moments of delight, attention, play, and connection can have a much bigger impact than we realize. A simple shift that can make it easier for boys to open up about the things that matter most. How we can hold boys accountable for their behavior while still staying curious about what that behavior may be communicating. Why helping boys stay connected to their inner worlds now may shape the friendships, romantic relationships, and emotional lives they build later. Whether you're raising a toddler, a teenager, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers a hopeful reminder that boys don't need us to teach them how to feel. They need us to help protect the emotional capacities they already have, so they don't have to lose connection with themselves in order to feel like they belong. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗Adam McCormick 📚Healing the Helping Professional: The Unfinished Business of Childhood Trauma 📱LinkedIn: Adam McCormick LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🎧 444. The connection crisis: Why kids are struggling with friendship and what parents can do with Dr. Niobe Way 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about raising emotionally intelligent sons with Ruth Whippman 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why boys and girls need different things with Michael Gurian 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it with Dr. Miriam Steele
#446
October 6 · 11 min
Q&A: Am I wrong...or did my doctor give bad parenting advice?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What to make of advice that tells you not to comfort your child when they're distressed. Why a frightened toddler at the doctor's office is communicating something very different than "bad behavior." The common misunderstanding about reinforcement that leaves many parents second-guessing themselves. Whether responding to your child's fears actually makes them more dependent or "too attached." How to know when it's okay to trust your instincts, even when they conflict with advice from an authority figure. What attachment research actually says about soothing, separation, and healthy independence. Why one difficult interaction doesn't have to become something you worry about "damaging" your child. If you've ever left a doctor's appointment feeling unsettled by advice that didn't sit right, or found yourself wondering whether comforting your child is helping or hurting, this episode will give you the confidence to better understand what's happening beneath your child's behavior and trust your instincts as a parent. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. 🎧 Is it better for my kids if I send them to daycare, have a nanny, or become a stay-at-home mom? CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with the basics of attachment theory 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with a deep dive into strengthening your child's attachment as they grow: What children need from us at every stage of development 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how secure attachment influences children's ability to make sense of their experiences and cope in the face of adversity with Dr. Alan Sroufe WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#445
September 29 · 59 min· Video
The neuroscience of resonance: How to use language to strengthen attachment with your child with Sarah Peyton
Author, speaker, and neuroscience educator Sarah Peyton joins me to explore what happens when attachment theory, Nonviolent Communication, and the science of resonance come together. Together we explore: Why feeling understood is so important for your child's developing brain, nervous system, and sense of self. The fascinating difference between empathy and resonance, and why that distinction matters in our relationships with our kids. How your own attachment history can influence the way you respond when your child is upset, reactive, or pushing your buttons. Why the same behavior from your child might barely bother you one day, and feel completely intolerable the next. How Nonviolent Communication can help you look beneath your child's behavior and get curious about the feelings and needs driving it. The surprising connection between secure attachment and independence, and why pushing children to become more independent can sometimes have the opposite effect. How becoming more resonant with your child can begin to shift your own attachment patterns too. Why changing the way you relate to your child doesn't happen overnight, but can profoundly change your relationship over time. Whether you're trying to break patterns from your own childhood, understand why certain parenting moments feel so triggering, or simply want to feel more connected to your child, this conversation offers a fascinating new way to think about what it really means to feel seen, understood, and securely connected. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Sarah Peyton 📚 Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brain's Capacity for Healing 📱IG: @sarahpeytonauthor FB: Empathy Brain YouTube: Sarah Peyton LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🎧 Learn more about what Nonviolent Communication is with Oren Jay Sofer 📚 The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. 📚 Parenting from Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Inbal Kashtan 👉 Looking for additional support? Upshur Bren Psychology Group helps children and adults heal from attachment wounds, relational trauma, and difficult early experiences, so you can feel more grounded in yourself and build healthier, more connected relationships with the people who matter most. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for you. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding sensitivity, resilience, and what really shapes kids with Dr. Jay Belsky 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the lifelong impact of early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe
#444
September 22 · 1 hr 6 min· Video
The connection crisis: Why kids are struggling with friendship and what parents can do with Dr. Niobe Way
Dr. Niobe Way, developmental psychologist and bestselling author, sits down with me to explore why meaningful connection is so essential for our children, and what may be getting in the way of their natural capacity to build it. Drawing on decades of research with children and adolescents, Dr. Way challenges some of our most deeply held assumptions about what kids need to thrive and offers a hopeful look at the skills they already possess. Together we explore: Why children may be far more intrinsically caring, cooperative, and curious than we give them credit for. What happens to kids' desire for deep, meaningful friendships as they move from childhood into adolescence, and why boys' experiences may surprise you. The overlooked connection between your child's social health and their mental health. Why secure attachment is incredibly important, but may not be enough to protect kids from the cultural messages they receive as they grow. How our well-intentioned focus on achievement can indirectly send our kids a message we never meant to communicate. Why the questions we ask our children can either shut down connection or open the door to an entirely different kind of conversation. What Dr. Way discovered when she stopped questioning her daughter about homework and started getting curious about something she didn't particularly want her watching on TikTok. The surprisingly simple skill that may help children feel more seen, strengthen their friendships, and even support their learning. What parents can do at home to nurture the relational skills our children are already wired to have. If you've ever worried about your child's friendships, wondered how to stay connected as they get older, or felt caught between preparing them to succeed and helping them become caring, connected humans, this conversation offers a powerful new way to think about what our kids need most. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Dr. Niobe Way 📚 Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture 🔗 Social Health Institute 📱 IG: @wayniobe FB: Niobe Way LinkedIn: Dr. Niobe Way LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗 Parenting support for kids who are battling the epidemic of depression, anxiety and crisis of connection in today's society - supporting both parents and the kids themselves CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the hidden dangers of an achievement-centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about raising emotionally intelligent sons: Parenting boys to combat "toxic masculinity" with Ruth Whippman 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the lifelong impact of early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe
#443
September 15 · 48 min· Video
How to build a secure attachment with yourself: The connection between self-worth and parenting with Dr. Marisa G. Franco
Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of the new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, sits down with me to explore a side of attachment we don't talk about nearly enough: our relationship with ourselves. Together we explore: Why trying to "act secure" may actually leave you feeling more insecure. What it really means to become "secure-ish," and why security doesn't require getting rid of your anxiety, insecurity, or uncomfortable emotions. The surprising connection between attachment and self-worth, and why changing how you feel about yourself may require more than positive thinking. How experiences from your past can become a blueprint for what you expect from relationships today, and the fascinating science suggesting that blueprint can be edited. Why being the agreeable, easygoing person isn't always as healthy as it looks, and where all those suppressed emotions can eventually go. What your relationship with your own emotions has to do with how you respond when your child is having big ones. Why some parents find themselves losing it more with the people they love the most, even when they're working incredibly hard to stay calm. How learning to welcome the parts of yourself you've spent years trying to change may be one of the most powerful ways to build genuine security from the inside out. If you've ever wondered why you can understand secure attachment intellectually but still find yourself falling into old patterns, this conversation offers a very different way of thinking about what it actually means to feel secure, not just in your relationships, but within yourself. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Dr. Marisa G. Franco 📚 Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment 📱 @drmarisagfranco LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗 Click HERE to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust. 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering secure attachment relationships 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with what children need from us at every stage of development to foster a secure attachment 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think with Dr. Or Dagan
#442
September 8 · 58 min· Video
Picky eating, protein, food dyes, and nutrition myths: What parents actually need to know with Jennifer Anderson
Jennifer Anderson, registered dietitian, founder of Kids Eat in Color, and author of the new book Feed Them Well: A Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident Eaters for Life, joins me to help parents cut through the noise around nutrition, focus on what actually matters, and let go of the guilt, perfectionism, and fear that so often surround mealtimes. Together we explore: Why the atmosphere around the table may matter just as much as what's on your child's plate. The surprising reason play can be one of the most effective tools for helping picky eaters become more adventurous. How to tell the difference between nutrition advice that's worth paying attention to and the headlines designed to scare you. The simple framework Jennifer uses to help parents stop worrying about every food trend and focus on the changes that make the biggest difference. Why talking about foods as "good" or "bad" may shape the way children think about eating in ways we don't always realize. What parents can do when the usual feeding advice doesn't seem to work for their unique child. How your own relationship with food may be influencing your child's, often without you even realizing it. The permission every parent needs to stop chasing perfect nutrition and start building a healthier relationship with food for the whole family. Whether you're navigating picky eating, trying to cut through the endless stream of nutrition advice online, or simply hoping mealtimes can feel a little less stressful, this conversation will leave you feeling calmer, more confident, and equipped with practical strategies you can start using right away. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Kids Eat in Color 📚 Feed Them Well: A Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident Eaters for Life 📱 IG: @kids.eat.in.color TikTok: @kids.eat.in.color FB: Kids Eat in Color LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Need support with picky eating or feeding challenges? If mealtimes have become a source of stress, or your child is struggling with picky eating, ARFID, or other feeding challenges, Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers parent coaching to help you better understand what's driving your child's eating and learn practical, evidence-based strategies to support them. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about picky eating, ARFID, and SPACE with Dr. Yaara Shimshoni 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about nurturing open mindedness in kids through food with Priya Krishna 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do if your child would never stop eating unless you restrict them?
#441
September 1 · 56 min· Video
"Gentle parenting" isn't enough: Why kids need both emotional validation and boundaries with Dr. Siggie Cohen
Dr. Siggie Cohen, child development specialist, parenting expert, and author of the new book You Are the Parent joins me to discuss why so many parents today feel overwhelmed, second-guess themselves, and wonder if they're getting it all wrong. Together we explore: Why so many well-intentioned parents get stuck in a cycle of trying new parenting strategies that never seem to work, and what to focus on instead. The subtle difference between validating your child's emotions and accidentally reinforcing behaviors that aren't helping them. Why behavior doesn't change because of the perfect consequence or script, but because of something much deeper happening within the parent-child relationship. The common child development misconceptions that leave parents expecting too much or too little from their children. Why repeating the same explanations over and over often isn't the answer, even when your child seems like they "aren't listening." How to respond to hitting, aggression, and other challenging behaviors in ways that support both emotional regulation and healthy boundaries. What it really means to become your child's leader without becoming controlling, harsh, or authoritarian. How to begin changing long-standing family patterns, even if your child is older and you've been parenting a different way for years. The powerful mindset shift that can help you stop parenting from fear and start trusting yourself again. If you've ever worried about whether you're validating too much, setting too many limits, or simply trying your best while feeling pulled in a dozen different parenting directions, this conversation will help you cut through the noise, feel more confident in your role, and better understand what children truly need to thrive. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Dr. Siggie Cohen 📚 You Are the Parent: Move from Overparenting to Balanced Parenting and Become the Leader Your Child Needs – A Framework for Confident Parenting Through Discipline, Boundaries, and Emotional Skills 📱 @dr.siggie LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to integrate effective discipline that prioritizes emotional and mental health with Sarah R. Moore 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about teaching children emotion regulation through co-regulation with Dana Rosenbloom 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what parents can do when none of the gentle parenting scripts and tips work for your kid with Dr. Cindy Hovington
#440
August 25 · 50 min
Back by Popular Demand: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it with Dr. Miriam Steele
As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most meaningful and foundational conversations in Securely Attached history. Many parents worry that if they didn't experience a secure attachment in their own childhood, they'll unknowingly repeat those same patterns with their children. But one of the most hopeful findings in attachment research is that our past does not have to determine our children's future. In this conversation, I sit down with renowned attachment researcher Dr. Miriam Steele to explore how secure attachment develops, how insecure attachment patterns are passed from one generation to the next, and, most importantly, how we can break those cycles. Together we discuss: What secure and insecure attachment really mean, and some of the biggest misconceptions surrounding attachment theory. How children develop different attachment strategies in response to their early caregiving experiences. Why secure attachment is built through consistent responsiveness, not perfect parenting. The surprising research showing that parents don't need to be attuned all the time for children to develop secure attachment. What reflective functioning is and how it helps parents interrupt intergenerational cycles of insecure attachment. Why understanding your own childhood experiences can transform the way you parent your children. The difference between attachment science and popular "attachment parenting." Why repair matters more than getting it right every time. Practical ways to strengthen your relationship with your child, even if you didn't grow up with secure attachment yourself. The hopeful message that it is never too late to create a more secure future for your family. This conversation is a powerful reminder that secure attachment is not about perfection, nor is it determined by the childhood you had. It is built through thousands of ordinary moments of connection, curiosity, repair, and reflection. Dr. Steele's research offers tremendous hope that when we become more aware of our own patterns and learn to respond with greater understanding, we have the power to change the trajectory not only of our own lives, but of future generations. ⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐ If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.
#439
August 20 · 33 min
Q&A: What should I do if my child has intrusive thoughts?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What intrusive thoughts actually are. How to recognize when a repetitive question or worry is more than ordinary curiosity, and the subtle clues that can help you tell the difference. The types of topics (like private parts, germs, or order) that are most common in intrusive thinking. The simple shift that can help your child stop identifying with the thought and begin seeing it as something separate from who he or she is. Why reassurance often brings only temporary relief, and what tends to work better in the long run. Practical, child-friendly strategies that can help kids feel more in control when their brains get "stuck" on a thought. How to respond in ways that reduce shame, build confidence, and help your child develop the skills to cope with intrusive thoughts over time. Whether your child is experiencing intrusive thoughts because of anxiety, OCD, PANS/PANDAS, or you're simply wondering if what you're seeing is developmentally typical, this episode will help you better understand what's happening inside your child's mind and give you practical tools to respond with confidence and compassion. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉 Looking for support for a child struggling with anxiety, OCD, or intrusive thoughts? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers evidence-based treatment for children and families, including SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and a combination of approaches tailored to your child's unique needs. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation with our care team. We'll listen carefully, answer your questions, and help you determine the best next step for your family. 📚 What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD by Dawn Huebner CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about PANS and PANDAS and why some children develop sudden OCD, anxiety, or tics after illness with Dr. Nancy O'Hara 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to know when your child's anxiety requires a mental health intervention WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#438
August 18 · 52 min· Video
Child custody through divorce: Navigating the courts and building a custody schedule that works with Michael Fried
Michael Fried, a family law attorney at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein joins me to help parents navigating divorce better understand what to expect when it comes to child custody, how courts make custody decisions, and how to create a parenting agreement that truly serves their child's best interests. Together we explore: Why today's courts increasingly begin with the assumption that children benefit from strong relationships with both parents, and what that means for custody decisions. The common mistake parents make when approaching custody and why "winning" isn't actually the goal. What judges are really looking for when determining a child's best interests. How to think about 50/50 custody, and why there isn't one schedule that's right for every family. The developmental factors that should shape a parenting plan, from toddlers to teenagers. Practical strategies that help children adjust to living in two homes with greater security and less stress. The communication tools that can reduce conflict and make co-parenting more successful, even when the relationship between parents is strained. What parents should document during a custody case and when it makes sense to revisit a parenting agreement as children grow. Whether you're considering divorce, actively navigating a custody arrangement, or simply want to better understand how to protect your child's emotional well-being through a separation, this conversation offers practical guidance grounded in both legal expertise and child development. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Michael L. Fried 🔗 Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP 💻 5 Minutes with Fried 📱 LinkedIn: Michael L. Fried IG: @bbnsfamilylaw FB: Berkman Bottger Newman Schein LLP LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 📱 Our Family Wizard - A safe platform that takes care of all communication during divorce and co-parenting 👉 Navigating separation or divorce? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers specialized support at every stage of the process, including therapy and coaching, parenting and co-parenting support, family therapy, and weekly divorce groups for women and children. Whether you're in the middle of a split or adjusting to a new family structure, our team is here to help you and your children feel steady and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about busting divorce myths and breaking down the true effect it has on children Michelle Dempsey-Multack 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with preventative steps to reduce the risk of children forming insecure attachments during divorce with Una Archer 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether "nesting" during a divorce is better for your kids
#437
August 13 · 18 min
Q&A: How can I get my child to be potty trained at night?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... Why staying dry overnight is very different from daytime potty training, and what many potty training books get wrong. The surprising reason some children simply aren't biologically ready, no matter how motivated they or their parents are. How to recognize the difference between a child who needs more practice and one who simply needs more time. The low-pressure approach that can actually make nighttime potty training feel easier for everyone. Small ways to build your child's confidence and independence, even if they're still waking up wet. Why paying attention to your child's internal body signals may matter more than sticker charts or rewards. When bedwetting is still completely within the range of typical development, and when it's worth bringing it up with your pediatrician. If your child is still wearing pull-ups at night or nighttime potty training hasn't gone the way you expected, this episode will help you better understand the biology behind nighttime dryness and offer practical, compassionate strategies to support the process without adding unnecessary pressure. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with everything you need to know to successfully potty train your child 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do if your child is potty trained, but still won't poop on the potty 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about potty training, bed wetting, constipation and pediatric pelvic health with Quiara Smith WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#436
August 11 · 45 min· Video
How to use music to strengthen your child's attachment, reduce stress, and create more moments of connection with Vered Benhorin
Vered Benhorin, music therapist and Baby in Tune founder, joins me to explore how music and connection can be powerful tools in your parenting toolbox. Together we explore: Why creating just a few intentional moments of connection each day matters far more than trying to be perfectly present all the time. The simple shift that can transform ordinary routines like diaper changes, snack time, or bedtime into relationship-building moments. How music can help you stay playful and connected before everyday frustrations turn into power struggles. Why following your child's lead during moments of exploration benefits both of your nervous systems. How songs can become emotional shortcuts that help your child feel safe, understood, and connected when big feelings arise. The surprising reason these "bubble moments" are just as important for parents as they are for children. Why the joy and wonder children experience can help us see the world differently, no matter how old they are. Whether you're parenting a newborn, a toddler, or a teenager, this conversation is a gentle reminder that secure attachment isn't built through perfection. It's built through small moments of presence, delight, and connection that add up over time. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 Baby in Tune 🎧 Vered on Spotify 🎧 Vered on Apple Music 📚 What Do I Do with My Baby All Day?!: Simple Ways to Have the Best First Year Together 📱IG: @babyintune 🎧 33. How parents can use music as an emotion regulator with music therapist Vered 🎧278. Music, mindfulness, and play: Using play to strengthen your child's secure attachment bond with Vered Benhorin LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about nurturing your child's relationship to music with musician and dad Mark Joseph 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers)) can evolve into lifelong respectful parenting with Janet Lansbury
#435
August 6 · 22 min
Q&A: Does my child have anxiety or are they just highly sensitive?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... Why some children seem to worry about everything, from strange noises to monsters under the bed, even when nothing dangerous is happening. How to tell the difference between anxiety, a highly sensitive temperament, and a nervous system that's simply taking in the world more intensely. Why your response to your child's fears may matter more than finding the perfect explanation or reassurance. The subtle ways parents can accidentally strengthen anxiety, and what to do instead. What behaviors like lip picking, nail biting, or constantly chewing on things may actually be communicating. Simple ways to help your child's nervous system feel calmer without making anxiety the center of attention. When it's worth seeking professional guidance, and why getting support early doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. If your preschooler seems to worry about everyday things, startles easily, or always seems to be on high alert, this episode will help you better understand what's driving those behaviors and give you practical, compassionate strategies to help them feel safer, more regulated, and more confident. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz 👉🏻 Are you parenting a child with anxiety or OCD and looking for tools to support them? CLICK HERE to learn more about Upshur Bren Psychology Group's SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) program or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to see if it's the right fit for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can support your sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the line between supporting your child and feeding their anxiety 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about temperament, personality, and parenting with Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#434
August 4 · 40 min
Back by Popular Demand: What to do when your child says, "I'm stupid," "I hate myself," or "I'm a bad kid"
As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most impactful parenting conversations in Securely Attached history. Few moments are more heartbreaking than hearing your child say, "I'm stupid," "I'm a bad kid," "I hate myself," or even, "I wish I wasn't here." Our instinct is often to reassure them, convince them they're wrong, or make those painful feelings disappear as quickly as possible. But what if those words are actually your child's way of communicating something much deeper? In this conversation, Dr. Emily Upshur joins me to explore what negative self-talk is really telling us, how to respond in the moment, and how to help children build resilience, confidence, and a healthier inner voice over time. Together we discuss: What children are often trying to communicate when they use harsh or self-critical language. Why our first instinct to reassure or correct may not be the most helpful response. What to say in the moment when your child says, "I'm stupid," "I'm a bad kid," or "I hate myself." How to respond differently with preschoolers, school-age children, and older kids. Why it's important to look beneath the words to the feelings driving them. How to recognize when negative self-talk is becoming a repeated pattern. Why calm, connected debriefs are often more effective than trying to solve everything in the moment. Practical ways to build resilience, confidence, and a growth mindset in everyday life. How to model healthy self-talk and coping skills for your child. Why these moments, while unsettling, can become powerful opportunities for connection and emotional growth. This conversation offers a compassionate framework for responding to some of the most difficult things a child can say. Rather than reacting from fear or rushing to make the feelings disappear, we remind you that these moments are invitations to connect, understand what your child is really experiencing, and help them develop the emotional skills they'll carry with them for years to come. ⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐ If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.
#433
July 30 · 19 min
Q&A: What do I do when my child says "no" to everything?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... Why children who are loving, sweet, and cooperative in many moments can still get stuck saying "no" to the smallest requests. What your child's resistance may actually be communicating, and why it often has very little to do with the task itself. A simple shift that can help break the cycle when every request seems to turn into a power struggle. Why giving your child more opportunities for independence can actually make them more willing to cooperate when it really matters. How to approach recurring battles, like tooth brushing, in a way that invites collaboration instead of more resistance. The one conversation to have before trying another consequence, reward, or punishment. Why sometimes the fastest way forward is to slow down and reset the relationship first. If your child keeps saying "no" or seems to turn everyday routines into a battle of wills, this episode will help you understand what's really driving the behavior and give you practical strategies to build more cooperation without getting pulled into constant power struggles. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: Dr. Ross Greene and Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) 💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop. 👉 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child's mental health and your own. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode to help you understand parenting styles and the benefits of an authoritative approach with Dr. Emily Upshur 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to move out of power struggles and into cooperation with Jen Lumanlan 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about using Collaborative Problem Solving to navigate power struggles, tantrums, and challenging behaviors with Dr. Stuart Ablon WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#432
July 28 · 49 min· Video
The gut-brain connection: How food affects your child's mood, behavior, and mental health with Dr. Uma Naidoo
In this episode, I sit down with nutritional psychiatrist, professional chef, and bestselling author Dr. Uma Naidoo to explore the fascinating science behind the gut-brain connection and what it means for parents. Rather than focusing on restriction or perfection, Dr. Naidoo shares a practical, realistic approach to using food as one more tool to support your child's emotional well-being. Together we explore: Why your child's gut may be influencing far more than just digestion. The surprising reason adding foods to your child's diet may be more powerful than taking foods away. What most parents misunderstand about protein, and the nutrient no one is talking about that many kids are actually missing. How ultra-processed foods may be affecting mood, focus, and emotional regulation in ways you wouldn't expect. Simple swaps that can support your child's brain without making mealtimes more stressful. Why "food as medicine" isn't about replacing therapy or medication, but giving your child another layer of support. The mindset shift that makes healthy eating feel more realistic, sustainable, and far less overwhelming. Easy, family-friendly strategies that can help nourish both your child's body and brain. Whether you're raising a picky eater, wondering how nutrition fits into your child's mental health, or simply looking for realistic ways to support your family's well-being, this conversation will leave you with practical ideas you can start using right away. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗Dr. Uma Naidoomd 📚 Calm Your Mind with Food: A Revolutionary Guide to Controlling Your Anxiety 📚 This Is Your Brain on Food: An Indispensable Guide to the Surprising Foods that Fight Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and More 📱 @drumanaidoo LEARN MORE ABOUT ME: 🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren 🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families 📱IG: @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Looking for extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and parent coaching for moms, dads, and families who want to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and support their child's development. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why screens and ultra-processed foods keep kids wanting more (but never satisfied) with Michaeleen Doucleff 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about GLP-1s and parenting with Dr. Rachel Goldman 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about determine if your child is a picky eater or if they may have a feeding disorder with feeding therapist Rebecca Taskin
#431
July 23 · 18 min
Q&A: Is my 3-year-old being rude or just acting their age?
Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... Why toddlers often sound rude or demanding without actually intending to be. The developmental reason young children focus on getting their needs met rather than how their words affect others. When to gently teach manners in the moment and when it's better to focus on connection instead. How to model polite language without creating shame or turning every interaction into a correction. Why understanding what's underneath your child's words can help you respond with more patience and less frustration. How to tell the difference between a child who is simply being direct and one who is becoming overwhelmed or dysregulated. Simple ways to encourage respectful communication through modeling, playfulness, and everyday practice. Whether your toddler barks orders, interrupts constantly, or seems to demand things instead of asking politely, this episode will help you better understand what's driving those moments and show you how to teach respectful communication in a way that supports your child's development while strengthening your relationship. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can help your child learn to be patient when they wants my attention immediately 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to effectively set limits, stay calm, and parent with confidence with Devon Kuntzman 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do when your child says "I hate you" WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
#430
July 21 · 1 hr 8 min
Back by Popular Demand: The neuroscience of sleep training, bed sharing, and baby sleep with Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum
As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most downloaded and talked-about episodes in Securely Attached history. Few parenting topics generate as much confusion, anxiety, and conflicting advice as sleep. In this conversation, neuroscientist, doula, and author of The Nurture Revolution, Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum, joins me to explore what the science actually tells us about infant sleep, sleep training, bed sharing, contact sleep, and the role responsiveness plays in early brain development. Together we discuss: Whether night waking is a normal and developmentally expected part of infant sleep. What neuroscience tells us about how babies learn to feel safe during sleep. What sleep training does and does not change about infant sleep. The different approaches to sleep training and how they compare. The science behind contact sleep, room sharing, and bed sharing. How societal expectations around sleep can contribute to parental anxiety and guilt. Ways to support your baby's sleep while honoring both your child's needs and your own. How to think about sleep decisions without shame, fear, or pressure. Why it is never too late to strengthen connection and secure attachment, regardless of the sleep choices you've made in the past. This conversation offers a compassionate, science-backed perspective on one of parenting's most emotionally charged topics. Rather than telling parents what they should or should not do, Dr. Kirshenbaum empowers families with the information they need to make informed decisions that feel right for their unique child, their mental health, and their family. Most importantly, this episode reminds us that parenting is not about perfection. It is about understanding our children, responding with intention, and building connection one moment at a time. ⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐ If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.

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