Recovery Diaries In Depth

Recovery Diaries

Welcome to Recovery Diaries In Depth; a mental health podcast that creates a warm, empathic, and engaging space for discussions around mental health, empowerment, and change. Executive Director and podcast host Gabe Nathan brings a unique combination of lived experience with mental health challenges, years of independent mental health and suicide awareness advocacy, and an understanding of the inpatient psychiatric millieu as a former staff member at a psychiatric hospital. This extensive background helps him navigate complex and nuanced conversations with a diverse array of guests, all of whom are vulnerable and engaged; doing their utmost to eradicate mental health stigma through advocacy, storytelling, and open conversation.

Guests who have previously contributed a mental health personal essay read their essays aloud during the podcast and then chat with Gabe about what has changed in their lives since their essays were published on the site. By engaging in deep discussions with people living with mental health challenges like bipolar disorder, trauma histories, addiction issues, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive or eating disorders, Recovery Diaries in Depth further carries out Recovery Diaries' mission to #buststigma by showing people that they are not alone, instead of just telling them. This mental health podcast features guests from all over the world and, while their own personal experiences are unique, the human experience is what unites, inspires, and connects. Subscribe, like, share, and enjoy!

Recovery Diaries In Depth is supported in full by the van Ameringen Foundation.

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S2 · E217
Yesterday · 49 min
A Fashion Designer with C-PTSD Wears Her Recovery Well; Lilah Velez | RDID; 217
Send us Fan Mail A film is a snapshot in time. When we first met this extraordinary young woman, it was eight years ago. Back then, she was Lilah James, an extraordinarily talented fashion and conceptual designer creating a bold, beautiful collection for her final project, "Anxiety Descending." Each look represented a different facet or symptom of her CPTSD diagnosis and she and her work are beautifully represented in our film about her, Recovery on the Runway | PTSD, Mental Health & Fashion. So much as changed since 2018, for Lilah, for the world. She is now Lilah Velez, happily married to her devoted and safe go-to support person. She is still living with and navigating life with CPTSD, finding healthy ways to cope with triggers and panic, trying her best to notice when things aren't going well before a crisis emerges so she can make a plan to take care of herself and her needs. Lilah is open and honest about her experiences with mental healthcare, including her participation in intensive outpatient program (IOP) programs. Lilah, in her vulnerable and disarming way shares about how needing different levels of care at different points in her life, and knowing what she needs when she needs it, is not a sign of failure, weakness, or some kind of setback; it is simply meeting a therapeutic need. Lilah knows the foolishness of comparing your struggles to somebody else's and about the true cost of carrying secrets. Lilah also discusses, in our candid and thoughtful interview, about how, to someone with CPTSD, finally getting what you've always longed for: a peaceful living space with a safe, supportive partner, can be a shock to the CPTSD brain, a brain that is always on high alert, looking for the next betrayal or unsafe situation. She is learning to calm that part of her brain and accept her safety, while continuing to create and take care of herself. This episode is a must-hear for anyone with CPTSD or anyone who loves someone who lives with this mental health challenge. Lilah is hopeful, brave, and honest, and we hope you share this conversation with someone in your life who needs it. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E216
July 13 · 1 hr 16 min
A Screenwriter with Bipolar Disorder Rewrites His Recovery; Coli Sylla | RDID; 216
Send us Fan Mail Someone once turned to our guest, Coli Sylla, and said to him, “Keep that mental health crap to yourself.” Thankfully, that bullshit didn't fly. Award-winning screenwriter and director Coli Sylla talks about what happens when creativity, bipolar disorder, trauma, and ambition collide. While the entertainment industry has changed significantly over the last few decades, as Coli can attest there are parts of that world that still punish vulnerability, and encourage people with mental health challenges to shrink themselves. Coli opens up about bipolar II disorder, ADHD, generalized anxiety, and how he manages depression, especially when grief and life stress hit at the same time. Coli talks openly about how living with mental health challenges as a Black man is different, and how many of his peers simply lack the language to express themselves, or know what to do when one of their own opens up. Coli reads aloud his powerful essay, “The Death That Gifted My Purpose, Living and Writing with Trauma and Bipolar Disorder,” recounting the night his college roommate Troy died and how a 3 a.m. wake-up has haunted him for decades. Coli talks about the practical side of recovery: therapy, medication management, sleep, sleep, and sleep, and building a creative life that can survive mood shifts. Coli is working on a new film, f.31.9, the diagnostic code for bipolar disorder. We celebrate his creativity, his ambition, and his recovery in this compelling interview you won't want to miss. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E215
June 29 · 1 hr 3 min
A Musician Gives Up Alcohol and Finds Himself: Paul Curreri | RDID; 215
Send us Fan Mail It's hard to imagine what you'd do if you're a touring musician whose primary instrument is the guitar, and you start to lose the use of your hands. It may seem like an incongruous response, but Paul Curreri chose to stop drinking. And it wasn't exactly an intentional choosing of sobriety. It was more, "I'm not drinking today and I'm probably not going to drink tomorrow either." And that has turned a choice that he makes every single day. Like so many in the music industry, Paul felt connectedness to the life that alcohol gave him; the clubs and bars where everybody congregated, the vibe, but Paul knew that alcohol was taking away far more than it was giving him. He knew he was making up stories about "sober people" and what they were like, and he knew he needed to make changes to help his marriage and to help himself. While he is still struggling with his hands, and the relatively recent diagnosis of tension myositis syndrome, he is trying to be and stay in the moment. He very recently returned to the stage for the first time in a very long time, and our conversation on Recovery Diaries in Depth is a vulnerable, emotional, sincere return to Paul's essay he wrote for us when he was five years into his sobriety from alcohol, an essay Paul had not returned to since it was published. His reading of that essay and our conversation are as genuine and as gentle as it gets. Our conversation wanders like a contemporary folk song Paul may well have written himself; covering sobriety, relapse prevention, anger, ambivalence, chronic illness, identity loss, grief, recovery, the soothing noise of music to the din of modern life; Paul and our host, Gabe are two men living with mental illness who connect intimately and sincerely, and it's a conversation you won't want to miss out on. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E214
May 18 · 1 hr 22 min
Until There’s a Cure for Mental Illness, There’s NAMI-Man: Nick Emeigh | RDID; 214
Send us Fan Mail Recovery Diaries in Depth guest Nick Emeigh and our show's host Gabe Nathan are old friends, both of whom live with mental health challenges. They're both passionate, compassionate, vulnerable, and unafraid (while simultaneously being afraid of pretty much everything). That's a lot of what makes them good friends, and so much of what makes this interview a must-hear. Right out of the gate, their conversation goes right towards suicide. And it's no accident that it happens that way: Nick just came to this interview from a Bucks County school that recently lost a young man to suicide. Nick helps people in Bucks County every single day who are contemplating suicide, have attempted, family and community members who have suffered a suicide loss. He lives and breathes mental illness and suicide every single day as Executive Director of NAMI-Bucks County, PA. Nick has survived multiple suicide attempts, he is in addiction recovery, he is a peer, an advocate, a mental health superhero (watch this film to be acquainted with the coolest guy in tights since Peter Pan) and he never stops urging politicians, changemakers, and community members to pay attention, to listen. To listen to stories. To his story. Nick shares that story with refreshing honesty: a tale of intense bullying and early suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder shaped by control and approval, addiction, psychosis, trauma and grief. But what makes recovery sustainable or even possible? Therapy, medication, self-care, peer support, and the work of building NAMI Bucks County into a network that reaches tens of thousands through school education, support groups, and a warm line; and it's so, so much more. It's Nick's irrepressible personality that is heartwarming, sincere, and worthy of attention. So pull up a chair alongside these two old friends and listen. And share. And feel. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E213
April 20 · 46 min
Anxiety, OCD, and a Brain That Tries to Protect: Kayla Ackelson | RDID; 213
Send us Fan Mail Today, Kayla Ackelson lives, breathes, and thrives through independent expressive, mixed media artistry. But it wasn't always that way. For years, she struggled with incessant worries-- about everything, from swimming to sleepovers, movies, the dark (where people often watch movies), to people she loved dying. Never fear, though; she had maladaptive coping strategies to "help" her through all of those unrelenting anxieties. Afraid your partner will leave you? Cling on tighter! Scared of things; just ratchet up the hypervigilence! Check on everyone, all the time. Check, check, check. Then, check again; just to be sure. Kayla knew living this way was unsustainable; she would hide at work, trying to pull herself together through her tears. It couldn't go on like this. Gradually, slowly, with therapy, with insight, with help; from herself and from others, she started to turn the corner. Medication, meditation, journaling, neuroplasticity, and the practical mental health habits that actually support recovery: sleep, hydration, easing up on caffeine, and making room for quiet came along for the ride, and now, she's in a better place. She's writing, creating, and is the host of her own podcast, Unhurried. She encourages you to pause, unwind, maybe have a cup of (not thoroughly caffeinated) tea, and listen. We extend that invitation to you, too. We're so grateful to Kayla for coming on as a guest to talk about her mental health, her life, and her recovery. She reads her lovely essay, "It Was Cute Until It Wasn’t Anymore – My OCD, Anxiety, and Depression" aloud on the show, and it's a treat. If you’ve ever felt alone in your own mind, we hope this brings language, comfort, and a next step. Subscribe for more Recovery Diaries In Depth, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these mental health stories. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E212
April 6 · 56 min
From Wanting to Die to Yearning to Live; in Conversation with Levi Mericle | RDID; 212
Send us Fan Mail From ages 13-19, Levi Mericle wanted to die, pretty much every day. There was reckless, impulsive behavior, suicide attempts, hospital stays, agonizing torment for Levi and assuredly endless nights of the most intense anxiety possible for his devoted parents, who struggled to understand what was happening to their previously happy-go-lucky boy. Serious and persistent mental illness can often rip families apart. Our Executive Director and podcast host, Gabriel Nathan, has seen it in his years working at a locked, inpatient psychiatric hospital; parents absolutely at their wits end after years and years of destructive behavior by children, sometimes despairing and bereft of resources and support, child/parent bonds can become fractured, marriages can be obliterated-- mental illness is the ultimate wrecking ball. But Levi's bipolar disorder was no match for his parent's love; they refused to watch their son succumb to this illness, which tempted Levi to end his life by his own hand countless times. Neither would Levi's family let their strong Christian faith sway them from seeking urgent psychiatric help for their son. As Levi says in his interview, many Christians view mental illness as either not real, or something that needs to be "given to God", to the exclusion of potentially lifesaving medications and crisis interventions. Levi is an eternally grateful son, citing the love of his family as the main reason why he is still here, singing the songs life wants to hear. Our interview with Levi is wide-ranging and passionate; he is an ardently sensitive and introspective soul who spares no detail in discussing his incredibly dark adolescence and young adulthood, and what helped him turn the corner to finding purpose, meaning, and a yearning to live. Levi closes our time together by reading his poem “The Corner In A Dark Room,” a stark, accurate portrait of depression’s numbness and time distortion. If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review so more people can find Recovery Diaries In Depth. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E211
March 23 · 56 min
A Black Woman's Experience with Mental Health; Jacquese Armstrong | RDID; 211
Send us Fan Mail For decades, Jacquese Armstrong let others write her story. She was labeled, marginalized, medicated, and was essentially given a life sentence by physicians who spent no more time with her than you spend with the clerk at a 7-Eleven. She was told she'd never work. She was told. Now, she tells. And the story she tells is one of boundless creativity, advocacy, a passionate engagement in the expressive arts. She speaks about the system that subjugated her; pigeon-holed her, overdiagnosed and overmedicated her, took away her agency and her hope. Jacquese challenges herself and us to not accept culturally incompetent care, to not lay down and accept whatever is thrown at us by the medical model, a system that routinely fails to see people as complex and nuanced human beings. She holds fast to her faith, her compassion for herself, and her love of creating. Jacquese is an award-winning poet and memoirist who has rebuilt her life following decades of medications that stunted and blunted her. She still struggles, and she is open about that as she is about so much; ageism, misogyny, psychiatric harm, injustice; she pours out her heart in articles, essays, poems, and her forthcoming book. Jacquese has worked ceaselessly to help others, and to build the ladder, rung by rung, she uses to climb out of the pit she found herself in. Her mental health challenges may always be there, but she is learning to live and fight for herself and her dignity and her rights, every day; doing so artfully and gracefully. If you’ve ever felt mislabeled, unseen, or stuck in a system that talks over you, Jacquese Armstrong offers validation, direction, and hope. Her extraordinary and moving book, fabricating a home 'cause you never had one, is available for purchase here. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E210
March 9 · 43 min
Excuse Her While She Obsesses; Unpacking OCD with Manndi Maphies | RDID; 210
Send us Fan Mail Manndi Maphies lives with obsessive compulsive disorder. It was undoubtedly present in her childhood, where she exhibited behaviors that could be perhaps described as "quirky" but her OCD caught fire following a miscarriage, followed by a new pregnancy. Manndi was, understandably, terrified that she miscarried because of something she "did", and she was absolutely not going to let that happen again; so OCD obligingly took over, letting Manndi know that she needed to compulsively wash her hands, be frightened of certain foods, watch every move she made... in order to keep her unborn child "safe." Fortunately, Manndi's doctor convinced her that medication, while it carried some small risks, might very well do less harm to her unborn child than her out-of-control OCD was doing, in the form of extreme stress, compulsive behaviors, and unmanaged anxiety. Manndi listened, and got help that helped. In Manndi's wonderful essay, "Excuse Me While I Obsess; Learning to Manage my Lifelong Struggle with OCD", she writes about her mental health and her recovery. She has been through divorce, unexpected loss, and blending families, where stress briefly outpaced her tools. But Manndi doesn't fall apart; she regroups and she falls almost effortlessly into new seasons of her life, finding joy, creating and connecting. Manndi finds comfort in faith, humor, and community. She is using her voice and her writing to help others find hope and help. We are so grateful that she was our guest here on Recovery Diaries in Depth, and we are lucky to share her wisdom and kindness with you. If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who needs language for what they’re feeling, then subscribe, leave a review, and join our mailing list at recoverydiaries.org so you never miss new stories, essays, and films. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E209
February 23 · 1 hr 2 min
Refusing to Disappear: Life with Schizoaffective Disorder with Sarah An Myers | RDID; 209
Send us Fan Mail “If I don’t communicate, I feel like I’m disappearing.” This is a bedrock principle that guides Sarah An Myers in her advocacy for schizoaffective disorder, her writing, and her life. She refuses to disappear, she refuses to be silent, she refuses to let others speak for her. Sarah An Myers lives with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness that combines aspects of a thought disorder (hallucinations, delusions, psychosis) with symptoms of a mood disorder (mood instability, depressive or manic episodes). While schizoaffective disorder is an undeniable component of who Sarah is, she is so, so much more than her mental illness. She writes constantly, giving people a window into her unique and nuanced perspectives about mental illness and other topics, she lives independently, she cares for her dog, she takes fencing lessons, she travels around the world. Sarah's life is as bold and vibrant as the striking pink coat she wears in the film we made about her called "Thriving with Schizoaffective Disorder". In this episode of Recovery Diaries in Depth, our host, Gabriel Nathan, is joined not just by Sarah An Myers, but by filmmaker Glenn Holsten who directed that film about Sarah's life with schizoaffective disorder. In this vulnerable, intriguing three-way conversation, Gabe, Glenn, and Sarah talk about the creative process of documentary filmmaking, and Recovery Diaries' collaborative approach to creating a piece like "Thriving with Schizoaffective Disorder." Glenn and Sarah really worked as a team, both in pre-production conversations and during the shoot to create moments that felt authentic to Sarah's experience, like a subway shoot to let viewers see and hear what it is like to hallucinate, and an in-studio recording session where actors read aloud some of Sarah's auditory hallucinations. Sarah speaks openly about what the experience was like, both making the film and then her anxiety upon its release. She also shares some of her very important views about the infantilization of psychiatric patients, the role medication has played in her life and recovery, and the work she is doing now. You won't want to miss this conversation with some extraordinary and creative human beings, doing vital work to de-stigmatize mental illness in new, original ways. About Sarah: Sarah An Myers is a writer, mental health advocate, and creative living in New York City. She writes a column on Psychology Today about psychotic disorders, reporting on the latest and cutting-edge research to combat stigma. She has written for human rights, freethinking, psychiatry, and literary publications including Free Inquiry, The Brooklyn Rail, Open Minds Quarterly, Psychiatry at the Margins, and more. She earned her MA in behavioral neuroscience from the University of Missouri-St. Louis and her MFA in creative nonfiction from The New School. She recently finished a literary memoir on living with schizoaffective disorder and is looking for an agent. Find her on social media @sarahanmy. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E208
February 16 · 56 min
Bipolar, Books, Breakdown; in conversation with Erika Nichols-Frazer | RDID; 208
Send us Fan Mail Erika Nichols-Frazer joins us today as our guest. She's an old friend of Recovery Diaries, having published three essays with us; Lies Mania Has Told Me, A Double-Edged Sword: Facing the Grief of Miscarriage with Bipolar Disorder, and the essay we're privileged to have her read aloud during this episode, Manic MFA: How My Degree Almost Cost Me My Sanity. While Erika is now a profilic writer, "Manic MFA" was, in fact, the very first time Erika had every written publicly about her bipolar diagnosis, a fact we at Recovery Diaries are very proud of. Erika speaks openly and candidly about her decision to write about the pressures and triggers she was experiencing during her MFA program, and the impact her mental illness and its symptoms of mania had on her relationship with her husband. Our interview with Erika is expansive and hopeful; covering how women with mental illness are treated in literature, and #irl, how her relationship with food has evolved over the years, where she has been in the early days of her bipolar diagnosis, and where she is now. Erika is thoughtful, insightful, and easy to talk and listen to; we think you'll find our conversation with her illuminating and impactful. She has a lot to say about mental health storytelling, and advice for anyone considering putting pen to paper with a mental health narrative of their own. We're so grateful to Erika for taking some time to talk with us on "Recovery Diaries in Depth." Like our conversations? If you find them helpful and hopeful, chances are someone you love will, too. So share us with someone who needs us, and leave a review to help more listeners find stories that help. About our guest: Erika Nichols-Frazer (she/her) is the author of the memoir, Feed Me: A Story of Food, Love and Mental Illness and the poetry collection, Staring Too Closely. She has two books forthcoming in 2026, the poetry chapbook, Can you see her, the moon? and the short story collection, No One Will Ever Hear You. Erika's work has been published in numerous literary magazines and venues such as HuffPost Personal, River Teeth's Beautiful Things, Emerge Literary Journal, and others. She has an MFA in Fiction from the Bennington Writing Seminars. She lives in Vermont and works at Vermont State University. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E207
January 26 · 1 hr
Manning Up Means Getting Help with Suicidal Thoughts: Chris Russell | RDID; 207
Send us Fan Mail Today, Chris Russell is a grounded, hopeful human being who helps others navigate suicidal ideation as a volunteer for the Suicide/Crisis Lifeline. He definitely still has his struggles with symptoms related to his bipolar ii diagnosis, but he is managing his mental health in a way that was inconceivable to him not too long ago, where he was struggling with intense, unmanaged anger, impulsiveness, incessant thoughts of taking his own life. In this moving and heartfelt interview, Chris opens up to host Gabe Nathan, who struggles with many of the same issues Chris does, about his mental illness, how it has impacted his work as an actor, writer, and teacher, and where he was in his mind the night that he finally reached out for help, to what was then the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It wasn't perfect or without frustrations (after all, Chris was 44th in the queue) but it was enough to keep Chris from killing himself, it was enough for him to slowly move towards recovery, to share what he was experiencing with others, to give them the opportunity to give him understanding and support, to feel seen and heard. A chance to start encouraging other men like him to shed their archaic armor and be vulnerable. Chris is an extraordinary human being, volunteering to take calls from people in the throes of suicidality and other psychiatric emergencies, as part of his own recovery, as a way to honor himself and his mother, as a way to give something back. We are so grateful for his strength, his creativity, his openness, and his courage; and we're excited to share this conversation with you. Please share it with someone you love; you'll be glad you did. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E206
January 12 · 56 min
From Hiding To Helping - Schizophrenia Advocate Rebecca Chamaa | RDID; 206
Send us Fan Mail At a recent conference for health advocates from all across the country, our Executive Director and show host, Gabriel Nathan, was reunited with an extraordinary woman and schizophrenia advocate, Rebecca Chamaa. Years earlier, in around 2015, Rebecca had submitted her very first essay, I Have Schizophrenia, about living with mental illness to Recovery Diaries and Gabe, who had just joined the organization as a part-time essay editor, was assigned to work on her piece with her. It would take ten years for these two mental health advocates to be physically in the same room and share a warm hug and conversation. So, obviously, Rebecca was going to be a guest on Recovery Diaries in Depth! As you can imagine, she and Gabe had lots to talk about. Rebecca revealed during the conversation about how long (very, very long) she hid her schizophrenia from so, so many people in her life, her experiences with therapists and psychiatrists, medication, and stigma. Rebecca is breathtakingly blunt as she explores her education and outreach, training law enforcement officers and psychiatric nursing staff about schizophrenia and how to safely and helpfully interact with people who live with thought disorders. The highlight of the interview, arguably, is Rebecca's reaction to her now decade-old essay on Recovery Diaries; in quiet disbelief at how honest she was during that time. The piece obviously opened the floodgates for Rebecca, because now she has been published in numerous magazines, journals, and newspapers; she teaches writing and she finds joy in life as a person living with schizophrenia who isn't keeping it from anybody, who isn't ashamed of it, and who isn't staying quiet. Please listen to her wonderful interview and share it far and wide; it might just change how somebody sees people with schizophrenia. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E205
Dec 22, 2025 · 52 min
Surviving Suicidality in a Wonderful World: Javier Ortega-Araiza | RDID; 205
Send us Fan Mail Javier Ortega Ariza is a compassionate, sensitive writer who has published two essays with Recovery Diaries, including his moving and powerful essay “Surviving Suicidality To Live In A Wonderful World” which explores a "last walk" he took after deciding to die by suicide, and his beautiful decision to stay. Javier reads this essay aloud on this compelling episode of our podcast, "Recovery Diaries in Depth", which explores men’s mental health, suicidality, hope, resilience, and the bravery of mental health storytelling. Javier and Gabe are two men who have personal experience with contemplating suicide and this intimate and vulnerable conversation is well worth hearing, and sharing. Javier sees writing as "exposure therapy"; going to uncomfortable places in his writing to share hope and connection with others. There is a gentleness about him that is undoubtedly the result of how he has decided to view the world; as wonderful and hopeful. He is challenging self-critical voices in his head and working through doubt and fear every day, and helping others do the same. In his discussion with Gabe, Javier reflects on what has helped him get and stay healthy; therapy, boundaries, ho‘oponopono, and the not-quite-cinematic text message that arrived mid-walk to remind him of the work and the love that keep him here. Returning to San Miguel years later, he carries the same streets but different eyes, proof that healing isn’t linear and growth can coexist with grief. Javier is a living, breathing reminder that, if you stay, your life can change in ways you never dreamed possible. This important conversation should be shared with anyone you know who may be struggling, and anyone you know who appears, like Javier did when he was at his darkest, to have it all, and may very well be struggling in silence. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find stories that keep them here. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E204
Dec 8, 2025 · 59 min
Living & Thriving with Illogical and Irrational Anxiety: Nicci Attfield | RDID; 204
Send us Fan Mail We are so lucky here at Recovery Diaries to have an international community of special, sparkly people coming to us to share their mental health recovery stories. Today's guest on the show is Nicci Attfield, who lives with anxiety and add. Nicci was born in the UK, and is currently living in South Africa. She has published two personal essays with us, (as has her husband, Jacques!) and it was a true delight to sit down with her and talk about her life as a writer, a neurodivergent person, and someone who is living her best life with mental health challenges. Nicci opens up about something that any of us who lives with mental illness can identify with; masking. Walking around all day, doing life, engaging in social situations trying to compensate, trying to pass, trying to get through every excruciating moment pretending, pushing through, struggling. It's exhausting. And, for quite some time, Nicci didn't even know what she was masking. Nicci tried apps, she tried denial, but it ended up being therapy that helped her find her voice; and she hasn't stopped using it. She opens up about what it is like to find her truth and live a life with self-compassion. She also talks openly about being a spouse of someone who has a trauma history and about her unique approach to helping her husband when he is struggling with an often debilitating, abusive internal monologue. Her strategies might just help you navigate hard times with someone you love! Nicci reads her beautiful and poignant essay, "Anxiety: Irrational, Illogical, Catastrophic and, Eventually; Manageable" and she reflects on who she was and where she was in her life when she wrote it, how her newer diagnosis of ADD has informed and changed her approach to her mental health and herself, and what lies ahead for her. Listen to this warm and engaging conversation between two thoughtful human beings, and share it with someone special in your life. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S2 · E203
Nov 17, 2025 · 1 hr 1 min
A Black Mental Health Advocate & Survivor Speaks: Jasmin Pierre | RDID; 203
Send us Fan Mail Jasmin Pierre is the creator of The Safe Place, an award-winning app that offers free and affordable resources centering on Black mental health. Jasmin created The Safe Place for so many reasons-- because, when police respond to psychiatric emergencies and the person in crisis is black, the results can be deadly. Because of the pervasive and dangerous philosophy in many Black homes, like her own, that "what happens in this house stays in this house." Because of cultural barriers fueled by systemic racism and lack of access creating a world where there are precious few Black mental health clinicians, so Black people are stuck with providers who don't look like them, and who, invariably, do not understand their experience. Because so many Black people were brought up to not talk about it. Well, Jasmin's talking about it. And, today, she's talking about it on Recovery Diaries in Depth with our Executive Director and host, Gabriel Nathan. Jasmin and Gabe are old friends, having met in-person at an event almost seven years ago. Their shared passion for mental health reform and revolution, and their mutual affection for each other's creativity and compassion is evident in this genuine conversation that covers so many topics, including crisis response, childhood sexual assault and abuse, the importance of rest and refueling, saying "no", and the carceral realities of inpatient psychiatric hospitalization. Jasmin's been a patient, Gabe's been staff, and their shared experience, though extremely different brings nuance and insight to this conversation. Jasmin has been a fierce advocate for Black mental health and a source of inspiration and hope for many who have been marginalized in so many ways since the beginning of this country. In their conversation, Jasmin and Gabe talk about suicide prevention, specifically as it relates to the Black community. Jasmin speaks about the inherent media bias surrounding the recent death of Kyren Lacy, a former Louisiana State University football player and wide receiver. Lacy's death, and the media maelstrom around it show us that, while we have made improvements in mental health and suicide; for Black people in America, we still have miles and miles and miles to go before we sleep. We are so grateful to Jasmin for everything she is doing to empower, educate, help, and honor through her extraordinary advocacy. Read her powerful essay about her own trauma and childhood sexual abuse; and share her interview far and wide. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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Oct 27, 2025 · 52 min
Police Officer Trauma & PTSD: Officer James Jefferson | RDID; 202
Send us Fan Mail Officer James Jefferson, an 18-year police service veteran and wellness coordinator in Canada, is done with the "blue wall of silence." He speaks openly, candidly, honestly, and earnestly about mental health issues in law enforcement, and the series of events that almost resulted in him killing himself with his service weapon. Why? To help other officers who are struggling, just like he did. On a wintry night, years ago, James and his partner responded to a homicide-in-progress call. The suspect advanced on the officers, refusing to drop his knife and James and his partner were forced to use lethal force. It was ruled a clean shoot, but that didn't help ease James's mind. He began to fell apart, he began to use drugs and alcohol. He threw caution to the wind, engaging in risky, dangerous behaviors, hoping he would be killed in the line-of-duty and be valorized a hero. He put his gun to is head, like so many other police officers do. Thankfully, James didn't pull the trigger. He got help. And now he's helping others. In our candid conversation with James, we put police culture under the microscope and examine its many faults, how its archaic and stigmatizing attitudes towards mental health contribute to officers, and retired officers, taking their own lives. James knows this world all-too-well and, as a wellness officer, he is part of the change that is so desperately, and we're so grateful that he is. Listen to this engaging conversation, and share it with someone you love; whether they wear a badge or not. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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Oct 7, 2025 · 56 min
From Squalor and Fear to Thriving and Helping; an Interview with Psychotherapist Sheri Heller | RDID; 201
Send us Fan Mail Sheri Heller is many things. She is a psychotherapist, a coach, an interfaith minister, and a supremely talented writer. She is also a trauma survivor, having been raised in the chaos and pain of a home where her mother was suffering from chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Sheri wrote the piece, “An Orphan’s Memorial to Her Dying Mother” and sent it to us, years ago. Our filmmaker, Glenn Holsten, was so moved by the piece that he collaborated with Sheri and animators Sandra & Paul Fierlinger to create a beautiful animated short about her relationship with her mother. On our podcast, Sheri talks about how creative expression—writing, psychodrama, performance—can open doors to healing. She offers practical markers of readiness, why a stable witness matters, and how to pace work when somatic memory surges past your defenses. We also dig into the broken architecture of mental health care: fragmented services, prohibitive costs, and the patchwork of county policies that make crisis responses inconsistent. Sheri recounts the plainspoken guidance NAMI gave her—advice that balanced compassion with realism—and how it reshaped her approach to caregiving and self-preservation. Her story arrives in the present with a quiet kind of hope: sobriety, a marriage rooted in mutual understanding, a steady practice in Montreal, and the capacity to regulate and re-center when old echoes return. Listen, and share. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S1 · E124
Sep 15, 2025 · 49 min
Mental Health On The High Seas: A Conversation with Writer/Filmmaker Stephen O'Shea | RDID; 124
Send us Fan Mail The most dangerous period for a veteran isn't during during enlistment, but that first year after leaving the military; and the danger almost exclusively comes from the self; a severely elevated risk for suicide. In fact, the suicide rate for non-combat veterans is higher for those who have been in active combat. When Navy veteran Taylor Grieger survived a suicide attempt, he made a radical decision—to sail around Cape Horn, the Mount Everest of sailing, to raise awareness for veteran suicide. His close friend Stephen O'Shea joined, not just to document the journey, but to support Taylor, to learn, to help. By doing so, together, Taylor and Stephen created an extraordinary journey and the powerful film "Hell or High Seas." Several short clips related to this extraordinary film live on our site, and are available to view here and here. Our conversation with writer and filmmaker Stephen O'Shea takes us deep into the invisible wounds of military service and the profound challenges of transition to civilian life. Stephen shares how veterans' bodies become programmed for adrenaline and stress during service, creating a physiological withdrawal when that environment suddenly disappears. The sailing journey wasn't just adventure for adventure's sake—it was carefully conceived as therapeutic, giving Taylor's body and mind positive associations with stress and excitement rather than negative ones. Stephen speaks with authority, energy, and empathy about the plight faced by veterans, but also about his relationship with Taylor and the impact on his own mental health of what they went through together. Stephen's candid sharing about his own mental health struggles after the journey reveals how even a fraction of the stress experienced by service members can create lasting impacts. Their story illustrates why adventure therapy is gaining recognition worldwide—it combines community, purpose, and physical challenge in ways that address the complex dimensions of trauma and transition. Today, Taylor runs his own nonprofit, taking veterans sailing as therapy-- "adventure therapy"-- clearly demonstrating how one healing journey can create ripples, on the high seas, that help countless others and Stephen continues making films that are helping to change the world. "Hell or High Seas" is available on Amazon Prime. And if you're passionate about mental health stories that inspire hope and change, subscribe to Recovery Diaries for more conversations that illuminate the path from struggle to strength. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S1 · E123
Sep 1, 2025 · 47 min
A Vibrant Voice with DID Explores Trauma through Writing | RDID; 123
Send us Fan Mail Elizabeth Ann Devine is a non-binary author living with ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and dissociative identity disorder. They have been twice published on Recovery Diaries, and we were delighted to welcome them onto Recovery Diaries in Depth to share their powerful journey of using writing as both survival mechanism and healing practice. From early childhood, Elizabeth found sanctuary in libraries, using books and later their own writing as ways to process trauma and family dysfunction. "I probably write more than I live," they admit, highlighting a compulsive creative practice that became essential when other avenues for support proved inaccessible or harmful. Their essay "The Plight of the One-Person Mental Health Support System" offers a raw, unfiltered glimpse into living with complex mental health challenges while navigating family relationships shaped by generational trauma. "It's like popping a zit" Elizabeth says about writing, and some of its consequences of breaking family cycles of secrecy, including estrangement and lost relationships. "I'm compulsively honest," they say about themselves. Elizabeth has chosen to share their experiences publicly not just for personal healing but to create connection points for others facing similar struggles. The conversation touches on how broader political contexts impact mental health, particularly for marginalized communities, while still finding ways to choose "hope over fear" through daily practices of self-care, creativity, and helping others. Elizabeth's essays are as creative as they are brave, and we are honored to have them as part of our community of mental health storytellers. Subscribe to our podcast for more conversations that illuminate the complex, challenging, and ultimately hopeful journeys of recovery. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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S1 · E122
Aug 18, 2025 · 1 hr 2 min
Burnout, Bravery, Breakthrough: A Conversation with Artist-Scholar Shumaila Hemani | RDID; 122
Send us Fan Mail From her earliest memories growing up in Pakistan—where her dream of pursuing music seemed impossible for a woman—to the hallowed halls of Harvard University where overwhelming expectations led to debilitating burnout, Dr. Shumaila Hemani reveals the institutional and cultural pressures that shaped her experience. The expectations of perfection, unrelenting pressure, and cold academic warnings left her feeling bereft of direction, support, and purpose. The turning point came through an unexpected source: a piece of 16th-century Khayal tradition music discovered in Harvard's library. This musical sanctuary became her refuge, reconnecting her with spirituality when rational academic structures had failed her. "The line 'Aapne Allah Ko Pehchan' (recognize the Allah within you) resonated so deeply with me," she explains, "pushing me to make this important shift from the world of reason that had betrayed me to seek refuge in the world of faith." After leaving Harvard—a decision carrying its own weight of shame—Dr. Hemani rebuilt her identity through studying with an ustad (master musician) and emerging as a Sufi performer and ethnomusicologist. This transformation led to founding the Deep Listening Path Initiative, which now helps others overcome burnout through music, meditation, and deep listening practices. Throughout our conversation, Dr. Hemani reads her powerful Recovery Diaries essay "Music is Sanctuary: Navigating Burnout in the Ivy League with the Power of Deep Listening," and shares how publishing this piece inspired her forthcoming memoir "Writing in the Wound." Her story offers profound insights into resilience, cultural identity, and finding purpose through pain. Listen now to discover how sometimes our most difficult experiences become the foundation for our greatest contributions—when we learn to listen deeply to what they have to teach us. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. https://recoverydiaries.org/
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