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Relationships Made Easy

Dr. Abby Medcalf

The research says the key to a happy life is happy relationships. But how exactly do you make your relationships better? That’s what this show is all about.

I’m Dr. Abby Medcalf, psychologist, best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and (according to my kids) the bossy Jewish mom you didn’t know you needed. With decades of experience and millions of listeners in over 180 countries, I give you the no-fluff, research-backed strategies to make all your relationships better: with your partner, your family, your friends, and (most importantly) yourself.

Every week on the Relationships Made Easy podcast, I mix straight talk, humor, and science to help you communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, and stop second-guessing yourself. Because great relationships aren’t built in a day. Great relationships are built daily.

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S9 · E406
Today · 45 min
406. How to Rebuild Self-Trust: 3 Ways to Trust Yourself When Things Go Wrong
Have you ever made a decision you felt really good about, until you told somebody else? You thought it through, considered your options, and felt clear about what you wanted. Then your mother, your partner, or your best friend questioned your choice, and suddenly you're a mess. You're anxious, defensive, second-guessing everything, and maybe even changing your mind. But here's my question: What changed? Did you get important new information, or did someone else's reaction make you anxious, and now you're letting that anxious version of yourself overrule the grounded person who made the original decision? Last week, we talked about why you might have stopped trusting yourself and two ways to start rebuilding that trust. Today, I'm giving you three more practical strategies to help you follow through on what matters, trust your judgment when someone disagrees, and handle things when they don't go as planned. Because self-trust isn't knowing you'll always make the right choice. It's knowing you can count on yourself to handle what happens even if you don’t. ✨ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-rebuild-self-trust ✨ Free Download: The Self-Trust Recovery Plan: A quick reset for when you make a mistake or something doesn’t go as planned: https://abbymedcalf.com/self-trust-recovery ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book ✨ Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E405
November 3 · 46 min
405. How to Trust Yourself Again: Why You Doubt Yourself and Where to Start
Have you ever had that unsettling feeling that you just can't trust yourself? You think something's wrong, but then immediately question whether you're imagining it. You make a decision you feel good about, but the minute someone disagrees, you start doubting yourself. You know something bothers you, but you're not sure whether your feelings are reasonable. And when you make a mistake? Forget about it. You don't just think you made a bad choice. You start wondering if your judgment can ever be trusted. Self-trust isn't believing you're always right. Self-trust is knowing you can listen to yourself, make thoughtful decisions, and handle whatever happens, including when you get things wrong. Today we're talking about why you might have stopped trusting yourself, how that affects your relationships, and two practical ways to begin rebuilding it. ____________________________ ✨ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-trust-yourself-again ✨ Free Download: The Self-Trust Audit to help you identify where you're struggling to trust yourself: https://abbymedcalf.com/self-trust-audit ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E404
October 26 · 50 min
404. Power Struggles in Relationships: Why They Happen with Everyone and How to Stop Them
When you’re in the middle of a power struggle, whatever you’re fighting about feels incredibly important. You can start out disagreeing with your partner about the thermostat, and twenty minutes later you’re wondering if you should get divorced. You and your brother can start out discussing who’s taking Mom to her doctor’s appointment this week and somehow end up threatening never to speak to each other again. How the hell did we get here? Somewhere along the way, you stopped fighting about the “thing” and started fighting about something much bigger: who gets a say, who gets to decide, and who has to give in. Today I’m going to show you how to recognize when that shift happens, the three main ways power struggles show up, why you can get into them with everyone in your life, and five things you can do to stop them. ____________________________ ✨ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/power-struggles-in-relationships ✨ Free Download: Are You in A Power Struggle? The 5-minute pattern check: https://abbymedcalf.com/power-struggle ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book ✨ Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E403
October 19 · 1 hr 1 min
403. Conflict Avoidance: Why Normal Conversations Feel Like a Fight (and How to Tell the Difference)
A couple years ago I was at Baskin-Robbins with my Gen Z kids, and when my milkshake came out so thick it was basically still ice cream, I asked the young woman behind the counter to thin it out. I asked nicely; there was nobody waiting in line, and I even tipped her extra, but my kids were horrified that I'd asked, and they looked at me like I'd just flipped over a table and screamed at her. I was shocked, and my first thought was, talk about conflict avoidance on steroids, but this shouldn't even be called conflict avoidance, because there was no conflict here. What my kids had was a low tolerance for discomfort, directness, and disapproval, so low that it made ordinary communication feel like a fight. And this isn't just a Gen Z thing, because I see the same low tolerance for basic communication in 50-year-olds too. So today we're going to talk about why direct communication feels so hard, how to tell what's really a conflict and what's just plain old communication, and my five steps to raise your tolerance so you can stop reacting and start connecting. ____________________________ ✨ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/conflict-avoidance-communication-not-conflict ✨ Get your free download of Collaborative Questions, so you have a place to start with these conversations: https://abbymedcalf.com/collab-questions ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E402
October 12 · 51 min
402. Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships: Why You Can’t See Yours (and What to Do Instead)
If you’ve ever been disappointed or frustrated in a relationship, your expectations were too high. Think about it. Disappointment is what happens when you expect one thing and get another. Your own expectations don’t seem unrealistic to you, even though they often are, because you’re usually not aware you even have them. Most of them started out as preferences, you know, the way you like things done. But then, somewhere along the way, they turned into “shoulds” that are just facts everyone is supposed to follow. Today you’ll learn why you don’t realize you’re setting expectations for other people, what happens when a preference turns into a “should,” and three steps to turn your expectations back into preferences you can ask for, let go of, or get met somewhere else. ____________________________ ✨ Full blog: https://abbymedcalf.com/unrealistic-expectations-in-relationships ✨ Free Download: Take the Find Your Stealth Expectations Assessment - https://abbymedcalf.com/stealth-expectations-assessment ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S9 · E401
October 5 · 43 min
401. Triggered or Just Upset? How to Tell (And What to Do When Someone Says "I'm Triggered")
It seems like triggers are everywhere these days. Last week at my local coffee shop, I heard someone say they were triggered because they were out of the kind of tea they liked to drink. Maybe someone in your life says “I’m triggered” in the middle of an argument, and you have to stop the conversation even though you think they’re using it as a weapon. Or maybe you feel what you consider to be a true trigger when someone confronts you and your mind goes blank, and you feel numb. When is trigger the right word for what happened? Today you’re getting the real definition of a trigger, what to do if a real trigger comes up in conversation, and how to (finally) resolve communication issues when someone says they’re triggered. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/triggered-or-uncomfortable Get the download - Real Trigger or Discomfort? A Quick Quiz to Find Out What’s Actually Happening: https://abbymedcalf.com/trigger-quiz ✨ Get my new book now available on Amazon, Stop Reacting, Start Connecting: No Couples Therapy Required: https://abbymedcalf.com/stop-reacting-book ✨ Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com ✨ Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S9 · E400
September 28 · 40 min
400. Can One Person Really Change a Relationship? Here's What the Research Says
You've been waiting for someone else to change first - your partner, your mother, your business partner, whoever it is - because you think the relationship can't change until they do something different. Today you're going to learn why that wait was never necessary. One person, on their own, is enough to change the whole relationship. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/one-person-change-relationship-reactive-loop Get the assessment: What’s Triggering You? A quick assessment to find your biggest trigger: https://abbymedcalf.com/whats-triggering-you Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
September 21 · 35 min
399. Why You Self-Sabotage When Things Are Finally Going Well
You finally get the good thing: the relationship that's steady, the promotion, the friendship that's truly reciprocal, and right when it's working, you pick a fight, or pull back, or suddenly find something wrong that wasn't there last week. There are two very specific reasons you self-sabotage when things are finally going well, and today you'll learn both, plus effective tools so you can stop self-sabotaging and start enjoying your life. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-self-sabotage-when-things-are-good Take the assessment: Are You Self-Handicapping or Self-Verifying? A 2-Minute Check-In if You’re Self-Sabotaging When Things are Good: https://abbymedcalf.com/self-sabotage Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S9 · E398
September 14 · 38 min
398. Why Your Conversations Keep Going in Circles (And the 2-Step Fix)
You’re stuck in an argument. Maybe it’s the same fight you have every few weeks. Maybe it’s a standoff where nobody budges. Maybe someone goes quiet and passive-aggressive instead of saying what’s wrong. All three have the same root cause. You’re arguing the facts, and no one’s talking about what’s happening underneath the words. Whatever’s happening emotionally is what’s keeping the conversation stuck. You’re arguing the facts, hoping that’ll help, but it doesn’t because you’re focusing on the wrong thing. We connect through feelings, not thoughts, and until someone names the feelings, the facts just keep circling. Today I’m giving you my two-step process to shift this dynamic, so you can start connecting instead of going around in circles. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/conversations-going-in-circles-same-fight Get The Circle-Breaker Script Sheet: What to Say When a Conversation Won’t Move Forward: https://abbymedcalf.com/circle-breaker-script Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S9 · E398
September 9 · 38 min
398. Why Your Conversations Keep Going in Circles (And the 2-Step Fix)
You’re stuck in an argument. Maybe it’s the same fight you have every few weeks. Maybe it’s a standoff where nobody budges. Maybe someone goes quiet and passive-aggressive instead of saying what’s wrong. All three have the same root cause. You’re arguing the facts, and no one’s talking about what’s happening underneath the words. Whatever’s happening emotionally is what’s keeping the conversation stuck. You’re arguing the facts, hoping that’ll help, but it doesn’t because you’re focusing on the wrong thing. We connect through feelings, not thoughts, and until someone names the feelings, the facts just keep circling. Today I’m giving you my two-step process to shift this dynamic, so you can start connecting instead of going around in circles. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/conversations-going-in-circles-same-fight Get The Circle-Breaker Script Sheet: What to Say When a Conversation Won’t Move Forward: https://abbymedcalf.com/circle-breaker-script Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Quince and use my code quince.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Upwork and use my code upwork.com for a great deal: https://www.upwork.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E397
September 7 · 45 min
397. Whose Voice Is Your Inner Critic, Really?
Your inner critic isn't really your voice. Research says that voice almost always started out as someone else's, usually a parent or caregiver from way back. The problem is you've been repeating it in your own head for so long you forgot it was someone else's way of thinking and not your own. It's time to choose what you say to yourself, so today I'm going to help you figure out who you are underneath that voice and my two-step process for getting it to stop running the show. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/whose-voice-is-your-inner-critic Get a 2-Step Tool for Quieting Your Inner Critic: https://abbymedcalf.com/quieting-inner-critic Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E396
August 31 · 46 min
396. The Mental Load: Why Helping Doesn’t Help
You’re supposed to be sleeping, but what you’re doing is lying there in the dark thinking about all the things. Why did I say that stupid thing in the meeting today? Is that chicken still good or does it have to get cooked tomorrow? Did the permission slip get signed for the field trip? And crap, I forgot to call mom back! That’s the mental load, and it’s why you’re so tired. This isn’t about better sleep or having more downtime. It’s about the things you don’t realize you’re carrying. Today you’re going to learn what mental load really is, why it doesn’t get one bit lighter when somebody offers to help, and five things you can do about it. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-is-the-mental-load Free Download: Get the Mental Load Inventory: https://abbymedcalf.com/mental-load-inventory Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E395
August 24 · 48 min
395. Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child or Mascot: Which One Were You?
Which family role were you given? Dr. Abby Medcalf on the hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot, what the research shows, and how to stop playing yours. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/family-roles-hero-scapegoat-lost-child-mascot Which Role Are You Still Playing? Take the Quiz! https://abbymedcalf.com/which-role-are-you-still-playing Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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August 17 · 28 min
394. Why You’re Nicer to Strangers Than to the People You Love
You were perfectly nice to the guy at the coffee counter this morning, and you were patient with the coworker who asked you the same question for the third time, and then you walked through your own front door and said something to the person you love most that you would never in a million years have said to either of those strangers. So, if you’ve ever thought, why am I so mean to the people I love, today’s episode is for you. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-am-i-mean-to-the-people-i-love Grab the free download for this What Would You Have Said to a Stranger: https://abbymedcalf.com/stranger Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S9 · E393
August 10 · 43 min
393. You Can Become Securely Attached (Even If You Didn’t Start Out That Way)
You've taken the quiz and you've read the books, so you know your attachment style. But last night your partner said, "We need to talk," and your whole body went off like a car alarm. That anxiety or panic is an insecure attachment style doing its thing. So, the real question is: can you actually change it? And the real answer is yes, you can. It's called earned secure attachment; it's real, and researchers have been studying it for decades. Today you'll learn what earned secure attachment really is, the three things earned secure attachment is not, and the five tools to start building it this week. ____________________________ Full blog and show note: https://abbymedcalf.com/earned-secure-attachment Grab Your Repair Speed Baseline: How long does it take you to come back: https://abbymedcalf.com/repair-speed-baseline Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S8 · E392
July 20 · 46 min
392. How Do You Actually Build Emotional Intimacy?
You can be married for thirty years and still feel lonely with the person sleeping next to you. If this is (or has been you), what you’ve actually been missing isn’t more time together, more sex, or more communication. You’re missing emotional intimacy. Today I’m walking you through what emotional intimacy actually is, the four things people confuse it with, why it’s so hard to build, the four building blocks that make it real, and exactly how to start practicing each one… starting today. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-build-emotional-intimacy Grab today’s free download: The Emotional Intimacy Audit: A Quick Scorecard to See Where You Actually Stand: https://abbymedcalf.com/emotional-intimacy-audit Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S8 · E391
July 13 · 47 min
391. How Do You Know If You’re Really in Love?
Today I’m going to walk you through what “in love” really means at the brain level (spoiler: it’s not just chemistry), why fear sounds so much like love your nervous system can’t tell them apart, the four fear thoughts that masquerade as love and how to spot each one, what real love feels like in your body, and how this should look at different stages of a relationship so you can tell whether you’re in love at the beginning, the middle, or the long-haul phase you might be in right now. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-know-if-youre-in-love Free Download: Am I in Love or Just Afraid? It’s a quick scorecard that’ll help you walk through this exact test on your own relationship: https://abbymedcalf.com/am-i-in-love Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S8 · E390
July 6 · 47 min
390. “But It Felt So Real”: Why Red Flags Don’t Look Like Red Flags
Today I’m not doing the standard “look for red flags” thing. Ugh, I hate that phrase. It puts the whole burden on you to spot something that, by its nature, doesn’t look like a flag at all. (And then when you don’t see it, somehow that’s your fault? Nope. Stop. We’re not doing that here.) The reason red flags feel like green flags is that high-intensity behaviors mimic the outputs of real love, things like attention, certainty, and devotion, without including any of the inputs, things like time, consistency, and being actually known. So today I’m walking you through eight specific behaviors that consistently get mistaken for green flags, plus one tool, the Pace Test, that does the work of all of them at once. You’re going to leave with a real radar for this. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/red-flags-look-like-green-flags Free Download: Is This a Green Flag or Just a Fast Flag?: A Quick Self-Check for Early Dating. Use this tool the next time you’re in early dating, or to look back honestly at a past relationship and see what you might have been picking up on: https://abbymedcalf.com/green-flag-fast-flag Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ 👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
- Transcript
S8 · E389
June 29 · 43 min
389. Why You Always Feel Like an Afterthought
You wanted them to choose you without being asked because you believe that if you have to ask, it doesn’t really count. You want a partner who puts their work down first. The parent who calls to see how you're doing. The friend who reaches out for no reason. When they don't, something in you decides it means there’s something wrong with you, and you add it to a growing list of evidence that you're the afterthought. But wanting to be chosen is a real psychological need, not neediness. The problem isn't the wanting, it's a belief you're probably carrying about what asking means. Today we'll name the five things you actually need to feel safe and seen in a close relationship, the belief that's quietly eroding yours, and a three-step process I call the 3 A's for getting out of the trap. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-feel-like-an-afterthought Download Am I Running a Silent Test? A Quick Self-Assessment, which walks you through spotting your own Silent Tests and running the 3 A's, step by step: https://abbymedcalf.com/silent-test Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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S8 · E388
June 23 · 45 min
388. Why Fairness Is Destroying Your Relationship
That's not fair. You said it as a kid. You've thought it as an adult. Maybe you thought it this morning when you were loading the dishwasher while your partner sat on the couch. Maybe you thought it when you were the one who made the dinner and then also had to clean up because somehow that's just how it goes. Maybe you're thinking it right now, because you're the one reading this, trying to figure out how to make things better, and why are you always the one who has to make changes when they're not doing anything? That's not fair either. Fairness is one of the most universal thoughts humans have. And it's also one of the most quietly destructive forces in a relationship. Today, I'm going to show you why the fairness argument keeps you stuck, what the research says about what's happening in your brain when things feel unfair, and the one question that will change everything the next time you feel the resentment starting to build. You're going to leave this episode with a completely different way of thinking about fairness, and I promise it's going to change how you show up in every relationship in your life. ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/fairness-relationships-why-it-backfires Grab The Fairness Reframe: The One Question That Stops Resentment Before It Starts: https://abbymedcalf.com/fairness-reframe Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby _________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Our Sponsors: * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out Quince and use my code RME for a great deal: https://www.quince.com * Check out Uncommon Goods and use my code uncommongoods.com/RME for a great deal: https://www.uncommongoods.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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